Breakdown
by FelicityDeadwood
Summary: What if Charlie and Renee institutionalized Bella after Edward left and it only damaged her further? What if Edward returned to beg her to take him back only to find her broken? Could his love repair the damage? B/E Canon couples. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

_**BREAKDOWN**_

"_I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move." _– Charlie to Alice, _Twilight: New Moon,_ Chapter 17

_**Summary:**_ What if Charlie and Renee had hospitalized Bella after Edward left her? What if that experience had only damaged her further? What if Edward came back to find her and beg her forgiveness and ask her to take him back only to find she had been institutionalized? Could his love repair the damage?

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

Thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 1<strong>_

**ROSE**

I pulled the red blouse off the hanger and held it up. It was sexy and I knew Emmett would like it. I couldn't manage to suppress a grin. Actually, he liked me better when I was wearing nothing at all.

It was a cloudy morning in late January and we were shopping at a small boutique in downtown Ithaca. The family had moved here after the debacle in Washington State months before. Emmett and I had gone to Europe for a while after we'd left Washington, but we'd rejoined them a few weeks ago. I found it very strange that there were times when I missed our house in Forks and our life there. Even more baffling, there were times when I missed some of the people we left behind. Okay, it was only one person and no one was more shocked than me that I felt that way. I never got attached to the humans we met. Given the nature of our existence, it was just better that way.

And yet there were moments when I found myself wondering how she was. Had she moved on, already forgotten us, just as my idiot, pig-headed brother had predicted? Or was she feeling our absence, his absence, as deeply as my usually freakishly accurate sister suspected?

Not that it mattered, of course. We'd closed that chapter, so it was probably better for all concerned that we didn't reopen it.

At least that's what I kept telling myself.

Shaking myself free of the annoyingly contemplative mood I'd found myself in, I turned the blouse around so Alice could see it. "What about this one?"

She cocked her head and studied it for a moment. "I like it. Very flattering. Em will love it."

I nodded and looked at it again. "I think so too."

"So I had an idea," Alice began as she studied a dark blue sweater. "We haven't visited the Denalis in a while. Maybe I'll talk to Carlisle about us taking a trip to Alaska when Jasper's spring break starts."

"That's a good idea; it will be nice to see Kate, Tanya, Irina, and Eleazar."

"Yes, that's what I thou..." her voice trailed off.

I glanced up at her and saw her face go blank. I wasn't overly concerned. She did this all the time. Alice had visions like most people had random thoughts. I went back to looking at a pair of pants that would go nicely with the red blouse.

"What?" Alice's voice was a strangled whisper as the sweater slipped from her grasp. "No!"

My head snapped up. Even the tiny amount of color in her face had drained away and her expression was the picture of silent horror. Whatever she was seeing, it was beyond the normal vision and it was bad. One word slid from her lips.

"...Bella."

The way she said it sent a shiver up my spine.

And that made me angry because it showed that I cared about the fragile little human who had turned our lives upside down much more than I wanted to admit.

"Alice!" I said more sharply than I probably should have.

"No, no, it can't be," she pleaded.

"Stop it, Alice!" I shook her angrily, making her head flop back and forth like a rag doll's. "Edward told you not look for her!"

Alice's lips trembled and her eyes finally focused on me. "Just because I don't look, doesn't mean I don't see," she said shakily.

The horror of what she'd seen was there in her eyes as she stared back at me. In fact, the pain of it screamed out of her. Just looking at her had a weird feeling settling in the pit of my stomach.

I didn't want to know... didn't want to care, but I couldn't help it. "What did you see?" I demanded.

"I have to go," she said suddenly as she made a break for the door.

"Alice, wait!" I called tearing after her.

We both moved so fast the only thing the clerk or the other two patrons in the store saw was the red blouse fluttering to the floor and the door swinging closed behind us.

"Alice, stop!" I said catching up to her when she got to the car.

"You'll have to call someone to come pick you up," she said whipping open the car door. "I have to go."

I grabbed her arm and refused to let go. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me what you saw!" I snarled.

"Why do you care?" she asked. "You never even liked her!"

I couldn't argue with her there. I'd never let anyone see that I felt anything but distain for Bella. "What did you see?" I demanded again.

"I saw Bella being attacked, now let go of me."

Something in my head was warning me to let it go, but I couldn't. "What do you mean 'attacked'?"

"I mean attacked as beaten, raped and strangled!" Alice screamed at me. "Are you happy now? Are you glad I told you?"

I dropped her arm as if her skin had burned me and stumbled back two steps. The weird feeling in the pit of my stomach became a full blown sickness. If I actually ate things and would have had something in my stomach, I probably would have hard a hard time keeping it down right about then. The pain and humiliation of what had been done to me rolled through my head. No one should ever have to experience that, least of all someone as fragile as Isabella Swan.

"Are you sure?" I heard myself say.

"Look at my face," Alice yelled. "Do I look like I'm sure?"

"Can we stop it?" I asked softly.

"I don't know," she said with an almost deathly quiet. "It was at night so it hasn't happened yet, but I'm not sure exactly when it does, tonight maybe. I think I'm seeing it now because her attacker has decided what he's going to do and Bella suspects and has given up on being able to get away from him. In any case, there isn't much time and I won't spend it standing here arguing with you."

"We should tell Carlisle."

"There isn't time," she insisted. "He'll probably just try and stop me anyway. He'll say Edward doesn't want us to interfere."

"He wouldn't say that if he knew what was going to happen to her." Despite his feelings for Edward and his respect for his wishes, I didn't see how Carlisle with his compassionate nature would try and stop her from saving Bella. Especially in light of what he'd done to try and save me.

"If so, then he won't blame me afterwards for going after her," she pointed out.

I couldn't exactly argue with her logic. Then again, maybe I didn't want to. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to try and save her."

In the end, the decision was easy. There really was no other option. "Then I'm coming with you."

"You are?" she asked in surprise.

"Yes, now get in the goddamn car." I yanked her out of the way and dropped into the driver's seat. "I'm driving."

Alice was no sooner in the passenger seat than I had the car in gear and streaking out of the parking lot. Her eyes went glassy again and I knew she was having another vision. But rather than making her horror struck, this time there was an odd look of satisfaction on her face.

"If we both go, this might just work," she murmured, although I suspected it was more to herself than to me. Then her whole body jolted as if she'd been stuck with a pin. "Head for the airport," she told me quickly as she yanked out her Blackberry.

Her fingers a blur, she worked quickly, presumably searching for flight information and waited while the results came up.

"Are you getting us tickets to Seattle?" I asked her.

"No, now be quiet," she snapped as she entered a phone number and put the phone to her ear. "Yes, I need two one way first class tickets on Delta flight 3824 from Ithaca to Detroit leaving at 12:12 pm and then Delta flight 1768 from Detroit to Jacksonville leaving at 3:20 pm."

Jacksonville? We were going to Florida?

"The flight into Jacksonville arrives at 5:40 pm, right?" She listened for a moment. "Good, we'll pick up the tickets at the airport." She rattled off our names and her credit card info then ended the call.

"Alice, why are we going to Jacksonville?" I asked her.

Her answer was simple. "Because that's where Bella is."

"Why is she in Jacksonville and not Forks or Phoenix?"

"Because her mother and stepfather live in Jacksonville now," she answered.

I wanted to ask her what she'd seen in her vision to make her so sure Bella was in Jacksonville, but filed that away for later. "Why did you only get one way tickets? Aren't we flying back?"

"No, we'll have to drive back," Alice replied. "Bella won't be in any condition to fly."

I frowned. "So we're bringing her back with us?"

"Oh, yes. She'll have nowhere else to go."

"Edward won't like..."

"I don't give a damn what Edward will or won't like!" she snapped. "I'm doing this. You can help me or you drop me at the damn airport and go home, but I AM doing this."

"Okay, okay," I said trying to placate her. I was little surprised by her vehemence. "But why do we need to bring her back with us? If we can stop it the attack, she can go back to her mother or Charlie and..."

"No, that won't work, they won't take her," Alice said quietly as she stared out the window. "Even before the attack, she wasn't in very good shape."

Well, that was cryptic. I opened my mouth to question her further but her next statement cut me off.

"Stop up here at the Wal-Mart."

"Wal-Mart? But you hate Wal-Mart."

"I know but I need some things and it's handy."

"You want to go shopping NOW?" I asked incredulously as I pulled into the parking lot.

"We have exactly 30 minutes before we need to be at the airport and we need some supplies," she explained. "Airport security is going to be suspicious if we have one way tickets AND don't even have some kind of carry-on luggage. We can't afford for them to pull us aside for twenty questions." She paused for a moment. "And I need some clothes and toiletries for Bella."

I frowned as I parked the car near the entrance. "Won't she have any clothes with her?"

"No, they wouldn't let her have any." Alice said quickly as she opened the car door. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

"But wait!" I called, but she was already gone.

Nothing she said was making any sense. It just didn't add up.

Who in the hell wouldn't let Bella have clothes and why?

**ALICE**

"Alice, where are you?" Jasper's worried voice came back over the phone.

We had just landed in Detroit and were waiting for the next flight that would take us on to Jacksonville. I'd waited to call him so there would be no way he could stop us. He would never approve of what we were doing. He was firmly on Edward's side when it came to the idea of not interfering with Bella's life. I knew it came from the guilt he still felt about how he had reacted at her birthday party and the fact that he never wanted to put her in danger again.

Well, he wasn't the only one who could feel guilty. And my guilt had nothing to do with Bella's birthday party.

"That's not important," I hedged. "Rose and I have something to take care of. We'll be home sometime late tomorrow." Well, at least it wasn't a lie. I hated lying to him.

"Alice..." Jasper chided. He wasn't stupid. He knew there were things I wasn't telling him.

"Jasper, please don't ask me to explain right now," I begged. "I promise to tell you everything when I see you."

There was a very long pause and I knew he was not happy. "You're not putting yourself in danger, are you?"

"No, I'll be just fine, I promise."

He audibly sighed and I could picture the unhappy and resigned look on his face. We hated to be apart from each other and when I was involved in something, he wanted to be right there with me.

"Promise me you'll take care," he said quietly.

"I will, I swear," I told him. "And you'll tell Emmett and the others that we're all right and we'll be back soon?"

"Yes, I'll tell them as soon as they get back," he promised.

I didn't know what else to say, so I simply said what was in my heart. "I love you, Jasper."

"I love you, too," he said quietly. "Come back to me."

"I will. Bye."

I hung up the phone. "Carlisle's at the hospital, Esme's doing some work on the house she's restoring, and Emmett's out hunting," I told Rose as I shoved the Blackberry back in my purse. "But Jasper will tell them when they come in."

She nodded. "And just when are you planning on telling me?"

I looked at her. I was a little surprised it had taken so long for us to get to this point. I had been sure she was going to start the interrogation when I came out of Wal-Mart, but she'd been oddly silent until now.

"What do you mean, Rose?"

"Cut the crap, Alice," she snapped at me. "This is me you're talking to. Since I've come with you on this little excursion, I think the least you can do is fill me in."

I had no intention of volunteering anything I didn't have to. "What exactly do you think I'm keeping from you?"

"Well, it strikes me as odd that you know an awful lot of detail from just one vision."

I shrugged. "I get what I get."

"Oh, okay, I see, you're going to make me play twenty questions to get it out of you," she said. "Fine. Why don't we start with how you knew Bella was in Jacksonville and not somewhere else?"

I searched for a good answer but one did not really present itself so I wound up going with the truth. She was going to figure it out eventually anyway. "I've been seeing Bella in other visions over the last few months," I began softly.

"I KNEW it!" Rose accused. "I thought you said you weren't looking for..."

"Don't start with me, Rose!" I snapped. "Like it or not, Bella's in my head, okay? She was my friend too."

"I know, but..."

"I wasn't looking for her and I did my best to ignore the other visions, Rose, I really did. I stayed quiet because I promised Edward and because I kept telling myself that she would get better, but she didn't. Instead, in every vision I had of her, she was just a little bit worse."

Rose frowned. "What do you mean you thought she would get better?" she asked quietly. "What happened to her?"

I was surprised to see genuine concern in her eyes, but I still couldn't hold back a bitter little laugh. "Is it really such a mystery? Our brother happened to her. WE happened to her. When we left her, Bella didn't handle it well. I told Edward that was going to happen, but he didn't believe me. Stupid, stubborn, asinine vampire," I muttered.

"Well, on that point we are in complete agreement."

We both laughed at that and for a moment the tension was broken. Unfortunately, under the circumstances it couldn't last. Our laughter eventually faded and Rose stared at me for a long moment.

"So Charlie sent her to live with her mother in Jacksonville?" Rose guessed.

I nodded. "I'm not sure exactly why."

"But it didn't help?"

"No," I said, my voice flat. "Where she lives doesn't matter. Edward still broke her heart... we all did."

Rose nodded. "So what happened to her in Jacksonville?"

"I don't have all the details. I only saw flashes from when Bella made some kind of decision or let Renee talk her into some kind of decision, but something happened to make Renee decide that she couldn't take care of Bella and obviously Charlie couldn't deal with her either, so they..."

My voice trailed off, I hated thinking about this part. It was so personal in many ways for me. I still couldn't believe that I had just stood by and let it happen.

"So they what?" Rose demanded.

I sighed. "They had her committed to a psychiatric hospital."

That hung between us for a long moment. "That's who wouldn't let her have clothes?" Rose murmured.

I nodded. "Yes. If she was in the regular wing, she'd have some, but she's in the medical wing so they only let her have a hospital gown."

"Why is she in the medical wing?"

I considered my answer before I spoke. I wasn't ready to talk about some of the things I'd seen. "I don't know," I half lied. "I think it might have something to do with the treatments and medication they've been giving her and the fact that she won't eat anything."

Rose was quiet for a long moment and I could see her thinking over what I'd told her. "How long has she been there?"

"Almost three months," I told her.

"But wait," Rose said. "Wouldn't she be safe at the hospital?"

The vision of Bella's attack rolled through my head like a horrific, unwanted movie that I couldn't turn off. "You would think so," I said. "But the man... her attacker, is an employee... a male nurse or maybe an orderly. I don't see him that clearly except through Bella's eyes, but I think... I think he's done this before to other women. Maybe not at this same hospital, but there's definitely something more that I'm not seeing. The looks he gives her are not... normal. She's scared of him."

Any more discussion was cut short by the airline calling our flight to Jacksonville. We got on board the plane and took our seats in first class. We were quiet until our plane was taxing down the runway, at which point Rose asked me a question.

"Did they take your clothes away too?" Rose asked gently keeping her voice low enough that only I could hear her.

It was a question I'd asked myself more than once since I'd seen I'd been seeing the visions of Bella in the hospital. After our encounter with James last year, I'd done some research into my human life and my own time in the asylum, but even the small amount of information I'd uncovered couldn't answer Rose's question for me.

"I don't know, I can't remember," I said honestly as the plane lifted off. "When I woke up after my change I was dressed, but..."

"But what?"

"I didn't think about it at the time, but looking back, I'm pretty sure the clothes were brand new and they weren't on exactly straight. You know, as if someone had dressed me rather than me dressing myself."

As our plane soared into the sky, I was mildly surprised when Rose said nothing and instead reached out and taking my hand, gave it a squeeze.

Thankful that the question and answer time was over for now, I focused my attention on what we had to do once we got to the hospital.

I just hoped we'd be in time.

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Well, there it is, the first chapter of my new story, the first Twilight story I've written. I have about the first 20 chapters of this story already done, but I write a bit slowly and don't want to catch up to myself too fast so I plan on posting one chapter a week, probably on Saturdays.

See you next week and have a happy New Year!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. I never expected to have such a great response so soon after posting just the first chapter. I think you are all terrific.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Warning:**_ Please be aware of the Mature rating for violence in this chapter. At the risk of spoiling you on what happens, I wanted to say that while Bella will be the victim of violence, she will NOT be raped. I just couldn't take that step with her.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 2<strong>_

**ROSE**

"God damn cars!" I snarled as I wove through the freeway traffic.

Our plane had circled the Jacksonville airport for nearly an hour due to a backlog of planes on the ground so we were running late. Because of the delay we'd ended up 'appropriating' a car from long term parking instead of renting one like we'd planned. Once we picked up Bella, we planned to rent a car for the long drive back to New York and we'd return this first car to the airport parking lot. Hopefully with no one being the wiser.

"Rose," Alice chided from the passenger seat. "We need to hurry but if you wreck the car, it will take us that much longer to get there."

"I know, I know. I just can't believe we circled the freakin' airport for an hour!" I said, looking at the car's dashboard clock. It read 6:45 pm. "Are we still going to make it?"

Alice sat there quietly for a moment, presumably reviewing the vision she'd had when the pilot had announced our landing would be delayed. "It's going to be close, very close," she said. "The graveyard shift change is at 7 pm and he's going to do it just after that when there are less people around."

I pressed down on the accelerator. We drove for another five miles, then Alice told me to exit the freeway.

"Take a right up here at the light," she said as the hospital came into view. "There are some woods behind the hospital that should hide the car."

I followed her directions and sure enough, a small wooded area appeared and I pulled the car off the road and into the trees far enough that no one would ever see it. Moving quickly to the trunk of the car, we pulled out our supplies. Even though we'd be moving fast enough through the hospital not to be seen by the human eye, we wanted to blend in with the white walls of the hospital as much as possible. Plus our outfits would conceal our identities if we did have to stop for some reason. We pulled on white clothing over our regular clothes. White sweatpants, white hooded sweatshirts, white cotton gloves and white scarves over our heads and faces. The final piece of our ensemble was a small white backpack containing clothes for Bella that Alice slipped on.

Under other circumstances, I would have laughed at our appearance. We looked vaguely like two snow white ninjas. But there was nothing funny about what we were doing so the only expression I wore was one of grim determination.

"Ready?" she asked as I closed the trunk.

I nodded and we set off. While we'd been circling the Jacksonville airport, Alice had broken the 'no electronic devices' rule and used her Blackberry to find a rudimentary map on the hospital's website and we'd both committed it to memory. Luckily, one of her visions had shown her what room Bella was in so we'd also been able to plot out our route through the hospital.

The easiest route would have been to scale the building and go in through the window of Bella's room. But the windows were small and fixed and covered with bars. While we could have just broken the window and torn the bars off, neither would have been very helpful for our plan to be stealthy. The front entrance would have taken too long and left us too exposed. We'd decided that the best way in was another access point that was nearer to Bella's room. It was a stairwell exit, the kind that would let you out of the stairwell but then locked from the outside when the door closed.

As with the bars on the windows, we could have just wrenched the door off of its hinges but again, that have would defeated our plan to be stealthy. Luck was with us when we found that it didn't have an alarm and we saw no security cameras. Picking locks was sort of a hobby for Alice and she had no more problem getting around the lock on the door than she'd had picking the lock on the car's trunk. We were inside and moving up to Bella's third floor room within three minutes of us leaving the car.

Silently, we came out of the stairwell and streaked past the solitary nurse who was on duty at the wide nurses' station that served that section of patient rooms. She didn't even look up from the file she was reading as we flew past. Bella's room was on the left at the far end of the hall and we found it without any trouble. The hospital was old enough that they apparently hadn't discovered the benefits of security cameras which was another plus for us.

It was the type of door that was usually locked from the outside to keep the patients from wandering but we found it was unlocked, which likely meant her assailant was already in there with her. Pushing the door open, we slipped silently inside. There were no lights on in the room and only a small amount of light was coming in through the small barred window, but I still had no trouble seeing the horror of Alice's vision unfolding in real time right before my eyes.

Immediately I knew; we'd gotten there with only moments to spare.

Whether it was because he was so focused on what he was doing or we'd come in so fast and quiet he hadn't even noticed our entrance, Bella's attacker continued blithely on with what he was doing. He was still completely dressed in his white hospital uniform but he'd already stripped Bella, removing any underwear she might have had on and the thin cotton hospital gown so she was completely laid bare to him. He was in the process of flipping her limp body over onto her stomach. His intention was immediately clear and horrifyingly obvious.

He was so large, was my first thought. Bigger than Emmett even. Bella looked like a child next to him. My second thought was if he had been able to continue with what he had planned, it would have been unspeakably painful for her.

As for Bella herself, her only struggle was the low whimpering sound she made as she feebly tried to crawl away from him.

The whimpering sound chilled me to the bone. It was a sound I knew well. A sound I'd heard coming from my own body the night my human life had ended.

"Hold still, you little bitch!" he snapped at her and I heard the solid, ugly sound of his fist connecting with her flesh as he angrily punched her in the back to try and get her to stop moving. Bella's little cry of pain was my signal.

I didn't speak, I didn't hesitate. Although Alice and I had not discussed it, killing him had been my plan all along. I was on his back, my hands on each side of his head and his neck was broken before he could even register our presence. He was dead before his body hit the floor.

"Pig," I spat at him.

Alice was already moving to Bella. While I didn't think there were any significant open wounds, even in the dark, the smell of her blood was intensifying as it rose through the layers of her skin where bruises would already be blooming on her body from where he'd beaten her. Maybe she'd put up more of a fight than I thought she would. If so, then good for her.

Still whimpering, Bella continued to try and move away, but her body didn't seem to be cooperating and her movement was more or less confined to her right hand scratching at the bed sheet as if she were trying to pull herself further up the bed.

"Bella?" Alice said quietly. "Can you hear me?"

The almost mindless movements of her hand continued, but the whimpering began to fade.

"Bella, honey? It's Alice," she tried again, this time lightly touching Bella's shoulder. "I know you're hurt and scared but we're here now and you're safe."

Bella flinched at Alice's touch and the scratching of her fingers on the sheet began to slow, and then finally stopped altogether.

"Alice?" she finally said in a voice that wasn't even loud enough to be a whisper. Without our vampire hearing, we never would have caught it.

Alice looked relieved. "Yes, Bella. It's me."

"It hurts," she whimpered.

Even I wasn't immune to her plaintive words and a dry, burning feeling stung my eyes.

"I know it hurts, honey," Alice said. "I'm sorry we didn't get here sooner."

"Help me," Bella managed brokenly in another sound that was half whisper and half sob.

"That's why we're here," Alice told her. "We're going to take you away from here."

But Bella was silent now and all movement from her had ceased as her body sagged into the hard mattress. Only her breathing and her heartbeat told us she was even alive.

"Bella?" Alice tried again, but got no response at all.

Alice glanced up at me and we exchanged a long look. Then, very gently, Alice turned Bella onto her back and I couldn't suppress a gasp. Bella's eyes were closed and the left side of her face was already an ugly swollen mass of black and blue to the point that her right eye was almost swollen shut. Apparently he'd done quite the job on her. Fist sized bruises were also forming at various places on her left shoulder and both sides of her torso. Thankfully, there was little broken skin or actual blood, just a bit drying here and there on her face from her nose and from cuts to her lip and near her eye.

There was also some kind of medical tubing that seemed to be coming out of her skin just below the area where her collar bone met the base of her throat. It almost looked like some kind of i.v. but the location seemed wrong to me. It had been taped down so it wasn't in danger of being pulled out, but I still didn't understand the purpose of it. Apparently Alice didn't either because she didn't disturb it. It occurred to me then that it would probably be a good idea for Alice and me to hunt soon just to be safe, but even if we didn't, I didn't think we'd have any trouble controlling our thirst around Bella.

As if the bruises and the i.v. thing weren't bad enough, I saw something else that quite frankly startled me. Her ribs. Not the fact that they were bruised and, I suspected, some were probably cracked or broken from the beating, but you could easily count them. Parts of her pelvis were also clearly defined through her skin. It hadn't been as obvious from the back, but now I saw she was on the verge of going from being way too thin to being emaciated.

"Well, don't just stand there!" Alice hissed at me, as she started to pull out clothes for Bella.

I shook myself. She was right. We didn't have time for me to just stand there and stare. "What do you want me to do with him? Should we leave him here?" I asked. I didn't relish the idea of touching the lump at my feet again.

"No, we can't leave him. It will look suspicious if he's here and Bella's gone," Alice said. "We'll have to take him with us and bury him somewhere. Hopefully they'll think he took her and go looking for him. Wrap him in the bed sheets and we'll put him in the trunk until we can find a place."

While Alice lifted Bella from the bed, I quickly stripped off the sheets and tossed them on the floor. Alice laid Bella gently back on the bare mattress and began to dress her in the same white clothing we were wearing. With as little care as possible, I wrapped the lifeless lump on the floor in the flat sheet and then tore the fitted sheet into strips to tie around the bundle at different places to keep the sheet from falling off. When I was finished, he looked a lot like an Egyptian mummy. In my opinion, it was far too dignified an end for him. I would rather have left him stripped bare like I'm sure he would have left Bella. I made a mental note to do just that when we buried his sorry ass later.

Alice reached into the back pack and pulled out a stocking cap and a small object she handed to me. "Go out to the nurses' station and get Bella's medical information," she instructed. "Carlisle might need it to treat her. Get her regular chart and then check the computer to see if there are any files for her in there too. Put whatever you can pull off the computer onto this flash drive."

She laid the small memory stick in my hand. "What do I do about the nurse?"

"I don't know. Make some kind of distraction or noise down the hall and then while she's down checking it, get the information," she suggested as she began to carefully tuck Bella's hair into the white stocking cap.

I nodded and left the room. The nurse, still completely unaware of our presence, continued to be the only one at the desk or in the vicinity. I attributed that to the fact that it was now the graveyard shift and the orderly now lying dead on the floor of Bella's room was probably also supposed to be on duty.

Taking Alice's suggestion, I ran down to the end of the opposite hall where I saw a large cart loaded with medical supplies. Luckily, the nurses station was set back into an alcove of sorts far enough that you had to get up from it to actually see down to either end of the hall. With a simple twist of my wrist, I sent the cart onto it's side, spilling the contents on the floor with a loud crash.

I blew past the confused looking nurse as she headed down the hall toward the mess I'd made. I was back at the nurse's station in a second and easily found Bella's chart in the rack. Setting it on the counter, I turned my attention to the computer.

"I hope this thing isn't pass coded," I grumbled.

Moving the mouse, the aquatic screen saver dissolved and the database program they used to store patient information came up. Pausing for just a moment, I checked to make sure that the nurse was still busy. Seeing she was, I slid the flash drive into the slot on the front of the hard drive and entered Bella's name into the search screen and crossed my fingers.

After a silent beat, Bella's information came up without any difficulty or request for a password.

"Lucky for us, the security here is a joke," I muttered.

I didn't have time to do a victory dance or actually look at the information that came up, so I quickly searched for the command that would let me download the information. I finally found it under the 'export' function and of course it asked me HOW I wanted to export it. Great, I had no idea which would be best so I just selected to have it exported in Rich text format and saved it to the flash drive. That would have to do.

Then the waiting began, there was nothing I could do to get the computer to go any faster. I felt exposed just standing there and from the sound of it, the nurse was almost done cleaning up so I was quickly running out of time.

"Hurry up, you piece of crap!" I hissed in a low whisper. "I haven't got all night."

As if it heard me, a message box popped up saying the download was finished. I yanked the flash drive out of the slot, shoved it in my pocket and then reset the search parameters so Bella's information was no longer showing.

"Thank you," I muttered patting the monitor.

It was just in time too. The nurse had finished cleaning and she was walking back up the hall toward the desk. Grabbing Bella's written chart, I crouched low behind the counter so she wouldn't see me and when she was back behind the desk, I sprinted back up the hall to Bella's room. Apparently, the nurse was still baffled by the mess in the hall but was otherwise unaware I'd even been there since she went back to the file she'd been reading as soon as she sat down.

Slipping back into Bella's room, I found Alice ready and waiting. "Did you get it?" she asked.

"Yes," I said handing her the chart and the flash drive.

She shoved both of them into her backpack and then she gently lifted Bella, cradling her in her arms. "Put him over your shoulder, so you'll have your hands free. I'd do the same with Bella but with the condition her ribs are in, it would probably hurt her. You'll have to go first to open the doors."

I nodded and slung the lump over my shoulder with about as much care as someone would show a sack of potatoes. Neither of us had the least bit of trouble with the extra added weight we were carrying. Then I moved to the door and pulled it open.

"Ready?" I whispered to Alice.

She nodded and I held the door open as she darted out into the hallway. Once again we streaked past the nurse without even making her look up and I moved past Alice as we neared the stairwell door again. I had it open and Alice was heading down the stairs in a blink. The exit door at the bottom of the stairs had a push bar on it so Alice just used her hip to open it and then we were back out in the open air, running across the wide lawn to where we left the car. The whole operation had taken about 20 minutes and as far as I could tell, we'd gotten away cleanly.

With as little gentleness as possible, I threw my bundle down on the ground by the trunk. Having to be so close to him had made even my vampire skin feel a bit like things were crawling under it. It reminded me a little too much of Royce and his cronies. When I'd killed them, I'd left them where they'd fallen, not caring who found them.

Shaking that thought back into the depths of my mind, I went around and opened the car door so Alice could carefully lay Bella down in the backseat.

"Go get the car started," Alice instructed. "And I'll take care of getting the body stowed away in the trunk."

I went around to the drivers door and dropped down into the seat. We'd stolen the older model Toyota sedan because it was not only non-descript but it was easier to hotwire. Most newer cars had kill switches that required you to have the correct key or the engine wouldn't start to prevent just such activity. There were ways around that feature but it took time and equipment we didn't have so we'd gone for the tried and true method.

Leaning under the steering column, I gripped the wires that I'd already pulled out when we'd originally appropriated the car and connected the correct ones. The engine immediately sparked to life. Just then I heard the trunk open, the car bounced slightly as the body was thrown in and then the trunk was slammed closed again. A moment later, the back door opened and Alice climbed into the backseat with Bella.

"Let's go," she instructed. "Head back to the rental place so I can get us another car."

I nodded and we pulled away from the woods and the hospital beyond it. I was happy to see it disappearing in the review mirror. I could only imagine what a psychiatric hospital from Alice's time would have been like. Actually, no I couldn't. It was too horrible to even imagine.

We drove to the car rental agency near the airport in silence, each of us stripping off our white clothing so that we weren't quite so conspicuous in the dark. Luckily, the rental place was open late and they weren't busy so it didn't take Alice long to get us a new car. Jasper always suggested that we keep one set of false IDs and a matching credit card with us at all times just in case some emergency arose where we didn't want to use our real names, but the only one who did it religiously was Alice. She used her fake ID and credit card now to rent the car so it couldn't be traced back to us. Then we drove to a nearby commercial area that was deserted at that time of the night and switched Bella and everything else from one car to another.

As usual, Alice had gone all out and rented us a full size Lexus sedan. Still, I had to admit it was nice. Even nicer than Carlisle's Mercedes. It also had a bigger back seat than our stolen Toyota so Bella would have enough room to stretch out during the trip.

"Okay, go return the car and then we'll meet up at the store like we planned," Alice told me as she got into the driver's seat of the Lexus.

I quickly drove the Toyota back to the airport lot and just in case they had security cameras, I made sure to shield my face just as we'd done when we driven the car out of the airport lot the first time. No one appeared to have noticed the car's absence. I even found an empty space near where it had originally been parked. I did my best to put back the steering column the way it was before I'd hotwired the car, and for the most part I was successful. Depending on how observant the owner was they might or might not notice.

Then I ran to a Wal-Mart shopping center nearby that we had picked out ahead of time and I found Alice waiting right where I expected her. When she saw me, she climbed out of the driver's seat.

"Did everything go okay?" she asked.

"Yes, I don't think anyone saw me."

"Good, I'm going to go in and pick up a few things," she said hooking her thumb toward the Wal-Mart.

"Wow, Alice, you've been in a Wal-Mart twice in the same day. If you're not careful, they're going to cancel your credit cards at Bloomingdale's and Neiman Marcus," I teased.

A little indignant, she gave me a sniff. "After this, I swear, I am never going to bad mouth Wal-Mart again. They've been very handy on this trip. I guess there's something to be said for shopping with the masses after all," she said. "I would have picked up everything while you were returning the car but I didn't want to leave Bella or the body in the trunk unguarded."

"Well, I'm here now, so go on. I'll keep an eye on things," I urged. "Don't take too long. The sooner we can get out of here the better. I want to get rid of the body as soon as possible."

"Me, too," she agreed as she walked to the entrance of the mega store. "I've got my phone if anything happens, but I won't be long."

"Right," I said before sliding behind the wheel to wait for her.

I passed the time by counting the slow, soft sound of Bella's heartbeat. Finally, unable to stop myself, I turned around to look at her. A wave of pity ran through me. If possible, she looked worse now than she had when we'd taken her from the hospital, at least her face did. It was even more swollen and black and blue than before. The rest of her was still covered by the clothing Alice had dressed her in so I couldn't tell if it was worse or not, but I imagined it was. Even though I know Alice would have bought clothing in the correct size, they still swam on Bella's too thin frame.

"You'd really be better off if you could just get over my idiot brother," I observed, then sighed. "I know, I know, not going to happen. I think we've all known it from the start, even him, although he doesn't want to admit it." I stared at her hard for a moment. "Bella, I'll be the first to admit that we haven't always gotten along. Okay, so we never got a long, truth is I never gave you much of a chance." I tried to soften my voice and my expression. "But I am really sorry for what happened to you. I know what it's like for someone to use their fists to break you apart and no one should have to go through that."

Bella remained quiet and still through my little speech and it occurred to me that talking to a sleeping or possibly comatose woman was a little ludicrous so I turned back around in my seat. Alice's return saved me from any further urge to talk to Bella.

It always looked strange to see Alice pushing a shopping cart. She was more the type that had people carrying things for her. But she clearly had enough stuff to warrant a cart.

"Come open the trunk for me," she said.

"What the hell did you buy?" I said as I opened the trunk.

"A little of this and a little of that," she said with a grin as she handed me two large shovels. "Unless, of course, you want mess up your manicure digging the hole later."

I smirked. "Excellent."

I tossed the shovels into the trunk, and was pleased when I heard them make a nice clang when the metal parts of them connected with the sheet wrapped head. As if to put an exclamation point on what I thought of him, I slammed the trunk lid closed.

"I also got some first aid supplies, a cooler to hold the ice I bought to make a cold pack for Bella's face and her ribs and some water and food for her on the drive home," Alice continued as she put the other supplies on the floor of the back seat. "I also got her some slippers because she has no shoes and a blanket to make sure she stays warm."

I nodded and was a little annoyed to find a sudden lump in my throat. The idea of Bella needing slippers to keep her feet warm because she had no shoes was an oddly poignant image to me. It had been so cold the night my life had ended and I vaguely remembered that my shoes had come off at some point. My body had eventually gone numb, but it occurred to me that my feet must have been cold, even if I hadn't felt it. The thought made me angry that Bella might be feeling something like that now. I didn't want that for her.

I was also feeling the beginnings of an odd new camaraderie with Alice. Of course, she was my sister and I loved her, but something had shifted between us in the last twenty-four hours. Some of our shared history, our shared pain had come together in this human and in our quest to save her. In that moment, I knew that somehow our futures would be forever linked with each other and with Bella's and I was a little surprised to find that I didn't mind that idea so much.

"Well, then I'll be sure to turn up the heat in the car," I said quietly. "Now let's take her home."

**ALICE**

After putting the soft, warm slippers on Bella's ice cold feet, I'd wrapped her in the large, thick blanket I'd bought until she looked almost like a swaddled child as her head rested in my lap. I wanted to keep her as warm as possible to stave off any chance she might be going into shock. I had also put a cold pack on the left side of her face to try and help with the worst of the swelling. She hadn't so much as flinched when the cold had touched her skin.

I could have used my hand instead of the cold pack, but the pack was even colder than my skin and I was a little worried that I would press too hard with my hand and cause her some kind of unnecessary pain. With something so cold touching her skin, I'd left the stocking cap on her head to try and keep as much of her body heat in as possible. A long strand of her hair had slipped out of it, however, and I found myself idly toying with it as Rose got on Interstate 95 and headed north.

As for Rose and I, we didn't speak for a long while, both of us being absorbed in our own thoughts. Aside from the engine noise, the only sounds in the car for a while were Bella's slow heart beat and breathing.

Using my Blackberry, I'd checked to see how long the drive from Jacksonville to Ithaca should take. MapQuest said it should take approximately 20 hours, but with the way Rose was driving I figured it would take closer to 15 to 17 hours. I couldn't pinpoint it any closer than that because I suspected we might hit some traffic going through some of the bigger cities and we also needed some additional time to hunt and then bury the body, both of which we planned to do when we saw a suitable spot in North Carolina. The good news was, I didn't see any visions of us getting pulled over for speeding or anything, but we still had to be careful. It wouldn't do for us to get pulled over and have a state trooper find a badly beaten Bella in the back seat and a body in the trunk.

"How is she?" Rose asked me as we crossed from Florida into Georgia.

I looked down at Bella and the small amount of her that I was actually visible. It was so hard to look at her for any length of time. It made even my silent heart break for what she'd been through and it made my guilt at what my silence had done even that much worse.

"She's unconscious right now I think or maybe just sleeping, I can't be sure," I told Rose. "Her breathing is steady enough but it sounds a little labored. I'm not sure why."

"Maybe because that asshole beat the shit out of her and broke some of her ribs!" Rose snapped back at me, stating the obvious.

I was too heartsick to react to the acid in her comment. "Yes, Rose, I know," I said quietly. "I saw it happen, remember?"

I saw Rose flinch a little and I guessed that my quiet comment had been more effective than an angry one would have been. It occurred to me then that this whole thing could be very hard for Rose too. Up until then I'd only thought about Bella's trauma and maybe a little bit for my own at seeing in my head what had been done to her and beyond that to what might have been done if we hadn't gotten there in time. I hadn't considered how Rose might be feeling.

Rose often reacted to things with anger or an attitude of callousness, but from comments Jasper had made and my own observations, I knew that was just a defense mechanism that usually masked her true emotions. In many respects, what had been done to Bella tonight had come perilously close to mirroring what had happened to Rose, except that Rose had no one to save her from the monsters. I didn't see any way that Rose couldn't be at least a little affected by that.

"I'm sorry Alice," she apologized. "I'm just angry. I shouldn't take it out on you."

I reached out and lightly squeezed her shoulder. "I know, Rose. It's been a tough night for all of us."

"I do like her, you know," she blurted into the silence.

Surprised, I pulled my hand away and sat back against the seat but didn't say anything. Rose often said more when you didn't press her and just let her say what she had to say when she was ready to say it.

"You all think I hate her," she continued after a moment. "SHE thinks I hate her, but I don't. I..." Her voice faltered and I could tell she was searching for the right words. "I don't know. I guess... it's complicated."

The words were out of my mouth before I had really considered them. "You're jealous of her," I said quietly.

I could tell she almost denied it, wanted to deny it. But with just the three of us in the confines of this rented car, flying through the night, Rose must have recognized, as I did, that denials were fairly ridiculous in the face of what had happened to us that night.

"I guess I am," she replied.

"Is it Edward?" I asked her quietly, even though I didn't think it was. "Do you have some feelings for him that you've never told us about?"

She snorted. "God no, nothing like that. He's just my stupid, pointy headed brother," she told me.

I couldn't help but smile at that. Edward had been rather pointy headed in the last few months.

Rose continued. "In the beginning, I told myself I didn't like Bella because she would expose us, endanger us. But the truth is I envied her humanity and what she found with him. I saw how it changed them both for the better. It's so obvious that they're soul mates. All you have to do is look at them and you can't help but see that. I wanted that too."

"But Emmett..." I began.

"I love Emmett and I've never regretted choosing him, in fact I think I got luckier than I deserve when he came into my life and wanted me too. But if I could be human AND still have him, I would be the happiest woman who walked the face of the earth." She sighed. "I guess what made me the angriest with Bella was that, at least before her birthday, she had everything and she wanted to throw it away to be one of us."

"No, she didn't want to throw it away," I disagreed. "That's how you see it. To her, becoming like us meant she could be with Edward forever. She loves him, Rose. Maybe more than she should, but it is what it is. It was her choice."

Rose was quiet for a long moment as she seemed to consider that. "A choice Edward took away from her. None of this would have happened to her if he hadn't gotten it in his head to protect her," she said a little bitterly. "If Emmett ever tries to do that to me, I'll rip his goddamn arms off."

Now it was my turn to be quiet for a moment. "It seems to me that's something the three of us have in common."

"What? Wanting to rip Emmett's arms off?" Rose asked with a little smirk.

I couldn't even find humor in the thought of tormenting Emmett. "No, at one time or another, we've all had someone in our lives that took away our choice in a very big way," I pointed out. "For Bella it was Edward and the monster in the trunk, for you it was Royce and the other men, and for me, well it's a little fuzzy, but it was either my parents for committing me or the man who changed me or both of them."

I saw Rose's eyes tighten a bit in the review mirror. "Well, never again," she said with a low growl as she pressed down on the accelerator. "Bella's got us now and I'll be damned if anyone is going to take away any of her choices ever again."

TBC...

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><p>Thanks for reading. See you next week!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. I'm doing my darndest to answer them all.

This chapter is very long, originally I thought about cutting it, but I liked the flow so I left it in one piece. I think it's also one of my favorite chapters in the story. There's a part in here for Rose and Emmett that still gets me every time. I thought Rose's character was written a bit two-dimensionally in canon and so I've tried to give her more depth and make her more likeable. I hope you like it.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 3<strong>_

**ALICE**

The sun was just beginning to lighten the eastern sky as I watched Rose throw the last shovel full of North Carolina red clay earth onto the fresh grave. We would have preferred to burn the body since giving him a semi-proper burial in the very deep hole we dug seemed to be too good for him, but the smoke might have attracted attention and we couldn't have that. For good measure, we took both our shovels and pounded the ground down as much as we could. I had to admit it was surprisingly cathartic, but Rose got a little carried away and the handle of her shovel suddenly snapped in half.

"Okay, I think that means we're done," I said with a laugh.

Rose spat venom on the freshly turned earth. "Damn right."

We walked back to the car which was parked a few yards away and tossed my shovel and the two pieces of Rose's in the trunk. Pulling out one of the empty Wal-Mart bags, I shoved the clothes and the sheets we'd stripped off the body before we'd buried him and tossed that in the trunk as well. We planned on ditching the last of the evidence in a dumpster somewhere between here and home, probably when we stopped for gas. Keeping the evidence away from the body seemed like the best idea. Rose also seemed to have it in her mind that he deserved to be buried with as little dignity as possible. And to be honest, I really couldn't find a reason to disagree with her.

We'd hunted before we'd taken care of the body, each taking turns so Bella wouldn't be alone or unprotected. Hunting had made it that much easier to ignore the smell of the bruises on her skin and the small amount of dried blood on her face. Now that we were done with the two major tasks on our list, I climbed back into the rear seat with Bella, while Rose got behind the wheel and started the engine.

"She still out?" she asked as she turned the car around and headed down the secluded dirt road back toward the interstate.

"Yes, she seems to be," I said, putting a fresh ice pack on Bella's face. The swelling had gone down some but not as much as I'd hoped and her right eye was still swollen closed. From the two very black eyes she was already sporting, it was also pretty obvious that her nose was broken.

"Should she have been out this long?" Rose asked with concern. "I know she's been through a lot, but I would think she would have come around or something by now. At least made some kind of sound, but she's been so damn quiet."

I knew what she meant. It had actually been a little eerie for Bella to be so still and quiet this whole time. She hadn't said anything since she'd begged me to help her at the hospital. I tried to force my head to produce some sort of clue as to when she might wake up, but it was annoyingly silent. That was the problem with my visions; they didn't usually act on command.

"I don't know. I would have thought she would have given some sign of consciousness by now too," I agreed. "If she was awake, I think we'd know it. She's undoubtedly going to be in a lot of pain when she wakes up."

I mulled over a few possibilities of what we should do and the only one viable option I could see was to keep doing what we were doing and take her back to Ithaca with us. Taking her to a local hospital wouldn't work. They'd take one look at her and start asking questions that we couldn't answer. There was also the fact that the hospital in Jacksonville must have discovered she and the orderly were missing by now so there was a very good chance law enforcement in the surrounding states would be on the lookout for her or someone answering her description. As I recall, hospitals would have to report injuries like Bella's to the police and once they did, we'd all be completely screwed.

"As long as she doesn't get any worse, I guess there's not much we can do but get her to Carlisle," I finally commented.

"I suppose not," Rose added.

We both lapsed into silence then and I looked out the window. The sun would be up soon, probably about the time we crossed into in Virginia. My senses told me the weather would be nice until we reached northern Pennsylvania so we were both wearing gloves and scarves so we would be hidden enough to keep the sun from sparkling off our skin.

Rose's next question a few minutes later broke the quiet. "Just out of curiosity, how pissed is Jasper's going to be at you for doing this?"

"Pretty pissed," I conceded. "And because of her injuries, he'll have to use a bit of extra self-control around Bella for a while, but when he sees how badly she's hurt, he'll forgive me."

Rose snorted. "As if Jasper has ever been able to stay mad at you for longer than five minutes."

"Yes, he is rather forgiving," I conceded with a smile. "Which is why he's perfect for me, of course."

"Well, at least Emmett won't be angry. I think he's really missed Bella," Rose admitted. "Even though he hides it behind his teasing comments about her being a clumsy human, I think he sees her like a little sister. That asshole back there in the ground is lucky I got to him first. Emmett would have slowly torn him into small pieces for hurting Bella."

Besides myself and Esme, Emmett had been the one to fight the hardest against Edward's decision for us to leave Forks. He thought Edward was being stupid and pointed out that no one could protect Bella better than we could. Edward, of course, had insisted and Emmett had eventually, reluctantly, given in.

"Esme is going to be happy to see her too," I said. "She's going to take one look at Bella and her mothering tendencies will come out in full force."

"You're right. I can already see her clucking over Bella like a mother hen."

There was a long, thoughtful pause from Rose and then she voiced the question we'd both been thinking about but had been reluctant to say out loud. "So what exactly are we going to do when our idiot brother calls next time?"

"I've been giving that some thought. Luckily, he only calls in every few weeks, but when he does call, I think we should avoid telling him about her for as long as possible."

Rose nodded. "And what about when he finally decides to show up?" she asked. "You know he will eventually whether he knows about Bella or not."

I sighed. "I don't know. Hopefully, I'll see when he's coming so we'll have some warning. A lot will depend on Bella and how she's doing."

"And what if he decides to send her back to Renee or Charlie?" she asked cautiously.

"I've actually been considering that and I don't think he will," I told her honestly. "I'm not sure what he'll do when he finds out what we've done, but once he hears the whole story of what happened to her, I can't imagine that he would do anything to put her in jeopardy again. Despite the fact that it's been a fiasco from start to finish, he left Bella because he really does love her and thought it was best for her. I'm sure he never would have done it if he'd thought for one minute that she'd come to some kind of harm."

"If he loved her so much, maybe he should have asked what she thought about his little plan BEFORE he arbitrarily carried it out and made us his accomplices," Rose said bitterly. "He makes the decision, but Bella is the one to suffer the consequences."

"He's suffered too," I put in.

I wasn't sure why I was defending Edward. I didn't agree with his actions any more than Rose did, but the visions of him I'd seen had not been pleasant ones. To say he looked miserable, was an understatement. An empty shell was a better description. He looked gaunt and underfed and unless I was mistaken, still wearing the same clothes he'd had on when we'd last seen him. Not exactly the image of a man who was happy with his choices.

"Has he suffered like she has?" Rose snapped.

"No, of course not," I replied calmly. I couldn't find any anger to put in my reply. I was just sad and tired and sorry for all the damage that had been done over the last few months. "Bella has definitely borne the brunt of it, but I'm just saying Edward hasn't been unscathed by their separation either and I know he's never going to forgive himself when he finds out what's happened to her."

"Jackass deserves what he gets," Rose grumbled unsympathetically.

I knew it wouldn't do any good to argue with her and since I really didn't disagree with her it seemed fairly pointless to do so anyway so I let it go.

"But on the off chance our dear brother does have some crazy idea about sending her back to Renee or Charlie for that matter and I'm not sure that Bella is 100% in agreement, then he'll have to go through me to do it," I told Rose. "I won't let her go without a fight. Not this time. I'll kidnap her myself if I have to and if she wants to be changed and Carlisle won't do it, I'll find some other way."

Rose was quiet for a moment, "Good," she said firmly. "Then we're on the same page."

**ROSE**

We drove into Ithaca about 1 pm that afternoon. Originally, we'd planned to stop at the airport on the way in to pick up Carlisle's car and return the rental, but it seemed more prudent to get Bella to Carlisle as soon as possible so we were still driving the Lexus when we pulled up in front of the house. Plus, Carlisle's car was only a two door and it would have made getting Bella in and out of it that much more difficult.

Hearing the unfamiliar car pull up in the driveway, everyone came out to see us.

"Rose?" Emmett asked as I climbed out of the drivers seat. "Where the hell have you guys been?" His tone was teasing not angry. "You better not have been having fun without me."

No, Emmett. We definitely haven't been having fun.

"And where's my car?" Carlisle asked with an equally teasing tone. "The last time I checked I had a Mercedes, not a Lexus." He grinned. "Or did you decide to buy me one?"

I didn't say anything by way of greeting, nor did I answer either of their questions as I climbed out of the car and went to open the back door.

Slowly and carefully, Alice slid out of the back seat with Bella cradled in her arms. Given the fact that she was still swaddled in the blanket and her head was covered with the stocking cap, it was not immediately obvious to them who she was holding, but the minute Carlisle saw that Alice was carrying someone, he rushed forward.

"What's happened?" he asked; his tone now serious.

"It's Bella, Carlisle," Alice told him.

"Bella?" Esme said with a gasp as she ran forward to stand next to Carlisle. "What's wrong?"

"She was beaten and is badly injured," Alice told them.

Pulling his shocked gaze away from Alice's face, Carlisle gently pulled back the blanket and he and Esme immediately saw Bella's battered face.

"Dear God in heaven," Esme gasped.

"Oh, Alice, what have you done?" Carlisle asked.

"We didn't do that to her, we saved her life!" I snapped before Alice could answer.

"But Edward..." he began.

"She was going to die, Carlisle," Alice blurted. "Do you think he'd want that? Do YOU want that?"

"No, of course not." He let out a resigned sigh. "What a mess."

I opened my mouth to bite out a retort but Alice beat me to it and to everyone's surprise, mine included, she started yelling at Carlisle.

"No, Carlisle! What's a mess is the fact that Edward left her and made us leave her and Rose and I were the ones that had to pick up the pieces and stop her from being raped and murdered!"

More proud of her than I could say, I couldn't help but smirk. "Damn straight."

Using a human mannerism, Carlisle blinked at us in surprise. We never yelled at Carlisle. It just wasn't done. Not because he would hurt us for it or somehow punish us, but because we all respected and revered him too much, not to mention he never did anything that called for any kind of verbal assault. But if Alice was feeling anything like I was, she'd had probably just about enough of everything we'd been through in the last twenty four hours and she was in no mood right now to justify her actions.

"I'm sorry, Alice," Carlisle said quietly. "Of course, you're right. We'll deal with the fall out later. Right now we need to concentrate on Bella. Put her back in the car and we'll take her to the hospital and I..."

Alice cut him off. "We can't."

Carlisle frowned. "Why not? She clearly needs to be in a hospital."

"Because they'll ask too many questions," she told him. "There are... extenuating circumstances."

With something akin to long-suffering parental exasperation, Carlisle sighed. "There always are where you are concerned. Alice, she's going to need x-rays and probably a battery of tests, taking her to the hospital is the best..."

Not letting him finish, I decided to lay our cards on the table. "What she's trying not to tell you is that there's a good chance the authorities are looking for Bella."

He frowned. "Why would they be looking for her?"

"Look, we will explain everything later, but for right now, you're just going to have to trust us on this one," I said. "We're the only ones that can help her, Carlisle. Please."

He still looked a little torn, but before he could say anything more, Esme spoke up. "Bring her into the house."

"But Esme, she needs..." he began weakly.

"Clearly what she needs is us," Esme said as she led Alice toward the house. "And we will not turn her away. If Edward has a problem with that he can come see me, but she stays."

Carlisle sighed. He knew better than to argue with Esme when she was like this. "All right, but I still reserve the right to take her to the hospital if her injuries are life threatening."

"Agreed," Esme replied.

He nodded. "Then let's take her upstairs and put her on the couch in Edward's room so I can examine her."

"Jasper, there's blood," Alice said to him as she came closer with her bundle. "You'd better stay outside for now."

His face set into disapproving lines, Jasper silently nodded and took a few steps back. Despite what Alice had said about him forgiving her, I couldn't let the moment pass without saying something to him.

"Wipe that self-righteous expression off your face," I snarled at him as Alice carried Bella inside. "You have no idea, NO idea was she's been through, what we've all been through and until you've walked in our shoes, don't you dare judge us."

"This isn't what Edward wanted," he said tightly, but his expression had already changed from disapproval to pained sympathy after he'd glimpsed Bella's battered face when Alice had carried her into the house.

I couldn't contain the harsh laugh that spilled out of me. "So this is about what Edward wants? How about what Bella wanted? Hmm? Oh, that's right, she didn't get a vote. No one ASKED her what she wanted, not her parents, not Edward and especially not the monster whose beat her and would have raped and murdered her if we hadn't stopped him."

I got right up in Jasper's face, which given his past history and his occasional volatility wasn't always the best course of action, but I was mad enough not to care.

"And if you say one word, ONE WORD, to Edward about this, so help me Jasper, I will personally make you sorry."

"Okay, come on, come on," Emmett coaxed, tugging on my arm and trying to get me to back off. There was no teasing in his eyes now. He'd glimpsed Bella's face too. "Let's go in the house and see how Bella's doing."

"I already know how she's doing. She's doing shitty," I snarled. "Let go of me."

I jerked my arm out of his grasp and he put up his hands in surrender. He knew me well enough to know when to back off. I knew I was taking this out on him when he'd done nothing to deserve it, but I couldn't help it.

I stalked to the car and snatched Alice's backpack off the floor of the backseat and threw it at him. "Give this to Carlisle, it has Bella's medical file in it."

He caught it easily. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

I reached into the back seat and pulled out the cooler of ice Alice had used for the icepacks on Bella's face and stalked toward the garage with it. "If you must know, I'm going to unload the car and then I'm going to return it to the rental place and pick up Carlisle's car at the airport."

Silently, I heard him follow me into the garage, but I ignored him. I had every intention of tossing the cooler on the garage work bench. But suddenly, the anger inside me seemed to hit a flashpoint, making my vision go red at the edges and before I even knew what I was doing, I hurled the cooler across the room. It slammed into the wall, tearing a huge piece out of it and the cooler itself simply exploded, showering the work bench and the floor with ice, cold water and plastic pieces of debris.

I stood there, shaking with rage and breathing hard and fast like I was still human and had just run a marathon.

"Rosalie," Emmett said gently as a few stray pieces of ice slid off the workbench and dropped to the floor.

I choked. The way he'd softly said my full name tore through every ugly thing roiling inside me and I felt something break.

And that something was me.

The anger evaporated as quickly as it had come leaving only raw pain to flare in my chest like a mad thing trying to claw its way out. I pressed my hand to the spot as if pressing on it hard enough would push whatever it was back in.

"I saw Bella... saw what he'd done to her... knew what he would have done if we hadn't... because Royce had... they had... he was so big and Bella looked so small... like a child... and it was like watching myself." I was all but babbling now and I couldn't stop the dry sobs that bubbled up in my throat. "And for a moment... I was right there again, right fucking back there on the cold ground."

Then Emmett's strong arms were around me, all but holding me together as my whole body shook with emotion and the tears I couldn't cry. He was the only one I would ever let see me like this. Leaning into him, trying to draw on his strength, I clung to him like my existence depended on it.

"Emmett," I sobbed into his chest.

"I know, baby, I know," he soothed, rubbing a hand over my back. "It's okay. You're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

"I killed him." I admitted shakily. "The man... the animal that did that to Bella, I killed him. I'm not sorry I did."

"I figured," he said quietly. "You shouldn't be sorry. I'm glad you did. If you hadn't, I would have."

"I love you, Emmett," I choked out suddenly. "I never tell you. I'm sorry that I don't."

And it was true. I loved him intensely. Needed and loved him with a desperation that I never allowed myself to think about, much less show. He was as much my soul mate as Edward was Bella's. He knew me, understood me, even when I was hard and seemed unfeeling, he accepted me the way I was. I always pretended to be so tough, but the truth was, I didn't know what I'd do if he ever left me. I hoped I'd never have to find out.

"It's all right, " he said softy as he pressed his lips to my hair. "You don't have to tell me. I know how you feel. I am completely shit-faced in love with you too."

The worst of the tremors and the dry tears had begun to pass and I couldn't help but laugh a little at his words as I pulled back to look at him. "I couldn't do this without you, Emmett," I said brushing my fingers over his short hair. "I couldn't get through this life, or whatever you call it, without you."

Tenderly, he kissed the tip of my nose. "Well, good, 'cause you're never going to get the chance to try. I hate to tell you this, baby, but you saved me from that bear and now you're stuck with me for the duration."

I smiled, and my expression softened even more. "You know, a long time ago, I decided that it was probably a good thing that I didn't sleep anymore because I knew I wouldn't like what I saw in my nightmares." I laid my hand on his cheek. "But I think even the nightmares would be worth it if I could have dreams about you too."

Besides the fact he wasn't used to me saying things like that, it wasn't often that anyone stunned Emmett speechless. He usually had some comment ready for every occasion, even if it was something completely dorky. But there he stood, completely taken off guard by my words, without anything to say.

So, as we both so often did, he let his actions speak for the words he didn't have. Leaning in, he captured my lips in a light, lingering kiss. This wasn't one of the burn-down-the-house kisses that we so often shared. It was sweet and tender and full of every pure thing he felt for me. It touched a cold, dark place inside me, caressing it with warmth and light. Reclaiming it for me like a lost child.

Slowly, he pulled back to look at me. "Why don't you go take this bag to Carlisle, while I..."

"I can't..." I said, ashamed that I was acting like a coward. "I'm sorry, please don't make me go up there. I need a break from it, just for a little bit."

He nodded and gently brushed some hair back off my face. "It's okay, I'll take care of it. Why don't you finish taking everything out of the car and then you and I can go get Carlisle's Mercedes. Okay?"

I let out a relieved breath. "Okay."

He took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Promise you'll wait for me?"

I smiled and squeezed his hand back. "Promise."

**ALICE**

I moved as quickly upstairs as I could without jostling Bella. Carlisle opened the door to Edward's bedroom and I carried her inside. To say it was 'Edward's' room was a bit of a misnomer. He'd never actually been in it or lived here with us. Esme had set it aside for him out of wishful thinking for the day he would eventually come home. Most of his things were still stacked in boxes and the only real piece of furniture in the room was the flat couch that used to occupy his room in Forks.

"I'm a little worried about her breathing Carlisle," I said as I laid her on the couch. "It's been steady, but sounded a little labored to me. I think she might have an injury to her ribs."

"Okay, let me see what we've got here," he said kneeling down beside the couch. Slowly, he unwrapped the blanket she was swaddled in and then gently straightened Bella's body out on the couch.

"Here's your bag, Carlisle," Esme said as she handed him his black doctor's bag.

"Thank you, Esme. Please go turn the heat on. We need to keep her warm. And please get a large sheet and another blanket. Oh and close the door behind you, I'm going to have to undress her so I can examine her." Esme nodded and immediately left the room, closing the door as she went. Carlisle looked up at me. "Are you going to be all right to be in here with her?" he asked carefully.

"I've been in a closed car with her for the last 16 hours, Carlisle. It's not a problem," I said. "There wasn't much blood anyway and Rose and I hunted on the way to be sure it wasn't an issue."

He nodded. "Good, because I'd like you to stay in here. When she wakes up, I'm sure it will help to see a friendly, female, face."

"I can stay as long as she needs me."

"Good." He focused his attention back on Bella. He slipped the stocking cap off her head and ran his hands gently over her face and head. "No lumps on her skull, that's good," he murmured to himself as pulled the small pen light from his bag and carefully checked her pupils. "Pupils are equal and reactive, also good. How long has she been out?" he asked me.

"Pretty much since we found her. Over 16 hours," I said. "She spoke to me at first, even recognized me, but then she passed out and she hadn't made a sound since."

He nodded and continuing to speak more to himself than me as he cataloged her injuries. His vampire senses allowed him to determine a lot more than a human doctor could with just a cursory external exam.

"There's definitely a concussion, also a broken nose and from the swelling and blood pooling probably a fractured left jaw and cheek bone. We won't know how bad it is until I can take some x-rays. Her attacker must have had hands like bricks."

"Yes, he was very large," was all I said. "Bigger than Emmett even."

He gently tugged off her sweat pants and set them aside but left the underwear I'd put on her in place as he frowned and began to palpate her abdomen. "She's too thin," he murmured. "Much too thin." He ran his hands over each of her legs and feet. "But I don't see any damage to her lower extremities."

He looked at me, his face compassionate and his voice quiet when he asked the next question. "Do you know for sure if he raped her or not?"

About this I could be absolutely sure. "I'm positive we got there before he could," I said.

He nodded and pulling a pair of scissors out of his bag he started to cut open the front of her sweatshirt.

"Why are you cutting it off?" I asked out of curiosity. "Why not just take it off over her head?"

"Until I can do a more thorough assessment of her injuries, especially her head, I don't want to move her head or neck any more than I have to. It will be easier to get it off this way. When we get done here, you'll need to get her something to wear. A gown of some kind might be best, flannel or something else that's long and warm."

I nodded. "I'm sure I can find something, if not, I'll go buy her something. She's a little warmer now, but when we found her she was freezing cold."

He nodded. "That's common with trauma victims," he said. "She was probably beginning to go into shock."

"I was worried about that, which is why I put her in sweats and wrapped her in a blanket."

"Good thinking." He finished cutting and pulled apart the sides of her shirt so that Bella's torso was laid bare to his gaze. His head snapped up and his gaze met mine. "Alice, how did she get like this?"

Even the quick glance I had taken of her body was too much for me. In the cold light of day, her ribs and pelvis were even more prominent and the bruises on her chest looked even worse than they had last night. I had to look away and focus on Carlisle's face. "I don't know. That's how we found her."

"She looks like she's been starved. I'd estimate she's at least 30 pounds underweight. For someone of Bella's small size to begin with, that could be life threatening," Carlisle commented as he cut away the sleeves so he could examine her arms and shoulders. His expression was sadness mixed with quiet horror as he began to run his hands carefully over her arms and torso. "Four broken ribs, a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. Alice, hold her head and neck straight and on three we'll turn her on her side so I can look at her back."

Gently, I placed my hands on each side of Bella's head and when Carlisle counted down from three we carefully turned her on her side and examined the bruises on the backside of her body and ran his hands down her back.

"Not too bad," he murmured mostly to himself. "Ribs and spine prominent, no surprise there. Bruising around the kidneys, I'll have to check her output levels to make sure there's no lasting damage. Spine looks okay." His voice got a little more distinct. "Okay, Alice let's lay her on her back again."

We rolled her again and settled her back against the couch. "What I don't understand is why on earth she has a central venous catheter?" he said in quiet bafflement as his fingers touched the piece of medical tubing we'd seen sticking out of the area of her chest just below her throat. She was so thin, that you could easily see where the other end of it was embedded beneath her skin.

"I wondered what that was," I commented. "What's it used for?"

"Any number of things. Delivery of medication, chemotherapy, intravenous feedings." He sighed. "Alice, would it be fair to say you snatched her out of a hospital?"

"Yes, that's exactly where she was," I told him.

I could see he was trying not to get angry. "But why?" he demanded. "If she was being treated there..."

"Because that's also where she was beaten!" I yelled at him. "Her attacker was one of the employees! And even if he wasn't, does she look like they were doing a very good job of treating whatever is wrong with her?"

"Alice, it's not that simple," he commented as he checked her vital signs. While he used the BP cuff and a stethoscope to take her blood pressure, his vampire hearing was good enough that he didn't need to use a stethoscope to hear her heart or her breathing. "There could be a number of reasons why she's so thin. I need to know why she was in the hospital and what they were doing to treat her. I'm going to have to find a way to get her medical records from the facility she was in if I'm going to treat her properly and I don't see how that's possible when they're looking for her."

Just then Esme knocked on the door and then stepped into the room, closing the door behind her again. "Carlisle, I turned the heat up and I've got the sheets and blankets. Oh, and Emmett said I should give this to you because..." She gasped. "Oh, my God. What happened to her, Carlisle? She's so thin."

"Your timing is impeccable as always, Esme," I commented as I took the white backpack from her and unzipping the top, took out Bella's medical chart and handed it to Carlisle. "I think this is what you need. We've also got an electronic copy of all of her medical files that they had on computer as well."

He took it from me without a comment and opened the metal cover. Reading through it, his frown deepened as he flipped through what turned out to be numerous pages.

Picking up the sheet and blanket, Esme and I covered Bella with them to give her at least a modicum of modesty, then Esme dropped down by Bella's head and in a very motherly gesture, began to lightly stroke Bella's hair as Carlisle continued to read and frown. I sat down beside Esme to wait until he finished.

Idly, I watched Esme's fingers trail through Bella's hair, but I frowned when something caught my eye. There, on the right side of Bella's head near her temple were two small circular patches each about the size of a silver dollar where the hair had once been neatly shaved away. It must have been done a few weeks prior because the hair had begun to grow back just enough that the white skin of her scalp hardly showed through at all.

The circular patches on Bella's scalp were strange enough on their own, but what really got my attention about them was the fact that I had four similar patches on my own head, two on each side. I'd had them since I'd woken up after my change. Unfortunately, vampire hair did not grow so I would always be stuck with them. My hair in those spots was a bit longer than Bella's but not by much and I'd always been careful to conceal them with the way I wore my hair.

Carlisle had long suspected that overall, my hair was so short because it had been completely shaved off sometime in the year before my change. Having hair as short as mine would have been completely out of place given the time I lived in while I was still a human. Women wore their hair longer than mine in the Deep South around 1900. Then there was also the fact that it had not been uncommon for mental institutions back then to shave the heads of their patients. But even Carlisle could not explain the circular patches that had obviously been shaved again after my hair had at least partially grown back.

A weird sort of tingling went through my head as if something was fighting to connect in my brain or a memory was trying to surface, but nothing more developed. As Carlisle closed her chart and set it aside, I opened my mouth to ask him about the mysterious patches on Bella's head, but Esme asked her questions first.

"What is it, Carlisle?" Esme asked anxiously. "What's wrong with her?"

He sighed deeply. "I'm not sure where to start. Right now her blood pressure, pulse and heart rate are all below what they should be, which I think is a combination of the beating and her condition before the beating. The injuries she sustained from the beating are bad, but I don't think they're life threatening. I'll have to get a portable x-ray machine in here somehow to be absolutely sure, but I don't sense any significant internal bleeding or blood pooling in her skull, chest or abdomen, which is a miracle considering how badly she was beaten. With her ribs so prominent and her advance state of malnutrition, I'm surprised he didn't cave in part of her chest."

"What about her labored breathing?" I asked. My questions about her hair could wait.

"That is most likely being caused by her ribs. Broken ribs are very painful, even when the patient is unconscious, but I don't feel any displacement and I don't believe the breaks have caused any lung damage. I think with some pain medication she'll be more comfortable and her breathing should improve but we'll have to keep an eye on it," He looked at me. "She was in a psychiatric facility?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"A psychiatric facility?" Esme said in astonishment. "But why?"

Carlisle looked at Esme then his gazed shifted to me for a very long moment. "You know why, don't you? You saw what was happening to her even before the beating."

I nodded guiltily and looked at Esme. "Bella didn't handle our leaving very well and she handled Edward's leaving even worse."

"Why didn't you say something sooner, Alice?" Carlisle said sadly.

I jumped up and started to pace as my own guilt spilled over. "Why do you think? Because I promised Edward! Because I kept telling myself she would get better! Because you all made it seem like I was supposed to forget her! That's what we do in this family, isn't it? Forget those few human friends we do make when we have to move onto a new place? Well, I couldn't forget her. She was... IS my friend, Carlisle! Probably the best friend I ever had besides Jasper. Visions of her popped into my head whether I wanted them to or not!"

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to accuse you," he said sincerely. "I just wish we could have prevented this."

"What exactly happened after we left?" Esme asked, her gaze going between the two of us.

"Carlisle might know more than I do from her medical records, I only got bits and pieces when she made some kind of decision," I said. "And I only started seeing her after she'd gone to Jacksonville to live with Phil and Renee. I don't know exactly why Charlie sent her to Florida."

"I can't answer that either," Carlisle added. "This chart focuses mostly on her medical information, not an in-depth psychological work up or history, but that may be in the computer files you found. According to her chart she was admitted - or more accurately committed - to the hospital three months ago for severe, almost catatonic depression. When she came to the hospital, she would rarely speak and wouldn't eat. At the time of her admission, she had already lost 10 pounds. They've spent the last three months putting her on various medications for depression and anxiety, most of which they had to give her by injection because she wouldn't take them orally. A lot of them made her sick, which is not uncommon, but that also didn't help with her desire to eat."

Esme and I were quiet as we processed that. Then Carlisle continued. "They also tried a number of different treatments, including psycho-analysis, cognitive and behavioral therapy, and even electroconvulsive therapy to bring her out of it, but none of them worked. Her condition had only worsened and her last evaluation stated that she had become an almost total mute."

I suspected that rather than medication, what she really needed was Edward... and us, but I didn't say that.

"Electroconvulsive therapy?" Esme asked. "What's that?"

"Most people know it as electro-shock therapy," I clarified before Carlisle could answer. "I saw her getting a few of the treatments." I shivered a little. The images of what I'd seen had not been pleasant and they had struck an oddly primal cord of revulsion inside me.

"But that's barbaric!" Esme said in outrage. "How could they do that in this day and age?"

"It's not barbaric, Esme," Carlisle disagreed. "While I don't advocate it, it is an accepted therapy for certain psychiatric conditions that many doctors and patients swear by. It's come a long way from the early days of its inception or the horror stories you hear about. Now it's only used as a last resort when everything else has failed. Patients are sedated for the procedure and in every state in the country, including Florida, they have to either sign a consent form of their own free will or if they're mentally incapable of making their own decisions, a court order has to be obtained before the procedure can be performed. In the file, there is a consent form signed by one Isabella Swan."

"I saw Renee talk her into it," I told them. "I don't think Bella even knew what she was signing."

"I don't care what you say," Esme argued. "It's still barbaric."

"In any case, it didn't work. They didn't see any improvement in her condition," Carlisle said. "Her doctors felt her prognosis was very poor and that if they couldn't get her to start eating she'd be dead within six months from organ failure. They tried a standard nasal feeding tube at first but she kept pulling it out so they started her on intravenous feedings a week ago as a last ditch effort save her life. That's why she has a central line in her chest."

"Poor Bella," Esme said stroking her hair. "How can we help her, Carlisle?"

"Well, in light of everything we've learned and Alice's point about the authorities looking for her, I think it would probably be better if we take care of her here at home. But it won't be easy. Everything I see in her chart tells me that she'll take round the clock care and supervision."

"I can take care of her," I said.

Esme nodded in agreement. "Alice and I will both take care of her."

"All right, but the whole family needs to agree to her being here. She's going to need all our support if we're going to try and get her back on her feet."

"Does that include Edward?" I couldn't help but ask.

Carlisle looked at Bella and then sighed. "As much as I don't like lying to Edward, I think that for the time being that might be for the best, especially since he's not here. Once we get Bella well again, we can worry about the repercussions."

"I'm not leaving her again, Carlisle," I told him firmly. "I don't care what Edward says. This doesn't only affect him. I was wrong to let him talk me into leaving her the first time." I pointed at Bella. "We did this to her and I won't be party to it again."

"Let's just cross that bridge when we come to it, Alice, shall we?" Carlisle said. "Right now we need to concentrate on Bella's health."

I nodded and didn't say anything more about it, but my resolve on the subject didn't weaken.

"Now... first things first, I'm going to have to reduce her dislocated shoulder and then I'll get to work procuring the things we're going to need for her and have it brought out here as soon as possible."

"What do you need us to do?" Esme asked.

"Alice, I'll need you to help me with her shoulder then you should go find something to dress her in."

I nodded. "All right. I'll also have Jasper start downloading her medical files from the flash drive."

"Good. Esme, we're going to need a lot more room in here. Why don't you start moving everything but the couch out of here so we're ready when the equipment and supplies arrive?"

"I'll move everything into the garage," Esme said as she got up and began collecting boxes and other items in the room.

Carlisle folded back the sheet to expose Bella's shoulder. "Alice, hold your hand here and here. Keep her body still while I manipulate her arm," he instructed. Once I'd put my hands in the places he'd instructed I looked up at a point on the wall to keep from having to look at Bella's ravaged body.

Not that it mattered. As he began to move her arm, suddenly a vision of Bella's battered face filled my mind and what I saw made me shiver.

"Carlisle, wait!" I cried just as her shoulder popped into place with a snap.

**BELLA**

Pain.

Why does everything hurt?

Did I fall? I know I'm clumsy, but even I don't think I could trip bad enough to hurt like this.

Where am I? It's dark and I'm so cold.

What's happening? My mind is fuzzy and my body feels so heavy.

Hands touching me. Gentle now, but rough before.

Yes, big hands touching me before. Groping. Hurting. Demanding. Hitting.

So much pain, then and now.

Will the gentle hands turn rough again? Will they hurt me again?

Edward, help me!

No, Edward's gone. He didn't want me.

No one wants me. Everyone leaves me or sends me away.

Edward. Alice. The Cullens. Charlie. Renee.

I'm all alone now.

Hands holding me down. New pain. A white hot flash through my shoulder.

Something snaps.

The big hands must have come back to finish the job.

It's too much.

I know there is no one to hear me... no one to help me, but I begin to scream.

And I can't stop.

**CARLISLE**

With Alice holding Bella in place, I carefully manipulated her arm, trying to ease her shoulder back into place as gently as possible. Luckily, her shoulder only seemed to be dislocated and I didn't find any evidence of fracture. A fracture in addition to the dislocation would have likely meant surgery. Although I didn't like the fact that she's been unconscious for so long, it was probably better that she was as this could potentially hurt.

Bella's reemergence into our lives made me feel very torn. On the one hand, I was heartsick over what our leaving apparently did to her and I heartily agreed with Alice that we needed to help her. Despite Edward's decision, a decision that pretty much everyone, myself included, disagreed with, Bella was still part of our family and her absence has been felt almost as keenly as Edward's.

On the other hand, I worry about Edward's reaction to this turn of events. I don't want to lose my son over this, but after what Alice said, if Edward decided to dig in his heels over Bella's future, it may come down to choosing sides and that could tear our whole family apart.

With a sigh, I focused back in on Bella and felt the bone pop back into place with a satisfying snap.

"Carlisle, wait!" Alice yelled suddenly.

Like a switch being flipped, Bella jerked under my hands and still largely incoherent, she started to scream.

TBC...

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><p>For those of you wondering what's happening with Edward while this is all going on, his story is coming up in the next chapter. See you next week.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. With this being my first Twilight story, you've all made me feel very welcome.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

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><p>"<em>I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," he said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back." <em>– Edward to Bella, _Twilight: New Moon_, Chapter 23

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 4<strong>_

**3 WEEKS LATER**

**EDWARD**

The sound of the jungle cat's neck snapping only registered dimly in my ears as my teeth sank into its warm flesh easily and I began to drink. It had been a very long time since I'd fed, exactly how long I could not remember, weeks, months maybe. Why I was even doing it now, I couldn't say. While the blood felt hot and wet against the burn in my throat, I felt no satisfaction. Largely, there was nothing left inside me but instinct, no not even instinct, just an automatic, habitual response. It didn't matter. Nothing much mattered to me anymore.

For the first time during my existence as a vampire, my kill dropped from my mouth only half drained and I knelt there staring blankly at its inert form. My brain simply refused to process what I was supposed to do. Not as if I'd forgotten but just... nothing. No instinct, no thirst, no purpose.

I'm not sure how long I remained there with my thoughts an endless void, but when I finally had the presence of mind to look around, I realized that night had slipped into day without my noticing. I found that this was happening to me more and more as the days passed. Each day away from her was a day that I lost a little more of myself. Time slid through my fingers like grains of fine sand. Each day falling mindlessly into the next in an endless stream.

It had been nearly five months since I had seen her. Five months since I had seen her smile or smelled her amazing scent or heard her laugh or felt the warmth of her touch or her heavenly kisses on my lips or had her look at me with those beautiful brown eyes. Five months spent burning in a hell of my own making.

The picture of her I always carried with me burned in my pocket. With trembling fingers I pulled it out and traced the lines of her face... Bella's face. The picture was well worn now from the many times I'd handled it. It had been taken the night of her 18th birthday, only a few minutes before the worst had happened and she'd come perilously close to dying over a simple paper cut.

In the picture she wasn't even looking at the camera, instead her eyes were locked on my face, her smile soft, a little shy and utterly luminous. Although I had taken all the things that would conceivably remind her of me and hidden them under the floorboards of her room, I had removed this picture from her scrapbook and kept it for myself when I'd left. It was the one physical piece of her that I'd allowed myself to take.

I pressed the picture to my face and inhaled as if I could smell her in the picture. In the beginning I'd been able to smell the tiniest hints of her scent from where her fingers had handled it, but now all that remained was the smell of chemicals and paper.

Dropping my hands into my lap, I stared up into the thick canopy of trees and vegetation above me. After my failed and laughable attempt to track Victoria through Texas and down to South America, Rio and the jungles nearby had seemed like a good place to hide, to wallow in my own misery, but I'd found no more solace here than I'd found satisfaction in the blood of the panther at my feet. The only real solace and satisfaction I knew I would find was very, very far away in the lush forests of the Pacific Northwest in the soft brown eyes of the only woman I would ever love.

What a fool I had been. How did I ever think I could be apart from her? The simple and glaringly obvious truth was that I couldn't. I absolutely could not function without her in my life. I couldn't even feed myself apparently. It was selfish of me to think of going back to her and rationally I knew that it would be better and safer for her if I stayed away from her, but I could no longer find the strength to continue to fight against the love and desperate need I felt for her.

I had to go back. I could see now it was the only option left to me. I would go back and throw myself at her feet and grovel and beg and promise anything... give her anything to take me back. And if she would not take me back or had moved on to someone else in my absence as I'd hoped she would, and it would be no less than I deserved if she had, then I would settle for whatever scraps of her life she would give me. Even if it meant I could only watch her from a distance or from the shadows of her life. I would protect her always, seeing to her safety above all else. As long as I could see that she lived and was happy, even if it was without me, then I would be miserable but it was a price I was willing to pay.

**TWO DAYS LATER**

I stood at the edge of the forest watching the house. It was still dark and very early in the morning, but I knew Charlie always left early for work. I thought it would best for me to talk to Bella without him there. Maybe I could even talk her into staying home from school so we could talk things through.

I listened to Charlie as he moved around the house getting ready to leave. I was a little surprised to hear him not being overly quiet as he went about his morning routine. I remembered him being fairly stealthy, for a human anyway, when it came to getting ready for work or a day of fishing so he didn't disturb Bella. What little I could hear of his thoughts was mostly centered on work. There was, however, an odd, unnamed sadness in his mind, a sort of heaviness that I could not decipher and I wondered what might be troubling him.

I was also surprised to see Bella's truck parked not in the driveway next to Charlie's cruiser, but off to the side of the house, covered in a large blue tarp. Had her scrap metal collection of a truck finally given out? If so, I wondered how she was getting to school.

Anticipation ran through me at the idea of getting to finally see her. How would she look? Would she have changed since I saw her the last time in the forest? How angry would she be with me? Would she even speak to me? I was expectant and terrified all at once.

Just then, Charlie came out, locked the front door and walked to his cruiser. I was a little startled to see that in the last five months his hair had begun to gray at the temples, there were lines on his face that I didn't remember seeing there previously, and there was a distinct tiredness around his eyes. Not the tiredness you got from one sleepless night, but from many. Opening the door to his cruiser, Charlie paused and looked over the top of the car toward Bella's truck. His thoughts were often difficult for me to read but I was desperate so I strained very hard to pick up anything I could.

"_Guess I should see if Billy and Jake want to buy the truck back."_ There was more of that unnamed sadness woven through his thoughts and for the first time, I began to get a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. _"I hate to let it go but it's not doing anyone any good here."_

Wouldn't Bella need it? I wondered as I watched him drive away. Surely, if it just needed to be repaired and Bella couldn't afford to have it fixed, Charlie would help her with the cost. Why would he consider selling it? I had so many questions for Bella. Now all I had to do was get her to talk to me again.

Making my way up the side of the house, I frowned when I realized I could not hear her heartbeat or the soft sound of her breathing. I opened her bedroom window and slipped inside and was met with a crushing sense of disappointment when I saw she was not in her room. In fact, there wasn't much in her room at all. Just the bed, the bedroom furniture and a few random items posted on the wall. I moved to the closet and to her dressers but found them empty. She wasn't here. And as sweet as it still smelled, only a remnant of her scent lingered here. It was obvious to me that she hadn't been here in months.

The strange feeling in my stomach almost became a twisting sickness. I dropped to my knees at the foot of her bed. I had not anticipated this. Why wasn't she here? She was supposed to be here. I had to know where she'd gone. I would go mad if I did not find the answer. Ideas on how the best I could do that flashed quickly through my mind.

The most logical idea was to check the house for any evidence, maybe I could find some letters from Bella to Charlie. And if that did not bring any results, I would follow Charlie to try and pick-up what I could from his thoughts or those around him. Due to the fact that Charlie was sometimes difficult for me to read, the former would be easier, but trying to read his thoughts might be the only way. My last resort would be to try and speak to him directly. I assumed he would not be happy to see me and wouldn't tell me anything, but it might help to generate thoughts in him if the more indirect method failed.

Quickly, I whipped through the house but found nothing that was especially illuminating. No letter, no post card, nothing. Well, so much for the easy way.

Needing more information, I ran quickly to the police station where I could see Charlie's cruiser in the parking lot so I knew he was there. I went around and crouched in the bushes under the window nearest to his desk. It was early enough that he was the only one in the office and I assumed that the deputy on duty with him must have been out on patrol.

Frustration rolled through me as once again, I really had to strain to pick up his thoughts. What I got from him more than anything else was her name tied up with a heavy sense of worry and remorse.

'_Bella...'_

But what was he feeling remorse over? And why was he so worried about her? I had just settled myself under the window when I heard his desk phone ring.

"Chief Swan," he answered in his usual no nonsense manner.

"Charlie?" I recognized Renee's voice on the other end of the phone.

Apparently, fate had decided to toss a fortunate and amazingly well-timed scrap my way. Since it was Renee calling Charlie, I knew that she had to be calling about Bella. I hoped that their conversation would be illuminating in a way that nothing else had turned out to be so far.

"Renee? What's wrong?" Charlie said, his voice instantly on alert and there was renewed worry in his thoughts.

"I just got off the phone with the police." I could hear the tears and the trepidation in her voice.

Police? Why would she be talking to the police?

"What did they say?" Charlie asked her quickly. "Have they had any luck finding Bella?"

I stood there not breathing, not wanting to miss anything in their conversation or anything I might be able to pick out of Charlie's thoughts. Why did Bella need to be found? Was she missing? They were her parents, how could they not know where she was?

"No, they still can't find her or the orderly they think took her from the hospital!" Renee answered tearfully.

I felt as if Emmett had punched me in the stomach. A man had taken Bella? What man? How could this have happened? And what did Renee mean about the hospital? Had Bella been hurt in someway that necessitated her being in the hospital?

"They don't have any leads on where he is?" he asked Renee and I could hear the rising anger in his voice. "How is that possible? She's been missing for over three weeks!"

Three weeks? That didn't make sense to me. The state of her scent in her bedroom made me sure that Bella had been gone for months, not weeks. If she'd only been missing for three weeks, but she had been gone for so much longer, where had she been during the intervening time? The only thing I could come up with was that she must have spent that missing time with Renee. Had she gone to visit Renee and something happened? No, not a visit. All her things were gone. Had she gone back to live with Renee in Florida after I left? But that still left the question of WHY she'd been in a hospital?

"That's what I told them," was Renee's reply. "They said it's like he... like both of them have vanished into thin air."

I heard Charlie slam his hand down on the desk. "Damn it! What kind of cops do you have down there? They sure as hell don't sound very competent."

There was a pause from Renee's end of the phone and I suspected she either didn't know what to say or was dreading what she had to say next. "They told me something else, Charlie. Something that the hospital didn't want us to know," she said quietly, almost painfully. "Something you're not going to like."

This time Charlie's answer was immediate and his words exactly reflected his thoughts. "Renee, there's nothing about this situation that I like, so you better just spit it out," he said, barely holding onto his temper and I had a feeling that neither of us was going to like whatever Renee had to say.

"The Jacksonville police told me that... they found out that the orderly... that he..." her voice broke and she didn't continue as she began to cry.

"Calm down, Renee," he said, but I could hear the frustration in his voice. My impression of Charlie was that he was never comfortable with tears from women and he didn't quite know how to handle them.

"I can't," was Renee's anguished comment to someone on her end of the phone.

"Renee? What is it?" From the rising impatience and temper in his thoughts, I could tell he was barely keeping control of himself.

A moment later, a male voice I had not heard before came on the line. "Charlie?" he asked.

"Phil?" Charlie guessed in surprise and I wondered if Charlie had ever actually spoken to Phil before. "Where's Renee?"

"She's pretty upset, Charlie, she asked me to speak to you."

The thoughts in Charlie's mind were so strong now that it was a little easier to hear them._ "She can be upset later, right now I she needs to tell me what the hell the police said about Bella."_

"She's not the only one that's upset," Charlie grumbled out loud, then sighed as I suspected he tried to draw on his police training to calm down. "Okay, what's this news about the orderly?"

Phil sighed. "The police called to tell us that they found out that the orderly is a registered sex offender."

"A what?" Charlie said in disbelief.

I fell to my knees. The authorities thought Bella had been taken by a monster like that? Someone that would hurt her like that? This was all my fault. When I was making my decision to 'protect' her, I hadn't stopped to think that not all monsters are vampires. As it turned out, she'd been threatened by an altogether different creature.

"The police learned that he's a registered sex offender in Tennessee," Phil clarified.

Charlie's voice was deadly quiet when he spoke. "What were the charges?"

"Sexual assault and battery on two women," Phil said quietly. "He also has priors in Kentucky for robbery and assault when he beat two men during a robbery at a liquor store."

"_Oh, shit." _Charlie bit back the oath. "But not kidnapping or murder?" he asked.

"No, there was nothing in his record to indicate that he's ever kidnapped or killed anyone before."

"_At least nothing that they can prove, I'll bet," _Charlie added silently.

There was a very long beat of silence from Charlie, then he exploded. "HOW THE HELL WAS THIS GUY WORKING IN A HOSPITAL?"

Phil quickly tried to explain. "According to the police, this guy went to a lot of trouble to set up a new alias for himself, including getting someone to pose as his so-called former employer who would vouch for him as a hospital orderly, which he has no background or training for. Under the new alias he easily passed the hospital's scrutiny, which according to the police wasn't all that stringent and that's why the hospital didn't want the police to tell us about this. It's also one of the reasons it took so long for the police to find out who he really was. Even the address he gave the hospital was fake."

"_So the hospital has been covering their ass while my baby is out there with a rapist," _Charlie thought but didn't say. "If he was a registered sex offender, why wasn't his parole officer in Tennessee keeping track of him?"

"I asked the police the same thing, they said that the terms of his parole in Tennessee didn't mandate that he wear an electronic tracking bracelet so once he stopped reporting in with them and they found out he moved out of the state, which in itself is a violation of his parole, they didn't really have any way to track him."

"_Fucking parole officers probably couldn't be bothered anyway," _Charlie thought blackly._ "This guy was probably just another case file to them."_

There was another long pause from Charlie as I assumed he was trying to absorb everything Phil had told him. If Charlie was having any luck with that, I applauded him. Even with my expanded vampire brain, I was having trouble getting my head around it all.

"Charlie?" Phil prompted.

"Yeah, I'm still here," he said quietly. "So what are they going to do now?"

"They said the investigation was ongoing and they'll call us when they know something new."

Charlie snorted. "That's cop speak for 'don't call us, we'll call you,'"

Phil sighed again. "I'm really sorry about this, Charlie. Bella's such a great kid, nothing like this should have happened to her. Renee blames herself. She really regrets putting Bella in the hospital."

"_She should blame herself,"_ was Charlie's immediate thought but he kept it to himself. _"It IS all her fault."_

"I know she really didn't have a choice, Phil," Charlie said instead. "Bella needed more help than any of us could give her. Renee had to try something. I just wish she'd picked a different hospital."

My mind was screaming for answers and beyond the small snatches that his mind was willing to relinquish, I wasn't getting anything deeper or more illuminating from Charlie. It was all I could do not to rush in there and shake them out of Charlie. What kind of help had Bella needed that had required her to be in the hospital?

"Well, I guess that's on me," Phil said.

Charlie's words echoed my own thoughts. "What do you mean by that?" he asked.

"Ten Broeck Hospital was the only in-patient mental health facility in Jacksonville that my insurance would cover," Phil admitted. "That kind of long term care is very expensive and we just didn't have the money for anything more."

My mind was screaming now. Mental health facility? Why had Bella needed to be put in a mental health facility? What had happened to her in the months after I left?

"I know that, Phil," Charlie conceded and I heard immense sadness in his thoughts. "I just want my daughter back."

"We all want that," Phil told him. A long silent pause stretched between them as both men had run out of things to say and they didn't know each other well enough to make some other kind of small talk.

"Thank you for calling, Phil. I appreciate the information," Charlie said, his words much calmer than he actually felt.

"Okay, well, we'll call you if the police give us any new information," Phil finished.

"That's fine, goodbye," Charlie said dropping the phone into the cradle.

I could hear the soft sound of Charlie dragging a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured softly. "We all failed you, didn't we? Me, your mom, the hospital, the police and even that Cullen kid."

I flinched when he referred to me. He was right. I had failed her. Failed her on every level.

"We all let you down when you needed us most," Charlie continued softly. "I swear I didn't know anything would happen to you when I made you go to Florida with your mother. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I just thought a change of scenery would do you some good."

Now, images rather than words began to spill from his mind as he thought about Bella. Each one was a dagger to my silent heart.

A limp, almost unconscious Bella, being carried out of the woods in the middle of the night by a man I did not recognize, although he looked like he might be from the nearby Quileute reservation. From what Bella was wearing, it was the same day I'd said goodbye to her. Why hadn't she simply walked back to the house? I left her just inside the tree line, not far from her backdoor.

Bella sitting in her room, staring out the window. Her eyes open but blank and lifeless, her arms wrapped around her torso as if trying to physically hold herself together.

Bella crying out... no, not crying out, but screaming in her sleep from terrible nightmares.

Charlie watching an exhausted and empty Bella shuffling off to school.

Bella moving through the house almost like a ghost, only speaking when spoken to and even then, only giving the simplest of answers and using the fewest words possible.

Piles of Bella's CDs, lying broken and mangled in the trash. Books sitting forgotten in various corners of her room because she would no longer read anything that wasn't directly related to her school work.

Charlie trying to get Bella to eat and failing miserably. She was never hungry and every day she seemed to get thinner and thinner as if she were wasting away.

And finally, Charlie watching as a worried Renee loaded a listless Bella into a car and Bella's pale, devastated face looking back at Charlie through the car window as they drove away.

Instinctively, I closed my eyes against the images but they continued to play through my mind in an endless loop. I had a photographic memory after all. The images were not going to fade anytime soon.

"Oh, Bella," I murmured gripping large handfuls of my hair. "What have I done?"

Guilt and self-loathing at what I'd caused, bloomed black and hard inside me. The path before me was suddenly clear. My next stop would be Florida and I would spend as much time as it took to track Bella and her abductor down. And if Bella was with him, I would rescue her and then I would kill him. If she was not with him, I would make him tell me what happened to her and then I would kill him. Either way, his life was forfeit to me.

And if I found that she were indeed dead, my first act after killing her murderer would be to go to Italy and ask the Volturi to let me join her in oblivion. The idea of oblivion with her was infinitely sweeter to me than an earthly existence without her.

Just then I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I knew it had to be Alice or Carlisle. They were the only ones who called me these days. Alice had most likely seen what I had decided. Should I answer it? Would they try and talk me out of going to Florida or Italy? The idea was almost laughable to me. There was no way I would be persuaded to deviate from my course. In which case, I didn't see any reason why I shouldn't talk to them. They were far away in New York and I knew how to get around them if need be.

Moving quickly away from the police station so no one would hear me, I pulled out the phone and answered. "Hello?" I said keeping my voice neutral.

Alice spoke without greeting or preamble. "You don't need to go to Florida, Edward."

So, I was right. She had seen my decisions. "I have to find her, Alice. I have to know..."

"Then going to Florida isn't going to help you," she answered, her voice a little clipped. "Because Bella's not in Florida."

Even though I had told her not to look for Bella in her visions, I didn't think to question how Alice knew where Bella was. "Where is she, Alice?"

There was a pause, a very long pause and when she answered, her voice was quiet. "She's here... with us, in Ithaca."

I was thunderstruck. That was the last thing I'd expected to hear come out of her mouth. I thought maybe she'd seen where the monster had taken Bella and was going to tell me. Never in a million years had I expected Alice to say Bella was with them.

I frowned. Could this be a trick? Could she be trying to stop me from doing what I'd planned? Would I walk right into their arms and the moment I did, would they somehow find a way to restrain me from finding Bella or going to Italy?

I shook my head. Even if they did find a way to stop me temporarily, it wouldn't matter. I'd still find a way. I was very motivated.

Alice apparently read my silence. "I'm not lying, Edward. I wouldn't lie... not about this. It's too important. She's really here."

I knew without a doubt that my family would do anything to stop me from destroying myself, even lie to me, but for some reason I believed Alice. Maybe I needed to. Because if she was telling the truth, that meant that Bella was alive and well and waiting for me in Ithaca. I had to take the chance.

"I'm coming home," I announced in a clipped tone, not yet allowing myself to hope.

"But, Edward, wait, there's something I need to tell..."

But I didn't wait. With a click of the phone, I broke the connection and shoved the phone back in my pocket. Then, without hesitation, I turned my feet toward Seattle and the airport and starting running as fast as my vampire legs would carry me.

TBC...

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><p>Next week, Edward arrives in New York and sees Bella for the first time. See you then!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. Unless you have your private message feature disabled, I've been trying to reply to all the reviews as quickly as I can. Your support has been terrific and I'm deeply humbled by your response to this story.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

And now on with the show and Edward's arrival in New York...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 5<strong>_

**ALICE**

I chewed on my lip a little as I stared down at the phone. "I hope I did the right thing."

Jasper slipped his arm around my waist. Just as I'd predicted, he'd forgiven me for kidnapping Bella about 5 minutes after we'd brought her home with us.

"It was time, darlin'," he said, and I felt his calming influence wash over me. "Edward needed to know. He would have been really angry if we'd let him go off to Florida on a wild goose chase."

I leaned into him. "I know."

"Not to mention it could have been dangerous for him if you hadn't stopped him. It's very possible that when he didn't find any sign of Bella or her attacker in Florida, he might not have called us before going to Italy as you foresaw."

"You're right, of course," I agreed half-heartedly.

Jasper frowned at me. "I can still feel your worry. Is there something you're seeing but not telling me?"

"No, not exactly," I said with a sigh. "It's just that Edward's going to show up here already angry and distrustful, but once he sees Bella he's going to funnel all of that into feeling guilty and angry at himself. I see him sitting in her room for days on end. He's going to be in a lot of pain, Jasper. He's going to make pre-Bella Edward look like the laughing, joking, jovial life of the party. I just hate to see him so unhappy. Especially when Bella's still in such bad shape too."

Jasper nodded and he looked toward the stairs. "I wish there was something I could do to help her."

I touched his face and leaned my forehead against his temple. "You tried. I know it's hard. None of us have had any luck with her."

"Well, maybe Edward will finally be able to get through to her. I think if anyone can, it would be him."

"Maybe..." I said hesitantly. "I've tried to see what happens for them, but I haven't had much luck."

"You have any idea why that is?"

"I think it's because Bella's in limbo right now. She's not making any decisions and I can't see anything until she does. And her decisions so profoundly affect Edward, I think it throws him into limbo too and makes it impossible for me to see much of anything for him either. Like I said, all I keep seeing is him sitting in her room."

He nodded and taking my hand, he gave it a squeeze. "Well, I guess we just need to have faith that they'll come through this." He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I still think you did the right thing."

"Did the right thing about what?"

Jasper and I turned to see Rose and Emmett entering the room. They just returned from hunting. Esme was out running errands and getting supplies for Bella.

"The right thing about what?" Rose demanded again.

I already knew she wasn't going to be happy about what I'd just done, but I straightened my shoulders before I answered her. "I called Edward."

"What?" she exploded. "What the hell for, Alice?"

"He was already figuring it out, Rose. He went looking for her in Forks and knew she'd gone to Florida and that she'd disappeared from the hospital."

"Well, it was nice of him to finally give her some thought," Rose snapped. "It's only been five months since he left her!"

I knew that a lot of her anger stemmed from her concern for Bella, so I didn't rise to the bait. Besides, she and I had been over this ground too many times already. I had seen how dearly staying away from Bella had cost Edward, but Rose had absolutely no sympathy for him. While I wouldn't let him remove Bella from our lives again, I'd missed him and I agreed with Jasper. If anyone could get through to Bella it would be Edward.

"He was going to Florida to find her," I said quietly. "And if he didn't find her he was going to go to the Volturi and ask them to kill him."

Rose didn't comment on that and I could see from her expression that while she was still furious at Edward, she didn't want him to die or be killed.

"But she's still a mess!" Rose insisted. "Seeing him is only going to set her back!"

A wave of anger went through me that even Jasper couldn't calm. "No, Rose, to be set back, she has to have made some kind of real progress!" I spat at her. "I know you're not blind, I know that you see what I do. Her body is healing but her mind, her spirit, her heart... they're still as broken as the day she got here!"

"Maybe with some more time..." Rose said, but there was no conviction in her words.

"She's been here for THREE weeks, Rose. How much longer do we wait?" I shot back. "Can't you see that she needs him? His absence is what made her like this in the first place."

"But what if he wants to take her away or wants us to leave her again?" Rose said.

Jasper's calm was finally working on me and I felt my anger fading. "If he does then we won't let him; I think we're all in agreement on that. But I don't think he'll want that. In fact, I'm sure he won't," I told her. "I don't see him taking her away; I just see him sitting with her."

"So he's going to pull her out of it?" Emmett asked hopefully. He'd missed Bella terribly. Even though she was here with us physically, Bella's current condition had robbed him of the little sister that she'd once been to him.

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "I can't really see how Edward's return will affect her."

The four of us mulled that over silently. "Well, for the record, I think this is a BAD idea," Rose finally said.

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" I told her. "But one way or the other, it's done. Like it or not, Edward's on his way."

**EDWARD**

When I got off the plane in Ithaca, I was surprised to see Esme, and only Esme, standing at the exit of the airport security checkpoint. I had expected that they'd all be there waiting to snap me up to keep me from running off and doing something 'foolish' by their way of thinking.

A secret part of me had hoped Bella might be there too, waiting for me, just has happy to see me as I would be to see her. I didn't know if I should take her absence as confirmation that Alice had lied to me about Bella being in New York with them or not.

"Edward!" Esme said pulling me into an embrace. "I'm so happy to see you. I missed you."

It had been so long since I'd had physical contact with anyone, the idea of giving or receiving a hug felt rusty and almost uncomfortable to me. It vaguely reminded me of the day I'd come home after my 'rebellious' period and Esme and Carlisle had welcomed me with open arms despite the fact that I knew that my behavior had hurt and disappointed them deeply. Then, as now, I read nothing in her thoughts but the happiness at my return.

"Hello, Esme," I said, my voice also sounding rusty.

"Well, let me look at you," she said pulling back to study me. After a moment she gave me her best maternal smile. "I'd say you definitely need a change of clothes. I'm surprised they let you on the plane looking so tattered."

Her voice was bright, but I could read the dismay and concern over my appearance in her thoughts. I had given no thought to what I was wearing. If someone had threatened to rip me apart for not knowing, I still couldn't have said what I had on. I looked down.

For the first time since I'd left Forks, I realized I was still wearing the same suit I'd had on at Bella's birthday party five months earlier. Well, the pants, shirt and shoes anyway. The jacket had disappeared somewhere along the way. She was right though. The rest of the ensemble was decidedly dirty and tattered.

"Money makes up for a lot," I told her with a shrug. "They didn't question anything when I handed over the money for a first class ticket."

I didn't tell her that to keep airport security from asking any annoying or time-consuming questions, I'd retained the presence of mind to purchased the small carry-on bag I was holding, fill it with t-shirts from one of the airport gift shops and then buy a round trip airline ticket that I had no intention of using the return trip on. In this day and age of terrorism and security concerns, paying cash for a one way ticket with no checked or carryon baggage would have looked very suspicious. But I hadn't even considered the fact that, at least in Esme's mind, my appearance was apparently one step up from that of a vagrant.

Esme nodded. "Well, we've got your things back at the house, so you can get cleaned up and changed when we get home."

I didn't really care about cleaning up or changing my clothes, but I didn't argue the point.

"_Edward, I can see you haven't fed in a long time,"_ she mentally chided. _"How did you survive the plane ride with all those people in that little enclosed space?" _

"I didn't breathe," I said brushing off her concern. "It was fine."

The truth was, it had been fine, I was so focused on getting here, getting to Bella that I hadn't even noticed my thirst. Of course, now that she mentioned it, the burning in my throat flared like fire, but I made myself focus on seeing Bella again and it faded to a manageable level.

"Where is everyone?" I asked casually as she led me out of the terminal to the parking area.

It was almost midnight in Ithaca and the late February night held just a hint of frost. For appearances sake, Esme was wrapped in a warm wool trench coat. I, on the other hand, had nothing but the tattered long sleeved cotton shirt and suit pants I was wearing, but as usual, the cold didn't bother me at all, in fact, I barely registered it as Esme answered my question.

"Well, Carlisle wanted to be here but he's working tonight. He'll be home early in the morning and he can't wait to see you," she began. "Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett are back at the house. They had some... things to take care of."

The one person she'd left out was the one I wanted to know about the most and I poked a little deeper into her mind. Her thoughts were carefully and unusually controlled and I wondered if it was because she didn't know anything about Bella or because she didn't want me to know what she knew about Bella.

"And Bella?" I asked quietly.

Like a mental flinch, an image of Bella flashed through her mind before she could stop it. There was nothing especially revealing in the image though. Just Bella sitting in a chair in a room that I did not recognize. I also couldn't see her face very well as it was mostly hidden from view by her long hair, but I still knew without a doubt that it was her.

"She's at home too," Esme replied as we got into Carlisle's Mercedes.

"So she is here," I murmured feeling hope finally flare in my chest.

"Oh, yes," Esme said driving out of the parking lot. "Alice was telling the truth when she told you that Bella was with us."

I considered that. "How long has she been here in New York?"

"About three weeks," Esme said, still keeping a very tight control on her thoughts as she got onto the highway and drove away from the airport and out away from town.

Hmm, three weeks. The same amount of time since her supposed disappearance from the hospital. I began to wonder if this 'orderly' Charlie and the police were looking for had anything to do with Bella's exit from the hospital at all.

"So who pulled her out of the hospital in Florida?" I asked quietly.

This time, I didn't get a mental flinch from her. Esme's thoughts remained frustratingly unrevealing, but I did see her frown slightly. "I think it would be better if Alice were to answer that for you."

Alice. I should have known it would be Alice. My meddling little sister. I didn't know if I wanted to hug her or strangle her. Since the idea of Bella in a mental institution was hideously painful to me, I was leaning toward hugging her.

"How did she even know Bella was in Florida?" I asked next. "Did she see Bella in a vision, even though I asked her not to look for her?"

I was surprised to feel a burst of irritation bordering on anger from Esme and I could see her trying to control it. I could also see she was gripping the steering wheel so hard that I suspected there might now be some permanent finger marks in it.

"Alice would be the better one to explain about that," she said sticking to her story.

I stared at her. I still wasn't getting anything useful from her thoughts. Of everyone in the house, Esme and Emmett were usually the easiest to read. Both of them were generally so guileless that their thoughts could have been written across their foreheads. The fact that Esme was so carefully guarding her thoughts made me suspicious.

"Esme, what aren't you telling me?"

She kept her eyes on the road. "Alice will answer..."

"Will you please stop saying that!" I snapped as I finally reached the end of my patience. "Maybe I don't want Alice to tell me. Maybe I want you to tell me."

Esme opened her mouth to answer and I could feel her internal struggle. "Please, Edward," she begged quietly. "We decided that Alice would be the best one to tell you."

"Tell me what?" I growled as we turned down the drive and made our way back to the house.

"There's a... situation with Bella," she told me cryptically.

Situation? What situation? My stomach dropped suddenly and for an instant, my brain conjured up the image from the Disney version of Snow White I'd seen once. The part where everyone thinks Snow White is dead and they don't have the heart to bury her so they just lay her out in a spare room with candles around her and flowers in her hand. Was that it? Was Bella technically with them but she was... dead and they'd buried her near the house and just didn't want tell me?

I could hardly make the words pass my lips. "Is she..." I swallowed reflexively and choked out the word as Esme parked the car. "... alive?"

Esme laid her hand on my arm and rushed to reassure me. "Oh, Edward, yes, of course she is."

The knot in my chest relaxed marginally, relief morphing quickly into annoyance. If Bella wasn't dead, then why wouldn't Esme tell me what the big mystery was? In the end, I supposed it didn't mattered. If Bella was alive then any other situation could be dealt with.

Climbing out of the car, Esme and I went toward the house. It occurred to me that I'd only been to this house once, when Esme and Carlisle first bought the historic building back in the 1970's. The house originally dated back to the seventeenth century but from the looks of things, Esme had recently renovated it, so all in all, I had almost no familiarity with it.

However, before I had even opened the front door, I knew I was home because I recognized the soft rhythmic sound of Bella's heartbeat. I would recognize it anywhere. When we stepped inside, the sound of it only got stronger, thrumming beautifully in my ears and the sound of her slow, even breathing only added to the sweet music.

And finally, there was her scent. It filled my nose like the finest ambrosia. I stood there in the foyer and inhaled deeply letting it wash through me. It was odd though, as strong as her scent was, it didn't seem like she'd been in the room recently. As far as I could tell, her scent was wafting down from upstairs.

Other things struck me as odd. There were smells and sounds coming from upstairs that did not make sense to me. The sound of something dripping very quietly. The slight whirring of some kind of machine or pump. A slightly sweet smell that was intertwined with something medicinal.

I wondered if these things were somehow part of the normal functioning of this unfamiliar house or if they were somehow related to Bella directly.

I eyed the set of stairs off to my right and would have gone right up to find Bella but my four siblings stood blocking the stairs. Ah, the guardians at the gate. I studied them for a moment.

Their expressions were all very serious and, like Esme, their thoughts were all carefully guarded. The only things I could pick out were concern for Bella and varying levels of anger at me. Alice, who was standing next to Jasper and in front of Rose and Emmett, spoke first.

"Hello Edward," she said evenly.

I gave her a quick nod. "Alice."

"Well, well, well, the prodigal son returns," Rose sneered.

"Rose..." Esme chided as Emmett put his arm around Rose's shoulders and she went silent.

I ignored her comment and looked back at Alice. "Where is she?" I said, getting right to the point.

"She's upstairs," Alice said simply.

"I want to see her... now."

Rose snorted. "It's a little late to play the overbearing boyfriend, isn't it, Edward?" she sneered. "Maybe if you'd been willing to stay and fight for her five months ago, then none of this would have happened."

"Rose, you're not helping," Alice snapped.

I frowned. "None of what would have happened?"

Alice didn't answer my question. "We have no problem with you seeing Bella," she told me instead. "I knew that would be the first thing you would want to do. But before you do, I'd need you to promise me two things."

My first instinct was to say something to the effect that I didn't need her permission to see Bella; that if it took me going through the four of them, I would; but I really didn't want to fight, so I relented.

"All right. What are the two things?"

"First, you have to promise you won't do anything to wake her up. I just got her settled in bed and she needs her rest."

Settled in bed? That was an odd way to put it and I wondered if I should read something into it, but I put it down to my own paranoia. Bella was here and alive, that much I knew for certain, but I still needed to see her, be near her. Even if it was just to watch her sleep. I had to see her with my own eyes.

"Fine, I promise," I said evenly. "What's the other thing?"

Alice pursed her lips for a moment. "You won't try and take Bella away from us and after seeing her you'll come back downstairs and let me explain everything."

So they were worried I was going to take Bella away from them? Well, given my past behavior, I could hardly blame them. I could make that concession... for now.

"I think that's two things and not one..." I said dryly. "... but all right."

Alice glanced at Rose, Emmett and Jasper then nodded. "Okay, come on."

She went to the stairs and everyone parted for her like the Red Sea for Moses. I followed along behind her and Rose and Emmett were right behind me. I was a little surprised that Jasper didn't round out the group but he stayed downstairs.

Bella's scent grew increasingly stronger as we moved up to the third floor and down to a door at the end of a long hallway where I remembered a large bedroom being located. The 'odd' sounds and smells I'd sensed downstairs got louder and stronger as we neared it.

Alice paused with her hand on the door knob. "Rose, Emmett, could you please wait out here?"

"No, I will not," Rose said flatly.

"Rose, please. It will be all right," Alice assured them. "I'll be in there too."

Rose stared at her for a long moment, then turned to glare at me. "Don't wake her up," she growled as she and Emmett leaned against the hallway wall right outside the door.

Alice opened the door, we stepped inside and she closed the door behind us. Despite the fact that I hadn't fed much, if at all in the last five months, and Bella's scent was just as mouthwatering as ever, I didn't have any trouble controlling my blood lust for her.

I had expected the room to be dark, but there was a soft glow in the room coming from a small table lamp next to the bed.

"She doesn't like to be in the dark," Alice said softly as if she'd read my thoughts. I only nodded in response.

So many images of things in the room assaulted me at once that I didn't know if even my vampire brain could handle them all. Each one raised more questions than it answered.

Bella was lying on her back in the center of a wide adjustable hospital bed with the head of the bed raised slightly. She looked tiny and fragile in the large bed, but appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Why did she need a hospital bed? Why not just a standard bed?

The only part of her I could actually see was her head. Everything else was buried under a thick feather down comforter. While her face was still just as beautiful as it had always been, I frowned over the fact that the lines of her face were too sharp. Her cheeks and closed eyes looked sunken and her cheekbones looked ready to cut through her skin. Deep shadows marred the skin below her eyes and even her skin itself didn't look right. It looked too pale and too thin, papery thin. If it hadn't been for the sound of her heartbeat and the slight warmth radiating from her, I would have suspected she was a terribly underfed vampire.

Her hair was spread across the pillow. Unless I was mistaken, it was even longer than it had been when I'd seen her last, as if she hadn't cut it at all since I'd left and the long, dark strands looked dull rather than silky and shiny as I'd remembered.

The dripping I'd heard was a standard IV that was apparently dripping into Bella, although I could not be sure where exactly since the tubing disappeared under the down comforter. Why did she need an IV?

The machine sound I'd heard was what I recognized as a small infusion pump running on a table near her bed. As with the IV, the tubing coming from the pump disappeared under the covers of her bed so I was not clear on exactly where it was going. I was also pretty sure that whatever was being pumped out of the unit and into Bella was the source of the sweet and slightly medicinal smell I'd detected downstairs.

Except for the sound of her breathing and her heartbeat, Bella was utterly silent. I was so used to her talking in her sleep that she seemed unnaturally still now. If Alice and Rose hadn't spoken of waking her up, I would have thought she was in a coma.

As I looked around the room, I realized that it seemed more like a hospital room than a bedroom. While I didn't see anything like a respirator or a heart monitor, there was what I thought was a small, portable x-ray machine resting in the corner and there were a number of small cabinets along the far wall that appeared to contain various medications and medical supplies.

There were no knickknacks, mementos or pictures to personalize the space. It was sparsely furnished, only containing the bed, a flat screen TV, the narrow flat couch from my room in Forks, a couple of small end tables and two chairs. One chair was next to the bed and one was by the window. The chair by the window was the only really comfortable looking piece of furniture in the room. Made of black leather, it was wide and overstuffed. I startled a bit in surprise when I realized it was the chair I'd seen Bella sitting in when the image had flashed through Esme's thoughts earlier. I ran my hand over the butter-soft leather. Bella's scent saturated it, which led me to believe that she must sit in the chair a lot.

As I turned, I saw Alice adjust something on the infusion pump and check the level on the IV. Then, very gently, she pulled the feather comforter just a little higher on Bella. She tucked it gently around Bella's shoulders and lightly brushed back a piece of hair that had fallen across Bella's cheek. The scene almost reminded me of the way I thought a mother might tuck in a child.

I knew there was something I wasn't seeing, some connection I wasn't making and it was driving me mad. "Alice..." I hissed too softly for Bella to hear. "... what's wrong with..."

Alice shook her head and motioned me toward the door. I didn't want to leave Bella but I needed answers. So after one last look at Bella, I followed Alice out into the hall. As soon as she had closed the door, I peppered her with questions.

"Alice, what's with all the medical equipment?" I demanded. "And why does Bella look like a she's just survived a few months in a concentration camp?"

Alice continued down the hall toward the stairs without looking back at me. "I told you Edward, let's go downstairs and I'll..."

Anger surged through me and, unable to stop myself, I grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall. "I don't want to go downstairs. I want you to tell me what the hell is going on right now!"

I heard Jasper growl downstairs and Emmett and Rose were instantly on either side of me gripping my arms. "Don't do it man," Emmett said with his own growl. "Don't make Jasper come up here; it's hard enough for him as it is."

I didn't understand Emmett's words about Jasper, but they did nothing to make me loosen my hold on Alice's arms.

"Let go of her before we make you," Rose added threateningly.

All but ignoring everyone else, Alice and I only stared at each other. Despite my anger, her expression was perfectly calm and something about it cut right through me.

"Don't worry, Jazz," she said in a normal tone of voice, her eyes not leaving mine. "I'm all right. He won't hurt me; he's just upset." She tilted her head slightly and I knew she was addressing me now and not Jasper. "I will answer all your questions, Edward, but not until we go downstairs. As unlikely as it is, I don't want to take a chance that Bella will overhear anything we're talking about."

I glanced back toward the door. I hadn't thought about Bella being able to hear us. Dropping my hands, I shook off Emmett and Rose and stalked downstairs. Jasper gave me a warning look as I passed him at the foot of the stairs but I ignored it.

"Okay, so we're downstairs," I growled. "Now what the hell is going on?"

"Edward," Alice began hesitantly. "Bella's not well."

I started to pace. "Yes, Alice, I guessed that part. Now I repeat, what the hell happened?"

"She was... injured," Alice said.

"And how did she get injured?" I said frustrated at how much she seemed to be dancing around my questions. "Did you injure her when you kidnapped her from the hospital and brought her here?"

Alice looked a little like I'd struck her. "No, Edward, of course not. I would never..."

Rose cut her off. "Why the hell does everyone jump to that conclusion?" she demanded. "Since when do we look like the type to beat the shit out of defenseless human girls?" She got right up in my face. "Don't you get it, you stupid, selfish ass? We saved her. Which is more than I can say for you."

I wondered at her words. Beat the shit out of? Had someone beaten Bella? Aside from being too thin, I didn't see any bruises on Bella. Of course, I'd only seen her face.

"Rose," Alice cautioned.

I was frowning now. "Saved her? Saved her how?"

Rose ignored me and addressed Alice. "No, I know we agreed that we'd keep our thoughts to ourselves on this, but I think he should see exactly what happened."

Before anyone could say anything else, her thoughts hit me like a freight train as they exploded in her mind and I fell to my knees under the weight of them.

Rose and Alice shopping and the broken look on Alice's face after a vision of Bella. Rose arguing with Alice about Bella.

Words like 'raped, strangled and murdered' coming out of Alice's mouth when she described her vision of Bella to Rose.

Going to Florida and worrying they wouldn't get there in time.

Breaking into Bella's room, only to find her attacker in the process of beating and nearly raping her.

I fisted my hands in my hair and yanked as hard as I could as the images rolled on.

Rose breaking the orderly's neck with a satisfying crunch of bone.

Bella naked, bruised and battered, whimpering in pain and asking Alice to help her... telling her it hurt.

I was only dimly aware that Alice was now shouting at Rose. I couldn't hear or see much else beyond the roaring in my head and the images that accompanied it.

Bringing Bella back to Ithaca with them so Carlisle could treat and care for her.

Rose talking to an unconscious Bella who was lying in the backseat of a car, her face a bruised, battered, swollen, and nearly unrecognizable, mess.

Burying the monster that had hurt Bella in a deep pit they'd dug on the way home.

Esme trying to get Bella to eat and having no more success than Charlie had. Actually Esme had less success since Bella didn't speak or acknowledge Esme's presence much less attempt to eat anything.

Bella sitting in the black leather chair in the room upstairs, her eyes just as blank and lifeless as I'd seen in Charlie's memories. Only this time, her arm was in a sling and while the swelling had gone down, the bruises were a Technicolor rainbow across her face.

Suddenly, I was flying through the air and it took me a moment to realize that I was running, although I had no recollection of deciding to run or even getting to my feet. I was just moving. Blindly running as if my life depended on it. Running because I knew that, if I stopped, I would have to face the horrors I'd just seen.

The horrors my absence had allowed to be inflicted on Bella.

TBC...

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><p>Now, before you start throwing things at Edward for running out and me for letting him, have no fear, it's not what you think. He's just having a moment and he won't be going far. Have a little faith in Edward (and me) and check back next week for chapter 6. I think it will address a lot of your questions and concerns.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. As long as you don't have your private messaging feature disabled, I've been trying to reply to all the reviews as quickly as I can. You're support has been terrific and I'm deeply humbled by your response to this story.

ALSO please be aware, this chapter contains a discussion about suicide.

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><p>At the end of the last chapter, Rose had thrown a tidal wave of images of what had happened to Bella at Edward and his response was to run away from the house at top speed...<p>

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 6<strong>_

**EDWARD**

Things were a blur as I moved, but some part of me was aware that I was being anything but quiet as I crashed through the forest behind the house. I didn't have the presence of mind to go around things or over things; if they were in my path, I just went through them. Bushes, trees, boulders... they were nothing more than shadows in my way.

My dead heart felt like it would burst from my chest. How was that possible? How could I feel as if I were dying if I was already dead? The answer was agonizingly simple, because my heart, my life lay asleep and broken in the third floor bedroom of the house that I was running away from at top speed.

That stopped me in my tracks and I dropped to the ground like a dog reaching the end of its chain. I screamed, not caring who or what heard me. Screamed and screamed until unbelievably even my vampire voice began to get hoarse. When my voice finally gave out, my body dry heaved in an attempt to vomit but there was nothing in my system to get rid of. Nothing physical anyway, I hadn't fed since the panther in the jungle. Mentally and emotionally, the cold, sour, black truth coated my insides like a cancer and would not be purged.

I lay there - for how long, I didn't know; it could have been five minutes or five years - with my cheek pressed to the damp earth, my body shaking and heaving. Then, quite suddenly, I felt a small hand touch my shoulder. I had been so bewildered that both my ears and my mind had failed to detect anyone's approach. I believe that was a first for me.

"Edward?" Alice's voice was soft, gentle. Then she tried with her mind. _"Edward?"_

I looked up to see my sister crouching beside me, with Jasper standing next to her and Esme kneeling on my other side. The sky was just beginning to lighten so it must have been getting close to morning. Emmett and Rose were no where to be seen. I could all but imagine Rose's smug smile of satisfaction over the fact that I had now witnessed at least some of the destruction I'd left in my wake over the past five months.

I felt a calming wave roll over me and I looked up at Jasper. "Don't," I said to him, my vampire vocal cords already healed enough from the screaming to allow me to speak again. "I don't deserve it."

He looked at me for a moment and then silently nodded. The calm quickly dissipated, leaving me alone with my despair again.

Alice tried to speak to me through her thoughts because she thought it might get through to me more easily. _"Edward? Please, Edward, we need you. Bella needs you. We've tried to help her, but we can't. I think you're the only one who can. You can't leave again."_

I blinked up at her. She thought I was going to leave? I almost wanted to laugh, but I knew the sound would be bitter. I couldn't leave Bella. I didn't WANT to leave Bella. Yes, there in the living room I'd seen Rose's thoughts and gone a little crazy from grief and from the pain that I'd inflicted on Bella, but I had never thought to leave her. I had tried that for five months and it had almost killed us both. And that had been when I thought she wouldn't need me, when I thought she would be better off without me. But she needed me now more than she ever had before. And although it was selfish of me, I needed her too.

While I knew she would never forgive me and I could never atone for what I'd done, my new mission in this life was to help Bella heal. To make her whole and happy. To make her smile again, even if the smile was for someone else; I had to repair the damage I'd done.

I sat up slowly, Esme and Alice's hands helping me. "I'm not leaving," I said quietly. "I just... needed a minute."

"_Is that what you call it?"_ Jasper's mind muttered dryly.

"_Edward, please don't blame Rose for showing you what she did. Although it wasn't the way I wanted to tell you, she wasn't trying to be cruel. She's just angry about what happened to Bella," _Alice mentally tried to explain._ "In a lot of ways what happened to Bella was similar to what happened to her. She just doesn't want to see Bella hurt again."_

"I don't want that either," I said quietly. "And I don't blame Rose. I'm sure my anger goaded her into it."

"_Are you ready to go back to the house?" _her mind asked.

I didn't make any move to get up from the ground and just looked up at her. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, Alice?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell me the moment you knew something was wrong with Bella? I would have come back the moment you told me."

She stared at me for a very long while, debating, then she spoke aloud. "I did know that, but I also knew that you told me not to look for her and I thought you'd be angry when I did it anyway. She was my friend too, Edward, I couldn't help but look for her," she said. "I also didn't tell you because I'd hoped she'd get better on her own, but she didn't. And finally, I thought you might come and take her away from us or make her leave to go back to Charlie or Renee. I won't have that, Edward. We need her too. Human or not, she's part of this family and we've missed her. Unless Bella truly wants to leave, she stays with us."

I looked between Jasper and Esme. "And everyone else feels the same way?" I asked them. They both nodded.

I'd had no idea Alice and my family felt so strongly about Bella. Under other circumstances, it would have been heartwarming. As it was, it only made me feel guiltier about making them leave Bella in the first place. And I could hardly be angry at Alice or Rose for going to Florida to get Bella. They'd saved her. How could I do anything to argue against or demean the importance of that?

"Will you tell me the rest of it?" I asked her. "Will you tell me everything that's happened to Bella in my absence?"

She held out her hand to me and now she spoke aloud. "If you come back to the house, I'll tell you everything know."

After she'd helped me up, I surprised the hell out of her by pulling her into a tight hug. Jasper started to lunge at me for the sudden movement, but when he sensed I meant her no ill will, he pulled back.

"Thank you, Alice," I breathed. "Thank you for saving her when I didn't."

"You don't have to thank me, Edward," she said hugging me back. "Like I said, she's my friend too."

"I know but..." I searched for the words. "I'll still never be able to repay you for what you did."

I heard her chuckle softly. "Well, I have been wanting a new car..." she teased and I knew she was trying to bring some levity to a difficult situation.

"Alice!" Esme chided.

"I was joking!" she insisted. _"Mostly,"_ she added silently with a mental giggle. _"Now that you mention it, a yellow Porsche would be nice."_

I managed a small smile but couldn't find it in me to laugh. "I'll keep that in mind."

After that, the four of us started back for the house, moving at what vampires would consider a slightly slow pace, but to most humans, we would have still been just a blur.

"I was coming back for her, you know," I said quietly. "I realized that despite all my noble ideas, I simply couldn't live without her."

"I know," Alice said. "I saw that the time away from her was hard for you too."

My voice was hard and quiet. "I think we can agree that it was immensely harder for Bella than it was for me."

The three of them let my comment drop and didn't reply as we continued to move through the forest. The sun was almost up. It seemed to be taking a long time to get back to the house. The path wasn't hard to find though, all we had to do was follow my trail of destruction. Trees uprooted, bushes torn up and destroyed boulders all pointed the way.

"I made quite a mess, didn't I?" I said. "How much further is it to the house?"

"Another ten miles," Esme said. "Just over that small ridge."

"I didn't realize I'd run so far," I murmured.

"About eighty miles," Jasper put in. "I've never seen you run so fast."

"I wasn't really... thinking," I said. Once again, the three of them did not comment on that.

"Can you tell me what Rose showed you so that I don't duplicate anything?" Alice said quietly.

Her thoughts were still controlled, but I could read the apprehension in her mind. She was worried I would take off again and I wondered if this was why she had everyone being so careful with their thoughts about Bella.

"I'm not going anywhere Alice," I promise. "It was just a shock to me, I had no idea any of this had happened to Bella. When Rose showed it to me like that, it was overwhelming."

Keeping my voice as emotionless as possible, I spent the rest of the trek back to the house recapping most of what Rose had shown me. The sun was climbing into the sky when we reached the house but the area was secluded enough that we didn't have to worry about being seen as we walked across the backyard.

"What happened to the sliding door?" I asked as we neared the back of the house and saw Emmett and Rose putting a large sheet of plywood over what used to be one of the two sliding glass doors at the back of the house.

"Um, you happened to it, Edward," Esme said. "You exited the house rather... quickly."

I had no memory of breaking through the glass. I only remembered a vague impression of being inside... then being outside. "I'm sorry, Esme."

"It's not a problem, Edward. I'll just have a glass company come out and replace it," she assured me. "No harm done."

Rose glared at me as she held the plywood in place so Emmett could put in the nails that would hold it securely to the surrounding frame. He wasn't using a hammer on the nails, just his thumb to press them in as if they were thumbtacks on a corkboard. I was a little surprised to see that Rose's face looked neither smug nor satisfied, but her expression told me she was still plenty angry.

Now that Emmett had enough nails in place and the board would stay up on its own, Rose dropped her hands from the wood and turned to face me. Although her thoughts were controlled again, they were still tinged with anger.

"Well, surprise, surprise. So you came back after all," she sneered. "I guess I'm going to lose that bet I made with Emmett."

"What bet was that?" I asked.

"I bet him a hundred bucks that you'd be in Canada by now," she glanced back at Emmett. "He had more faith in you. He said you'd be back."

"Rose," Esme chided. "You're not helping matters any."

"It's all right, Esme. It's nothing that I don't deserve." Keeping my gaze level on Rose, I tried to convey just how serious I was. "I'm not leaving her again, Rose... I can't... I won't. You know I only left Bella months ago because I thought she would be safer and better off without me."

"_And how did that work out for everyone involved?" _her mind tossed out.

I continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I would never have gone if I'd had the smallest inkling that she would respond like she did or that anything would happen to her."

"_Well, they say hindsight is twenty-twenty," _she sniped.

I could see I was going to have a long road with Rose, but I didn't care. She wasn't saying anything I wasn't already thinking and I would owe her for eternity for helping to save Bella so she could say what she liked. On the other hand, I wouldn't let her stand in the way of me trying to help Bella now.

"You can be angry all you want, Rose, but I'm here now and I'll be here until she orders me away. But even then I think you know me well enough to realize that I'll still won't leave her. I'll be with her even if doesn't know it."

"_We'll see,"_ she thought darkly.

She was still shooting death glares at me, but didn't say anything more. It occurred to me that should the worst happen and I wasn't able to save Bella, there was a very good chance that I wouldn't need to go to the Volturi and ask them to kill me, because Rose would probably volunteer for the job herself. In spite of that, however, I had something important to say to her.

"Thank you, Rose."

The look of shocked surprise that crossed her face was almost comical. Clearly that was the last thing she had expected me to say.

"For what?"

"For helping Alice save Bella and for killing the monster that hurt her," I said and for a moment I saw something warm in her eyes. "I can never repay you for saving Bella when I didn't. There's no price on what that means to me."

Her eyes had gone cool again. "I didn't do it for you."

Part of me wanted to hug her, but I didn't want to risk her ripping off my arms. She wasn't big on public displays of affection under the best of circumstances... unless they were from Emmett, of course; then in her mind it was the more the better.

"I know, but I'm still thankful," I said quietly.

An awkward silence began to stretch between us. Alice was the one to finally break it.

"Rose, did you unhook Bella?" Rose opened her mouth to answer but the voice that came out was not hers.

"No she didn't, but I did," came another voice from our right.

We looked over to see Carlisle step through the other sliding glass door and out onto the patio with us. Immediately his gaze focused on me and he smiled.

Walking over to us, he enveloped me in a hug. _"Welcome home, son. We've missed you."_

It didn't feel quite as rusty to hug him as it had to hug Esme the night before. "If I'd known what had happened or what was happening to Bella, I would have come back sooner," I told him.

"I know that," he said as he stepped back to look at me. I could hear the sincerity in his voice and in his thoughts. "Hello, darling," he said kissing Esme's cheek when she moved to stand next to him.

"How long have you been home?" she asked slipping an arm around his waist.

"Not long," he said pulling her closer. "Just long enough to see to Bella and for Rose and Emmett to tell me what happened to the sliding glass door and where everyone else had gone."

I dragged a hand through my hair. "Yeah, I got a little upset when I found out some of what's been going on with Bella." I looked over at Alice. "Alice, what did you mean about 'unhooking' Bella?"

Everyone exchanged looks but even their minds didn't answer my question. "Come on," Carlisle finally said. "Let's go in the house. We have lot to discuss."

We filed into the living room, Carlisle and Alice settled themselves on the couch with me between them. Carlisle looked grave as his eyes connected with mine. "Edward, we have to feed Bella intravenously because she won't eat or drink anything on her own," Carlisle began. "We didn't have any other choice. She's almost twenty–five pounds underweight. She was even thinner when she first got here but the feedings have helped her gain three or four pounds since then."

I realized then that the intravenous feedings must have been the purpose of the infusion pump and the IV in her room. The nutrient glucose mixture they must be giving her was the source of the sweet yet medicinal smell I had detected earlier.

"We do it at night while she's in bed and we can sedate her because it's easier that way and less stress on her. Every morning we disconnect her before she wakes up."

"Why do you have to sedate her?" I asked next.

"She doesn't sleep," Rose put in. "At least not for long periods. She fights sleep for as long as possible, but when she can't stay awake any longer and finally does fall asleep, she doesn't stay out for long. About an hour after she falls asleep, she wakes up screaming from terrible nightmares and then she can't go back to sleep."

"Yeah, the first night it happened we thought she was being attacked and we all burst into her room," Emmett said. "Of course that only scared the crap out of her."

Carlisle was never one to hold things back from me and I think he knew I'd want to see this so the image, including full sound, came out of his mind. The sound of her screams was chilling. Emmett was right, it did sound like she was being attacked. I wasn't sure which was worse, the sound of her screaming or the broken, terrified look on her face when she woke.

"Sedating her is really the only way we've been able to give her any level of sleep," Carlisle added. "So we wait until she falls asleep in the chair, then we put her in bed, hook up an IV for fluids and the sedative and then we start feeding her through the central line they put in when she was still in the hospital."

"Has she told any one what the dreams are about?"

They all exchanged looks again. Alice was the one to finally answer me. "Edward, for the most part she's retreated into her own world. She does have sort of a routine that she follows. She uses the bathroom when she needs to and she does shower and dress herself every morning when she gets up, but it's all very robotic as if she's on auto pilot. Other than that, she sits in the chair and stares out the window."

I brought up Esme's image of Bella sitting in the chair by the window staring out at nothing. The image of her so pale and listless was painful to see.

Alice continued. "But she never talks to us. She spoke to me that night at the hospital, but except for the nightmares and screaming the first time she woke up after we'd brought her here, it's like she's not in there."

I opened my mouth to ask something else, but Rose spoke first. "Actually, I think she's very much in there. She tries to hide it behind her hair but every once in a while, I'll see her startle over a noise or she'll glance very slightly toward the door when someone comes in. She's very subtle about it; you have to be watching her to even detect it. She's actually gotten quite good at hiding her reactions."

Carlisle nodded. "That's true. Sometimes when I'm taking care of her, I have the impression that she's almost hyper-aware of me, even though her heart beat and breathing never change."

"There were also two different occasions when I saw her moving her lips," Rose added. "Like she's talking to someone, but there's no sound. It kind of reminds me of when someone moves their lips when they're reading a book."

"Really?" Alice said. "I didn't know about any of that. She's never done anything like that when I've been around her."

"There's something else," Rose said slowly. "She spoke to me once."

"_What?"_ I heard Alice mentally exclaim. She was a little angry now and if I wasn't mistaken, a little envious. "What do you mean she spoke to you?" she asked Rose. "You never said anything."

"I didn't tell you because it wasn't a big deal. You were all out hunting or running errands and I was sitting with Bella, she even let me hold her hand which I thought was a good sign."

Alice looked at me. "She doesn't like to be touched," she explained.

Doesn't like to be touched? That was something new.

Rose continued. "Anyway, I told her that we were worried about her and wanted her to get better." Rose glanced at me, then back to Alice again. "I told her that the best way to do that was to forget about Edward and that he wasn't worth getting so upset over."

Rose looked at me, her eyes daring me to say something, but I remained silent. After all, what could I say? She was right. I wasn't worth it. Not after everything I'd done to Bella or after everything that had been done to Bella because of me and my decisions.

"So what did she say?" Alice asked impatiently.

"Well, up until then, her hand had been limp in mine almost as if she'd been asleep even though her eyes were open and she was looking out the window. But after I said that, she pulled her hand away from me and for once she actually looked at me. Really, LOOKED at me. I think she was even a little mad. Then, very softly, she said, "Don't talk about Edward that way, it's not his fault. It's my fault. I just wasn't enough."

In the wake of her words, the room was silent. I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Even after all that I'd done to her, she was still defending me and blaming herself. The sound of soft footfalls on the floor of the third floor bedroom above and then the shower turning on caused me to lift my head again.

"Bella's awake," Alice murmured breaking the silence, then she looked at me. "Okay, well except for Rose she hasn't spoken to anyone."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Um, that's not entirely accurate, Alice. She also spoke to me."

Now Alice really was put out. "So has she talked to everyone BUT me?" she demanded. "I'm supposed to be her best friend!"

"She didn't talk to me," Jasper quickly said.

"Or me," Esme added.

"Me either," Emmett said with a shrug.

Alice looked at them before glaring at Carlisle. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because, Alice, it was not a pleasant conversation. At the time I did not feel it was necessary to share it and I'd hoped Bella would get better with some time. However in light of our discussion, Edward's return, and the fact that she hasn't gotten better at all, I mention it now because I think it might provide some insight on what's going on in her mind."

His encounter with Bella was much longer than Rose's had been. The two of them had been home alone and Carlisle had been checking her arm... her broken arm. I realized then that I didn't know the full extent of her injuries, or at least what her injuries had been when they'd brought her home to New York and I made a note to talk to Carlisle to get her status from a medical standpoint so I could help care for her. As for his conversation with her, I saw the first hand memory in his mind as he recounted it verbally to the rest of the family.

**CARLISLE'S MENTAL FLASHBACK:**

"_Carlisle?"_

_Despite my vampire senses it took me a moment to realize Bella had just spoken to me - or to anyone, as for as I knew - for the first time in the two weeks she'd been here._

_Thinking that her speaking to me now was some kind of breakthrough, I nearly hugged her, but something in her eyes stopped me. Whether it be my instincts as a doctor, a surrogate father, or a vampire I didn't know, but something told me to tread very, very carefully._

"_Yes, Bella?" I said trying to sound calm and reassuring._

_Her eyes were actually focused on me rather than the blank, vacant look I'd been getting since she'd been here and she stared at me for a very long moment. It was almost as if she'd woken up from a long slumber and was trying to get her bearings. Her look was... measuring, which I wasn't sure was good sign._

"_Did you need something, Bella?" I asked her gently._

_She nodded fractionally, but spoke quite clearly and, in my mind, quite lucidly, when she answered. "Yes, Carlisle. I need you to kill me."_

**EDWARD**

Everyone in the room except for Carlisle and me, gasped. Carlisle didn't because the words were not a shock to him now. As for me, I didn't gasp because they were TOO much of a shock to me. Did she really want to die?

"No, Carlisle," Esme breathed. "She can't be suicidal. She's never made any attempt to hurt herself... well except for the mirror cutting her hand, but she could have hurt herself much worse with all the broken glass and she didn't. Her medical records didn't say anything about her being suicidal either."

"Mirror?" I asked quietly, trying not to get overwhelmed enough to run screaming from the house again.

"We're not sure why but not long after she got here, she somehow managed to use the brace on her broken arm to smash the mirror in her bathroom," Alice supplied. "She cut the side and back of her hand badly enough that Carlisle had to give her twelve stitches. Luckily, he was home at the time so he could deal with the blood."

"I'm not entirely sure how she did it either," Carlisle put in. "She would have had to put a lot of force into it and with her healing shoulder and broken arm it doesn't seem possible. The simple act of swinging her arm and hitting the mirror must have hurt quite a bit, but she never made a sound or shed a tear. But Esme's right, the cuts she received were just incidental. We all came running when we heard the crash so she didn't have a lot time in there by herself, but she had the door locked and she could have easily picked up a piece of the glass and swiped it across her wrist before we could get to her. However, we saw no evidence that she tried to do so."

Why would she smash the bathroom mirror? I felt like for every tidbit of information I received, I was left with more questions about what was going on in Bella's mind. If I ever needed to read her mind it was now. Unfortunately, I knew that her mind would be just as closed to me now as it had ever been.

We all looked up as we heard the water turn off upstairs. Bella was apparently done with her shower.

"I don't think she is suicidal," Carlisle continued after a moment. "Not in the strictest sense of the word. I think she feels hopeless and doesn't know what else to do."

"Why do you think that, Carlisle?" Alice asked.

"Because of something she said later on in our conversation," he said as he continued discussing the conversation he'd had with Bella. Once again I looked at the memory in his mind rather than listening to his words.

**CARLISLE'S MENTAL FLASHBACK:**

"_I'm sorry, Bella, what did you say?"_

"_I want you to kill me," she said calmly._

_I still thought that I must have misunderstood her. "Are you asking me to change you?"_

_There was a flash in her eyes, one that I read as pain, and then it was gone. "No, being changed doesn't matter to me without Edw..." _

_She actually flinched as if saying Edward's name brought her physical pain and I watched her wrap her uninjured arm around her chest as if she was trying to hold herself together. _

**EDWARD**

I lowered my head to my hands. The picture his mind painted of Bella's was brutal. The naked pain in her eyes when she simply tried to say my name said it all. Just when I thought I knew how badly I'd hurt her, a new level of her pain reared up to slap me in the face to tell me that I knew nothing.

**CARLISLE'S MENTAL FLASHBACK:**

"_No, I don't want to be changed," she said. "I just want to die. I think you can do it quickly and painlessly by stopping my heart."_

"_Bella, don't say that," I told her. "You have a lot to live for. Why would you want to die?"_

_For a moment I saw her eyes glisten just a little brighter as if she were trying to hold back tears, but none fell. "I have nothing, Carlisle. No one will miss me. No one wants me enough to miss me." _

**EDWARD**

Another level of pain. She thought no one wanted her? How could she think that? Oh, yes, that's right, I'd told her I didn't want her and then I'd taken away the people she loved like a second family. How very helpful of me. That day in the forest, I knew her often shaky self-worth would take a hit because of my comment and I used it anyway. And yet, how had she believed me so easily? Apparently, I was very convincing. Gold star for me.

**CARLISLE'S MENTAL FLASHBACK:**

_I laid my hand on Bella's uninjured shoulder. "How can you say that? What about Charlie and Renee? What about Alice and the rest of us?"_

"_If you send me back to Charlie or Renee they'll just put me back to the hospital. I can't live like that." Her voice caught slightly. "And I'm only here because Alice saw what was going to happen to me and you all felt guilty. I can't live like that either. I can't be your charity case." She swallowed hard. "So you see, Carlisle, I have no where to go. No one wants me."_

"_That's not true, Bella," I insisted. "If you don't want to go back to Charlie or Renee, you can stay with us. Human or not, WE want you. We're not guilty, we're sorry. So sorry that we left you, not knowing how much it would hurt you. We thought we were helping you. We don't pity you, we've missed you. You're here because we love you and want you to get better, Bella, not because we pity you. Please, you have to believe me."_

_Each word I spoke seemed to make her shoulders slump a little more and I could tell she didn't believe me at all. I could all but see her pull back into herself like a turtle pulling back into its shell._

"_I understand, Carlisle," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I put you in such a difficult position, I won't ask again." _

_With that, what little light there had been in her eyes vanished and the blankness returned as she closed down again and turned back to the window._

"_Bella, please..." I begged. "Don't shut us out. Let us show you how much we want you."_

**EDWARD**

As Carlisle's story came to an end, I tried to focus on his words like everyone else, but it was hard to let go of that image of Bella sitting in the chair, broken and alone.

"I didn't get through to her again. Every time since then that I've tried to talk to her, I've gotten no response," Carlisle finished. "There's no medical reason why she doesn't speak. She simply chooses not to. l think the key to her recovery is to make her see how much we want her and that she's not just a charity case to us."

I lifted my head from my hands. "Jasper?" I said quietly. "What do you feel from her?"

He sat down on the arm of the sofa behind Alice. "Sadness. Terrible sadness and hopelessness. It's like a wall around her."

Alice leaned back against him and patted his leg. "Jasper can't even be on the same floor with her. The emotion coming off her is so strong; it's just too hard for him."

Well, that explains why he hadn't come upstairs with us last night.

I considered the rest of Carlisle's words. As much as it hurt me to hear that she was sad, at least that was an emotion. The images of her in various minds had all shown her with a blank expression, but if she was sad at least she was feeling something. That gave me hope that I could somehow find a way to help her move past the sadness and heal.

"Carlisle? Can I talk to you alone?" I asked quietly.

Given our vampire senses, we were never truly alone as long as the others were in the house, but I wanted to at least feel the illusion of privacy with him now.

"Of course, why don't we go into my study?" he said.

I nodded and we stood. As we started to cross the room, Alice's voice stopped me.

"Edward?"

I turned. Everyone was still right where they'd been a moment ago, their expressions expectant and I felt the weight of that expectation fall squarely on me.

"Yes?" I answered.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Alice, I really don't," I told her honestly. "I don't even know where to start. She must hate me for what I've done to her. I guess I'll start by talking to her and see how it goes from there."

Her next comment was silent rather than aloud. _"I wish I could tell you if it will do any good. I only see you speaking to her, but I don't see her reaction."_

I nodded to acknowledge that I'd heard her, then turned back to Carlisle and followed him out of the room and up to his study on the second floor. Once we there, he closed the door behind us. He went around behind his desk to sit down and I just leaned against the wall.

"Why didn't you call me, Carlisle?" I asked quietly. I was more hurt than angry that he hadn't. "Alice told me why she didn't and I guess I can understand it, but I thought you would have called me. You know how I feel about Bella. I only had her best interest at heart. I would have come immediately."

He considered the question and since it was just the two of us, he let his mind answer for him.

"_I'm sorry, Edward. In hindsight, I believe calling you right away would have been the best course of action. But at the time it didn't seem so cut and dried."_

"How so?"

"_It was chaos here when they brought her home. For the first few days, our focus was simply on trying to assess Bella's injuries and then care for her medical needs, which I'm sorry to say were extensive." _He sat back in his chair and sighed._ "Then there's the fact that Alice and Rose were adamantly against calling you because they thought you'd take Bella away again. I'm not quite sure exactly what happened that night in Florida, but it bonded the two of them to Bella like mother hens... no, more like mother lionesses. I think they feel as if they saved her so now she's their responsibility and I can't say that I can fault them for that. Their feelings on that were strong enough that I thought it might turn into a fight if you tried to take Bella away. I didn't want that, Edward. Not for you, not for Bella and not for the rest of the family."_

I wanted to be angry at him, I really did. I wanted to be angry with all of them. But the only one I was really angry with was myself. I had forced my family to uproot themselves and leave Bella, even when I knew how important she was to them. I could hardly blame them for reacting the way they had when it had fallen to them to save Bella from my reckless decisions. I just wish there was a way to go back and convince them that I would never leave Bella again and I would never have tried to take her from them a second time. Or better yet, go back and never leave her in the first place.

"Well, if it makes any difference now, I've learned my lesson about arbitrarily making decisions where Bella is concerned," I told him.

He nodded and stared at me for a long moment. "_To be honest, Edward, I also wasn't sure how seeing Bella in the state she was in when she arrived here would affect you and I wasn't sure if your presence would help or hinder her recovery. I still don't. Even Alice can't see that."_

"I'm not leaving her again, Carlisle. No matter what," I told him. "That's why I was in Forks yesterday. I realized when I was in South America that I can't be without her. I can't exist without her. So I'm going to do whatever it takes to make her well again and then I'll be part of her life in whatever capacity she'll let me."

Carlisle studied me for a moment. _"I can see you mean that. Good."_ He reached into his desk and pulled out a thick file. _"You might want to look at this then. It will be hard for you to read, but I think you need to be aware of what's in it."_ He held the file out to me.

Pushing away from the wall, I walked over and took it from him. "What is it?"

"_Bella's medical file," _he replied. _"Rose and Alice stole it from the hospital. Part of it is her active medical file and part of it is a printed copy of her computer records that Rose downloaded from the hospital's computer. I've also added some notes while I've been treating her."_

I sank into one of the chairs in front of his desk and opened the file. Except for one ID photo when she was admitted to the hospital in Florida, there were no pictures. But Carlisle had been right; it was still very hard to read. Her list of injuries from the beating were especially hard. Concussion, broken nose, hairline fracture in the left jaw and cheek bone, four cracked ribs, a broken left arm and a dislocated left shoulder. There were also additional notes from Carlisle about her hand being cut up from smashing the mirror and something about nausea and vomiting soon after she arrived at the house.

"Why did you use a brace on her arm rather than a plaster cast?"

"_It was a hairline fracture and I thought a brace would be easier for her to wash or for us to wash her, if need be. Given the placement of the fracture and her other injuries, I didn't think she'd be moving around much or putting much stress on it anyway. Plus I thought I could always put a plaster or fiberglass cast on later if the situation warranted it."_

I nodded. "Makes sense."

"_There still are a couple things we don't know,"_ he commented as I continued to read. _"We're still not sure why Charlie sent her to Florida to live with Renee in the first place."_

I looked up at him. "I do. I overheard a phone call Charlie had with Renee when I was in Forks. He thought a change of scenery would do Bella some good," I supplied. "He was at a loss as to how to deal with her depression after we left. He feels terrible that something happened to her."

Carlisle steepled his fingers in front of him. _"Oh, I see. "_

I stared at him. "I know I've already said this, Carlisle, but I swear, I had no idea she would react so badly to our departure."

"_None of us did, son," _he thought sympathetically_. "And apparently, it only got worse when she went to Florida. According to the notes in her file, she only became more and more withdrawn in Florida. Then, one night, she turned up missing. Renee was frantic and called the police thinking Bella might have been kidnapped or something."_

I had just gotten to that part of the file and I frowned. "The police found her a mile from the house? In her pajamas?"

Carlisle nodded. _"She was already being heavily medicated then so I'm not sure how much of that contributed to it, but she told them she had to go home to Forks because she had to find her family,"_ He looked at me meaningfully. _"Not Charlie, not her dad or her father, but her FAMILY."_

"She was looking for us," I surmised.

He nodded again. _"I believe she was. According to the file, Renee was worried she'd hurt herself or wander off again and get hurt so she had her committed to the __Ten Broeck Hospital in Jacksonville."_

"That correlates with what I heard Charlie and Renee talking about."

Carlisle sighed. _"Unfortunately, I think that was the worst thing they could have done for her."_

"While I would never condone putting Bella in an institution, why do you think it was such a bad idea?"

He began to tick the reasons off on his fingers. _"First, there was clearly an inadequate employee screening process in place at the hospital that allowed a dangerous sex offender to be hired as an orderly. Second, in my opinion, her doctors botched her treatment from the moment she got there. Bella was a mess when Rose and Alice brought her home. And I don't mean just from the beating. The rest of her time in the hospital was not kind to her."_

"Why? Was she abused by someone other than the orderly?"

"_No, nothing like that, at least that I have been able to ascertain, but nothing they did for her seemed to make any difference, in fact she got worse. She was ten pounds underweight when she was committed to the hospital and had lost another twenty pounds by the time Rose and Alice got to her. Her doctors tried putting her on a number of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. Mostly by injection as she wouldn't take them orally. On the surface that sounds like a logical course of action, and while I'll admit that mental health is not my field of specialty, I believe those medications were inappropriate for someone Bella's age. In younger people, usually those under 18-21 years old, those medications can actually exacerbate depression and, in fact, cause thoughts of suicide. Bella being eighteen was right in the gray area. As Esme mentioned, the hospital reported no signs of suicidal behavior in Bella's records, but since she was almost mute in the hospital and wouldn't speak to her doctors or her therapists, there's no way to be sure. The medications can also cause nausea, which in light of the fact that they were also trying to get Bella to eat, was counterproductive in my opinion." _

"Is she still on those medications?" I asked.

"_No, although I could have gotten a supply from the hospital, they clearly weren't working so I made the decision to get them out of her system. The only problem with that is the fact that going off those medications can also make you nauseous and so she was vomiting on and off for the first few days she was here, although with nothing in her system, she didn't bring up much of anything but bile and stomach acid. It was one of the few times we got her to drink some water and eat some ice chips. Mostly to rinse her mouth out afterward."_

Idly, I thought that given the fact that she had four cracked ribs, throwing up must have been terribly painful for her. I blinked in shock at the next entry I saw in the file.

"They gave her electroconvulsive treatments in the hospital?" I said my voice a low, angry growl.

He nodded. _"Another treatment they used that I disagree with. Despite the fact that there was a signed consent form bearing Bella's signature in the file, Alice said that she saw Renee talk her into signing it. From my research, electroconvulsive therapy can play havoc with memory, both before and after the treatments so I'm not sure how much of that plays into her current mental state. In any case, it did not help it any either."_

I felt the anger I'd been suppressing threaten to break free. So much had been done to Bella while I'd been gone. She'd been put through much pain, I could scarcely comprehend it.

Carlisle leaned forward and folded his hands on his desk. _"There's one other reason why I think putting her in the hospital was a really bad idea. In fact, I think it's a big clue to what's behind Bella's state of mind now."_

"What's that?"

"_Her being committed to the hospital was the last in a long series of events that made her feel like no one wanted her,"_ he thought. _"First, we leave her, then Charlie sends her off to live with Renee, then Renee ships her off to the hospital. Bella's had no stability and nothing to hang onto. Given her already fragile mental state and the issues with her self-esteem, I'm not really all that surprised that she thinks no one wants her."_

With almost painful clarity, I remembered Carlisle's discussion with Bella where she said no one wanted her and no one would miss her if she were dead. Carlisle was absolutely right; everything that had happened to Bella in the last five months could easily be taken that way.

Closing the file, I stood up and dropped the file back on his desk. "Well, then, it's about time someone told her just how much they want her."

TBC...

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><p>Next week, Edward actually speaks to Bella... but how will she react to his presence?<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. As long as you don't have your private messaging feature disabled and this website cooperates, I've been trying to reply to all the reviews as quickly as I can. The response you've given this story has been amazing and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

At the end of the last chapter, Edward and Carlisle had discussed Bella's condition and Edward was determined to tell her just how much she was wanted.

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><p>Oh, and there are a couple of things I'd like to mention before you head down below to read this chapter.<p>

First, as you will probably notice, small parts of the dialog coming out of Edward's mouth in this chapter are straight out of _New Moon_. I did that to help weave this story and canon together a bit.

Second, we really get to see inside Bella's head for the first time in this chapter, but there's a twist to things that may have you scratching your heads and going, huh? I will explain more at the end of the chapter, but I hope this twist doesn't send you all running for the hills (don't worry, nothing violent or anything like that, just a different take on something that happened in New Moon).

Okay, I'll stop obsessing now and let you read.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 7<strong>_

**EDWARD**

Rose and Alice caught up with me at the top of the stairs . "Edward, wait," Alice said.

Rose reached out and snagged my arm. "Edward, we think you should hunt first before you see Bella again. Especially if you want to see her alone. We can tell you haven't hunted much, if at all, in weeks."

"I'm fine," I said pulling my arm from her grasp.

"No, you're not fine," Alice put in. "We're not blind. You're starving yourself just like Bella is. You can hardly expect her to eat when it's plain to see you're not either."

"The two things are not related," I said defensively.

"The hell they're not," Rose argued, her eyes flat. "The only difference is Bella won't try and attack you like a shark attacks chum in the water."

I looked at both of them. "I've never been more in control of that part of my nature than I am right now. There will be time for me to hunt later. Right now I have to focus on Bella."

"At least let one of us go in there with you," Alice suggested.

"No, I want to see her alone," I said determinedly, then narrowed my eyes at Alice. "Unless you've seen something?"

"No," she hesitated. "It's just that you might not be thinking it now so I wouldn't see it, but what if you go in there and you smell her and it sets you off?"

"I didn't have any trouble last night," I pointed out.

"Well, you do have a point there, I guess," she agreed reluctantly.

I could see what Carlisle meant about them being protective of Bella. As annoying as it was, I could still appreciate them trying to watch over her. "I swear to you both, I will not hurt her."

Of the two of them Rose looked the most hesitant, but I think she could see that she didn't really have any recourse to stop me from seeing Bella. And maybe, just maybe, part of her acknowledged that I was the best hope for getting back the Bella we all knew and loved.

"We're going to be right outside the door," Rose said. "If we hear anything weird, or Alice sees something, we're coming in."

I nodded. "Fair enough."

The three of us walked down the hall to Bella's room. I didn't even glance back at them as I opened the door and stepped inside. Closing the door behind me, I realized that I was suddenly very nervous. What should I say to Bella... what COULD I say to her? I had no defense against what I'd done, no way to undo or change what she'd suffered because of my harsh words and foolish decisions.

If I hadn't been watching, even with my vampire senses, I would have missed it. Bella had been watching me in the reflection of the window. So that's how she was able to hide many of her reactions from the rest of the family, she didn't need to turn around or move anything but her eyes. She could see what she needed to in the reflection of the window and act accordingly. The reflection was very pale, but I was surprised no one had noticed that before now. The tiniest of gasps passed her lips and in the second our eyes met in the reflection, hers eyes darted away. Then the face in the window was blank again. The only thing that gave her away now was the fact that her heart was racing. Given Carlisle's comment about never hearing her heartbeat or breathing change, apparently that was something new.

Oh, yes, Rose was right. Bella was definitely in there. Now the problem became how to get her to come out.

Perhaps the best thing to do was start with something easy. "Hello, Bella."

There was no response, not that I really expected any. I supposed that would have been too easy. Not quite sure of what to try next, I merely stood there and allowed myself the luxury of watching her and being in her presence for a few moments.

Wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a hoodie, her hair was still damp from her shower. The smell of her strawberry shampoo and her unique freesia scent filled the room. For me, it was the scent of home. As it had last night, the scent made my throat burn, but even in my underfed condition I had no problem controlling it.

Seeing her again, was both pleasure and pain for me. While it was wonderful to see her alive and to be able to drink in the sight and scent of her, the fact that she wasn't rushing to me and was so broken, all because of me, caused a wrenching pain inside me.

I heard her heartbeat slow slightly as she processed my presence and brought herself back under control, but it was still beating faster than normal. Studying her, I felt renewed concern over how very thin she was. She'd lost so much weight that her body looked tiny and frail. Her clothes all but swam on her and she was dwarfed by the large leather chair. Her reflected image looked ghostly in the window, making the dark circles under her eyes appear that much more noticeable.

Slowly, so as not to scare or startle her, I walked over and knelt down beside her chair. I kept my voice soft and gentle when I spoke. "Bella?" There was no flicker of acknowledgement. "Could you please look at me?"

Still no response.

Gently, I reached a finger out to move the hair back from her face. Her heart accelerated again and my stomach dropped when she recoiled away from me to huddle silently against the far side of the chair. As I suspected, this was not going to be easy.

Maybe if I just talked and she listened I could get through to her. She always used to say she liked the sound of my voice.

"I owe you an apology, Bella." I sighed. "No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea my leaving would affect you so deeply or that you might be physically harmed."

Frustrated that she still wasn't responding, I dragged a hand through my hair and I wished for the hundredth time that I could see into her mind.

"I only left because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy life," I continued. "I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, so I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave."

I moved around so I was kneeling in front of her. "I lied to you that day in the forest, Bella, I know it was unforgiveable, but I had to. You weren't going to let me go. I could see that. Lying to you was the only way I thought I could get you to let me go. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would take you just that much longer to get on with your life. Now I see how wrong I was. My leaving didn't do you any good at all. I'm sorry that I lied, sorry that my leaving was a worthless effort. Sorry that I lied to save you and I almost killed you."

I took a breath and hoped she would hear what I said next if nothing else. "But never, not for one moment, did I leave because I didn't love you or want you. Of course, I love you, I've always loved you and I will love you as long as I exist. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away."

There had still been no reaction from her. Her body was turned slightly away from me so I reached out to lay my hands on her arms to gently turn her in my direction, perhaps even get her to LOOK at me so that she would see the truth in my eyes.

The moment my hands touched her arms, I finally got a reaction. The only problem was, it was so shocking it took a moment for me to process it. She began to flail her arms, swinging out wildly, the only sound she made was something between a grunt and a whimper.

The panicked sound of it was like a knife through my silent heart.

Then I realized she wasn't trying to hit me, she was only trying to get me to let go of her and I remembered what Alice said about her not wanting to be touched. If I'd been human, the brace she was wearing on her broken arm could have done some damage, but her blows were nothing to me. While I could have held onto her, I would have had to tighten my grip on her and the last thing I wanted to do was cause her further injury or pain. Worried that she might also hurt herself or further injure her broken arm or her ribs if she didn't stop, I instantly let go.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said sitting back so she would feel a bit of space between us. I felt a prickling sensation in my eyes and a tightness in my throat and chest that told me if I retained the ability to shed tears, I would be doing so now.

Still whimpering slightly, chest heaving, Bella pressed herself deeper into the chair and curled her uninjured arm around her chest. I cursed myself; from the way her breath was heaving, her still healing ribs must be hurting her.

Rose and Alice picked that moment to charge into the room. They saw me sitting on the floor with Bella huddled in the chair. I was relieved to see that her breathing had begun to slow and the whimpering had finally stopped.

"_What did you do?"_ Rose demanded silently.

I didn't respond to Rose. Instead, I continued to look at Bella, who in turn continued to look blankly off to her right.

"_You just couldn't help yourself could you?" _Rose's mind snapped._ "You had to upset her."_

Well, at least I got a response, I thought miserably, but I didn't say it.

"_I hope you know how lucky you were, Edward," _Alice's mind said to me.

"Why?" I asked quietly enough that Bella wouldn't hear me.

Alice's expression was grim. _"I had a vision of the way you held onto her arms. Normally, she starts screaming when we try and touch her like that." _

The idea that Bella might start screaming because of something I did was another punch to my chest. I don't know what I would have done if she'd actually started screaming. I probably would have started screaming right along with her.

"_Edward? Can we see you out in the hall?"_ Rose thought. It sounded more like a demand than a request.

I didn't want to go. Even if we remained in our current positions and did not speak, all I wanted to do was stay with Bella. I knew that if I just stayed with her long enough, I could somehow reach her. But at the moment, I had the feeling that Alice and Rose would fight me on that and I didn't want a scene that might further upset her.

Silently, I stood up and started for the door. I was halfway across the room when I saw the shocked look on Rose's face. She was staring in Bella's direction. I whipped around to see that Bella had moved to the side of the chair closest to me and now she was looking right at me. Her expression was almost pleading and her hand was outstretched as if she wanted to pull me back.

In that moment, my dead heart almost started beating again. Hope and relief flooded through me at the knowledge that she _was_ in there and I _could_ reach her.

I took two steps toward her. She shrank back into the chair slightly. It was as if she didn't want me to go, but was still hesitant to really acknowledge it.

"_Slowly, Edward,"_ Alice chided in my head. _"She startles easily."_

Carefully, I crossed the remaining distance between us until I was standing next to the chair. The hand she'd had outstretched had moved to wrap around her middle again, but I took it as a good sign that she continued to look up at me. There wasn't much in her expression though; she merely watched me. I didn't want to break the fragile beginning we had apparently developed, so I didn't risk trying to touch her again.

Since I currently had her full attention, I tried to make the most of my words. "I'm just going to step out in the hall to talk to Rose and Alice and then I'll be back. I'm not leaving you, Bella. I won't touch you again if you don't want me to, but I'm never leaving you again. And if it takes the rest of eternity to convince you of that and for you to speak to me again, then that's how long I'll sit with you and wait." I tried to make her smile. "But you should remember that I can wait a lot longer than you can."

Of course, she didn't smile and only continued to look up at me. After staring at her a moment longer, I reluctantly followed Alice and Rose out into the hall.

**BELLA**

As soon as the door closed behind Edward, I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Why was he here? As if it wasn't hard enough to be around his family, now I had to face seeing him too.

"_But isn't that what you wanted?" _the voice flashed into my head and I looked up to see _him_ leaning against the window.

I studied him for a moment. He looked good. But then he always looked good. Perfect even. However, every time I saw him I found myself a little surprised that he wasn't more dressed up. Not that I minded. In bare feet, tight jeans and a simple grey t-shirt he still looked positively edible. It just seemed to me that my hallucinations of Edward should be better dressed.

"_Well?" _he teased. Amusement danced in his green eyes. Yes, my 'mental' Edward had green eyes, so sue me. _"Hello? Anyone in there?"_

"_You would know better than I would, wouldn't you?"_ I replied. _"You're the one in my head."_

"_Touché," _he said._ "But you still didn't answer my question."_

I mentally sighed. I started having these internal conversations with 'mental' Edward when I was in the hospital. He'd become my therapist of sorts since I couldn't actually talk to the doctors there about the situation with the real Edward. It was a little hard to explain, but there was nothing romantic between us. I had no problem separating him from my sparkly, blood-thirsty, stupid-Volvo-driving, love-of-my-life and vampire ex-boyfriend, Edward Cullen. This Edward was just a friend and a confidant. I felt about him how I imagined I might have felt about Edward's biological brother if he'd had one.

Despite the fact that he looked like Edward, I called him 'Anthony' because it hurt less than calling him Edward and it helped to keep things straight in my head. When I first started seeing him I worried that I had gone completely crazy, but I calmed down a little when I realized that I was fully aware that he was just a hallucination in my own head. Wasn't there some old saying about the fact that if you THOUGHT you were crazy you probably weren't? Truly crazy people usually thought they were perfectly normal. I nearly laughed at that one. I was nowhere near 'normal.' I was seventeen shades of screwed up and I knew it. That must make me the sanest person around. A truly scary thought.

Then there was the fact that Anthony's presence was always so comforting to me and I felt safe with him... well except when the monster had come for me in the hospital. The monster who had hurt me. Anthony had been there in the room with me, yelling at him, but he had been powerless to stop him.

Well, at least I don't think he stopped the monster. I didn't know what else to call the man... the thing that had attacked me in the hospital. I didn't even know his name or if I had, I'd forgotten it. Much of my time in the hospital was a blurry jumble to me so I don't really know who or what saved me. One moment, the monster was there hurting me and Anthony was doing what he could to watch over me and then I was here... with the Cullens. Maybe they saved me, but I honestly didn't know.

Sometimes, the holes in my memory felt like big empty spaces that were large enough to sail the Titanic through and then other times they felt like mental land mines waiting to go off if I poked at them too hard.

"_Ah, hem..." _Anthony prompted.

"_Huh? Oh, sorry, what was the question again?" _I asked.

He rolled his eyes in exasperation. _"You wanted Edward here, didn't you? That's been your wish ever since he left, right?" _For some reason Edward's name never hurt when it came out of Anthony's mouth._ "So now you've got him. He's right outside. Why don't you just run into his arms like they do in the movies? Nightmare over, fairytale back on."_

Actually I wanted to do just that. More than I'd ever wanted anything. The gaping hole that had existed in my chest for the past few months was much smaller now, but it was still there. I knew it wouldn't close completely until I opened myself up to Edward again. Unfortunately, my own fear and insecurities wouldn't allow me to do that.

"_Oh, be serious," _I replied.

"_I am being serious," _he said._ "What's the problem?"_

"_The problem is he's here for the same reason that the rest of them are here, because he feels guilty,"_ I told him._ "In fact, they probably called him because they finally figured out how screwed up I am and didn't think they could get through to me any other way."_

Anthony considered that._ "I don't know; he seemed pretty sincere when he said he loved you and was sorry for lying to you and leaving you."_

I snorted. _"Edward can be a good actor when he needs to be." _

"_Oh, I get it. You think he's a liar and a jerk,"_ he said matter-of-factly.

"_No, of course not!" _I yelled... or at least as much as I could yell inside my own head._ "He's not like that at all. He's got a good heart and a good soul."_

"_If he's so great, then why did he leave you?"_

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. _"How many times do we have to go over this? It's not his fault. It's me. It was my fault. I wasn't enough for him."_

"_So are you saying he never loved you at all?" _Anthony asked.

"_No..._" I said slowly._ "I think he did love me in the beginning. He just got tired of me and... moved on."_

He snorted. _"You're still not giving me much reason to like the guy."_

"_I don't care if you like him or not. Just don't say anything bad about him,"_ I snapped.

"_Hey, I'm not the one who said he was a good actor," _he pointed out.

"_I wasn't saying that as a bad thing, I was just... making an observation," _I replied._ "He's had to learn how to do that to protect himself and his family. I don't hold it against him."_

Anthony was quiet for a long moment, his expression softening. "_Well, if he's such a good guy, maybe you should try talking to him. You know, just to really make sure he was just 'acting' when he said those things to you a few minutes ago about why he lied to you and left you in the forest. I mean you definitely wouldn't want to find out that he was lying to you before and is telling the truth NOW."_

I knew Anthony was trying to use some kind of reverse psychology on me, but I couldn't - wouldn't - let myself dwell on the possibility that Edward was telling the truth now. If I did, I'd start hoping again and hope wasn't really a luxury I could afford anymore. I shook my head.

"_No, I can't talk to him any more than I can talk to the rest of his family. It's bad enough that I slipped up in front of Rose and Carlisle."_

"_But you talk to me without any trouble and I'm just a variation of him," _he pointed out._ "Why won't you talk to him or any of them directly?"_

"_Because you're in my head," _I pointed out._ "You can't leave me. He can't say the same, none of them can. If I talk to them, I'll just get attached and eventually they'll leave me again." _There was more to it than that, but I wasn't going to open that can of worms, not even with Anthony.

He nodded sagely. _"Ah, I see, so we're back to your abandonment issues?"_

His comment irritated me to no end. It made me feel like I was being interviewed for some psychological textbook. I glared at him. _"When you say we're 'back to them' it implies we actually left them in the first place."_

He smirked. _"Oooo, someone's feeling feisty today."_

I went from irritated to angry. He could make me mad like no one else I knew. I crossed my arms and refused to comment further.

"_Oh, so now you're not talking to me either?" _he said, his voice was amused rather than concerned. _"The list of people you're willing to converse with is getting pretty short, Bella. When you won't even talk to your own hallucination, it might be time to pack it in."_

"_I'll talk to you when you say something worth commenting on," _I said through gritted teeth.

He sat in front of me with his back against the window. _"Okay, so you want me to say something worth responding to?"_ he mused. _"Fine. Why don't you tell me whether or not you still love him after all he's put you through?"_

"_Don't be ridiculous,"_ I said.

"_Who's being ridiculous?"_ he replied. _"It's a valid question. After everything that's happened to you since he left, it's not unreasonable to wonder how you feel about him." _

I had no trouble answering this question. _"My feelings for him will never change. I love him and I'll always love him."_

He nodded. _"Then I think you owe it to him and yourself to talk things through with him,"_ he said. _"If you talk to him long enough, you should be able figure out if he's here's out of guilt or because he really wants to be with you. But either way, at least you'll know for sure."_

I was quiet for a long time as I thought about that. _"But what if it's door number one?"_ I asked softly.

"_Door number one? What, do I look like Monty Hall?"_ he teased.

I rolled my eyes. _"You pick NOW to be a smart ass? I'm being serious here and you're cracking jokes. I thought you were supposed to be Edward's alter ego, not Emmett's."_

"_Any alter ego in the storm," _he said. _"Admit it, I keep you entertained."_

"_That's one way to put it,"_ I muttered.

"_Okay, look. If you figure out that he really is only here out of guilt, then you can go back to not talking to anyone and we can sit here and I'll teach you how to play Bridge,"_ he said.

"_I already know how to play Bridge," _I grumbled. _"Gran taught me how to play a long time ago."_

He shrugged. _"Then I'll teach you whatever you want."_

I watched him, something squeezing my heart almost to the point of pain. _"If he really wanted me to be with him, he'd change me."_

All the humor faded from Anthony's eyes and he sighed. _"Oh, Bella, I know that you see it that way, but it's not that simple for him. You're not the only one with self-esteem issues, remember?"_

Now it was my turn to sigh. _"I know, he thinks he has no soul and by changing me he thinks he'll take mine away too," _I said, repeating the argument Edward always gave me for why he wouldn't change me.

"_Yes, exactly," _Anthony said._ "There's also the fact that he doesn't want to condemn you to an eternity of blood lust."_

I was just as tired of this argument as I was of the other one. _"But it's my life, my existence... whatever. Don't I get a say? Doesn't he know I would go through anything to be with him forever?"_ I argued. _"As for the question about his soul, I know he has one. An amazing one. Why can't he just see himself like I see him?"_

Anthony's green eyes stared back at me._ "I imagine he wonders the same thing about you," _he said quietly. _"You spend all your time thinking you're not good enough. But what if you're more than good enough for him? What if you're everything to him and he really DID leave you because he thought you'd be better off without him?"_

I had no real answer for that. Again, I couldn't afford to let myself hope that Anthony might be right. If Edward had left me because he thought I'd be better off without him, then I guess it was sweet and a little amazing in a completely twisted and masochistic sort of way.

"_That's not the case," _I insisted._ "But if it was, I'd want to find a baseball bat and try to beat some sense into his head for thinking that he and I being apart was a good idea."_

Anthony grinned._ "That's the spirit. Does Edward know you have this violent streak in you?"_

"_He wouldn't see it as a violent streak. A wooden baseball bat to the head is like a love tap to him."_

"_I guess you have a point there." _He cocked his head at me and smirked._ "So are you saying you'd like to give him a love tap?"_

"_I'm not going there, Anthony," _I warned._ "He's here because he feels guilty. End of story."_

He sighed. _"You are so stubborn."_

My hallucination looked so honestly disappointed in me, I actually felt guilty. There had to be something twisted about that. Maybe I wasn't so sane after all.

"_Okay, fine,"_ I finally relented. _"I won't make you any promises, but I'll THINK about talking to him."_

He grinned widely._ "I knew you'd cave eventually."_

"_Oh, shut up," _I grumbled.

Just then, I heard the door knob turn and in the reflection on the window, I saw the bedroom door open and Edward entered the room again. He was alone now. Rose and Alice were nowhere to be seen and I wondered how far away they were. The two of them and Esme had hovered over me like mother hens since I'd been here. Actually the whole family had been hovering over me since I'd been here, including Carlisle and Emmett. Emmett had done his level best to get me to laugh and he'd looked so hurt when I hadn't responded. I still felt a little bad about that. But what he didn't understand was that I didn't laugh anymore. It hurt too much to laugh... and I didn't mean because of my injured ribs.

The only one I hadn't seen was Jasper and it worried me that my presence here might be too uncomfortable for him and he'd left. Even though I never blamed him for a moment, I was sure he felt badly about his behavior on my birthday. I just hoped that my presence here hadn't driven a wedge between him and Alice.

"_Speak of the devil," _Anthony mumbled regarding Edward's presence.

"_Knock it off," _I admonished.

"_Oh, calm down," _he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. _"We're inside your head so we're safe. He can't hear you and if he can't hear you, he REALLY can't hear me."_

Still watching Edward's reflection, his eyes met mine in the glass. I knew he'd seen me watching him in the reflection earlier so it seemed a little pointless for me to try and hide it now. He crossed the room and sat down by the window, right next to where Anthony was already sitting. Any closer and he would have been sitting on top of Anthony. With the two of them sitting together like that, they really did look like twins.

My eyes looked at Anthony as he leaned in to study Edward for a moment._ "Hmmm, he is good looking, I will give him that. If you like that underfed vampire look."_

"_Underfed?" _I said.

"_Sure. Just look at him," _Anthony said._ "He doesn't look like he's hunted in a longtime."_

I shifted my gaze back to Edward again. He did look underfed. VERY underfed. His eyes were black and the shadows under them were huge and a deeper purple than I'd ever seen them. In light of that, I was a little surprised that Edward looked so calm and relaxed as he looked up at me from his spot on the floor.

"_See what I mean?"_ Anthony softly.

I nodded. _"He looks thinner too,"_ I observed. _"I didn't even realize vampires could lose weight."_

"_You're two of a kind there."_

I shot him a glare. _"I'll eat when I feel like it."_

"_Hmmm, I'll bet he said something just like that a couple of times lately too."_

"_Would you just drop it?" _I snapped.

Anthony threw up his hands. _"Okay, okay. You don't have to be so touchy."_

I didn't want to dwell on the possibility that Edward and I were both basically starving ourselves. I knew why I was doing it, but I couldn't understand what Edward's motivation might be. There had to be another reason behind his gaunt appearance.

I looked back at Edward and I was surprised to see he was staring at me with a rather puzzled expression on his face, as if he was trying to figure out some great mystery.

"_Okay, why is he staring at me like that?" _I asked Anthony._ "It's kind of unnerving."_

"_Well, my first guess would be that he's doing it because he really missed you over the last few months, but I know you'll just say that's impossible," _Anthony replied._ "So I'm going to go with my second guess and say it's probably part of his master plan to get you to talk."_

"_How is staring at me going to get me to talk to him?"_

He shrugged. _"He probably figures that if he stares at you long enough, you'll have to speak to him when you tell him to knock it off." _

"_Well, it's not going to work,"_ I said stubbornly as looked at a point above Edward's head.

Not actually looking at Edward didn't do any good. I could still _feel_ his eyes on me. I'd always been able to sense it when he was watching me. My brain, of course, didn't help either when it began to rerun pictures of Edward both before and after he'd left.

When my memory flashed to the night of my birthday party, I suddenly realized that something had been bothering me about the clothes Edward was currently wearing and I finally figured out what it was. Even though my memory of the last few months was spotty, I was pretty sure he was still wearing at least part of the same outfit he'd been wearing that night. They were tattered and a bit dirty but they were definitely the same. Why would he still be wearing that outfit?

A rather unpleasant idea began to take root in my brain. Could it be that his 'distractions' had been so engaging that he'd forgotten to hunt or change clothes?

That idea did not sit well in my stomach.

Anthony's voice brought me back to the present._ "So, I have a question."_

"_You always have a question," _I shot back; my voice sharper than was called for.

He crossed his arms over his chest._ "Fine, be that way."_

I sighed. _"What is it?"_

"_No, never mind," _he said, not budging.

"_Oh, would just ask me the damn question already?"_

"_Well, gee, when you put it so nicely, how can I refuse?"_ he groused.

"_Anthony..."_ I all but whined.

"_Okay, fine... I just wanted to know why you smashed the bathroom mirror," _he said. _"You never did tell me."_

Well, that came out of left field. It also wasn't something I wanted to talk about, even with Anthony._ "You know, you don't have to ask me questions,"_ I evaded._ "You're in my head, you can just root around and find the answer yourself."_

"_Nah, that would be too easy," _he said with a grin._ "I like hearing you tell me instead."_

"_Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm not telling you about the thing with the mirror."_

"_Why not?" _he asked.

"_Because I don't want talk about it," _I told him.

"_Why not?"_ he repeated.

"_Oh, my God. What, are you five?"_ I said._ "I'm not talking about it so leave it alone."_

"_Spoilsport,"_ he grumbled.

"_That's me, Miss Spoilsport,_" I shot back.

"_I'm not going to give up, you know."_

"_Yeah, I know,"_ I muttered. _"But I'm not going to tell you, so get used to disappointment."_

Slowly, Edward, the real Edward, turned his head turned to the side as if he were going to address Anthony. The idea was crazy, of course, but that's what it looked like. Then he turned back to me.

"Bella? Who are you talking to?"

I froze. Oh, crap. Had he somehow heard me talking to Anthony?

TBC...

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><p>So, as I'm sure many of you have figured out, the 'twist' I mentioned at the opening of this chapter was Anthony. In the book version of <em>New Moon<em>, Edward manifests himself as a voice to Bella when she does something dangerous and in the movie version, he manifests himself as an actual visual image. I've just taken that idea and changed it slightly. In my story, Anthony shows up more than just when Bella is going to do something dangerous. He serves as her therapist more than anything else and her discussions with him help to reveal what's going on in her head. When she talks to him, she does not speak out loud in the traditional sense and the conversations go on inside her mind. What she doesn't realize though is that she is unconsciously moving her lips when she talks to him. That is what Edward, Rose and others have noticed when they are watching her. Anthony won't play a huge part in the story, he was kind of a crutch for Bella while Edward was gone but now that Edward's back, Anthony will not be around as much.

Oh, also, for those of you from another country or that are too young to know this, Anthony's comment to Bella about not being 'Monty Hall', refers to the fact that Monty Hall was the host of an old game show called "Let's Make a Deal."

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><p>Next week, more of Edward trying to communicate with Bella. Also, Alice has an important vision that has her asking to speak to Carlisle alone so she can ask for his help.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. As long as you don't have your private messaging feature disabled, I've been trying to reply to all the reviews as quickly as I can. The reviews for this story have exceeded 100 which thrills me to no end!

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><p>One quick thing...<p>

All the feedback I've gotten about Anthony has been very positive, so thank you for putting my mind at ease about him.

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><p>To recap chapter 7, Edward tried talking to Bella but she didn't give him much of a response, except to reach out to him when he started to leave the room to go out into the hall to talk to Alice and Rose. While he was out in the hall, Bella started talking to Anthony in her head. Edward came back into the room and saw her moving her lips as she talked to Anthony and he asked her who she was talking to. Chapter 8 backs up a few minutes to pick up the conversation between Edward, Alice and Rose out in the hallway.<p>

_**Chapter 8**_

_**A few minutes earlier out in the hall...**_

**ROSE**

Not trusting him to close the door on us and lock us in the hall, I let Edward and Alice walk out into the hall first and then I closed the door behind us so Bella wouldn't hear our conversation.

"What the hell just happened?" I demanded in a low voice.

I still couldn't believe Bella had reached out to Edward like that. Given the nearly catatonic state she'd been in since she'd been here, I couldn't have been more surprised if she'd gotten up and started dancing the polka.

"I take it she's never done anything like that before?" Edward asked us.

Alice replied first. "No, except for when she apparently talked to Rose and Carlisle those two times, she's never been so animated before." Then she turned to me with a smug grin on her face. "See, I told you that him being here was a good thing."

I gave them both a withering glance. I wasn't as eager as Alice was to jump on the 'Edward-is-good-for-Bella' bandwagon.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far, but... I will admit that what Bella just did was a positive step." I sent Edward a steely glare. "But if you even think about leaving her again or doing anything else that might set her back..."

"I won't," he said with the utmost confidence. "I'm here for the duration, Rose. I'm not leaving Bella again."

I regarded him for a long moment. "Actions speak louder than words, Edward."

He didn't even hesitate. "In that case, you don't have to believe my words, because you'll see first hand that I mean what I say."

I almost said 'you got that right,' but Alice spoke before I could. Not that it mattered; Edward would have heard it in my thoughts anyway.

"Edward, how was your thirst?" Alice asked him. "I didn't see you having any trouble, but I just wanted to make sure."

"I was in complete control the whole time," I insisted. "It really wasn't a struggle."

I was still skeptical; after all, I didn't see how a vampire that was as underfed as he was could resist the pull of Bella's blood.

"How is that possible?" I demanded. "You haven't fed for so long and I thought her blood was even more enticing to you than other humans?"

He looked at me for a long moment. "It's possible because when I found out that she was missing, I had to face the idea that she might be dead." His expression turned intense. "After that, everything else pales by comparison."

Okay, even I had to admit that was a pretty good answer. Despite the fact that he must have heard that observation in my thoughts his expression never changed.

"Fine. But if you don't hunt sometime in the near future, I'm going to have Emmett and Jasper drag your ass out into the forest and force feed you," I promised.

"I'll get around to hunting eventually," he said.

I didn't believe him for a minute and I made a mental note to talk to Emmett about following through with my threat in the next few days. I saw a flash of challenge in Edward's eyes so he must have heard my thoughts, but he didn't say anything.

"_Don't give me that look," _I mentally snapped._ "You know they'll back me up if it protects Bella._"

That took some of the heat out of his eyes. He seemed to realize that my only priority was Bella's safety and well-being.

"I'm fine, Rose," he said.

I looked him over. "So you keep saying."

His lips were drawn in a tight line. "Can I get back to Bella now?" he said, mild irritation coloring his voice.

"Sure. Just remember, I'm not going to be far away," I told him.

"As if you'd let me forget." He seemed more resigned than angry at my words as he turned to Alice. "Are you going to babysit me too?" he asked her.

Alice's answer surprised me. "Actually, since it looks like you're not going to attack Bella or steal her away in the middle of the night, I'm going to go talk to Carlisle about something," she said a little cryptically. Of course with Alice we were used to cryptic.

I couldn't tell if Edward could read her thoughts or not. Before either of us could actually ask her out loud what she wanted to talk to Carlisle about, she turned and disappeared down the hallway. Edward watched her go, frowning slightly, but otherwise gave no indication of what he was or was not hearing from her. Of all of us, Alice was the best at being able to block him out of her head for an extended period of time.

Hardening my expression, I turned back to Edward. "I don't need her around to keep you in line," I promised him. "Don't think I won't come in there if I even suspect that you're doing something to hurt or upset Bella."

From the look in his eye, I knew he wanted to tell me to butt out or go out and play in traffic, but when he spoke, he didn't say anything of the sort.

"What's really your interest in all this, Rosalie?" he snapped with a low hiss. "You've never been very welcoming or kind to Bella in the past. What's changed?"

I knew I didn't need to explain myself to him, but oddly, part of me wanted to do just that. Consequently, I found myself speaking before I'd even thought of what to say.

"What's changed now is that Bella, Alice and I all know what it's like to be hurt by someone we love and to have that someone take our choices away."

I could tell that my jab found its mark and he knew I was talking about him. "I deserve that," he said hanging his head a bit.

"Yes, you do," I agreed unrepentantly. "And I want to protect Bella from that ever happening again."

"Believe it or not, I do too, Rose."

Suddenly tired of trading jabs with him, I sighed and relaxed my rigid stance.

"Look Edward, I know that, most of the time, you think of me as a cast iron bitch and I suppose I can't argue with you there. But, you see, Bella and I are in a rather exclusive club now. One that even Alice isn't a member of. One that, once you're in... what's the line from that old song, 'you can check out, but you can never leave'?"

He nodded but I could see he had yet to understand where my thoughts and words were going so I continued.

"We both know what it feels like to have someone use their fists to break us into tiny pieces simply because they can. Because they're bigger and stronger and they want to crush and take and use. Even if she becomes one of us someday, Bella will likely remember some part of the bewildering pain and numbing fear of her experience in the hospital. The small silver lining to the situation, if you can call it that, was that luckily, Alice and I got there in time so Bella didn't have to experience quite everything that I went through..."

My mind threatened to go back to that night on the cold ground, the last night of my human life, but I forced myself away from it. I didn't have to say the word 'rape' out loud anyway. Edward would see it in my thoughts. From the somewhat broken look on his face, I could see that he knew exactly what Alice and I had saved Bella from.

"On the other hand..." I went on. "...as soon as Carlisle's venom worked it's way through me and I finally woke up, physically I was perfect and my human memories had already begun to fade somewhat... although I did hold onto enough of them to take care of Royce and the other animals that hurt me," I told him smugly and without apology before my expression softened slightly. "But Bella didn't have that luxury. When she woke up it was to pain, bruises, the fear and humiliation of what had been done to her, and facing her injuries head-on with her human memory perfectly intact. I'm sorry for that. Sorry that we didn't get there in time to spare her that."

I suppose it was irrational, but I felt anger rise in me again and I didn't stop to analyze if it was really directed at myself or Edward. I looked at him, my eyes hard again. Our little truce was over. I was done explaining myself.

"So you'll forgive me, Edward, if I happen to give a rat's ass about what happens to her."

What he said next took me by surprise.

"I'm glad that you do," he whispered quietly. "As much as you and I don't always get along, Rose, I'm glad Bella has you and that you were there when I failed her."

His last comment irritated me and I resisted the urge to hit him in the head. "Edward, you need to stop focusing on your guilt over what happened and focus on Bella. Wallowing in your own guilt doesn't do her any good. When she's healthy again you can apologize and grovel and spend the rest of her life making it up to her, but right now, and I can't believe I'm saying this, she needs you."

He seemed to give what I said considerable thought. "You're right, of course, Bella is the priority."

I folded my arms. "Fine, then get back in there and fix her already. Alice needs her back."

And so do I, I added silently before I could stop myself. He must have heard it in my thoughts, but he didn't comment. Instead of saying anything else, I gave him a little shove toward the bedroom. He stopped before he opened the door and turned back to me.

"Thank you again, Rose, for everything."

I didn't like it when he thanked me. It made me feel like we were 'bonding' or something and that idea always made me vaguely twitchy. Arguing and snapping at him was so much easier.

"Whatever, just don't make me regret letting you be alone with her," I told him.

"I won't."

With that he opened the door and stepped into the bedroom again, closing the door behind him.

"You better not," I muttered through gritted teeth. "Or I'll have Emmett rip both your arms off."

**EDWARD**

Stepping back into Bella's room, I saw her watching me in the window reflection again but this time she didn't look away when our eyes met in the glass. That alone felt like a tiny victory to me. As it had every time I was close to her, Bella's scent washed over me and it made the burn in my throat flare with agonizing brilliance. By sheer force of will, I shoved it down. There was no way I would let it overcome my instinct to protect and care for her.

So as to not startle her, I kept my pace and movements slow as I crossed the room and I sat down in front of her with my back against the wall of windows. No longer needing to watch me in the window reflection, her eyes focused on me directly. She remained silent as she looked at me, but I still took it as another victory that she was acknowledging me with her eyes if nothing else. It was so wonderful to simply get to see her face again; I knew that I could sit here like this for years; decades even, and just drink in the sight of her.

Her eyes studied me for a moment, but I couldn't read anything from her expression. It was then that I noticed something. Every so often, her lips would move slightly. At first, I thought they were trembling because she was going to cry, but I didn't smell the salt from gathering tears like I usually did when that happened and I didn't see any other sign of impending tears. It occurred to me then that in none of the images I'd seen of her in Charlie's mind or my family's, had I ever seen Bella crying. While I didn't want to see her cry, I found that a little curious.

Putting that somewhat unsettling observation off to the side in my mind, I went back to studying the way her lips were moving. I recalled Rose saying something about seeing Bella's lips move almost like someone who moved their lips in time with the words when they were reading and as I continued to watch her, I realized that was a very apt description. However, aside from the fact that she didn't have a book in her hands, I'd seen Bella reading many times and I knew that she didn't move her lips when she read. My next thought was that she was trying to speak in a whisper, but that didn't really make sense either as she made no sound. Even my vampire ears could pick up nothing but the sound of her breathing and her heartbeat.

I thought about trying to say something to her, question her, but I found myself puzzled and a little fascinated by what she was doing so I just kept watching her. Her eyes would shift between me and the space next to me almost as if someone was sitting there beside me. I felt a little foolish, but at one point I actually turned to look to my left just to make sure there wasn't anyone or anything there. There was nothing but air, of course, and it didn't give me any clues as to why she kept looking at that spot.

And then there was her expression. While it was very much muted from what I was used to seeing from her, I watched Bella's expression shift along with her eyes. Mild puzzlement, curiosity, and concern flashed over her face when she looked at me. Irritation, annoyance and even an eye roll or two flashed over her face when she looked at the spot next to me. It was almost as if she were arguing with someone. At one point, she even went a little pale and a slightly green, almost as if something had made her vaguely ill.

However, never once did I see even a hint of a smile cross her face.

The only conclusion that I could come up with was that she was talking to someone and I didn't think it was me. In fact, while I could tell she was aware of me, my presence seemed to be incidental to whatever conversation she was having. Yes, she was definitely speaking to someone.

Unfortunately, my conclusion did nothing to help me figure what she was saying or who she was saying it to. Because her mouth was only moving slightly, I didn't even think someone who could read lips would have been able to tell what she was saying. It was more like she was silently mumbling and it made me wonder if her mind was not more damaged than Carlisle and the others had thought.

And yet, she had seemed lucid and aware enough when she reached out to me earlier. It was all very baffling to me.

My frustration and curiosity finally got the better of me and I voiced my question. "Bella? Who are you talking to?"

Instantly, her lips stilled, her eyes widened in surprise and she stiffened. Her expression was now one of almost panic, like a deer trapped in a snare.

"It's all right, Bella. You don't need to be afraid," I said keeping my tone soft and gentle as I asked my question again. "Can you tell me who you're talking to?"

No response. She didn't so much as move and her expression was still fearful, so I did what I could to reassure her.

"Don't worry, I couldn't hear what you were saying, I just saw your lips moving," I told her.

Her body immediately relaxed and her expression was clearly relieved, but her lips pressed themselves together in a light line as if she was making sure they weren't moving now. It led me to believe that she hadn't even known they were moving. It also made me even more curious about just what she had been saying. I was fairly certain that if I had been able to understand what she had been saying, I would have been a lot closer to figuring out what was going on in her head.

"I don't suppose you want to tell me what you were saying?" I asked thinking it couldn't hurt for me to take the direct approach.

I didn't get a response, nor did I expect to, and her eyes were fixed on a point somewhere above my head.

"No, I didn't think so." I sighed. "Please, Bella, won't you talk to me?" I knew I was begging, but I had no pride left where she was concerned. Not any more. "I'll do anything. You don't have to tell me what you were just saying. We can talk about anything you want."

Still no response.

And yet...

As I watched, her eyes slowly lowered to mine and she finally looked at me. Her expression was almost... apologetic. If she hadn't spoken to Rose and Carlisle, I'd almost think she was physically incapable of speaking and was sorry for it. In any case, I could see that at least part of her was sorry that she wasn't speaking and it was yet another piece that I could throw on the growing pile of hope that I was accumulating where she was concerned.

I reached out to touch her leg and while she didn't flinch away as I reached for her, I remembered my promise to her earlier about not touching her, so I pulled my hand back. "Don't worry, Bella, I meant what I said, I'm here to stay. I won't touch you if you don't want me to and you don't have to talk to me, but I'm not leaving."

What happened next stabbed at my dead heart. Her eyes turned sad and so defeated that it was almost physically painful to look at her. I knew I had been the one to put that look in her eyes and that knowledge tore at me.

But I swore on my very existence that I would also be the one to make sure that she never had a reason to look like that again.

**BELLA**

Anthony had disappeared as soon as Edward had asked who I was talking to. The big coward. Ha, well, that was the pot calling the kettle black, wasn't it? At least he spoke his mind when he was around; I couldn't say the same thing... literally. In any case, now I was sitting here alone with Edward without even my hallucination as a buffer. What the heck was I supposed to do now? Had Edward really heard me? I couldn't help but panic over the idea.

How was I going to get out of this? I had to think.

"Don't worry," Edward said as if he'd read my panicked thoughts. "I couldn't hear what you were saying; I just saw your lips moving."

I felt every muscle in my body relax at once. But wait, my lips had been moving? I hadn't even realized that. I guess I wasn't as deeply inside my head as I'd thought. I pressed my lips tightly together now to stop myself from 'saying' anything else.

"I don't suppose you want to tell me what you were saying?" he asked.

Nope, I didn't plan on giving him that information any time soon. Instead, I focused my eyes determinedly over his head. If I could stop myself from looking at his eyes, maybe I stood a chance of keeping my mouth shut and my heart in one battered piece.

"No, I didn't think so." He sighed. "Please, Bella, won't you talk to me? I'll do anything. You don't have to tell me what you were just saying. We can talk about anything you want. Just talk to me."

I hated that he was begging. I really did. I didn't want him begging. I wasn't keeping silent to punish him. I just didn't want to talk. Couldn't he understand that?

Trying to not look at him didn't do any good; I could still _feel_ his eyes on me. Even after all the time apart and all that had happened, I was drawn to him as surely as gravity pulls a falling object to earth. Against my better judgment, my eyes slowly lowered to his face. As I suspected, he was looking at me. More than looking, he was staring at me with eyes that were dark and hungry. I knew they were like that largely because he had not hunted or fed for a while, but there was something else in the dark depths. Something that I thought was a hunger for more than just my blood, but if that was the case it didn't make any sense to me. That day in the forest he'd said he didn't want me, how could he _want_ me now when I was broken and wouldn't even speak to him?

I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for all the trouble I'd caused and all the turmoil I'd brought to his family. To be honest, in that moment I was honestly sorry that I couldn't speak... wouldn't speak. Sorry that he'd had to come back and try to fix me. But being the stubborn person I was, I still couldn't bring myself to actually say the words or force myself to change how I was handling things and so I remained silent.

He reached out to me then, his hand moving toward my leg. For the first time in a long time, I didn't have to force myself not to flinch away from even the anticipation of someone's touch. Truth be told, I wanted him to touch me. Even if it was just a simple touch against my leg. But then, just as I was expecting, almost craving his touch, he pulled his hand back and dropped it back into his lap.

"Don't worry, Bella, I meant what I said, I'm here to stay. I won't touch you if you don't want me to and you don't have to talk to me, but I'm not leaving."

My crushing sense of disappointment caused pain to ripple around the edges of the invisible but still open wound in my chest. I could hardly blame him for not wanting to touch me. I'd freaked out so badly when he'd touched me before that I couldn't fault him for his restraint now. Then there was the fact that I was damaged now, probably beyond repair and he had been forced to come back here and deal with me.

It wasn't hard to imagine that touching me wasn't high on his list right now.

TBC...

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><p>Sorry, this chapter was a little shorter than most. Also, I spoke too soon about Alice seeking out Carlisle. Obviously, that wasn't in this chapter but I promise it will be in chapter 9. See you next week!<p> 


	9. Chapter 9 REPOST

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. It's been a crazy week and I'm sorry but I'm terribly behind in replying to your reviews, but rest assured that I read and treasure each one of them.

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><p>Last week as Rose and Edward talking out in the hall while Alice went off to talk to Carlisle. Then Edward was talking to Bella and while she didn't actually respond to him all that much, she felt rejected when Edward refused to touch her.<p>

This is another short chapter, but there is a bit of suspense near the end. Sorry, but there is no Bella and Edward (or Anthony) in this one, there's just Alice and Carlisle in this chapter.

Sorry about having to repost this chapter, I messed up on the year Alice was changed. Thanks to Twilight Mom of Two for pointing out the error (my face is so RED).

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 9<strong>_

**ALICE**

After I left Rose and Edward arguing in the hall, I went downstairs to Carlisle's study. Seeing him behind his desk, nose buried in a thick medical book, I paused in the doorway. I'd been both anticipating and dreading some of what I wanted to talk to him about.

"Just a moment, Alice," he said without looking up. Of course, he wasn't at all surprised to see me as he would have heard me coming.

"No problem," I told him as he continued to read for another 30 seconds. Then he closed the book and looked up at me as he set it aside.

"Sorry, I was just looking through some psychology textbooks I had to try and see if I should be doing something different with Bella," he explained.

I nodded. That was part of what I wanted to talk to him about. Actually Bella played a part to one degree or another in everything I wanted to talk to Carlisle about. I know most people think I'm usually very talkative, and I suppose they'd be right, but now I was finding myself a little tongue tied over exactly what I should say to him.

He frowned a little at my silence. "Alice?" he prompted. "Did you need something?"

"Um, yes, Carlisle. I need to run an errand and I was hoping you'd come with me."

His frown shifted from concern to surprised confusion. I could understand his surprise. After all, my errands usually involved shopping and Carlisle wasn't really the shopping trip type unless it was something special for Esme or an occasion like Christmas.

"Of course, Alice," he said rising from his chair and pulling on his coat.

That was one of the things I loved about Carlisle. He didn't ask a lot of unnecessary questions. When he sensed something was important he was there for you even if he didn't quite understand everything right at the moment. It helped that he was also incredibly observant and perceptive enough that he usually filled in the blanks pretty quickly on his own anyway.

He followed me downstairs to where Jasper was playing a video game with Emmett. "Jasper, I have to go run an errand with Carlisle, we shouldn't be gone too long."

Jasper paused the game, making Emmett let loose with a few colorful comments that Jasper ignored. He looked at me for a long moment and I could see in his expression he'd read the mild apprehension in my emotions.

"Is everything okay?" he asked carefully.

"Don't worry, Jasper, everything's fine," I told him and I also knew he would be able to tell that it wasn't a lie. There really wasn't anything wrong; I just needed to talk to Carlisle without five other sets of super sensitive ears listening in.

"Do you want me to come along?" he asked carefully.

"No, no," I told him. "You stay here and play with Emmett."

I could see from his expression he wanted to come with us, but he also trusted me enough that he wouldn't force the issue and that was something I loved him for. Wow, first Carlisle and now Jasper, I was apparently all about the love today.

Leaning down, I kissed him lightly. "Don't worry, we'll be back soon."

He nodded and reluctantly turned back to the game when Emmett threatened to remove one of his appendages if he didn't un-pause the game.

Carlisle started for one of the sliding glass doors that would lead out to the woods beyond the house, but I stopped him. "I thought we'd take the car," I told him. "Would you mind driving?"

"No, I don't mind at all," he said, retrieving his keys on our way out to garage. We slid into his Mercedes and pulling out of the garage, he headed down the driveway. "So where to, Alice?"

I considered the question. "Would you mind driving out to the marina?"

"The marina, it is," he said looking surprised but making no further comment as he made the turn that would take us in the right direction.

We drove quietly for a while. Carlisle didn't ask any questions, although I knew that he would eventually and I was trying to gather my thoughts.

Not far from downtown Ithaca, situated on the south end of Cayuga Lake, the Allan H. Treman State Marine Park was one of the largest inland marinas in all of New York State and was really quite beautiful. It was connected to Lake Ontario by the Erie Canal and to Seneca Lake by the Seneca River. Both the north and south ends of Lake Cayuga were dominated by shallow mud flats and marshes that served as an important stopover for migratory birds. Both areas were also shallow enough that they froze in the winter time. Jasper and I had come down here when we'd first moved here to watch the birds and then in December when much of it was frozen over.

Carlisle pulled into an open space in the marina's parking lot and turned off the engine. "If you don't mind me asking, what errand could you possibly have at the marina?" He smiled. "Unless you're buying a boat or something along those lines, but I don't recall Jasper or anyone else in the family taking an interest in boating."

"No, it's nothing like that," I said then sighed. "My errand was to talk to you about a few things."

"And you couldn't do that back at the house?" he said with a somewhat bemused expression.

"No, not really, not without everyone in the house listening in."

He frowned a little now. "Should I be worried?" he asked. "Is something wrong? Have you seen something that has you concerned?"

"No, it's nothing like that. Nothing is wrong... exactly," I hesitated.

"Well, when you say it like that I definitely get worried," he said. "What's going on, Alice?"

"Do you mind if we get out of the car?" I asked. "I'd like to walk a little. We can talk then."

He watched me for a moment, and then nodded. We both climbed out of the car. Being the gentleman that he was, he held out his arm to me and I looped mine through his as we followed a path leading away from the parking lot and out along the wooded shoreline. Given that it was the middle of the week and still a bit chilly for most people to be out walking, we didn't see anyone as we made our way along the lake.

"So, Alice, now that you've piqued my curiosity, what's on your mind?" he prompted, sounding very paternal.

"Actually there are a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about," I began.

"Okay," he said.

"Well, the first thing I've been meaning to talk to you about this ever since Rose and I brought Bella home," I began. "But I've been putting it off because the time just never seemed right to bring it up and because I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer or not."

"You're stalling, Alice," he said.

I sighed. "I know. Sorry, this subject is just a little strange for me." Out of habit rather than actual need for oxygen, I took a deep breath and let it out. "I noticed something on Bella's head when you were examining her that first day."

He frowned and I could see he was bringing the day back up in his mind and what he saw on her body during her examination. "What are you referring to exactly?"

"She had two small circular patches on the right side of her head, where it looked like the hair had been shaved off a few weeks before."

Carlisle nodded. "The patches were from where they attached the electrodes to her head for the electroconvulsive therapy. What about them?"

I said the words quickly. "When I saw them it made me wonder if they matched the shaved patches I have on my head?"

Dropping my arm, he stopped in the middle of the path and turned to face me. His eyes had gone wide from surprise at my idea. I assumed the next words out of his mouth were going to be that there was no way the patches on Bella's head and mine could be related. After all, our two experiences in the hospital were roughly a hundred years apart, the chance they were related seemed pretty remote.

"You know, I never thought of that," he said surprising the heck out of me. "Lean closer so I can see your scalp."

I turned my head slightly so he could see under the edge of my hair. Even though it was unnecessary because he knew right where they were, I still showed him the spots on both sides of my head.

"They're here..." I said. "...and here."

His fingers traced the round patches. "Hmmm, maybe," he murmured.

Now it was my turn to be surprised. "Really?"

He stepped back and looked at me. "It certainly would fit the patterns cut into your hair and it would definitely explain a lot about your human memory loss. One of the biggest drawbacks to electroconvulsive therapy is the memory problems it causes before, during and after the treatments. This was especially prevalent in the early days of treatment when the therapy was so often misused."

I frowned. "Misused?"

He nodded. "Do you remember that Bella only had two patches shaved into her hair and they were both on her right side?"

"Yes, I remember," I replied even though I didn't know where he going with his question.

"Well, early on, much of the work done with electroconvulsive therapy was trial and error. They had to experiment with different amperage and voltage settings, and duration and frequency of treatment. They also didn't think to sedate the patient so it was generally more traumatic and they usually applied the electrodes to the head bilaterally."

The light clicked on for me. "Meaning on both sides of the head, like mine."

Carlisle nodded. "Memory loss and confusion are more pronounced with bilateral electrode placement rather than unilateral placement."

"Unilateral meaning one side of the head?" I supplied. "Like Bella?"

He smiled. "Exactly, although there is some debate about the bilateral application being more effective, after years of study, they found that using unilateral electrode placement was still effective and when given on only the right side of the head it reduced verbal memory disturbance. The theory is that there is less disturbance due largely to the fact that the major speech centers are contained in the left side of the brain, so if the treatment is given on the right it offers some protection to the left side of the brain."

"That's why Bella's were on the right side of her head," I surmised.

"Yes. In modern application of the therapy, that's the most common usage."

"So, you think I DID have the treatments?"

"Well, it seems like a logical conclusion, but..." He rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. "...the only thing that confuses me is the timing."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean electroconvulsive therapy wasn't put into widespread practice until the 1930's and we know you were changed in 1920," he explained.

"So it would be impossible then," I said a little deflated.

I had been hoping that if my hunch turned out to be correct, it might be some sort of bond between Bella and me. Something that even Rosalie wouldn't be able to claim. Something I might be able to use to reach out to Bella with.

"No, I didn't mean that at all," he said.

I was beginning to feel a little like a tennis ball being bandied back and forth between hope and disappointment.

"Carlisle, could you make up your mind, please? I'm starting to go a little crazy here," I pleaded. "Is it possible that I had the same type of treatments Bella had or not?"

"Sorry, Alice, I don't mean to be confusing, it's just that I'll have to do some more research to be sure, but given all the evidence we've seen, I think it's likely that you did undergo electroconvulsive therapy at some point during your hospitalization," he said.

"But you said..."

"I know, the timing is off," he told me. "But the first electric motor was invented in 1821, which means electricity was in use when you were still human, at least in one form or another. It's possible that the hospital you were in or the doctors associated with it were using the therapy on an experimental or trial basis. If they used too high a dosage because they didn't know any better, it would give further credence to why your memory of your human life is gone. Repeated treatments using overly high dosages could have easily given you some level of brain damage. While your vampire change would have repaired the physical damage to your brain tissue, it wouldn't have been able to give you back your memories. To put it in today's terms it would be like a power surge damaging the hard drive of a computer. While the hard drive could be fixed, the files that were destroyed are gone forever."

"Oh," I said not quite knowing what to say.

He looked a little sad for a moment. "I'm sorry, Alice. I know you had hopes of getting your memory back someday."

"It's all right, Carlisle," I told him and actually it was. "I have a feeling there are a lot of things I'm lucky I don't remember. I doubt my time in the hospital was a very pleasant and even if there were happy memories from my human life, it's not like I know what I'm missing, right?" I mustered up a smile. "Besides, I have a great life now and lots of memories with Jazz and all of you that I remember perfectly."

He hugged me. "Yes, you do, Alice and I know that there will be many more wonderful memories to come."

I hugged him back. He really had become the only father I'd ever known... or at least remembered. "Thank you, Carlisle."

He took my arm again as we resumed our walk down the path. "So what else is on your mind?"

"As you probably already know, things went really well with Bella and Edward today. The fact that she acknowledged him and reached out for him was a huge step for her."

He nodded. "Yes, it's very encouraging. Just as we thought all along, Edward appears to be the key to her recovery."

I couldn't keep a slight frown from my face. "Yes, he is but... it's strange."

"What is?" he asked.

"I still can't see what's going to happen for them long term. I thought that maybe once there was some sign from her, some reaction to him that said she was going to come out of this depression, I would see their future clear up."

"But that hasn't happened?" he guessed.

"No!" I said in frustration. "I still see flashes of them together, but it's always shifting as if there are too many decisions yet to be made or as if someone keeps changing their mind."

"Do you have any idea who's making these decisions or changing their mind?"

I considered my answer before I spoke. "My first instinct is to say, Bella and maybe Edward depending on what Bella decides, but..."

"But what?" he prompted when I didn't continue.

I paused, knowing it wasn't going to make much sense. "I keep seeing something in my visions. It's like a shadow in everything I see for them."

He clearly read my distress. "What is it?"

"Red," I told him.

"Red? You mean like blood?"

"No, not blood, it's hard to explain," I said slightly frustrated. "It's more like a tiny red ribbon woven through each each image."

He frowned. "A ribbon? I don't understand, Alice. What could that mean?"

I hesitated to tell him the next part. It was really just a suspicion on my part and I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily. On the other hand, it really troubled me and I felt like I needed to tell someone.

"I think the ribbon is just a symbol. My visions work like that sometimes. Normally they're literal, but on occasion they're more symbolic or are a combination of the two. In this case, I think the ribbon represents red hair." I stopped there and waited to see if Carlisle picked up on what I was trying to say.

I could see from the expression on his face, he did. "Victoria," he breathed. "Victoria's red hair."

I nodded. "I could be wrong because I don't actually SEE her in my visions, but it's what I keep feeling. I know we haven't heard anything from her since Edward tracked her to Texas, but somehow I think she's involved or will be involved in things somehow." I sighed. "I wish I could tell you more than that."

Carlisle looked out over the still waters of the lake. "I wish you could too, but even knowing she might come back is valuable. We'll have to be on guard for her. From what Laurent told us, she enjoyed games almost as much as James did." He turned back to me. "What exactly are you seeing in your visions?"

"Mostly, it's Bella and Edward together with her human or them together and she's like us."

"Do you see what might happen to change her?" Carlisle asked. "Is that what Victoria does?"

"I don't know... maybe. I can't be sure because I don't see that part. It's more I like I see her before and after." I paused. "You know, I used to see Bella changed, like us, all the time. She was beautiful, happy, it was as clear as a bell, but the day we all left her, that vision evaporated. Even the flashes I'm getting now are not the same."

"You mean she's been changed, but she's not happy?"

"No, it's not that, I do see her smile, it's just different than before. Before she was so carefree, now I see her smile, but she's more serious. I suppose part of that is due to everything she's been through since we left her."

"That would make sense," Carlisle agreed. "What's she's been through in the last few months will always affect her, whether she's a human or a vampire."

I nodded. "I also see flashes of Edward broken and alone in Italy, although I don't see why he'd be there."

Carlisle frowned. "Italy?"

I caught something in his tone. "Does Italy mean something to you?"

He looked at me, his eyes grave. "The Volturi are in Italy, Alice," he said quietly.

I brought my hand to my mouth to smother a gasp. I hadn't made that connection before. "He'd go there to die, wouldn't he?" I guessed.

"Yes, I believe he would," Carlisle replied. "If something happened to Bella and she didn't make it, I believe he would want to die too. Knowing that he'd never get us or the Denali's to kill him, his next logical choice would be the Volturi."

"We can't let that happen, Carlisle!" I insisted. "We have to save both of them."

He squeezed my arm. "We will Alice. We'll do everything possible to save them."

I took a moment to calm myself down, and then I told him the next thing I'd seen. The part that I felt was the most important.

"Carlisle, there is something else. I can't tell you when exactly, but in the next couple of days there's going to be an... altercation."

Worry flooded his expression. "What kind of altercation? You mean with Victoria?"

"No. Between Edward, Jasper, and Emmett."

He relaxed slightly. "I assume you mean more than their usual wrestling and trying to beat the tar out of each other?"

"Yes," I said not wanting to elaborate further.

"Can you tell me what causes it?" He asked.

"I don't want to go into detail because I'm worried that Edward will see it. And I'm asking you try to keep this conversation out of your thoughts so he doesn't hear it either," I told him.

"All right, if you think it's for the best."

I hesitated on the next part since I knew he wouldn't be happy about it. "And I need you to promise that you won't tell anyone that I've told you about it."

He frowned. "Alice, you know I don't keep things from Esme."

"Just for a few days, please Carlisle," I begged. "Then you can tell her everything. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't told Jasper either and you know I normally tell him everything. It's just that... well, for right now, I think that the fewer people who know about this, the better. I'm afraid that if too many people know, it could change things and not for the better."

He considered that. "Okay. I don't really like it, but if it's only for a couple of days, then I guess I don't see the harm in agreeing to it." He sighed. "So what do you want me to do? How can I stop this... altercation, as you put it?"

"No, Carlisle, that's just it," I said, knowing this was going to sound crazy. "I need to make sure that you DON'T stop it."

His frown deepened. "What do you mean? You WANT the boys to fight?"

"No, of course not, but in this case, it's important that things unfold the way they're supposed to," I said. "I can't explain it any more than that right now."

"Can't or won't?" he asked.

I looked at him and decided to go with the truth. "Won't. You just need to trust me on this, Carlisle."

"I do trust you, Alice, but isn't there anything else you can tell me?"

I tried to think of something that might reassure him. "I promise that no one will get hurt," I said.

"That's something, I guess," he said, appearing to relax as he looked at me for a long moment. "All right, as long as you're sure it's that important, I won't interfere."

"It's not just important, Carlisle," I told him. "I think that everything, including Bella's life, depends on it."

TBC...

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><p>Next week, the mysterious confrontation between Edward, Emmett and Jasper and a surprising development with Bella. Thanks for reading! See you then!<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. I hang my head in shame over the fact that I haven't been as vigilant as I should be about sending everyone a reply back. My life is a bit crazy right now and time keeps slipping away from me. But please know that I read and treasure each one of them.

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><p>Last week we saw Carlisle and Alice talking about a number of things at the marina. Among them were Alice's visions of Victoria, Alice's human past in the asylum, and Alice asking Carlisle not to interfere in an altercation she see's coming between Emmett, Jasper and Edward.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 10<strong>_

**CARLISLE**

"We need to do something," Rose insisted. "It's been three days."

It was late morning and Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and I were assembled in a small clearing. We were far enough away from the house that Edward couldn't hear us or our thoughts. Rose had called this family meeting to discuss the situation with Bella and Edward. Because Rose didn't trust Edward to be left alone with Bella, Esme had volunteered to stay back at the house with the two of them while the rest of us 'hunted' or in this case, had a family meeting.

"I think you're over-reacting, Rose," I said.

"Am I?" she said defensively. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know Edward's hunger is off the chart."

"And just how would you suggest we remedy that if he doesn't want to cooperate?" I asked her in frustration.

"If we're going to protect Bella, we need to force him to go out and feed. Even though he won't tell us when he hunted the last time, it's clear that it's been too long. If he was thinking clearly, he'd agree with me, but he's so focused on waiting for her to say something that all he does is sit in the corner of her room. I'm worried that it's going to get to be too much for him and he'll attack her either out of frustration or thirst. He could easily kill her before we could stop him."

Her summary of what Edward had been doing for the last three days was a little simplistic. Actually he'd split his time between sitting in front of Bella and trying, unsuccessfully, to get her to speak or at least react in some way again, and occupying a corner of her room like a silent sentinel. He'd also taken over her medical care, always putting her to bed when she fell asleep in the chair and setting up her IV and her intravenous feedings. He'd been attentive to her in every way she would let him.

"But Alice hasn't seen him doing anything like that," I argued. "Have you, Alice?"

Rather than the answer I was expecting, Alice gave me an odd look. "It's unclear," she said. "I don't know what he's going to do. Maybe we should listen to Rose."

Her answer really surprised me. Until very recently, Alice had been Edward's biggest supporter, especially against Rose's often acerbic comments.

Jasper spoke up before I could question Alice further. "Rose, I don't think that any of us are disagreeing with you about the fact that Edward needs to feed, but do you have a specific plan in mind for actually getting him to do it? I can almost guarantee you he won't just follow meekly along because we ask him to come with us."

"I was thinking we'd go with the direct approach," Rose replied. "I know it's hard for you to be around Bella for very long, Jasper, but I thought you and Emmett could go in there and drag his ass out into the forest and make him feed. I already told him that's exactly what we'd do if he didn't feed on his own."

"It's not as hard being around Bella now," Jasper said thoughtfully. "Since Edward's come back she's... better. Still not great, but I can handle being around her for a short period of time."

Rose nodded in satisfaction. "Good."

"Rose, while it's encouraging to hear that Bella is better and things are easier for Jasper, I don't see how that really solves anything with Edward. Just how do you propose they 'make' him feed?" I asked. "You remember that old adage, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink'? I think that applies here."

"I was thinking the same thing, Rosie," Emmett said. "Edward's weak enough that Jasper and I can haul him out of the bedroom without much trouble and take him out into the woods, but what then? Do you want me to rip open a bear and shove his face into it or something?"

"Why not?" Rose said. "Sounds like a plan to me."

"Rose, it's not that simple and you know it," Jasper argued. "Even if we did that, it doesn't mean he'll feed from it. Hungry or not, he's just stubborn enough to resist."

"Well, we've got to do something," Rose insisted. "We have to at least try! I refuse to wait until he's too far gone and then have Bella pay the price. She's paid enough already."

I tried to be the voice of reason. "Alice, what do you see happening if Emmett and Jasper do as Rose suggests?"

She gave me another odd look and it occurred to me that she'd been strangely silent during this discussion. "Um... it will be fine," she said vaguely.

"Well, there you have it!" Rose said. "See, even Alice agrees with me."

I didn't agree with Rose's analysis of Alice's response, but I didn't say anything as Rose continued to argue her case to Jasper and Emmett. Actually I wasn't really paying much attention to her at all. Instead I was still staring at Alice and she was staring back at me. Her eyes were clearly trying to tell me something. Everything she'd been saying, or more accurately not saying, during this conversation was very uncharacteristic for her.

Wait... the dots began to connect in my mind. Jasper and Emmett going up to get Edward to force him out of the house. Could that be the 'altercation' that Alice had told me about? It would explain why she wasn't arguing against Rose's somewhat foolhardy plan as I would have expected her to. But how would the three of them fighting help the situation with Bella? Beyond the obvious idea of a well-fed Edward being less likely to attack Bella, I didn't see how the two things could be connected.

I struggled with my instinct to prevent anything that involved the members of my family fighting with each other, but if this was the 'altercation' Alice had spoken of, I had to keep my promise to not interfere. I also remembered something Bella and Edward used to say...

'_Never bet against Alice.'_

My sudden enlightenment must have shown in my eyes because Alice inclined her head in a very subtle single nod and the tiniest hint of a knowing smile caught the corner of her mouth. It vanished as she turned back to the others and I worked to keep my expression neutral.

"When do you want to do it?" I asked them calmly. Rose, Emmett and Jasper all fell silent and turned to gape at me.

"You're on board with this?" Rose asked in surprise.

I forced myself not to look at Alice in case I would give something away. "Well, like you said, we have to try something. At the moment, I can't think of a better idea."

All right, that was a lie, but apparently it was a necessary one. My better idea would have been to let sleeping dogs lie, or in this case, let crouching vampires sit, but in light of what Alice had seen in her vision, that obviously was not the right course of action.

"Well, then if everyone is on board, I think we should do it today," Rose said, apparently excited that she was going to get her way. "The sooner the better. We should all hunt so we're at full strength and then go back to the house and do it."

"When we get back to the house, we also need to be careful with our thoughts or Edward will know that we're coming," Alice said.

It was the longest sentence she'd uttered since we'd been out here and while her gaze had touched on everyone, it lingered the longest on me. Consequently, I was sure that I was not misreading her intentions.

"Right, good point," Rose agreed. "Let's go and meet back at the house in an hour."

We all quickly hunted and then met outside on the back porch. Esme stepped out to meet us.

"Did anything happen while we were gone?" Rose asked her.

"No, there hasn't been a peep out of them," she told us. "I went up there twice while you were gone. Bella's in the chair; and Edward is in his usual spot in the corner."

"Okay, guys, you ready?" Rose asked them.

"Yes," Jasper replied.

Emmett rolled his shoulders expectantly. "Yeah."

"Then let's go," Rose said as she led the way into the house.

Esme frowned. "What's going on?"

"I'll explain later," I promised. "But right now I think we'd better follow them."

All six of us went upstairs and it occurred to me that Edward wouldn't need to read our minds to know what we intended since the entire family trouping up there made it pretty obvious that something was going on. Actually we looked like something out of an episode of 'Intervention.'

Rose opened the bedroom door and just as Esme had reported, Bella was in her chair and Edward was in the far corner of her room. Bella didn't appear to react at all when we came in, but Edward stiffened and watched us warily. Alice, Esme and I stood back out of the way, while Rose, Emmett and Jasper continued forward and stopped a few feet in front of Edward.

The four of them had a long, silent staring contest, and then Rose finally spoke. "Edward, you need to hunt."

Edward's black eyes flicked over Jasper and Emmett, and then stopped on Rose. Even from across the room, I could see the anger and defiance flash into his eyes.

"I'm not leaving, Bella," he said flatly.

Rose's voice was hard. "She's why you need to hunt."

"I will when I'm ready."

"We think you're ready now," she challenged.

He stared at her. "It's not up to you."

"We think it is," she said calmly. "Jasper and Emmett are going to take you... now."

Edward's angry gaze raked over his brothers. "Take me or make me?" he asked.

Rose folded her arms. "Whatever it takes."

The tension was thick in the room and I was beginning to rethink my decision to remain silent and not interfere with what was happening.

Edward rose from the floor and went into a low crouch. "They'll have to make me then," he said with a growl. "Because I'm not going otherwise."

In response, Jasper and Emmett went into their own crouch. "Don't make us do this the hard way, brother," Jasper growled back.

I caught the subtle movement off to our left as Bella turned to look at them. From our place by the door, Esme, Alice and I had a clear view of the entire room, but Rose, Jasper and Emmett were solely focused on Edward so they didn't see her. Jasper and Rose were blocking Edward's view of her so he didn't see her either.

What happened next, quite literally stunned me.

I don't think I'd ever seen Bella move so fast, not even before we'd left Forks. She all but launched herself from the chair and ran across the room to dart between Emmett and Jasper and bodily throw herself against Edward whose face registered baffled surprise. Bella gave a little grunt of pain as she slammed into Edward, but her momentum and added weight, what little of it there was, wasn't enough to knock him over and he caught her easily.

Everyone in the room was stunned; everyone, I realized, but Alice who was actually smiling ever so slightly. This must have been what she'd seen. Before anyone could recover enough to speak, Bella pulled out of Edward's arms, turned to Jasper and Emmett and silently waved her arms in front of her frantically.

I realized then that she was trying to get them to stop; basically trying to protect Edward from Jasper and Emmett. If the scene and Bella's courage wasn't so touching, I probably would have laughed. Her jumping between them was like having a butterfly flit between three rampaging bulls.

And yet, it apparently worked. The growling stopped, Edward fell from his crouch to sit back down in the corner, and Jasper and Emmett stood up and took a step back from her. Still no one said anything. Instead we all stared at Bella with varying degrees of awe. In Edward's case, that awe was mixed with love and simple adoration.

As we all watched, Bella dropped her hands and still keeping herself between the boys and Edward, she winced a little as she shakily stood up. Rubbing her hip absently, she opened her mouth and for a moment everyone else in the room held their breath as they waited for her to speak. Our disappointment was a palpable thing when she closed it again and pressed her lips into a tight, thin line.

Then, turning to Rose, Bella lifted her hand and made a motion like she was writing something in the air. When Rose was still too busy being shocked to respond, Bella frowned and turned to Jasper. She made the same motion, only this time she did it against her palm as if she was writing on a piece of paper.

"You want something to write with?" Jasper guessed.

Looking relieved that someone finally understood, Bella nodded.

"Here, I've got something," Alice said pulling a small pad of paper and a pencil out of her pocket. Since I had never known Alice to walk around with a pad and pencil in her pocket, seeing them now confirmed to me that Alice had indeed seen this coming.

Bella stared at Alice's outstretched hand for a moment and tentatively, she reached out and took the pad and paper from Alice. But rather than beginning to write down whatever she had to say as we had expected, she continued to look at Alice with an odd intensity. Then, to my surprise, Bella took a step forward until she was only inches from Alice.

Then another shock. Just the ghost of a shy smile tugged at the corners of Bella's mouth. It was the first time we'd seen anything even resembling a smile on her face since she'd been here. Slowly, Bella lifted her arms and put them around Alice in a gentle hug. In response, Alice threw her arms around Bella and hugged her back.

"I've missed you, Bella," Alice said quietly, emotion thick in her voice.

As if Alice's words had broken the spell, Bella started to pull away from her. Alice seemed to understand that and she didn't try and stop her. Gripping the pencil in her hand, Bella began to write. After a moment, she handed the pad to Edward and he began to read it.

**EDWARD**

I thought my dead heart would burst from my chest. Bella had literally thrown herself at me in an attempt to protect me from Emmett and Jasper. Despite the fact that it had been needless, not to mention dangerous for her, it spoke volumes about how she felt about me even after all she'd been through. And having her in my arms again, even for those few seconds, had been amazing.

The surprises had kept coming when Bella had indicated a desire for something to write on and then through Alice's eyes, I'd seen Bella almost smile. Most stunning of all, she'd hugged my sister all on her own. It gave me hope that she was slowly coming back to us... to me.

Everyone in the room was quiet as she wrote and their minds were largely blank with surprise and curiosity. All except for Alice, that is, who seemed oddly expectant and, if I were reading her right, pleased. When Bella finished writing, she turned to me and held out the pad of paper. I'd had to fight to keep my hand from shaking as I took it from her and began to read.

"_You need to hunt, Edward,"_ she'd written.

"I don't want to leave you," I told her honestly as I handed the paper back to her.

She wrote something else on the pad and passed it back. _"I'll be fine."_

"I promised I wouldn't leave you again," I reminded her.

She looked at me for a moment and I had the feeling she was trying to decide if I was being honest or simply telling her what she wanted to hear.

"_I know, but you're just going to hunt," _she argued on paper. Apparently she'd decided I was being truthful. _"Please... I see how thirsty you are."_

Once again, I was touched beyond words over her concern for my well being. I considered her request and suddenly it gave me an idea. Something that just might have a chance of helping Bella. It would be a baby step but, where she was concerned, any step was important right now.

"All right. But if I have to hunt, you have to eat," I said quietly with my eyes locked on hers. "So I'll make you a deal. For every meal you eat, I'll hunt for an hour."

She blinked at me; obviously, she had not been expecting my response. I could see her internal struggle over my proposition. Her desire to help me was clearly warring against her own issues with eating. The moment stretched on for what felt like an eternity and I began to worry that my tactic was not going to work.

Then, finally, she wrote down something and handed it to me. _"Okay, but if I have to eat, you also have to take a shower and change into some clean clothes. You look shabby."_

Her expression was serious as she looked down at me, but I couldn't help but smile anyway. I loved that she wasn't afraid to tell me I looked 'shabby.' And she was right, of course, I was unkempt and decidedly tattered. Actually, to say I was 'shabby' was being generous. I was still wearing the torn clothes that I'd worn on the plane; the same ones that I'd been wearing at Bella's 18th birthday party months before.

"All right. Do we have a deal then?" I asked her.

Miraculously, she nodded and I was about to get up floor when she made another stunning move.

She held her hand out to me as if she meant to help me up off the floor.

After all she'd been through, after all my actions had caused to happen to her, she still was holding out her small, delicate hand to me. The thoughts of my entire family echoed my surprise and admiration for Bella's actions.

To say I was humbled by her didn't begin to cover it. This girl... this woman, was reaching out to me, even when she didn't have to. She was even willing to touch me when she didn't like to be touched. To me, she was simply the most amazing creature I'd ever met during my 109 years on this earth.

However, I was presented with a slightly bothersome problem. She weighed next to nothing now and if I took her hand and actually tried to use her as leverage to get up, I was sure I'd just pull her down with me and risk possibly injuring her. But if I ignored her hand and got up without her help, I risked making her think I was rejecting her. So I did the only thing I could and I took her hand, but I used only the barest minimum of force on her hand, instead using my vampire abilities for the most part to help launch me to my feet.

Once I was standing on my own, she pulled her hand back. I immediately missed the warmth and feel of it in mine, but I didn't protest out loud. Gripping the pencil again, she wrote something new.

"_Go with Emmett and Jasper."_

I was slightly worried that she was not going to hold up her end of the bargain even after I'd hunted. "I have a better idea, why don't you eat first and then I will go hunt?"

She frowned and a hint of irritation flashed in her eyes. _"Don't you trust me?" _she wrote.

After reading her words, I realized there was a spark of hurt behind the irritation in her eyes and I cursed myself for putting it there. I'd pushed a little too hard and I knew I had to make it right.

"Of course, I trust you, Bella. I just want to see you eat something."

She studied me for a moment as everyone else in the room continued to silently watch us. Their minds were still largely quiet with expectation as they waited for things to play out.

Bella started to write again. _"Compromise? I'll eat while you hunt."_

In case she thought I was somehow laughing at her or making fun of her, I fought to keep another smile from breaking out on my face. It was not easy. My plan finally seemed to be working and it made me want to grin like a lunatic. "I can agree to that."

"_Now?"_ she wrote.

"Now is as good a time as any," I said. The sooner I got her eating, the sooner I she could really start healing... physically at least. "Esme can you make her something to eat?"

Esme looked delighted. "Yes, of course. Bella, Carlisle gave me a list of things that I can start you off with. I made some already and froze them just in case, but I can easily heat them up. How about some chicken broth?"

"Broth?" Emmett said with a disgusted little face. "She needs something more filling, don't you Bella? We need to put some meat on your bones."

He slapped her on the back a little too hard and she nearly tumbled to the floor. She was so thin now a small gust would likely blow her over and she was no match for Emmett's over exuberance. Bella didn't protest or pull away when Alice lightly took her arm to steady her and Rose smacked Emmett smartly on the back of the head.

"Oww!" Emmett said rubbing his head.

"Be more careful!" Rose snarled.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you," he apologized. "I just thought you'd want something more than broth."

Bella gave him a small, slightly wan smile to let him know it was all right.

"I'm sorry Bella, but you're body has gone too long without food to start with something heavier," Carlisle put in. "Once you can keep down the clear liquids, you can try other things, all right?"

Bella nodded. _"Chicken broth is fine,"_ she wrote.

Esme gave a delighted smile. "I'll go heat it up and bring you a tray when it's ready." With that she turned and headed downstairs and Bella started to go back to her chair.

I frowned when I saw that she was limping slightly. To my knowledge she hadn't been limping before. Carlisle noticed it too and he commented on it before I could.

"Bella, what's wrong with your leg?" he asked crossing to her.

She settled herself in the chair and wrote something on the pad. _"Nothing, I'm fine."_

He knelt down in front of her. "It didn't look like nothing," he said gently. "You were limping."

She huffed out a breath. Clearly, she wanted the matter dropped, but she knew we wouldn't accommodate her on that point.

"Bella?" I prompted.

"_Hip is just a little sore."_

Carlisle's gaze flickered from her to me and then back to her. "May I take a look just to make sure it's nothing serious?"

"_I'm fine,"_ she wrote again.

"Please, Bella," I begged.

For a moment, I thought she was going to roll her eyes at me, but in the end she looked from Carlisle to me and then wrote something down. _"I'll let him look at it if you go hunt."_

I needed to know if she was okay before I left. "But Bella..." I tried.

"_Go hunt,"_ she wrote.

"But I just want..."

"_GO HUNT!"_ she wrote in capital letters that she underlined twice.

"Okay, okay, you don't have to yell," I muttered.

Carlisle chuckled. "I'll check her over while you're gone," he promised.

I nodded. I knew Bella was trying to get rid of me, but I tried not to take it too hard. She hated being the center of attention and her recent actions on my behalf had thrown her right into the spotlight. I suspected that part of her was just as surprised as we were over her sudden spurt of activity and she really just wanted to be left alone again.

Whether she liked it or not, that was not going to happen. I might be leaving to hunt, but I'd be back and I was beginning to suspect that we needed to change the way we were interacting with Bella. Although my family had made attempts with Bella, when they had failed, they had left her largely alone. I hadn't done much better, even though I'd been in the room with her and had a little success getting through to her early on; I hadn't done much more than sit in the corner or in front of her by the window.

However, I was beginning to wonder if that had been such a good idea. Even if she didn't respond, it was clear that she observed everything we said, so it seemed to me that we should be giving her more to respond to rather than less. I reasoned that it would be easier for her to understand that we really did want her if we were doing things that showed her that she was very much a part of our family and not just a tenant in the third floor bedroom.

As I made my way out of the bedroom with Emmett and Jasper in front and behind me, apparently to make sure I didn't change my mind, I knew that I had a lot to think about while I was out hunting.

TBC...

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><p>Next week: Edward hunts, Bella talks to Anthony about why she's started writing things out for the Cullen's and then, true to her deal with Edward, she tries eating. See you then!<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews, I treasure each and every one.

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><p>Last week we saw Bella jump in front of Edward when he was confronted by Emmett, Jasper and Rose. Then we saw Bella begin to communicate by writing things down. She also reluctantly promised to try and eat if Edward agreed to hunt.<p>

I had a lot of comments from readers that were confused as to why Bella would write things down rather than just talk since they two things are so similar and there's no medical reason she can't speak. Hopefully, this chapter will answer those questions. I will also have a couple more comments on that topic at the end of the chapter.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 11<strong>_

**BELLA**

"Well, Bella, it looks like you've just bruised your hip, probably when you ran into Edward," Carlisle told me as he ran his hands over my hip and carefully manipulated my leg. "It will probably be sore for a couple of days and you'll likely have a rather large bruise, but I think you'll be fine."

I nodded, but didn't write down anything in response. After all, I was used to being clumsy and having bruises. Alice and Rose were hovering behind Carlisle watching me and I knew it was irrational, but I wasn't sure which of them annoyed me more.

Rose looked concerned. That annoyed me because that's how nearly everyone had looked at me for the past few months and I was getting really tired of the 'poor Bella' looks. I was broken, I get it, but did everyone have to look like there were expecting me to come apart at any minute?

As for Alice, I could see she was trying not to grin. And it wasn't just any grin. It was her 'I-know-something-you-don't-know-shit-eating' grin that she was trying to suppress and not having much luck. It was as if she had all the answers in that twisted little pixie mind of hers while I had no answers at all and I resented her for it.

Both of them were getting on my last nerve.

And then there was Carlisle. Oddly enough, him I didn't mind having around. You would think that after all my bad experiences with doctors over the last few months I would have been running away from Carlisle like I was on fire and he was gasoline, however, I felt nothing but warmth and comfort from his presence. I never felt uncomfortable around him or threatened by him. I always knew that his compassion and his caring was part of the reason he was such a good doctor, but I had a whole knew appreciation for him now.

Ever since I'd woken up here, wherever here was, he'd gone out of his way to not hurt me and even though I didn't respond, he'd always talked to me like I still had a brain in my head and wasn't a three year old. Of everyone in the house, I'd been the least tentative about him touching me, maybe because he almost always asked permission first and told me what he was going to do so I was never surprised or startled. He also didn't give me the 'poor Bella' look, which I attributed to his medical training and bedside manner. He might be thinking it, but at least it wasn't written on his face all the time.

"Can I get you anything, Bella?" Alice asked as Carlisle stood up and helped me get up from the bed where he'd been examining me.

I limped back over to the chair where I picked up the pad and pencil again. _"I would like some time alone until Esme comes back."_

Alice and Rose both looked disappointed, but they both nodded. "We'll be downstairs if you change your mind and want some company," Alice said quietly as she pulled Rose along behind her.

Carlisle walked over to me as I settled into my chair. Kneeling down beside me, he looked at me a little strangely for a moment, almost as if he were searching for the right words to say.

"Thank you for trying to protect Edward, Bella," he finally told me. "I hate to see the boys at odds with each other."

"_I didn't want Emmett and Jasper to hurt him," _I wrote.

He nodded and his eyes were full of understanding. "I'm sorry you were injured."

I shrugged but didn't write anything.

Carlisle's eyes were serious as he looked at me. "It's good to see you interacting with us again, Bella. I'm sure I speak for the entire family when I echo Alice's words that we've missed you." I think that he half-expected me to say or write something else but when I didn't, he patted my arm and stood up. "Well, I'll give you that time alone now."

He left the room, shutting the door behind him and once again I was alone... just as I'd asked for. The problem with that was I wasn't finding comfort with the solitude like I once had.

Now I just felt... alone.

Before he - come on Bella, you can at least think his name – before 'Edward' had shown up, it had been easy to let myself float in the isolation like it was a pool of cool water on a hot day; to let my mind go blank and numb me to the fact that I had little present and no future beyond the four walls I found myself living in. Ever since Edward's sudden arrival, my ability to slip into the isolation had been moving further and further away. Part of it, I'm sure was due to the fact that he was in the room with me during every waking moment of the day now so technically I wasn't alone, but I wondered if it wasn't more than that. Was time healing some of my emotional wounds? I say 'some' because I don't think all the wounds will ever be healed.

If I was slowly healing, I wasn't sure it was a good thing. The blankness and the floating had been easier and less painful. Now I had to think and worry and, God help me, try not to hope for things I couldn't have. And while having Edward back had made the open wound in my chest smaller, it was more painful than ever because I knew he was only here to fix me and then he'd be gone again, off to find more interesting 'distractions.' Once I was healed I assumed I'd be cut out of his life and his family's life so fast I wouldn't know what hit me. So maybe it was selfish and weak and small of me, but if being broken meant I could stay with them, stay with _him_, even if it was just for one more day, then I didn't really have much incentive for getting better, did I?

But it wasn't that easy of course, parts of me were apparently healing whether I wanted them to or not. My actions over the last half hour had proven that, hadn't they?

With a sigh, I dropped my head into my hands. What the hell had I done? Without thinking, I'd ripped my way through the carefully constructed non-communicative walls I'd built to help Edward and now I didn't see any way for me to rebuild them. I felt like I'd rushed through a door, only to have it close and lock behind me, thrusting me into a new place that was foreign and, at moments, terrifying to me. A place that I had no guidebook for and no idea on how to navigate through it. To make matters worse, even if I wanted to, I suspected that Edward and the Cullens were not going to let me shut them out again.

Well, at least not until they got tired of me and were ready to drop me off by the side of the road like an unwanted puppy that they wished was someone else's problem.

"_Well, well, someone is having quite the pity party."_

My head jerked up. _"Where the hell have you been for the last three days?" _I snapped taking my anger at myself out on him.

Leaning against the window, Anthony grinned a little and looked very unconcerned about my apparent foul mood. _"I'm happy to see you too,"_ he commented. _"As for where I've been, I thought you'd like a little time alone with Eddie boy."_

"_Don't call him that,"_ I grumbled. _"He hates that name."_

He shrugged. _"So what? He's not going to hear me, now is he?"_

"_It doesn't matter. I don't like you calling him that either," _I shot back. _"As for him hearing you, I guess I don't have the same luxury. He can apparently see my lips move when I'm talking to you. Did you know that?"_

His expression turned somber. _"No, I swear, I didn't realize it until he said something,"_ Anthony said. _"But that's another reason I haven't been around for three days, the man... vampire, whatever, never leaves your side and I was worried that if I was here you'd talk to me and he'd see your lips moving again and think you'd gone completely around the bend."_

I snorted. _"Yes, because he doesn't already think that."_

Anthony's expression turned serious. _"Actually, I don't think he thinks that at all. And you pretty much made his day... heck his whole existence today by jumping in front of his brothers,"_ he said quietly._ "But you know you could have been killed, right? They could have squashed you like a bug."_

"_Vampire's have excellent reflexes,"_ I pointed out._ "I knew they would stop." _

"_No, you didn't. You didn't know any such thing," _he challenged. _"I'm up here, remember?" _He tapped his temple. _"You didn't think at all, you just reacted and put yourself in harm's way to save him."_

I wanted to argue with him, but I couldn't. _"So what if I did? He's worth saving."_

"_And you're not?"_

"_Stop over dramatizing it," _I said rather than commenting on his actual question. It didn't matter anyway, he and I both knew the answer. I wasn't.

He looked like was going to press me on it, but then he changed directions. _"So there's something I don't understand,"_ he said.

"_You're doing better than me then,"_ I told him. _"I don't understand most things these days."_ When he shot me a dirty look, I sighed. _"What don't you understand?"_

"_Why you're writing stuff down instead of just talking to them?"_ he asked. _"It doesn't make any sense to me. What's the difference? You're still communicating with them."_

I shrugged. _"I don't know."_

Anthony folded his arms. _"Yes, you do. Come on, Bella, this is me you're talking to."_

"_I guess I panicked, okay!" _I snapped back._ "Unless I wanted to play charades, the only way I thought I could get Ed... get 'him' to go hunt was to write it down." _

"_So you're not punishing them?"_

His accusation caught me off guard. _"Of course not, why would you say that?"_

"_I just thought maybe you were punishing them by not letting them hear your voice," _he said.

His words made me angry, but I couldn't help but consider them. Was that was I was doing?

I honestly didn't think so. I thought back to when Edward talked to me that first day he came back and had begged me to talk to him. I remembered thinking that I wasn't keeping silent to punish him. The same thing still applied to the whole family.

"_No, I'm not punishing them,"_ I insisted quietly. _"I just don't want to talk."_

He smirked at me. _"You do realize that writing is just talking but on paper, right?"_

I shook my head. _"No, it's different. When I write I can plan out my thoughts more carefully and not say too much or say something stupid."_

"_Ah, so you're worried about saying the wrong thing?" _

"_Isn't everyone?"_ I replied.

Considering that, he nodded. _"I suppose you have a point. So is it safe to say that you don't trust Edward and the Cullens, or really anyone but me right now, enough to risk saying too much or something stupid?"_

I hadn't thought about it like that, but actually that was a good observation. I answered him honestly. _"Yes, it's safe to say that."_

"_Well, I'm glad you can at least admit it to yourself... and me."_

"_I'm glad you're happy that I don't trust anyone," _I muttered.

His expression softened. _"Bella, of course I'm not happy about that, I'm just glad that you can admit you have trust issues. Being self-aware isn't a bad thing. You can't work on something until you know about it."_

I rolled my eyes at him. _"In my experience, being self-aware is highly overrated and tends to hurt like a bitch," _I snapped back.

"_Fair point,"_ he agreed, but didn't continue that line of questioning any further.

We were both quiet for a moment and Anthony looked especially thoughtful. _"So you're going to eat something, huh? That should be fun."_

I sighed._ "Please don't start about me eating. It's already going to be bad enough without your peanut gallery comments. I can't believe I agreed to it."_

"_Then why did you?"_

"_Because he wouldn't have hunted it I hadn't."_

He nodded. _"Well, try and think positive, maybe it won't be so bad this time,"_ he said hopefully.

"_Oh, please, the last three times I've tried to eat anything, I've thrown it right back up,"_ I pointed out. _"And that doesn't even count the two days I spent throwing up when I got here."_

"_When you got here you were injured and getting all that medication out of your system, of course you were sick,"_ he pointed out. _"And as I recall, those other three times happened when you were still in the hospital and you were either upset or on copious amounts of medication."_

"_Whatever," _I grumbled._ "In any case, my humiliation will be complete when my vomiting does not go unnoticed by half the Cullens. Hell, Alice has probably already seen it happen,"_ I grumbled. _"I guess I should just be happy that Edward, Jasper and Emmett will be out of the house."_

"_Well, aren't you a bowl full of optimism?"_ Anthony commented.

"_I'd prefer to call it being realistic,"_ I replied sourly.

"_You sound more fatalistic than realistic to me,"_ he said. _"You haven't even tried eating yet and you're talking like you've already failed."_

"_Yeah, well, failure and I are old friends."_

"_Jesus, Bella, really?" _he said clearly angered by my words. _"You know, it occurs to me that you're not a failure at least one thing."_

This ought to be good, I thought. _"Oh? And just what am I so good at?" _I asked.

"_Feeling sorry for yourself,"_ he shot back. _"You've got that down pat. If you spent as much energy trying to get better as you do on feeling sorry for yourself you wouldn't be in the state you're in right now."_

I wasn't sure which hurt more, the fact that he was calling me on my shit instead of letting it slide or the fact he was right.

"_It's not that easy,"_ I said without much conviction.

"_It's EXACTLY that easy,"_ he argued back. _"In any case, don't you think it's time to put your big girl panties on and start climbing out of the hole you've dug for yourself?"_

"_Why are you being so mean?"_ I asked quietly. For the first time in a long time, longer than I could actually remember, I felt tears beginning to prickle in my eyes and I blinked rapidly to hold them off.

"_Because I'm angry, Bella. I hate to see you wasting your life and your potential. And because, believe it or not, I think Edward really does love you and he really is sorry he left you and if you let yourself get better you might just get him and everything else you've ever wanted."_

Just then, with an impeccable sense of timing, a light knock sounded at the door and a moment later, Esme entered with a tray. Any chance at mounting some kind of response to what Anthony had said was lost.

"_Big girl panties, Bella,"_ Anthony said and then he evaporated.

"Here you go, Bella," Esme said brightly as she carried the small tray over and set it down on the end table beside my chair. "I brought you some chicken broth like I promised and some water. I know it's not a lot, but Carlisle said if you can keep it down for an hour or so you can have more." She picked up a steaming mug from the tray and handed it to me. "I thought drinking it from a mug might be easier for you."

Nodding, I reached out and took the large mug from her. It was heavy, but the warmth of it felt good against my palms.

Esme picked up a chair from the far wall, and brought it over to the side of my chair not blocked by the end table, and sat down. If I had to guess, I'd say that she was supposed to make sure that I actually drank it and didn't just take it in the bathroom and pour it down the sink.

Not that I was thinking of doing that. Okay, so it MAY have crossed my mind once or twice.

"I tried not to make it too hot for you," Esme she said as she settled herself in the chair and waited for me to start drinking.

I stared down into the depths of the steaming mug. For a moment, I almost wished that it was alphabet soup so that the letters could magically rise to the surface like some type of Magic 8-Ball and tell me that it would be all right to drink it.

Why was this so hard? It was just a cup of broth. Oh, yes, the whole throwing up thing. Well, maybe Anthony was right, maybe this time it would be different. Maybe I was ready.

'_Put on your big girl panties,'_ he had said.

I let out a breath. Okay, I could do this. It was just mind over matter thing, right?

"Bella?" Esme said quietly. "Would you rather have something else? I have beef or vegetable broth if you'd rather have those instead. Or if you want something cold, Carlisle said you could also have some Jell-O."

I shook my head and held up the mug to indicate that this was fine. Then I brought the mug to my lips and took a small sip. I was surprised by the fact that it actually tasted pretty good. I figured that something as simple as broth would be pretty unexciting. While it wasn't the most amazing thing I'd ever tasted, it was definitely good. Warm and smooth, it reminded me of grandma Swan's chicken noodle soup, without the noodles, of course. On the other hand, after not eating or drinking anything for so long, it felt a little strange to actively swallow something and feel it running down my throat and into my long-empty stomach. And, at least for the moment, it was staying there.

I turned to Esme who was looking at me expectantly and I managed a small smile. From the glowing smile she gave me back, you would have thought she'd just won the lottery. I guess I had been pretty stingy with my smiles over the past few weeks I'd been here and seeing Esme so happy over something so simple made me feel very guilty. In my attempts to hold myself back from the Cullens and not get attached to them again, I'd apparently not been very fair to them either. Although the details of exactly what had happened were sketchy to me, they had still taken me in after I'd been in the hospital. Even if my current living situation was temporary, I had to be grateful for that.

Thankfully, Esme didn't try to make any further conversation and she seemed content to sit quietly and watch me as I continued to drink the broth. I suppose it should have made me feel self conscious to have her watching me like that, but like Carlisle, I only felt comfort from her. It helped that she was still smiling over my own earlier smile and wasn't using a 'poor Bella' face on me.

The trouble began when I was about three-quarters of the way through the mug of broth. First, there was a distinct feeling of fullness, which given the fact that my stomach had shrunk over the past few months from lack of food was easy enough to ignore. But then the broth started to feel like it was a rock sitting in my stomach. However, I was bound and determined to finish it. By the time I was down to the last sip of liquid in the cup, it was all I could do to force it down. Once I did, my stomach began to roll greasily.

Setting the empty mug on the tray, I rubbed my hand over my mouth telling myself over and over again that what I was feeling was just my stomach getting used to something being in it again and I was not going to throw up. The rising nausea, of course, mocked all of my attempts.

My mounting distress didn't go unnoticed by Esme, who was frowning now. "Bella, are you okay?"

I started to nod, but the intensifying tickle in the back of my throat had me changing it to a violent shake. Unfortunately, the violent shake was not a good idea and it only served to move things along faster. Sore hip be damned, I bolted out of the chair and limped as fast as my legs would carry me to the bathroom. I got there just in time to lose the entire mug of broth as I threw up in the toilet.

I vaguely felt Esme's hands holding back my hair as I retched. "Oh, Bella," she said quietly.

My still healing ribs throbbed horribly as I emptied the contents of my stomach. The only good thing was that the broth was pretty easy to throw up and didn't taste too incredibly bad. I made that judgment based on the time that I had the stomach flu and I had thrown up milk. It had been curdled and vile beyond belief. It took me years before I could drink milk again and I still refused to eat cottage cheese.

Once I'd finished, I sagged against the edge of the toilet. Esme was right there with a damp washcloth to wipe my face and Alice was there with a glass of water for me as Rose hovered in the bathroom doorway. None of them seemed to know what to do or what to say to me. Idly, I wondered where Carlisle was. It didn't seem right to have only three people witness this humiliating moment.

After rinsing my mouth, I curled up on the tile floor and relished to cold feel of the tile against my cheek. My ribs still throbbed, my stomach continued to roil and cramp slightly, I had a bit of a headache, and I was panting a little from the exertion of vomiting. Closing my eyes, I tried to slow my breathing down and I hoped that it would have the side benefit of helping to control my lingering nausea.

Okay, so obviously eating something hadn't gone so well. Next time I saw Anthony - stupid hallucination - I would be sure to give him a piece of my mind.

"Bella, honey?" Esme said gently as she stroked my hair away from my face. "Do you think you can make it back to the chair?"

Unable to answer her question because I honestly didn't know if I could or not, I simply closed my eyes and dearly hoped I could get through the next five minutes without being sick again.

**EDWARD**

Jasper and Emmett were true to their word, keeping me out of the house for exactly an hour. I'd fed on two deer and a small bear within about 45 minutes of leaving the house, but Jasper was timing me on his watch and insisted I stay out for the full hour. Our conversation had been light as I'd mostly concentrated on hunting so I could get back to Bella that much sooner. In both their minds, I read the fact that, just as Rosalie had told me, they were both very devoted to Bella and the only way they could see to help her right now was to make sure that I was well fed enough to not attack her. I was surprised to read concern for me in their thoughts as well, but I didn't comment on it.

While I hunted, the animals I fed on did help my thirst and I did feel calmer afterward, but just as when I'd been in South America, the act of feeding and hunting was more an autonomic response than anything else. There was no joy or satisfaction in what I did, only a means to an end. While I was out in the woods, my thoughts had been mostly consumed with Bella and whether or not she was all right and eating as she'd promised. I also took the time to think through the things that had happened this morning and how I thought we should interact with Bella going forward. I felt sure that being around her and involving her more were our best courses of action where she was concerned. I also allowed myself to hope that the morning's events would be some type of turning point for her.

Like a child at the close of a long school year, as soon as Jasper and Emmett released me at the end of the hour, I was off like a shot and running for the house. I couldn't wait to see Bella again. I didn't know how I'd been apart from her for so many months, because now I couldn't stand to be away from her for more than a short period of time before I began to feel anxious and off balance.

When I entered the house through the living room sliding door, I saw Carlisle starting up the stairs, his black medical bag in hand. Worry for Bella was uppermost in his mind and I read parallel thoughts from Esme, Alice and Rose upstairs. My stomach dropped when, through Esme's eyes, I could see Bella curled up on the bathroom floor.

"What's wrong, Carlisle?" I demanded, rushing over to him. "What happened?"

"_Her attempt at eating didn't go so well," _his mind answered._ "Apparently, she did drink all the broth Esme brought her, but it didn't stay down for long. I came down to get my bag, but was just on my way to check on her."_

I nodded to him and then we ran upstairs and into Bella's room. Carlisle and I pushed past Rose who was standing the bathroom doorway. Esme and Alice were kneeling on either side of Bella, who was still curled up on the bathroom floor with her eyes closed, but they stood up and moved back when Carlisle and I came in.

Carlisle and I knelt down and took Esme and Alice's places on each side of Bella. "Bella, it's Carlisle. Are you all right?"

With her eyes still closed, Bella lifted her head slightly and shook it mutely, and then she laid her head back down against the tile.

"Edward, let's move her back out to the bed where I can examine her," Carlisle suggested.

I nodded and started to slide my arms under her. She weakly tried to push my hands away but the effort seemed half-hearted at best and even her weak struggles ceased once I had her in my arms. Just as she'd pressed herself against the bathroom tiles, she now pressed herself against me; I assumed seeking out the cool surface of my body as a replacement for the tiles. Whatever the reason, I didn't care, she was in my arms and pressed against me and that was all that mattered to me right then.

Her body was feather light as I carried her out into the bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. For a moment, she clung to my shirt as if she wasn't going to let go, then I saw her eyes flutter open for a moment and she seemed to realize what she was doing so she released my shirt and laid there with her eyes closed while I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Bella, how do you feel?" Carlisle asked.

Bella's eyes opened again and she motioned for something to write on again. Alice retrieved the pad and paper from the end table by Bella's chair and brought them over. I held the pad while Bella wrote something.

"_Like I just threw up,"_ was her succinct written reply.

"Were you feeling sick before you drank the broth?" he asked next. She shook her head. "So the broth made you sick?"

Bella glanced at Esme and then wrote. _"Yes, but no comment on Esme's cooking. I liked the first half of it."_

Esme smiled gratefully at Bella for not blaming her cooking as Carlisle continued to question her. "So the first half of it went down all right? It didn't make you sick?" Bella shook her head. "What happened after that? How did you feel?"

"_I started to feel really full and then when I tried to finish it all, it felt like the broth was a greasy rock in my stomach,"_ she wrote. _"I could tell I was going to throw up."_

Carlisle nodded. "How do feel now?"

"_Ok,"_ she wrote. _"Ribs hurt a bit, but stomach is settling down."_

"Well, your ribs are still healing so it's not surprising that vomiting made them hurt," Carlisle commented. "Is it okay if I press on your stomach and abdomen to check for any tenderness?"

Bella nodded and I watched while Carlisle conducted his exam. Luckily, he didn't find any spots that gave Bella any discomfort. He also took her vital signs and found that everything seemed pretty normal. He sat back on the side of the bed and studied her for a moment.

"Well, Bella, I don't find anything wrong and you don't have a fever. I think the entire cup of broth was just a bit too much for you," he said. "We'll wait a few hours and then try again. I think..."

Bella's eyes went wide and she shook her head emphatically.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked as she began to scribble something down.

"_I threw up once, isn't that enough?"_ she wrote.

"It's going to take your body a little time to get used to eating again, Bella," Carlisle tried to explain. "I think there are a few things we can try next time to maximize the chances that you'll keep it down. I thought about trying them this first time, but I was hoping your body would tolerate the broth without help."

She wrote something again, this time her eyes pleading when she looked at me rather than Carlisle. _"Please don't make me do it again. I hate throwing up."_

Even though she'd been looking at me, Carlisle read the note too and answered before I could. "No one likes to throw up, Bella. That includes us. When we eat human food, we have to throw it up too because we can't digest it."

"Yes, it's one of the suckier things about being a vampire," Alice put in.

Bella's eyes had flicked from Carlisle to Alice and then back to me, all but begging. Carlisle's input had failed to convince her and Alice's comment had failed to amuse her out of her reluctance. My dead heart twisted at her distress. I wanted to cave in and tell her that it was okay, that she didn't have to try eating again, but I knew it that it was better for her if she could start eating on her own and we could wean her off the intravenous feedings. As much as it pained me, I knew I had to do the right thing over the easy thing.

"Please, Bella," I begged her. "Won't you at least try?"

She looked at me for a very long moment, her expression unreadable._ "Why?"_ she finally wrote.

"Why what?" I said stupidly.

I knew what she'd meant, in fact, I was pretty sure that everyone in the room knew what she'd meant, but her question had caught me off guard and I didn't know that else to say. I suppose I'd hoped that the simple fact that I'd asked her to do it would be enough, but of course, it wasn't. I'd lost that privilege the day I'd left her in the woods.

"_Why do I have to try?" _she scribbled._ "What does it matter?"_

Again, my heart twisted as I stared at her. Now that she could communicate to some degree, I could see just how broken she was. She'd never had much of an instinct for self-preservation, but this went beyond that. It was more than just her not speaking, it was clear that she didn't really even care about what happened to her; didn't care about her own health or welfare. Well, in that case, I was going to have to care enough for the both of us for the time being.

"It matters to me," I said quietly, my eyes never leaving hers.

She blinked at me in surprise. My guess would be that she was looking for an argument based on facts and not on a personal plea from me. I saw her eyes brighten from what I could smell were gathering tears, but they didn't fall.

"_Fine," _she wrote almost angrily._ "I want to rest now."_

Without waiting for us to answer she laid her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes. A moment later, I saw a tear slide from between her closed lashes to trail over her cheek. I slowly reached out to brush it away, but her hand beat me to it as she angrily swiped at it. There were no more tears after that.

"Of course, Bella," Carlisle said as he stood up. "Let us know if you need anything."

Bella gave no response and everyone but me filed out of the room. From their minds I could tell that they wanted to have a family discussion downstairs about today's developments with Bella and were waiting for me before they did. But I wasn't ready to leave her yet and so I took a few minutes to sit on the side of the bed and simply drink in the sight of her. I knew from her breathing that she was not asleep and I was pretty sure that she was aware of me sitting next to her, but if so, she made no outward sign of it.

Not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable under my constant staring, but still not ready to leave her, I slid off the bed to sit on the floor with my back against it. I dropped my head back against the mattress near her hip and listened to the soft, wet sound of her heartbeat.

I heard a very slight rustle and was about to turn around to see what she was doing when I felt the tentative touch of her hand in my hair. To say I was shocked by her simple action did not begin to cover it. I tensed up at first and then I immediately relaxed as her small fingers tangled gently through the strands of my hair. Now I wished I'd gotten around to taking that shower I'd promised her and I made a mental note to do that once she had fallen asleep. I almost shuddered to think what had collected in my hair over the months since I'd taken a proper shower.

At the moment, she didn't seem to mind though and I remembered that she'd always liked playing with my hair. Her actions now were so like the old Bella, I would have wept for joy if I had been physically able to. As it was, I had to force myself not to start purring, which had been my usual reaction when she had played with my hair or rubbed my scalp for any length of time. I was worried that any reaction from me might make her stop so I remained still and let her touch my hair.

I was not sure how long we had been sitting there, but then I heard her breathing finally begin to even out and her fingers slowed until eventually they stopped but were still resting on my head and I knew she was asleep.

Carefully, so as not to disturb her, I slid out from under her hand and went to take that shower and change clothes before I left Bella just long enough to have a discussion with my family.

TBC...

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><p>With regards to Bella writing out her answers rather than just talking...<p>

When she told Anthony about her desire to avoid saying the wrong things by writing out her responses rather than saying them, it is a reflection of her need for control. There's so much about her life that is out of her control right now that she, at least subconsciously, hangs onto the fact that she can control what she does and doesn't say and she communicates only in the way she wants to. One of my reviewers commented that it reminded them of how an anorexic person looks at food. Food and their weight are something they can control when other things feel so out of control. In any case, I still see it as a step in the right direction for Bella as she wasn't communicating at all before. I hope that helps explain the writing versus talking question.

Oh, and for those of you living in the U.S., don't forget that tonight we 'spring ahead' an hour for Daylight Savings Time.

Next week: Edward and the Cullen's discuss the new turn of events with Bella, Bella has a nightmare and then mentally reflects on the first time she saw Anthony. Have a great week!


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews, I treasure each and every one.

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><p>Last week Carlisle diagnosed Bella as having a bruised hip from when she ran into Edward. Then Bella talked to Anthony about a number of things and Edward went to hunt and Bella tried to eat for the first time. Needless to say, Edward had much more luck than she did when she had to throw up the cup of broth she tried to drink, but he managed to get her to promise try again.<p>

Everyone's favorite scene from last week seemed to be Bella playing with Edward's hair as she was falling asleep. That was one of my favorites too. :o)

Oh, and a number of readers have expressed interest and/or concern on what's happening with Charlie and Renee during this time. I just wanted to say that I won't be ignoring that question and it will be will be answered in later chapters.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 12<strong>_

**ALICE**

After we left Bella's room, we scattered to various rooms of the house. As for me, I went to the garage where Esme had moved all of Edward's things after Bella had taken up residence in his room. I knew he'd be taking a shower sometime soon so I thought it would be a good time to find him some clean clothes to wear. I'd already planned to burn the ones he had on.

I smiled to myself. Things were going so well. Today was proving to be the turning point I'd hoped for. While I didn't like to see Bella sick like she had been today, I knew that in the scheme of things it had to happen to move on to the next thing, namely her eating again and being able to keep it down.

Mulling over the events of the day, I rifled through a number of the boxes and plastic bins in the garage and found a selection of suitable things for Edward to wear. Against my better judgment and fashion sense, I picked things with an eye toward comfort rather than style. I found two empty bins and loaded them with everything I'd picked out and then carried them upstairs to Bella's room where I found her sleeping peacefully enough. Even counting the clothes I'd bought for her since we'd brought her home, Bella's own meager selection of clothes occupied only a very small part of the walk-in closet in her room so there was plenty of room for me to add Edward's to it.

Being careful to make no noise that might disturb Bella, I put the bins down in the closet with plans to actually put everything away once she was awake. As I expected, I heard the shower running so I left a stack of clothes outside the bathroom door for Edward to use when he was done.

I came downstairs just as Jasper and Emmett came back from hunting. I quickly filled them in on what had happened with Bella's attempts at eating and how we were going to try to again later on.

"That sucks," Emmett said with a little shiver. "I hate throwing up."

"Is she going to be all right?" Jasper asked me.

I couldn't help but smile. "Yes, everything is working out just as I'd hoped it would."

"You mean as you saw it would," came Carlisle's voice from behind me.

I wasn't sorry for what I'd done, so I thought that it was useless to lie. "Yes, I saw it," I answered.

"Just exactly how MUCH did you see, Alice?" Edward all but growled as he appeared at the bottom of the stairs. His hair was still wet from his shower and I was glad to see that the very thin layer of dust and grime that had clung to him since he'd been back was gone.

I gave him a once over. "Well, at least you don't look like Pigpen from the Peanuts comics anymore."

Emmett snorted at my comment. "Heh, Pigpen. Good one, shorty."

"Answer the question," Edward said. He clearly did not share Emmett's amusement.

"You're welcome for the clothes, by the way," I said. "I figured you'd be tired of wearing the same clothes for the last five months."

"Alice..." he growled again.

I sighed. Patience was not one of my brother's strong points. "I saw everything," I explained. "From her jumping between you, Jasper and Emmett to her writing things down. But I didn't actually see her get sick until she decided she would try to drink the broth."

He glared at me. "You took a huge risk with her life, Alice. She could have been crushed by the three of us when she jumped between us."

"I saw that she'd be fine. You know very well that if I'd thought for one minute she was in any real danger, I would have stopped it." I couldn't help but smirk a little. "But she's fine and now she's talking to us, well, communicating with us anyway."

I could see that Edward was frustrated, but he couldn't really argue with what anything I'd said so he moved on. "And what about her getting sick?" he threw back. "Don't you think it would have been better to mention she would get sick from the broth so we could have spared her that?"

"I didn't like her getting sick anymore than you did, but she needed to try, Edward. And you know what they say, 'if at first you don't succeed'. Besides, I knew that you'd be able to get her to try again." I smiled knowingly again. "And the next time it will work and she'll keep it down and each time after that it will get easier for her. And, although it may take some more coaxing and she won't exactly have a huge appetite, by the end of the week she'll be eating solid food again."

Edward dragged a hand through his now clean hair. "I still don't like it," he grumbled.

"Well, at the time I wasn't worried about whether you would like it or not, I was only concerned with Bella's welfare," I defended. "And yours. After all, Bella's not the only one who's starting to eat again."

Edward merely grunted at my last comment, then suddenly his head snapped up and he stared at Carlisle. "You were in on this too?" he demanded. Apparently he'd heard Carlisle thinking about our discussion at the marina.

Carlisle held his hand up in defense. "Alice only told me parts of it. She really only told me about an altercation between you and your brothers but didn't give me any details. She only told me that I shouldn't interfere."

"That's right," I told Edward before he could say anything. "If he'd stopped Rose, Jasper and Emmett from going after you then Bella wouldn't have reacted to save you. But I also couldn't give him too much detail or else you'd hear him and YOU'D mess things up." I sighed. "It was really all quite complicated for me to get it all to come out right." I crossed my arms over my chest smugly. "And you have to admit it, things worked out fine."

Again, Edward looked like he was about ready to explode in frustration at me, but he merely turned away and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"She right, Edward," Carlisle said quietly. "Bella is finally making some real progress. A lot of that is due to your presence, but I can't deny that what happened today wasn't another step in the right direction for her. If we can only get her to keep something down then I don't see why, in time and with you by her side, she can't fully recover."

Rather than excited or hopeful, Edward's face looked... pained. "I don't think that she believes I'm here to stay," he admitted quietly. "I think she believes that I'm going to leave her again and I don't know how I can convince her otherwise."

Rose smirked, but Carlisle shot her a look that apparently squashed the comment she'd been planning to make. Then he crossed to Edward and laid his hand on his shoulder. "Time is a great healer, son," he said. "As time goes on and she sees you're still here... that we're all still here, then she'll know that we won't leave her again. And I think... once we get past that hurdle, she'll once again be the Bella we all know."

Edward looked at him for a long moment. His eyes searched Carlisle's and I assumed they were having some type of non-verbal conversation. After a moment, Edward nodded mutely, his shoulders straightened slightly, and his eyes lost some of their shadow.

"All right, in the meantime I want to talk to you all about how you've been treating Bella."

The faces in the room expressed varying degrees of confusion and anger at his words, but Rose's outraged voice was the first to chime in. "And just what the hell do you mean by that? We've done everything for her! If you're implying that we're not taking good care of her then..."

"Rose, Rose, calm down," Edward said holding up his hand. "I apologize for my poor choice of words. I didn't mean you weren't taking good care of her. I know you've seen to her every need and comfort. I think you have all taken exceptional care of her."

I cocked my head in confusion. "Then just what did you mean, Edward?"

"I was referring to the way we... myself included, are interacting with her," Edward explained. "I think we've left her alone too much or in my case, _let_ her be alone too much. I think we need to interact with her more, not less."

"I know she's writing things now or whatever, but how do we interact with her when she won't talk to us?" Emmett asked.

"Maybe interact isn't exactly the right word," Edward said. "It's just that I think we're encouraging her mental isolation by allowing her to be physically isolated from us as well."

"In English, man," Emmett protested.

Edward sighed. "By leaving her alone all the time, I think that we're feeding her belief that we don't want her or that she's not part of our family. As long as she remains under that mistaken idea then it's easier for her to continue to shut us out. If we're around her, if we give her more stimulation, it's going to be harder for her to keep up that facade."

His idea had a lot of merit. By leaving her alone, we were trying not to put a lot of stress on Bella and just let her heal in her own way and her own time, but I was beginning to see why that might have not been the best thing for her.

"Just what do you propose?" I asked.

"I think we should take turns spending time with her, maybe even try bringing her downstairs if she'll allow it. Sit with her, talk to her, even if she doesn't talk back and just let her hear our voices. We can tell her stories, read to her, play solitaire or video games, maybe watch something with her on TV that she might like."

"Bella likes Sports Center, right?" Emmett asked and earned a smack from Rose. "What? I thought maybe she watched it with Charlie."

"There are other things on TV besides sports, Emmett," Rose pointed out.

Emmett made a face. "Aw, does that mean I have to watch lame ass Lifetime chick movies?"

"You might want to stay away from the tear jerkers, Em," I suggested. "Try comedies, action movies, or classic movies."

Edward looked at Rose for a long moment before he spoke. "And I think she'd benefit from hearing about what happened to you, Rose."

We were all silent as we waited for Rose's response. She didn't answer right away, but only pursed her lips as she considered. I thought maybe she'd protest, but then she slowly nodded. "I was thinking the same thing," she said quietly.

"You really think that us spending more time with her is going to help?" Emmett asked. "It sounds too easy."

"It already is working," Esme interjected. "I saw it this morning when I gave her the broth. I sat with her and when I smiled at her, she smiled back. I mean really genuinely smiled. That's the first time she's done that since she's been here, at least with me."

Edward turned his gaze on me. "Alice?" he asked.

I knew he was asking for my confirmation that we were doing the right thing and now that the family had decided to take Edward's suggestion, images began to form in my head. I watched them unfold for a moment, and then I smiled and nodded. "It will work. I still don't see her talking for a while, but she will be more animated and she'll continue to communicate by writing things down."

Edward seemed relieved by what he was seeing in my mind. "Okay, so as soon as she wakes up and we have her try and eat again we'll..."

Suddenly, his head snapped up and we all heard why.

Bella's heartbeat.

Up until then it had been steady and even, but we could all hear it beginning to pick up and then we heard her whimper. I exchanged a worried glance with Rose, then I looked at Edward.

"Did you give Bella any sedatives before you left her room?" I asked him.

"No, she fell asleep just fine and since she was just going to take a nap so I didn't think I needed to."

"Oh, no," Rose murmured.

"She doesn't need it to fall asleep," I told him. "She needs it to keep away the..."

With an 'oh, crap' look on his face, he finished for me. "...nightmares."

At that moment, as if to put an exclamation point on it, Bella screamed.

**EDWARD**

Hearing Bella's scream, I darted up the stairs without another word. How could I have forgotten about the nightmares? I knew that had been why they sedated her. I guess I had been so happy Bella had agreed to try and eat again and so focused on what to do for her going forward; I hadn't stopped to realize that even a nap could bring out this kind of response.

"NO!" she screamed as I entered the bedroom and saw her thrashing on the bed. I vaguely registered that the rest of the family was right behind me and I heard the jumble of their thoughts and concerns, but I ignored them and turned my full attention on Bella.

Moving to her, I laid my hands gently on her shoulders. "Bella... it's all right, love," I said trying to keep my voice calm but firm so she would hear me.

"Where are you, Edward?" she cried. "Help me, Edward!"

A lump lodged in my throat at her words, but I shoved down my own guilt and remorse so I could help her. "I'm right here, Bella. You're safe now. It's time to wake up."

"No, please," she begged, her body was no longer thrashing under my hands, but she trembling violently and her voice went quiet and broken like that of a lost child. "Please, don't hurt me."

As much as I wanted to hear her sweet voice again, I didn't want it like this. I didn't want to hear that her nightmares sounded to me they like came right from her memories of what had happened to her; memories of a time when I hadn't been there to save her.

"It's all right, love, you're safe now," I tried to reassure her again. "No one is going to hurt you."

Still asleep, she was crying softly now. And it ripped my silent heart into tiny pieces.

"Someone help me," she begged in a hopeless whisper. "It hurts... it hurts."

Angry over the suffering she'd endured, my hand had curled into a fist. I flexed it open, took a calming breath and laid my cool hand against her damp cheek. "I'll help you, love," I promised her. "But you need to wake up."

Pulling her into my lap, I gently gathered her against me and began to rock her as she continued to cry quietly. I don't know if it was my words, the cool feeling of my body against hers, or the fact that her mind had simply had too much of the nightmare, but I felt her wake up when her body gave a little jerk and with a sharp intake of breath, the sound of her crying broke off.

It took her a moment to orient herself, but I knew the moment she realized where she really was and that I was holding her, when I felt her stiffen against me. Weakly she tried to pull away from me, but I held her close.

"I'm sorry, love," I said softly into her hair. "So sorry that I wasn't there to protect you."

I expected her to continue to fight against my hold, but, as always, Bella surprised me. Rather than continuing to struggle, she relaxed into me. Then I felt her slide her slim, fragile arms around my chest and she proceeded to hold onto me like I was a raft in an endless sea.

"That's right. Hold onto me," I murmured as I continued to rock her. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere ever again."

Dimly, I heard the door to the bedroom close and I heard everyone go back downstairs so that we were alone. We sat there quietly. Her face was buried against my shirt and although she was silent, from the wetness on my shirt, her rough breathing, and the fact that I could smell her tears, I knew that she had started to cry again.

Slowly, her tears began to subside and I felt her sigh. Then without a word and without looking at me, she slid from my arms and limped a little shakily to the bathroom. Silently, she closed the door behind her and left me sitting alone on the bed. I dragged a hand through my hair.

Just when I thought I understood what she'd been through, something like her nightmare happened to show me that I couldn't be more wrong. I tried to take comfort in the fact that she'd at least reached out to me in her distress, but in that moment, I wondered if there was anything I could really do to help her heal from what had happened to her during my absence or if she would be forever lost to me... and herself.

There was, however, one thing that I knew for certain. Whatever happened, even if she never believed it, I would always be by her side, keeping her safe and loving her in any way she would let me and I would never willingly leave her again.

**BELLA**

The door clicked closed and I leaned against the bathroom wall. I didn't really need to use the bathroom except to maybe wash my face, but I needed a moment to get myself together and I figured that retreating to the bathroom would be easier than trying to get him to leave the bedroom. The nightmare had shaken me, but not as much as waking up in Edward's arms. The nightmares and I were old friends. But being held by Edward was a dream I could no longer afford to have.

I stared at the spot on the wall above the bathroom sink. It was the blank space that the mirror had once occupied. Once again, I was glad that it was gone, glad that I had smashed it into a thousand pieces so that I didn't have to look at myself in the mirror.

Ignoring the slight ache in my hip, I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor and I rested my forehead on my knees.

What the hell was I doing? I kept telling myself that I shouldn't get attached to Edward being here again, because it would be that much harder when he left again, but since he'd been back, all I'd done was reach out to him. He told me once that I was his personal brand of heroin, but I was beginning to think that I was the one with the addiction, because I couldn't seem to keep away from him no matter how hard I tried.

That first day he'd tried talking to me I'd pulled away from him, but as soon as he started to leave the room I'd reached for him like a lifeline. And it was getting worse. Today my resolve had been a joke. The minute he'd been threatened, I'd jumped in to save him from Emmett and Jasper. Then after I'd been determined to not eat anything after throwing up, all he'd had to do was turn those golden eyes on me and ask me to try eating again because it was important to him and I'd crumbled. And just now, when I'd told myself to pull away from him after my nightmare, told myself that I couldn't afford to lean on him, he'd said the words that my heart longed to hear and my brain refused to believe.

"_I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere ever again."_

And just like that I'd clung to him like he was my last breath and I was going under for the third time. My heart had simply told my brain to shut up and I had let myself believe him. In that moment, the time he'd been away was gone and we were back to where we'd been before he'd left.

It had felt so good, so right to be held by him again, and I never wanted to let go of him.

Of course, it hadn't taken long for my brain to get over the shock of being slapped down and it had forcefully reasserted itself and pointed out to my sentimental heart that Edward was only telling me what I wanted to hear and that nothing had really changed between us at all.

I still couldn't believe I'd cried in front of him, he was the last one that I wanted to see me cry. I hadn't cried much since he'd left and I found it strange that since he had returned, my tears had decided to make a re-appearance with a vengeance. For the tears to pick now of all times to resurface made me feel stupid, weak, and humiliated.

I half expected Anthony to make an appearance in the bathroom with me, but he remained stubbornly absent. Stupid hallucination. It was just like him to show up when I didn't want him and then not show up when I did. I couldn't help but think back to the first clear memory I had of him.

Although I didn't fully understand why, my memories of the days I spent in the hospital were hopelessly muddled. I wasn't even sure exactly how long I had been there. Given the fact that I had overheard Carlisle and Alice talking about it almost being spring, I reasoned that it must have been months, but it felt more like I was in the hospital for years.

It was difficult for me to think of the time in the hospital as a series of days or weeks. Unlike most of my life, my memories of those days were not linear; they were more like random flashes that usually seemed out of sequence or like scattered puzzle pieces that I couldn't make fit together. At any one time, a given memory could feel like it had happened first and other times, the same memory felt like it had happened more at the end of my time there.

But the first time I'd seen my hallucination of Anthony, I do remember that I had just woken up to find a doctor leaning over my bed. I couldn't tell you what his name was. Only that he had white hair, was slightly over weight, and he was giving me a smile that was meant to be comforting, but came off as more condescending. It's a look I'd seen from doctors many times. It was the look that said they wanted you to think they cared when they really were just thinking about their next patient or what they were going to have for lunch that day or when their next golf tee time was.

**HOSPITAL FLASHBACK**

"_Hello Isabella," the doctor said. "Glad to see you're awake."_

_He paused as if waiting for me to respond. Since I don't think I'd said more than four words since I'd been here, he was going to be waiting a while. I didn't even care enough to correct him on calling me Bella rather than Isabella. Actually, I didn't want him calling me anything at all. I think I would have preferred 'hey you' or 'miss' at that point. I would rather be called by something as generic and anonymous as I felt. _

_The 'concerned' smile on his face wavered just a bit, but otherwise he didn't show any concern over my silence. "I wanted to let you know that your treatment went well."_

_I had no idea what 'treatment' he was talking about, but my body took that moment to announce that it felt like crap; even more than usual. _

"_You might be suffering some side-effects of the treatment," he continued. "Can you tell me how you feel?" _

_I remained silent as I tried to process things. Great, in addition to the ever-present hole in my chest, I now had some 'side-effects' from a treatment I couldn't remember. Things just got better and better. I ran my hand over my jaw. As if he saw it as some clue, the doctor nodded._

"_Yes, you jaw probably hurts. We give patients a mouth guard but you still clench your jaw pretty hard for a protracted period of time so it can get sore. You'll probably also find you might be feeling some discomfort in your muscles and joints as well, the treatment causes the muscles to clench and spasm."_

_What the hell was this treatment he kept talking about? And why couldn't I remember it?_

_As for feeling 'some' discomfort? This guy was a master of understatement. My entire body ached. It was like the all over body ache that I had when I caught a cold or the flu but it was that times twenty. On top of that, like the cherry on an unpleasant sundae, there was a persistent and annoying itch on the side of my scalp._

_Again, his eyes followed my fingers and they moved to my scalp and I scratched the spot. "Oh, yes," he said almost absently. "We had to shave away some of your hair for the procedure, so you might have some irritation in the area."_

_THEY SHAVED OFF SOME OF MY HAIR! I silently shrieked. My finger traced the spot. Sure enough, I could tell just by feeling that area that I had two circular patches of hair missing. My eyes prickled with sudden tears. _

_I was officially a freak._

_However, he was watching me carefully, like I was a bug on a pin and there was no way I was going to let this asshole doctor see me cry. I bit my lip and forced them back down. He continued to watch me silently for the longest time, but I refused to squirm or act like I was bothered in any way._

"_Can you tell me how you feel?" he asked, repeating his earlier question. A question that I once again refused to answer. "Well, I'll let you rest for now," he finally relented. "We can talk more later."_

_Great, something to look forward to. Even if I was talking, I wouldn't want to talk to this guy. _

_Luckily, I wasn't hooked up to an i.v. because the moment the door had closed behind him, I slid off the bed and hobbled my sore body into the tiny adjoining bathroom. There was no door on the bathroom and the only things in the small room were a toilet, a small sink, a tiny shower stall, and in place of an actual glass mirror, there was a piece of metal that had been highly polished to be reflective enough to be used as a mirror. _

_Flipping on the light, I turned my head to look at my hair. Just as I'd feared, two patches of bare skin stood out from the surrounding hair like large pale polka dots. That combined with the fact that I was thin enough to look like a skeleton with nothing but skin stretched over it, made me almost physically ill. Unable to look at myself, at what I'd become, any longer, I turned the light off and shuffled back into my room. _

_My head snapped up when I heard a snort from the far corner of my room. "What an idiot. I bet your doctor got his medical degree from a correspondence school. Either that or a box of Cracker Jacks."_

_Sure that I couldn't be seeing what I was seeing, I blinked rapidly. When he didn't go away, I stumbled back against the wall. "What...? How...? You... you can't be here." _

_Edward, or Anthony as I would come to know him, stood in the far corner of my room. "Hello, Bella," he said softly._

_My legs gave out and I slid to the floor. Apparently, I'd finally had some kind of serious mental breakdown, because there was no way Edward was actually standing in my room; nor did I want him to be. I didn't want him seeing me in my current state. I ground the heels of my hands into my eyes, as if I could rub out the hallucination I was having._

"_Bella?" he said again and his voice was much closer this time._

_I pulled my hands away and saw him sitting next to me, looking calm, relaxed and beautiful. Suddenly, I couldn't suppress the hysterical laugh that bubbled out of my mouth. I had to slap my hand over my mouth to finally get it to stop._

_He apparently recognized that my laugh was not an amused one. "What's wrong?"_

_Biting down on my hysteria, I stared at him. "Oh, nothing. I've just completely lost my mind, because there is NO way you're here."_

"_You're not crazy, Bella," he sighed. "But I'm not exactly here either."_

_My hysteria slowly faded into confusion. "What do you mean?"_

"_I'm not him, Bella," he said almost apologetically. "I only exist in your mind. You're even talking to me in your mind."_

"_So you're not him, you're just a hallucination of him, and I'm only talking to you in my head," I said as I felt the hysteria start to bubble up again. "And that doesn't make me crazy?" _

_He shook his head. "I won't deny that you're having a hard time right now, and who wouldn't in your place, but no, I don't think you're crazy." He was thoughtful for a moment. "I think you desperately need 'him' right now and without the real him to help you, your mind offered up me as a substitute. At the risk of sounding conceited, I suspect I am your mind's way of keeping you from going crazy."_

_His words calmed me somehow and I regarded him for a long moment. Now that I wasn't panicking or worried that I'd completely lost my marbles, I noticed that his eyes were the vivid bottle green that I always imagined Edw... his had been when he'd been human. I couldn't argue with the fact my hallucination was 'him' and yet he wasn't. I also had to acknowledge that, as much as I didn't want to, I did need him, the real him, but I wasn't going to get him. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. The hallucination sitting next to me was the closest thing to 'him' that I was ever going to have again. _

_I decided that I was going to take what I could get. I was alone now and had nothing to lose. Even a hallucination was better than nothing._

_Unable to stop myself, I reached out to touch him and when my hand passed right through him, I dropped my hand back in my lap. My hallucination didn't seem offended or upset by my actions; he just gave me a slightly bemused smile as he waited for me to say something. _

"_I'm going to call you Anthony," I blurted._

_His expression seemed to be relieved that I'd accepted him. "Okay, I think that's a good idea," he agreed. "I know it's hard to say his name."_

_He stood up and I felt myself panic a little. "You're not leaving already, are you?" I asked._

_Anthony smiled. "No, I just thought it was time we got up off of that cold, hard floor. Now, why don't you get back in bed where you'll be more comfortable and we can talk?" _

_I looked up at him; a little worried that he'd try and make me talk about things that I didn't want to talk about. "What are we going to talk about?"_

"_That's entirely up to you," he said sitting on the foot of my bed. "I'm here to talk about whatever you want to talk about."_

**END HOSPITAL FLASHBACK**

And that was that, Anthony was around a lot after that. True to his words, in the scrambled dark days and weeks that followed, I think that he truly was the only thing that had kept me sane. It occurred to me then that I'd never thanked him for that and I made a note to do just that the next time I saw him.

I sighed. Well, Anthony or no Anthony, I guess the next logical thing for me to do would be to redouble my efforts to resist the wonder that was Edward Cullen in the flesh... or whatever one called vampire skin.

I immediately snorted a little at the thought. Who was I fooling? My actions since he'd returned had established just how ludicrous that idea was. Apparently, for me, resisting him wasn't humanly possible. I had a better chance of getting him to change me than I did of being able to resist him. It was inevitable, I had to accept the fact that he'd do what he wanted and I could only try and deal with it the best that I could.

However, there was something that I knew for sure, and that was the fact that when he left again, there would be nothing left of me. Any desire I had to exist at all would go with him. And since I wasn't going back to any hospital, that meant I wasn't going back to Charlie or Renee. And without Edward, I couldn't stay with the Cullens... assuming they'd even want me, of course, so even the limbo I'd been living in would be gone. No, when that day came, the day _he_ was gone again, I would find a way to rid myself of the pain in my chest once and for all.

Dragging a hand through my hair, I sighed and grabbed onto the edge of the counter. My hip protested again as I pulled myself up off the floor, but I was steady enough once I got up. I wasn't sure how long I'd been in the bathroom, but I suspected that if I stayed in here much longer, they were going to come looking for me.

I turned on the faucet and quickly splashed cold water on my face. I felt marginally better with the evidence of my tears washed away. Pulling a towel off the rack, I scrubbed my face dry and then hung it back up.

Resigned to the fact that I was going to try eating, or more accurately, drinking again and there was a good chance that I'd throw up again, I grabbed two hair bands off of the sink counter and pulled my hair back into a messy, but relatively stable bun. I figured at least my hair would be out of the way when I threw up again.

Just then, there was a light knock on the door. "Bella?" Edward's voice said through the door. "Are you all right? Do you need anything?"

Taking a fortifying breath, I reached for the door knob and opened the door to see him standing on the other side of it.

"Are you all right?" he repeated with a little frown.

He looked so good. Why did he have to look so amazing? When he'd held me after the nightmare I hadn't noticed that he'd showered and changed clothes. Even with a couple feet between us, I could smell the crisp freshness of the soap he always used and just the scent of... Edward. Gone were the ragged, dirty clothes he'd been wearing and in their place were simple jeans and a black t-shirt. Once again I was transported to the time before he'd left. He looked just like the Edward I remembered, the one that I'd seen leaning against his silver Volvo in the school parking lot on the morning of my birthday before things had gone so terribly wrong.

Suddenly, it was all I could do not to bodily throw myself at him and beg him to love me and never leave me again. But through sheer force of will, I stayed where I was. I figured that I'd already humiliated myself enough for one day.

Apparently, he'd seen more in my eyes than I meant him to see, because he went very still. "Bella?" he said quietly. Hope flashed in his eyes as he reached for me, but he dropped his hand before his fingertips could do anything but brush my shoulder.

Rejection washed over me like a cold bucket of water. It shocked me out of my Edward haze and reminded me that it was not all those months ago; it was here and now and things were very different between us.

There was just enough room to slip past him and letting out a breath I hadn't even known I was holding, I limped around him back into the bedroom. Before Edward could say anything more, there was a knock on the door and then Carlisle stepped in with his black doctor's bag in hand.

"Oh, good, you're up," he said casually as if he didn't know I'd had another nightmare. "So, Bella, do you think you're ready to try eating again?"

TBC...

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><p>Next week in Chapter 13...<p>

Bella tries eating again and she, Edward and Esme have a revealing discussion.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. This story is nearing 200 reviews and that makes so happy! I do want to apologize though as I have been lax in replying to your reviews. My life has gotten a bit crazy again and time keeps slipping away from me. But as I've said before, I read and treasure each one of them.

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><p>Last week we saw the Cullens have a big family discussion regarding Bella and how to handle things with her going forward. Edward suggested that they interact with her more, rather than just leaving her alone as they had been. Bella had a nightmare and woke up screaming, but Edward was there to comfort her. Then she needed a human minute and as she was in the bathroom, she remembered that the first time she'd seen Anthony was after a 'treatment' in the hospital (which was doctor speak for an electro shock therapy session).<p>

And now on with chapter 13...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 13<strong>_

**EDWARD**

I knocked lightly on the bathroom door. She'd been in there an awfully long time and I was starting to get concerned. What was she doing in there? What if she refused to come out and I had to go in after her? I hadn't heard much if any noise coming from the bathroom, until I heard the sound of her splashing water on her face, so I had no real clues to what was going on in her mind or behind the closed door.

"Bella?" I asked. "Are you all right? Do you need anything?"

I heard the knob jiggle slightly and then she slowly opened the door. Most of the redness from crying had faded from her eyes and she'd washed the residual tears from her face. With her hair pulled back like it was, she looked fresh and natural. Despite her anorexic thinness and the note of perpetual tiredness that clung to her, she was still my beautiful Bella. Her eyes lifted and met mine.

"Are you all right?" I repeated when she only stared up at me.

And then, like a window opening, something blossomed in her eyes. She looked at me, really looked at me, and it was like she was drinking in the sight of me. Her eyes were full of longing and even a hint of what I read as... desire.

That thought caused something in my chest to shift and hope lodged itself in the silent place where my heart should be. Maybe waking up in my arms, knowing I would be there to save her from the nightmares, had reawakened something in her. Instinctively, I reached for her.

"Bella?" I said quietly.

Remembering that she didn't like to be touched and not wanting to disrupt the moment by startling her, I dropped my hand before I could do more than brush her shoulder.

And just like that, the window closed in her eyes and she was gone again. Where I'd felt hope a moment before, now I only felt crushing disappointment.

Silently, Bella moved around me and limped back into the bedroom. Before I could say anything else to her, Carlisle knocked on the door and came in carrying his bag.

"Oh, good, you're up," he said casually. "So, Bella, do you think you're ready to try eating again?"

At Carlisle's question, I saw Bella start to look toward me, but she seemed to catch herself and she turned back to him. Slowly, I saw her nod.

As he talked to her about some of the things that he was going to try to help her keep food down, I considered what had just happened. Once I pushed aside my feelings of inadequacy, my mind began to analyze Bella's actions and I made an interesting observation. This wasn't the first time this had happened since I'd been back. Once before I'd started to touch her, but had stopped myself at the last minute. And just like a moment ago, when I'd stopped, even the small spark of life had gone out of her eyes.

I know that Bella had made it clear that she startled easily and didn't like to be touched, but I was beginning to wonder. She definitely didn't like to be grabbed, but she hadn't minded my touch when I'd held her after the nightmare, she'd hugged Alice, and I knew that Carlisle had touched her when he examined her without her putting up any resistance. I wondered if her feelings on being touched mimicked her feelings on being left alone. Leaving her alone and not touching her both fed her isolation and made it easier for her to push us away.

If that was the case, then once again, we'd been doing everything wrong. However, this time I was not going to share my theory with my family. In this instance, I was going to test this theory all on my own. I thought... I hoped, that if Bella would accept anyone's touch, it would be mine. In any case, I had to try. My plan was simple, when presented with an opportunity, I would just keep my touch gentle and move slowly and see how she reacted.

Turning my attention back to Bella and Carlisle, I saw him pull out a small vial and a syringe, while Bella had settled herself in her chair.

"Okay, Bella, this medication will help control the nausea, but it may make you a bit drowsy," he explained to her as he prepared to fill the syringe.

She picked up her pad and pencil and wrote something down. I could see from Carlisle's mind what it was when she turned the pad so he could read it.

"_I'm not ready to sleep again,"_ she wrote. _"Could I try it without the meds?"_

It wasn't hard to guess that it was the part about being drowsy that concerned her. After her nightmare earlier, I couldn't blame her for not wanting to sleep. Carlisle looked at her for a moment. I didn't need to read his mind to see the compassion he felt over her fear of sleeping.

"Of course, as I explained, there are other things we can try," he agreed, putting the syringe and the vial back in his bag. "But if they don't work, next time I'd like to try using the medication, all right?"

She nodded and then wrote something else down. _"Thank you."_

Just then Esme knocked on the bedroom door and Carlisle moved to open it for her. "Ah, perfect timing, come in."

Esme, Alice and Rose walked into the room with Esme carrying a small tray. Esme gave me a small hopeful smile, while Alice rolled her eyes at me.

"_Stop looking so worried,"_ Alice's mind reminded me silently. _"This is going to work."_

I nodded mutely as she and Rose stood by me out of the way and Esme stepped forward with a bright smile for Bella as she set the tray on the end table next to Bella's chair. On the tray was a small plastic cup filled with crushed ice, a small empty mug, and a thermal carafe. From the smell, I'd say that the carafe held the broth Bella was supposed to drink.

"Okay, Bella, I'd like you to try eating these ice chips first," Carlisle said handing her the small plastic cup and a spoon. "The ice should help settle your stomach and dilute the stomach acid a bit."

Before taking the cup from him, she scribbled something down on her pad. _"It makes me cold just looking at it. Can I have a blanket?"_

"Oh, yes, dear, of course," Esme said

"I'll get her one," Alice volunteered as she turned to the walk-in closet where I knew she had a number sheets and blankets stored.

Bella took the cup and spoon from Carlisle. From what Alice had told me, I knew that Bella got cold easily, which made sense from a medical standpoint as she has almost no body fat to use for insulation. Alice returned with a soft fleece blanket in her hands which she tucked around Bella's legs.

"There, is that better?" she asked. Bella nodded and smiled as she used the spoon to pick up the first serving of ice chips and put it in her mouth as Alice moved to stand by me again.

"It's better if you suck on the ice, but if you'd rather chew it that's all right too," Carlisle told her. "Once you get that finished, we'll try some broth."

"I made vegetable this time," Esme said proudly.

Bella nodded and proceeded to eat the ice chips. By the time she'd gotten about half-way through the cup, I noticed her fidgeting slightly. Setting down the cup, she picked up her pad and pencil and wrote something down.

She turned the pad to us. _"I feel self-conscious. Please stop watching me like I'm going to explode any minute."_

Esme and Carlisle chuckled a bit. "Sorry, Bella, we didn't realize we were doing that. We'll go downstairs and give you some space."

Since this went against my plan to try and have us be around Bella as much as possible, I started to make an argument as to why I should stay, but Carlisle silently stopped me. _"Don't worry, Edward, I didn't plan on leaving her alone." _

His next words were out loud and directed at Bella. "However, I think someone should stay up here with you while you eat. Who would you like to stay with you?"

Bella wrote the answer on her pad. _"Esme."_

"Of course, I'll stay," Esme said warmly.

My heart sank and I dropped my gaze to the floor. While I was glad Bella wasn't resistant to the idea of someone being with her, I had hoped she would have chosen me. From their expressions and their minds, I knew Rose and Alice were disappointed she hadn't chosen them either.

As I got ready to turn and leave, I glanced at Bella and was a little surprised to find her watching me, her expression unreadable. Slowly, she picked up the pad and wrote something else.

"_... and Edward."_

I worked hard to keep my expression neutral, but it was all I could do not imitate Emmett by giving a fist pump to the air or starting a victory dance through the bedroom. I know it was a small thing, a tiny baby step in our relationship, but it made me incredibly happy.

"If that's what you want, I would be glad to stay, Bella," I said calmly.

"_Lucky bastard,"_ Rose's mind grumbled as she and Alice left the room. I could hardly blame them for feeling resentful that Bella had chosen me over them. They'd saved her and taken care of her; it was only natural that they felt a little possessive of her.

"I'll come back to check on you in a bit," Carlisle told her. "If you need anything, let Esme and Edward know." Bella nodded as she continued to eat the ice and Carlisle left.

Esme pulled up a chair and sat next to Bella, while I sat on the floor facing her with my back against the window and tried not to stare at her.

"_Perhaps we should make some small talk so that Bella won't feel so self-conscious,"_ Esme's mind suggested silently.

I nodded and started the conversation. "I've been meaning to tell you, Esme, the house looks wonderful. It looks nothing like it did when we first bought it back in the 70's."

She beamed with pride. She always loved to talk about the restoration work she did on houses. "It came out well, didn't it?"

"Yes, are you finished with the renovations or do you have some things to finish yet?"

"It's pretty much finished," she replied. "I still have some final touches done to the exterior paint, but otherwise, it's complete. It helped that I'd already done the major renovations on the plumbing and the electrical systems not long after we bought it. This round of renovations was mostly cosmetic, but it was still a bit of a challenge since it's a historical site. The current Ithaca Historical Society is much more stringent about their historic sites than it was back in the 70's and 80's."

"I can imagine," I replied as I glanced at Bella, who I saw was frowning at us. She'd finished the ice chips and was just holding onto the cup as she looked between the two of us.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked quietly. I was worried that the ice was already upsetting her stomach.

She hesitated for a moment. Then she put the empty cup down on the tray and picked up her pad and started to write. When she was done, she turned it around for us to read.

"_Ithaca Historical Society? Ithaca as in Ithaca, New York?"_

Esme nodded. "That's right, dear," she answered, confused by Bella's question. "The house is in Ithaca so it's part of their historical society."

Her frown now even more pronounced, Bella looked down at her hands for a moment, staring at the pad and gripping the pencil as if she had something more to say but either didn't know how or was too embarrassed to say it.

"What is it, Bella?" I prodded her.

Esme and I exchanged looks but the three of us were silent. Then Bella finally wrote something else.

"_I didn't know."_

Now it was my turn to frown. "Didn't know what?" I asked. But Bella didn't answer. Still staring down at her hands, she only bit her lip slightly and fidgeted a little in her chair.

And then the answer came to me with a jolt.

"You didn't know that you were in Ithaca, did you? You didn't know where we were living," I guessed. She slowly shook her head lightly in reply.

Esme gasped slightly and I felt the remorse in her mind. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't realize... none of us did. But of course you didn't know. How could you have known? You were unconscious when Alice and Rose brought you here and since you've been here, no one thought to tell you where we were and you haven't left the house or even watched TV."

Bella looked over at Esme and gave her a small smile as if to say it was all right._ "It's not your fault," _she wrote.

"But we should have realized," Esme said. "I really am sorry."

"_How long have I been here?" _she asked next.

Esme and I exchanged a look and then Esme answered. "You've been here almost a month."

"_What month is it?"_

"It's April," Esme told her. "April 10th."

I tried not to let my concern over her lack of knowledge on the most basic of information show. "What do you remember about coming here?" I asked.

Bella started writing again, the words tumbling out onto the paper. _"I woke up and saw Carlisle and assumed I was in one of your houses and I didn't think it was in Forks, but didn't know where or how I got here. The first few days I was here are so fuzzy. I just remember that everything hurt. I thought maybe I was hallucinating about being here at all. I was worried I was still in the hospital in Jacksonville. The hospital WAS in Jacksonville, right?"_

"Alice and Rose brought you here and yes, the hospital was in Jacksonville," I said gently.

She paused for a moment and then wrote down her next question. _"Did Renee put me in the hospital?"_ she wrote next.

"You don't remember?" Esme said carefully.

"_Not really. I remember Charlie forcing me to go live with her. I assumed she put me there, but don't actually remember it."_

Carlisle had told me that he wasn't sure what the shock treatments and the medications had done to Bella's memory. Now I could see just how scrambled it was, at least from just before her time in the hospital and just after Alice and Rose had brought her here.

"Do you remember being in the hospital?" I asked even though I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

Dropping her eyes, she was still for a long time. Then, without looking up again, she wrote something down. _"Some of it. They..." _Her fingers stopped writing and I saw her hand tremble slightly.

"It's okay, Bella. Don't be afraid," I said quietly.

Slowly I reached forward and gently laid my hand on her blanket covered knee. To my relief she didn't flinch or pull away. Instead, she shifted her gaze to look at my hand where it rested against her. After a moment, she started to write again.

"_I didn't like it there. They wouldn't let me leave." _Her hand trembled around the pencil again._ "They... hurt me there." _

Carefully, I moved my hand to cover hers. "You'll never have to go there again," I told her.

Her eyes finally came up to meet mine and I saw her blink rapidly as she tried not to cry. She pulled her hand out from under mine so she could write something else. _"I don't want to talk about it anymore." _

I moved my hand back to her knee and lightly patted it. "It's all right, you don't have to."

"_Did you all come here after you left Forks?" _she wrote next, clearly trying to change the subject.

"The rest of the family did," I said. "I didn't."

Bella frowned. _"Where did you go?"_

I decided that I had to be honest with her. "I was tracking Victoria. First to Texas and then to South America."

She started scribbling again. _"You were tracking Victoria? But why?"_

Again, I went with the truth. "She was a threat to you, Bella. I had to make sure she wouldn't come after you." I sighed. "Unfortunately, I found that I'm not very good at tracking. I never did catch up with her."

Bella stared at me for a long moment, her expression confused; almost as if she was trying to figure out a really difficult math problem, but she didn't question me further. After a moment, she glanced at Esme and then wrote down something else.

"_What have you been doing in Ithaca? Is everyone going to school again?" _ Clearly, she was directing this question to Esme in an obvious attempt to change the subject again.

Esme smiled. "No, not this time. They don't always go to school and this time they wanted a break." Reaching over, she picked up the thermal carafe and poured some of the still warm vegetable broth into a mug that was only about half the size of the one she'd used earlier and handed it to Bella. "Here, why don't you slowly sip on this while I tell you what we've been up to? Carlisle said to only drink what you can and to stop if you start to feel full."

Bella nodded, set the pad aside and took the mug in her small hands. She took a sip and gave Esme a tentative smile of approval.

"Now, let's see. We're in Ithaca; you probably know that's in upstate New York. Carlisle is working as a doctor at a small hospital in Ithaca and then he's teaching nights at Cornell. Jasper's been studying philosophy at Cornell too, also at night."

Apparently enthralled by the news of our family, Bella continued to slowly sip the broth as Esme talked.

"Alice as been keeping herself busy with shopping and researching her human background."

Keeping the mug in one hand, Bella moved her free hand to the table to scribble something down on the pad. _"What did she find out?"_

"I'll have to let her tell you herself," Esme said and from the living room I heard Alice give a delighted squeal at the idea. "It wasn't a lot, but I know she'd love to share the news with you on her own." Bella nodded as Esme continued. "Oh, and then there's Emmett and Rosalie, they went to Europe for a few months on yet another honeymoon but they returned a few weeks before you came back to us. And as for me, I've been restoring this house. It dates back to the seventeenth century, but we bought it back in the 1970's and I did quite a bit of work on it then, but we haven't actually lived here before so I thought it was time to finally finish the job."

As Esme finished talking, Bella smiled a bit and held out her mug.

"All finished?" Esme said as she looked into the mug and found it empty. "How do you feel? Any nausea?"

Bella picked up the pad and pencil again. _"Feel okay. A little full, but not uncomfortable like before."_

"Good!" Esme said brightly. Carlisle had heard us and came in to check on her. Alice was right behind him.

"How are you doing Bella?" he asked when he saw that she had indeed finished the small mug of broth. Bella showed him what she'd written earlier. "That's excellent. I think the problem the first time was trying to drink too much. But it looks like the ice chips and the smaller portion did the trick. If the broth stays down we'll try again tomorrow morning."

Alice sent me a smug look. _"See, I told you it would work." _ I just sent her a little glare.

Bella glanced at me and then started writing. When she turned the pad around so I could read it, I was stunned to see she was actually smirking at me. So stunned, it took me a minute to remember to read what had inspired said smirk.

"_I think you owe me an hour of hunting, Mr. Cullen."_

I couldn't help but grin. Although I knew the journey back was going to be long, it was wonderful to see her finally starting to show glimpses of the Bella that we all knew and loved. "Hmmm," I said thoughtfully. "I don't know if the first time counts. After all, what you ate didn't stay down while mine did."

She raised an eyebrow and I was glad to see that she knew I was teasing her as she wrote her response._ "I ate it,"_ she pointed out. _"Deal was for every meal I ate, or in this case drank, you would hunt for an hour. You didn't specify that what I ate had to STAY down."_

"Well, you have me there." I sighed dramatically as I got to my feet. "I concede the field of battle due to a technicality. I'll go hunt."

"And while you go hunt, I'll tell her what I found out about my human life," she said bouncing with excitement over getting to talk to Bella. "If that's okay with Bella."

I appreciated the fact that she was asking Bella rather than using her standard method of just steamrolling over people.

Bella glanced from me to Alice and with a little smile, nodded.

"Yay!" Alice said with a clap of her hands.

"I think that's our cue too, Esme. Let's give Alice and Bella some time together," Carlisle said as she gathered up the tray. I could hear in their minds that both of them were thrilled with Bella's progress over the last hour. "Now, Bella, if you start to feel nauseous or ill, you be sure to let us know, all right?" Bella nodded.

The light outside was fading quickly now that the sun had dipped behind the trees, so as Carlisle followed Esme out into the hall, he reached over and switched on a lamp to chase away the growing shadows in the room.

"I'll be back to check on you later," he promised with a kind smile and he walked out.

"And I'll be back in an hour," I told Bella before I turned to my sister. "Behave yourself," I grumbled tugging on one of Alice's dark, spiky locks.

Alice stuck her tongue out at me. _"She's mine for a whole hour, so get lost, big brother," _her mind instructed.

I rolled my eyes and after giving Bella one last glance, I headed for the door as Alice started telling her as much about her human life as she'd been able to uncover. I'd already seen it in her mind, so none of it was news to me.

"My name was Mary Alice Brandon..." she began as I stepped outside into the early twilight of evening and ran into the forest.

TBC...

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><p>Well, I hope you liked that chapter, I know it was a little shorter and not terribly exciting, but Bella won't be fixed in a day and I thought Esme and Edward's discussion with Bella was kind of revealing. It showed just how fragmented Bella's memory was and the fact that she didn't even know where they were living or how long she'd been there. I can only imagine how disorienting that would feel and it is feeding into her feelings of isolation. On the plus side, Bella is apparently eating again and this time she was able to keep it down which is definitely a step in the right direction.<p>

_**Next week: **_Alice tells Bella what she found out about her past and Bella questions Alice about why she and the Cullens left without even saying good-bye. Then she gives Alice an earful about what Edward said to her in the forest before he left her. Alice's response is... well, let's just say she and the rest of the family are NOT happy with how Edward handled things. Hope to see you back next week!

Oh, one more thing (and if you're still reading this, I commend you), is anyone interested in reading the other Twilight story I've been working on? It's called 'Quantum Dots' and it takes place 10 years after Breaking Dawn and follows Bella, Edward, Renesmee, Jake and the rest of the Cullens as they move to Wyoming. It's a much lighter story than 'Breakdown' but it will have it's share of angst too when they're faced with a new unknown threat that could destroy them all. It will also be VERY long. I've currently got about 25 chapters written and I figure that is about 25% - 30% of the total story. I've been toying with trying to start posting it too but I was hoping to finish 'Breakdown' first.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. This story is has over 217 reviews now which makes me want to do the Snoopy dance of joy. Each review is like my own little Woodstock that I want to coo over and hold close (sorry for the over abundance of "Peanuts" references today).

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Bella was able to eat (or drink in this case) and finally keep something down and then Edward and Esme had a talk with her during which they found out just how scrambled her memory is from her time in the hospital. Edward left to go hunting and Alice sat down to talk to Bella and tell her what she'd learned about her human life.

This new chapter is a bit longer than the previous ones and I think it will help to further unlock Bella's mental state and how she got to the point she did. I hope you enjoy it.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 14<strong>_

**ALICE**

Excited beyond words that I was finally getting to talk to Bella in what was, admittedly, a lose variation of a conversation since she wouldn't actually be speaking, I dropped into the chair that Esme had vacated and began to tell Bella what I had found out about myself in the months we'd been away from her.

"My name was Mary Alice Brandon..." I began. "I went through a bunch of old newspapers and records and found out that I grew up near Biloxi, Mississippi and had a younger sister named Cynthia. She passed away a few years ago, but her daughter, my niece Charlotte, is alive and still lives in Biloxi. I couldn't find out much about my parents. They were apparently pretty simple people and never did much to warrant being in the newspaper. I did find their engagement announcement and my sister's. I was also able to find an announcement about my birth and my death." I looked down at my wedding ring, which I was wearing again since we weren't supposed to be playing at being high school students, and idly played with it as I talked. "I even found my grave. Makes me wonder what I would have found if I'd dug it up."

I was a little stunned when Bella silently reached out and laid her small hand over mine and gave it a squeeze. It was only the second time since she'd been here that she'd voluntarily initiated any kind of physical touch with me; the first being the hug she'd given me earlier. The feeling of her skin on mine reminded me of a gentle summer shower warming my skin and it settled something inside me; something that had been at odds since the day we'd left Forks, but that was now in its proper place. It almost felt like I had my best friend back.

I let out a breath. "I also stole my admission sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission record and the date of my death are the same. I guess my parents figured that once I went in, I wouldn't be coming back out and they were done with me."

Bella's eyes held a note of sympathetic sadness in them as I said that and I knew she had to see at least a little bit of a parallel between her time in the hospital and mine in the asylum. _"Doesn't make it right and I'm not defending them, but maybe they just didn't know what to do with you," _she wrote._ "Like Charlie and Renee didn't know what to do with me."_

My first instinct was to snap back at her and say that was no excuse for them abandoning me in that horrible place, but I couldn't find it in my heart to do that to her. If anyone knew how I felt or had a right to guess at what my parents motivations had been in sending me to that place, it would be Bella. I imagined she was having her own issues trying to reconcile how her own parents could put her in the hospital and, at least to a degree, give up on her like they had.

"I suppose. I just wish I knew why they did it," I said quietly. "I know seeing visions would have made me strange, even a freak, especially back during the time I was human, but when I was human my gift also wouldn't have been nearly as pronounced as it is now. Was I really so terrible?"

"_Of course you weren't terrible,"_ she wrote. _"Maybe your gift scared them. People are often afraid of what they don't understand."_

Again, I knew she was right, but it didn't make the truth of what had happened to me go down any easier. After giving my hand another squeeze, she started to write something else.

"_How long were you in the asylum?"_

I let out a breath. "According to the information given in my obituary, my admission date to the hospital, and the year it was when I woke up from my change, I'd say about ten years. I went in when I was seven and was changed when I would have been seventeen."

Bella gasped softly, and then she started to write. "_10 years? James said you were locked in the dark for a long time, but 10 years? I can't imagine how horrible that was for you." _Sadness crept back into her eyes as she continued to write. _"I was only in hospital for..."_ With a frown, she looked up at me questioningly.

From what I'd heard of her earlier conversation with Esme and Edward, I knew her memory was fractured from that time, but seeing it first hand was difficult.

"About three months," I supplied quietly.

Turning away to look off into the darkening forest for a long moment, she looked as if she was contemplating that and then she started writing again. _"3 months and it almost..."_

She didn't finish the sentence, but she really didn't need to. I knew what she was thinking. Three months in the hospital and it had almost killed her.

"_You're a stronger person than me,"_ Bella wrote. _"I wouldn't have made it 10 months, much less 10 years."_

I turned my hand so our hands were lightly clasped together. Another little jolt of relief went through me when she didn't pull her hand away.

"But you did make it, Bella," I pointed out. "And now you're here and safe with us," I told her.

Rather than encouraging her as I'd intended, my words seem to cause a flash of something that looked like hopelessness to cross her face and I could feel her trying to mentally withdraw again as she dropped her eyes to stare at the pad and pencil in her lap. I was going to say something more, something to reassure her somehow, but she started writing again before I could.

"_Did you learn anything more about the vampire that changed you?"_

I sighed inwardly. Clearly, she was trying to change the subject. Every time we tried to talk about her being here with us, she seemed to curl into herself. I suspected that Edward was right and she thought that we only meant to keep her with us temporarily. I didn't think that simply telling her how wrong she was would change her mind. We were going to have to show her and that was going to take time, so I didn't push her on it.

"No, I didn't learn anything about him at all. After all this time, I had a little trouble tracking down the names of all the doctors and male staff that were working there when I was a patient, but the names I did find didn't sound like any vampires I had ever heard of. Carlisle didn't recognize any of the names either. So all I know about my sire is what James told you, which isn't much."

She nodded, but didn't write down any other comments. I was silent for a moment as I considered the best way to broach my next topic with her. I was worried it could go the same way as my attempt to get her to talk about being with us permanently, but I knew I had to try.

"Bella, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," I ventured.

She looked at me with a combination of interest and wariness. I wish the latter of those two was not there, but I couldn't say that I was really surprised that it was.

"I won't pretend to know what it was like for you in the hospital, but I want to say I'm sorry that you had to go through that."

The wariness in her eyes instantly increased and now she did try and pull her hand away.

"No, Bella, please," I begged trying to hold onto her hand without hurting her. "Please don't pull away. I know you don't want to talk about it and you don't have to. I just want to tell you something, okay? Or more accurately, show you something. Something that might let you know that you're not alone and that, even beyond the fact that we were both placed in so-called 'mental-health facilities,' there's something else we have in common." She wasn't struggling to pull her hand away any more but her eyes remained wary. "Please...?"

Bella sat very still for a long time, but just when I thought she would refuse, she slowly nodded.

My free hand moved to my hair and I lifted the longer strands away exposing the two shaved areas on the right side of my head, then I did the same thing on the left side. The wariness in Bella's expression vanished and was replaced by a kind of horrified fascination as she watched me. Then she lifted her own hand to the spots on my head and touched them gingerly. Then she did the same for the spots on the one side of her head. When her eyes met mine again, I could see that she had come to the same conclusion Carlisle and I had. Our spots were not random.

"Yes, Bella," I confirmed. "Carlisle and I think that you and I both had electro-shock treatments when were in the hospital."

She looked at me with a frown and then began to write. _"Electro-shock treatments? Is that what they did to me? I thought they only did that in the movies."_

I blinked at her in surprise. She didn't know? How could she NOT know? Okay, those were both slightly hypocritical questions, I couldn't remember the 'treatments' either. If I hadn't recognized the patches on Bella's head and Carlisle hadn't mentioned they were from the electro-convulsive therapy they'd given her in the hospital, I wouldn't know exactly what the 'treatments' were either.

"You didn't know they'd given you electro-shock treatments?" I asked her.

"_No, I think they just called them 'treatments'," s_he explained._ "They never told me what kind and my memory is so messed up that even if they had told me I probably still wouldn't have remembered." _

I nodded. "You signed a release form so they must have told you at some point, but with your memory loss, it's not hard to understand why you don't remember. Carlisle only knew about it because he read it in your medical file."

I watched a frown deepen on her face as she rubbed the shaved spots on her head and considered what I'd said.

"I didn't tell you about it to upset you," I backpedaled. "I just wanted you to know that you weren't the only one who'd gone through something like that and that you're not alone."

She must have heard the anxiety in my voice because her eyes lifted to mine and giving my hand a little squeeze she nodded to let me know it was okay.

Feeling relieved, I gave her a bright smile. "On the upside, you can't remember much about it and I can't remember anything about it." I gave her a little laugh, but it sounded more nervous than amused. "Actually, from everything we've found out, I think our lack of memory might be a blessing." I sighed a little. "I do wish I could remember my sister, though."

Careful not to startle her or touch her too much, I slowly reached out and gently tucked a piece of hair behind Bella's ear. "But that's okay, I have Jasper and a whole new family now, including you and Rose as sisters and you're all I need."

Like a dark cloud crossing in front of the sun, pain washed through her eyes. I was so surprised by it that when she tried to pull her hand away again, I didn't stop her. As I watched, she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her torso. To make matters worse, I wasn't getting any kind of vision of what was happening.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked trying not to panic. "Are you not feeling well? Should I get Carlisle?"

She didn't make any move to answer me right away and I started to pull out my cell phone to call Carlisle. He and the rest of the family had gone out hunting right after Edward had to give Bella and I some time alone. My hand froze in my pocket, however, when Bella looked up at me with eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Releasing the death grip on her torso, she reached out and picked up the pad and pencil.

"_You don't have to lie to make me feel better, Alice."_

I was so caught off guard it took me a minute to sputter out an answer. "What...? Lie...? What do you mean? I'm not lying."

_"I know I'm not your sister, you don't need to pretend that I am."_

I was completely dumbfounded by her response. "Well, I know we're not genetically related," I fumbled. "But I love you like my sister. I couldn't love you more even if we had been born that way."

Bella shook her head sadly, and then started writing again. _"Come on, Alice, I'm not talking about genetics. It's okay, it's just you and me. You can be honest."_

"But I am being honest," I said, still baffled by what she was saying. "Why would you think I'm lying?"

"_I'm not good enough to be part of your family. I'm just a plain, ordinary human."_

I blinked rapidly at her. "What? Why would you think that!" I demanded.

As had become her habit, she answered my question with one of her own. "_Why did you leave me, Alice?"_ There was a mixture of anger and sadness on her face as she wrote the words. _ "You were my best friend. I never had a best friend before."_

My throat tried to close up and I swallowed hard. I'd been waiting for this conversation with a lot of trepidation. I suspected that it wasn't only Edward's leaving that had hurt Bella.

"I had to, Bella. I didn't want to. Edward thought it was for the best."

My words only seemed to make her sadder and it was hard for me to even meet her eyes I felt so guilty. "_You didn't even say good-bye."_

"I know and I feel terrible about that. Edward thought a clean break would be better." I saw Bella actually flinch when I said 'clean break.'

"_I know, he told me. I didn't believe him at first. But don't worry, I understand now."_

If I'd still been human, I was pretty sure I'd be nauseous right about now. I had done so much more damage than I'd ever realized. "What exactly do you understand?" I asked cautiously.

"_You chose Edward over me, it's okay. He's your brother. You should choose him and your family. I know I'm nothing. Just a human."_

I hated that she kept saying that. "Bella! Stop that," I yelled at her. "You're not nothing. You've never been nothing. You really were my best friend."

Rather than comforting or reassuring her, my words only seemed to agitate Bella. She scribbled something on the pad and threw it on the table between us as she pushed herself out of the chair and paced, or more accurately, limped away from me. Hesitantly, I picked up the pad to read what she'd written.

"_Alice you don't have to lie any more, I really do understand," _she'd written. Apparently she'd had not been listening to what I was saying._ "I wasn't good enough to keep you as a friend and I certainly wasn't good enough to keep Edward."_

I went from frustrated to confused again and I felt the frown on my forehead deepen as my eyes snapped up to hers. "What do mean you weren't good enough to keep me or Edward?"

Still as a statue, Bella stood at the wall of windows with her back to me and her arms wrapped around herself, but she didn't make any move like she was planning to write down an answer. This entire discussion had been hard for me in more ways than one. In addition to the emotional reckoning, I hadn't gotten anything by way of a new vision so as to know how things were going to come out. The last strong thing I'd seen was her continuing to eat. I could only assume my lack of visions was because Bella hadn't made any decisions and because her future and emotional state were in such limbo right now, but honestly, it was throwing me off. Especially in intense situations, I relied heavily on my visions to know what direction I should take. Without them, I felt like I was stumbling along blindly, afraid that anything I might do or say would set her back or make things worse.

I let out a little sigh. But I also knew that I couldn't run away from this and, despite what she was accusing me of, I couldn't lie to her just because I thought it might make her feel better; too much had happened for that. Slowly, I stood up and with the pad and pencil in hand and walked over to her. When she still didn't acknowledge me, I held the pad and paper out in front of her.

"Please tell me what you meant," I pleaded. "What did you mean you weren't good enough?"

There was another long, silent pause and then I saw a lone tear fall down her cheek. Almost angrily, she swiped it away and snatched the pad and pencil from me and started to write. Before that moment, I'd never seen anyone write something that caused them physical pain, but I as I watched her write, pain all but radiated from her. When she was done, she thrust it back at me and turned back to the window.

"_He told me he didn't want me because I wasn't good enough for him, that I didn't belong in his world, and that he was tired of pretending. He also said he was sorry he'd let things between us go on for so long."_

"When the hell did he tell you that?" I demanded, trying not to let my quickly rising anger at my brother take over. "Was it that day in the forest before he left?"

At first I didn't think she was going to acknowledge my last question, but then, finally, she nodded.

Anger flashed through me like fire. It made so much sense now. I'd only had a general vision of the two them standing in the forest so I'd never known what he'd said to Bella on that last day. Before hand, when I told him I wanted to at least say good-bye to her, he told me he would take care of talking to her and explain why we had to leave. And afterward, well, I hadn't seen him afterward, because he started tracking Victoria just as soon as he'd left Forks.

But obviously there were a whole lot of things that he'd neglected to mention to me, or to any of us, about what he'd said to Bella. However, for the time being, I had to shove down my anger. But I had every intention of storing it for when I saw Edward next and then he'd better look out because I planned on letting him have it.

Slowly enough that I didn't startle her, but quickly enough that she couldn't move away, I put my arms around her. She started to resist, but unlike my previous attempts to hug her, there was no real strength or heat behind her struggles this time.

"None of it is true, Bella," I told her quietly. "And my brother is a complete moron."

Her feeble struggles against my hold stopped and I felt relief well in my chest when her arms went around me as she pressed her face against my neck. I could smell the saltiness of her tears and even though she was quiet, I knew she was crying. I hoped that meant that I was finally getting through to her.

"Come on, let's sit down," I maneuvered her back over to the recliner and I pulled her into my lap as we sat down.

She curled into me as I rocked her in the chair for a moment. "I know that after all you've been through, this is going to be hard for you to believe, but I swear on the contents of my closet, that what I'm about to tell you is absolutely true."

Bella still had her face buried against my neck, but she wasn't struggling, so I saw it as my chance, maybe the only one I was going to get if I screwed this up.

"The real reason that we left was to try and keep you safe. It was never because you weren't good enough for us or that you were anything less than amazing. Edward was worried that what happened on your birthday might happen again with even more dire consequences and he wanted you to have a chance at the normal life he thought he was cheating you out of. We all fought him on it, even Esme, but in the end we gave into him." I squeezed her. "I don't know why Edward told you the things he did, but I know now that I was wrong not to say goodbye. I'm sorry we didn't fight harder to stay with you and I'm sorry that we weren't here for you when you needed us. Won't you please let us try to make it up to you?"

I waited for some type of response, but the only one I got for quite a while was a tightening of her arms around me and her tears falling even faster as I continued to rock her slowly. She wasn't pulling away or arguing with me so I took it as a good sign. Whatever was going through her mind, I felt like this was a beginning for us to find our way back to being friends... and sisters and that was good enough for me.

After a few minutes, she finally reached over and picked up the pad and pen from the table where I'd dropped it. Now that she'd made a decision, I had a vision of what she was going to write before she'd even finished.

As she turned the pad around so I could read it, the simple words matched those in my vision and they would have made me cry if I'd still been able to.

"_I missed you." _

Touched that she was at least trying to reach out to me, I squeezed her tighter. "Oh, Bella. I've missed you too."

Thirty minutes later, I was sitting alone on the couch waiting for my family to return. Mentally, I was trying to keep a grip on my rising temper. I kept telling myself that I couldn't just rip Edward's limbs off the second he walked in like I wanted to, but I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to fully contain myself once I saw him. Because of my own indecision on exactly how to respond to what I'd learned, I didn't even have a vision of what was coming.

I still could not believe he'd said all those things to Bella. It was no wonder she was so broken. We were probably lucky she hadn't killed herself outright.

Finally, I heard someone coming and Edward stepped through the door first with the rest of the family close behind him. He looked wind blown and slightly flushed with the blood from his hunt coursing through him. He even looked a little happy, which only made me madder; I wanted him to be as upset as I was.

The minute he was in the door I couldn't hold back my anger any longer and I didn't even have to think about what to do, I just reacted. I was on him immediately, pummeling him with my fists. "You big stupid jerk! How could you do that to her? How could you hurt her like that?" I demanded.

He tried to fend me off but didn't have much luck as we stumbled across the room until he was pressed against the far wall. The rest of the family had gathered behind us as they came in and were watching us with varying degrees of curiosity, and in Emmett's case, amusement.

"Alice, what the hell are you talking about?" he demanded between blows that weren't hard enough to do anything but annoy him.

I knew the moment he saw my conversation with Bella in my mind because even the small amount of color he'd gotten from hunting drained rapidly out of his face.

"Oh, God," he whispered.

"God's not going to help you now!" I yelled as I continued to hit him. "Your ass is mine."

As Edward slumped against the wall in defeat, Jasper lightly grabbed my wrists. "Calm down, darlin'. Now what's goin' on?"

I snapped my head around to look at him. "You want to know what's going on?" I growled angrily as he still held my wrists. "I found out from Bella today that before Edward left Forks, he took her into the forest and rather than just saying that we were leaving to protect her, he told her he didn't want her because she wasn't good enough for him, that she didn't belong in his world, he was tired of pretending, and that he was sorry he'd let things between them go on for so long."

For half a second you could have heard a pin drop in the room. Carlisle was the first to recover.

"Son, is that true?" he asked.

Edward, who was still slumped against the wall, now with his hands gripping his hair like he wanted to pull it out if he could, merely nodded. After that, everyone else in the room was quick to add their own comment.

"Oh, Edward," Esme said.

"What the hell, man?" Emmett bellowed.

Rose actually growled at him. "You son of a bitch." From her tone I suspected that since Jasper was restraining me, she was debating whether wanted to take a few swings at Edward herself or not.

As for Jasper, his now angry gaze flickered from me to Edward. Then he simply released my wrists and, taking a step back, held his hand out toward Edward in a 'go ahead' gesture for me. I didn't need to be told twice and I went back to pummeling my brother.

"How could you say that to her!" I screeched as Edward didn't even flinch or try to physically defend himself against my blows. "You couldn't just tell her we were leaving to protect her, you had to break her too!"

"It's no wonder she thinks you and the rest of us don't really want her and that we'll leave her again!" Rose added.

"I was so stupid! I can't believe I let you talk me into leaving her, especially without saying goodbye. She feels like I betrayed her by not saying goodbye and at this point, I can't say that I blame her," I ranted as my fists continued to beat on his chest and shoulders. "And then when I saw she wasn't doing well, I stood by and did NOTHING to help her because of my misguided loyalty to you!"

Guilt stabbed through me like a dull, rusty knife and part of me realized that at least part of the punishment I was pouring out on Edward was also directed at myself.

"Bella was my friend too. But where was my loyalty to HER?" I ranted. "If I'd done something sooner we probably could have saved her from being attacked."

The entire family watched Edward and I with varying degrees of anger and disappointment, but they weren't doing anything to stop me. Under my blows, Edward had slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor with his face buried in his hands. It was all I could do to keep myself from kicking him.

"Well, don't just sit there like a stone! Say something!" I yelled, stopping my assault on him long enough for him to answer.

He finally lifted his face to us and I could see the pain and regret that were deeply etched into it. Guilt over his pain started to war with the anger inside me; for the moment, the anger continued to dominate.

"I'm sorry!" He all but wailed it.

I think if he'd had the ability to cry, he'd be doing it right about now. As it was, his voice was rough and choked with painful emotion.

"You have to believe me," he continued. "I tried just telling her that we were leaving and that it was for the best. I also tried telling her that what happened at the party could have been so much worse and that we had to leave before something worse happened," Edward insisted. "But it wasn't working! She wasn't going to let me go! So I lied. I HAD to lie. I know it was wrong, but it was the only thing I could think of to do! I didn't think she'd believe me, I still can't believe that she did. And I had no idea she'd take it heart so completely! How could she not know how much I love her? How much I'll always love her?"

"Don't you dare blame her because she believed your bullshit!" Rose spat from behind me. From the sound of her voice, she was still debating if she was going to help me start pummeling him again. "Except for the fact that she loved you and wanted to be part of this family, nothing about this is her fault."

"I know it's not," he insisted. "That's not what I meant. I know it's my fault. All of it. I just didn't know it would hurt her so much. I just wanted her to have a chance at a safe and happy life."

"Well, mission NOT accomplished, idiot!" I growled as I kicked him in the shin.

**ESME**

When I saw Alice kick Edward, I decided that this had gone far enough. "All right, Alice, that's enough!" I said pulling her away from him. "Beating the stuffing out of Edward is not going to help Bella or fix the situation."

"No, but it makes me feel a little better," Alice snapped lunging at Edward again.

Only my grip on her arm kept her from starting in on him again. "Stop it!" I yelled.

My tone had everyone in the room snapping to attention and going perfectly still. It wasn't often that I raised my voice, but when I did, they knew to listen. "I said, that is enough! You will leave Edward alone. Do I make myself clear?"

Alice sighed, her shoulders drooping a little. "Yes, Esme."

"Now, as I was saying, we need to focus on fixing this situation, not fighting with each other."

Edward's eyes were beseeching. "That's just it, Esme, I've tried to apologize and tell her why we left, but she won't believe me! I would do anything to fix it, but I've made such a mess of things I don't know if I can!"

Relatively sure that Alice wouldn't attack him again; I released her arm and moved over to Edward. I hated seeing the broken and discouraged look on his face. He was right about things being a mess, but to me, that just meant that it was high time we got serious about cleaning it up.

"Well, you can start by getting up off the floor. Come on," I coaxed him into getting to his feet. "And everyone else can just calm down. I think we need to have another family meeting, but first things first." Keeping a firm grip on Edward's arm, I turned to Alice. "Where's Bella now? She's probably wondering what in the world's going on with us all yelling at each other."

"No, she's asleep," Alice told us. "She was exhausted from our talk and everything else that's happened today and she fell asleep in my arms a little bit ago. I put her to bed, sedated her and started her feeding. She wouldn't have heard anything."

I nodded. "Good. Now then, let's all go sit down and discuss this like rational people."

I tugged Edward toward the wide sectional couch in the living room. Rose and Alice glared at him, but didn't say anything as everyone followed after us. Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice settled themselves on one end of the couch and Carlisle, Edward and I settled on the other.

"Now, Edward," I began by taking his hand. "The spirit of what you tried to do was noble, but how you did it was decidedly not. Bella had always been sweet and forgiving, but I've long suspected that her innate shyness might come from some deep-seeded self-esteem issues. I imagine hearing those words from you would have been extraordinarily painful for her."

Edward looked down at the floor. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't try to use some of her insecurities to get her to let me go," he admitted. "I remembered what happened between her and Charlie when James was after her and Charlie wouldn't let her leave to go to Phoenix. She said things to him that she knew would hurt him the most. She hated it, but she did it and it worked. He ended up letting her go without much of a fight."

"Yes, and even after she came back from Phoenix, it took months for Charlie to get over what she'd said to him," Alice snapped back at him. "In any case, this wasn't the same thing! Once Jasper got control of himself, Bella wasn't in any danger, not like she was back when James was after her. What you did was unnecessarily cruel!"

"Be that as it may," I cut in before anyone could say anything more. "What's done is done. Now the question is, do we want to fix it or do we want to keep fighting about it?"

"Well, I did kind of enjoy seeing the pixie pound on him," Emmett said with a smirk.

I sent a glare of my own at Emmett. I swear, I loved the boy as my own, but sometimes he seriously tried my patience. I sent Rose a look that she read all too easily. Reaching over, she cuffed Emmett in the head for me.

"Thank you, Rose," I said primly. "That was a rhetorical question, Emmett. Of course, what we all want is to try and repair the damage that was done to Bella when we left, right?" I looked around the room at everyone and they all nodded, except for Emmett who was too busy rubbing his head.

"RIGHT, Emmett?" I said pointedly.

"Yeah, yeah, of course," he groused still rubbing his head. "Geez, no one can take a joke."

I ignored him. "While the new information that Alice found out today is distressing, it's also another piece of the puzzle as to why Bella has gotten to the point she has. Carlisle has said all along that what we needed to do was show Bella how much she means to us and that we won't leave her. What she told Alice today only reinforces that. We need to show her that she IS part of our family and that we won't let her down again."

"How do you propose we do that, Esme?" Jasper asked.

"Actually, I think we're already doing it. From what I saw today, now that Bella is communicating, at least in written form, she's already opening up and letting us back in. In addition to what she told Alice, Bella managed to tell us some things about her time in the hospital, although it was plain to see that her memory from that time is spotty," I told them. "In any case, I think Edward's idea about including her in more things is the right thing to do. But I think we need to step it up. Starting tomorrow when she wakes up, we need to immerse Bella in our lives again; in any way she'll let us."

Rose frowned a bit. "But isn't that what we decided to do in our last family meeting?"

"Well, yes, but I want to do more. Before, we talked about spending time with her even if she didn't respond, and while I still think we should talk to her, we really need to work hard to engage and involve her. Nudge her into being an active participant, rather than just a passive one, in whatever we're doing."

"But is she gonna she let us do that?" Emmett asked. "Reading to her and watching TV with her and stuff is one thing, but what you're talking about is something different. I don't want to do anything that will make her start screaming or whatever. That shit's scary."

It took all I had not to chuckle at him. I knew he was being serious, we all hated it when Bella started screaming, but the image of big, brawny vampire Emmett being scared of tiny, fragile human Bella, who currently weighed in at about 80 pounds soaking wet, struck me as funny.

I kept my expression carefully schooled when I answered. "She may not always be cooperative or receptive, and of course, we shouldn't force to her into doing anything, but we have to at least try. At this point, we have nothing to loose and everything to gain."

"Just remember to be gentle with her," Alice cautioned. "She doesn't like to be grabbed and try to move at more human speed; she still startles easily when you move too fast."

"Also, please be aware that she shouldn't leave the house," Carlisle cautioned. "The backyard is okay, but nothing beyond that for the time being. Technically, she's still a missing person. It wouldn't do for someone to recognize her from a broadcast or a flier." He grinned a little at Alice. "Sorry, Alice, no shopping trips with her."

Alice just shrugged. "Way ahead of you, Carlisle. It's okay; there will be lots of time for that later."

She said it with such confidence that I wondered if she'd seen something, but I didn't press her on it. Instead, I looked around at everyone, my gaze searching each of their faces. "Any questions?"

"No," was the muttered reply from everyone but Edward who only sat with his head in his hands.

"All right, why don't you all go find something to occupy yourself with?" I suggested. "And no more beating up on Edward."

Alice shot Edward a look, but I noticed that much of the heat that had been there earlier was gone. Now she looked more guilty and sad than angry. Slowly, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose stood up and walked out of the living room. Carlisle and I exchanged a glance before I turned to Edward who was still sitting between us with his head in his hands.

I laid my hand lightly on his back. "Edward? Are you all right?"

He didn't look up. "No, I don't think I'll ever be all right again," he murmured.

My heart really did go out to him. What he'd said to Bella had been a mistake, but as I'd told him earlier, I knew his intentions had been good. And having his mistakes exposed in front of the whole family couldn't have been easy for him either.

I tried to rub his back in small, comforting circles. "Don't worry, Edward, we'll find a way to help her," I promised.

"She'll never forgive me," he whispered.

"Of course, she will, she loves you. Even now, I can see that she does. It's written all over her face when she thinks you're not looking. She scared of getting hurt again and is damaged from all that she's been through, but her love for you is still there."

Finally, he lifted his head and looked over at me. His eyes were still shadowed and full of pain, but there was now a spark of hope in them. "Do you really think so?"

"I do," I answered truthfully. "But the one thing you can't do is pull away from her... or us. Even if she won't acknowledge it right now, Bella needs you and so do we. We need to work together if we're going to help her and be a family again."

Edward appeared to give that a great deal of thought. "I know that," he replied. "It's difficult though. Sometimes I feel myself slipping under, but then I think of her and it's like she's my lifeline."

"I know. Now, why don't you go up and check on her?"

He nodded and then pulled me into an unexpected hug. "Thank you, Esme."

I couldn't help but smile at Carlisle over Edward's shoulder as I hugged him back. "You're welcome."

Carlisle and I watched him run upstairs, and then I felt Carlisle move over next to me. "Would you like to take a walk outside with me?" he asked quietly.

"I'd love to."

The two of us rose from the couch and, taking his hand, we walked outside. To give ourselves some privacy from those in the house, we followed the perimeter of the yard at a human pace, his arm comfortably snug around my waist. Eventually, we stopped to look up at the stars.

Carlisle kissed my temple. "You handled that well, sweetheart."

I laid my head on his shoulder. "I just hate to see the kids fight and I hated even more to see that broken look in Edward's eyes."

"I know, it's very hard to see him like that."

"I'm worried, Carlisle," I admitted a few minutes later. "I hate to see Edward and Bella both in so much pain. And I worry that if we can't get Bella back to the way she was, Edward will do something rash and we'll lose them both."

Carlisle, as always was honest with me. "I wish I could disagree with you, darling, but as long as Bella is broken, I think Edward will be broken as well. Even if she gets better, part of him will always blame himself for what's happened to her." He sighed softly. "I didn't mention this inside and I've never told anyone else, but I think I know at least part of the reason, beyond the obvious, that they're both in so much pain because of their separation."

I looked up at him. "Why?"

"I think she's his mate and he's hers," he told me quietly.

I gasped a little as that sank in. "Even though she's still human?"

"Yes, I know we haven't seen the mating bond in a human before, but I can find no other explanation for why this has all affected her so deeply."

I couldn't believe I hadn't realized it before. "Yes, I guess that would explain a lot," I agreed.

"As we've seen in our own family, the bond between mates is so strong that being apart can be not only be difficult, but dangerous," he said. "To be honest, I think if they'd been apart much longer we wouldn't have been able to save either of them. The strain on them would have been too great." He paused for a moment. "I think it would have killed Bella eventually and once Edward found out about it, he would have found a way to follow her as soon as he possibly could."

My stomach twisted at the idea and I turned into him and breathed in his scent to calm me. "We made such a terrible mistake, Carlisle. We should have fought Edward when he wanted to leave Forks. We should have stayed and found another way to keep Bella safe."

Carlisle pulled me closer. "We had no way of knowing this was how things would turn out," he said. "And with Edward so determined to have us leave, there wasn't much we else we could do."

We were both quiet for a long moment, but when I spoke I put every ounce of determination into my voice that I could.

"Well, we won't make that mistake again," I said firmly. "We are going to see to it that Bella gets better and then she and Edward will be together again and Bella will be part of our family as she was always meant to be."

Carlisle chuckled softly as his lips brushed my cheek and then drifted down to my neck. "You know, honey, the boys are always telling me that I should never bet against Alice, but in this case, I have to say, my money's on you."

TBC...

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><p>My money's on Esme too, how about you? As for Bella's talk with Alice, I always thought that Bella let Alice and the Cullens off the hook pretty easily for leaving her without even saying goodbye. After all, Alice was supposed to be her best friend. I think Bella would have been really hurt that Alice could leave her without saying a word and I wanted to explore that a bit in this story. I also had the feeling that in canon the Cullens never quite knew what Edward had said to Bella in the forest the day he left her and that they wouldn't have been happy with how he handled it (plus I kind of giggled over the image of Alice getting to beat on Edward a little bit).<p>

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><p><em><strong>Next Week:<strong>_ Edward does some thinking while he watches Bella sleep. Bella wakes up to find Edward holding her and touching her face and she is torn about how to respond. Then she goes downstairs for breakfast for the first time and ends up having a confrontation with Alice. A confrontation that shows that even though Bella is broken, she still has some stubborn spirit left in her. There are also hints that when Bella does get better, she won't be the same malleable Bella she was when Edward left her in the woods. See you next week!


	15. Chapter 15

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. You're reviews and seeing you add me and my story as a 'favorite' just make my day... or year... or well, you get the idea.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Bella and Alice had a long talk about why the Cullens left and Bella told Alice what Edward said to her in the forest before he left her. Alice and the rest of the Cullens were NOT pleased and let Edward know it. After Esme stepped in, the family had another meeting and decided to step up their idea of including Bella in more of their day to day activities. Esme and Carlisle took a walk and discussed the fact that Carlisle thinks part of what made Edward and Bella's separation so difficult was the fact that they are mates.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 15<strong>_

**EDWARD**

Anxious to see Bella, I moved quickly up the stairs to the third floor and stepped inside her room. As I expected, she was in bed, hooked up to the various medical apparatus that were giving her body what it needed, and sleeping quietly. Usually when she was sleeping I would sit at the foot of her bed or in a chair next to it, but after what Alice had told me about their discussion, I felt a need to be closer to her.

She was lying slightly to one side of the large hospital bed, leaving just enough room for me to sit down next to her. Even though I knew she was sedated and it was unlikely I could rouse her, I was careful not to jostle her as I sat down beside her and leaned back against the wall.

I silently watched her for a long time and took note of the fact that watching her sleep now was a very different experience than it had been when we had lived in Forks.

For one thing, she was so quiet. Eerily quiet. Set against the background sounds of the dripping I.V. and the infusion pump sending life sustaining nutrients into her body, the only sounds that she actually made were her slow steady breathing and the soft, wet thump of her heart. There was no mumbling or speaking in her sleep. No little sighs. And definitely no speaking my name in a breathy whisper, which I missed most of all.

For another thing, she was so still. Bella had often been restless at night when she had lived in Forks. I knew part of that had been from the wind and the rain, which there wasn't nearly as much of here in Ithaca, but it still seemed strange for her to not toss and turn in her sleep. No frowns or dreamy half smiles crossed her face. No twitching shifted her eyelids or her small hands.

And finally there was her smell; it was all wrong. Well, it was mostly wrong. Her basic scent that I loved was intact, but it was layered beneath the medicinal, slightly bitter smell of the sedative in her blood and the overly, almost sickly, sweet smell of the intravenous fluids nourishing her body. Her body apparently was able to metabolize both of them pretty quickly once she was unhooked, as she smelled fairly normal during the day, but at night when they were both going into her body, the smell was distinctive; and not in a good way, only in a way that accented the fact that all was not well with her.

I sighed. So much about her was not well and it was all my fault. The physical manifestations I saw now were only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I thought back over what Alice had said. I had done nothing to stop my sister's assault on me, both verbal and physical, because she was right. All of it was 100% my fault and I deserved every blow she'd given me and more. Everything that had happened to Bella, every bruise and injury, every tear she'd cried, every pound of weight she'd lost, every word she'd refused to speak, and every emotional scar and wound she'd suffered, could be laid directly at my feet.

A very tiny part of me was advocating that I should leave again; not because I didn't love her or didn't want to be with her, but because I had caused so much damage already and maybe by leaving it would allow her to have a chance to heal in the loving embrace of my family.

However, even if I didn't take into account the fact that I was pretty sure said family would beat me to a venomous pulp if I did such a thing, I had come to the conclusion that my leaving again would not help her heal and would, in fact, only hurt Bella even more than I already had and I refused to do that.

I had hurt her enough and I was doing my best to make up for my past mistakes, not repeat them.

And then, in addition to all of that, were my own selfish desires. I needed her, needed to see her, needed to be around her; simply put, I needed her in my life. I knew that I, literally, could not live without her again.

I lightly traced a finger along her cheek and gently pulled a strand of hair back from her face to tuck it behind her ear.

But beyond the need, I wanted her. 'Needing' implied that I had no choice and that I was only ruled by my addiction to her or by my instinctive thirst for her blood. However, there was more to my feelings for her than that. Wanting was choosing. I was choosing to be with her and I always would. I truly wanted her more than I'd ever wanted anything.

The infusion pump beeped softly, interrupting my thoughts and announcing the end of its cycle. It was also the signal that began the early morning routine involved in Bella's care. Carefully, I rose from the bed and switched the pump off. Then, with utmost delicacy, I pulled back the bedding and the collar of Bella's shirt, and unhooked the feeding tube from the central line port on her chest. Next, I moved back around the bed to the I.V. that was keeping her sedated and turned off the drip. Gently, I picked up her hand and removed the I.V. tube from the port taped to the back of her hand.

After disposing of all of the used tubing and components and cleaning everything thoroughly, I put the infusion pump and the I.V. stand away in the small storage cabinet that Alice had installed in the closet. Then I settled myself back down on the bed with my back against the wall and my legs stretched out beside Bella and I waited. Once the sedative was removed, it normally took her about an hour to wake up and so, as with most mornings since I'd been back, I planned to spend it with her, even if she was unaware of my presence.

Every morning, in the hour before she awoke, I could sometimes catch glimpses of the Bella I remembered. While she was still too quiet, there had been moments during this hour when she would murmur softly or her body would shift as consciousness returned. I hadn't, however, seen anything in her actions or heard anything with her heartbeat that indicated she was having a nightmare. Quite the contrary, the sounds and movements she made were almost... contemplative, although that seemed like an odd term to apply to someone who was sleeping. Given the current state of our relationship, I lived for those stolen, unguarded moments.

I cradled one of her hands between both of mine, enjoying the feeling of her warm skin while I was still allowed to. Eventually, the sun began to rise, shimmering through the trees outside like water through a fine sieve. It brushed softly across her face and dappled her hair revealing the vast array of colors that ran through the long strands.

For a moment, I was ridiculously jealous of that light; of how freely it touched her. Without the sedative running through her system, it was possible that I might wake her prematurely or startle her from sleep, but I still couldn't stop myself from letting my fingers mimic the gentle kiss of the sun's rays on her skin.

All but holding my breath, I ghosted a finger along her jaw, over the sharp line of her cheekbone, up over her brow, down the slope of her nose, and finally to trace the soft, slightly pouting pillows of her lips. Being able to touch her like this was amazing and yet it made me ache for more; made me ache to be able to touch her like this and more when her eyes were open and she could choose to accept my touch.

Of course, true to Bella's usual practice, she surprised me with what she did next.

As the pad of my fingers lifted from her lips, she softly sighed and then, much to my astonishment, she turned over and her arm went around my waist, her face pressed against my side, and her body curled against me until she was all but wrapped around me.

My initial reaction was to sit there in frozen, stunned silence, torn about what to do. Nothing like that had happened before, not since I'd been with her here in Ithaca anyway.

The warmth of her breath fanned across the denim covering my hips and the feeling of her soft body so close to mine threatened to cause a sudden, unbidden and wholly inappropriate, not to mention embarrassing, response in the lower half of my body. Actually, I knew the embarrassment of it would be the least of my worries if Bella woke up and noticed my reaction. I think it was safe to say that she would not be pleased or amused. Hoping to avoid that at all costs, I took a number of deep breaths and tried to picture distasteful images, like Emmett or Jasper in a dress, in an attempt to will my reaction away.

It was, by no means, an easy thing to do, but I eventually managed it.

Once I had myself back under control, I still wasn't sure what to do. Logically, I knew that I _should_ pull away since I had no idea what Bella's reaction would be when she woke up and found her body pressed up against mine. On the other hand, if I pulled away from her, it might cause her to wake up before she was ready and I didn't want that either. Of course, if I was being honest, I had to admit that latter reason was really just an excuse. The real reason I wasn't moving from my spot as her personal body pillow was that I loved feeling of her body against mine again and I found myself unable to pull away from her. There were so many things that tied me to her, both in that moment and in my existence and while I didn't want to make her angry or upset, I just wasn't ready to give up the blessed feeling of her pressed against me. So as I stared down at her, I went back to lightly stroking her face; perhaps this would also be a test for my theory on whether or not Bella would accept being touched.

In any case, there was no way I was going to miss an opportunity to be this close to her, even if it was for only a few, fleeting moments longer.

**BELLA**

The morning began as it always did, in blackness. Some people would probably think that sounded scary. But the blackness, or more specifically, the morning blackness, wasn't really scary to me, not any more; not since I'd left the hospital.

The blackness that came with the falling of night was a different matter, but the morning blackness had become somewhat comforting to me. It was a signal that I'd not only lived through another night without being hurt by the monsters in the dark, but that I'd also made it through another night without a nightmare. I imagined that the morning darkness was a bit womb like; dark, soft, and warm with my body floating peacefully enough within it. I was content with the knowledge that if I opened my eyes, I would see some kind of light, whether it came from the sun or from a lamp. From what I could remember, that wasn't usually the case in the hospital.

No, I refused to think about that or to allow those memories to mar this time of morning. This time, between oblivion and wakefulness, was when I felt the most peaceful. My eyes were so heavy I couldn't even think of opening them and my body was so relaxed that I couldn't find the will to move it. But I found peace knowing that once the drugs had worked their way out of my system and my lethargy was gone, the light would be there when I opened my eyes and my body would eventually answer the commands I gave it.

Yes, I knew about the drugs.

Despite my spotty memories, I knew that I'd been drugged repeatedly in the hospital, usually for the 'treatments,' as Alice had called them, but for other reasons as well, like when I was being uncooperative about my feeding tube or when I refused to sleep. I suspected that the Cullens didn't know that I knew about the drugs and what I thought were the intravenous feedings that they had been giving me since I'd been here. When they came to put me to bed at night, I wasn't always as deeply asleep as they thought and I'd heard some things they probably didn't realize. After being in the hospital and finding that the ability to make the staff think I was asleep was useful, I'd gotten very good at controlling my heartbeat and my breathing. Apparently, I'd gotten adept enough at it that even the Cullens had a hard time knowing just how asleep I was. And to be honest, I'd never thought about enlightening them on that point or the fact that I knew about the drugs.

Once again, trying to shift my focus away from thoughts of drugs and hospitals, I let my mind drift, which, given my lethargic state, wasn't hard to do. As it so often happened, my mind drifted through images that, for the most part, I refused to otherwise acknowledge during the day; images of me with Edward and, to a lesser degree, the rest of the Cullens. There was something about whatever drugs that were coursing through my veins that kept me calm enough to look at the images and not be stung by them. Surprisingly, it was rarely the traumatic memories that surfaced during these times, it was the pleasant ones. Happier days spent with those that, once upon a time, had practically been my whole world.

One particular image came back to me over and over again and I let it wrap itself around me like a warm, familiar blanket.

A few months after I'd been attacked by James, and not long after I'd gotten the cast off my leg, Edward had taken me to our meadow. It was early on a Saturday afternoon and while the clouds had obscured the sun when we set out, Alice had promised that by the time we reached the meadow, it would turn unexpectedly sunny, and she was right.

Once we'd reached the sunny meadow, we'd spread a blanket out, laid down among the early summer wild flowers, and simply enjoyed the afternoon together. Nothing exciting had happened; no big pronouncements or thrilling adventure had taken place. For the most part, we had watched the small fluffy clouds roll by as we laid there holding hands. Sometimes we had talked, but mostly we were quiet as the silences were comfortable rather than awkward so we felt no need to fill the space with unnecessary words. It was so rare that I got to be outside in the direct sunlight with him, that I had especially cherished that time with him.

At one point, I'd begun to trace my fingers over his bare arm, from the edge of the t-shirt sleeve encircling his bicep and then down to where our hands were joined, once again marveling at how beautiful he looked in the sunlight. Edward laid there for quite a while, just watching my fingers as they repeatedly made the journey up and down his arm.

Somehow managing to roll onto his side while keeping the arm I was touching immobile and continuing to hold my hand, he had finally reached out to touch me. His finger had traced my face with a cool, feather light touch. It was sweet and innocently erotic, and I quickly forgot about his arm when I lost the ability to do anything except lie there and let him touch my face.

The memory was so vivid to me that, even now in my current sleepy state, I could still feel him holding my hand and tracing a cool finger delicately over my skin.

Mimicking his movement of that day long ago, I rolled over so I was pressed against the image of him on the blanket in the meadow and I let myself get lost in the feeling of being close to him again and delighting in the cool feather brush of his fingers over my flesh.

I laid there for a long time, a little surprised that I still hadn't fully woken up yet. Not that I was complaining, but normally, my mind and body would pull me back to consciousness before my daydreams of Edward could get this far.

On the heels of that thought, I felt the image sliding away, evaporating like a mist in the morning sun and I knew consciousness had fully returned. With a little jolt, I realized that although the image was gone, I could still feel Edward's cool hand in mine, his hard body pressing into my side, and his feather light touch on my face.

I had to still be day dreaming... didn't I? Or maybe I'd finally crossed the bridge into hallucinating.

Expecting to see nothing but air beside me and preparing for the pain that would bring, I slowly opened my eyes.

And any thought of trying to control my heartbeat went out the window when I was greeted by the sight of Edward's warm golden eyes staring down at me from only about a foot away.

His fingertip was resting on my cheek and his expression was... the only way I could describe it was, careful. It reminded me of how someone might look at a wild animal because they didn't know what it was going to do next. Seeing as how I was apparently in the role of the animal, my first instinct was to run or pull away, but instead I forced myself to remain calm and see what he did next.

"Good morning," he said softly as his hand dropped from my face to rest gently on my arm.

Wait. My arm... my arm was draped across him just like I used to do when I was still living in Forks and he could spend the night in my room watching me sleep. In fact, my whole body was pressed against him and he was holding my hand. From the position his finger had been in when I'd opened my eyes, he'd also been touching my face a few moments ago. It was no wonder that my daydreaming had seemed so real; physically, it had been real. He had been touching me and I had let him.

For some reason, at that moment, Alice's words from yesterday came flooding back.

"_The real reason that we left was to try and keep you safe. It was never because you weren't good enough for us or that you were anything less than amazing. Edward was worried that what happened on your birthday might happen again with even more dire consequences and he wanted you to have a chance at the normal life he thought he was cheating you out of. We all fought him on it, even Esme, but in the end we gave into him... I'm sorry we didn't fight harder to stay with you and I'm sorry that we weren't here for you when you needed us."_

Everything inside me yearned to believe her. On one level I _did_ believe her. But what kept me from completely taking what she'd said at face value was the fact that if I believed the words she told me about why she and the Cullens left me, I'd have to believe the words she'd told me about Edward. From there, it would be a slippery slope for me to have to believe what Edward himself had said to me about his actions, why he left, and why he was back now.

And I just wasn't quite ready to start down that slope... yet.

Growing increasingly uncomfortable with the intimacy of the moment, I slowly pulled away from him and climbed off the bed. Although he said nothing and did nothing to stop me, I saw a flash of disappointment in his eyes as I turned away and I fought down the wave of guilt that went through me.

Walking to the closet, I pulled out something clean to wear. Alice, of course, kept the closet well stocked. My dirty clothes always disappeared from the bathroom hamper and the clean clothes appeared neatly folded or hung in the closet. At least I didn't have to worry about pajamas as I never slept in them anymore. No one bothered to change me into something else after I fell asleep so I just slept in whatever I'd worn that day. I didn't mind that though, the thought of someone changing me out of my clothes while I was asleep, or was drugged, or whatever, sort of creeped me out.

Going into the bathroom, I closed the door and started my morning routine. After brushing my teeth, I stripped down for a quick shower. I'd washed my hair yesterday and didn't feel like washing it again so I just threw it up into a messy bun before stepping under the hot water. After all the upheaval from the day before, not to mention the throwing up, it felt good to wash it all away. I ran my finger over the large bruise on my hip from running into Edward and pushed at it experimentally. The bruise hurt and my hip was still a little stiff, but I was happy with the fact that when I'd walked from the bed to the closet and then to the bathroom, my limp appeared to be gone. I also wriggled the hand of my healing broken arm experimentally. I felt no pain and figured it was nearly healed, but until Carlisle told me differently, I would continue to wear my brace.

I dried off and deposited my dirty clothes in the bathroom hamper, then got dressed in jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt and put the brace back on my arm. I tidied up the bathroom even more than usual in an attempt to put off having to face Edward again, but when it was clear I couldn't clean or straighten anything more without actually getting out the cleaning supplies or completely rearranging the contents of the bathroom medicine and sink cabinets, I knew I couldn't put off going back into the bedroom any longer.

So, I was a little surprised, not to mention unsettlingly disappointed, when I opened the door and found myself greeted not by Edward, but by Esme. In fact, I didn't see Edward anywhere in the room at all.

"Good Morning, Bella," Esme said brightly. I merely nodded and gave her a small smile to hide the frown that was threatening to crease my forehead over Edward's absence.

"I've got your breakfast just about ready," she told me. If she was aware of my disappointment at Edward's disappearance, she didn't show it. "Would you like to come downstairs and eat?"

Her question wiped the thoughts about Edward out of my head and I just blinked at her in surprise. I'd never been asked to come downstairs, to eat or do anything else. As a matter of fact, it occurred to me then that during the entire time I'd been here, I've never been out of my room. I had no idea what the rest of the house even looked like. While I had to admit I found myself curious about the rest of the house, I was also feeling a little scared at the idea of leaving my room and I wondered for a moment if I had become agoraphobic.

But while the idea of stepping outside my room did scare me a bit, it didn't send me into a panic or anything. I suppose that over the past six months, I'd just gotten used to being in one place, or two, if you counted the attached bathroom, for long periods of time. After Edward and the Cullens had left me, when I was still living with Charlie and then Renee, I'd only left my room to go to school or because Charlie and Renee made me. And when I was in the hospital, 'roaming' was not encouraged and in fact, most patients, including me, were generally locked in their rooms to keep them from doing just that. The only times I was ever really let out of my room was for a 'treatment' which I was usually drugged for, some kind of appointment with a doctor or therapist, or if Renee came to visit me, which wasn't very often.

Then, after I'd been brought here, I hadn't left my room before now because there had never been a need and no one had pushed me to do so. My needs had always been met up here and I had felt no interest in anything else, including what lay outside the four walls of my room and its attached bathroom. There was also the fact, that given my communication issues, it was just easier to hide myself away up here, rather than try to engage the Cullens.

"Bella?" Esme's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Are you all right?"

I realized then that not only had I been standing there for quite a while, but I had yet to actually respond to her question about going downstairs. I nodded to let her know I was alright.

"Good," she said. "Why don't we go downstairs, then?"

Her voice was hopeful and I wasn't going to disappoint her, so I picked up my pad and pencil, and wrote down my answer.

"_Lead the way."_

Looking relieved, she smiled brightly at me and turned toward the door. I followed her out into the hallway and down the stairs to the second floor. So, the house was three stories and my room was on the third floor, I mused as I paused halfway down the stairs that led to the ground floor. So far the house had been quiet, well, quiet to me anyway. I'm sure Esme and the Cullens could hear all manner of things in the house, including me, but now as I stood there on the stairs I could hear sounds that told me there were actually signs of life in the house. Emmett was talking smack to someone that I assumed he was playing a video game with, one that, from the sound of it, involved a lot of shooting and/or crashing. I couldn't see who he was playing with as the stairway wall blocked my view and I wondered if it was Edward. I could also hear the sound of female voices coming from the opposite direction and I guessed that Alice and Rose were having a discussion in another room.

Esme appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "Bella?" she said tentatively. Not realizing that I'd stopped halfway down the stairs, she'd continued on without me and had now come back to find me. "Is everything okay?"

By way of an answer, and being careful to _walk_ and not _fall_ down the stairs as I went, especially in light of the mildly sore hip I was still sporting, I continued down the stairs to where she waited for me.

When I reached the bottom, I could finally see Emmett. He was sitting with Jasper on a long white leather sofa, in front of one of the biggest flat screen TVs I'd ever seen, and whatever they'd been playing appeared to be paused in mid-explosion. Just as Edward had earlier, they were both looking at me warily as if I was a wild animal that was likely to bolt at the smallest provocation.

"Hey, Bella," Jasper greeted me.

"Well, look who decided to join us," Emmett teased with a grin.

I couldn't help but smile a bit and I gave them a nod of greeting. With the game paused, the room was quiet and the moment turned awkward quickly. I looked around the large room I was now standing in so I wouldn't feel the weight of their stares so acutely. As I expected, white seemed to be the predominant color used in the house. The walls and ceilings were white, as was the carpeting.

Large, floor-to-ceiling windows dominated the far wall, filling the room with morning light. All the wood in the house was a pale, natural wood, with only the lightest of finishes. And this room, I guess it could be called a living room, had a wide open-beam ceiling and hardwood flooring. Between the natural wood and soft warm colors that Esme had used in the furniture and the general decorating, the house felt cozy rather than sterile or cold. I remembered Esme talking about the fact that the house was a historical landmark and I wondered how the house, as it was now, compared to the original.

"Bella?" Esme said again and I focused my attention in on her again.

By now, I wouldn't be surprised if she was running out of patience with me since I kept gawking at everything rather than following her to kitchen as she wanted. But, of course, Esme being Esme, she only smiled and held out her hand to me, allowing me to make the choice of whether I wanted to touch her or not. Because of her consideration, it was a no brainer for me, without hesitation, I reached out and took her hand.

From the warm smile on her face, you would have thought I'd just given her the moon and the stars.

She led me away through the living room, through a formal dining room and into what turned out to be a large kitchen that was both warm and welcoming. In another life, I could picture myself cooking happily here. As with the other wood in the house, the cabinets were in pale, natural wood tones, and the countertops were some sort of stone, whether natural or man-made I didn't know, in shades of soft sage green with sand colored veins running through them. A huge island dominated the center of the space and Rose and Alice were sitting along one side of it that had been made into an eating area. They seemed to be looking through what appeared to be fashion magazines.

They both looked up as we came in and at first neither of them looked surprised to see Esme and me enter the room. Of course, I'm sure they'd heard me coming a mile away, first Esme coaxing me downstairs, then me walking through the house, and then when Emmett and Jasper greeting me; then there was the fact that Alice had probably also seen me coming in one of her visions. However, a moment later they exchanged an odd look and Alice looked almost smug. It took me a minute, but I finally realized that they were staring at my hand clasped in Esme's. Part of me suddenly felt self-conscious, but I forced myself not to pull my hand away.

"Hey, Bella," Alice greeted as Esme settled me on a barstool next to them.

"Good Morning," Rose said in an echoing sentiment.

I nodded to them, but didn't do anything else besides watch Esme buzz around the kitchen.

"Carlisle said that since we had success yesterday, he'd like us to do things the same way this morning. So here are your ice chips," Esme said setting down a small cup of ice in front of me. "While you eat those, I'll heat up your broth. Is vegetable all right again? " I nodded and started munching on the ice.

"How are you feeling today, Bella?" Alice asked.

I pulled the pad and pencil from my pocket and wrote down my answer. _"I feel fine."_

Rose and Alice exchanged another look, but this time I couldn't decipher it's meaning, which left me feeling uneasy. Alice wasn't smug this time; she looked more like she was plotting something. Rosalie smiled at me a bit, but overall, she seemed to be keeping her expression neutral.

"That's good," Alice said brightly. "You know, Bella, Rose and I were thinking we could do with some girl time, so after you finish breakfast, we decided to steal you away for a manicure and a pedicure. We can't take you out of the house, but Rose and I have all the supplies we need upstairs."

My first thought upon hearing her words to resist the idea, especially if she was planning some updated version of "Bella Barbie." I'd hated those sessions with a passion. When we were still in Forks, she had always tried to dress or glam me up into something that I wasn't and didn't want to be, and it had always served to make me feel even more inadequate than I already had. I also found myself bristling a little at the fact that she was telling me they were going to steal me away for this 'girl time,' rather than asking me if that's what I wanted. Esme had 'asked' me if I wanted to come downstairs, not forced or demanded, and I had appreciated that a great deal.

I acknowledged the fact that long ago everyone had stopped asking me what I wanted and when I hadn't been communicating with people, I could understand it, but now that I was beginning to stick my toe back into the pool of my own life again, it was getting old pretty fast. I thought this might be a perfect place to make at least a small stand.

Picking up my pad and pencil, I started to write. _"Manicure and pedicure only. No make-up or dress-up or hair stuff."_

Now Alice and Rose did look a little surprised. Alice recovered first and laughed a little, but it sounded false and, as was the case when I resisted her attempts to beautify me, I could tell she was a little frustrated. "Oh, silly Bella, of course it will just a manicure and pedicure," she said.

I didn't appreciate the 'silly Bella' remark, but before I could even work up some kind of anger over it, Alice had already moved on.

Now she was grinning conspiratorially at me. "Well, and maybe a facial, if you cooperate."

I was coming to realize that there were certain words that had become almost hot buttons for me since my, shall we say, 'unfortunate incarceration' in the hospital. 'Treatment' was one of them and 'cooperate' was another. From what I could remember, the doctors and nurses had been forever asking me to 'cooperate,' even if it meant doing something that I didn't want to do with every fiber of my being. Heck, even Renee and, to a lesser degree, Charlie had been guilty of using the word on me a little too much.

Despite the fact that part of me pointed out that Alice had probably used the word innocently enough, it sent a flash of anger through me. On top of the 'silly Bella' comment, it made me want to throw something at her. In any case, I had no intention of 'cooperating.' I'd done too much of that in the last six months and look where it had gotten me. I wasn't doing it any longer.

Leaving my half eaten cup of ice on the counter, I snatched up my pad and pencil, stuffed them in my pocket, slid off the barstool, and stalked out of the kitchen. My decision was so abrupt Alice apparently hadn't seen it was going to happen because it took her and everyone else in the kitchen a moment to respond.

"Bella?" Alice, Rose and Esme each called after me, but I kept on going.

I was halfway through the dining room when a frowning Alice suddenly appeared in front of me. "Bella? What's wrong? Where are you going?"

Without responding, I stepped around her and kept going. The fact that I'd gotten around her so easily, when I knew I couldn't actually outrun or get away from her if she wanted to stop me, showed how surprised she was by my actions. I had just entered the living room, when I was stopped again, and this time Alice was joined by both Rose and Esme. If getting around Alice by herself was hard, getting around all three of them was impossible so I stood there and crossed by arms over my chest.

Curiosity had gotten the better of Emmett and Jasper and they paused their game in favor of coming over to watch the unfolding show.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," Alice told him. "What's wrong, Bella?"

I felt a wave of calm come over me and I glared at Jasper. Whipping my pad and pencil out, I held onto as much anger as I could while I scribbled something and then thrust it at him. _"Knock it off, Jasper. I don't want you to calm me down."_

He read it, his expression skeptical. "I don't know, Bella, you seem pretty angry."

The wave of calm didn't stop, which in some ways made me at least _want_ to be even more angry. Unfortunately, I couldn't do much about it with Jasper shooting his death rays of calm of me.

"You're angry?" Alice said in surprise. I guess she thought I was sad or scared or feeling something other than anger. Then again, they weren't used to anger from me. "Why are you angry? What did I say?"

"Please Bella," Esme said, all but wringing her hands. "Tell us what's wrong. Whatever it is, we're sorry."

I huffed out a breath. I wasn't mad at Esme. How could I ever be mad at Esme? It would be like being mad at the Holy Madonna or the Easter Bunny. Her entreaties, combined with Jasper's calming influence, all but stripped me of the ability to even want to be angry. I rolled my eyes in frustration and started writing again.

"_I'm not 'silly Bella' and I DON'T want a facial. I will __NOT__ 'cooperate'."_ I had underlined 'not' about six times.

Emmett snorted. "You tell 'em, Bella."

Alice looked relieved. "Oh, is that all," she said waving a hand at me a bit dismissively. "I was just joking. Don't be so sensitive."

Her words made me want to get mad all over again.

"Um, Alice," Jasper put in. He was gritting his teeth a bit, I assumed because he was working so hard to control my mood. "I don't think you're helping your case any. You're only making her madder."

To my surprise, it was Rose that spoke next. "Leave her alone, Alice. You shouldn't try and force her to do anything she doesn't want to do." She ignored the slack jawed look of surprise on Alice's face and turned to me. "I swear, Bella, I won't let her do anything you don't want."

Now, Alice wasn't the only one who was surprised. While Rose had been distinctly warmer toward me than she had been before the Cullens had left, she'd never defended me before, not even in the small way that she was now. Oddly, it made my eyes prickle slightly with threatening tears that I worked hard to blink away. The tears weren't because her actions had made me sad, but because she was siding with me rather than Alice. It made me want to hug her, but I doubted we'd come quite that far so I stayed where I was. However, I smiled at her and she smiled back. Alice just shot a glare at both of us.

Esme jumped in before Alice could recover and make any kind of comment. "Good, now that we have that settled," she eyed Alice pointedly, daring her to say anything else. "Why don't we go back into the kitchen, Bella, so you can finish your breakfast?"

She held her hand out to me and once again, I found myself appreciating the fact that she was _asking_, rather than ordering or forcing me to come with her. So, with a nod, I took her hand and let her lead me back to the kitchen.

TBC...

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><p>Hee, hee, it would appear that Bella isn't quite the shrinking violet we remember, is she? The way I look at it, everything she's gone through in the last few months would leave some kind of mark on her. Now that she's beginning to communicate and reassert herself, that's going to begin to come out. I know there will be some readers that will say I made Alice too domineering in this chapter, but I was coming at it from the point of view that Alice was just being Alice (at least when it came to the beauty end of things). Even in canon we knew that Alice loved to play "Bella Barbie" on a regular basis and Bella went along with it even though she didn't like it. In this chapter, Alice thought she knew best; almost like a parent might act with a child but the only problem was this time Bella wasn't willing to play her part (Go Bella!).<p>

Last week I forgot to mention all the feedback I got about posting my other story, _Quantum Dots_. So many of you encouraged me to post it as well and I really appreciate that. You also told me that you wanted me to still finish _Breakdown_. Have no fear on that point, I promise to do just that. As for _Quantum Dots_, what I plan to do is start posting the 19 chapters I have done for it on a weekly basis on Sundays, starting with the first Sunday in May. However, I will be sure to note that I am not actively working on it until finish _Breakdown_ (which I think I'm 1/2 to 2/3 of the way thru right now in terms of writing). I just don't have it in me to work on both stories at the same time.

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><p><em><strong>Next week in Chapter 16 of Breakdown<strong>_: Rose and Bella have some alone time and Rose tells Bella her story. Then Alice and Bella have a discussion of their own and Alice attempts to make amends for her behavior and their subsequent disagreement. See you then!

Happy Easter!


	16. Chapter 16

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. You're reviews and seeing you add me and my story as a 'favorite' just make me giddy with appreciation.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Edward watched Bella sleep and Bella woke up to him holding her and touching her face. Bella seemed like she was going to react and then didn't. When she came out of the bathroom, Edward was gone and Esme came upstairs to tell her breakfast was ready. Bella came downstairs for the first time since she'd gotten to the Cullen's and she subsequently had a disagreement with Alice that showed Bella is not quite the shrinking violet she once was.

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><p><em><strong>Another (quick) author's note – Please read: <strong>_Hi everyone, I just want to give you a heads up about something in this chapter, it's actually a minor thing but I wanted to comment on it. I made a decision as the author of this story regarding a timeline issue. I will comment about it further at the end of the chapter, but I'm hoping I can stave off people yelling at me because I've taken some artistic license with regard this particular issue. I know, I know, could I be any more vague? It will make more sense once you've read the chapter and you get to the other note at the end. Now that I've completely confused you, I'll let you go read, just please read the additional note at the end of the chapter before you send me any reviews complaining about this issue.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 16<strong>_

**ROSE**

"Here's our selection of nail polish, Bella, pick out whatever you'd like," I said holding out the wide plastic bin to her.

With our vampire bodies, when it came to a manicure or a pedicure, we couldn't do much more than paint our nails, so the number of bottles in our selection of nail polish surpassed any professional salon; everything from black, purple, and denim blue, to red, orange and lime green, and anything in between. Luckily, for Bella, we still had the supplies we'd used on her when we'd been living in Forks, so she was well on her way to a first class manicure and pedicure. I'd soaked, trimmed, filed and buffed her nails and now all that was left was to apply the polish.

The two of us were alone in the house now and I took a moment to study Bella as she looked over the myriad of polish choices. She was slowly, very slowly, beginning to show signs of improvement. Her body had nearly healed from the mess it was when we'd brought her back from Florida and she was also finally gaining a little weight. Carlisle said that would happen even faster once she started eating and could keep it down. And as Alice had predicted, Bella was on track to do just that when she ate breakfast this morning without incident, making that two meals in a row she'd kept down. She'd even asked Esme for some tea to go with her broth this morning which we all took as a hopeful sign.

Alice, I thought with an inward sigh. My dear sister. Despite the fact that we'd originally planned to give Bella this mani/pedi together, she'd left the house right after her disagreement with Bella saying she had to run some errands and do some shopping. Personally, I think Alice had left so early because she still had her designer panties in bunch and was in a snit over the confrontation with Bella this morning, but that was just me.

I almost managed to control the smile that blossomed at the idea. Alice got her way too often and I thought it was good for someone to refuse her once in while. I just never thought that Bella would have been the one to do it. When we were still in Forks, Bella had always caved in to whatever Alice wanted to do, even when it was plain that she didn't actually want to do it. I think it was because she was afraid that Alice wouldn't be her friend anymore if she didn't go along with things. If I'd come to realize anything about Bella, it was that, at heart, she was a people pleaser.

Well, at least that's what I would have said up until this morning when she'd stormed out of the kitchen.

I knew, as well as anyone, that it was hard to stand up to Alice when she got an idea in her head, even under the best of circumstances and even if you were a vampire, but for a physically and emotionally fragile human Bella to do it, it was really quite something. And honestly, I thought Bella was right for being pissed at the way Alice had talked to her. She'd treated her like a child, and I was happy to see Bella stand up for herself. I thought it was yet another sign that Bella was healing. And the good thing with both Alice and Bella was that neither of them could hold onto their respective mad for very long and by the time Alice got back, I was sure they'd be back to their usual friendly selves.

And then there was my dear brother. The last time I'd seen Edward, he'd come downstairs from Bella's room this morning, a frown all but cleaving his forehead in two and he muttered something about going hunting. Carlisle, apparently sensing that something was up, said he would go along with him. I think Edward wanted to go by himself, but rather than argue, he just nodded and headed out the backdoor with Carlisle in tow. I hadn't seen them since, but I figured they wouldn't be gone too long as I knew Carlisle had to work at the hospital tonight.

Even though I didn't quite know what had set off Edward's pouting this morning, I would be remiss if I didn't admit, at least to myself, that having him back in our lives, in _her_ life, was part of the reason Bella was healing now when she'd spent the previous three weeks here as little more than a vegetable. I don't know how things were going to come out for them, and hell would freeze over before I said it out loud, but contrary to my earlier misgivings, I thought that his being here had been good for her. She was eating and communicating now and there was at least a spark of life in her eyes where there had been none before. There were a host of things that I didn't agree with Edward on, but I still couldn't help being grateful for the positive influence he'd apparently had on Bella.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Bella made her selections and pulled two bottles from the box. She held one bottle, a bright sapphire blue, down by her toes, I assumed to indicate that she wanted that color for her toenails. The other bottle, a shiny grape purple, she swung from her fingers, this time I assumed to indicate she wanted it for her fingernails. I lifted my eyebrow in question when I saw the colors she'd chosen, but couldn't suppress a little smirk.

"Alice will have a fit you know," I told her.

Unconcerned, Bella just gave a little shrug and grinned.

Now I did smile. "Well, I think the blue will look cute with your jeans," I told her, enjoying the co-conspirator feeling of our interactions today. "And the purple will just drive Alice crazy, which is always fun to watch."

I blinked in surprise when Bella actually laughed. It was not a full belly laugh, more like a cross between a giggle and a chuckle, but it was a laugh nonetheless and I suddenly felt ten feet tall for being the one to bring it out of her. To my knowledge, no one else had gotten her to laugh since she'd been here. To avoid making her feel self-conscious, I didn't want to make a big thing out of it, so I just grinned back at her and took the blue polish out of her hand. Kneeling down by her feet, I gave the bottle a good shake, then opened it and started painting her toenails. I took my time, going at human speed when I could have put my vampire reflexes to good use.

As it turned out, Alice's departure was just as well anyway since it would give me some time to talk to Bella alone. I had some things to say to her and I needed some time to say them. They weren't easy things either so I hoped that by doing this simple task, we'd both be a bit distracted and it would make it easier.

"I feel like I owe you an apology, Bella," I began quietly. "I haven't been very fair to you in the past and for that I'm sorry."

I glanced up for a moment to see her reaction and I found that she was staring at me with a little frown. Slowly, Bella fished the pad and pencil out of her pocket and wrote something down.

"_What do you mean?" _she wrote. _"You don't owe me anything."_

I smiled at her and went back to painting. "You're very sweet, you know? You've always been nicer to me than I deserved. I know I was a raging bitch to you when you first came to Forks."

I heard her pencil scratching again and I looked up to see what she'd written.

"_You were just worried about your family being exposed. I understood that." _

"See, there you go again, being generous and forgiving." I sighed. "While it's true that I was worried about you exposing us, I'm afraid there's more to it than that."

Taking her pencil, Bella circled her earlier sentence. _"What do you mean?"_

"I mean it didn't take me long to see that you'd rather cut out your own tongue than say anything or do anything that would expose us." I switched to her other foot and started painting those toes. "But, of course, by then I had a whole new reason to be a bitch to you."

Another round of pencil scratching against paper. _"What was the reason? What did I do?"_

"You didn't do anything, Bella, nothing at all." I paused and shook my head ruefully. "Well, except maybe fall in love with my idiot brother and want to be with him."

I felt the shift in her mood immediately and she seemed to press herself deeper into her chair. I could see trepidation and a little fear creep into her eyes, and I knew that if I'd been painting her fingernails, she would have pulled her hand away.

"Hey, no, no," I tried to reassure her. "I'm not trying to upset you. I know you don't want to talk about him and you don't have to. But I need to say a little bit about him so you'll understand what was behind my behavior okay?" I gave her a moment to absorb that. She still looked uncertain, but slowly she nodded and seemed to relax a little so I went on.

"The closer you got to Edward, the more and more you talked about wanting to be changed so you could be with him forever." She tensed again, but I rushed on and smiled a bit to try and throw off some of the tension. "And, of course, it was an added bonus that you'd be a bit more... durable and he wouldn't worry about killing you all the time."

The smile didn't work and I could still see her all but tensed to run, so I quickly went back to putting the second coat on her toenails and I moved on.

"But being one of us, being immortal, was the last thing I wanted for you and I think part of me hated you for wanting it so desperately."

I risked a glance up at her. She didn't seem poised to run any longer, instead she was frowning again.

"It was nothing personal, of course, you were always nice to me, even when I didn't return the favor, and Alice and everyone else adored you," I said continuing to focus on her nails rather than meeting her eyes that I could feel were boring into the top of my head. "It's just that, to me, it seemed like you were throwing your life away." My voice got quieter. "You see Bella, I hate what I am and I hated that you wanted what I hated; hated that you were freely choosing a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy."

Except for the sound of Bella's breathing and heartbeat, which was a little fast now and the sound of the brush gliding over her toenails and then dipping back in the bottle, there was there was silence in the room. After a long pause, I heard her pencil scratching against paper and then I felt the hesitant touch of Bella's hand on my shoulder.

"_Why do you hate what you are?"_

Finishing the second coat on her toenails, I closed the bottle of polish with a sigh and sat back on my heels. "Oh, Bella, there are so many reasons."

She started scribbling again, her hand flying across her pad as if she couldn't get the words out fast enough. _"What is there to hate? You have Emmett, who worships the ground you walk on, you're young and stunningly beautiful, you have a family who loves you, and enough wealth to do whatever you want to. Most people would say that was paradise."_

I tried not to let my old anger on the subject creep into my words. "More like paradise lost for me," I murmured.

"_Why?" _she wrote.

Now came the hard part. I'd been hoping to avoid having to talk about this, but I knew, for a host of reasons, it was time.

"Did Edward ever tell you what led to me being a vampire? Aside from the fact that Carlisle was the one to change me?"

Bella shook her head, then wrote. _"Just that it was similar to what almost happened to me in Port Angeles, except that you didn't have anyone to save you." _

Alice had foreseen parts of what had happened, or had nearly happened, to Bella in Port Angeles and I had overheard her talking to Edward about it after the fact so I knew what Bella was referring to. I was a bit surprised, however, that Edward hadn't told Bella more about me in an attempt to explain my attitude toward her.

"That's part of it," I told her quietly. "Of course, in my case, not all the men were strangers."

I saw her absorb that and she shivered slightly. I debated about how much to tell her and where to start. I didn't want my words, my experiences, to traumatize her more than she already had been.

"To really understand how I see things, or how I saw things, you have to go back before it all began, to the time when I was still human. You see, Bella, my life as a human was happy, blissfully happy. It was during the Great Depression, but my father was a successful banker and we were solidly middle class so I didn't know anything about want or hardship. In my world, the Great Depression happened to other people, but not to my family and certainly not to me. All I really knew was that I was eighteen and beautiful."

A little embarrassed to be admitting it out loud, I couldn't suppress a little grin. "I'll be the first to admit that I was selfish and shallow back then, actually it's something I still struggle with, but I'd like to think that I've gotten a little better in all the years since then." I let out a breath. "But I don't blame my eighteen year old self for acting that way; after all, I had always been given everything I'd ever wanted and more. My friends envied me, men were attracted to me, and my parents loved me." I smiled again. "And like any parents they wanted good things for me and my two younger brothers." My voice turned thoughtful. "But, you know, looking back, I suspect there was more too it than that."

Needing something to do with my hands, I sat forward again and reached for the other bottle of nail polish. Bella handed it to me and automatically held out her hand to me. I shook the bottle and carefully started to paint her fingernails with the shiny grape purple color.

"I think my parents aspired to rise higher than the middle class and they saw me as their ticket into a world that was even more rarified than ours already was. And I really can't blame them for that, most people want something better for themselves and their children; there's no crime in that."

I found myself chuckling, but it was by no means a happy or amused sound. "Of course, what they didn't know was that they were making a deal with the devil. The devil, in this case, being one Royce King."

Bella sounded like she was barely breathing so I looked up at her. She was staring at me with rapt attention, any hint that she was ready to run was gone.

"Royce King was the son of the man that owned the bank my father worked in. Their last name said it all. The 'King' family was the closest thing we had to royalty in our town. Royce was everything a girl could want; rich, movie star handsome and powerful. And when my parents pointed me in his direction and we fell in love, or what I thought was love, everyone said it was a match made in heaven. Little did they know that because of Royce, my life would become a hell I never could have imagined."

I sighed a little. "We got engaged very quickly, of course, and planned a wedding lavish enough to be the talk of everyone in town for months, if not years. Interestingly, Royce and I didn't spend a lot of time together, but back then that wasn't unusual for young couples. Usually, we were only together during specific events or parties and even then we were often chaperoned, but I didn't mind. I figured we'd have our whole lives to be together and I just knew that I was going to have the perfect fairytale life, with the perfect husband, children and house on the hill. You see, that was one thing I'd always wanted that I didn't already have, a family; children especially. Vera, one of my closest friends, had gotten married at a young age, even younger than me and she'd had a little boy right off. I envied her for that, actually I think it was one of the few times that I'd envied anyone for anything. But her little Henry was so sweet, with dimples and dark, curly hair, I just couldn't help but be a little jealous."

Pausing for a moment to collect my thoughts, I tipped the brush back into the polish, being careful not to leave too much on it before I moved it back to paint Bella's thumb.

"Being the shallow creature I was, my envy of Vera and her adorable baby didn't sit very well. But I knew, without a doubt, that all I had to do was marry Royce and I'd have my family, and then _Vera_ would be the one to be envious of me and the beautiful babies I would have."

As I reached over to start the second coat on Bella's fingernails, I saw my hand shake slightly and I frowned at how hard this was turning out to be. Deciding to finish her nails when my hand was steadier, I slipped the brush back in the bottle and released her hand, but rather than looking at her, I looked out the window as I continued; my eyes and my memory on a time long ago.

"Oddly enough, I was at Vera's that night," I began. "The last night of my human life."

Even to my own ears, my voice was hollow and far away. "I was late leaving her house, late enough that it was dark and the streetlights were already on, but I wasn't worried, it wasn't far from Vera's house to mine and it wasn't a bad neighborhood. It was also a very cold night, unseasonably cold for late April, and as I hurried home, I remember worrying that the weather might affect the wedding."

Lost in my memories, I stared out into the forest beyond the house. "I was only a few streets from home when I heard them. A group of men across the street clustered under a broken street light, laughing too loudly and clearly drunk. I tightened my grip on my coat and was prepared to ignore them as I moved quickly and quietly past them. I even made a mental note to talk to my father about them. After all, it was 1933 and Prohibition was technically still in place. I thought it was unseemly for a group of rowdy, drunken men to be standing right out on the street like that."

I released a shaky breath. "And that's when I heard someone calling my name and I realized that Royce was one of those drunken derelicts I'd been mentally chastising a few moments earlier."

I let that settle between Bella and me for a moment, then quickly continued on before I changed my mind and decided to not tell her the rest. "I went over to him, of course. Why would I avoid my own fiancé, the man who supposedly loved me?" I picked at a stray carpet thread. "And the men I saw with him were no derelicts. Some of them were sons of other prominent families that I recognized, others were friends of his I'd never met. Apparently for a good reason. Because if I had, I think I might have already known just what kind of man Royce King truly was."

I ran a hand through my hair. "I was a little uneasy and a little uncomfortable with what I was seeing, but since it was Royce and at least a couple other men I recognized, I wasn't really worried... that is until Royce started pulling at my clothes."

Bella gasped, but I kept going. "You see, Royce had a new friend that had just come up from Atlanta and he wanted to 'show' me off. Of course, his idea of showing me off and mine turned out to be vastly different. My coat, a gift from him, came off first. He ripped it from my shoulders, scattering the brass buttons on the street. Next came my hat. He yanked it so hard, the pins ripped some of my hair out by the roots and I cried out in pain. They seemed to enjoy that, my pain, Royce most of all. It didn't stop there, of course, I tried to pull away, but I was surrounded by them and there was nowhere to go and no one to help me."

I thought about looking at Bella, but knew I wouldn't be able to continue if I saw horror or pity in her eyes so I focused on her newly painted toes. "I will spare you the ugly details, but when they were done they left me in the street. They were laughing as they stumbled away, telling Royce he'd have to find himself a new bride." I couldn't keep the hate out of my voice. "He was laughing right along with the rest of them, apparently unconcerned that he and his friends had just raped and, for all intents and purposes, beaten his own fiancé to death."

I was quiet for a moment then continued. "Cold and in pain, I lay in the street waiting to die. I was even eager for it. At that point, I knew that life as I knew it was over and even if by some miracle I'd lived, no one would have wanted me after that as I would be damaged goods. All the dreams I had were over. There would be no perfect life, no husband, no beautiful babies."

The hardest part of my story was over and I finally found the courage to look up at Bella. Tears swam in her eyes, but didn't fall. Rather than the pity I'd expected in her eyes, I saw understanding and... empathy; both of which I'm sure came from her own experience. I marveled silently at this human, no... I would not think of her like that again. She was now my sister in so many ways and that was how I would choose to think of her from now on.

"Carlisle found me then, he smelled the blood and came to investigate. He tried to save me, which honestly, kind of annoyed me, because, as I said, I wanted to die. When it was clear that there wasn't much to be done for me, he scooped me up and took me to the home he was sharing with Esme and Edward. After he'd bitten me, I didn't just want to die, I begged for it, even screamed for it as I recall. For three days, Carlisle sat with me and told me what was happening and that he was sorry, but that it would be over soon."

"When it was finally over and my change was done, I was so incredibly strong and even more beautiful; I also had just two things on my mind. Quenching my thirst and killing every last one of the men that had hurt me, including Royce." I kept my eyes on hers. "And that's what I did, I killed them all, leaving Royce for last. When I went to kill him, I wore a wedding dress I'd stolen." I smirked a little. "I suppose it was overly theatrical and a bit childish, but it helped remind me of what I'd lost and what he'd taken from me."

I allowed myself a proud smile. "I didn't drink from them though, not even Royce. I didn't want any part of them... in me ever again. Actually, I've never tasted human blood. My record on that is as clean as Carlisle's. The murder part is another story, of course."

My fingers started toying with the loose carpet thread again as I continued to keep my gaze locked on hers. "After I got my revenge, I was empty and still angry for what seemed like a long time. My future seemed to stretch out endlessly and even though I had Carlisle, Esme and Edward, I still felt utterly alone."

My expression softened. "And then Emmett came into my life. I saw him in the woods being mauled by that bear and something about him called to me. I don't know if it was the dark curls and dimples that showed even when he was grimacing in pain or the strange innocence that seemed so out of place on a man's face and reminded me of Vera's little Henry, or if it was something in my vampire nature that recognized him as my mate, but I knew I couldn't let him die. Even though I would be damning him to the same life I'd grown to hate, I couldn't stop myself from doing what I could to save him, or more accurately to make him like me."

To my surprise and writing carefully to avoid smudging her nail polish, Bella started writing something down. _"At least you got part of your happy ending."_

I smiled. "Yes, I guess I did. I got luckier than I deserved, really. Emmett loves me like no one ever has and he took to his vampire life like he was born to it. I love him more than I thought I could ever love someone and he's everything that I didn't even know I wanted. He makes things bearable and without him, I don't think I would still be here. I think I would have long ago found some way to die."

Bella nodded but didn't write anything further, I knew she understood how I felt about Emmett because I suspected that, after all was said and done, she felt the same way about Edward... or she had before we'd left her in Forks.

"But you see Bella, as wonderful as Emmett is, there are still things I will never have. Emmett and I will never sit on a porch growing old together with our children and our grandchildren all around us and I grieve for that everyday. And I think that's why I was so angry with you. In my mind, the choice you were making to be changed so you could be with Edward forever meant you were throwing away everything that I wanted."

As I looked at her, I saw her eyes glisten brightly with unshed tears, but I could tell she was forcing them back as she wrote something. _"But those things didn't matter to me. He was all I wanted."_

I noted that she'd written it in the past tense, but I didn't comment. "I know that now and I'm not sure why I felt so strongly about it then. Maybe I wanted to live through you. Maybe I envied you like I envied Vera." I sighed. "But whatever it was, I see now that I was wrong. At least wrong for you. After what you went through when we left you in Forks, then in Florida and since you've been here with us, I know that I have no right to tell you how to live your life or what choices to make."

Apologies were always hard for me, but in this case I took a deep breath and swallowed my pride. "So, I would like say I'm sorry and I hope that you can forgive me for the way I've treated you in the past. If you're willing, I'd like to start over. I can't promise that I'll never be a bitch to you again, after all, it does seem to be in my nature, but I would like us to be friends... sisters even."

Bella regarded me for a long moment, then she wrote something down. _"I'd like that."_

From watching her with Esme, I noticed that Bella reacted better if you let her make the decision to touch you or not, so I held out my hand. She looked from my face to my hand and then slowly she reached out and took my hand in hers.

I gave hers a gentle squeeze. "You're not alone, Bella. No matter what happens with Edward, you have me and Alice. I promise - we won't leave you again. And, although I know you can't remember much, if you ever need someone to talk to... or write to or whatever, about what happened to you in Florida, you can talk to me. You know now that I'm one of the few people that will be able to understand how it felt."

Slowly, Bella nodded and squeezed my hand back. There was one other thing that I'd been wanting to tell her, something I hoped would reassure her, but I was unsure if I should do it or not. However, the time and the mood of our conversation seemed right, so I went ahead and did it.

"I also want you to know that you're safe. I killed the monster that hurt you in Florida, Bella; he'll never bother you or anyone else ever again."

Our eyes met and I had expected to see horror or condemnation in hers, but there was neither. Instead, there was only relief and understanding; an understanding born of two people who had gone through a similar traumatic experience and had come out the other side. It was something that bonded us as sisters in a way that even biological siblings could not understand.

Deciding we'd gotten entirely too serious I picked up the nail polish bottle. "Now... why don't you give me your hand so I can put on the second coat of polish before Alice gets home and starts screaming?"

**BELLA**

Sitting alone in my room, I wriggled my toes and admired the bright blue color with a grin. I liked them blue. Rose was right; they did look good with my jeans. My fingernails on the other hand, I wasn't so fond of. Not because I thought Alice wouldn't approve, actually that would kind of be a plus at this point, but because the grape purple polish looked like bruises, almost as if I'd bashed each of my fingers with a hammer or something. It was fair to say that, after what happened at the hospital, I was sick to death of bruises and didn't really want to be reminded of them. I wasn't going to say anything though. I'd just wait until it started to chip off and then I'd find some remover, take it off and consider it a lesson learned.

Leaning back in my chair, I stretched and thought about the day. Overall, it had been a good day. My talk with Rose being one of the highpoints. It had given me a lot of food for thought. As sad as her story had made me and as sorry as I was for all she'd endured and lost, I was glad that she'd told me. Her words had struck a chord in me and I felt like I had a much deeper understanding of her now. We'd definitely both been through things that no one else could understand and I appreciated her offering to listen if I needed to talk... or more accurately, write about what happened.

The problem was, I didn't remember much about what had happened that last night in Florida. To be honest, I didn't _want_ to remember. At this point, my memory consisted mostly of shadows and pain and images of Anthony standing in the corner growling and yelling my attacker to leave me alone. As for what she told me about what she did to that monster and the fact that he would never hurt me again, I was glad she'd killed him. I wanted to feel some kind of remorse for feeling that way, but I couldn't. I was simply too relieved and grateful; and although I suppose it technically made me a vigilante, I knew that if I'd been in her place and I'd had the ability to erase the problem and kill the monster, I think I would have done the same thing she had. I'd like to think so anyway.

I also took a lot of comfort in the fact that Rose had said that she and Alice wouldn't leave me no matter how things came out with Edward and I knew Rose wasn't one to say things like that if she didn't mean them. Admittedly, part of me had been waiting for the other shoe to drop with the Cullen's. In fact, when I had them, one of my regular nightmares had consisted of images that had me waking up one day and finding everyone gone, the house empty and, everything but my room, stripped bare. But after all that Rose, Alice, and I had been through, I couldn't see them being so revealing to me about their pasts, only to have them up and abandon me again. That knowledge helped to ease something in my chest that I hadn't even known was as taut as a bowstring.

The other bright spot today was the fact that I'd managed to get downstairs to eat breakfast and lunch, both of which had stayed in my stomach with little effort on my part. I was making such good progress there was even talk of Jell-O with dinner. It almost made me want to laugh. Who knew that there would come a day when I would almost be thankful for the jiggly stuff? I did, however, make Esme promise that it would be any Jell-O, but lime green. As much as I'd loved Grandma Swan and her cooking, she used to make a lime green Jell-O salad with cottage cheese and cut up pieces of cream cheese in it. It was hands down one of the most disgusting things I've ever eaten and consequently, it had put me off even plain lime Jell-O. When I'd written down the story for her, Esme had laughed and said the Jell-O for my dinner would be something in the red Jell-O family.

On the other hand, the day had also had its downsides. First, there was the blow up with Alice this morning. When I'd gone back into the kitchen to finally have breakfast, she'd suddenly left, saying something about errands and shopping as she swept out the door and I hadn't seen or heard from her since. I'm sure she was a bit angry and confused as to why I'd gotten so mad at her over what most people would think were innocent comments. To be honest, I was a bit confused about it myself.

In the past, I'd always had a problem being angry at Alice, and by problem I mean I simply hadn't been able to work up much anger where she was concerned. I'd just figured she was a force of nature and had given in to whatever she'd wanted because it was usually easier. But this morning I hadn't been able to slough it off so easily. Maybe it was because I had been changed by what had happened to me over the last few months and I wasn't as accepting as I'd once been or maybe, despite the fact that she'd apologized, I still harbored some kind of resentment over the fact that my best friend could leave me so easily. In any case, I could see it was something I needed to work on.

And then there was Edward. I hadn't seen him since I'd slipped out of bed this morning. I wanted to ask Rose or Esme where he was or when he was coming back, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. After I'd pulled away from him this morning, I didn't want to send mixed signals by appearing to be desperate for him now, but that was exactly how I was feeling. And if I was being honest, at least with myself, I had to admit, I_ was_ beginning to depend on him again, and that frightened me. What if he left again? What if my actions this morning had made him finally throw up his hands and take off for parts unknown and no one in the house wanted to tell me? I didn't know if I could handle that again. I think it really would kill me this time.

"Bella?"

Alice's quiet voice startled me and I jumped. I hadn't even noticed her come into the room. Either she was using her vampire stealth or I'd just been too deep in thought.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," she said with sincerity.

I nodded to let her know it was all right.

"Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

I noticed that her expression was unsure, something I wasn't used to seeing on her face, but I appreciated the fact that she was asking me if it was all right. Tired of nodding, I wrote down my response this time and showed it to her. _"Of course."_

She looked relieved and rather than pulling up one of the small chairs in the room, she sat down at my feet with her back to the window as Edward often did. She was carrying a medium sized bag which she set down beside her on the floor.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about this morning," she said. "I realize now that what I said... the way I talked to you probably sounded condescending and that wasn't my intention."

And here I thought that Rose's apology earlier today had been surprising. But Alice wasn't really much better at apologizing than Rose was. So I decided that my answer should meet her halfway.

"_Well, I may have overacted... a little,"_ I conceded._ "Sorry about that." _

"It's okay." She smiled at me. "I guess I just wanted to give us some time together to just do girl stuff. Since you've been here, we've mostly been focusing on getting you physically better and I thought doing something kind of normal would be fun. I should have asked first and not just announced what we were doing." She rushed on before I could write anything in reply. "And I was only kidding about the facial."

I debated for a moment and then wrote something down._ "I don't like being told to 'cooperate.' They told me that in the hospital all the time. It makes me angry."_

Alice's eyes filled with understanding. "I didn't even think about that," she said. "I can see why it would make you angry and I promise I'll remember that in the future." Then she got a little glint in her eye and cocked her head at me. "But would you like to know what makes me mad?"

I blinked at the sudden shift in the conversation. She didn't really look mad, just a little annoyed. _"What?"_

She snatched up my hand. "PURPLE NAIL POLISH!" she all but screeched. "Really, Bella, have I taught you nothing?" Then she let out a long suffering sigh and dropped my hand. "But they're your nails and I accept that you can paint them whatever color you want."

I was a little surprised, but pleased by her easy acquiescence. _"Rose will be so disappointed,"_ I wrote with a smirk. _"She said it would drive you crazy and we were sure there would be lots of yelling."_

Alice rolled her eyes. "So maybe I'm turning over a new leaf. I've decided to PICK my battles from now on and what color you paint your fingernails is not a battle. It's more like a child's slap fight on the playground and I refuse to go there." The she grinned at me mischievously. "Besides, I have something more important to talk to you about." She picked up the gift bag beside her on the floor and handed it to me. "I come bearing gifts."

I frowned in surprise as I took the bag from her. It was white and silver with silver tissue paper flowing out of the top and it was heavier than I expected, but I had no idea what it could be. What could she possibly have gotten me? It wasn't as if I really needed anything these days; my needs were pretty simple.

Setting aside my pencil and paper, I started to pull the tissue paper out of the top of the bag. Finally getting it all out, I peered inside. The bag contained a white box. A few white boxes actually, one larger one and a number of smaller ones. The larger one had a logo of a silver apple on it's end. I sent Alice a curious look as I pulled the box out of the bag.

"It's an iPad!" she announced, all but squealing happily as she jumped up to stand beside me. "They're the newest thing, and I figured it would be easier to write on this than the pad and pencil. I thought about getting you a laptop or something like a Blackberry, but then I saw this and I knew it would be perfect."

She opened the top of the box and took out the slim, black object. I'd heard of iPads, of course, but I had never seen one up close. It was sleek and shiny and I had to admit that I was a little intrigued.

"Here's the power button," she said, pushing a button along one side. "I made sure it was all charged up and I loaded it with some apps I thought you might like."

The shiny black screen snapped to life. Small square icons dotted the screen and the background picture was what looked like a rain speckled window. It reminded me, oddly enough, of Forks and I wasn't sure how I felt about that; kind of sad, but a bit nostalgic too.

Alice was chattering on excitedly. "See it's got all these applications or apps on it and there's tons more you can add through the app store. And there's a notepad on here that I thought you could write on," she explained as she tapped the screen and a program opened that looked like a legal pad. "It's a touch screen and you can either use the virtual keyboard or you can us a special stylus to write directly on the screen." She grinned happily. "I even got you a blue tooth keyboard that you can use if you want the feel of a regular computer. The keyboard and the stylus are both in the bag along with a charging cable, a case, head phones, and a couple of other goodies. Go ahead, try it."

I was a little overwhelmed and almost afraid to touch it. It reminded me of something out of Star Wars or Star Trek. I touched the image of the legal pad and a keyboard flashed on the screen. I started to type out something, trying to get used to the feel of typing on the flat, glossy surface.

"_Love it, Alice, but you shouldn't have spent so much money."_

Alice waved her hand at me. "Eh, you know money is no big thing for us. Besides, I didn't just get one for you," she said. "I'm trying to drag this family into the 21st century, so I got everyone in the family one and I'm bound and determined that we're going to use them. They're all linked to the computer we have downstairs and I've set up an account to purchase the apps through. You can either download the apps directly onto the iPad or through the computer and then you can sync them. It's a little faster downloading them to the big computer and then syncing them, but it doesn't matter either way. It's also got Wi-Fi so you can use our wireless internet to surf the web and everything and you can load music on it like an iPod. Oh, and they have apps for anything and everything. Like stock market stuff for Edward, games for Emmett, fashion for me, Civil War for Jasper, cars for Rose, interior design for Esme and medical apps for Carlisle." She pulled a book out of the bag. "It's pretty easy to use it, but this book should explain all the features if you have any questions."

When I didn't respond right away, she knelt down beside me. "Look, I know I didn't ask you first, but I really was trying to be helpful. Like I said, I thought it would make it easier for you to write and type out things than having to carry around a pad and pencil all the time," she said, her voice almost pleading. "Please don't be mad."

I felt a little guilty that she automatically expected me to be angry with her when she'd done something so nice for me. Since she'd also gotten one for each person in the house, I decided not to give her too much grief over the extravagant gift that I really didn't need.

"_I'm not mad,"_ I typed. _"It's a great present. Thank you."_

"Eeee! I knew you'd love it!" She exclaimed hugging me. I didn't even have a chance to be uncomfortable with the hug before she pulled away and apologized. "Oh, sorry."

I smiled at her sheepishly, then startled her a bit when I hugged her back._ "Don't be sorry,"_ I typed after I'd released her. _"Thank you again, Alice, it's really amazing."_

She looked immensely relieved that not only had we patched things up from this morning, but I'd accepted her hug and her gifts all in one swoop. She was all but vibrating with happiness.

"Okay, I'm going to let you play with it without me looking over your shoulder. I'm going to go and see how everyone else likes theirs. I just hope Emmett hasn't broken his yet," she said rolling her eyes. "I'll be back to check on you later."

As she turned away, I managed to catch her wrist and stop her.

"Sorry, was there something else?" she asked puzzled.

I couldn't stand not knowing any more, so I swallowed my pride and started to type the question that had been weighing heavily on my mind all day.

"_Where's Edward?"_

She must have seen what I was going to write, because she answered before I'd even finished typing. "Oh, he's out hunting with Carlisle."

I frowned a little. _"But he's coming back?"_

Her expression softened and she knelt down next to me again. "Of course he is. I see them returning about ninety minutes from now."

When we'd all still been in Forks, Edward had gone hunting for days at a time, but since he'd rejoined the family here in New York, he'd always stayed close to the house, usually only being gone for an hour or two at the most.

"_But he's been gone all day." _

Understanding flooded her features. "Well, I think he just needed a little time to think."

I wasn't sure how to take that. _"Think about what?"_

Slowly and gently she laid her hand on my arm. Her touch was so light I could have easily pulled away if I'd wanted to, and perhaps because of that fact, I found that didn't I want to.

"I think you should ask him about that yourself when he gets back," she said quietly. "And Bella, he is coming back. I promise you that. He meant it when he said he's not going to leave you again."

I stared at her for a long moment and I saw nothing but sincerity in her eyes. She was telling me the truth. I was a little scared to find out what Edward had needed to do all this thinking about, but she was right, if I wanted to know so badly, I should have the courage to ask him myself.

She pulled me out of my thoughts when she broke into a little grin. "Now, will you please stop worrying and play with your new toy so I don't feel like my present is going to waste?"

I felt a little weight lift from my heart and I smiled back at her as I typed in a reply. _"Yes, ma'am."_

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Author's Follow-up Note: <strong>_In case you haven't figured it out yet, the timeline issue I was referring to at the beginning of the chapter was regarding the introduction of an iPad into the story. While it may seem like they've been around forever, iPads were first sold commercially starting in 2010. The timeline problem comes in because _New Moon_ was first published in 2006 and _The Twilight Saga Official Reference Guide_ says that the beginning of _New Moon_ was set in 2005. So, consequently, there's no way that an iPad could appear in _New Moon_ when this canon time line is used. However, as I said, I made the decision to include the iPad in this story regardless of this fact (this story is an AU after all and I wanted to give Bella something to write on beside a pad of paper and a pencil). If this timeline issue bothers you enough to stop reading the story, then I respect that, but the iPad (or 'tablet' as I'm going to often refer to it) is going to continue to crop up in this story. Thanks.

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><p><em><strong>Next Week: <strong>_We see where Edward went after he left Bella's room and he and Carlisle have a talk. Then Edward goes back to the house to talk to Bella. See you then!


	17. Chapter 17

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. Your reviews mean everything to me. Thanks also to everyone who was very supportive over the iPad/timeline issue. I didn't have one person say something negative about it, so I guess I was worried for nothing – story of my life.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Rose and Bella spent time together and Rose told Bella her story. Then Alice came back bearing gifts to help Bella communicate easier (the now infamous iPad) and they made up after their morning altercation. Before Alice left Bella to play with her iPad, Bella expressed concern over Edward's absence but Alice assured that he would return shortly.

And now on with the show...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 17<strong>_

**CARLISLE**

"Edward? What is it?" I asked calmly from my place on the fallen log as I watched him pace back and forth in front of me.

"What's what?" he muttered distractedly as he continued to pace.

I tried to resist sighing. I could see this conversation was going to stretch even my patience. "What's wrong?"

He stopped in his tracks and turned to me. "Why would you think something's wrong?"

"Well, we came out here four hours ago with the express purpose of hunting and yet, not only do you seem to have no interest in actually catching anything, you've been stomping around the forest so loud that no wildlife will come near us."

He blinked at me in surprise as if he had no idea what I was talking about. "We've been out here for four hours?" he said, his look of surprise fading into a frown.

Even though I knew the answer, I made a show of looking at my watch. "Actually, it's been four hours and twelve minutes since we left the house, but you get the idea."

My attempt at being lighthearted apparently fell flat because he just continued to look at me. I frowned back at him. Obviously, something was bothering him. I'd known something was off since he'd come downstairs. Part of the reason I'd come with him was to give him someone to discuss it with, but up until now he'd been remarkably silent... well, except for all the stomping around he'd been doing.

I tried to prod him by speaking with my thoughts rather than my words. _"Edward..."_

His blurted question cut off my thought. "Do you think changing Bella would help her get better?"

Now it was my turn to blink at him in surprise. _"Edward, what...?"_

He rushed on. "I mean, maybe the change would help blur her memory enough that she would be pulled out of her depression. At the very least it would restore her body to perfect health."

Even when she'd been the picture of health, Edward had abhorred the idea of changing Bella. So to hear him suggest it now, told me something was making him feel desperate.

"_What brought this on, Edward?"_

"Just answer the question," he all but growled back at me.

I could have given him any number of platitudes, but I thought he deserved to hear what I really thought.

"_While it's true, it would solve her health issues, I believe it would be very premature. Not only did she specifically tell me during the one real conversation I've had with her since she's been here that she didn't want to be changed, but you know as well as I do that once you're changed you're largely locked into whatever personality you have at the time. True change is difficult to achieve after that. In my opinion, unless her memory is completely erased like Alice's was, if Bella was changed now before she is emotionally stronger, her emotional wounds would carry over into her vampire life. My guess is that she would continue to be a mute and be just as quiet and withdrawn as she is now. I also wouldn't be surprised if she turned out to have issues with feeding as a vampire, just as she currently does with eating as a human." _

"You don't think that her newborn thirst would be powerful enough to override those issues?" he asked.

I shrugged. _"It's hard to tell. The thirst as a newborn is extremely difficult to deny, of course, but thirst and hunger, whether it be as a human or a vampire can always be affected by psychological factors. Even if we got her to feed initially, it doesn't mean she wouldn't starve herself later on. You know very well that Bella can be stubborn when she gets an idea in her head."_

Edward's shoulders visibly slumped and dragging his hands through his hair, he fisted them, yanking his hair hard enough to make me wince. He couldn't pull the strands out, of course, but I imagined that it still physically hurt.

"_Edward, why are you asking questions like this? You were always so adamant about not changing Bella. What's different now?"_

His head jerked up. "What's different?" he snapped. "What's different is that she's broken because of me and nothing I do seems to make her any better! Just when I think I'm close to getting through to her, she pulls away."

"_What happened this morning, Edward? What has you so upset all of a sudden?"_

He paced away and I didn't think he was going to answer me, but before I could even think of another question he spun back to face me.

"She put her arms around me!" he said, his voice almost tortured. "In her sleep, she reached out for me like she used to." He held out his hands as if imploring me to understand. "She didn't know what she was doing and I should have moved away from her before she woke up, but I didn't... I couldn't. Feeling her body against mine again was indescribable and I reveled in it. Before I knew what I was doing, I was touching her face." His eyes closed as if it was painful to remember. "Then she woke up and I said good morning." He paused. "For a moment, her eyes locked onto mine and I saw such yearning there that I thought maybe..." His voice broke off.

"_Maybe what?" _I prompted.

His eyes opened and they were full of painful disappointment. "Nothing apparently," he snapped. "Because then it was gone and all that was left in her eyes was an emptiness that ripped me apart." His hands clenched into fists of frustration. "Before I could say anything else she slipped out of bed, retrieved some clothes, and retreated to the bathroom."

I hated to see him so torn; especially given the fact that I firmly believed he wasn't seeing the forest for the trees in the situation with Bella. Actually, in my opinion, what he'd just described to me about Bella's behavior sounded like nothing short of extraordinary progress.

"_Edward, come sit down," _I said patting the log next to me.

He continued to pace. "I don't want to sit down."

Trying to make my thoughts sounds as paternal as possible, I tried again. _"Please, Edward, humor me."_

He stopped and glared at me, but he stalked over and sat down. I laid my hand on his shoulder. _"Son, I need you to really hear me now."_

"What?" he muttered dropping his head in his hands dejectedly.

"_You are helping Bella."_

He looked up at me. "But..."

"_No, buts. You ARE helping Bella,"_ I reiterated. _"She's come amazingly far in the short time that you've been here. I know that she still pulls away from you and that's hard for you to watch, but Edward, you have to understand that before you got here, we got next to nothing from her. Except for the two occasions when she spoke to Rosalie and to me, she was either completely unresponsive or screaming in near terror."_

So he could see for himself, I let images of Bella before he'd arrived roll through my mind. Her almost catatonic unresponsiveness; the blank look in her eyes; days spent barely existing, rather than living; the times we'd tried to touch her or get her to react and her resulting screams and struggles.

"_By comparison, she's blossomed since you've been here."_ I continued on after that had a moment sink in. _"She's communicating now, eating now, and I think your idea about involving her more in our lives is the right thing to do."_

This time I let other images, the positive ones that showed me her progress, run through my mind so he could see those as well. Even though he'd been here for them, I thought it was still important to remind him. The glimpses of renewed of life in her eyes; her tentative interactions with me, Edward and the rest of the family, and the fact that now she didn't usually cower in terror when she was touched.

I could see he was absorbing the images, but even they apparently weren't enough to overcome his frustration. "I know, you're right. But it's taking forever!" he growled.

"_I'm sure it feels that way, Edward, but you have to realize that Bella needs to learn to trust us again and that won't happen overnight."_

"It just kills me to see her in so much pain, especially given that I was the one who caused it."

"_We all played a part in what happened to Bella, and while apologizing is definitely called for, placing blame is not going to be productive."_

He laughed mirthlessly. "Rose said almost the same thing to me a couple of days ago."

His dubious expression told me he hadn't given my comment any more weight than he'd given Rosalie's, so I tried a different tactic to try and convince him.

"_Edward..."_ I began._ "You have to remember that five of the last six months have probably been the worst in Bella's life, especially the three months she spent in the hospital. Think about that. She's felt alone, abandoned by everyone, including us, and has suffered at the hands of uncaring doctors and a monster that wanted to hurt and kill her in the worst way imaginable. It's taken her SIX months and a lot of trauma to get to the point she it now. You have to see that, while I believe she has already come a long way, it will take longer than the month she's been here or the week that you've been here, for her to mentally process everything she's been through. I know you don't like to keep hearing me say this, but Bella needs time to heal emotionally. Time we HAVE to give her. We can lead her to the metaphorical water, show her that we aren't going to leave her again, show her that we love her and want her, but we can't make her drink from that truth or accept us until she's ready."_

He dragged a hand through his hair, sending it in all directions. "I know," he finally conceded. "Everything you said is true. It's just so frustrating. It felt so wonderful to have her in my arms again."

"_Of course it did," _I agreed. _"And I firmly believe that, someday, in the not too distant future, you will have her in your arms again and she'll be there willingly... happily."_

He scrubbed his hands over his face. "I hope so. Because right now, I'm living for that day."

I nodded. _"That leads me to something else I was hoping to speak to you about."_

He frowned. _"What's that?"_

"_It concerns Bella's medical care."_

That had him sitting up straighter. "What is it? Is she all right?" he asked in a voice that was quickly threatening to edge toward panic.

I held up my hand. _"She's fine, Edward. As I said, she is doing very well,"_ I tried to reassure him. _"So well, in fact, that I think we should start thinking about weaning her from the night time intravenous feedings and, consequently, the sedation sleep."_

He frowned. "But the sedation keeps away her nightmares," he argued. "And she's still so thin, doesn't she need the feedings?"

"_The feedings were only because she wouldn't eat otherwise, but if, as Alice has foreseen, Bella continues to keep eating, we can supplement her nutrition and help her put weight back on using conventional means,"_ I explained. _"As for the sedation sleep, it was never meant to be a long term solution to her sleeping issues. When her body was so badly injured and underweight, forced sleep and feedings were the best things for her and sedating her to accomplish both of them was a necessary evil. However, the sedative is very powerful, it's really more of an anesthetic than a sedative, and while it's not addicting in the traditional sense, it's really not good for her. The longer we keep her on it, the harder it will be for her to sleep without it and I don't mean because of the nightmares."_

Edward considered that. "Well, then we should stop using it."

I stared at him. _"Actually, what I think we should do is start involving Bella in her own care and ask her what she thinks and what she would like to do,"_ I suggested. _"I think part of her trauma over the last few months was the fact that she really didn't have control over what was done to her in the hospital. I don't think we should make the same mistake here. She needs to feel some control again and I think it would help her deal with her nightmares and sleeping without the sedative if we involve her in the process."_

Edward mulled that over and then nodded. "I'll talk to her about it when we get back."

"_I'm not sure if she realizes that we've been giving her the intravenous feedings and drugging her at night or not. If not, she may not be happy when she finds out about it." _I pointed out. _"Do you want me to talk to her for you? I'd rather have her get mad at me than you. I could also answer any questions she might have."_

He sighed. "As much as I don't want to give her something else to be angry with me about, if she's going to trust me, she has to know I'm being honest with her," Edward replied. "No, I think I should talk to her about it alone."

I had to admit I was proud of him for falling on his sword over this and facing Bella with it head on. I just hoped it didn't blow up in his face. _"Good, now why don't we get some actual hunting done, I've got to get back to the house in the next couple hours so I can get cleaned-up and go into the hospital."_

"Right, sorry," Edward said standing up. "I really didn't mean to be out here so long."

"_No need to be sorry. There's no harm done. In fact, I would have been upset if you hadn't felt comfortable talking to me about what was going on."_ I clapped him on the shoulder and then spoke aloud. "But could you do me one favor, son?"

He frowned at me. "What's that?"

My smile turned to a grin. "From now on, could you please keep the stomping to a minimum so the entire forest doesn't know that we're coming?"

Edward chuckled in response, the tension now gone from his eyes. "I think that can be arranged. You want stealth, I'll give you stealth." He grinned. "Just try and keep up, old man."

With that, he took off into the trees making no sound except for a light rustling of leaves as he passed. I was glad to see that his mood had improved greatly since we'd come out here. It made me feel like the trip had not been a wasted effort.

"I'll show you who's an 'old man'," I growled good naturedly and took off into the woods after him.

**EDWARD**

Once I'd finally gotten some things off my chest and had stopped brooding... and stomping, Carlisle and I had actually had a fairly productive hunting trip. I was feeling very full and there was no way anyone could accuse me of not feeding enough. And, despite my 'old man' comments, Carlisle had easily kept up with me; a fact which he was going to be reminding me of for the foreseeable future.

As for what was waiting for me back at the house, part of me was a little apprehensive about talking to Bella, but overall I was looking forward to clearing the air and talking to her about the things I'd discussed with Carlisle. So with Carlisle close on my heels, I opened the door and stepped inside the living room. Unfortunately, in what was apparently becoming a new and unpleasant tradition, I hadn't taken more than four steps into the room when I was confronted by my sister.

"Where the hell have you been?" Alice demanded as Rose came over and stood next to her. Jasper and Emmett watched us from the couch. Both of them had expressions on their faces that told me they were glad it was me on the hot seat and not them.

So much for brotherly support.

For such a little thing, my sister could definitely be intimidating. I'd been so focused on what I was going to say to Bella, I had missed the angry thoughts she was throwing my way. "It's good to see you too, Alice."

"Where have you been?" she repeated, clearly in no mood for levity.

I rolled my eyes. "You know very well that Carlisle and I were out hunting."

Rose folded her arms and she and Alice both glared at me. "For seven hours?" Rose said skeptically.

I was getting a little annoyed by their veiled, not to mention baffling, accusations. "I wish you'd make up your mind, Rosalie. First, you sic Jasper and Emmett on me to all but drag me out of the house to hunt and now you're angry that I hunted too long?" I said in exasperation. "Why does it matter how long I was gone, anyway? It's not as if I had a prior engagement that I forgot about."

Alice answered rather than Rose. "Maybe not, but you worried Bella."

I felt like she'd sucker punched me. "What do you mean?"

"After what happened between you two this morning and the fact that you left so abruptly, Bella was under the impression that you'd taken off and might not be coming back," Alice replied. Obviously, she'd had a vision of what had happened in Bella's room that morning, but I had no intention of elaborating on it.

I frowned. "Of course, I was coming back," I said instead. "Why would she think otherwise?"

"Oh, I don't know," Alice replied sarcastically. "Maybe it's because she still feels insecure and you left her this morning without saying a word or maybe it's because even though you've barely left her side for more than a couple hours at a time, you were gone most of the day."

"But I told her I would not leave her again, why didn't she believe..." I sighed as my brain answered my own question. "Because she still doesn't trust me," I said sadly.

Carlisle patted my shoulder. _"It will take time,"_ he reminded me quietly.

I forced myself not to fall back into the pit of frustration and depression I'd been in earlier. He was right. It would take time and I knew that my words alone would not convince her. I would have to _show_ her. And if that meant reassuring her every time I left her side, then that's what I would do.

And then, unexpectedly, I had a small moment of epiphany.

My head snapped up so that my eyes met Alice's annoyed gaze. "Wait, she was worried about me coming back?" I asked feeling the smirk form on my face. "She _wanted_ me to come back?"

Bella had missed me.

Bella had wanted me.

If both those things were true then maybe I hadn't killed what she'd felt for me and she still cared. Maybe she could forgive me and there really was a chance I could bring her back and we could salvage something from the embers of our relationship. Hope swelled inside me.

And I was promptly jerked out of those thoughts when Rose's hand hit the back of my head with a solid slap.

"Wipe that smirk off your face," Rose snarled. "Don't you dare act smug for making her worry."

I rubbed my head. "I am not smug about making her worry. I am happy because she wanted me to come back despite everything that's happened to her," I growled back. I had a new sympathy for all the times Emmett had been on the receiving end of one of those slaps as Rose apparently did not use a light touch, but I focused my attention on Alice. "You did tell her I was coming back, didn't you?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "No, brother dear, I told her that you'd abandoned her again to take up with a harem of dancing girls and she should just get over it," she snarled. "Of course, I told her you were coming back!"

Esme had joined this little party about the time that Rose was cracking my skull with her slap and she chided my sister, "Alice, please, you're not helping."

Alice huffed out a breath. "Fine. I told her you were out hunting with Carlisle and that you needed to do some thinking, but you'd be back. That seemed to satisfy her." Then she added in a mutter. "Although after this morning's upheaval, you're just lucky that she listened to me."

I nodded. "Well, thank you for reassuring her that..." I stopped as her words sank in. "Wait, what upheaval?" I asked. "Did something happen after I left?"

Alice went from glaring at me to looking mildly chagrined. Clearly, she had hoped I hadn't heard that last part. She was also being careful to not think about what had happened so I couldn't read it in her thoughts either.

"Okay, 'upheaval' might be putting it a bit strongly," she began.

Carlisle was frowning now too. "What happened? Did Bella have trouble eating again?"

"No, nothing like that," Esme replied, then shot a look at Alice. "Well, not exactly like that."

From his thoughts, I could tell Carlisle was getting as frustrated as I was. "Would someone please start explaining what happened after we left?" he demanded.

Alice let out a long suffering sigh and her mind began to run through the day's events as Esme started to tell Carlisle out loud what had transpired.

I saw how happy everyone was to see Bella come downstairs without protest to have breakfast and how she took Esme's hand and allowed her to lead her into the kitchen. Both positive happenings in my opinion.

Then I saw Alice telling Bella about the spa day. And that's where I saw that things had gone off the rails. Bella went from wary to almost... defiant during her conversation with Alice in the kitchen. I knew that, in the past, Bella had been uncomfortable with what she called Alice's "Bella Barbie" interludes and as I watched things unfold, I couldn't believe that Alice had handled things so badly.

I was on the verge of saying something rather pithy to my sister about what had happened, when I saw how Bella had handled things. Even without being able to speak, I had to admit that I was proud of the way Bella had stood up to Alice and stubbornly refused to put up with her behavior, even in the face of Jasper trying to soothe her. Bella might be mute, but she definitely had some stubborn spirit left in her. The snap of anger in her eyes, rather than fear, sadness or apathy, was a welcome sight, as was the gleam of triumph in Bella's eyes when she won the argument with Alice, got her way and went back into the kitchen to eat breakfast.

I followed the rest of the story when Rose picked it up and talked about her time with Bella in the bedroom. Not unexpectedly, her verbal description to the rest of the family was much less detailed than what I saw in her mind. I was proud of the way Bella had responded with compassion to Rose's story and I was immensely touched by what she'd written when Rose had spoken about her regrets of not being able to have children or grow old.

"_But those things didn't matter to me. He was all I wanted."_

I wasn't bothered by the fact that Bella had spoken in the past tense. From Rose's memory, the look on Bella's face when she'd written it and the tears in her eyes told me my earlier thoughts about there still being a chance for us were correct.

That idea was only strengthened when Alice finished the story and described Bella's reaction when she'd gotten back from shopping and presented Bella with one of iPads she'd gotten for everyone in the family and Bella had asked where I was. Everything Alice had told me earlier about Bella being worried about why I'd left and if I was coming back had happened just like she described.

Carlisle spoke before I could. "While I don't approve of all of Alice's actions," he said giving Alice a pointed look. "I have to admit that Bella's responses to her interactions with Rose and Alice are very encouraging. Except for the time she threw herself between Edward and Jasper and Emmett, we've seen no indication she was well enough to stand up for herself like that."

He turned to my brother who had moved to stand by Alice. "Oh, but Jasper, I'm going to request that, at least for the time being, you do nothing to try and alter Bella's moods or emotions."

Jasper frowned. "But why? Don't we want to keep her calm?"

Carlisle sighed. "Under normal circumstances, yes, but the situation with Bella is not normal. Over the last six months, I believe Bella has repressed most, if not all, of her emotions. Consequently, she is going to need to start expressing them as part of her healing process. So, even if those emotions, moods and reactions seem out of proportion to a given situation, we, and I mean all of us, still need to let her experience them." His gaze touched each of us. "Do you all understand?"

We all nodded our agreement.

"Good, now Edward, why don't you go see Bella. You have a lot to talk to her about and I'm sure she'll continue to worry until she sees you."

I sent him a grateful look. Talking to Bella was uppermost in my mind. Without another word, I turned and went upstairs. As I reached the top of the stairs, I saw that her bedroom door was open and I could hear noises, a mixture of tapping and what I thought was chirping or maybe laughter that didn't sound anything like Bella's, coming from her room. My assumption that the noise was coming from the iPad Alice had given her was confirmed when I stopped in the doorway and saw her sitting in her chair with her head bowed over the device.

Knocking lightly on the door, I announced my presence. "Bella?"

At the sound of my knock and my voice, Bella's head snapped around and I saw relief and even a flash of happiness in her eyes before she was able to suppress it. I tried to keep my satisfaction under control and my expression neutral.

"May I come in?" I asked giving her the choice.

She stared at me for a moment and then nodded. I walked over and sat down in my usual spot; on the floor at her feet with my back to the window. I liked the spot because it not only allowed me to face her when she was sitting in her chair, but it also physically put my body in a lower and therefore less threatening position in relation to hers.

"I see you're enjoying Alice's present," I said indicating the iPad on her lap. She glanced down at it and then looked back at me and nodded.

I tried to make some small talk as a way to work up to the discussion I needed to have with her. "It sounded like you were playing something," I prompted.

Nodding, she blushed a bit as if she were a little embarrassed and I felt a rush of warmth go through me. I'd missed that blush.

Slowly, she turned the device around so I could see the screen. Four little red birds sat bouncing near what looked like a large slingshot.

"Is it a game?" I guessed. She nodded. "Could you show me how to play?"

My question was met with silence and a long, assessing look. I was on the verge of taking it back when she handed me the device and carefully slid out of her chair to sit next to me on the floor. To say I was surprised and delighted was an understatement, but there was no way I was going do anything discourage her, so I said nothing and actually held my breath in anticipation of what she was going to do.

After taking the device back from me, I watched as she demonstrated how to play the game, which I discovered was called "Angry Birds." I found myself entertained by the game, but I was absolutely riveted by Bella's reaction. The look of concentration when she launched the birds into whatever challenge they were faced with, the familiar way she bit her lip in anticipation of the outcome, and her smile at knocking over things and squashing the little green opponents; it all seemed so... normal that it further lifted my spirits.

"Alice definitely knows how to pick good toys," I commented with a chuckle. "I haven't had a chance to look at the one she got for me, but she assured me that I'll have fun with it."

Bella glanced at me with a small, shy smile and went back to playing. We sat quietly for a few minutes as she played and then I risked starting the discussion I wanted to have with her.

"I'm sorry that I left this morning without saying anything," I said quietly.

Bella's finger jerked slightly and the bird she was trying to aim in the game fell well short of it's intended destination, but Bella had no other outward reaction to my statement and she moved her finger to aim the next bird.

"I had no idea it would make you worry that I wasn't coming back."

Again, her finger jerked and this time the bird simply fell out of the slingshot to bounce lamely on the ground. Bella stared down at the bird as it lay there for a moment then disappeared in a flurry of scattered feathers. Then, a message came up telling her that she had failed the level. Rather than tapping the screen to clear it, she simply stared at the message for a long moment. I thought about trying to say something else, but thought it better to wait as see what happened. She made no move to get up from her place beside me, which I took as a positive sign.

Finally, Bella tapped the screen a few times and closed the game. Then she tapped again and a new program opened. This one looked like a page from a yellow legal pad, complete with thin blue lines. She tapped the page and a keyboard appeared on the screen and she began to type.

"_Why DID you leave this morning? Alice said you needed to do some thinking."_

I sighed. "Yes, I guess I did."

"_About what?"_

I looked at her for a long moment and then decided to go with honesty. "A lot of things, I suppose. Chief among them, the worry that my being here is not helping your recovery, especially when I do something like I did this morning that risks breaking any tiny amount of trust that you might still have in me."

Her eyes snapped up to mine in surprise and then she frowned. _"That's what you had to think about?"_

I nodded. "Among other things."

"_No..."_ her fingers paused and she shook her head, then continued. _"I don't blame you for... no."_

"Perhaps, but I blame myself," I told her. "I'm sorry that I was touching you without permission. I know I shouldn't have but you were just so lovely I couldn't resist." I laid my hand on hers. "I've missed being able to touch you."

"_It's all right." _Her fingers paused, then she typed._ "I'm sorry, I pulled away."_

"You have nothing to apologize for," I said.

"_It's just that it's still hard for me," _she tried to explain.

I lightly squeezed her hand. "I know.

We sat quietly for a time and while she didn't take my hand, she didn't pull her hand out from under mine either, so I was content. Then, as if coming to some kind of decision, she pressed a button on the iPad to wake it up and typed out something with her free hand.

"_And here I thought..."_ Her fingers paused on the virtual keys.

"Thought what?" I prompted gently.

Her fingers continue to hesitate over the keys, then she rapidly started typing as if she couldn't get the words out fast enough. I imagined it was the typed equivalent of blurting out a verbal answer.

"_That you got tired of me pulling away all the time and gave up on me."_

"No, of course, not," I tried to reassure her. "Why would you think that?"

"_Everyone does eventually."_

"Does what?"

"_Gives up on me," _she typed out._ "I wouldn't blame you if you did."_

Something twisted in my chest. I hated that she felt that way, felt like everyone had not only abandoned her in the past, but would continue to do so in the future. And what's more, she placed the blame for the squarely on her own shoulders. I wanted nothing more to gather her in my arms and hold her until she knew that I would never give up on her or abandon her again, but given her phobia about being touched, especially in a way that she didn't choose or could get out of easily, I didn't think she was ready for that yet, so I picked up her hand and entwined my fingers with hers.

"Well, I'm not everyone," I told her. "I will not get tired of you and I'm not leaving you again. I'm here to stay."

Her fingers were much slower as she typed the next part. _"But you left before."_

I knew she meant six months ago in the woods and not this morning. What could I say to that? I could hardly argue with her statement. She was right, I had left her. However, in this situation, the important thing for her to know was that I hadn't done it because I've given up on her, far from it.

"Bella?" I said softly. "Look at me."

I stared at her, willing her to turn her face up to look at me. When she continued to stubbornly stare at the screen, I lifted my free hand and, hoping that she would not bolt, I very gently laid my fingers on her jaw and turned her face to mine. While there was tension in her body, I was pleased to see that she still made no move to shift away from me as her eyes slowly lifted.

"Yes, my own stupidity, my misguided need to protect you, and my arrogance in making such a decision without consulting you, made me leave you once. But hear me now." I spoke my next words slowly and deliberately. "I. Will. Never. Leave. You. Again."

She made no comment, written or otherwise, but only looked at me as if assessing my sincerity.

I cupped her cheek in my palm. "And if my words aren't enough for you, that's all right because I plan to prove it to you with my actions every day for the rest of your life."

Her eyes closed and I knew that at least part of her had surrendered the battle. I also knew the war inside her still raged, but right now I was going to take what I could get or, in this case, what she would give me. Hope and love soared inside me as her face pressed itself into my palm and she sagged against me with her head resting on my shoulder. Embolden by her response, I put one arm around her shoulders in a loose hug that I knew would be easy for her to get out of if she chose to do so, but, to my immense relief, she stayed where she was.

It felt as if we'd reached some kind of truce and so, at least for the moment, we sat there quietly and I simply absorbed her touch and her quiet presence while I had the chance.

But, eventually, and as much as I hated to break the moment, I knew we still needed to discuss one other issue so I risked opening up a new can of worms and hoped it would turn out as well as our previous discussion had.

"I need to talk to you about something else, Bella," I began.

Slowly, I dared to believe almost regretfully, she finally pulled back to look at me and I dropped my arm from around her shoulders, but continued to lightly hold her hand. I was relieved to see that her look was more questioning than wary.

"You probably don't know this, Bella, but to help your body heal and keep away the nightmares, after you fall asleep every night we've been giving you a sedative to help you stay asleep and intravenous feedings to give your body nutrients and help you gain weight."

I steeled myself for her response. I had expected anger or sadness or some other outraged emotion. What I got was even more surprising. She, quite calmly, turned back to the iPad and typed something out.

"_I know about the drugs and the feedings at night."_

I blinked at her. "You do? But how?"

She glanced at me and I could all but see the wheels turning in her head as if she was deciding whether or not to tell me. _"Sometimes people say things when they think you're asleep that they don't say when you're awake."_

Our vampire senses were so finely tuned, I was surprised that she'd been able to make us think she was asleep when she wasn't, or at least wasn't completely asleep.

"So when we first put you to bed at night, before we give you the sedative, are you really not asleep?"

"_No, usually, I'm asleep,"_ she typed in reply. _"But not always."_

I looked at her for a moment. "Where did you learn to have so much control over your body and your breathing?"

She didn't answer right away and I assumed she was once again debating what to tell me. Even when she was speaking she'd always edited her thoughts, but now she'd taken it to a maddening new level and I had to work on holding onto my patience.

"_In the hospital,"_ she typed. _"It came in handy."_

I frowned. "How so?"

Another pause before answering. _"Making the doctors and nurses leave me alone or making them think I'd taken the sleeping pills or medication they gave me."_

Now I was the one to pause before responding and for what felt like the hundredth time that day, something in my chest flexed painfully. Knowing that she'd had to do that to survive being trapped in the hospital at the hands of its uncaring staff was hard for me, especially given that she had been there because of my actions. Rather than trying to delve further into that potential black hole and possibly upsetting her by making her talk about her time in the hospital before she was ready, I pressed on.

"Carlisle is concerned, and so am I, that the sedative we've been giving you at night could be harmful if we keep using it. He'd like to start weaning you off of it over the next week."

"_Harmful how?"_

"The longer you take it, the harder it will be for you to sleep without it. Plus, it's really more of an anesthetic than a sedative and was not meant to be taken regularly over a long period of time."

She considered that and nodded, so I continued. "He's also very pleased with your progress in eating solid food, so he'd like to stop giving you the intravenous feedings as well." I paused to see if she would comment but she remained thoughtful.

"But we also agree that you should have a say in your own treatment," I explained. "So what do you think about us taking you off the sedative and the feedings?"

"_That's fine," _she answered, this time without hesitation.

I was a little surprised at the ease of her answer. Not to mention that I'd hoped for a more in depth answer than 'fine,' so I tried to prompt her to elaborate. "Without the sedative, you might start having nightmares again," I pointed out.

She toyed with the corner of the device before she started typing. _"Not crazy about the nightmares, but it's for the best. The I.V. makes my hand and wrist hurt anyway."_

Again, I blinked at her in surprise. "It does?" I said worriedly as I looked down at her hand where it rested in mine and saw the I.V. port that was taped down. I ran my fingers gently over the back of her hand and wrist. "Why didn't you say something?"

Bella shrugged. _"It's not a big deal,"_ she typed._ "I got used to it in the hospital."_

I hated that she'd been suffering in silence, but then again, much to my frustration, that was a common thing for Bella. "Well, hopefully taking the I.V. port out will take care of that, but I'll also ask Carlisle if there's anything we can do to help with it."

She nodded as I continued. "On the other hand, Carlisle will probably want to leave in the central line port in your chest for a bit longer in case you have any problems with keeping food down and he needs to go back to the intravenous feedings."

It was then that I saw a flash of irritation in her eyes and her lips were pressed tightly together as she typed a reply. _"All I can do is try and keep eating, Edward. I don't enjoy throwing up, you know."_

My comment was not meant to be admonishing and so I wasn't sure why she'd taken it that way, but I suspected that her sudden shift in mood signaled the fact that her boundaries had been pushed far enough for one day. Consequently, I backed off and tried to fix it without sounding condescending.

"I know and I'm sorry you had to go through that," I agreed. "Hopefully your body has adjusted now and it won't happen again. As I said, Carlisle is really pleased with how well you're doing... and so am I."

Her eyes flashed up to mine and she assessed me with a frown. She always had a hard time accepting compliments and I assumed that this was no exception. What she saw in my face must have satisfied her because her expression slowly softened.

I smiled at her and jerked my head toward the iPad in her lap. "Now why don't you show me some of the other features on your new toy so I'll be ready when Alice gives me mine."

To my delight, she managed a small, earnest smile and with a nod, she picked up the device and began her demonstration.

TBC...

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><p>Well, at least that's a little progress. I hope you all liked it. I couldn't resist throwing in the <em>Angry Birds<em> part. That stupid game had me hooked for weeks. Plus I thought that the image of the birds falling out of the slingshot into a broken, feathered heap and then Bella failing the level fit nicely.

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><p><em><strong>Next Week in Chapter 18:<strong>_ Bella has a terrible nightmare, one that will set off a chain of events that will either wipe out all of her progress... or finally heal her once and for all.

I know, that was cryptic, but I have to build some kind of anticipation, right? See you next week!


	18. Chapter 18

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. You're reviews and support mean everything to me.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Carlisle and Edward did a lot of talking during their hunting trip and Edward brought up the idea of changing Bella to help her with her emotional and physical issues, an idea Carlisle quickly shot down. Edward returned to the house only to find Alice and Rose angry with him because he'd worried Bella by being gone so long without a word. Edward went to talk to Bella and while she still isn't ready to take him back with open arms, they did have a good discussion about some of their issues and then some bonding time over Bella's new iPad.

Hold on folks, it's get bumpy from here...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 18<strong>_

**BELLA**

I was standing in the forest completely lost. I had no idea how I'd gotten there or which way I should go to find my way out. As I studied my surroundings, I realized that things looked odd to me. It appeared to be daytime and I swear I could see sunshine high above me shining down on tops of the trees. While seeing the sun in Forks was not an everyday occurrence, that's not what seemed odd to me. The really strange thing was that down where I stood on the forest floor it was too dark. Even if the day was oppressively grey and overcast, I'd lived in the Pacific Northwest long enough to know what the forest should look like during the day and this wasn't it. Around me it was as black as it would be at night, almost as if the light above refused to penetrate down this far. And there was literally no light coming from the peripheries of the forest to tell me where I should go. It made me think, unpleasantly, of being in a very deep hole.

It was cold too, I could even see puffs of air as I breathed out in ever quickening pants as my fear and anxiety began to get a foothold. A shiver ran through me before I could control it.

I was almost sure I was being watched by unfriendly, glittering eyes.

I had to move, to do something to get myself out of here. Mentally flipping a coin, I took a step to the right but froze when I heard a familiar voice whisper in my ear.

"I don't want you."

I whirled around, but no one was there. "Edward?" I called.

His voice was louder now, but his tone was maddeningly calm. "I don't want you," he repeated.

My heart was thudding rapidly now for an entirely different reason than a fear of the dark. "What? Edward, where are you?" I said stupidly.

I tried to follow his voice, but it was difficult as it seemed to come from all directions. It was then I realized that I couldn't pinpoint a direction because the words weren't being spoken next to my ear but from inside my own head.

"I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not."

"You don't have to pretend for me," I insisted to the dark. "I want you just as you are!"

His words were still calm and matter-of-fact as if he was reading the weather report and not systematically smashing my heart into small bleeding pieces. "You're not good for me, Bella."

I couldn't argue with him there. I'd never been good enough for him. If he didn't want me, there was nothing I could do to keep him. Throwing away any scrap of pride I had, I did the only thing I could think of... I begged.

"But you promised not to leave me!" I said hating the pleading in my voice.

"I let this go on too long," he continued evenly. "Everyone else is gone, including Alice. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"No! I don't want Alice to go!" I insisted. She was my best friend, how could she leave me?

Heedless of my words, his voice continued in its calm, perfectly pitched tone. "We thought a clean break would be better for you, so everyone is gone. We won't bother you again."

"But I don't want any of you to go!"

"Don't worry, you're human," he said, pointing out the obvious. "Your mind is no more than a sieve and time heals all wounds."

Contrary to what he was saying, I knew the wound he was inflicting now would never heal. As long as he was no longer part of my life, the wound would gape like an obscene maw in my chest.

"As for me, my kind are easily distracted."

I covered my ears, not wanting to hear the rest, but given that his voice was inside my head, it did no good. To make matters worse, each time he'd spoken, his words had reverberated in my head, as if they were bouncing off the walls of my mind. The more words he spoke, the louder the reverberation, until it was an almost deafening jumble of words that cut me inside like a thousand knives.

Then, with a jolt, the words stopped and it was utterly, terrifyingly silent.

His next words were spoken with perfect, crystal clarity. "It will be as if I never existed."

As soon as he said it, I had the urge to laugh with full blown, put-me-in-a-straight-jacket-and-take-me-to-a-padded-room hysteria. There was no way he could live up to that statement. Even _he_ couldn't turn back time. Being with him had changed me and there was no way he could undo that. I knew he existed and even if that memory was the only part of him I could have and despite the fact that it hurt like I was being wrenched in two, then I would fight to hang onto it with the last breath in my body.

I tried one last time to change his mind. "Please don't leave me," I pleaded. "I love you."

There was no pause, no apparent moment of thought or indecision and his voice was completely devoid of warmth or love when he spoke. "Goodbye, Bella."

And then he was gone. Like a spirit leaving my body, I felt him go; the sense of loss was like a tangible, physical blow that left me stunned and almost breathless. But even then, I had to try and hold onto him.

"Edward?" I called, knowing it was fruitless but unable to stop myself.

Of course, there was no answer; there was nothing but the dark around me, the pale glimmers of light above me, and the continued feeling that someone was watching me... someone that wasn't Edward. I shoved the feeling away and focused on finding him. Off in the distance, I could hear a piano begin to play the opening strains of the lullaby Edward had once written for me. Hearing it made my already wounded chest burn as if someone was pouring salt or alcohol on it.

"Edward! Come back!" I screamed over the music. "Please come back!"

Even though I didn't know which way to go and couldn't see where I was going, I started running as I repeatedly called his name. My calls sounded flat in the darkness, as if they were being absorbed rather than bouncing or echoing through the trees. How I didn't trip over something in my headlong plunge I didn't know... or care. Something in me knew that if I stopped running, stopped searching for him, Edward would truly be lost to me once and for all.

So I ran through the dark until I thought my lungs would implode from the lack of oxygen that my body was trying to use to make itself keep moving. All the while, my lullaby played softly in a continuous loop. In case it really was Edward playing, I tried to follow the sound of the music, but it seemed to come from all directions and it was quickly apparent that it would be impossible to follow it. I rounded a bend in the invisible trail I was following more out of instinct than any real idea where I was going and I came to a crashing halt and the music fell silent.

There, blocking my path, stood an enormous figure of a man and when I say enormous, I mean as in Andre the Giant enormous, and he all but blocked out what little light was coming down through the trees. While I couldn't see much in the way of features on his face or what color his hair might be, his white teeth gleamed out at me and the whites of his dead eyes made the large coal like black pupils look even more dangerous. Despite the black eyes, I had the sense that he was human and not a vampire. In any case, no pair of eyes, vampire or human, not even James' when he'd had me trapped in the dance studio, had ever filled me with so much fear.

"I've been watching you," he said, his voice low and rough.

"Edward!" I called, knowing he would be my only hope against someone like this. "Help me!"

The dark figure seemed unconcerned. "He's not going to save you now," he said with a chuckle. "No one is going to save you."

I knew at that moment that, whoever this was, he meant to kill me, probably as painfully as possible. "EDWARD!" I screamed. "PLEASE, help me!"

"That's fine, yell all you want to. He's not coming and no one is going to hear you."

Every instinct I had was screaming for me to do what any sane person would do when they were faced with a huge menacing figure.

Run.

The only problem with that was that my feet were suddenly glued in place and I couldn't move.

I heard him rubbing his hands together gleefully. "Yes, she said that I could have you and I think it's about time I collected what's due me."

"Please," I begged, not knowing what else to do. "Please, don't hurt me."

Now he laughed outright. "Oh, sugar, I'm definitely going to hurt you. I'm going to take what I want from your scrawny little ass and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. Then I'm going to snap your neck like a twig and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."

And with that, he lunged at me.

"Noooooo!" I screamed.

Mid-scream, I snapped out of the nightmare and awoke. My body was shaking; my skin was clammy from sweat, my head hurt, and the taste of adrenaline was sharp and metallic in my mouth.

It took me a moment to process the fact that someone's hard, cool arms were also around me, rocking me slowly, their lips pressed to my hair, and their voice softly crooning in my ear as the morning sun streamed in through the window.

"It's okay, Bella. I'm here. You're safe," he said softly. "Just breathe."

From the scent of him and the sound of his voice, I didn't have to look up to see that it was Edward who was holding me. Since in the dream he'd abandoned me, the realization made me tense for a moment and I had to fight the urge to shrink away from him, but I forced myself to relax. Our issues aside, waking up from a nightmare in his embrace was infinitely more appealing than waking up without it as I'd done for so many months before I'd come to live with the Cullens.

Actually, it had been Edward's arms that had been holding me after each nightmare I'd had in the four weeks since he and Carlisle had taken me off of the sedative and the nighttime feedings. In the beginning, Carlisle had discussed putting me on some kind of sleep medication that was designed for long term use like _Ambien_ or _Lunesta_ so that I would sleep deeper and hopefully more peacefully, but I had wanted to at least try and see if I could sleep without taking anything. Since me sleeping unaided was ideal anyway, Carlisle had not pressed the issue, saying we could try something if I wanted to later on.

Looking back, I think it was a good decision on my part, even if I did have cause to rethink it on a number of occasions. Falling asleep hadn't been the problem, but staying asleep, whether from general restlessness or a nightmare waking me up had been the issue. The first few nights I'd had multiple nightmares and had gotten very little sleep at all, but then they had begun to retreat a bit and now I had no more than one a night and there were days when I didn't have any at all.

When I did have the nightmares they were usually a variation of the one I'd just had, although I'd never had the added soundtrack of my lullaby playing or the words spoken by the menacing figure. In the past, the nightmares were generally a combination of some form of replay of what happened with Edward and me in the forest when he'd left me and a dark figure physically blocking my path but not speaking to me. While I couldn't be sure and refused to think about it enough to really try and remember, I suspected the figure was the orderly that had attacked me in the hospital; the one I called 'The Dark One'.

Hearing his words and his threats as I had in this most recent nightmare, my fear and anxiety had gone to a new and unpleasant level. Before I could stop myself, I wondered if the man, the 'Dark One,' in the hospital had spoken the same words to me that I'd heard in my nightmare or if my mind had merely conjured them up. But I had no answer for that and I buried the thought before I could examine it further.

Practically everyone except Jasper and Emmett, had asked me about my nightmares, offering to listen if I wanted to talk about them. Carlisle had even said he thought it would be cathartic to talk about them, or at least 'talk' in the sense of typing them out, or maybe writing them down in a journal even if no one else read them, but I had no intention of doing either one. Since I didn't even want to think about them, I definitely didn't want to type them out or commit them to paper, electronic or otherwise.

I also knew that it would hurt Edward to hear how I relived him leaving me. A small, petty part of me wanted to make him feel some of the hurt I had in the months he'd been gone, but despite everything, I just couldn't bring myself to do anything that would deliberately cause him pain. There was also the fact that he really had been wonderful during the last four weeks. Always kind, always attentive, doing whatever I asked, watching over me at night, putting up with my nightmares, and spending time with me. As much as that same petty part of me wanted to refuse to acknowledge it, I could see he was trying hard to make amends.

I let him hold me for a few more minutes until my breathing evened out and the trembling in my body had stopped. Then I pulled back to look up at him and he gently tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Are you all right?" he asked me as he studied my face with a small frown.

I nodded and gave him a small smile, which I hoped would reassure him. I jerked a thumb over my shoulder toward the bathroom and he released me so I could get out of bed.

"I'll tell Esme you'll be down for breakfast after your shower," he said.

I nodded and collected some clothes from the closet before going into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it. Despite my attempts to assure Edward I was fine, the nightmare still clung to the edges of my mind and I was finding it hard to shake it off. The pain of Edward leaving me again and the fear of the hulking dark figure, coupled with the new soundtrack that had been added, had left me feeling especially out of sorts today and as I pushed away from the door, I hoped that a hot shower would help me settle down.

After brushing my teeth and emptying my full bladder, I turned on the shower so the water could heat up and I stripped off the flannel pajama bottoms and t-shirt I'd worn to bed. I had gotten so used to wearing regular clothes to bed that it still felt a little strange to be wearing actual pajamas again, but when they had appeared on my bed two weeks ago, presumably courtesy of Alice, they looked too soft and comfortable to resist so I'd added wearing them to my evening routine. It hadn't escaped my notice that in response to my embracing the idea of pajamas, additional sets of them, both in flannel and lighter weight fabrics like satin and soft knits had also magically appeared in my closet.

I piled my hair into a messy bun to keep it out of the way and stepped under the hot water. It felt wonderful and I stretched, glad once again that I no longer had to deal with wearing the brace for my broken arm or the central line in my chest. Carlisle had taken new x-rays the week before and pronounced that my arm and my ribs were healed and told me I no longer needed the brace and I had been eating well for so long now, I no longer needed the central line. They were the last physical reminders of what had happened to me in the hospital and I was glad to have them gone.

Unfortunately, the psychological reminders of my time in Florida, sparse as they were in my fractured memory, were not so easily dealt with.

As I went through my shower, I found that while the hot water did clear away the general cobwebs, I still felt echoes of the nightmare lingering. I tried to keep my mind blank and concentrate on the more mechanical aspects of trying to simply get clean, but it still didn't shove the nightmare or the feelings it had generated back down. Deciding to try a different tactic, next I attempted to divert myself from the more unpleasant thoughts running through my head by thinking about the routine my life had fallen into in the last four weeks.

I found that, for the most part, I liked things in a routine; liked the structure it gave me. I got up, I showered, I dressed, I ate, I did something to occupy or entertain myself during the day, then I got changed and went to bed; always with Edward watching over me like a silent guardian.

On the other hand, I also liked the moments outside of the mundane routine. Despite my generally house bound status, Carlisle had said that the backyard was secluded enough that it would be a good idea if I went out there once in a while to get some sun and fresh air. He only requested that I always have at least one other member of the family out there with me. I wasn't sure if that was because they were worried I would run off, which never even crossed my mind, or if they thought someone might see me, or jump out of the woods at me, an idea that seemed ludicrous since no one was supposed to know I was here, but I didn't argue. After not having been let outside much in the few months, the first time I'd ventured outside had felt a little strange, but now I enjoyed the time out there when the weather was nice, even if I didn't do much more than walk or sit in the sun.

And then there were the Cullen family game nights, which really were a misnomer as the game playing wasn't restricted to night. All of the Cullens, both individually and as a family, were forever trying to talk me into a game or activity. It often reminded me of the one and only summer I had spent at camp. Board games, card games, video games, simultaneous iPad games, a few craft projects, Emmett had even conned me into coloring with him, yes, coloring as in using wax crayons to draw on blank sheets of paper. He'd called it 'art therapy.' I'd laughed at that, and found it hard, if not impossible, to refuse the big lug. And, oddly enough, although I'd never win any art prizes for my pictures, I'd actually enjoyed coloring with him.

I smiled as I remembered that time with him, then climbed out of the shower and toweled off. Reaching for the jeans I'd pulled from the closet, I realized that I didn't recognize them. Alice strikes again, I thought as I pulled them on. She'd been on a roll lately with the shopping.

She and everyone else had been pleased with the improvement in my appetite. I had been eating solid food for a while now and although I didn't eat like a lumberjack and wouldn't win any competitive eating prizes, I consistently ate whatever Esme put in front of me and had even cooked for myself a few times.

Alice had been especially delighted about me eating more because she'd had an excuse to go out and buy me new clothes as I'd gained a bit more weight and some of the clothes I had been wearing, ones that had once hung loose on me, had begun to get a little snug. I hadn't been able to go along with her on the shopping expedition, of course; after all, I was still hiding out from anyone who might be looking for me after my disappearance from the hospital, but that turn of events didn't actually make me unhappy. I remembered that shopping with Alice could be exhausting and it had never been one of my favorite activities so I told her to have fun without me.

Apparently, she'd listened well, because in addition to my new pajama collection, my wardrobe had definitely expanded in the past two weeks.

My only stipulation with Alice was that she keep the clothes she bought for me comfortable and stay away from anything fancy or that a runway model might wear. I also communicated to her that I could and would refuse to wear anything I didn't like. It helped that I had Rose, Esme, and Edward's full support behind me on that point. Rose and Esme had even gone so far as to say they would go buy me some things if Alice still went too far, but up until now she had apparently heeded my wishes and that hadn't been necessary.

Pulling on my shirt, I sighed. While the shower had felt good to my body, my mind stubbornly kept trying to stray back to the nightmare I'd had. Unlike most dreams and nightmares, this was not fading the longer I was awake. Why this particular nightmare seemed to be sticking with me more than usual, I had no idea. All I did know was that I was beginning to be annoyed at the fact that it had me feeling out of sorts and slightly jittery, like a junkie on the verge of needing a fix.

Rubbing my arms even though I wasn't especially cold, I found myself studying the bare wall above the bathroom sink where the mirror had once hung. Anthony had once asked me why I'd broken it, or more accurately smashed it, but I'd refused to tell him, refused to even discuss it, just as I had with the Cullens.

Speaking of my hallucination, despite the fact that I hadn't seen him for quite a while, I half expected Anthony to show up and ask me about it again; he didn't, of course. He did things in his own time, in his own way and apparently at the moment he was not inclined to make an appearance.

I couldn't help but shake my head at that. With the way I was feeling, if he had been there to ask me, I probably would have told him the truth; told him that I'd destroyed it because I could no longer bear to look at myself, no longer bear to see who and what I'd become. To see that I was weak and pathetic. Physically and emotionally bruised and broken with eyes that were devoid of hope. A reflection of a life with no present, no future, and a past that was too painful to think about.

I'd never taken a look at myself in the hospital. Never had to. Partially because I'd never bothered to turn on the light in the small, windowless bathroom and partially because there hadn't actually been a real mirror in said bathroom; just a polished, thin piece of metal that had been bolted to the wall above the small sink.

But standing in the Cullen's bathroom a few days after I'd arrived, with the lights on and my battered reflection shining back at me from the huge mirror, I couldn't help but see what I knew others, including the Cullens saw and I hated it, hated myself. Before I was even aware of what I was doing, I'd been pounding at the mirror with my brace until it cracked, buckled and came crashing off the wall so that I would never have to see my reflection again.

I shivered as I remembered those events and the panic that the Cullens had flown into when it had happened. I knew they were surprised that I hadn't tried to kill myself with the broken glass or something along those lines, but really, it had never occurred to me to kill myself. I was only trying to kill my reflection... before it killed me.

And if that wasn't some screwed up thinking on my part, then I didn't know what was.

"Bella?" came Edward's gentle voice as it was joined with a light knock at the bathroom door that interrupted my strange train of thought. "You've been in there a while, is everything all right?"

I shoved myself away from the wall that I didn't even remember leaning on for support, quickly straightened my shirt, and ran my hands over my hair. It was still in the messy bun I shoved it in before my shower, but I didn't bother to try and change it. It was out of my face and at that moment, that was what I cared about.

Letting out a breath, I gave myself a good mental shake and opened the door to see Edward frowning with concern.

"Your breakfast is getting cold," he said. "Are you all right?"

I nodded and worked hard to give him at least a small smile as I moved past him. I hoped the smile had appeared a lot more sincere and convincing on the outside than it had felt to me on the inside. I took it as a good sign that Edward didn't say anything more as I picked up my iPad and he silently followed me downstairs. The house seemed a bit empty as we walked through it. I didn't hear anyone and besides Edward, the only one I saw on the way to the kitchen was Carlisle, who was sitting on the wide sofa reading the newspaper which he looked up from as we reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Good morning, Bella, how are you feeling?" he asked, as he did most mornings.

Since I saw him as a second father, I usually took this regular question as something that a parent might ask a child as a sign of caring rather than a doctor's questioning of his patient. But this morning, for no reason that I could think of, I found myself wanting to snap at him that I was fine. If I'd actually been speaking these days, that is. I found myself grateful that I wasn't so I didn't say something thoughtless that I didn't mean and might regret later.

I nodded and gave him the same non-committal smile I'd used on Edward earlier, and while Carlisle didn't actually say anything in response, he watched me for a for a few moments longer than usual and I thought I saw the hint of a frown on his face that I chose to pretend wasn't there as I walked past him into the kitchen where Esme greeted me.

"Good morning, Bella," Esme said brightly as she pulled my plate out of the oven where she had been keeping it warm. "I made your usual; I hope that's all right?"

Once again, I nodded and pulled out my generic smile as I slid onto the stool at the breakfast bar. As was her routine, Esme set the plate down in front of me, then she got some juice and a protein drink out of the fridge and put them down next to the plate. Edward sat down next to me at the bar.

I stared down at the scrambled eggs, toast and fresh fruit that made up my 'usual,' but to be honest, I couldn't work up much of an appetite for it. I wasn't nauseous or anything, I just wasn't especially hungry and even more than that, I had an irrational urge to shove the whole plate right back at her which made absolutely no sense to me.

This was Esme we were talking about. Sweet, kind, thoughtful Esme who had taken time to make me a perfectly fine breakfast, one that she knew contained things that I usually liked. And yet, here I was busily trying to channel the personality of a spoiled, selfish brat.

What the hell was wrong with me this morning? Everything seemed to be setting me on edge.

"_Looks good, thank you,"_ I typed, which wasn't exactly a lie. It did look good from an objective standpoint; I just didn't want to eat it or anything else really.

Edward was giving me a look and I had a feeling he was suspicious, which did nothing to help my mood, so I picked up my fork and forced myself to start eating. I kept my eyes focused on my plate so that I didn't have to meet their gazes and possibly reveal what was going on inside my head... whatever that was, even I didn't know.

I only got about halfway through the food on my plate before I started pushing it around instead of actually eating it. I was beginning to get a tad nauseous and knew that if I ate much more I would be sick.

"Don't you like it?" Esme asked softly.

I reached for the iPad and typed in a reply. _"No, it's fine, I'm just full."_

Since Esme usually made my breakfast, I was in the habit of washing my dishes, so without any more comments, I slid off the chair, took my dishes and after dumping the extra food in the trash, I went to the sink to wash them. Although they didn't say anything, I felt their eyes on my back but I forced myself not to squirm, or worse yet yell at them to stop looking at me.

A few minutes later, footsteps echoed on the kitchen tiles behind me as I filled the sink with hot water. "So, what does everyone have planned for today?" Carlisle asked as he joined us.

"I'm going to meet up with Rose and Alice in a little while," Esme told him. "Alice found some material she'd like to use to make new curtains for her and Jasper's room and she said she found some other fabric I might like to use to reupholster the old settee that's rotting away in the attic."

"I'm sure you'll turn it into your usual masterpiece, darling," I heard Carlisle give her a kiss. "What about you, Edward? What are you up to today?"

There was a pause and once again, I could feel Edward's eyes on my back. "Uh, nothing much," he replied. "Since it will be overcast today, Jasper and Emmett asked me to go hunting with them, but I told them I rather stay around the house today so they went without me."

"Well, I'm working the night shift at the hospital tonight, but if you like, you and I could go hunting tomorrow," Carlisle suggested. "I believe Alice said it was going to be overcast again."

"That would be fine," Edward replied.

"Oh, Carlisle, did I tell you that I've been urging Edward to start playing the piano again?" Esme said with a smile in her voice. "And I think I've almost got him talked into it."

Hearing her words, I couldn't help but flinch. I didn't know if I was up for hearing him play the piano again. For the most part, music of any kind had not been welcome in the last few months and hearing my lullaby in my nightmare last night had only made it worse. And while I used to love hearing Edward play, even the idea of hearing him now made me think of places I could go to get away from the sound and I had to force my hands not to tremble.

Much to my dismay, Carlisle was just as encouraging as Esme had been. "I think that would be wonderful Edward. It's been so long since we've had music in the house."

There was another pause from Edward and I wanted to turn around and see if their encouragement was persuading him, but I was worried about not only what I would see in his eyes, but what he might see in mine so I forced myself to continue washing my plate.

"Um..." he hedged. "I'm just not up for it yet. But I'll think about it."

"Well, whenever you're ready dear," Esme said patiently.

Carlisle didn't ask me what I was doing today, nor did I expect him to, actually I was relieved he didn't. It wasn't as if I was going to be doing anything noteworthy anyway and at that point I was more comfortable being invisible.

A noticeable silence followed, only broken by the slight clink of the dishes and silverware and the running of water as I washed them. It started to become a little unnerving, especially given the fact that I was pretty sure that they were doing that silent communication thing that, because of Edward's abilities and the fact that they could all talk faster and quieter than I could actually hear, the Cullens were so good at. The idea that they were discussing something silently implied it was something they didn't want me to hear, which only added to my burgeoning anger and paranoia.

Fighting the urge to slam the dishes down, I forced myself to set them with exaggerated care on the wooden drying rack. Then, mentally steeling myself to turn around, I avoided looking at the three of them as I picked up the iPad and walked out of the kitchen. Part of me pointed out that I was being rude by leaving without giving them any kind of further acknowledgement, but I was afraid that I might say, or more accurately type, something I couldn't take back.

Then there was the fact that I had the sudden and desperate need to be alone.

I retreated back upstairs to my room, relieved that none of them followed me and I settled myself in my chair. In the weeks since I'd gotten the iPad, I'd started reading again, something I'd stopped doing when Edward had left. Consequently, Alice had helped me load the Barnes and Noble Nook app on my iPad so I now had a vast array of e-books to choose from. I was staying more toward best sellers and non-fiction and away from romances and my once-upon-a-time favorites like _Wuthering Heights_ and _Romeo and Juliet, _but I was reading none-the-less.

Switching on the device, I opened the Nook app and flipped to the political thriller I was reading at the moment.

Or more accurately, trying to read.

After reading and rereading the same two pages over the course of 20 minutes without absorbing a single word, I gave up and decided to play Angry Birds. But even that couldn't hold my interest and I found myself getting annoyed with it very quickly. I poked through a number of other apps, but didn't find anything that held my interest. Finally, I just switched it off and dropped it down on the side table in disgust.

I started to drag a hand through my hair, but my fingers didn't get very far as my hair was still in a bun. Feeling more frustrated and aggravated than ever, I ripped the clip off and yanked my hair out of the bun ignoring the pain of the random hairs I was pulling out in the process. Now that my hair was loose, I dragged my hands through it and scratched at my scalp a little more forcefully than was really necessary, but I found the slight sting to be oddly comforting.

"Bella?"

I snapped my head around to see Edward standing in my doorway and I wondered how long he'd been standing there.

"Is everything all right?" he asked with a little frown.

Dropping my hands, I wanted to tell him to stop asking me that and leave me alone, but I just nodded. He continued to look at me and I suddenly felt like a bug under a microscope. Desperate to escape his stare, I turned back to the window and chewed on my thumbnail, hoping he would go away.

"Can I come in?"

Well, so much for him going away...

TBC...

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><p>So something is clearly going on with Bella. It's very unlike her to be so angry and waspish over nothing. What do you think it could be? I know some of you will say she's just being bratty, but trust me when I say there is WAY more to it than that. There will be serious repercussions from Bella's nightmare and things will get a little rocky for the next couple of chapters. However, as I've mentioned before, I'm all about the happy ending so please hang in there with me.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Next week:<strong>_ Edward works to bring Bella out of the mood she's in while trying to find out what's really bothering her, but things don't work out like he planned and he could end up losing her... forever.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. You guys are so awesome! This story now has over 300 reviews which leaves me speechless. I have been horrible about responding to reviews but I'm going to try to be better. Just know I read and treasure each one.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Bella had a very bad nightmare and she only seemed to get more upset as the morning went on. Bella retreated upstairs to her room for some privacy only to have Edward follow her in an attempt to find out what was bothering her. This chapter is one of the longest so far and begins with Edward's POV as he goes upstairs. Thank you for reading... hopefully you will still want to once you get done with this chapter.

Oh, did I mention that it was going to be a bumpy ride? Let's just say that if we were on a plane I'd be telling the stewardess to put away the drink carts so they could sit down and put their seatbelts on too. _**Please**_ see the note at the end of the chapter before you start throwing sharp, pointy, and/or flaming things at me.

_**Warning: There is a discussion of suicide in this chapter.**_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 19<strong>_

**EDWARD**

Reaching the top of the stairs, I paused and tried to think of what I could say to Bella that would help me figure out what was bothering her. Given the fact that I couldn't read her mind and she wouldn't actually talk to me, it was no easy task.

I'd lingered in the kitchen for the last half hour talking with Carlisle and Esme who shared my concerns about Bella's odd mood. Unfortunately, even after going over the events of the morning, neither of them had any more insight into what might be behind it than I did. However, we had all agreed that we needed to keep a close eye on her.

Carlisle was also keeping an eye on me. He was convinced that I'd already waited to long hunt, but he hadn't wanted to argue with me about it in front of Bella so he agreed to let me wait until tomorrow. He had silently pointed out that I needed to take care of myself if I was going to take proper care of Bella and I really couldn't disagree with him since I knew he was right.

Deciding to wing it even though that wasn't always the most productive way to go where Bella was concerned, I walked down the hall to her room and stopped in the open doorway. As I watched, she tossed the iPad on the table beside her almost angrily. Given how carefully she usually treated the device, the action only added to my concern for her.

That concern for her increased again when I watched her all but tear the clip out of her hair and then scour her nails through her hair and over her scalp. She'd done it so vehemently, I could tell that she'd torn a number of hairs out in the process and I was a little surprised that I didn't smell any blood from possible scratches.

_Oh, love, what has you so troubled?_ I wondered silently. My heart hurt to see her so out of sorts. All she had to do was tell me what was bothering her and I would move heaven and earth to fix it.

I worked to steel my expression into one of calm neutrality before I spoke. "Bella?"

Clearly taken by surprise at my presence, her head snapped around to look at me and the expression on her face was a mixture of guilt, embarrassment and annoyance. I didn't have to read her mind to know that she wasn't exactly happy to see me standing there.

"Is everything all right?" I asked trying not to frown.

She dropped her hands and nodded curtly but didn't make any other movements or appear to want to type anything in the way of a further explanation. Our stares continued to battle for a moment, then she turned back to the window and began to chew on her thumbnail, something I knew she did when she was anxious.

The prudent thing probably would have been to turn around and leave her alone, but I felt like she needed to get out whatever was bothering her, so I persisted.

"May I come in?" I asked.

Reflected in the window, I could see that she closed her eyes and she seemed to be mentally counting to ten. Then she picked up the iPad, typed out a reply and held up the screen for me to see. Even though the words were small and I was across the room, my perfect vision allowed me to read it just fine.

"_What do you want?"_ she'd demanded.

I felt my frown deepen. It was not the most promising start to our interaction. "Well, at the moment, I would like to come in."

She rolled her eyes and typed out something else. _"So come in, already. You don't need to ask my permission all the time."_

I took some slow, careful steps toward her so that she wouldn't feel threatened or cornered, but she still looked at me warily and with no small amount of animosity, neither of which made any sense to me. What had I done to make her so angry all of a sudden? She seemed fine when she'd woken up and then come out of the bathroom. What had changed?

I stared down at her for a long moment. "Bella, did I do something to upset you?"

She started typing, her fingers pounding against the virtual keys with more force than was necessary. _"Not everything is about you, Edward." _

I knelt down beside her, trying to understand. "Then did someone or something else upset you?"

"_No, I'm fine," _she typed.

Honestly, she seemed anything but fine to me, but I nodded and decided to let it go for the moment. Then an idea occurred to me; maybe a distraction was what she needed.

"Well, would you like to do something with me?" I asked. "Maybe play cards or a game of some kind?"

She looked at me, her eyes still wary. _"No, I'm busy. Maybe later." _Was her clipped typed reply.

I glanced at her and decided to press her a little bit, since placating her didn't seem to be working, maybe fueling her anger was the way to get her to drop the 'I'm fine' and tell me what was really wrong.

"Busy with what?" I asked her calmly. "You didn't look very busy when I came in."

She glared at me, clearly not happy that I was calling her bluff, then started to type. _"Fine, whatever. What do you want to play?"_

"Anything you want," I said.

She sighed in annoyance. _"I don't care. This was your idea. You pick what we play."_

"How about cards?" I suggested. "Gin rummy?"

Without another comment, she pushed herself out of the chair and walked over to a large bookcase set into the far wall. Originally the bookcase had contained much of the medical paraphernalia that had been used to support Bella while she'd been convalescing, but now it was mostly filled with the books, craft supplies, and a number of games we'd been playing with her.

Snatching a deck of cards off one of the shelves, Bella all but stomped over to the round game table Alice had added to the room. After moving a large bin of crayons that I knew Emmett had supplied for his 'art therapy' time with her to the side of the table, Bella laid down her iPad, slammed the cards down on the table, dropped down into one of the four chairs and looked up at me with an expression that oozed resentment.

I didn't let her bad mood bait or discourage me as I calmly sat down at the table with her. She made no move to take the cards so I took them out of their cardboard sleeve and after shuffling them, I dealt us each ten cards and we started playing. Trying to give her time to calm down a little, I didn't try to engage her in any discussion. Consequently, except for the slapping of the cards against the table, the first and second games were played largely in silence.

We were also tied after those two games, which given the fact that she was usually pretty good at gin and I was playing rather poorly on purpose to try and let her win, said lot about her concentration on the game, or lack thereof. She seemed to be treating it more like a trip to the dentist than she did the playing of a game.

Even when I let her win the third game to break the tie, she didn't seem to be any happier. In fact, she just seemed to get more and more sullen as time went by. Clearly, cards weren't going to provide the distraction I'd hoped for. To make matters worse, my attempts to make small talk or bring her out of the mood she was in had fallen flat and were largely met with a glare rather than a typed response.

"Since you're clearly the superior card player," I tried to tease her as I set the cards aside. "How about if we play something else?" She shrugged so I threw out my next suggestion. "How about Scrabble?"

With her love of reading, Scrabble had always been a favorite of Bella's and it was a game that she was very good at. And it had the added benefit of being a game that didn't take any verbal communication, beyond perhaps reading off the score of the word you'd played; I figured I'd get around that by letting her keep score.

Looking resigned now rather than happy or even annoyed, Bella silently rose and walked to the bookcase where she retrieved the Scrabble box and brought it back to the table. We set up the game, I told her she could go first and then we chose our seven wooden tiles. The game then proceeded in silence but for the click of the tiles and me telling her my score. Even though I could tell her heart wasn't exactly in it and unlike our gin game, I wasn't trying to let her win, the game was close with her slightly in the lead. She also seemed a bit calmer and less angry, which I took as a positive sign.

Beyond what I'd learned from Charlie, Alice, and Carlisle, I didn't know a lot about what things had been like for Bella while I was gone. But from what I did know, to say they'd been bad was a gross understatement, and until now I'd never pushed her to talk about it, deciding she'd talk, or in her case 'type' about it when she was ready. Instead, we'd focused on her physical healing and just getting her to be a functioning member of the family again.

But now that she was physically healthy and yet so apparently unhappy, I wondered if it might be time to start gently trying to uncover what was going on in her head.

The words Carlisle had said to Jasper repeated in my head. "_Over the last six months, I believe Bella has repressed most, if not all, of her emotions. Consequently, she is going to need to start expressing them as part of her healing process."_

Even if it meant bringing up her hurt and anger at me for what I'd done, or by my decisions allowed to be done to her, I knew that we needed to start addressing her emotional wounds or they would never heal.

Keeping that in mind and hoping I wasn't making a huge mistake, I decided that now might be a good time to try and prod her about something that I'd picked up from her murmurings during her earlier nightmare and see how that went. Even though she told me she didn't want to talk about her nightmare, I was becoming more and more convinced that it had something to do with what was bothering her today. Maybe if I could figure out what the nightmare had been about, I could help her work through it and it would help open up other avenues I could use to start healing some of the damage I'd caused.

In her sleep this morning, I'd heard her calling as if she was searching for me, begging me not to go, and pleading with me to help her. It was obvious to me that her dream must have had some roots in what happened between us in the forest. Then I remembered something I'd seen in Charlie's mind when I'd returned to Forks looking for Bella. It was the image of a man, one who looked to be a member of one of the Indian tribes in and around Forks, Quileute most likely since they were closest to Forks, carrying a limp Bella dressed as I remembered her from that day, through the night and out of the woods before handing her over to Charlie. I'd always wondered about that image and hoped that now it would be an innocuous enough starting place to open the conversation.

"Bella, may I ask you something?" She glanced up at me, her look was wary again but also questioning. Then she slowly nodded.

"The day I left..." I saw her immediately tense, but I pressed on. "Why did someone have to bring you out of the forest when I'd left you just inside the tree line behind your house? You should have easily been able to walk back home."

She'd been in the process of playing a word when I'd asked her the question and in response her hand hovered over the board for a moment. It did not escape my notice that her hand trembled slightly and her expression was unreadable as her eyes did not even attempt to meet mine. Then, as if I hadn't spoken, she went on to play her word, calmly wrote her score down, pulled tiles out of the pouch to replace those she'd played and sat back with her eyes affixed to the board to calmly wait for me to take my turn.

But I wasn't willing to let it go this time. "Please, Bella. I'd like to know."

She picked up her iPad and pounded something out. _"How do you even know about that?"_

"Before I came here I went to Forks to find you and I saw it in Charlie's mind."

She stared at me for a long time, a flicker of pain and sadness and a little longing going through her eyes before her expression became unreadable.

"_How is Charlie?"_ she finally typed.

"He's fine. Still working for the Forks PD," I told her trying to decide how much I should say. "He also misses you and is worried because he doesn't know what happened to you."

Her gaze shifted down and her fingers drumming absently on the screen of the iPad. She wasn't actually typing anything, just thinking. Trying to give her some time, I waited for quite a while and when she still didn't give me a response, I prompted her.

"Bella, please, I'd like to know what happened that night."

Still she didn't answer or make a move to give me any kind of response. Then slowly, deliberately, still without meeting my gaze, she shook her head. I opened my mouth to speak, but her next action made me hesitate. Even though it wasn't her turn, she pulled a letter off the tray that held her tiles and placed it on the board to form a new word:

"_NO." _

I sighed. Clearly, getting her to open up to me was going to be difficult. "Bella, look at me," I said quietly, but firmly.

It took a few moments, but she finally did as I asked. When our eyes met, I could still see the anger and defiance that I expected, but now pain and sadness were also there. Everything inside me wanted to gather her up and soothe her until all those emotions, especially the last two, went away, but I didn't think that was what she really needed so I resisted the natural urge I had to comfort her.

"Why didn't you go home?" I asked again. "It was dangerous for you in the woods after dark, that's why I left you where I did. Your house was only steps away and yet in Charlie's mind, I saw someone carrying you out of the forest well after dark."

The anger flashed suddenly in her eyes, shoving the other emotions out as she turned and unceremoniously dumped the pouch of unused wooden tiles out on the table and began hunting through them. Finding the letters she apparently wanted, but didn't have in her tray, she began make more words.

On the "O" in "NO" she played an "N" and an "E."

"_ONE."_

At the end of the word "ONE" she added an "S" then she used an "L, T, N, E, I, D," and another "E" to make another word.

"_LISTENED."_

Below the "T" in "LISTENED" she added an "O".

"_TO."_

And finally, above the last "E" in "LISTENED" she added an "M".

"_ME."_

"_NO ONE LISTENED TO ME."_

I readily understood the sentence she'd put together even before her finger moved with quick jerks next to each word to punctuate them for me. I assumed she meant "listened" in the figurative sense as she wasn't actually talking these days, but what I didn't understand was how the message on the Scrabble board related to my earlier question about her in the forest or her nightmare last night. When she had said "no," I assumed she meant she was not going to answer my question, but clearly there was more to it than that.

However, rather than question it, I decided to follow where Bella was trying to lead me.

"What do you mean, Bella?" I told her. "I listen to you... my family listens to you."

She barked out a laugh at my response, but there was nothing humorous or amused about the sound. It was harsh and raw. Obviously, she did not agree with my statement.

"What? We do," I insisted.

What she did next surprised me more than anything else had that day. Jumping to her feet, she gave the Scrabble board a hard shove, sending it and most of the wooden tiles flying off the table and onto the floor. The momentum of the board also caught the deck of cards and her iPad and sent them to the floor as well, but Bella didn't look twice at the mess she'd made.

Hearing the abrupt end of the Scrabble game and having run upstairs to investigate, Esme and then Carlisle appeared in the bedroom doorway.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked, his voice too low and fast for Bella to hear.

"I don't know," I told him as I stood up from the table and made sure to keep my voice equally below Bella's hearing capability. "Something I said upset her, but I don't understand what."

Bella was breathing hard now, no, seething was a better description and her eyes never wavered from mine. I'd been wanting her to meet my gaze and she was giving me my wish in spades. There was so much anger and pain in her eyes that even though she probably wasn't strong enough to do it, I half expected her next move to be to grab the table and upend it like she had the Scrabble game.

"Bella, please calm down," I urged her. "Let's talk about this. You don't think we listen to you, all right, fine, tell me why you think that."

Before anyone could say anything else, Bella looked wildly around the room as if searching for something. Then her eyes fell on the container of crayons that somehow missed being pitched off the table with the Scrabble game and her iPad. Stepping forward, she snatched a handful of crayons out of the bin and marched over to the large expanse of white wall that dominated one side of her room.

And the three of us watched, stunned and speechless, as she began to write on the wall in a large, agitated scrawl.

"_Did you listen when I begged you not to leave me that day in the forest?"_

And I realized from that first sentence that I'd inadvertently stepped on a huge landmine; one that would most likely lead to a bloodletting that had been a long time in coming for Bella; one that was mostly likely going to be deeply painful for all concerned.

"_Did your family listen when I begged them not to leave me too? Oh, no, that's right, they couldn't hear me begging because they were already gone."_

I heard Esme gasp a little at that and Carlisle put his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer as she murmured. "We're so sorry, Bella, we didn't know."

If Bella heard Esme's apology, it didn't slow her down. The point of the crayon she was using was ground down to the wrapper so she dropped it and pulled out another one from the collection in her other fist.

"_Did Charlie listen when I begged him not to send me away?_

_Did Renee listen when I begged her not to send me to the hospital?_

_Did the doctors listen when I begged them to let me go home?_

_Did that THING in the hospital listen when I begged him not to hurt me?"_

She was pressing so hard at the end of that line, she snapped the crayon in half, but without missing a beat, she pulled out another crayon as she wrote the next part entirely in capitol letters.

"_NO ONE LISTENED TO ME!" _

I remembered something Charlie had said when I'd been spying on him to find out where Bella was. He said we'd all failed Bella. Him, her mother, the hospital, the police, and even me. It was never more clear to me than right now just how right he was and I was squarely at the head of line when it came to blame. In fact, everyone else's blame fell squarely on my shoulders. My decisions were what generated everyone else's actions. The only thing that made the idea bearable was that I knew at least me and my family would never do it again.

I smelled a growing saltiness in the air and as I watched, the first tear trailed down Bella's cheek. I hated seeing her cry more than anything and I took a step toward her, but apparently she wasn't finish because she moved to a new section of wall and started writing again.

"_Well, guess what, I didn't listen either. When you told me goodbye and walked away from me, I didn't listen. I followed you deeper into the woods. I ran until I couldn't run anymore, then I walked until I fell, and when I fell I stayed where I was, not caring what happened to me. That's when Sam found me and took me back to Charlie."_

And there it was; the answer to my question. A flash of pain and a new level of regret went through me. I should have known that Bella wouldn't let me go so easily, but I'd been so wrapped up in my own pain and my own despair over what I was doing that I hadn't considered her possible actions.

"_I also didn't listen when you said that it would be as if you never existed. You took away everything that you ever gave me, including you and your family, but you neglected to take the one thing that would have actually made your statement true. _

_ME._

_You didn't take ME and as along as I was alive, I knew you existed. I was changed forever when I met you and nothing you can ever do will remove the mark you left on me." _

The tears were pouring down her face now, so much so that I wondered if she could actually see what she was writing.

"_You told me I could go on with my life without interference from you, but I didn't listen then either, because for me there is no life without you."_

Bella had apparently run out of words, because she stepped back and dropped the two crayons still gripped in her fist. Breathing hard, she turned to face me. I could see that the anger was now gone from her eyes. Unfortunately, in the wake of its departure, the sadness and raw pain had returned in a flood.

Taking another step back, she flung her hand back toward the wall as if to punctuate what she'd written and insisting that I look at it; as if I hadn't already. I did as she asked and the sadness of what she'd written washed over me again. I turned to give her some kind of apology that wouldn't be completely inadequate, but the words died in my throat when I saw her.

She was staring at the wall with a look of frozen horror etched on her face.

I couldn't tell if she was more horrified over what she'd written or the fact that she'd written it on the wall in crayon.

I took a step toward her. "Bella..." I said softly.

Her eyes whipped to mine; then she seemed to realize for the first time that we weren't alone in the room and her gaze jerked over to Esme and Carlisle. I could tell from the look on Esme's face, she would be crying if she was physically able to. Even without reading her mind, I knew Esme was not upset by what Bella had done to the wall but by Bella's pain, what she had suffered and our part in it.

Bella seemed to finally take in the chaos of the room and then her eyes darted back and forth between me and Carlisle and Esme, looking every inch like a trapped animal.

"Bella," I tried again. "It's all right."

But rather than soothing her, my words only seemed to act like a starting pistol. Suddenly she darted to the bathroom and slammed the door closed behind her, leaving the three of us standing there speechless.

**BELLA**

In a full blown panic, I slammed the bathroom door and locked it. I knew it wouldn't keep them out if they wanted to come in, but right then I needed even the small illusion of isolation that closing and locking the door gave me. Moving through the bathroom, I went as far back as I could and given that it was a small bathroom that wasn't very far.

When I ran out of space, I found myself with my back pressed into the cool tiles in the far corner of the shower and I couldn't seem to catch my breath. Grey spots were dancing in my vision, there was a growing pressure in my chest, and hands and feet where tingling.

What was happening to me? I wondered as my legs gave up the fight and I slid down the wall to huddle in the corner of the shower. Rocking slightly, I pressed a hand to my mouth and concentrated on just trying to breathe in and out through my nose. After what seemed like an eternity, the grey spots started to go away and my breathing evened out.

But as whatever it was began to recede, the events of the previous few minutes began to seep back in.

God, I wrote on the wall with crayon like a misbehaving three year old or a complete lunatic.

I have no idea what came over me. It was like my body was working on autopilot. I have no memory of writing on the wall; only a vague sense of roaring in my head. Suddenly seeing my words standing out in vibrant primary colors against the white paint had felt like waking up from a nightmare.

I thought back to what I remembered prior to seeing those words on the wall. I remembered Edward asking me about why Sam had to bring me out of the forest and how angry it had made me. After reliving that day in the forest in my nightmare last night and how much it had plagued me today, hearing him ask about it was like a flash bomb going off in my head. How did Edward know to ask about that exact event? How had he figured it out when I was only vaguely aware that was what was bothering me? Could he somehow read my mind now?

When he'd asked me about it, the helplessness I felt both on the day he left me and in my nightmare had washed through me and made me so angry it was all I could do not to start screaming at him. I tried to hold the anger in and not respond, but he'd persisted and the next thing I knew I was opening up a whole new can of worms by using the Scrabble game to spell out the fact that I felt like no one listened to me. Aside from the fact that it was true, where had that thought even come from?

The last thing I remembered was him contradicting me and saying that he and his family did listen to me.

Yeah, right. What a colossal joke that was.

The next clear memory I had was staring at the wall, trying to take in what I was seeing. Confusion quickly turning to horror when I saw words there that could have only come from me, written in my hand and scribbled in... crayon of all things. Why couldn't I have found some paper and a pen or pencil or used my iPad? What was I thinking?

And then there was the look on Edward's face. It was sad, guilty and even worse, scared. I'd seen that scared look on his face before, it was the look that made me feel like the human equivalent of a live grenade with the pin removed.

Oh, God and then there was Esme and Carlisle. I hadn't even known they were there and I wondered how much they'd seen of my humiliation. They'd been so good to me and this was how I repaid them? The looks on their faces were permanently etched in my memory like acid on glass. Carlisle's eyes had been full of pity as Esme had clung to his side. Her expression had been the worst of all. It had been horrified and almost... broken. She'd done nothing but be sweet and take care of me and I'd defaced the beautiful home she'd worked so hard on. She probably hated me now.

When Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett came back, I was sure they'd have their own pitying looks for me. Well, Emmett would undoubtedly laugh at my new variation of his 'art therapy' idea, but the rest of them would probably give me the same "pin-less grenade" look that Edward had.

In fact, the only reason Edward, Esme, and Carlisle probably hadn't come in here yet was because they were looking up some new asylums that they could ship me off to just like Renee had.

And who could blame them? Clearly only an insane person would scribble on the wall with crayon. I'd messed up big time and this time I only had myself to blame.

Maybe I did belong in an asylum.

That thought was interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door and the sound of Edward's voice. Although my ears heard him speaking, my brain refused to absorb the words and it was just background noise to the pounding of my heart and my racing thoughts.

The words 'hospital' and 'asylum' kept bubbling to the surface in my head and as much as I didn't want to think about them, I couldn't help it. And it didn't take long for me to come to one inescapable conclusion. There would be no more hospitals or asylums. I knew from experience that they were not the answer for me. They wouldn't help and I would never survive being shipped off again. If Edward and the Cullens decided to send me away or leave me again, I was done.

When that moment came, there would really only be one option for me.

Despair like I hadn't felt in months washed over me in a crushing wave and rocking in the corner, I buried my face against my knees and gripped my hair until it hurt. A moment later, I dimly heard a crash from what sounded like way off in the distance.

As if my hearing and my brain decided to sync up again, I suddenly heard Edward's perfect voice coming from right in front of me. "Bella?" he said quietly.

My head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as I lifted it to find him kneeling before me in the shower. Doing what was probably a good imitation of an owl, I slowly blinked at him.

"Please don't cry, love," he said softly as he cradled my face in his cool hands and his thumbs gently brushed at my wet cheeks. I was suddenly exhausted and it didn't even occur to me to flinch or pull away when he touched me.

I hadn't even realized I'd been crying, but I could see that the knees of my jeans were wet, so I must have been.

"It will be all right," he promised looking relived that I wasn't fighting him.

I didn't really feel like anything would be all right ever again, but I made no attempt to contradict him. Instead, I just looked at him, really LOOKED at him for probably the first time since he'd come back. Ever since he'd returned, looking at him was so painful to me that I avoided it whenever possible, or at least avoided looking at him with anything more than a cursory glance; I hadn't been able to bear to see what I'd lost or what I would never have.

But I studied him now. It was a crime really for anyone to look so wonderful... so beautiful. The firm set of his jaw, the dark light of his eyes because he apparently needed to hunt, the hard twin pillows of his lips, even the dark smudges under his eyes and his bronze hair and its perfect unruliness were beautiful.

I really couldn't deny the simple truth anymore, not even to myself. Despite the fact that he'd left me and broken my heart, I still loved him; still wanted him, still needed him.

My problem came with LETTING myself love him. I wanted to believe him when he said he lied to me in the forest that day and how much he'd missed me and the fact that still he loved me and wanted me, but I was still worried that his actions stemmed from pity, his own guilt, and his consummate need to fix things. If I could only be sure of the true nature of his feelings for me and that he really wouldn't leave me again, then nothing could keep me from his side. Oh, I'd be angry that he'd lied to me and made such a unilateral decision about our future, but it wouldn't keep me from forgiving him or being with him.

He tucked some hair behind my ear and smiled softly, but a little sadly at me. "Come on, let's get you out of this shower."

I allowed him to pull me to my feet and on somewhat shaky legs, he half supported me as we climbed out of the shower. He offered me a tissue from the box on the back of the toilet and I used it to wipe at my face and blow my nose. I noticed then that wooden door frame was splintered slightly and I assumed it had happened when he'd forced the door open to get inside. That must have been the crash I'd heard.

He led me back into the bedroom and I could see that mess that I'd made was gone. The Scrabble board and its wooden tiles, the deck of cards and the crayons had been put away on their shelves and my iPad was sitting on the table. I didn't dare turn around to look at the wall. There was no way that even vampires could have cleaned up my crayon scribbles so quickly and I wasn't ready to see the evidence of my freak out again. I walked to the table and idly switched on the power button of the iPad. After seeing it on the floor with the Scrabble game earlier, I was relieved to see that the screen came on just like always and it appeared to be no worse for wear.

"_Where are Esme and Carlisle?"_ I typed.

"Carlisle had to make a phone call and I think Esme is down in the kitchen working on something for your lunch," Edward supplied as if everything were perfectly fine.

I wanted to laugh at that and knew that if I started it would most likely dissolve quickly into hysteria. I wondered crazily if even now Edward was distracting me while Carlisle was calling the men in white coats and Esme was busy drugging my food so I'd come along peacefully. Even in my own head, the idea of all that sounded ludicrous and I knew I was quickly slipping into paranoia, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

Edward moved to stand next to me as I fingered the iPad on the table. He lightly laid his hand on my arm and I looked up at him. "Come on, why don't we go take a walk?" he said gently.

Did you ever have a moment when something frightened you so badly that it made your whole body freeze and while your outside was rigid from that response, your insides seemed to float free? Well, that's how I felt in that moment. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of being trapped in my own body.

The last time Edward had asked me to take a walk with him, he'd taken me into the woods and told me he was leaving. That must be what he wanted to do now; give me the bad news and tell me he and/or his family were leaving... or that I was.

Despite my earlier paranoia, I never thought this would actually happen and definitely not this soon. I stared up at him, not blinking, barely breathing, my heart hammering in my chest.

My God. This was really happening. My nightmare was coming to life.

Edward was frowning at me now. It was a forgone conclusion that he could hear my heart pounding. "Bella?" he asked, looking concerned.

Well, of course he's concerned, he hasn't even said the words yet and I was already freaking out. I did, however, take it as a personal triumph that I wasn't crying. Oddly enough, I didn't even have the urge to cry; what I was feeling went way beyond any release that tears could offer.

I thought back to my time huddled in the shower and what I'd decided if this turn of events should come to pass. The idea of it and the fact that I'd already made a plan of sorts made me feel a little better. I even knew how I would do it, but to accomplish it I would have to get control of myself, so I took a breath and worked to slow my heart a bit so he wouldn't be suspicious.

Yes, if I was going, I was going on my own terms. Edward and the rest of the Cullens could damn well do what they wanted, but I was done being shipped around. I couldn't live without them, without _him_, anymore. If that made me weak and pathetic, well then that's what I was and honestly, I was okay with that.

All I needed now was time, just a few minutes really, but I had to stay up here and I needed to get Edward out of the room.

My control must not have been as good as I thought because Edward's frown had deepened and he was radiating concern as he watched me. "Bella? What is it?"

I didn't think I could pick up the iPad without my hand shaking, so I left it on the table as I typed my reply.

"_I'm thirsty. Can I have some juice before we go?"_

Edward looked a bit taken aback at my request and I assumed that was the last thing he'd expected me to say, but he also looked a little relieved as if my simple request was a good sign.

I wanted to laugh. Little did he know...

"Of course, what kind would you like?" he asked.

"_Cranberry," _I typed, remembering that I'd finished the last of it yesterday so it would take longer for him to look for it.

Then it occurred to me that if he couldn't find it, he might come up here to ask me what I would like in its place, so I planned for that possibility.

"_If we don't have any cranberry, apple would be nice too, but can I please I have it in a glass with some ice?" _I typed hoping that the few extra minutes it would take for him to put either of them in a glass with some ice would be enough for me to do what I needed to.

He looked a little confused at my sudden interest in juice, but apparently, he wasn't going to question it. "Whatever you'd like," he replied. "I'll be right back."

The moment he was out of the room, I was walking as slowly and quietly as I could across the room. I knew they could still hear me moving around and I thought if I hurried too fast, they might hear it and they'd come to investigate.

I just hoped Alice's radar was on the fritz today or that she wouldn't see what was going to happen until it no longer mattered. It was a good thing that Jasper wasn't here, from my emotions he'd know right away that something was off.

Like their house in Forks, this house also had an abundance of windows or more accurately, walls of windows. Large parts of the back side of the house were made entirely of glass and a large solid glass door was set into the glass wall in each of the rooms to allow everyone to come and go as they pleased and to provide copious amounts of natural light and ventilation. Since the distance to the ground wasn't any concern to the Cullens, there were no stairs extending out from the door, only a sheer drop to the ground below.

Given that Esme had said that the house was an historical landmark, I idly wondered how she got all the glass past the historical society since I didn't see that being a feature that was original to the building. Money would be my guess; given enough of a 'donation' I would imagine any historical society could be persuaded to look the other way, especially since the feature was on the backside of the house and away from anyone that would care to notice.

Moving to the glass door in my room, I turned the small handle and pulled open the door. It was surprisingly heavy as it swung silently toward me. Then I walked to the edge of the open doorway and looked down. Three stories below, the wide, stone patio on the back side of the house was spread out before me. It occurred to me that I probably should leave a note or something, especially since I suddenly felt like I had a lot to say to Edward and my unofficial family, but there simply wasn't time.

Oddly, it was not bitter words I wanted to leave them with, but fond ones; thanking them for all they'd done for me, telling them I was sorry, and expressing to them that I would always love them... always love _him_.

And just then, out of nowhere, Anthony appeared next to me. Great, I haven't seen him for weeks and NOW he decides to show up.

"_Bella, stop this nonsense,"_ he said almost angrily._ "You don't know what you're doing. You'll destroy Edward and the Cullens if you do it."_

His words did nothing to discourage me. _"They're planning on sending me away anyway."_

"_You don't know that! You're assuming things when you have no reason to,"_ he insisted. _"At least hear Edward out before you do anything rash."_

"_He said he wanted to go for a walk," _I argued, knowing my time was short. It wouldn't take Edward much longer to finish his errand. _"I know what that means."_

"_Maybe it will be different this time. Maybe it's not what you think at all. What would it hurt to just hear him out?"_

"_Because once they know what I'm planning, they'll try and stop me," _I pointed out.

"_Of course, they will!"_ he said in exasperation. _"They love you, Bella. You're part of their family. They don't want to see anything happen to you."_

"_I'm not good enough to stay with them," _I said simply as I let out a little breath and stared down at the stones below. _"It doesn't matter anyway, they'll be fine without me; actually they'll probably be better since they won't have to look after me any more."_

"_No, they won't be fine without you!"_ he all but yelled at me. _"Edward will blame himself and so will all the Cullens." _

Knowing Edward, he probably would feel guilty, but I couldn't change that and I told myself that he would get over it in time; after all, there were always those 'distractions' he'd talked about.

"_Just think, Bella,"_ he pleaded. _"Rose and Alice saved your life and the Cullens have all taken such good care of you. They even took you into their home when they didn't have to and nursed you back to health. Is this how you really want to repay them?"_

I'll admit, that struck a chord in me. There was no denying they'd done a lot for me, more than anyone else ever had and more than I deserved. And for few bright shining moments while I'd been here I allowed myself believe that it could last forever; allowed myself to hope that I could be happy again. But with my actions today and them going away or sending me away again, I knew that dream was over.

"_Maybe Alice and Rose should have just let me die in the hospital,"_ I murmured. _"Maybe it would have been easier in the long run."_

Frustration and anger were clear on his face and he looked like he wanted to shake me. _"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?"_ he roared.

I shrugged, feeling sadness weigh heavily on me._ "It doesn't matter anymore, Anthony,"_ I said calmly as I continued to stare down at the stone patio. I wondered if it would hurt and I hoped it would be over with quickly. _"I've screwed up my second chance and there's no going back." _

For the first time since he'd appeared to me at the hospital, he physically reached for me as if he could pull me back from the edge, but his hand passed right through me. _"Please, Bella..."_

Somewhere in the house I heard the insistent ringing of a telephone.

I looked at him and tried to give him a smile._ "It's okay, Anthony. You've been a great friend to me, but you don't have to worry about me anymore."_

And with that, I took a breath and dove head first out into space.

TBC...

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><p>Okay, everyone take a breath before you start screaming at me. I'm stressing hard enough about your reaction to this chapter as it is and I'm begging you to bear with me. Although it may be hard to believe, I'm all about the happy endings and that's what I have planned for Bella (and no, I don't mean in the Jack-and-Rose-at-the-end-of-<em>Titanic<em>-when-they're-reunited-in-the-great-beyond kind of way). So here's what I wanted to say about this chapter...

1) At the risk of spoiling everyone, I am NOT going to kill Bella (nor am I planning on paralyzing her or anything of that nature).

2) Second, contrary to what you might be thinking, this will NOT be a setback. You won't have to go through another 18 chapters of Bella practically being a basket case. This is actually a turning point for the better - a ripping off of the band-aid if you will. Because of this event and what happens afterward, Bella will finally have the breakthrough that she needs to finally get better. You won't have to wait long to see what I mean.

3) Some of you might be thinking that Bella is just being a major baby/drama queen. Let me assure you, she is not. Yes, she panicked and acted hastily when she incorrectly assumed what Edward meant by "talking a walk" without giving him a chance to explain, but there are some things at work in her head here that are affecting her ability to think clearly and that will all come out in the following chapters.

Now that I've said my piece, I'm going to go hide behind something sturdy and flame retardant until next week.

_**Next week:**_ What happens to Bella? And what's with the ringing telephone? Who could possibly be calling the house at such a critical time?

I'd also like to give my first official Twilight Fic Recommendation to **_Twilightmomoftwo_** and her story **_Resurrection._** You can find it here on under her author name, I would give you the full web address but we know how this site is about listing web addresses. It's an Eclipse AU that I highly recommend. it's a WIP but it's pretty far along and it's a great story . Enjoy!


	20. Chapter 20

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. I was so worried how you would take the last chapter and Bella's suicide attempt, but you guys were so encouraging (even if you hated the cliffhanger)! Thank you so much! You guys really are awesome! I read and treasure each one of your reviews/comments.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Bella had a melt down after Edward wanted to know why someone had to bring her out of the forest when she'd been just inside the tree line when he left her in Forks. Her reaction included an upended Scrabble game and Bella writing on the wall in crayon where she told him that no one listened to her. When she saw what she'd done with the crayon, Bella was horrified and she locked herself in the bathroom. After Edward broke in and coaxed her out he made the mistake of telling her to go take a walk with him. Hearing those words, Bella remembered that's what he said when he left her in Forks and thought he was planning to leave her again or send her away to another hospital. Her already fragile state deteriorated quickly after that. Unwilling to live without him or the Cullens again, she sent Edward to get her some juice so she'd have time to jump from the window/door in her third floor bedroom.

This chapter is massive. I thought about trying to split it, but I couldn't think of a good place to do it and I figured I owed you a big chapter after the cliffhanger from last week so I left it whole. I hope it will be worth the wait.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 20<strong>_

**ALICE**

"You have to get those shoes, Rose. They'll look great with that outfit you bought last month." I told her as I eyed a new pair of boots for myself. "And you know how much Emmett loves you in stilettos."

"That's true," Rose said with a smirk as she held her foot out and admired the black high-heeled shoe. "They are rather nice, aren't they?"

"Yes, they..."

The words died on my lips as unbidden images suddenly began to flash through my mind. I'd been getting snatches of Edward and Bella all morning, mostly of them playing cards or Scrabble, but I didn't know what it all meant. It almost felt as if something was brewing but I didn't know what and I had inwardly cursed the fact that my visions were so often imperfect. My visions always worked better with clear, definitive decisions. Snap decisions or instances where someone was acting instinctively didn't come through as clearly.

But there was nothing unclear about what I was seeing now.

Bella standing in an open third floor door at the back of the house looking desolate and yet somehow resolved.

Bella jumping out of the doorway into nothing, plunging headfirst toward the ground.

Bella's lifeless body lying broken on the stone patio, her neck clearly broken and blood pooling quickly around her head.

Edward rushing out to her, cradling Bella in his arms as Carlisle checked her over and sadly shook his head.

Edward screaming in agony as he shoved Carlisle away and rocked Bella, not letting anyone near her.

"No... no!" I hissed. "It can't be."

Everything had been fine when we'd left this morning. What could have caused this? I couldn't tell exactly when it was going to happen, but in my vision it had been daylight and the weather had been overcast like it was today. Something told me I didn't have much time.

"Alice?" Rose said, obviously recognizing the expression on my face. "What is it?"

"Bella," was all I said.

"What about Bella?" she demanded, picking up on my panic.

Not wanting to waste time on explanations, I all but ripped the cell phone out of my purse as I ran outside for better reception and dialed Edward's cell phone. It went right to voicemail. I ended the call and started to call Jasper but remembered he and Emmett were out hunting so I tried Carlisle's cell phone instead.

"Damn," I muttered as his phone went right to voicemail as well. I had the same result with Esme's cell phone. "Where the hell is everyone!" I growled. I prayed that I wasn't already too late and they weren't answering because what I'd seen had already come to pass.

"What's happening!" Rose continued to demand but I waved her away.

As a last ditch effort, I called the house's regular landline phone. It rang twice and finally Edward answered.

"Alice? Why are you calling the..." was all that he got out before I was yelling into the phone.

"YOU HAVE TO GET TO BELLA!" I told him.

There was a little pause from Edward. "What are you talking ab..."

I didn't let him finish. "SHE'S GOING TO KILL HERSELF BY JUMPING FROM THE THIRD FLOOR. YOU HAVE TO GET TO HER NOW!"

"Oh, my God," Rose murmured from beside me.

Apparently, Edward believed me because I heard him drop the phone and there was a tremendous crash; from what I didn't know. Then I heard first Edward and then Esme yelling for Bella.

I turned to Rose. "Call Emmett and tell him and Jasper to get back to the house, NOW," I told her not wanting to hang up my phone.

"EDWARD?" I yelled into the phone wanting to know what was happening and if I'd been in time, but no one answered me. The yelling was reduced to murmurs and then even the murmurs stopped leaving behind only an eerie silence.

"Edward?" I said faintly hoping him or someone would answer and tell me what happened; tell me if I'd been in time.

I was only greeted with more silence.

**EDWARD**

I pulled a glass out of the cabinet for Bella's juice. "So what's Carlisle talking to Eleazar about?" I asked referring to the fact that in addition to his worry about Bella, I'd read in Carlisle's thoughts who he was going to contact even before I'd actually heard him in his study placing the call, but I hadn't picked up on why he was calling his old friend.

Esme buttered a piece of bread for Bella's lunch and I heard the words in her mind as she spoke them aloud. "You know that he and Carmen have been after us to come for a visit, but we put it off when Bella came to stay with us because she needed so much care. But now that she's better, Carlisle and I were thinking maybe the family could go to Alaska for a visit next month."

"I'm not sure Bella will be up for that," I commented as I searched the contents of the fridge for the cranberry juice. "Interacting with a whole new coven of vampires, might be a bit overwhelming for her."

Esme gave a little sigh. "Yes, I suppose it would be. Plus it's probably still too dangerous to take her out in public." She was quiet for a moment. "Edward, do you think what happened today is a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I wish I knew," I told her honestly. Not finding the juice in the fridge, I started going through the pantry. "I thought she and I could take a walk out in the yard and talk a bit. Maybe I'll know more after that."

"Some fresh air would probably do her good," Esme agreed.

"I'm sorry about her writing on the wall," I began, but she waved me off.

"It's not a big deal, Edward. Obviously, she needed to get that out of her system and if it helps her, it will be a small price to pay. I can easily cover it with some primer and a fresh coat of paint." She smiled as she laid the buttered piece of bread in a hot frying pan as she started to make a grilled cheese sandwich to go with some tomato soup she also had heating on the stove. "Maybe I'll even ask her if she'd like to paint her room a new color. I know that as a rule we like white, but she might like something different. In fact, we could totally redo her room if she'd like. Maybe we could make it look a bit less like a hospital room. If nothing else, she'd probably appreciate a new bed to replace the hospital bed she's been using."

"I'm sure she would like that," I agreed as I stared in to the depths of the pantry as if I could will the cranberry juice to magically appear. "Thank you for being so gracious about it. To be honest, what she wrote gave me a lot to think about so I'm glad that she got it out, even if it was on the wall."

"That was my thinking exactly," Esme said, adding the cheese and another layer of buttered bread to the pan. "Edward, what on earth are you looking for?"

"Cranberry juice. Bella said she'd like some but I don't see any."

"Oh, I don't think we have any left, Bella finished the last of what we had in the fridge yesterday morning and I haven't had a chance to get any more."

"Well, she said apple would be all right if we were out of cranberry," I replied.

"There's some apple in the fridge," she said.

I quickly located the container of apple juice in the fridge and set it on the counter while I added some ice to the glass I'd already gotten out.

"Bella doesn't like ice in her juice," Esme commented as she flipped over the sandwich. "She told me that it waters the juice down and makes it too cold."

"She did?" I said a bit confused. "But she requested that I get her juice in a glass with some ice in it."

"Hmm, that's odd," Esme said. "I am sure that she said she didn't like ice in her juice." She gave a little shrug. "Well, I guess she's entitled to change her mind."

Just then the house telephone began to ring.

"I wonder who that could be?" Esme said. "Hardly anyone calls on the house phone anymore."

"I'll get it," I told her as she watched the sandwich to make sure it didn't burn. Walking to the cordless phone mounted on the wall of the kitchen, I saw who it was from the caller ID display. "It's Alice," I reported.

"I wonder what she wants?" Esme commented glancing at her watch. "It's not time for me to meet them yet."

I shrugged as I pushed the talk button. "Alice? Why are you calling the..." Was as far as I got before Alice was screaming in my ear.

"YOU HAVE TO GET TO BELLA!"

I was so stunned and confused by what she said it took me a second to respond. "What are you talking ab..."

She cut me off again. "SHE'S GOING TO KILL HERSELF BY JUMPING FROM THE THIRD FLOOR. YOU HAVE TO GET TO HER NOW!"

I didn't hesitate. Rather than taking the time to run around to a door or up the stairs to Bella's room, I vaulted over the kitchen sink, burst through the window above it, and out onto the patio. My bare feet hit the stone and I turned around just in time to see Bella jump headfirst out of her third floor bedroom doorway.

Acting on instinct, not unlike when I fielded the high line drives that were hit to me when we played baseball, I threw myself into the air and easily caught her in my arms. To my surprise, as we dropped back to the ground, she gave a little audible cry of 'no' and she tried to struggle against my hold. Luckily, my grip on her was secure and she wasn't going anywhere.

Despite the fact that she was still struggling against me, I gripped her even more tightly when my feet touched the ground again as I tried desperately to prove to myself that she was okay and unhurt. Her heart was beating like a hummingbird's wings and her breaths were coming in pants. I'm sure if I needed to breathe, I would have been breathing just as fast as she was. Instead, I found myself shaking slightly from the terrifying reality of what had just happened... or almost happened.

"Bella!" I growled as I pulled back to look at her. My tone was harsher than I'd meant it to be, stemming from my fear rather than actual anger. "What were you thinking?"

I couldn't believe Bella had just tried to kill herself. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I don't know if I would have believed it. What could have possibly driven her to do such a thing? I'd had no idea this was coming. And yet, some things suddenly clicked together. Bella suddenly sending me for juice she probably knew we didn't have and asking for ice cubes when she didn't like ice in her drinks; it made sense now. She had been trying to get rid of me for as long as possible and I had completely missed the clues.

Thank God for Alice. If she hadn't seen it and called me... well, I refused to think of the alternative.

"Answer me!" I demanded.

Of course she didn't answer me; but she stopped struggling and stared up at me with eyes that were so much older than her 18 years. Sadness and defeat warred with each other as tears swam in the beautiful brown depths of her eyes and it made the anger drain right out of me. I pulled her close again.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered pressing my lips to her temple as she sagged limply against me. I didn't know if she'd fainted or not because her face was down and pressed against my shoulder.

"BELLA?" Esme called as she ran out of the house to stand beside us. "Is she all right?"

"I think so," I began, but didn't get any farther than that before Carlisle came rushing out of the house.

"What happened?" he demanded as he tried to assess the situation.

I couldn't form the words so luckily Esme jumped in to answer him. "She apparently jumped from the third floor, but Edward caught her," she told him in a low and quiet voice so that Bella couldn't hear.

Carlisle looked at me in shock and then glanced up at the open glass door above us. _ "Do you think she was trying to kill herself?" _he mentally asked me.

I nodded and then kept my voice low and fast when I answered so Bella wouldn't hear. "Yes. Alice saw it and called me," I told him. "If she hadn't..." My voice trailed off.

"Bella, honey," Carlisle said quietly. "Are you hurt?" There was still no response from her and given her position we really couldn't even tell if she was awake or had fainted. As usual, Carlisle took charge of the situation. "Esme, please go get my bag from the study." Esme nodded and went into the house. "Edward, put her down on one of the lounge chairs so I can take a look at her and make sure she wasn't hurt in the fall."

I followed his suggestion and laid Bella carefully in one of the chairs. When she immediately curled herself into a tight ball, it was obvious that she was very much awake.

"Bella?" he began shaking her gently. "Can you tell me if you are hurt anywhere?"

He got no response from her, and no matter how much begging or gentle cajoling we tried, we couldn't get her to relax from the fetal position she'd twisted herself into. That position made it next to impossible to really examine anything but maybe her spine and the back of her head. We could have physically forced her legs out straight or pulled her arms out away from her torso, but we knew if we did that we risked physically hurting her and it would likely only mentally traumatize her further.

"_I think I'd better sedate her,"_ Carlisle mentally said to me as Esme returned with his black medical bag. _"It will make it easier to examine her and it will help to calm her down."_ I nodded back at him in agreement.

Carlisle pulled a small vial and a syringe from his bag and he filled the syringe with the sedative. Given what Bella was wearing and the way she was curled up, there was a gap between the back of her pants and her shirt revealing the top edge of her behind. He lightly pinched an area of skin there and slid the needle in.

"This should make you feel better, Bella," he said as he started to slowly depress the plunger on the syringe.

We were all surprised when Bella suddenly jerked, and when I say 'jerked' I mean all but leapt out of the chair. She would have made it too if Carlisle and I hadn't had our hands on her. Luckily, Carlisle had also kept a firm grip on the syringe so it was still in place. Even though I had a solid grip on her, Bella continued to thrash and struggle.

"Calm down, Bella, it's okay," Carlisle said as he continued to depress the plunger until the syringe was empty.

The drug quickly took affect and Bella's struggles slowed and were replaced by a whimpering that broke my silent heart. Then, even the small sounds she was making faded and her body relaxed under our hands and then went limp. Carlisle and I gently straightened out her limbs until she was stretched out on the lounger.

He carefully ran his hands over her extremities, her torso, and her head. "I don't feel any lumps or evidence of bruising, swelling or blood pooling. Her heart rate and her breathing are slowing to a normal rhythm now that she's sedated. And beyond the residual adrenaline, I don't smell anything else out of the ordinary."

"Thank God, for that," Esme said as she knelt by Bella's head and gently stroked the hair back from her face.

Carlisle stood and walked around the lounger to where I was standing and laid his hand on my shoulder. "Physically I believe she's fine, son, but we need to talk about what just happened."

"I don't even know where to start," I said as I looked down at Bella. Part of me was still shaken by what had just happened and I didn't quite know how to process it.

As always, Carlisle was calm and methodical with his approach. "Why don't you tell me what happened after Esme and I left the bedroom?"

I hadn't done much more than open my mouth to speak when Jasper and Emmett emerged from the forest and ran over to us. "What's happened?" Jasper asked staring down at Bella.

"Yeah, Rose called and told us to haul ass back here but wouldn't say why," Emmett added.

I still could not say the words, so Carlisle told them what happened. "It appears that Bella jumped from the third floor."

In Jasper's mind I saw shock as he glanced up at the open door on the third floor. He looked at me in disbelief. _"Was she trying to kill herself?"_ I nodded but didn't comment.

Not having Jasper's insight, Emmett didn't believe a word of it and just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right, Carlisle. Now tell us what really happened."

Carlisle had the 'I'm dead serious' look on his face. "What really happened is that apparently Bella just tried to kill herself by jumping from her bedroom. Luckily, Alice saw it was going to happen and was able to warn Edward in time; he caught her before she could injure herself."

Emmett still looked like he couldn't believe it. "But why would she try to kill herself? She's been getting better. No, you must be wrong, she must have tripped or something and fallen out the open door. You know how clumsy she is."

I finally spoke. "She didn't fall, Emmett," I said quietly. "She jumped; head first actually. I saw her and so did Alice."

"_But why the hell would she do that?"_ was Emmett's mental reply.

His gaze went from me to Bella and back again and he opened his mouth a couple times to say something and then closed it again. I could see the anger building in his eyes and hear it in his mind. "If she did then it must have been your fault," he finally spat out. "What did you say to set her off?"

I knew that Emmett thought of Bella like a little sister, so his reaction was not necessarily unexpected. After I'd made him, despite his protests, and the rest of the family leave her in Forks so many months ago resulting in all the terrible things that had happened to her, I knew that he was determined to do everything in his power to protect her; even if he had to protect her from me.

To be honest, I didn't know how to answer him. I couldn't exactly deny his accusation. Even though she'd clearly been upset already, what I'd said while we'd been playing Scrabble had seemed to set her off even more. I just didn't see how we got from the Point A of what I'd said to the Point B of Bella throwing herself out of a third story doorway. None of it made any sense.

When I didn't answer, Emmett actually growled at me. "What did you do?" he demanded again.

I dragged a hand through my hair. "I don't know!" I yelled back.

He took a step toward me. "Well, you better figure it out and then fix it or I'm going to use your head as a bowling ball and..."

"ENOUGH!" Carlisle yelled, stepping between us. He hardly ever raised his voice so when he did we all listened. I could also feel Jasper sending waves of calm out to us. "Arguing and fighting amongst ourselves isn't going to help anything, we have to focus on Bella."

Emmett glared at me, but he then turned to take a few steps away as his mind threw out a parting shot. _"You better damn well fix her. I was just getting my little sister back, and I'm not going to lose her again."_

Carlisle laid a hand on my arm. "Edward, since Jasper and Emmett are here and don't know what happened, why don't we start from the time Bella woke up this morning and you can walk us through the chain of events."

I looked over at Bella. Even unconscious she was so precious and beautiful to me that it made me ache inside. Like a waking nightmare, I kept seeing her jump and start to fall; my brain was still unable to grasp the enormity of it. To know I'd come that close to losing her was...

"_Edward," _Carlisle mentally prodded, pulling me out of my train of thought.

I jerked my head back to him. "Sorry, Carlisle."

He glanced back at Bella for a moment as well, then turned back to address me. "She should be unconscious for an hour or two." I knew he was trying to reassure me, but until she woke up and I knew for certain that she was all right and wouldn't try something like that again, nothing was going to reassure me.

Thankful for the sentiment, I nodded anyway, then I glanced at Jasper and a still glaring Emmett. Rather than facing their stares, I started to pace while I slowly and methodically recounted everything that Carlisle already knew. Her nightmare, the long time she'd spent in the bathroom, her odd behavior at breakfast, and the fact that she seemed to get more and more agitated as the morning went on. Then I told them how I'd coaxed her into playing cards and then Scrabble with me even though she didn't really want to, how I'd decided to prod her about her nightmare and the fact that I knew from Charlie that someone had brought her out of the forest, which made no sense given that I'd left her so close to the house.

I half expected questions, but no one interrupted me or said anything and although their minds were curious, they were quiet, so I kept on talking and pacing.

"And that's when things really went down hill," I said.

Then I recounted the aborted Scrabble game, her spelling out that she thought no one listened to her, her response to me saying that we did listen to her, her subsequent upending of the board, how she'd grabbed a handful of crayons and started writing on the wall, her horror at seeing what she'd done and finally her locking herself in the bathroom.

When I came to the part that Carlisle didn't know, I turned my attention to him. "She was in the bathroom for so long that I got worried and she wasn't answering my knocks, so I broke in and found her huddled in the shower crying. After I coaxed her out of the bathroom, she didn't seem angry anymore, just... really sad and defeated. She asked where you and Esme were so I told her."

Carlisle nodded and mentally encouraged me. _"Go on."_

"There's not much else. I thought some fresh air would do her some good so I suggested we go for a walk." I frowned a little as I remembered. "She did give me an odd look when I said it though."

"_What kind of look?" _Jasper mentally asked.

"It's hard to describe," I told him. "It wasn't scared exactly, more like panicked, but it was only for a second and then it was gone. That's when she asked for some juice and I went down to get it. The next thing I knew, Alice was screaming at me over the phone to get to Bella because she's going to kill herself."

"And that's it?" Emmett asked, but the glare he'd given me earlier was now gone.

I shrugged. "That's it."

"And you're sure you're not leaving something out?" Emmett pressed.

"No, that's it."

"But that makes no sense," Jasper put in. "Nothing you just said seems to warrant the reaction she had."

We all looked back over at Bella. "I know," I said. "I don't understand it either."

Then, suddenly, as if two synapses in my brain finally made a connection that hadn't been there earlier, a possible clue surfaced and it made me cringe, because if I was right, it would indeed make what Bella had done partially my fault.

"Oh, God," I muttered staring hard at Bella. Could she have really have thought that's what I meant? If so, how could she think that after everything I've said and done to prove to her that I wasn't going anywhere?

Carlisle turned back to me. "What?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "I told her to come and take a walk with me."

They all looked at me, obviously waiting for me to get to the point and not realizing that I'd done just that.

"AND...?" Emmett prompted.

"And..." I sighed. "...that's pretty much what I said to her back in Forks before we walked into the forest when I left her."

"So you think that she assumed you meant to do the same thing now?" Carlisle asked gravely.

"I don't know for sure, but I can't think of anything else that would have upset her so much," I said, my shoulders sagging in defeat. I suddenly felt very tired and for a vampire that never got tired, it was quite an unpleasant experience. "If she thought I was planning to leave her again..."

Esme finished my thought. "She'd be devastated." We all turned to see her standing beside Bella's still prone form. "She was just beginning to trust us again. If she thought Edward or the rest of us were going to leave her for a second time, it would have destroyed her."

I nodded and dragged a hand through my hair. "I had no idea she'd come to that conclusion. I only meant for us to walk out in the backyard so she could get some fresh air, and I could try and talk about what she'd written on the wall."

Carlisle laid his hand on my shoulder. "We know you didn't mean anything by suggesting a walk, Edward. And we shouldn't assume anything at this point. We don't know for sure that's what brought her to the point of doing something so desperate. When Bella wakes up, we'll talk to her and get to the bottom of things and you can explain yourself to her then."

Just to add to the already crowded field of people who were witnessing my colossal mistake and who wanted to put their two cents in about what happened with Bella, Alice and Rose picked that moment to come home.

"Is she okay?" Alice asked anxiously as she and Rose rushed over to Bella.

"_You must have driven her to this. What the hell did you do to her now?" _Rose mentally snarled at me.

"Physically she's uninjured," Carlisle said. "But she was pretty upset so I sedated her."

Alice was clearly relieved. "Thank, God," she murmured. "I was so worried that I wouldn't be in time, especially when no one picked up the phone again, so we rushed home."

Then she promptly walked over to me and cuffed me in the side of the head. Rose looked like she wanted to do the same thing, but she remained at Bella's side and just glared at me.

"Ow!" I exclaimed rubbing the spot. "What was that for?"

"Why didn't anyone answer their damn cell phones when I called!" she yelled.

I blinked at her in surprise. "My phone is upstairs in the charger and I think it's turned off because I let the battery get too low."

"Mine's in my purse but I didn't hear it because I left if it on the silent mode from when I went to visit Carlisle at the hospital the last time," Esme said.

"I was using mine to call Eleazar," Carlisle added.

Then I heard in her mind why she'd asked the question. "So that's why you called the house phone."

"I didn't have much of a choice since I couldn't get anyone else on their cell phone," she said still in a bit of a huff.

I didn't have to read her mind to know her anger stemmed from the same thing that had fueled mine when I'd harshly asked Bella what she'd been thinking; frustration and fear over what almost happened. Despite the fact that she'd hit me, I didn't hesitate to walk over to my sister and pull her into a hug. I owed her everything.

"Thank you, Alice. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't warned me."

"_I do,"_ she mentally replied.

I pulled back and looked at her, nodding in understanding. She was keeping her actual visions to herself and I almost asked her to show me what she'd seen, but I didn't think I could handle it. The 'what ifs' going through my brain after what I'd witnessed were bad enough. I was pretty sure that seeing Alice's view in full living color, the view where I hadn't caught Bella was something I didn't ever want in my head.

Alice's expression softened. "But you're welcome." She let out a sigh and took a step back. "Now will someone tell me what the hell happened to make Bella try to kill herself?"

"I can't go through it again, Carlisle," I said wearily. "Could you explain it to them?"

He nodded and I walked over to the lounge chair and knelt down opposite Rose to take Bella's hand. Although I could hear the animosity toward me in Rose's mind, I kept my focus on Bella as Carlisle recounted the day's events. Oddly, as it had with Emmett, I felt her condemnation of me fade as the story unfolded.

"Esme thinks, and I believe you'll all agree, that if Bella thought Edward was going to take her for a walk in the forest again to leave her, she'd be devastated."

"That's putting it mildly," Alice said.

Everyone was quiet for a moment, each one considering what might have been and where to go next. Jasper was the first one to voice his thoughts aloud. "So what do we do now?"

"Until we can be sure that she won't try anything again, Bella should never be alone, except maybe when she uses the bathroom," Carlisle said. "My suggestion would be that we take turns staying with her. Even when she sleeps."

"Shouldn't we also remove anything that she could use to hurt herself?" Esme asked.

Carlisle nodded. "Especially in the bathroom since that's the only real place she'll need some privacy."

"Rose and I will take care of removing anything dangerous from her bathroom and the bedroom," Alice said.

"There's also some leftover medication and supplies in the bedroom from when I was treating Bella that I'd better collect and lock up," Carlisle told us. "I wouldn't want her trying to take an overdose of anything."

"Is there anything else we can do?" Jasper asked.

"At the very least, Edward and I are going to be talking to Bella about what happened, but beyond that I think it's important that we treat her as normally as possible," Carlisle suggested. "She's not confined to her room or anything of that sort, but don't stare at her or treat her like she's going to explode any minute if you see her. If the subject comes up and she appears to want to talk or in her case type about what has upset her, or anything else for that matter, then be open to that. But otherwise, try to avoid doing anything that will make her feel self-conscious or like she's in a fish bowl."

Everyone nodded in response, but didn't say anything else until I broke the silence. "It's getting a little chilly out here, Carlisle, I'm going to take Bella back to her room now."

Carlisle nodded. "I think that would be a good idea."

Scooping Bella up in my arms, I carried her inside and upstairs to her room. She still didn't move as I settled her in bed, covered her with a light blanket and sat down on the edge of the bed. Carlisle set about collecting the medications and other medical supplies he'd left in her room to either dispose of properly or store away in an appropriately secure location for use later.

Rose and Alice had followed along behind us, presumably to collect anything that Bella might use to harm herself, but it was the first time they'd had a chance to see what Bella had written on the wall and they both stopped to stare at it.

"Bella was right, you know," Alice said not looking away from the wall. "None of us, including Charlie and Renee, listened to her. We were all so busy doing what we thought was best for her, instead of doing what she wanted that we didn't see how much we were hurting her."

"And she was the one to pay the price," Rose murmured, but there was no heat in her words, only an observation.

I was surprised to not to hear any thoughts of accusation in their minds directed at me. Of course, I carried enough blame on my shoulders for all of us.

"It's my fault," I said. "You only did what I asked of you. If I hadn't been so pig headed..."

"Maybe..." Alice cut me off, her voice thoughtful. "But we could have fought you harder on it, fought harder to change your mind. If all else had failed, we could have just refused." She sighed. "I guess it was easier to just go along with it because we're so used to saying goodbye to our human friends and moving on when they get too close or are suspicious of us."

Carlisle, who'd been quietly working at a small cabinet, turned to Alice. "It's an unfortunate and difficult aspect of the reality of what we are, Alice. Our decision to only feed on animals lets us interact with humans, but even then the time is limited and measured due to our nature. We don't have a lot of choice. It's for our protection as well as that of the humans we associate with."

She looked over her shoulder at him. "I know what you're saying is true, Carlisle, but what I think we forgot to take into account this time is that Bella is no ordinary human." She turned back to the wall. "I think in some ways she's as much a mate, or maybe match is a better word, to us as a family as she is to Edward. She completes all of us. We're a stronger unit with her." She lightly rocked forward on the balls of her feet. "If she were to be changed, become one of us and not a human, something tells me it would be even more pronounced, like the balancing of an equation."

Carlisle opened his mouth to say something, but I spoke first. "I would change her if she still wanted it," I admitted quietly. "After everything that's happened, I don't have the right to deny her anymore if that's what she wants. And I know it's selfish, but I want her with me for as long as she'll have me. If this whole mess has shown me one thing it's that we can't survive without each other." I rubbed Bella's hand and sighed. "But...she has to want it, Alice, I won't force her into it and at this point, I'm worried that everything she's gone through has killed any desire she might have once had to be with me."

Rose, who had been silently mulling over the Bella's words, suddenly turned to me and spoke. "Are you really that dense?"

"Rosalie..." Carlisle tried.

"No, Carlisle, he needs to hear this," she said cutting Carlisle off as she flung her hand back toward the wall, much as Bella had done earlier. "These are not the words of someone who doesn't care. Does she feel hurt and betrayed? Absolutely. But what I read here are the words of someone who, despite everything, even her better judgment, is still desperately in love with you."

She started to read Bella's words aloud._ "... I was changed forever when I met you and nothing you can ever do will remove the mark you left on me." _

Rose looked at me over her shoulder. "I love her defiance here. What I think she's saying here is that no matter what you do, you'll always be a part of her."

She started reading again. _"...because for me there is no life without you."_

Turning back around to face me, she was smirking. "Not exactly the words of a woman who feels nothing but apathy for you, are they? And notice how she says 'there IS no life without you', not 'was'. She's speaking in the present tense, not the past." She walked to the bed and looked down at Bella as she spoke. "Don't you get it? She wants to love you and the rest of us, but she's scared of being hurt again. She knows that we could leave her in an instant and she would have no way to find or follow us. I imagine that leaves her feeling fairly powerless."

Rose sighed. "Everyone she's ever known has abandoned her or shipped her off to be someone else's problem. Her mother, at least indirectly because of her new husband, caused her to be shipped off to live in Forks with Charlie, then you left her and we left her, then Charlie ships her back to Renee, and finally Renee makes the brilliant move of shipping her off to a mental hospital. Honestly, in my opinion, it's a wonder she hasn't tried to kill herself BEFORE now. She can be very stubborn and in her own way she's a survivor, but she's got a tender heart that has taken quite a beating and the only way she can deal with that it to try and hide behind a wall of silence or indifference."

I was actually a little stunned at Rose's thoughtful analysis. It was really very perceptive. I was so used to her being sarcastic, angry and flippant about things that the compassion and understanding she was showing Bella now were quite striking. I also suspected that her analysis of Bella came, at least in part, from Rosalie's own self-analysis. She usually chose to hide behind angry sarcasm and flippancy, rather than the silence or indifference that Bella had employed.

"So what do we do about it?" I asked quietly.

"We keep telling her and showing her that human or not, she's part of us and we aren't going to leave her like everyone else has... at least not again."

"But that's all we've been doing all this time and she still doesn't believe it," I argued. "What if she never believes it?"

"Actually I think she was beginning to believe it or else she wouldn't have been getting better." She smirked a little. "In any case, I think we can outlast her. Never is a very long time to an immortal being."

Well, she had a point there. Behind her, Alice suddenly gasped and clasped her hands together in delight as she moved over to stand by the bed with us. "Rose, you just gave me the most brilliant idea," she said with a grin.

I looked at Rose, but she just shrugged. _"Don't look at me. I don't know what the hell she's talking about,"_ her mind told me.

Alice was reciting the national anthem in her head backwards so I couldn't read her thoughts. "What's your idea?" I asked her aloud.

She just grinned knowingly. "I'll tell you later. Come on Rose, we've got to get finished here and then I've got someone to see and things to do!" She grabbed Rose's hand and before Rose could say anything else, she pulled her into the bathroom. The two of them made a whirlwind tour through the bathroom and the bedroom collecting anything sharp or dangerous that Bella might get her hands on.

Then they were gone, leaving only Carlisle in the room with us. He had finished collecting the medical supplies in a box and was currently standing in front of the wall studying Bella's words just as Alice and Rose had.

"_Hmmm, interesting,"_ his mind said.

"What's interesting?" I asked him when his mind did not elaborate further.

"_Just thinking,"_ he thought back to me._ "I'm not ready to comment or draw any conclusions just yet. I'll need to do some research when I go into the hospital tonight to confirm my theory. But I promise to discuss it with you further when I have my facts straight."_

His mind seemed to be made up on that point and so I just nodded.

"_In the meantime..."_ he thought, pointedly changing the subject. _"I think it would be a good idea if you went hunting with Jasper and Emmett when they go back out."_

"But I thought they were already done hunting?"

"_No, they came back early when they got Rose's call."_

I looked back down at Bella. "No, I want to be here when she wakes up."

His expression softened. _"I know you do, Edward and that's completely understandable. However, she'll be out for a while yet and you're clearly still upset about what's happened..."_

Anger flashed through me and I all but leapt up from the bed to stand before him. "And why wouldn't I be!" I practically snarled in his face. "The love of my existence just tried to kill herself and it's most likely all my fault!"

Obviously drawn in by my shouting, suddenly, the rest of the family stood in the doorway all looking concerned. To Carlisle's credit, he didn't so much as flinch at my angry words. He calmly put up his hand to stop them from doing anything to intervene as he continued to look at me, the compassion all but rolling off of him as he continued his thought, this time out loud presumably so everyone could hear.

"I'm well aware of what happened with Bella today and that's why I think you need to hunt before you talk to her. Even before this happened you had already waited too long to hunt and I'm sure that the stress of today hasn't helped your thirst... or you attitude."

I stepped back as if he'd slapped me. "I would never harm Bella, no matter how thirsty I am." And I was surprisingly hurt that he would imply anything else.

"Not physically, no. But you can't deny that you're overwrought and your temper is on edge. Is that really the frame of mind you want to be in when you begin what will undoubtedly be a very important, if not the most important, discussion you've ever had with Bella? One of you needs to have a calm, clear head and I doubt that it's going to be Bella. Hunting will help relieve some of the aggression and anger you're feeling and give you better mental clarity when you do talk to her."

As much as I was loathed to admit it, he was right... as usual. My emotions were all over the map. I was sad, angry, scared, and guilty. And those were just the negative emotions. That didn't even cover the fact that my love for Bella swamped me like a tidal wave and made me want to hold her and kiss her until she got over this crazy idea that she should kill herself.

I looked at the faces of my assembled family who were all still and quiet as statues, which was in direct opposition to their minds, which were very vocal.

"_Listen to him, man. He's makin' sense."_ That came from Emmett.

"_You really do need to calm down, Edward," _That was Jasper. _"You just yelled at Carlisle over nothing; that should tell you where your emotions are right now."_

"_Stop being a jackass and go hunt already."_ Rosalie, of course. She raised one perfect eyebrow. _"Or do I need to have Emmett and Jasper make you again? Remember, you don't have Bella to jump in and protect you this time."_

That made me growl at her, which didn't seem to faze her. Emmett on the other hand took an instinctive step forward in defense of his mate, but Rose lifted her hand to stop him. "Let him be," she told Emmett and he stopped where he was but still glared at me.

Alice's thoughts were the next ones to come at me. _"Edward, I don't see things going well with Bella if you talk to her without calming down first."_

"_Please do as he suggests, Edward. I think you'll only frighten Bella if you don't."_ Was Esme's comment. _"More than anything, Bella will need your love and your strength now." _

Carlisle's eyes were still focused on me. "Please son, I really think it's for the best."

Turning away from them, I walked back to the bed and looked down at Bella. The idea of leaving her, even temporarily, before she'd woken up and we'd had a chance to talk went against every instinct I had. On the other hand, I couldn't deny that my family had all made valid points. To be honest, I was feeling a little out of control and that frame of mind wouldn't be a productive one to have when I tried to work out what was going on in Bella's head.

Not bothering to turn back to them, I pinched the bridge of my nose, hard. "I don't want her to wake up alone."

"Esme will stay with her in case she wakes up before you get back," Carlisle said.

"Of course I will," she answered immediately. "I'll stay right by her side until you return."

"And I don't care if you set Emmett, Jasper, or the entire Volturi guard on me, I'm only going for an hour," I said, directing the comment at Rose.

"Fine, with me," Rose replied, knowing full well who the comment was meant for.

Leaning down, I lightly brushed a finger over Bella's cheek, then kissed her forehead softly. "I swear to you, love, that we _will_ work this out and someday soon you will believe that nothing will ever make me leave you again."

Without another word to anyone, I turned, shoved past my family, and ran out of the house and into the forest.

TBC...

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><p>Well, I hope you liked it. Don't worry, Edward may have left for the moment but there will be a LOT of talking between him and Bella in the upcoming chapters.<p>

_**Next week:**_ Bella wakes up and has to face Edward and the Cullens over what she tried to do. See you then!


	21. Chapter 21

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. Your feedback and encouragement has been awesome! Thank you so much!

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Alice called Edward in time for him to save Bella. Carlisle then had to sedate her because she was so upset. Edward and the rest of the family discussed what happened and Edward suspects that part of what made Bella try to kill herself was that she misunderstood him when he suggested they go for a walk. Edward took an unconscious Bella into the house and was determined to stay with her until she woke up, but Carlisle and the others thought it would help his emotional state if he hunted before she woke up so he headed off into the forest for an hour of hunting.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 21<strong>_

**BELLA**

I felt my eyes move behind their lids as I slowly rose up through the layers of mental gauze that my brain seemed to be wrapped in. My body was comfortable, but heavy, as if being lightly held down by some invisible force. I didn't even think I could work up the energy to open my eyes. For some reason the idea didn't scare me though. Instead, I felt rather peaceful and I let myself mentally drift.

"_Where am I?"_ was my first silent question.

It would have been easier if I'd had the use of my eyes, but I tried to use my other senses to figure it out. From what I was feeling, and if I had to guess, I'd say that I was lying in a bed.

"_But what bed?"_ was my next question.

The logical answer was that I must be lying on the bed in my room. What other bed would I be lying in?

And like a tug at a frayed thread will start to unravel a garment, that unspoken thought started to bring back everything that had happened during my last conscious memories.

Oh, God.

I'd tried to kill myself, but Edward had stopped me and then... then I was pretty sure Carlisle had drugged me. Surprisingly, the last thought made a flash of anger go through me. Had that really been necessary?

On the heels of my anger came fear. What if the bed I was lying in was in a hospital and the reason why I was finding it hard to move was because I was restrained so that I wouldn't try and hurt myself again?

The very idea made me jerk out of the lethargy plaguing me and I opened my eyes. I was beyond relieved when I found myself lying in my own bed, in my own room in the Cullen's house and when I really focused, I found that I could slowly lift my hand from the bed and move both my legs. Both actions clearly demonstrating that I was not actually restrained, which only added to my relief. The only problem was even those small movements were exhausting and I dropped my hand back on the bed.

"Oh, good, you're awake," came a soft voice from my left. I managed to turn my head enough to see Esme standing by the window with a warm smile on her face.

Wearily, I ran a hand over my face. Why the heck did it take so much energy to make even the simplest of movements? It felt like I'd just woken up from a really deep sleep, the kind of sleep that leaves you feeling groggy and lethargic rather than rested or refreshed.

"You might still be feeling groggy from the medication Carlisle gave you," she said, as if she read my mind. "Before he left for work, he said it would take a little time to clear it out of your system."

She walked over to the bed and, sitting down on the edge beside me, she gently brushed some hair back from my face. Her cool touch felt soothing against my skin.

"Are you feeling all right?"

I nodded slowly.

"Can I get you anything?"

I shook my head. Then something rather disquieting occurred to me; I realized that, while Esme was here, someone else was missing. Someone significant.

Edward.

My heart started beating faster and I felt the lethargy sliding away as adrenaline began to pump through me. Had Edward left me again as I'd feared he was going to? Had he taken that 'walk' without me, only to keep walking and never look back?

I somehow forced myself to sit up and I couldn't help but look around wildly. Just as I'd thought, he was not in the room. That was a bad sign, as he was almost always in my room, especially when I first woke up.

Esme was frowning now; obviously she'd heard my increased heart rate. "What is it, Bella? What's wrong? Oh, wait..." She stood up and retrieved the iPad from the game table and handed it to me.

Quickly, I typed out one word. _"Edward."_

She smiled reassuringly at me as she sat back down. "Even though he didn't really want to, he went hunting with Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice."

"_Why didn't he want to go hunting?"_

"Because he wanted to be here when you woke up, but Carlisle thought Edward had waited a bit too long to hunt and that it would be better if he were well fed before he talked to you. Carlisle also told him that he thought it was likely Edward would be back before you woke up. He will definitely be upset that he wasn't here."

"_Really?"_

Her smile widened slightly as she nodded. "Yes, really. I promised to stay with you until he returned."

Suddenly exhausted again, I put the iPad down beside me, flopped back on the bed, and closed my eyes. Esme patted my hand lightly, but didn't say anything, probably because she was trying to give me time to shake off the last of the drug.

I wasn't sure how long I laid there before she spoke again, but I was finally beginning to feel more clear-headed. "Are you sure I can't get you anything?" she offered in a gentle voice. "I know you didn't have lunch. You must be hungry."

I really wasn't. I was back to feeling empty and numb, food or the desire for food was a somewhat distant memory. I shook my head slightly to indicate 'no' but didn't open my eyes. Again, I laid there for what seemed like a long interval with neither of us interacting beyond Esme patting my hand.

"Bella?" she finally said, brushing her hand lightly over my forehead.

My first instinct was to just lay there and not respond, but something in her voice, something kind and caring, wouldn't let me and I opened my eyes to look at her. The expression on her face matched the tone in her voice. In her eyes, I saw no anger or pity for me. Only love and compassion.

"Please don't shut us out again, Bella," she began quietly and it made something inside me clench.

I wanted to say or type something to the effect that if they didn't send me away, and Edward didn't leave me, then I wouldn't shut them out, but I remained silent and unmoving.

"Won't you let us help you?" she tried again.

The next thing I expected her to say was that the best way that they could help me was by sending me away, presumably to some type of mental health facility, where trained professionals could 'help' me. That's what Renee, along with Charlie on the phone agreeing with her, had said to me when she had wanted me to go into the hospital.

But those words didn't come. In fact, I kept waiting for them, but they never came and I didn't know what to make of it or how to react.

Esme picked up my hand and went from patting it to rubbing it gently between her cool ones. "I won't pretend to know how you feel and I don't know what drove you to try and... well, do what you did, but I do know what it felt like when it happened to me."

I blinked at that. I'd forgotten that Esme had tried to kill herself after the death of her infant son, but she'd been saved by Carlisle when he'd found her body broken and near death in the hospital morgue.

"Since it's from my human life, it's a little fuzzy now, but I remember feeling pain, emotional pain, fill me up to the point where there was no room for anything else. I remember feeling like a failure as a mother and as a woman, and that no one could ever understand what I was going through. To make things worse, I thought I had been forsaken by everyone and that I had no one to turn to."

Staring out the window, her voice was slow and quiet as she continued almost absently. "I'd never felt so utterly alone in my life and it all lead me to that moment of desperation so intense that I couldn't stop myself from doing the unthinkable."

While I hadn't lost a child, a lot of what Esme was saying paralleled my own feelings. Feelings of failure and abandonment, of desperation and thinking no one could ever understand what I was feeling. It couldn't have been easy for her to tell me about that part of her life, so I squeezed her hand back in encouragement.

She looked down at me and a smile began to touch her lips. "And then Carlisle found me, changed me, and saved me in more ways than one. He reminded me of what it was like to be happy again, to feel without only feeling pain. Of course, I'll never forget my sweet baby and his loss, but Carlisle gave me love and something to live for again." Her smile widened as she tucked some hair behind my ear. "And now I have a whole new family, complete with adopted children to love and who make me feel needed."

Her hand cupped my cheek. "That includes you, Bella. After we left you like we did I know it's hard for you to believe, but I think of you as one of my children too. And all I want, all any of us want, is for you to be happy and to find a way to get past the pain you've been feeling so you can start living again."

She gently, almost reverently, touched my hair. "Whatever's wrong, we can work on it. You just have to tell us what you need. We only want to help you."

Her words left an enormous lump in my throat and no matter how hard I swallowed, I couldn't dislodge it. Like a bird beating its wings against a cage, I suddenly felt every emotion inside me - pain, guilt, fear, and even hope - pressing to get out.

I reached for the iPad again, intending to try in some way to explain; to put into words what I was feeling, or what I wanted, or why I'd done what I'd done, but as I stared down at the blank screen, the words wouldn't come. The written word had always been my refuge, my element, and yet, there I sat with fingers as ineffective as my ability to swallow around the lump in my throat.

Instinctively, I did the only thing I could; I put the device back down, crawled over to Esme, wrapped my arms around her waist, and buried my face against her cool, hard side. I tried to suppress the silent tears that started to leak from my eyes, but it was a losing battle. I wanted so much to let myself hope that things would be different this time, hope that things would be the way they were before Edward and the rest of the Cullens had left. I was so tired of fighting them, of fighting Edward... of fighting the way I truly felt for all of them.

She must have felt or smelled the tears because she gave a little cry of distress. "Oh, sweetheart, please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

The kindness in her words only made it harder to hold in the emotions that were fighting to escape. And then suddenly, something slid free inside me, and without a conscious decision to do so, sound came pouring out of my mouth in a rushing tidal wave of words.

"Please don't send me away, Esme!" I begged in a voice that was rough and hoarse from disuse as I went from crying to sobbing. "I'm sorry about the wall, I'll clean it or repaint it or whatever it takes, just please don't leave me or send me away to another hospital!"

There was a definite beat of stunned silence. "But Bella..." she tried, but I cut her off and tightened my grip around her waist as if I could hold onto her if she really wanted me to let go.

"No, I know I'm weak and human, but I promise I'll be good! I couldn't take it if you sent me away again!"

Another beat of silence, then she gently shifted me so I was looking up at her. "First of all, you are not weak, and being human is not a crime so I never want to hear you talk that way about yourself again. And second, you thought we were going to send you away or leave you like before because of what you did to the wall?" she asked in stunned disbelief.

I nodded mutely.

Her reaction was immediate; she gathered me close like she might a child and rocked me. "Oh, darling, no. Of course we're not going to send you away and we already told you that we wouldn't leave you again," she told me. "Why would you think that?"

"I wrote all over the wall, which clearly means I must be insane, so I thought you'd probably be looking for the quickest way to get rid of me," I told her tearfully.

She eased me back enough that she could look at me. "No, sweetheart, of course we don't want to get rid of you," she said softly. "The wall is nothing. You obviously had something important to say. If that was the only way you could say it, then so be it."

Smiling, she brushed at my damp cheeks. "And you're forgetting the fact that Emmett lives in this house. If I got upset every time the house or the walls got dinged or messed up, I'd be in a perpetual state of rage. Usually, I'm just happy when he doesn't tear a wall completely down. And don't tell him this, but even when he does get a little too rambunctious and does some real damage, I give him what for and then I use it as an excuse to redecorate. Speaking of which, before... everything happened," she said with a little catch in her voice. "I was planning on asking you if you wanted to redecorate your room and make it look a little less like a hospital room. If you do, I figured we could repaint the wall then." Her eyes twinkled a bit. "Unless you want to leave it there and then I think we should just frame it."

Under normal circumstances, I'm sure I would have laughed at her comment about Emmett, but the rest of her words took me by surprise. I wondered if my expression matched the bewilderment I was feeling.

She wasn't angry?

She was going to ask me if I wanted to redecorate my room?

Could I really have been so wrong about absolutely everything?

"But Edward said that... that Carlisle was making a call," I told her haltingly. I was still finding it a little difficult to make myself speak aloud. Not only did my voice sound terrible, but it made me feel oddly vulnerable, maybe because I couldn't censor myself as easily as I had when I'd written out my responses. "I assumed he was calling another doctor or a hospital for me."

She smiled at me. "No, he was talking to his old friend Eleazar. He's been after us to come visit them in Alaska for months. We'd put it off because you were so injured and we wanted to take care of you, but you've been getting so much better, that we thought we'd try and go in a couple of weeks." Her expression softened a bit. "You and Edward would need to stay here though. We can't take you out in public yet and there's no way Edward would leave you here."

And that brought me to the final piece of the puzzle, the one thing that had really sent me over the edge and made me believe that either I was going away or Edward and the Cullens were.

"But Edward..." My voice trailed off when I found it hard to say the words lest they become reality.

Frowning a little, she searched my face. "What about Edward, dear?"

"He... he said that we should go for a walk." I choked a little on the words. "That's what he said the day he left me in Forks so I thought..."

"Ah, yes," she said clearly understanding. "In hindsight, Edward was concerned you might have drawn that conclusion." She smoothed some hair back from my face. "Bella, Edward didn't mean it like that. He just thought some fresh air might help clear your mind and, I imagine, give the two of you a chance to talk without everyone in the house overhearing your conversation. He was never planning on leaving you." She smiled. "He loves you so much, Bella, and wants so much to make things up to you. Won't you give him that chance... won't you give us all that chance?"

Searching for any sign of subterfuge or misunderstanding, I stared at her. I saw nothing but open honesty. I felt great pieces of myself, pieces of the hurt and anger I'd felt that day in Forks, finally begin to crack and slide away from my heart. At that point, much to my mortification, I couldn't hold back a new round of tears. I was sick to death of crying, but apparently my emotions weren't clued in on that fact.

"I've been so stupid," I blubbered. "I'm so sorry, Esme. I never meant to cause so much trouble."

"Nonsense," she said pulling me close again and rocking me gently. "You've been no trouble. You've been through a terrible ordeal, one that we all had a hand in, something which I know everyone, especially Edward, is very sorry for. You have every right to be upset. I'm just glad we can be part of getting you well again."

Esme rocked me quietly for a bit as my crying subsided. "You bring so much to this family, Bella, we all missed you when we left." She laughed a little. "While I know she would never admit it, even Rose missed you, and I know she has become very attached to you since you've been back. You probably don't know this, but when you were first brought here and then when Edward came back to find you, we were worried he would try and take you away from us, so the entire family banded together to tell Edward that you were staying with us, no matter what he wanted."

That surprised me. I knew that the Cullen's stayed together for many reasons, not the least of which was their 'vegetarian' vampire existence, but for them to band together over me, a human, against one of their own kind, from their own coven, was quite extraordinary. I know it must have been difficult for Edward to hear them choose me over him, but I was immensely touched by the gesture and it further strengthened my resolve.

"I didn't know," I said quietly.

She sighed. "Well, luckily, he'd finally seen the error of what he'd done, and what it had done to you, and what he wanted was for you to stay with him and the rest of us too so there was never any question, but I don't want you to forget that you're not only important to us because of Edward."

I had no idea what to say in response to that, so I just let myself take the comfort she was offering. While I loved my own mother dearly, she'd never been exceptionally big on hugs or comfort. Usually it was me comforting her and when I did something like scrape my knee, I was the one who bandaged my own wounds because, believe it or not, she was even more squeamish about blood and injuries than I was. Even though I was now an adult, feeling Esme's motherly comfort made me want to cry even harder. But they weren't tears of sorrow, they were tears of relief, hope, and, dare I say it, happiness.

To my way of thinking, the Cullens weren't the ones that had some making up to do. Despite the fact that Esme had said I'd been no trouble, I knew that wasn't true. I could see now that I'd been incredibly selfish and self-absorbed. In one way or another, their lives had all begun to revolve around me and not in a good way.

But that stopped now. From this point on, I was going to get it together and, human or not, I was going to be a functional part of this family and not a drain on it. Maybe I couldn't be physically strong like Emmett or the rest of the family and maybe I didn't have any special powers like Edward or Alice, but I had a heart and a brain and if I took what Esme had said at face value, which I did, I now had a family; or more accurately, I had a family again.

And that's what I'd always wanted anyway.

Well, that and... Edward; it always seemed to come back to him.

If he was still willing to let me back into his life and forgive me for being so foolish today, the least I could do was really listen to him when he tried to explain why he left me and then be willing to take a chance on a life with him again. I supposed only time would tell if he could be happy with me. I just knew I had to stop living on the 'what ifs' of a future that might or might not happen and start living in the 'here and now' of the present; if I didn't, I suspected that I'd go even more crazy than I already was.

Not that the idea of letting myself love him and having a relationship with him again wasn't a scary one. Between jumping out of a third story window and opening myself up to him again, the latter was definitely more terrifying. Being away from him had shown me just how much power he had over my heart.

But what was the old saying? With great reward comes great risk?

Well, it was finally beginning to seep through my thick head that if I wanted the brass ring of a relationship with Edward and the Cullen's, then I needed to stop hiding and reach out for it.

**EDWARD**

As with the last time I'd been all but forcibly dragged out of the house to hunt for an hour, at the exact minute that hour was up, I was heading back to the house and Bella. From the distant thoughts of my brothers and sisters, I knew that they'd given me a wide berth while I'd hunted; something for which I was grateful.

And yet, even the solitude and the blood of two deer coursing through my veins hadn't really managed to calm me much. I suppose I felt more in control, but no less upset.

I felt like we were almost back at square one. I had to think of a way to help Bella, to make sure she never did anything like she'd done today ever again. The problem was, I still didn't know how to do that. She was so locked behind the wall of silence and anger that surrounded her like a fortress that I didn't know if I'd ever be able to reach her.

I'd thought that perhaps her actions this morning, the Scrabble game and writing things out on the wall, would have been a release valve of sorts for her and yet it apparently seemed to set her back. Then there was my comment about taking a walk with her. If it was true that she's taken that comment the wrong way, then I could and would apologize for it, but I didn't know if an apology would be enough. At this point, I didn't know what would ever be enough to bring her back to me.

As I neared the house, I was surprised to hear Esme's thoughts all but calling out to me. Even more surprising was the fact that, rather than the dire thoughts I'd expected, Esme's mind was full of excitement and anticipation. While she was careful to conceal exactly what she wanted to tell me, she was definitely pleased at some turn of events that involved Bella.

Something had happened, something that she believed was good news, and while I wanted to share in her excitement, I had to keep a tight reign on my emotions and not let my hope get the better of me... not until I knew more about what had happened since I'd been out hunting. I'd gotten my hopes up before, only to be disappointed.

I made my way upstairs to Bella's room, where I found Esme holding a sleeping Bella in her arms. As soon as I entered the room, Esme gave me a broad smile.

"_Oh, Edward, I have best news. Bella spoke to me,"_ she mentally said, so as not to wake Bella.

"Show me," I whispered, still unwilling to get my hopes up.

Knowing me as she did, Esme didn't question why I wanted to read what happened in her thoughts. With Esme's perfect vampire memory, it would be like watching a movie rather than just hearing her thoughts. The movie version was much more desirable to me because I wanted to see Bella's expression and her actions in the series of events that had unfolded while I'd been gone.

And see them I did.

Bella waking up and her panic when she didn't see me. That image made me feel both good and bad. Good that she'd missed me, but bad because I'd worried her and I hadn't been there for her when she'd woken up like I'd wanted to be.

Esme talking to Bella, pleading for Bella to let us help her. Esme sharing her own experiences.

Something Esme said must have gotten through to Bella, because in the next images, Bella was tearfully clinging to Esme.

Most stunning of all, Bella suddenly crying out saying she was sorry about the wall and begging Esme, begging all of us, not to leave her or send her away to another hospital.

After everything that had happened, did she really think we'd send her away? Or that we... that 'I' would leave her again? From what I was seeing in Esme's mind, that was exactly what she'd been thinking. I was also right in that she had assumed from my 'let's go for a walk' comment that I was going to leave her again. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, I really needed to be more careful with my words, at least until things between me and Bella had gotten back on more solid footing.

"_Isn't it wonderful, Edward?" _Esme said, stroking Bella's hair. _"I think it's very promising."_

"Yes, promising," I murmured, watching Bella's sleeping face.

While everything that had happened while I'd been out hunting was indeed promising, I knew that just because Bella had spoken to Esme that didn't mean that she'd speak to me or that she'd be speaking on a regular basis to anyone. After all, she'd spoken to both Rose and Carlisle since she'd been here and yet her silence had returned right afterward.

Esme noticed my reticence and she frowned. _"What is it? Why aren't you happy?"_

I pulled my gaze away from Bella to look at Esme. "It's nothing and I am happy," I told her quietly. "Everything you showed me is a very positive step."

Esme studied me for a moment longer, then she opened her mouth to say something, but then she closed it again. Very carefully, she eased Bella out of her arms, laid her down on the bed and covered her with a blanket. Bella sighed slightly but didn't wake as she settled back onto the bed. She looked so peaceful in sleep; I hoped that she could hold onto some of that peace when she awoke.

Much to my surprise, Esme came over to me and pulled me into her arms. _"You looked like you needed a hug."_

To my even greater surprise, I found she was right and I hugged her back, burying my face against her shoulder. She was the closest thing I had to a mother and I took a moment to accept the comfort she was offering me. One of Esme's greatest strengths was her ability to love and I knew that we as her 'grown-up-but-perpetually-teenage-children' didn't always give her an outlet to express it.

"_What's troubling you, Edward?"_ she mentally pressed as she pulled back to look at me, while still keeping an arm around my waist.

I stared down at Bella. "I'm just concerned that once she wakes up, she'll go back to shutting me out."

Esme rested her chin on my shoulder as we both looked at the sleeping brown eyed human that had changed our lives so irrevocably. "She won't, Edward," she said speaking out loud.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Faith, dear," she said simply.

"Faith?" I said with soft, disbelieving snort.

She seemed unfazed by my reaction. "Yes, faith. Faith in her and in you, and in what you two feel for each other." She was quiet for a moment. "Maybe you should try having a little too."

I sighed at the gentle admonishment in her tone. I'd lost my faith a long time ago. Even after I'd met Bella I hadn't gotten it back. Something in me refused to have faith that I could have an eternity with her, that she'd be happy with someone like me or that I wouldn't end up destroying her.

Looking back, I'd always been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thought when she found out who I was, _what_ I was, she would be terrified, or at the very least repulsed, and leave me, but of course, she wasn't and she hadn't. Then when James had almost killed her, I was sure she'd see how dangerous it was for her to be around me and she'd tell me to go, but she didn't, in fact, she'd only held onto me that much tighter.

But when Jasper, someone in my own family and not some deranged stranger, had nearly attacked her, I'd used it as validation for all my fears and as an excuse to run from her. I'd told myself I was leaving to 'protect' her and to a degree I suppose I was. However, if I was being honest, I had to acknowledge that, from the beginning, a voice in my head had argued that I could protect her better if I was by her side, but I had ignored that voice. I was now beginning to realize that my leaving had more to do with me being a terrible coward, than the need to protect her. Part of me really just wanted to leave her before she could leave me, even if she left me because she was dead by my hands or those of my kind or even from old age.

I could see now that, as much as I loved her, I'd never believed, never REALLY believed that our relationship could work.

But Bella had.

Bella had always believed in us and I'd broken her when I'd all but thrown it back in her face and abandoned her.

Part of me wanted to fall back into the trap of thinking that I'd screwed things up so badly that Bella would never forgive me; that again, we could never be. But looking at her sleeping now, I refused to give into that urge, refused to let my despair and self-loathing win over the love I felt for her and the love I hoped she still felt for me.

I clung desperately to the fact that I'd been given a second chance and it shouldn't be wasted. Or was it a third or fourth or fifth chance? I had lost count. First the van at school almost crushing her, then James, then Jasper, then the monster in the hospital, and now her suicide attempt. If you also threw in the fact that, despite my own lust for her blood, I'd managed to not kill her that made an even half dozen chances I'd been given.

Someone somewhere had to be telling me something and it was most likely that I wouldn't be getting many more of those chances.

In the face of that, perhaps it was time that I took Esme's advice and started having a little less doubt and a lot more faith in us.

And in Bella.

TBC...

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><p>Sigh... love me some Esme! I tried to let her motherly nature shine through in this chapter.<p>

So Bella finally talked, but will she talk to Edward? Although it wasn't really explored in canon, I always felt like Edward had a lot of self-esteem and self-loathing issues and I wanted him to explore some of them in this chapter.

Oh, and everyone has been asking when we're going to hear about Charlie/Renee and what's going on in the outside world. That will be addressed starting in chapter 26.

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><p><em><strong>Next week: <strong>_What you've all been waiting for. The next two chapters are all about Bella and Edward. See you then!


	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. This story now has almost 400 reviews which makes me want to do the Snoopy dance of joy. Life is off the charts crazy right now as I'm getting ready to have my house tented for termites and I'm getting ready to go on vacation so I've been horrible about responding to reviews but please know that I read and treasure each one.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Bella and Esme had a long talk and Esme cleared up a lot of Bella's misconceptions, which prompted Bella to start speaking as she begged Esme not to send her away. Once Esme calmed her down and assured her that they weren't sending her anywhere, Bella fell asleep. Edward returned from hunting to find Esme brimming with excitement over the fact that Bella spoke to her. While Edward was pleased with the turn of events, he worried that Bella still wouldn't speak to him when she woke up. Esme told him that she thought Bella would speak to him and that he needed to have some faith both in Bella and in his relationship with her.

This chapter and chapter 23 are all about Edward and Bella talking so in the famous words of Rocky the Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose, _"Now here's something we hope you really like!" _

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 22<strong>_

**BELLA**

Rolling onto my back, I forced my eyes open and scrubbed a hand over my face. I had to hold back a grimace when I discovered that it felt a little crusty from all the crying I'd done earlier. Not only that, but my eyes were dry and gritty and I had a mild headache; in fact my whole body felt a little achy, like the day after a good physical work out. Now I remembered one of the many reasons why I hated crying so much; it tended to leave me feeling physically drained afterwards.

I desperately wanted to wash my face and take some aspirin. Actually, after the events of the day, I could really use a shower. Or maybe even a bath. I hadn't taken an actual bath in months, not since before my birthday when I'd still been in Forks. The idea of taking one now, of sitting in a tub of hot water to soothe my body and wash away the gunk from my earlier crying jags sounded heavenly. However, since my bathroom only had a large walk in shower in it, I would have to ask someone if there was a bathtub in the house I could use.

Lifting my head, I started to sit up, but stopped when I saw Edward standing by the window in the same place Esme had occupied earlier. The light was fading fast outside and he was cast almost in silhouette as he stared out the window, but it was definitely him. My heart leapt at the fact that he was here with me and had not abandoned me again. But I was all but holding my breath as I waited to see what he would say after my earlier 'stunt'.

"Do you have any idea what it felt like to watch you jump from the third floor like that?" Edward said quietly as he continued to stare out the window.

I was a little surprised at the lack of anger in his voice, but I couldn't be too happy about it because rather than anger, his voice was colored by pain... deep wrenching pain and I was immensely sorry that I'd been the one to put it there. The only thing I held onto was the fact that for me to be able to hurt him meant that he still had feelings for me.

Swinging my legs slowly over the edge of the bed, I sat up, but didn't make a move to actually stand since I wasn't entirely sure my legs would hold me up. I lowered my eyes to floor, ashamed of what I'd almost done and the pain it had caused him and everyone else.

"It was like watching everything you hold dear come crashing down," he continued softly. "If Alice hadn't called in time and I hadn't caught you..." His voice trailed off and from his reflection in the glass, I saw him close his eyes as if shutting out the image of the thought he hadn't finished.

So, Alice had been the one to thwart my plan. I should have guessed that would be the case. I would have to remember to thank her for keeping me from making the biggest mistake of my life.

Then, suddenly, Edward was kneeling before me, cradling my face in his hands so that I was forced to look at him. The shame I was feeling made me want to close my eyes and mentally try to hide from him, but something in his gaze wouldn't let me.

"You don't have to talk to me, Bella, but you are going to listen," he said firmly. "You will never, ever do anything like that again. I can't lose you. Do you understand? I won't survive it. If you kill yourself, you kill both of us. I cannot... will not, live without you."

And I realized then what I'd seen in his eyes a moment ago that wouldn't let me look away.

It was love.

How could he look at me with such love in his eyes after the way I'd acted since he'd come back and after what I'd almost done today?

"I...I'm sorry," I whispered finding it even harder to talk out loud to him than it had been to talk to Esme.

Edward blinked at me in astonishment, and then he broke into a slow, happy grin when he realized that I'd spoken to him out loud. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning that woke up to find the exact toy he'd asked Santa for waiting for him under the tree.

"Oh, Bella," he said pulling me off the bed and into his lap as he sat down on the floor.

His arms crushed me against his hard chest, well, not crushed, because where he was concerned crushed would mean exactly that, but he pulled me tight against him and he rocked me as he pressed his nose against my hair to breathe in my scent.

"I'm so sorry about everything," I said softly as I pressed myself into his hard chest. My voice still sounded a bit unnatural to me and I wondered if it was from lack of use or because I'd just forgotten what my own voice sounded like.

"No, love, I'm sorry. I never should have pushed you and I never should have said that idiotic thing about taking a walk. I swear I didn't mean anything by it and I never thought that you'd read something more into it."

"I know that now. I overreacted and..." I sighed heavily. "...crap."

He pulled back to look at me. "What's wrong?"

I swiped at the tears that were beginning to trickle down my cheeks again. "I'm crying again. You'd think by now I would be out of tears." I swallowed back another surge of emotion. "I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life."

Smiling, he wiped at the tears with cool fingers. "From now on, how about no tears but happy ones, all right?"

I managed to work up a passable smile in return as I forced my vocal cords to keep working. "Well, I um... I can't seem to control my emotions very well these days so there are no guarantees." I sighed. "But how about if I promise to try?"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized that my last statement could be taken in a number of different ways and oddly, I was all right with that.

His hand cupped my cheek and stared down at me. "Maybe we can try... together."

"I'd like that," I whispered.

Leaning in, he brushed his lips over my forehead. Then he rested his head against my shoulder and stroked a comforting hand down my back as I lightly drew my fingers through his hair. We were quiet for a long moment after that.

As much as I hated to break the fragile, promising peace between us and as apprehensive as I still felt about speaking out loud again, I knew what we'd just said was only a first step. We still had a lot more talking to do if we were going to clear the air once and for all.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?" he said almost absently.

"Can we talk?" I asked him quietly hating the halting quality of my voice. "There are... um, some things that I... that I need to know and things that I need to say."

Edward pulled back to look at me. His eyes were understanding, but a little resigned as if he knew this was coming. "Yes, you're right of course."

I sat up a little straighter and making a move to climb out of his lap, I grimaced.

"What is it?" he asked with a frown.

"Nothing, I'm just a little stiff and sore," I said. "It's been kind of a hard day."

He nodded sadly but before he could say anything else, Alice and Rose came bounding into the room.

"Bella," Alice gushed, "I saw you speaking to Esme and Edward and we rushed right back!" She pulled me up from his lap before I could so much as squeak in protest and she hugged me, while behind her, Rose smiled.

Alice pulled back and looked at me expectantly. "Well?" she prodded. "Say something."

Wow, thanks Alice, I thought. Because I didn't already feel any pressure with the three of you staring at me.

"Alice, please!" Edward snapped. "She's not a trained dog. She'll speak when she has something to say."

She shot Edward a glare. "Oh, like you didn't want her to speak to you too! You already got your turn, Rose and I just want ours." She looked at me, her face still hopeful.

I swallowed; this is why I hated being the center of attention. "Hi Alice... Rose," I finally managed.

In response, Rose grinned and Alice squealed. Yes, SQUEALED like a kid over a new puppy as she pulled me into another hug. This time, she squeezed so hard that my already somewhat sore joints protested and it was a little hard for me to breathe.

"Ugh..." I half choked out. "Need to breathe..."

"Alice!" Edward growled as he pulled at one of Alice's arms. "Could you please try to not suffocate her?"

"Sorry, Bella," she said sheepishly. "I'm just so excited."

She let me go so quickly that I wobbled a bit, but Edward caught my arm to steady me and I sent him a grateful look. I cleared my throat a bit and made myself respond. "It's okay."

After that, a stretch of silence between the four of us went on long enough that it started to get a little awkward and I was glad that I had a question ready. "Um, I was wondering. Is there a bathtub in the house I could use?"

Apparently, they weren't expecting me to say anything like that because they all looked at me as if I'd asked for directions to King Tut's tomb.

Rose recovered first. "There's one in Esme and Carlisle's bathroom."

Alice looked at me blankly for a moment, and then she blinked and shot me a grin. I knew that blank look, she'd just had some kind of vision and given her grin, apparently it was something good. "Yes, you should definitely make use of it, hardly anyone ever does. Actually your timing is good, Carlisle's at the hospital and Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I are going to take Esme to a movie..."

"We are?" Rose interrupted, obviously surprised by Alice's statement.

"Yes," Alice said giving her a pointed look. "Don't you remember? We talked about it when we were out hunting."

Rose still looked a little blank, but apparently she decided to play along. "Oh, sure, yes, the movies."

Alice rolled her eyes at how unconvincing Rose was and pressed on. "So, you see, you and Edward will have the house all to yourselves."

Silence descended on the room at her remark. She'd made it sound like she'd cleared the way for Edward and I to be alone for a romantic interlude or something, which was not what either of us was ready for; if we ever would be again.

It was almost comical the way that Rose looked like she wanted to smack Alice, and Edward simply pinched the bridge of his nose; whether in embarrassment or frustration, I didn't know.

"Alice..." he said with a long suffering sigh.

"What? I just meant that you'll have the house to yourselves so you can talk... and everything."

The 'everything' pretty much ruined any job she'd done at pulling her foot out of her mouth; then again, this was Alice and she generally wasn't all that concerned about what other people thought of her.

"Well, Rose, we should go round everyone up so we can get going. Edward can show you where the bathtub is."

Without another word, she grabbed Rose's hand and they disappeared out into the hallway. Edward let out a gusty sigh. "Never let it be said that my sister suffers from an overdose of subtlety. I'm sorry if she embarrassed you. You can take your bath and then we can have that talk, all right?"

I nodded. "Let me just get something to change into," I told him as I moved to the closet and picked out some soft, comfy pajamas and a fresh pair of underwear.

It was a little early for night clothes, but I wanted to be comfortable for my discussion with Edward and it wasn't as if I was going out in public anytime soon or needed to impress him with my dazzling fashion sense. On my way back through the bedroom, I almost grabbed the iPad so I could do some reading in the tub, but I was worried that with my clumsiness I'd drop it in the water, so I picked up a magazine someone had left in my room instead and went to find Edward.

The house was already quiet as I found him waiting patiently for me in the hall, so I assumed everyone had already cleared out; either that or they were just being very stealthy, which given their collective track record was not beyond the realm of possibility.

Part of me was a little nervous about being alone in the house with him, which was silly since we'd been alone in the house before. But something about being in the rather vulnerable position of being naked in a bathtub with only him in the house when things were still so unsettled between us made this different.

Then again, this was Edward we were talking about; the eternal gentleman. At that point, I didn't know if that thought reassured me or disappointed me. I shouldn't want anything to happen between us. As I'd observed earlier, neither of us was ready for that, but the feelings I still had for him made it difficult to shut off the fantasy in my mind that something _could_ potentially happen.

Completely unaware of my inner thoughts, Edward led me downstairs to the second floor and into Esme and Carlisle's bedroom, one of many rooms in the house that I hadn't actually been inside before – it was impeccably decorated, of course, with an eye toward style as well as comfort – and into the adjoining bathroom.

Like the rest of the house, the bathroom was like something out of Architectural Digest; black and white marble with gleaming silver fixtures, double black sinks set into a huge white marble countertop, and a huge fluffy white rug in the center of the floor that my feet all but sank into.

And then there was the tub.

Actually calling it a 'tub' was really doing it a disservice. Set up on a slight pedestal, it was a huge square monolith made out of pristine white marble, with what looked like jets set along each inside wall. It probably could have sat at least four people comfortably. To my eyes, it was less a 'tub' and more a pool or Roman bath, but I didn't comment on it. Part of me thought using it would be a sinful waste of water and the other part was itching to dive right in.

"Well, this is it," Edward told me unnecessarily, I assumed he said it to try and fill the silence I'd created by not saying anything out loud. "The tub has a recirculating heat pump so you can take as long as you want without the water getting cold."

I started to nod and then forced myself to give a verbal response. "Great."

"If you want a shower after your bath, there's also a separate shower that you're welcome to use," he said indicating a large black marble stall shower off to our left. "Oh, and before she left, Esme said to tell you that you're welcome to use any of the bath salts and bubble bath on the bathroom counter."

I still didn't know quite what to say, so I just nodded. He moved over to a cabinet set into the far wall, opened the door, and began to collect a few things. "Here are some towels for you," he added handing me a stack of super soft, Egyptian cotton towels that rivaled the number supplied in most hotel bathrooms. In addition to the 'tub' seating four people, I now had enough towels to dry off all four of those people as well.

Edward looked at me expectantly as he handed the towels over, so I carefully cleared my throat and forced myself to say something to keep the atmosphere between us from getting any more awkward than it already was.

"Thank you."

Again, even those small, brief words made him smile slightly, almost as if I'd given him some small gift. "You're welcome. Well, I'll leave you alone, take your time and just call out to me if you need anything else."

I nodded again as he backed out of the room, closing the door behind him and I was alone. I realized then that, except for my being in the closet to get something to wear, it was the first time I'd been alone since my flying leap out the window and I wondered if they'd been watching me for signs that I might try something again. If so, I was a little surprised that one of the girls hadn't stayed behind to keep me 'company' during my bath.

However, I had no intention of doing anything that stupid again, so I took the opportunity to enjoy the solitude. Turning on the tap until the water was at the right temperature, I closed the drain plug on the tub so it could start to fill and I laid the towels beside it. Despite the fact that I didn't normally use such things, I indulged myself and poured in some of the bath salts that Edward had pointed out. Just for fun I also started to add some of the bubble bath, but kept the amount to a minimum since I eventually planned to make use of the tub jets.

Renee had told me once about a mishap she'd had while traveling with Phil that involved bubble bath and a hotel room Jacuzzi bath tub. Apparently, she'd used a bit too much of the bubble bath and the jets had quickly whipped the bubbles into such a frenzy that they'd overflowed the tub and nearly covered the bathroom floor in a knee deep layer of foam. I'd always pictured it like something out of an _I Love Lucy_ episode and as funny as the story had sounded when she told me about it, I had no intention of recreating it in her in Carlisle and Esme's bathroom. Setting the bottle back on the counter, I inhaled the scent of French lavender steam that now wafted through the room and began stripping off my clothes.

I blinked slightly when I came face to face with my reflection in the massive set of mirrors that covered the wall above the double sinks. After smashing the mirror in my bathroom, the closest I'd come to seeing my reflection for quite some time had been the windows in my room. Even now, some part of me wanted to turn away from the mirror, but I couldn't stop myself from studying my image anyway. My hair was so much longer than I had realized and while I had gained some weight in the time since I'd been here, I was still much thinner than I'd expected; my cheekbones and my ribs seemed just a bit too prominent, while my breasts seemed a little too small.

I also couldn't help but grimace when I saw the dusting of bruises dotting my ribs and upper arms. Since they hadn't been there when I'd showered this morning, I assumed that they must have been caused by Edward's flying catch or Alice's enthusiastic hugging or both. Then again, me being bruised was not uncommon, I seemed to sprout them more easily than most people my age got acne.

Then there were the scars. I'd collected a number of them over the years, but my fingers traced the newest additions. First, the small scars on my hand and the lower part of my arm from where I'd cut it when I'd smashed the bathroom mirror. Oddly enough, these smaller ones led almost naturally into the long scar I had on my arm from my run in with the broken china and glassware on the night of my 18th birthday party. But the one that put the others to shame was the prominent scar on the upper part of my chest where the central line had once been inserted. It was in the pink puckered stage, but promised to leave a distinctive mark behind even after the pink had faded.

I sighed. My reflection was not exactly the image of a seductress. And to think that earlier I'd had some stupid fantasy about something happening between Edward and I while everyone else was gone and I was naked in the tub. The reality was, even if by some miracle he saw me without any clothes on, I'd be lucky if he wasn't thoroughly repulsed.

I quickly shoved that thought away. He wasn't going to see me naked and we weren't alone in the house to fool around or to fulfill some stupid fantasy my brain had cooked up. We were here to talk things out and to try to find a way to go forward; I had to focus on that and that alone. I could obsess about my body issues later.

I laid my clothes on the counter, and after throwing my hair into a messy bun, I moved to the tub. It was nearly full, or at least as full as I was planning to make it, so I turned off the tap and stepped carefully into the water. At first, it was a bit too hot against my legs and the rest of my skin as I settled into a sitting position in the tub, but the water quickly became soothing, rather than uncomfortable. Locating the controls for the jets on the right side of the tub, I switched them on and waited a few minutes for any sign of runaway bubbles; while the volume did increase slightly at first, it was nothing alarming so I settled back in the tub.

I couldn't help but grin at the sensation of the bubbles and the frothing water. The size of the tub and the swirling of the water from the jets combined with the scent of the lavender bath salts to make me feel decadent and relaxed. It was unlike any simple bath I'd ever taken and I hoped Esme wouldn't mind, but I had a suspicion that I was going to be making frequent use of this tub.

Letting my eyes shut, I sat there for a few moments and just let my mind drift. The only real subject I focused on was the talk that Edward and I were planning to have later. After what we'd said to each other in my room and what Esme had told me earlier, I hoped that it would be positive and maybe the start of a new beginning for us. On the other hand, I'd be lying if I said that part of me wasn't still afraid that it might not go so well and we'd either end up in an argument or something would happen or be said that would put an even bigger wedge between us than the one we were already trying to overcome.

I shook my head and opened my eyes again. No, the outcome of our talk had to be positive. After all that had happened between us and the fact that he was here with me again, I decided that anything else was unacceptable and I was determined to tell him that if need be. While I wouldn't try to hold onto him if he truly didn't want me, I was not going to let him go without a fight.

With that settled in my mind, I looked around for the magazine I'd brought with me from the bedroom, but couldn't locate it. Then I saw it sitting by my clothes on the bathroom counter. I'd meant to set it by the tub with the towels, but had apparently forgotten to do so before I'd gotten in.

With a sigh, I heaved my body out of the water and waited for a moment for the majority of the water and bubbles to run off me so I didn't leave huge puddles on the floor. Then I spread one of the towels out on the floor to act as a bath mat, climbed out of the tub, and picked my way over the counter. The air was cold against my heated skin and after snatching up the magazine, I quickly made my way back over to the tub before I started shivering.

I carefully stepped one leg back into the tub and then the other. The problem arose when I tried to ease myself back down into the water using only one hand to brace myself so my other hand was free to hold the magazine. I was halfway back into the water when one of my feet passed in front of a jet, tickling the arch of my foot and startling me enough that my weight shifted. The one foot I had planted went out from under me, and the magazine started to slip from my hand.

After that both my body and the magazine merely followed the laws of gravity. The magazine dropped neatly into the water; thank goodness I hadn't brought the iPad, while my body did the same thing, this time not so neatly as it caused a small wave of water to rush over the side and onto the floor and I went halfway under the water. Just to make the experience complete, I banged my elbow on the edge of tub sending a radiating pain through my funny bone and down my arm.

"Ow!" I exclaimed unable to suppress my yelp of pain. "CRAP!"

**EDWARD**

Closing the bathroom door behind me, I had originally planned to go downstairs to wait, but found myself unable to go far from Bella and hence I ended up pacing in front of the bathroom door.

When Bella had first asked about taking a bath, I thought it might be a bad idea. While I didn't want to be suspicious of Bella's motives, I was still worried that she might do something to hurt herself. Of course, then Alice had to go and encourage the idea so I couldn't fight Bella on it without making a scene. Alice wouldn't let me see what she'd seen in her vision that made her want to quickly hustle everyone out of the house, but she did mentally tell me that she didn't see Bella purposefully doing anything to hurt herself.

And then there was Esme. Although her ideas had come from her talk with Bella rather than a vision, her thoughts also told me that she was sure Bella was past her suicidal tendencies and that leaving her alone in the bathroom would be fine.

So there I was, pacing the hallway like an insane person, listening to Bella breathe and the steady beating of her heart, as I waited for her to finish her bath.

The pacing was also due in part to the nervousness I felt over the impending discussion I was to have with Bella. Would the discussion be productive? Would she finally be ready to listen to me? I wanted... no _needed_ to make things right with her and this was my chance. And yet I had deep concerns that one wrong word would drive her even farther away from me or worse yet, set her back in the path to her own recovery.

I dragged a hand through my hair and decided that I would just have to balance honesty with recognizing what things might be a trigger for Bella's insecurities... like my comment about taking a walk.

My head picked up as I heard what sounded like her getting out of the tub, moving around the bathroom, and then getting back in the water.

Then I froze as I heard the sound of skin sliding against marble, then a series of soft thuds, her heart speeding up in alarm, and finally the sound of water sloshing in the tub. Could she have slipped and hurt herself? My hand was instantly on the door knob, waiting for some sign that she was all right.

Her voice came through the door on a sharp cry. "Ow! Crap!"

That settled it, clearly something had happened, and I wasn't waiting around to find out what. "BELLA?" I yelled, throwing open the bathroom door. I was across the room and kneeling in a large puddle by the side of the tub in the time it took her to turn her head to look at me.

"Are you all right?" I asked, trying to keep my tone soft so it didn't startle her.

Heart still pounding, she nodded almost numbly as she rubbed absently at her elbow. "I slipped getting back in the tub."

"Did you hurt your elbow?"

"I banged it on the edge of the tub," she said holding up her arm.

I was a little dismayed to see a few bruises dotting both of her upper arms and I wondered if I'd been the one to cause them when I'd caught her, but I didn't want to make her feel self-conscious so I didn't comment. As guilty as I felt over the idea that I might have caused the bruises and as much as I didn't like to see anything marring her lovely skin, I had to acknowledge that a few bruises were a small price to pay for the fact that my catch had saved her life.

Shaking off those thoughts, I took her arm in my hands and ran my thumbs over her elbow. "It doesn't feel like you broke anything and I don't feel any blood or fluid pooling."

"I think it's okay, I just hit my funny bone, which, for the record, doesn't feel so funny."

"So I've heard," I commented, relieved to hear her make a joke and her heart begin to slow to a more normal rhythm. "Why did you get out of the tub? Did you need something?"

"I forgot my magazine." She frowned and reached beneath the water and pulled out a water logged magazine. "I hope Alice wasn't overly fond of this copy of Vogue."

I couldn't help but smile. Having such a simple conversation with her was making me feel practically giddy. "I'm sure she has it memorized by now." I took it from her and dropped it into one of the bathroom sinks until it could be disposed of properly.

I turned back to her. "Besides, she goes through fashion magazines like most humans go through tissues."

Any additional words that had been forming died in my throat and I froze.

Now that the stress of the moment was over and I could see that Bella was fine, the full impact of the scene before me made itself known to my brain.

Bella - NAKED Bella - was sitting up in the middle of the large bathtub with beads of water and clumps of bubbles slowly trailing down her neck and shoulders. And as if her sitting in that position wasn't seductive enough, her breasts were resting just above the water line and her nipples were playing peek-a-boo with the roiling, bubbly water. In all my 109 years I had never seen such an erotic and lovely sight.

When I'd spent nights watching her sleep, I'd tried my best to be the gentlemen I'd been raised to be. Usually I made sure she had blankets tucked around her and kept my eyes on her face. On the other hand, part of me was still a male - a perpetually 17 year old and often sexually frustrated male - and consequently, there had been times that the blankets and sheets had slipped and I'd been unable to keep my vision from straying downward. On those occasions I'd studied the outline of her breasts through the t-shirts and tops she'd worn to bed and I'd wondered just what they would look like without any kind of covering. But as much as I'd wanted to lift whatever piece of clothing that covered her and see her bare skin in all its glory, I'd managed to control my baser urges. There was no way I'd ever disrespect or defile Bella like that, especially in her sleep.

But now the proverbial scales were gone from my eyes and I was seeing exactly what I'd been missing. And it was, _they were_, even better than my imagination had led me to believe; petite, round globes with pert, rosy tips that I estimated would fit perfectly in my hands. The thought caused my groin to harden with desire and venom to flood my mouth, but not over the urge to bite; rather it was over the urge to suckle her exposed breasts.

In a flash, I turned my back to her so I was facing the sink again.

"What's wrong?" she asked in confusion. Clearly, she didn't realize how exposed she was.

I started to try and think of an answer that wouldn't embarrass both of us, while also trying to will the hardness in my groin to go away, when I made the mistake of looking into the wide mirror in front of me.

The mirror was large enough, high enough and at the correct angle to give me a bird's eye view of the scene I was trying to get away from. Again, her bare breasts all but called to me. This, of course, did nothing to relieve the pressure in my groin. I turned again so I my back was to her and the mirror.

"Edward?" she tried again.

"I, uh... could you give me just a minute?" I said tightly.

"Okay," she said meekly, the confusion still evident in her voice.

I closed my eyes to try and get some control over my thoughts and the corresponding reactions in my body. I tried to bring up images of anything distasteful or unpleasant. Human food. General mayhem and carnage. Chief Swan pointing a gun at me for ogling his daughter. Emmett in an evening dress, high heels, and full make-up.

The last one finally did it and I felt the desire raging in me start to recede enough that I thought I could speak coherently. I kept the image of Emmett in my mind as I chose my words. "Um, Bella, you might want to sit a little lower in the water. The position that you're sitting in makes you look very... tempting."

"Wha...? Oh, God!" she said clearly figuring it out. I heard a splash that presumably meant she had settled lower in the water. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"I figured as much," I said.

"It's okay now, you can turn around," she told me. "I grabbed a towel to cover myself under the water."

"All right." I turned to face her and sure enough, not only was she reclining back in the tub so she was low in the water, but I could see glimpses of white terrycloth through the gaps in the frothing water where the towel covered her. She was also blushing furiously from embarrassment.

I took a fresh towel out of the linen cabinet and dried the water on the floor that had sloshed out of the tub so she wouldn't slip when she got out later. "Now that I know you're okay, I should probably go," I told her as I finished.

The look she gave me was unreadable. "You don't have to," she said softly. "We could have our talk now."

"I'm not sure that would be the best idea," I said not wanting to risk another situation that would embarrass us both again.

She frowned slightly. "I know I look half drowned from nearly sliding under the water, but do I look so hideous that you can't even be in the same room with me?"

I sighed. She always went right to the assumption that she was lacking in some way. Well, from now on my mission in life was to change that particular habit.

I leveled my gaze at hers and kept it there so she would hopefully read the sincerity of my words. "No, not at all. Quite the opposite, actually," I told her. "As I said, you look very... tempting."

She stared back at me, surprise registering in her eyes and then, after a moment, the surprise faded to what I could only describe as... awareness. Now it was my turn to be surprised.

"Please stay and talk to me," she said quietly, her gaze never leaving mine.

There was no way I could deny the request when it was asked so simply and earnestly. With a nod, I sat down beside the bathtub so I could face her. I was close enough that I could reach out and touch her if I needed to, but not so close that she might feel overwhelmed by my presence. To ready myself for the discussion that was to follow, I took a slow breath and then let it out. "Where would you like to start?"

She studied me for a long moment as if trying to decide what question to ask first. "Why did you really leave me in the forest that day?" She demanded. "And I want the truth, not just what you think I want to hear."

I'd actually covered that very topic the first day I'd talked to her here in New York, but I know she hadn't been ready to listen then so I didn't mind going through it all again. Taking a breath, I nodded and began to tell her what she wanted to know.

TBC...

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><p>Okay, so that was a good first step, right? They're talking and not yelling or running away from each other. I hope you liked it. Sorry if you were expecting some lemony goodness in this chapter with naked Bella in the tub. While I am planning some citrusy goodness later on, for now Bella and Edward are still finding their way back to each other so Edward will remain a gentleman (even if his manly bits have different ideas).<p>

_**Next week:**_ More talking for Edward and Bella... see you then!

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><p><em><strong>Fic Recommendation:<strong>_ I meant to put this in last week and forgot. My recommendation for this week is _**Heaven, Hell & Harleys**_ by vickisan (**http: / www . fanfiction . net /s/6328511/138/** just remember to remove the spaces). This story is another New Moon AU. It's a WIP but it's got a lot of chapters already in the can (138 to be exact). It's also one of my favorite New Moon AU stories. There is some of Jacob in it but it never goes beyond friendship for him and Bella and it's pretty much Bella and Edward all the way. Here's the synopsis:

_Edward realizes his mistake and comes back to find that Bella is missing, having left town with Jacob. Bella and Jacob remain friends as Bella marries Edward and faces the threats and problems that the Denalis, Victoria and Aro bring into their family._


	23. Chapter 23

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. I'm posting this from the wilds of Missouri while I'm on vacation so it's a little hard to respond to your reviews and comments, but I've read every one of them and I love them all so thank you very much!

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Bella and Edward started talking and they finally started to work out their issues. Bella slipped in the tub and Edward rushed in and found her naked (as one would be in the bath tub) but unhurt. They started talking some more and Bella was finally ready to hear the truth behind exactly why Edward left her in Forks.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 23<strong>_

**EDWARD**

"Why did you really leave me in the forest that day?" she demanded. "And I want truth, not just what you think I want to hear."

I'd actually covered that very topic the first day I'd talked to her here in New York, but I know she hadn't been ready to listen then so I didn't mind going through it all again. Taking a breath, I nodded and began to tell her what she wanted to know.

"At the time I honestly thought I was trying to protect you. I thought that by leaving you I was keeping you safe. I had no idea you'd react so badly or that things would work out like they did with you being in the hospital and being hurt. I guess I didn't stop to consider that vampires are not the only dangerous things in the world. But when I saw what Jasper did or almost did the night of your birthday and I considered the way I'd injured you that night as well I panicked and..."

She blinked at me in surprise. "Wait, what do you mean you injured me?"

Could she really not remember? "I'm referring to the fact that I threw you across the room and into the table and all the broken dishes and glassware. You could have been even more badly hurt than you were."

She rolled her eyes in frustration. "Edward that was just an accident. You didn't mean to hurt me any more than Jasper did. You were only trying to protect me from him."

"I know you see it that way, but in my mind it was just one more way that you being around me was dangerous. But I've spent some time analyzing my actions and motivations, and I've come to realize that there is more to it than that." I stared down at my hands. "You said you wanted the truth, so here it is. I believe that part of my leaving was caused by my own cowardice."

"Cowardice?" she asked, clearly not expecting that answer.

"I'm not proud of it, but I think at least part of the reason I left was because somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt like I had to leave you before you could leave me."

She gaped at me. "Leave you?" she yelled. "I would never have left you!"

"You would have if you had died," I said quietly. "And that's what I thought would happen if I stayed around you. If it wasn't James or Jasper, maybe it would be Emmett, or even me in a moment of weakness. As bad as the pain of me leaving you felt at the time, I could bear it if I knew you still existed in the world. But even the thought of you being gone from this world filled me with such unbearable pain, as it still does, especially if it's over something I caused, that I knew I would never survive it if that came to pass."

"Well, that's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Since you refused to change me, or let anyone else do it, I would have died eventually, even if it was from old age!" she pointed out. "You had about 60 years or so before I kicked the bucket, and with my own track record of getting hurt, it would probably be less than that."

The vehemence of her words surprised me, but after everything that had happened, I could hardly deny her the right to be angry.

"I know, but..." I tried to explain.

She balled up her fist and pressed it to her heart, which was pounding furiously. "Don't you understand, Edward? Sixty years, or whatever time I have left on this earth, of life with you is better than the crushing emptiness of those sixty years without you."

Despite the anger in her words, they warmed me, but I couldn't help but point out the obvious drawbacks of sixty years with an immortal, unchanging vampire. "But being with me, even as a human, means you'd have to give up so much," I pointed out. "Children, a normal life..."

That only seemed to make her angrier. "And I suppose you get to decide what constitutes a 'normal life' for me?" she fumed. "Since when don't I have a say in what I want for my own life? What if I want you more than I want children with someone else? What if I'd give anything, give UP anything for a life with you? At the very least we should have discussed it together, but instead, you arbitrarily decided what was best for me and forced me into it. You know good and well that if someone had tried to do that to you, you would have rebelled against it."

She had me there. "Yes, you're right."

"But I didn't even have that luxury. You didn't bother to tell me what was really going on in your mind, instead you lied to me and made me feel unworthy of you and like you didn't even care."

"Oh, Bella, you could never be unworthy of me. I'm the one who's not worthy of you."

"How can I believe that when it was so easy for you to leave me?" she shot back.

"There was nothing easy about it, it was quite simply the hardest thing that I ever had to do," I replied, then tried to come at things from a different angle. "Bella, do you remember when James was hunting you and you had to leave while also protecting Charlie?"

"Yes, but..."

"And do you remember that he wasn't going to let you leave and you had to think of a way to get him to let you go?"

"Yes," she said much more cautiously as if she knew what was coming.

"Do you remember the things you said to him? Things that you knew would hurt him, but it was the only way to get him to let you leave and keep him safe. I felt like I was doing the same thing when I said those things to you that day in the forest."

I could tell from her expression that I was getting through to her, but she didn't like it. "Don't you see? I lied, I had to lie. I knew it was the only way you'd let me go." I told her as a wave of regret and pain went through me and the words tumbled out before I could stop them. "I just didn't expect you to..." My voice trailed off.

"Didn't expect me to what?" she pressed.

"To believe me so easily."

The look she gave me was stunned to say the least. "Oh, so now this is all MY fault because I believe you?"

"No, of course not, that's not what I meant!" I backpedaled, then sighed and said what I was thinking, even if it wouldn't exactly help matters. "Bella, after all the times I told you I loved you and wanted you, how could you ever doubt my feelings for you?"

"Because, you stupid vampire, that's what you TOLD me! What reason would I have to think you were lying? When I lied to Charlie, he could chalk it up to teenage angst or hormones or something. I NEVER said that I didn't love him or that I didn't want him as a father. But when you said those things to me in the forest that day, I couldn't think of any reason why you would say them other than that they were true. All I knew was that you said you didn't want me and that I would never see you again. Then you took your entire family, including my best friend, and LEFT ME! Up until then you'd never outright lied to me! Granted, in the past you left out some details, especially when you were trying not to let me find out you were a vampire, but you had never lied right to my face! Not about us or how you felt about me! It never made sense for you love me anyway so how was I supposed to know you didn't mean every word?"

Now it was my turn to be shocked. "What do you mean it didn't make sense for me to love you?"

She shrugged. "Nothing, just forget it."

I wasn't going to let her get away with evading the issue. "Bella, after everything we've been through, can't you be honest with me?"

"Fine, I'm just a plain human okay, I'm nothing," she said her voice cracking a little with emotion. "I can never measure up to you or your family."

I had to work to rein in my frustration with her lack of self-esteem as I watched her turn away. I saw her bring a hand up to swipe at a tear and I took the opportunity to grab her hand and hold it between mine. "Bella, look at me."

It took her a moment, but she finally did as I asked. Her eyes were a little pink and glistened slightly with moisture, but she didn't appear to be actively crying.

"Don't you know?" I began. "You're everything. You're beautiful and kind, thoughtful, intelligent, funny, and a million other adjectives I could name. You put everyone else's needs before yours and ask so little in return. And I wish you'd see your humanity as something to be cherished, not scorned. I don't understand why you never see yourself clearly."

"I think you're biased," she said softly as she looked away to stare into the water, but she left her hand in mine.

Gently, I laid my fingers on her chin and pulled her face back to mine. "No, I'm not," I told her, working to sound every bit as earnest as I felt. "And my family agrees. That's why they're drawn to you as well. It's like you're our missing piece. They all fought me when I told them we had to leave you in Forks, but they did it for me. And despite the fact that we've moved many times over the years and left many human friends and others that were important to us behind, I've heard from more than one of my family that this time was different. They told me that the family felt... broken and incomplete when we left you in Forks."

I released her chin and she looked back down into the swirling water as she considered that. I knew that my words wouldn't fix her self-esteem issues, but going forward I would do my best to help her work on them and hopefully she'd remember my words the next time she thought of herself as only a 'plain human.'

Neither of us spoke for a long while and I waited for her to say something to direct the next part of the conversation. When she finally did speak, her words were on a related but slightly different topic.

"Why did you take them away from me?" she asked quietly.

"Who?"

"Your family," she clarified. "Why not at least leave me them as some kind of consolation?"

I sighed. "At the time, I thought it would be easier if there were no reminders of me or of the life we had together."

"Well, I have to say that was really stupid. You only made it harder for me. When you left, you took everything. You leaving me was hard enough, but I also lost my best friend in Alice and the family I'd come to love. I was lost."

"Please believe me," I pleaded. "I had no idea things would end up the way they did or that you would take our leaving so badly."

"Why would you think that? Were you the only one invested in our relationship? The only one who got to be upset over the idea of us being apart?"

She looked at me for a long moment, as if waiting for answers to her questions. Answers that I didn't have, or at least didn't want to admit to having, because they showed just how wrong I'd been.

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly. "That's it, isn't it? You've never thought that I love you as much as you love me, have you? You thought that when you went away I'd just forget about you as if the way I feel about you is some puppy love, school girl crush."

I couldn't lie to her about this. If we were going to survive, I had to be honest. I slowly nodded. "Human memories are so fragile and I thought..." I let out a sigh. "It doesn't matter what I thought. I was wrong, so wrong, I knew it immediately when I came back and saw how broken my leaving had left you. I never should have doubted you. I would take it back if I could, do things differently if I could. I know that I am the most miserable excuse for..."

"Stop!" she snapped. "I don't want you to feel like a miserable excuse for anything. I just want..."

Her voice trailed off and she stared at me, her covered chest heaving slightly from her anger as she seemed to try and find her words. I had a feeling that what she would say next would tell the tale of whether or not anything of our relationship could be salvaged.

"What?" I pressed. "What do you want?"

When she spoke next, her voice was quieter now, calmer, as if her outburst had acted as a relief valve for her anger. "I want you to tell me more about what you did from the time you left me in Forks until you came to New York. I know you said once before that you were hunting Victoria in Texas and South America, but tell me more about that time."

Her request took me by surprise and I wasn't sure what bearing it had on our discussion. "Why?"

"Well, since you apparently think that you love me more than I love you, I'd like to know how you spent the six months you were gone and how they affected you." Her lips thinned. "You already know how I spent them and how they affected me. It seems only fair that you share the same information with me."

She was right, of course. Telling her was the least I could do. "Well, like you said, I hunted Victoria for the first two months after I left you. Even though I still think she will come after me for killing James and not you, at the time I thought if I eliminated her as an ongoing threat, then I'd make extra sure you would be out of danger." I hung my head slightly. "Plus at the time I was pretty angry and wanted something to tear apart and she would have fit the bill perfectly."

"But you didn't find her, right?" Bella asked quietly.

Staring down at my shoes, I shook my head. "No, I tracked her as far as Brazil, but then it was like she disappeared into thin air. I never caught her scent again."

A silence stretched between us until Bella finally broke it. "And then what? When you lost her what did you do?"

Suddenly, I felt like I had to move, so I stood up and strode away from her, but I had no intention of leaving the room.

"Edward?" she said quietly, apparently sensing my agitation. I used her slow and steady heartbeat to keep myself grounded. "It's all right."

I was surprised by the sympathy in her tone and her attempt to try and soothe me. I also didn't feel worthy of it. She had suffered so much more than I had during our time apart; anything I would tell her would sound trite compared to it. But I'd promised to tell her, so tell her I would.

"When I lost Victoria's trail, I also lost any purpose to my existence," I told her as I paced the room. "Looking back, I think I lost her scent long before I actually admitted it to myself. Some part of me knew that when even that small task was gone, what little reason I had for going on would be gone too." I let out a breath. "I was standing on a street corner on the outskirts of Rio when I couldn't deny it any longer. My brain nearly shut down entirely and I ended up standing there all night. I was simply at a loss for what to do next. I realized that I had nowhere to go and nothing to do."

I dragged a hand through my hair as I continued to make a circuit around the room. "When I saw that the sun was getting ready to come up, the self-preservation part of my brain kicked in and I went to find a room where I could hide and presumably think. I finally found one in a rundown tenement that doubled as a cheap hotel. From there my memory gets a little fuzzy."

"What do you mean your memory gets 'fuzzy'?" she said, her voice confused rather than accusatory. "I thought vampires had perfect recall."

"We do. I can't explain it. All I know is that there were blocks of time where I would sit and stare at nothing, think of nothing and have no sense of the passage of time. Sometimes it would be hours, sometimes it would be days. Once it was two weeks."

"I know what that's like," she murmured low enough that if I didn't have such sensitive hearing, I probably wouldn't have been able to make it out.

"What about hunting?" she asked in a slightly louder voice.

"What about it?"

"When did you hunt?"

I shrugged. "For the most part I didn't."

She frowned. "But, didn't that make it hard to be around the other humans in the hotel?"

"No, not really. First, I didn't leave my room much at all and second, I don't recall being thirsty." I laughed a little, but even to my ears it sounded painful. "I didn't even change my clothes. If you ask Esme she'll tell you that I showed up at the airport here in New York wearing the same outfit I wore to your birthday party... or at least what was left of it. I think Alice burned what was left of it."

"So that's why you were still wearing the same clothes," she said more to herself than me.

Still unable to face her, I forced myself to stop pacing and I looked at a series of three small oil paintings that hung on one wall of the bathroom. Each was a depiction of nature scenes with a dominant black and white color scheme. Idly, I studied the first one. It was a black and white butterfly alighting on a small white flower.

There was a long pause before Bella spoke again. "What about distractions?"

"What distractions?" I asked.

"In the forest that day you said that your kind was easily distracted," she clarified. "So I wondered what distractions did you find while you were gone?"

"Other than tracking Victoria, the only distraction I had was a picture of you that I had stolen from your photo album. I carried it in my pocket every day I was gone. It was taken the night of your birthday party."

I smiled, or maybe it was more of a grimace. I knew how this next part would sound, but by this point I was in for a penny, in for a pound. "For a while, it held hints of your scent and I would take it out and smell it, just so I could have some tangible piece of you. Even after your scent faded, I would take it out and look at it for hours."

When Bella still didn't answer I was afraid to see what was in her eyes, so I focused on the second painting. This time it was a small black bird with brilliant blue eyes resting on a tree branch rife with brilliant white buds waiting to fully open.

I pressed on before Bella said anything else. "The low point came when I found myself in the jungle, a dead panther at my feet only half drained and I couldn't find the will to care to finish it. I don't even know how long I'd been there, except that night had turned into day without me noticing. I took out that picture and stared at it. I knew then that I'd been a fool and that even if it was selfish on my part, I couldn't be away from you any longer. Without you, nothing in my life made sense. No matter what happened, no matter what it took, I had to see you, had to throw myself on your mercy and hope that you'd give me another chance."

I shoved my hands in my pockets. "So I made my way back to Seattle and then to Forks where I hid outside your house. Between what I found in your room, what I could pick out of Chief Swan's mind, and what I overheard from his telephone call with your mother, I figured out that you hadn't been in Forks for some time and that you were in fact missing. I was all set to go to Florida to find out what had happened to you when Alice called me. She'd seen me go off to Florida and she didn't want me going off on a wild goose chase so she told me you were with them here in New York. I immediately flew back here and the rest... well, you already know."

"How is Charlie?" she said quietly. Her voice sounded a little strained, but I couldn't be sure. I chalked it up to the fact that she was probably worried about her father just like she worried over everyone else.

"He's all right," I said. "His hair is a little grayer at the temples and he's worried about you, but other than that he seemed fine."

As I fell silent and waited for Bella to respond or ask more questions about her father or Forks, my eyes dropped down to the third and final painting.

And I blinked in utter astonishment.

How had I never seen this particular picture before? In it two swans, one black and one white, glided across the surface of a dark green pond, the white ones head nuzzled against the black ones neck as he bent his head low to press against hers. For a picture of two birds, it was oddly, almost painfully intimate. Just then it occurred to me that I'd read somewhere that swans mated for life.

And just like that, as if I didn't already know the folly of what I'd done, didn't realize the complete stupidity of my thought processes in thinking Bella would be unaffected by my leaving, the enormity of what I'd done crashed over me.

Bella had mated with me for life as surely as I had with her and it was the height of disrespect that I hadn't realized or appreciated that. I had, instead, used that fact against her.

If I had retained the ability to truly cry, I think I would have been on my knees sobbing by then. As it was, my throat was tight, my eyes burned and my shoulders were shaking under the weight of the emotion going through me. I was across the room and kneeling beside Bella in a heartbeat, my head bowed as if in supplication.

"Oh, God, Bella. I'm so sorry. I was so blind. I didn't know... didn't understand," I gasped out in a voice that shook with regret and self-loathing. Even my needless breathing was difficult by then so getting out each word felt like I was inhaling and exhaling shards of broken glass. "I've always seen myself as a monster, someone unworthy of love, of happiness so it was hard to think you could love me. Your love was a gift, a miracle and I tried to throw it all away in the name of my completely misguided ideals. You have no reason to forgive me or even believe me, but if you give me a second chance, I'll spend the rest of eternity making you see that I've changed and that I will never leave you or take your love for granted again."

Her small hand tangled in my hair and I felt her cheek press against the top of my head. "Of course, I'll give you a second chance," she said sniffling. "And a third and a fourth and however many after that it takes for us to get this right. That is if you'll give me some chances too, because I'm sure we'll both make mistakes."

For the first time, I smelled her tears over the lavender scent of the bath water and I realized she was crying. My head snapped up, my gaze finally met hers and I saw that her face was wet with tears. I cupped her cheek and felt my silent heart expand in my chest when she nuzzled her face against it.

"Please don't cry, Bella. I don't want to make you cry anymore."

"I can't help it," she hiccupped softly. "You had me when you said you smelled my picture." She smiled at me and laughed a little through her tears. The sight and sound of both were glorious. "It was something so crazy that I would so totally do if I had senses like yours that I knew you had to be telling me the truth."

Her hands framed my face as she spoke the next words. "And for the record, you may have left me in the forest, but I never let you go," she said quietly. "And I never will."

With that, she stunned me by slowly leaning over and pressing her warm lips to mine. A hot jolt of desire and love ripped through me as our lips met and my tongue tangled with hers. I'd missed this so much; the feeling and taste of her, the rapid beat of her heart and the warmth of her body when we were pressed close together. Despite the fact that it was inappropriate given Bella's current state of undress, I stood up and leaned over the tub to get closer until my face was all but hovering over hers.

"You're too far away," she muttered between kisses as her hands gripped the front of my shirt.

In a lighting fast move that took me completely by surprise, she gave a quick, hard yank and, overbalancing, I fell into the huge tub with her. Water sloshed everywhere and we both came up sputtering and laughing.

"Sorry," she said with a grin. "I guess I was a little over eager."

Still fully clothed, I settled beside her in the tub and pulled her into my arms while trying not to notice what parts of her body the bubbling, frothing water and/or the towel was or was not covering.

I grinned back at her. "You won't hear any complaints from me."

Her warm fingers traced the lines around my mouth, but her expression turned serious. "Are you really not going to leave me again?"

I would say it as many times as it took for her to believe me. "I swear on everything I hold dear, that as long as I exist, I will never leave your side."

Her eyes met mine. "Because I don't honestly think I could take it again."

I kissed her lightly. "There will never be a need for you to find out."

She seemed to mull that over, her expression softening and the hint of a smile came dancing into her eyes. "Good, because if you ever do it again, I'm going to have Emmett tear off one of your arms so I can keep it on my wall for a souvenir."

I chuckled at that. "Fair enough."

"I also want you to promise that there will be no more of this deciding what's best for me," she said. "If you have concerns about me or what I'm doing then we can talk about it, but you have to accept that this is my life and I need to have a say in what happens to me. I've spent too much time in the last few months letting or being forced to allow people to make decisions for me and I'm done with it."

I looked down at her. There was a new determination in her eyes; a new maturity. Now that she wasn't bound by the fear that had rendered her mute and she was willing to believe that my family and I wouldn't leave her again, I saw a new Bella emerging. She wasn't the same person I'd left behind in Forks and I had the distinct impression that she was not going to be nearly as passive as she'd once been. In fact, I'd already seen evidence of it in her interactions with Alice and me.

And the truth was, while I'm sure it would frustrate me at times, especially when it came to issues relating to her safety, I liked the idea. I eagerly looked forward to getting to know this new Bella. I liked seeing her be more assertive and I hoped that this growing sense of self-empowerment would translate into better self-esteem.

Bella must have taken my long pause to mean I disagreed with her statement because she frowned. "I mean it, Edward. I'm not a child and it's time you stopped treating me like one."

"I couldn't agree more," I said lightly kissing the end of her nose. "I swear I've learned my lesson. From now on we discuss things and I will make no arbitrary decisions on your behalf, no matter how well-intentioned I think they may be."

"Really?" she said looking a little surprised.

"Absolutely."

She studied my face for a moment and apparently, finding what she was looking for, she smiled and snuggled down beside me in the tub. We both lay there quietly for a while, the only sound in the room being the swirling water in the tub.

Her fingers toyed idly with the buttons of my shirt. "I think part of me always knew, or at least hoped that you lied to me that day in the forest," she admitted quietly. "But I just chose not to listen to that voice." She laughed softly and then murmured. "Who knows, maybe that's where Anthony came from, maybe he was that voice."

I frowned. "Anthony? Anthony who?"

I felt her tense for a moment, then go lax against me. "I guess I should tell you about him," she said staring at the button on my shirt as her fingers still played with it. "I just don't know how without sounding like a complete lunatic."

I gave her an encouraging squeeze. "Nothing you could say will make me think you're a lunatic."

"Even if I tell you that I see a hallucination of you at random intervals?" she asked.

Now that I hadn't been expecting. "Of me?"

She sighed. "Yes, Anthony, is - was - essentially you. Well, you as you might look as a human. His skin looked a bit warmer and his eyes were green but otherwise he's your twin."

While I didn't think she was a lunatic, I couldn't help but feel a tiny flicker of concern if Bella was seeing things on a regular basis, even if it was some image of me. "Do you see him right now?"

She snorted. "No, but I did see him this morning when I was... right before I..." she struggled to find the words then sighed. "When I was going to jump. He was standing there yelling at me to stop."

Well, I reasoned, at least he was giving her good advice and not encouraging her to do something like kill herself. "How long have you been seeing him?" I asked calmly.

"It started in the hospital after one of the treatments. I was at a pretty low point and feeling like a freak because I saw my reflection for the first time in a while. I was so thin and they'd shaved some of my hair off." She rubbed absently at the spot on her scalp where the hair had not had a chance to grow out fully yet.

"The first thing that he said was that my doctor was an idiot and that he must have gotten his degree from a correspondence school or a box of Cracker Jacks."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "I like him already."

"I liked him too, eventually, but my first thought was that I'd finally gone completely crazy," she said. "But he explained that while I wasn't crazy, he was only in my mind. He didn't have a name and at the time calling him Edward was a little too difficult, not to mention that because of his coloring and his eyes, he looked slightly different than you, so I used your middle name and called him Anthony."

When she didn't continue, I prompted her. "Go on."

She was still quiet for a long time before she answered. "He said that he was there because l needed you so badly and since you weren't there, my mind offered him up as a substitute. He told me that he was actually there to _keep_ me from going crazy."

A flash of pain went through me. "I'm truly sorry I wasn't there," I whispered against her hair. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that alone or at least with only this Anthony to help you."

"Well, at the time, I figured a hallucination of you was better than nothing," she said. "And actually it helped having him to talk to. It wasn't romantic or anything like that, I always kind of thought of him as your brother. And since I was pretty much unable and generally unwilling to talk to my doctors, he became my therapist."

It felt strange to be thankful to a hallucination, but I was. At least Bella had been able to lean on someone, even someone like Anthony, to be with her through that nightmare. "Was he the one you were talking to that time I saw your lips moving?"

I felt her nod against my chest. "While I knew that I didn't speak out loud to him, I didn't realize that my lips moved." She sighed. "Probably another reason the doctors thought I was insane. You know, now that I think of it, I've only seen Anthony a couple of times since you've been back. I guess since I have you in the flesh, my mind has sent him into semi-retirement."

I gathered her close and kissed the top of her head. "Well, next time you see him, tell him I said thank you and that he can go into full retirement now because I'm back and I'm not going anywhere."

TBC...

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><p>Okay, so I hope you found the BellaEdward talking satisfying. They're definitely on the right track now.

_**Next week:**_ Bella has some making up to do to the Cullens. One member of the family is feeling especially upset by her suicide attempt and it's not who you might think. Also, Alice has a surprise for Bella that she will find a bit overwhelming. See you then!

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><p><em><strong>Fic Recommendation:<strong>_ My recommendation for this week is _**Beyond Time**_ by **TKegl** (** www . fanfiction s/5755522/1/Beyond_Time/** just remember to remove the spaces). It's another _New Moon_ AU that involves some time travel and Edward while he is still human and living in Chicago before the influenza outbreak, but it's a really great story with some very sweet and poignant moments and it is complete. Actually anything by TKegl is great and I would recommend you check her out if you haven't already.

Here's the synopsis:

_After the Cullens leave Forks, a twist of fate lands Bella in Chicago in 1918. She thinks it's a second chance to build a life with Edward, but when she finds him, he's not quite what she expected. Can Bella create the future she's hoping for?_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ You may be wondering why I'm posting this chapter later than my usual Saturday post. Well, as some might be aware, there was a somewhat loosely organized boycott of over the weekend. This was due to the fact that a number of writers had received notices asking them to remove their stories or the administrators had unceremoniously pulled the stories with little to no notice. The cause for this action was cited as a violation of the 'mature' rating saying that the lemons or other related situations in the stories were inappropriate. While many of those authors acknowledged that their stories were a bit more 'lemony' than allowed by , the issue was the way the website administered the crack down and the fact that it was not a situation that was universally enforced. Some writers that were also violating the policy were not affected at all.

The boycott was from Friday, June 8th – Sunday, June 11th. While I'd heard about a number of authors being affected by this crack down last week, I only heard about the boycott on Friday so I didn't have a chance to post anything letting you all know that I wouldn't be posting as usual. When discussing the boycott, a number of people said that it wouldn't make any difference, but like many others, I felt it was a matter of conscious and so I supported it, especially since I'm eventually planning on some lemony goodness in _Breakdown_. I know that by not posting on Saturday, I was probably depriving you, my loyal readers, more than I was causing any kind of grief to and I'm very sorry about that, but it was the only way I could think of to express my displeasure with what the website was doing. My posting schedule will be going back to normal again after this post. I thank you for your patience and for indulging me.

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><p>Now that I've got all of that out of the way, I also wanted to give a huge thank you to those that added me or the story to their favorites and to those that left comments and feedback. It means so much to me.<p>

_**Last week:**_ Bella and Edward continued talking and really got to the heart of a lot of their issues.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 24<strong>_

**ROSE**

"You can't avoid her forever, you know," I said as I watched Emmett bury the carcass of the large deer he'd just fed from.

Not responding to my comment, he rolled a small boulder on the spot to hide it and brushed off his hands. "There, the dishes are all done," he joked as he walked over to where I sat on a fallen log and bent down to give me a hard kiss. "You ready to head back?"

"Emmett..." I growled a little in frustration.

"Roooose..." he mocked back, clearly indicating that he did not want to discuss the subject I was trying to broach.

It had been two days since Bella had tried to kill herself and in that time, everyone but Emmett had made their peace with her over what had happened with her suicide attempt and when we'd left her in Forks six months ago. We'd each found some private time to talk to her so we could express our anger, concern and hurt over her misguided actions. She in turn had explained the misconceptions that had led her to take such a drastic step and then she shared her feelings about us abandoning her in Forks without so much as a goodbye.

I had to admit, however, that even without that time to hash things out she would have had us all eating out of her hand simply due to the fact that she was talking again. She'd even gotten Carlisle to not only apologize for sedating her after she'd jumped from her window, but he promised not to do it again without her permission.

And to say that she and Edward had made up was a massive understatement. They were constantly together and even though they weren't overly demonstrative when the rest of us were around, the way they generally looked at one another was positively nauseating. The term 'cow eyes' came to mind. But I could hardly begrudge them that. While there were still times that Bella was a bit too quiet and introspective, whatever they'd talked about while we had been at the movies seemed to be the last piece of the puzzle in getting Bella solidly on the road to recovery; and for that I was grateful.

On the other hand, I had to admit that Alice and I were both struggling a bit with Edward's renewed role in her life. The two of us, along with Esme had gotten so used to being her caretakers that having Bella take back more control and Edward basically taking back the rest of that role was a little difficult. But we recognized that it was how things should be, not to mention it was a sign of her healing, and we would still be there for her in ways he couldn't; namely in a sister-like capacity.

The only real problem in this otherwise promising picture was the fact that unlike the rest of us, my loving, crazy, not to mention stubborn husband hadn't spoken to Bella at all in the last two days. He hadn't been mean to her, he just hadn't responded or made his usual comments when she spoke and didn't hang around when she lingered for more than a few moments in any room he was in. Despite the fact that Emmett had never been one to hold a grudge for very long, he showed little sign that he was going to give in any time soon and what's more, he would not talk about it with any us, not even me; which frankly annoyed me as I thought I could get him to spill just about anything.

I sighed and tried again. "Emmett, couldn't you at least talk to her?"

"Talk to who?" he said, idly pitching a small rock across the small clearing we sat in. He grinned when he saw the rock go right through the tree trunk and come out the other side.

I made a concerted effort to not grind my teeth at his deliberate obtuseness. "BELLA, could you please just talk to Bella?"

He shrugged as he picked up another stone and bounced it in his hand before crushing it into powder. "Talk to her about what?" he said absently. "I don't have anything to say to her."

I had to count to ten to resist the urge to call 'bullshit' on his comment and then slap him. "Talk to her about why you leave the room whenever she comes in and why you won't speak to her."

Rather than answer, he just kept his back to me as he continued to pick up small rocks and hurl them across the clearing. I didn't take well to being ignored, so it wasn't long before I went from annoyed to angry.

"Come on, Emmett! Would you please stop with the rocks and just..."

Suddenly, he whipped around and threw the last rock he'd been holding in my direction, but I knew he wouldn't hit me with it and I didn't do more than raise an eyebrow at him as it whizzed past my head.

"JUST WHAT?" he roared with a thunderous expression. "Just tell her it's okay that she tried to kill herself? Tell her it's okay that she doesn't care about us and what we've tried to do to make up for leaving her?"

I blinked at him. That was the most he'd ever said on the subject of Bella and her suicide. For him it was practically a soliloquy. And while I didn't agree with his statements, I had to acknowledge that it was his right to feel that way.

"If that's what you think, then yes, you should tell her that," I said quietly. "She said she wants us to be honest with her."

He laughed, but it was a bitter sound. "Oh, yeah, right, now there's a good idea," he said. "I tell her that and then she'll get upset and go back to not talking or eating again and it will be all my fault."

Ah, now I understood. He was hurt and angry with her over what she'd done and he needed to say that to her. That alone was hard enough for him since he wasn't generally one of those 'touchy feely' guys, but he was also worried that when he did talk to her it would somehow set back her recovery.

"Emmett," I said softly as I went over to where he was digging the toe of his shoe into the ground. I laid my hand on his chest. "After talking to Bella, I think the only thing that will set her back would be for us to leave her again. What she fears most is our rejection." I let that settle in his mind. "And while I don't think that you not talking to her would set her back, it's not helping things and it's plain to see that it's hurting her."

"Good, then maybe she'll know how it feels," he muttered.

I felt a flash of hurt and anger on Bella's behalf and took a step back. Yes, Bella had acted impulsively with regards to her attempted suicide, but she'd been through so much, a lot of which WE caused, that his words made me want to punch him for her.

But before I could do that or say something, the fight went out of him and he closed his eyes. "I didn't mean that. I don't want anyone to hurt her, not even me, especially not me," he sighed and opened his eyes to look at me. "You sure I won't make things worse?"

I put my hands on my hips in my best 'I mean business' stance. "Not unless you say more crap like 'good, then maybe she'll know how it feels," I huffed.

Something between a chuckle and sigh came out of him and he looked chagrined as he scratched his head. "Yeah, not my most shining moment. Even I think that was an asshat comment and I'm the one that said it."

It was always hard for me to stay mad at Emmett for very long and this was no exception, especially since he was finally giving in. Walking back over to him, I wrapped my arms around him and rested my forehead on his chest. "So you'll talk to her?"

He gathered me in his arms and laughed. "Yeah, I'll talk to her. Let's go home and get it over with."

**BELLA**

I was sitting on the sofa in the main living room reading a book as Edward and Jasper played a video game when Rose and Emmett came in from hunting. I tried not to frown at their return. It wasn't that I wasn't happy to see them, but ever since I'd woken up after trying to take the header out the window, Emmett had all but refused to speak to me. I wasn't used to getting the cold shoulder from him and I was finding it a little hard to deal with. As much as I liked Jasper, Emmett was the most like the brother I'd never had and I really missed the big kid aspect of his personality.

Now I just had to figure out how I was going to fix things with him when he wouldn't even talk to me.

And believe me when I say that I hadn't missed the irony in the situation. Originally I had been the one not talking and now the shoe was on the other foot. It also made me even more appreciative of everything that the Cullens had gone through during my own uncommunicative phase. Luckily, over the last two days, my rusty vocal skills had slowly gotten better, although, except when Edward and I were alone, I still found it a bit tough to talk when I got very upset or emotional.

I was braced for Emmett to take one look at me and leave the room, so I was taken by surprise when, after a little nudge from Rose, he walked over to my end of the couch.

"Um, uh..." he hedged. "Bella could I uh, talk to you a minute?"

His question made everyone in the room go silent. The only sound was coming from the now unattended video game as Jasper gaped and Edward cocked his head slightly in what I assumed was an attempt to read Emmett's thoughts.

Emmett suddenly looked uncomfortable with everyone staring at him. "What are you all lookin' at?"

I looked from Emmett to Edward and whatever Edward heard in Emmett's mind seem to satisfy him because he nodded encouragingly at me so I looked back at Emmett.

"Of course, Emmett," I told him, adding a smile that I hoped looked as sincere as I meant it to.

"Jasper, Edward, why don't we give them some time to themselves?" Rosalie prompted.

Edward shot me a look as Jasper paused the video game. He knew that my falling out or whatever it was with Emmett had weighed heavily on me and I assumed he wanted to make sure I was okay with doing this on my own. I nodded and as he got up and walked passed me he gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. Then he, Jasper and Rose went into the kitchen. A moment later, I heard the outer door leading to the garage open and close indicating they were leaving us alone. Carlisle was at the hospital and Alice and Esme were upstairs so we at least had the illusion of privacy for which I was grateful.

Emmett and I were both quiet for a long time as both of us clearly tried to figure out where to start and what to say. Of course, it only stood to reason that when we eventually did speak, we ended up doing it at the same time.

"Emmett, I..."

"Bella..."

After verbally stumbling over each other, we fell silent and the awkwardness grew. Emmett nervously scrubbed a hand over the back of his head, but when I opened my mouth to break the silence, he beat me to it.

"Uh, Bella, I know I'm not really all that great with this talking stuff, so can I go first?" He sighed and then gave me a little smile. "If I don't get it out, I'll probably lose my nerve, so could you just listen for a minute?"

Emmett was one of the bravest, strongest people I knew. My impression of him was that he often barreled his way through life and any obstacle in his way was either going to get out of the way or get mowed down; so to hear him say he might lose his nerve over talking to me made me realize just how hard this was for him.

I nodded. "Go ahead."

"Okay, look," he began. "It's like this...what I mean to say is..." He let out a little growl of frustration. "Crap, I'm already screwing this up."

"No, you're not Emmett," I encouraged. "Just take a deep breath and then say whatever you have to say."

He paced a little more as if he was trying to find the words, then he stopped and faced me. I could see in his eyes that he'd come to some kind of decision. Then, taking a deep breath, he began. "I know that Rose and Edward have issues with being vampires, but I've always loved it. First of all, I've got Rosalie and I don't remember anything in my human life that comes anywhere close to the way I feel about her." He gave me a little grin. "And second of all, it's awesome being stronger and tougher than a human, or even a lot of vampires."

Then his expression sobered somewhat and he let out a breath. "And then there's this family. When I was changed I had to give up my human family, but the Cullens took me right in and made me part of theirs. I think they would have done it even if Rose hadn't asked them to. Even when I slipped up and killed someone a time or two, they still accepted me. It's just the way they are."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm telling you this so you know how much family... this family, means to me." He stared at me for a long moment. "And I consider YOU part of this family. Alice is a lot like an annoying big sister that never needs me but you, well... now don't get mad at me for saying this but, you're like the baby sister that I feel very protective of." He paused. "So you can imagine how pissed off it made me to hear that you tried to kill yourself."

Hurt and anger flowed into his eyes and it made my chest ache with renewed regret for what I'd done and how much I'd hurt him and the rest of the family.

"How could you do that, Bella? All we've done is try to help you. When Edward told me that..." he struggled with the words. "...I thought you were getting so much better. I couldn't believe that you would do something like that. I all but called him a liar and told him that you must have just tripped."

I hung my head in shame and squeezed my eyes closed against the tears that threatened. As expected, it was hard to make myself speak, but I forced out the words. "No, I didn't trip."

"Yeah, I finally got that," he replied with a grim laugh. "And to know that you'd do that, that you'd throw away what you mean to us like that made me so angry and disappointed, Bella. I mean, I know we left you in Forks and I'll be the first to admit that was a clusterfuck of a mistake, but I've done... we've done everything we could to make it up to you."

His words were like a kick to the gut. Even with him being a vampire, he could have hit me and I think it would have hurt less than him saying he was disappointed in me. Any words of rebuttal seemed to be permanently lodged in my throat.

"Anyway... I haven't talked to you about it or anything else in the past two days because I was afraid that if I did I'd start yelling at you about it and if I did that I knew it would hurt you and I didn't want to do anything that would mess you up again or make you try to... well, you know, try to do what you did."

He stared at me, his gaze an intense as I'd ever seen it. "You can't leave us now, Bella. You've always been better than the rest of us and we just got you back. Our family just isn't the same without you. "

My heart clenched painfully as I saw just how much I'd hurt him. I remembered Rose telling me once that Emmett had fought the hardest of anyone to not leave me in Forks. And while he told everyone it was because he liked a good fight and enjoyed seeing me trip over my own feet, Rose said she knew it was really because he thought of me like a little sister. The idea caused the tears to spill over and run down my face as I looked up at him.

Swallowing hard, it took another huge effort to speak. "I'm sorry, Emmett," I whispered softly. "What I did was unforgivably stupid. Tell me what I can do to fix it."

Anger gone now, his gaze was level on mine. "Why'd you do it?"

I swiped at my tears. After the discussions I'd had with them and the rest of the family, I thought Rose and Edward might have already told him what I was going to say, but then again maybe they hadn't because he wanted to hear the words directly from me.

I took a deep breath and tried to get a grip on my emotions so that I could attempt to say something coherent. I needed to say things to him; needed to make him understand. "This family means a lot to me too, Emmett," I began in a voice just above a whisper. "So much so that when you all left me in Forks and Edward said he didn't want me, I was devastated."

"Yeah, I couldn't believe the idiot said all those things to you," Emmett replied.

I gave him a shaky smile and wrapped my arms around myself. "As for what happened two days ago, I'm not exactly sure what started things. I had a terrible nightmare and the day seemed to unravel from there; I was suddenly angry at Edward and the whole world and it felt like I was coming out of my own skin. The next thing I know, I'm throwing the Scrabble game off the table and writing on the walls in crayon."

I toyed with a frayed thread on the sleeve of my shirt. "I was sure that not only had I finally lost my mind, but Edward, Esme, and Carlisle had witnessed it and I was they sure they were going to send me away to another hospital, or just... away like everyone else had before and I'd be alone again."

Part of me wanted to look up to see the expression on Emmett's face, but I was worried at what I would see there, so I continued to toy with the loose thread.

"I can't go back to that, Emmett, I can't go back to being without Edward and being left behind by everyone I love. I can't even bear the thought of it." I swallowed. "So when I figured that's what was happening, I panicked and throwing myself out the window was the first thing I thought of."

"You should have asked us, Bella" he said gruffly. "After everything that's happened, we would never send you away."

A fresh wave of tears leaked out and I found myself chuckling sadly as I continued to study the very interesting thread on my sleeve. "I know. It sounds so stupid now after talking to Edward and Esme, but at the time it seemed like my only choice."

When he didn't say anything, I finally looked up at him. The compassion I saw on his face gave me the courage to continue.

"You said that the family wasn't the same without me, Emmett, but I'm not the same without all of you either," I said.

There was a long silence and then he spoke, his words direct and to the point. "You won't do it again, right?"

I wiped at my tears and when I spoke, my response was surprisingly determined. "Not if Edward and the rest of you promise not to leave me for my own good again."

He gave me another long look and then apparently, in his mind, the whole matter was settled because he flashed me a little boy smile and held his hand out for me to shake. "Fine. It's a deal."

I slipped my hand in his, my hand looked miniscule by comparison to his and we shook on it. "Fine," I repeated unable to stop the grin that spread across my own face. I suddenly felt as if a weight had been lifted off me.

"Now..." he said, using the grip on my hand to pull me over and plop me down on the couch where Edward and Jasper has been sitting while they played their computer game. Turning off their game he put in another one and handed me a controller. "I think we're long overdue for a rematch of _Grand Theft Auto_."

And just like that matter was apparently closed in his mind as he sat down next to me and we started to work our way through the criminal underbelly of _Liberty City_.

A half hour later, Edward, Jasper and Rose came filing back in. "Well, it would appear that you two made up," Jasper commented dryly.

"Yeah, I'm letting her beat me at _Grand Theft Auto_," Emmett said not looking away from the screen.

"Letting me beat you, nothing!" I yelled back at him as I did my best to run his car off the road without taking myself out in the process. "I'm kicking your sparkly butt! It's not my fault that you couldn't get out of that drug deal and nearly got yourself killed." I heard Edward laugh in response but didn't want to look away from the game.

"Look who's talking," Emmett snarled back. "Your character nearly got taken out by her former pimp before she managed to off him."

"He was a pig," I replied. "He deserved it."

"Oh, God, he's taken her over to the dark side," Rose commented dryly.

"I think I liked them better when they were fighting," Edward added.

"I expect this from Emmett, Bella, but when did you get so blood thirsty?" Jasper asked. Then he smirked. "No pun intended."

I shrugged and my car edged ahead of Emmett's as we neared a bridge clogged with traffic. "When in Rome."

Just then, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "What are you all doing in here?" Esme asked as she and presumably Alice entered the room and I had to squelched the urge to look over them. If I looked away now, Emmett would likely use the opening to eliminate me from the game.

"We're just watching Bella school Emmett in how to play _Grand Theft Auto_," Rose said with a smirk in her voice.

"Hey!" Emmett shot back. "I'm the one giving her lessons, not the other way around."

I gritted my teeth as we wove around the slower traffic on the bridge. "Just keep... grr, telling yourself that, Emmett."

"I hate you when play that game, Emmett," Esme lamented. "You always drive a like a lunatic for days afterward."

"Hey, don't hate the play-ya, hate the game," he said with a really bad New Jersey accent and nearly everyone in the room let out a groan at the lameness of his comeback.

"You really have to stop letting him watch _The Jersey Shore_," Alice commented.

Rose's sigh was longsuffering. "I can't watch him every minute of the day, you know."

"What?" he said, looking up at them. "That was funny."

His moment of inattention was all I needed. I pushed my car forward, edging just in front of Emmett's, then I swerved hard and sent his careening into the walkway at the side of the bridge. A moment later, his car was sailing out over nothing and then down into the water.

"HA! I win!" I said, feeling extraordinarily pleased with myself as I sat back. "Luckily for me your driving skills are as good as your comebacks."

Emmett looked from me to the screen where his car was just disappearing under the water. The expression on his face was priceless. It was a combination of 'what the hell just happened' and 'oh, hell no.'

As a message came on the screen declaring me the winner, I grinned and tossed the controller back to him while everyone else let out varying levels of laughs, snorts and guffaws.

"I want a rematch!" he demanded.

"No! I need to talk to her!" Alice answered before I could even open my mouth. "As much as I enjoy seeing you two getting along again, you can play with her later." She held her hand out to me. "Come on, Bella. I have something to show you."

While I felt a little like a favorite toy they were passing around, I knew I could have refused Alice if I wanted to; I'd made that much clear in the talk I'd had with her. However, to be honest, I was a little curious as to what she wanted to show me; I just hoped it wasn't clothes.

Before I took her hand, I bumped my shoulder carefully against Emmett's. "Thanks for the game," I told him trying to soften the blow of losing. "How about if we have that rematch at the same time tomorrow?"

He grinned back at me with a glint in his eye. "You're on!"

With a laugh, I took Alice's hand and after pulling me off the couch, she led me over to the dining room table. "Have a seat."

Doing as she asked, I glanced between Alice and Edward and the rest of the family that had gathered around the table, but no further explanation was forthcoming as Alice set a large, shiny black gift box down in front of me. I had to resist a groan. "Please tell me you didn't buy me more clothes. I swear, Alice, I can't even leave the house, I don't think I need a full set of designer clothes."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I disagree with you there; one can never be too well dressed, but it's not clothes. Just open it."

I eyed her suspiciously, but then turned back to the box and pulled off the lid. Folding back the tissue paper I was a bit surprised, not to mention baffled, by what I saw inside.

"I don't understand," I said looking first at her and then at Edward, they both looked so expectant, as did the rest of the family, presumably because they were in on the surprise already.

"Well, take it out and I'll explain," Alice told me.

"But it's an organizer," I pointed out uselessly. "I have less need for an organizer than I do with designer clothes."

"Just take it out."

I lifted the large, heavy black leather organizer out of the box and put it on the table in front of me. It was no small purse sized organizer either, it was more a binder that was practically as thick as a phone book for a major city. It was also zipped closed so I also had no way of knowing what was inside it.

Alice moved the gift box out of the way. "A couple of days ago, Rose pointed out to me that one reason you were probably having issues with trusting us again was because you knew we could leave you in an instant and you'd have no way to follow us." She grinned and swiped a hand over the organizer like she was the prize girl on a game show. "So consider this full disclosure."

I frowned down at the organizer and then looked back at her. "I still don't get it."

I could tell that Alice was trying not to be frustrated with my lack of enthusiasm. "Unzip it and look inside."

A zipper ran around three sides of the organizer keeping it tightly sealed. Finding the pull at the top of the spine, I slid the zipper around until it was completely undone and then I lifted the cover and fully opened the organizer.

And I gaped in surprise.

Before me was an identity thief's wet dream. Credit cards, debit cards, key cards, bank books, check books, passports, social security cards and driver's licenses from four different states were the first things that leapt out at me. Anything requiring a picture had a picture of my face on it, the same picture that had been used on my Washington State Driver's license that, as far as I knew, was still in Florida with Renee. The documents seemed to be divided under two names, Isabella Marie Cullen and Isabella Marie Masen.

"As usual, Jazz helped me with the documents," Alice said gleefully.

"Well, documents are my specialty," he said proudly. "If I can't make them myself, I have contacts that can. And don't worry about a thing, Bella, they will stand up to any scrutiny or security check that anyone might run on them."

"But how did you get my picture?"

He shrugged. "It was easy. I just hacked into the Washington State Department of Licensing computers and pulled out your old driver's license picture. From there it was just a matter of dropping it into any document that required a picture."

"Okay, this is great since I have no I.D. of my own anymore, but I still don't see how this makes it harder for you to leave me."

Edward addressed that one. "All these credit cards and other financial items are all tied into the family accounts," he explained.

Alice turned a page and the next section looked like it took up half the organizer. "And here's a listing of all our stock and other financial portfolio information. Of course, that's not a fixed inventory because it changes over time as we buy and sell stock and other financial products and services but it's a good accounting of what we have at the moment and I've added websites and passwords to your iPad so you can always go online and check our current portfolios and accounts if you want to."

I stared at the overwhelming amount of financial information and thought about the new credit cards, debit cards, and checkbooks in the front of the organizer and needed to make sure that they knew their money was not what was important to me.

"But, I don't want your money," I insisted.

Edward laid a hand on my shoulder. "I know, Bella, we all know that. But this way you'll always have a link to us in that regard."

"He's right," Alice chimed in. "Besides, the financial stuff and the I.D. cards are only part of it of what's in here." She grinned. "There's also this..."

Flipping the financial data out of the way, she came to a list of addresses with variations of every name I knew were associated with Edward and the Cullens written above them. In addition to Cullen and Masen, there was Platt, Brandon, Hale, Whitlock, McCarty, and a host of others, some of which I recognized as the Cullens middle names. And to my stunned surprise there were even two listed with Swan as the last name, one as Edward Charles Swan and the other as Marie Elizabeth Swan. To further deepen the mystery, the addresses were all over the world and from every continent but Antarctica.

"What are all these addresses?" I asked not understanding exactly what I was seeing.

"Those are all the properties we own individually and as a family," Alice supplied. "Every house, commercial building, manor, apartment, flat, condo, townhouse, penthouse, warehouse, cabin and piece of land any of us has ever purchased and that we currently hold the title to is listed there."

"But... but this goes on for... pages and pages," I stuttered.

She grinned. "We own a lot of property. It's a very solid investment and it ensures that we almost always have a place to stay wherever we go." She grinned and turned a few more pages.

"And last but not least, there's this," Alice said flipping to the end of the property addresses to a new set of addresses and phone numbers with names I didn't really recognize; again, they were from all over the world.

"Who are all these people?" I asked.

"All our friends and contacts," Edward supplied as he flipped through the pages until he came to one which he pointed to. "I'm sure you'll remember Eleazar and Carmen. They, along with Kate, Irina and Tanya comprise the vegetarian coven in Alaska."

I nodded. "What's the green circle next to their name mean?"

"Anyone on the list with a green circle next to them means that it's safe and recommended to contact them first," Alice said. "The entries with nothing next to them are more acquaintances but should still be safe."

"And what about the ones with the red x's?"

Everyone exchanged a look with each other before Edward finally answered. "Those are ones that can be dangerous and should only be called under the most dire circumstance and as a very last resort."

I read the entry next to one of the red x's. "The Volturi?" I looked up at Edward. "They're the ones you told me about, right; the ones that Carlisle stayed with for a while before he came to America?"

He nodded. "They're very... volatile and unpredictable. We avoid them whenever possible."

I glanced down at the list again, idly flipping pages and feeling overwhelmed by everything contained in the book and what it all meant.

"Well?" Alice asked expectantly. "What do you think?"

I looked up at her, then Edward, and then everyone else gathered around the table watching me. They all had similar expressions on their faces. It was as if they were holding their collective... and unnecessary breaths waiting to see my reaction.

And my reaction was apparently to grow an enormous lump in my throat until I felt like I would all but choke on it; not to mention it made speaking impossible. It wasn't how I'd felt when I'd been mute before. This was different and yet, the outcome was the same. Of course, even if I'd been able to speak, I didn't even know what I'd say. Seeing what they'd done and what they'd put together for me was overwhelming.

I looked away from their expectant eyes before something in me burst, but the problem with that was that the only other place to look was back down at the organizer and all it contained which only reminded me why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

"Bella?" Edward said gently.

I couldn't sit there another minute without bursting into tears. I had to move, had to be away from everyone staring at me, once again, like a bomb waiting to go off. I shoved back from the table and stood so abruptly, the chair I was in tipped over and would have fallen to the floor if Edward hadn't flashed out his hand to catch it.

I didn't wait to see what happened next but took off at a run for the stairs with everyone calling out to me. I sensed rather than saw a presence behind me as I ran up to my room. Seeing as how I hadn't done much in the way of physical activity in the last few months and my body still wasn't in the best shape after not eating for so long, I was breathing hard and gasping for breath by the time I reached the third floor landing. Edward's hard but gentle arms picked me up and carried me the rest of the way down the hall to my... our room. His scent wafted over me and I felt myself relax a little as I closed my eyes and pressed my face against his throat and tried to calm down.

I heard the bedroom door slam as I guess he'd kicked it closed behind us and I felt him sit down on the bed with me still cradled in his arms. He rocked me slightly, but didn't say anything which I appreciated as I was still trying to collect my thoughts.

Eventually, I lifted my arms to put them around his neck and I hugged him. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked gently.

"For freaking out back there."

He was quiet for a moment. "It was a lot of information. But we didn't think it would upset you, even Alice didn't see your response."

I inhaled the scent of him again, letting it ground me. I slid my arms from around his neck and pushed against him slightly to get up, which he let me do without protest. I could feel his eyes following me as I walked across the room to stand by the windows. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him tense slightly as I neared the glass and below I saw Jasper and Emmett standing on the patio, looking up at my window. Emmett had a warning scowl on his face as if he too thought that I might go against my promise and do something stupid. Apparently they'd forgotten that even if I'd wanted to, and I didn't, I couldn't have done anything. All the windows in our room, possibly all of them in the upper floors of the whole house, were closed and locked with a key that I wasn't privy to the location of.

"It's good to know that you all think I came up here to give you a repeat performance of what happened a couple of days ago," I said as I moved to a section of the glass that was fixed and couldn't be opened so everyone would know that's not what I had been planning.

It took Edward a moment to respond. "I could lie and say you're wrong, but you're not. They're all concerned about that except for Esme. She knew you wouldn't do anything like that."

"What about you?" I asked leaning my forehead against the window and closing my eyes. "What do you think?" After all the talking we'd done in the past couple of days, even the idea that he thought I would try and do something that stupid again hurt like a knife in my heart.

"I trust you," he said and I heard nothing but honesty in his voice. He must have gotten up from the bed because in the next moment I could feel him behind me, our bodies just barely touching. "I think you got overwhelmed and came up here to think."

Relief flooded me at his words and I felt my shoulders relax, but I didn't know how to respond. So I continued to silently press my forehead against the cool glass as my brain mulled over the last few minutes.

His lips brushed my ear. "Please tell me what you're thinking. It's driving me mad not knowing your thoughts right now."

Sighing, I turned and put my arms around him and pressed my cheek against his chest. Almost automatically, his arms went around me and I felt his mouth move across the top of my head. Both things helped give me the ability to put my feelings into words.

"I've wanted to be part of your family for so long," I began squeezing my eyes tightly against the tears that I could feel were trying to gather. "First because of you and then because I came to love each and every person in this family. After not really having much family except Charlie and Renee, being part of a large family was really great."

I could almost sense him wanting to ask a question or say something else, but he remained silent with his hand gently stroking my back.

"But when you all left, I gave up on the hope of that ever happening. So seeing all that information now after everything that's happened, even if it was all forged, including the I.D. cards with my name and 'Cullen' on them was very overwhelming. You've all been so wonderful to me. Downstairs, it almost felt as if my dreams came true all at once." I pressed my face tighter against his chest. "I just had to get out of there before I started crying like a baby."

His arms dropped from around me and his hands slid up to my shoulders to ease me back so he could look at me. "Bella, open your eyes and look at me," he said softly.

Feeling embarrassed, it took me a moment to do as he asked. When my gaze finally met his, he smiled down at me and laid his hand on my cheek. "I love you, Bella, and what's more, my family loves you. I can see it in their minds, remember? You ARE part of this family now. You've captured every one of our hearts, mine most of all. By giving you the book, all we were trying to do was get you to see how much you mean to us."

I couldn't stop the tears now as I looked up at him. At the wonderful vampire... no wonderful man, who stood before me. "I finally beginning to understand that."

Gently, he kissed away the tears trailing down my face and then he pulled back to study me for a long moment. "The book was Alice's idea, Bella. I thought it was a good one, as did the rest of the family, but it's still just a symbol. I'm not with you because of your knowledge of what's inside it. I'm with you because I choose to be, because I choose to share my heart and my life with you. I know that's still a little difficult for you to believe, and book or no book, I can offer you no other guarantee beyond my solemn vow that as long as I exist, I won't leave you again. I know it will take time for you to really believe it, but I know that one day you will and in the meantime, I have no problem telling and showing you as often as you need me to."

His words made my heart and eyes fill with happiness. As usual, talking to him had calmed and clarified things for me. "Thank you for being so patient with me."

"You're worth the wait." He brushed a hand over my cheek. "And I'm here as long as you want me."

"Then I want you forever," I whispered.

Lifting up on my toes, I pressed my mouth to his and jolt of heat went through me as his hand cupped the side of my face and my hands went into his hair. Although we hadn't done much more than hold hands, cuddle in bed, and kiss in the couple of days since I'd begun talking, the physical side of our relationship was starting to become more second nature again and I took the time to let myself revel in it... and him.

TBC...

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><p>Last week, a number of people took a guess at which surprising member of the Cullens was especially upset about Bella's suicide attempt, but I think only one or maybe two correctly said it was Emmett. I just felt that given Emmett's straightforward personality and the fact that he really does see Bella as his little sister, he'd be especially upset about what she tried to do. Oh, and I'm sorry for any goofs when I was describing the <em>Grand Theft Auto<em> video game, I tried to do some research on it, but I've never actually played it.

_**Next week:**_ Carlisle has a long talk with Edward and Bella and more is revealed about what might have motivated some of Bella's recent behavior. See you on Saturday!


	25. Chapter 25

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Well, the upside to me not posting the previous chapter until Monday is that you get this one that much sooner. As always, a huge thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. Real life is crazy right now and I've been an epic fail at trying to respond the feedback and reviews, but please know they are like little drops of heaven to me and I read every one.

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><p><em><strong>Last week:<strong>_ Bella and Emmett had a long discussion about her suicide attempt and about the Cullens leaving her in Forks without word. Once they had all that settled, Emmett challenged her to some _Grand Theft Auto_ (during which she kicked his sparkly butt). Then Alice showed up with a surprise for Bella. Her surprise was what we will simply call "The Binder" and in addition to fake IDs for Bella under the 'Cullen' and 'Masen,' it contained pretty much all the family's financial and contact information she would ever need to know.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 25<strong>_

**CARLISLE**

Darkness was just falling as I pulled into the garage. Turning off the engine, I picked up my briefcase and my medical bag and got out. "Good evening, Rose," I greeted as I passed her working under the hood of one of the cars. With her usual grunt and the wave of a greasy hand, she greeted me back as I went inside.

I walked into the kitchen to find Esme busily slaving over something on the stove. It smelled repugnant to me, but I suspected it was for Bella and I hoped her opinion would be more favorable.

"Hello, darling," I said sliding my arm around Esme's waist and leaning in to kiss her when she looked over her shoulder at me with a smile. "What are you cooking up this evening?"

She smiled. "I'm trying my hand at spaghetti sauce. Bella was going to make it herself but I asked if I could give it a try so she gave me her grandmother's recipe, well at least as much as she remembered of it." She frowned over it slightly. "It looks like spaghetti sauce I've seen on television, but I have no idea if it actually tastes right or not. I hate to have Bella be the guinea pig if it's bad."

I wrinkled my nose. "Well, it smells terrible."

My lovely wife shot me a raised eyebrow. "Thank you for the support, honey."

I kissed her cheek. "Just an observation, my love, not a comment on your cooking ability," I clarified. She didn't need me to remind her that all human food smelled and tasted awful to us.

She gave me a bemused smile. "You couldn't lie to me this one time?"

"No, that would be unethical," I teased.

"In that case, get out of my kitchen before I brain you with this big spoon," she said brandishing the large metal spoon she'd been using to stir the sauce.

Not wanting spaghetti sauce in my hair, I chose to retreat. So, after giving her another quick kiss, I walked into the living room and studied the scene before me. The missing members of the family were all seated around the large television. Bella was reading something on her tablet and Alice was drawing something on a sketch pad as Emmett, Jasper and Edward were playing a game with rather loud explosions on the Playstation.

Alice and Bella looked up as they greeted me. "Hi, Carlisle."

As for the boys, they were too wrapped up in their game to do much more than mutter, "Hey, Carlisle," without looking away from the action on the screen.

"Good evening everyone," I greeted back.

As I watched them and thought of Rose working in the garage and Esme in the kitchen, I experienced of a moment of... utter peace and contentment. Now that Edward and Bella were back together and Bella seemed to be on the path to recovery, our family was whole again and nothing could have made me happier.

I almost hated to break the moment to signal to Edward that I wanted to talk to him. Hearing my thoughts, Edward let his character be killed off and then he rose and walked over to me.

I continued to speak to him mentally rather than verbally. _"Son, I'd like to talk to you about Bella. As you know, I've been doing some research and I think I've come up with some things to partially explain her behavior during the time she's been here."_

Edward frowned and stared at me for a moment. Then he turned back toward where everyone was sitting. "Bella?" he called softly.

She looked up from her tablet. "Yes?"

"Carlisle has something to talk to the two of us about. Would you like to meet with us in his study?"

Frowning a little in what I'm sure was confusion, Bella set her tablet aside and rose. "Of course," she replied walking over to us.

"_Are you sure you don't want to talk to me in private before we talk to Bella?" _I mentally asked.

When Bella was by his side, he took her hand and then turned back to me. "No, this concerns Bella too and I promised her that I wouldn't keep anything from her. I'd prefer you discuss your findings with both of us."

I could understand his reasoning and saw no reason to argue, I'd only originally suggested talking to him alone so that we could discuss the best way to approach Bella with what I'd learned. But I could see that Edward was determined to meet things head on, which I could appreciate.

The three of us walked to my study and the two of them sat down in my visitor chairs and I sat down behind my desk and folded my hands in front of me.

When I spoke, I tried to keep my voice professional, but not detached. "Bella, you may not be aware of this and I hope you don't feel that I was being presumptuous, but in the past couple of days, I've been doing some research into a number of things that I suspect might have fed into your distress and contributed to your suicide attempt."

Bella glanced at Edward and took his hand in hers as if to gather some strength. "Go on," she said cautiously.

"Some of the behaviors I observed in you, especially on the day of your suicide attempt, started me thinking and remembering some of what I remember from the psychology classes I took in medical school," I told her. "Now, I'm no mental health expert, but after conducting my research and asking a few basic questions of some colleagues that are more well-versed in such matters, and without violating any doctor patient confidentiality between us, I now believe that you are suffering from some form of..."

I watched Edward's expression tighten as he picked the next words out of my mind. He knew I was doing some research regarding Bella's suicide attempt, but not the exact direction my research had taken and I had tried to keep it out of my mind whenever I was home so as not to worry him.

"...post-traumatic stress disorder."

My gaze shifted to Bella as I spoke the words aloud to see her reaction. Her look was blank for a moment and then changed into one of confusion. "Post-traumatic stress disorder...?" she repeated. "I thought only soldiers or people with dangerous jobs like the police got that."

I shook my head. "No, while those in the military and in other professions where risk of life and limb is frequent do have increased instances of it, anyone from young children to the elderly can get it. In the most basic terms, post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD as it's commonly called, is an anxiety disorder made up of two components. First, the affected person must have suffered a risk of serious injury or death, to themselves or others and second, they must have had a response to the event that involved feeling intense fear, horror, or helplessness."

I could see the wheels turning in Bella's head as she considered my words. I saw her fingers grip Edward's hand even tighter. "I guess I would qualify for both those things," she said softly.

I nodded. "You've spoken a number of times about feeling helpless and afraid the entire time you were in the hospital."

I pulled a couple of papers from my briefcase and laid them on the desk in front of me. "This is a 'Trauma Screening Questionnaire' – it's a standard form used to help identify those at risk for or suffering from PTSD. There are ten yes or no questions on it and none of them are invasive or embarrassing. Do you mind if we go through them?"

Bella glanced at Edward and then back to me. "No, of course not, go ahead."

I gave her one other tidbit of information before we started. "Answer 'yes' if you've felt what is described in the questions at least twice in the past week and answer 'no' if you haven't felt what is described at least twice in the last week."

"I understand," she told me.

"Have you had upsetting thoughts or memories about the event that have come into your mind against your will?"

"No, I..." she closed her mouth, pressing her lips tightly together, then she spoke again. "Yes, just for brief moments, but yes."

Edward frowned at her and I could tell he wanted to say something, but he remained wisely silent as I checked off the yes box and I moved onto the next question. "Have you had upsetting dreams about the event?"

This time she didn't hesitate. "Yes, but they are getting fewer."

I nodded and moved on. "Have you acted or felt like the initial event were happening again?"

She frowned a little. "Well..." she trailed off as she considered. "...I'm not sure how to answer that. I mean I haven't felt that way about..." her voice faulted. "...about him, the man that attacked me, but the day I tried to kill myself I thought you were going to send me away again, does that count?"

I smiled at her for being honest and thoughtful in her answer. "But you only felt that way that one time in the last week, correct?"

"Yes."

"Well, my understanding is that you have to have felt that way twice in the last week and I think it bodes well that you haven't had any feelings like that with regard to your attacker, so we'll mark that question as 'no'."

She nodded and looked a little relieved that she'd had at least one 'no' answer so I moved onto the next question.

"Have you had any bodily reactions such as fast heartbeat, stomach churning, sweatiness, dizziness or other related symptoms when reminded of the event?"

"Yes."

Checking the box, I read the next question. "Have you had difficulty falling or staying asleep?"

I didn't even need to wait for her to answer that one and I was checking off 'Yes' before she even finished saying the word. Everyone in the house knew about her issues with sleeping.

"Have you been irritable or had outbursts of anger?"

"Well, if you consider board game throwing and writing on the wall in crayon, an outburst of anger, I'd have to say yes," she retorted sarcastically. Then she sighed. "And I guess that little tirade just now was another one, so again, I'd have to say 'yes'."

I nodded. "We're almost done, Bella, there just three more questions."

She sighed. "Okay, bring them on."

"Have you had difficulty concentrating?"

Bella thought about it before she answered. "I guess, sometimes, but I think it's getting better too."

I smiled at her encouragingly. "Good. Now have you felt a heightened awareness of potential dangers to yourself or others?"

Her answer for that one was not long in coming. "No, not really; not in the last week. The last time I felt anything like that was when Jasper and Emmett came after Edward."

"All right. Last question, have you experienced feelings of being jumpy or being easily startled?"

She sighed. "Not to sound like a broken record, but yes; although again, it's getting better."

Marking the last question appropriately, I looked over the sheet, tallying the answers and making sure that I understood how to grade the final result.

"Well, again, I'm not a mental health professional, but if I understand how this form works, usually six or more 'yes' answers out of the ten questions on the questionnaire indicates a diagnosis of PTSD," I glanced from Bella to Edward and then back to Bella again. "You scored eight out of ten."

Bella locked eyes with Edward. "I guess that means I have it then," she said quietly. "Guess I'm more screwed up than even I realized."

"You're not screwed up," Edward reassured her. He lifted their linked hands to his lips and kissed her hand. "And I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together."

I hated to interrupt the moment they appeared to be having, but I felt it was important for me to get more information. "Bella? The day of your suicide attempt, Edward told me that you seemed to have an especially bad nightmare and that when you woke up you seemed very much out of sorts. Is that true?"

She looked back at me and nodded. "It was somewhat different than the others and even after I woke up, I couldn't seem to get the images out of my head and I felt very anxious."

"I know you didn't want to talk about your nightmare at the time, but could you tell me about it now?"

She glanced at Edward and he seemed to sense that the dream might have been about him. "It's okay, love, you can tell us."

"I... I just..." She stumbled over the words. "...I don't want to hurt you."

Gently, he kissed her hand again. "I know you don't, but it's important that we know the details."

She stared at him for a long time as if trying to decide what she should and shouldn't say and then she looked back to me. "A lot of it has faded now, but I remember it was cold and very dark. Then it started out like a lot of my nightmares do..." She glanced at Edward and then pulled their clasped hands into her lap. "... with a variation of what happened in the forest when Edward left me."

Edward visibly flinched and looked away, shame written all over his features. I could see he tried to pull his hand away from Bella's but she stubbornly refused to let it go as she continued. "But that's when it changed. I started to follow his voice through the forest, but when I came around a bend in the path, someone was there." She visibly swallowed. "Someone not Edward. I think..." her voice caught a little, snapping Edward out of the guilt ridden moment he appeared to be having. "...I think it was the man from the hospital. The one who... attacked me. He was huge and... I couldn't move."

Her breathing had picked up and before I could say anything, Edward was way ahead of me as he lifted her from her chair, pulled her into his lap, and began stroking her back. "It's okay, love, just breathe slowly. He can't hurt you anymore. You're safe."

I saw her body relax and her breathing calm as she seemed to take comfort in his words and in the proximity of her body to his. She pressed her face to his throat for a moment and then turned back to me. "I've dreamt of him before, but usually he didn't talk to me and when he appeared in other dreams I would just feel blinding pain and then wake up. But this time he talked to me." She shuddered slightly. "I have to say I liked it better when he didn't speak."

I didn't want to pressure her too hard if she wasn't ready. "Do you want to take a break, Bella?"

"No, I'm okay," she said pressing her face against Edward and taking a couple more deep breaths, before lifting her head to look at me again. "I don't remember his exact words, but I know I was terrified because he said something like he was going to kill me and no one was going to be there to save me. He reached for me and I think I screamed and then I woke up in Edward's arms."

I nodded. "And how did you feel after you woke up?

"Well, like I said, I felt really anxious, jittery even, almost like I was coming out of my own skin," she told me. "I kept telling myself to calm down or I tried to distract myself but it only seemed to make things worse."

"Go on," I prompted.

"Everything seemed to annoy or irritate me," she said. "Edward asking how I was, you asking me how I was, Esme making me a beautiful breakfast that I had no appetite for, and you guys talking about what you were going to do that day even though I knew I'd be sitting up in my room alone. I was also paranoid when things got really quiet in the kitchen and I was pretty sure Edward was reading your mind and the topic of the mental discussion was me."

I sighed. "I'm sorry about that, Bella. We were trying not to upset you any more than we thought you already were."

Bella nodded and gave me a little smile. "I know that now, but then, well, I wasn't exactly being rational."

Then she looked up at Edward, her expression guilty. "I was even angry that the three of you were talking about Edward playing the piano again. Well, I'm not sure 'angry' is even the right term. Actually it was all I could do not to run screaming from the room at the idea."

Edward frowned down at her. "Why would that bother you, love? I thought you liked to hear me play."

The guilt in her expression intensified. "I did, Edward...I do. It's just that..." she swallowed.

"Go on, love," he gently urged. "Whatever you have to say, it's all right."

I could smell her tears before I saw them glisten in her eyes as she spoke to him directly. "When you left, I couldn't bear to hear music. Any music. I destroyed most of my CDs and gave away my iPod," she sniffled as the first tear spilled over. "I even tore the new stereo Emmett got me for my birthday out of my truck. It was physically painful to hear music because it reminded me so much of you." She swallowed then rushed on. "Sometimes I'd even hear you playing in my nightmares. And that day in the kitchen, things still weren't resolved between us, so even the thought of you playing something was unbearable to me."

Edward gathered her close and kissed at the tears that had begun to trail down her cheeks. "It's all right, love, if it makes you sad, I won't play ever again."

"No!" she said shaking her head emphatically. "I do want to hear you play again, I swear," she said sniffling. "I just need a little more time."

He kissed her temple. "Take all the time you need."

Handing her a tissue, I gave them a moment before I moved on. "Bella, can you tell me what happened after the time in the kitchen when Edward went upstairs to see you?"

She blew her nose and wiped her eyes. "I went upstairs and tried to do something on my tablet but I couldn't find anything that I wanted to do. That feeling of coming out of my own skin was getting worse and that's when Edward showed up." She looked up at him as she spoke. "I didn't want him there but he seemed determined to spend time with me. He talked me into cards and then Scrabble, which actually calmed me down a little. Then he asked me why someone had to carry me out of the woods when he'd left me just inside the tree line near my house and it was like something inside me snapped."

Bella bowed her head in shame and Edward pressed his lips to her temple. "I was so angry I could hardly see." She swallowed and tears filled her voice again. "It gets a little fuzzy from there. I remember spelling something out with the Scrabble tiles, but not what. The next thing I remembered was staring at the wall and seeing what I'd written in crayon."

She turned to me, her eyes pleading. "You have to know how horrified I was, Carlisle. It was like waking up from a nightmare. I never thought I would be capable of something like that."

I nodded. "I know, Bella, it's all right. In my opinion, you had little control over your actions at that point."

"I just ran, if the bathroom had been bigger or if it had connected to another room, I would have run even further. I thought I was coming apart mentally and physically. It was hard to breathe and my chest hurt, there were grey spots in my vision and my hands and feet were tingling."

I nodded. "You were most likely hyperventilating," I told her.

"I was just beginning to calm down a little when Edward broke in and found me in the shower. I think you know the rest from there." I could see she was trying pull away from Edward, but he only gathered her closer.

I watched them for a moment, letting Bella collect herself. "Thank you, Bella, I know how hard that was for you to talk about," I said. "But it definitely strengthens the PTSD diagnosis. I think that the day of your suicide attempt, you were in the midst of a profound PTSD episode. I suspect that your especially vivid nightmare was partially a flashback and it put things in motion that would eventually lead to your suicide attempt.

"Your irritation, anger, paranoia, and to a degree your inability to think rationally about the situation you found yourself in are classic examples of what can happen during an episode. Under normal circumstances, Edward's innocent question about why you hadn't gone right home after he left would not be incendiary or upsetting, but in the midst of your episode, it was deeply disturbing."

Guilt flooded Edward's face. "So, you're saying that my question was the thing that ultimately sent her over the edge?"

Bella answered before I could. "No, Edward, it wasn't you. It was me," she laid her hand on his cheek. "I wildly overreacted."

"No, Edward," I agreed. "I was not trying to blame you; I was merely using your question to illustrate that Bella was already on a very short fuse. You had no idea that she would react in the way she did. I believe that what happened to her was the cumulative affect of a number things, both internal and external, her nightmare being the touchstone event."

Leaning back in my chair, I steepled my fingers thoughtfully. "I have also been thinking about the possibility that the roots of your PTSD may even go back further than your recent time at the hospital in Florida."

Edward frowned and I didn't know if he'd figured the answer out for himself or picked it out of my thoughts. "James?" he said. "That hadn't even occurred to me."

"James!" Bella exclaimed in surprise.

I nodded. "I suspect that at least on some level, your traumatic experience with James in Phoenix may have planted the seed for your PTSD and your time in the hospital in Florida made it worse. What happened with James was definitely a life threatening event, you must have felt helpless, and it wasn't all that long ago. Both events happened within the last year."

I paused a moment as I watched both Bella and Edward think about that. "Tell me, Bella, have you ever had flashbacks or nightmares of that night in the dance studio when James tried to kill you?"

Slowly, she nodded. "I had some pretty bad nightmares in the beginning, but not for a while now."

"Well, then, I think that supports my hypothesis."

Neither Bella nor Edward seemed to know what to say to that as they stared at each other for a long time. Then Bella managed to give him a small smile before she turned back to me. "Can PTSD be treated?"

I nodded. "Absolutely. There are a number of ways to treat it. Due to the fact that each person's mental make up is different, they've had different experiences, and therefore react differently, my research indicates that the most effective treatment is tailored to the specific individual. You're age will also be a factor."

"How so?" Bella asked.

"While there are different components to treatment, one of the easiest and most direct methods is medicating the patient with anti-anxiety or anti-depressant drugs."

"No, I don't want drugs," Bella said and I wasn't a bit surprised by her vehement response. "They filled me full of drugs when I went to live with Renee and then in the hospital. They never helped and only left me feeling confused and emotionally smothered, plus I don't want to take anything I might become addicted to."

"I suspected you'd feel that way. There's also the fact that your age makes giving them to you a grey area and could conceivably make things worse, which is what I think happened when you were in the hospital. That's what I meant when I said your age is a factor."

"Carlisle? What are the alternative therapies?" Edward asked.

"Actually, Bella's already started one of them all on her own. Cognitive behavioral therapy is usually the next most accepted method of treatment."

Bella frowned. "Cognitive behavioral therapy? What's that?"

"Basically, it's talking about the incident and working through issues related to the trauma rather than suppressing the event or the feelings related to it. The idea is that PTSD is more pronounced when the patient represses or suppresses the traumatic events. Given the events after your suicide attempt and the resulting discussions you've had with Esme, Edward, myself and the rest of the family, I believe that you're already helping yourself to heal just by talking about what you remember from your time in the hospital and what you're feeling. When we were going over the items on the questionnaire, you even said that while you were answering yes to those questions you thought that your symptoms were much better now than a couple of days ago."

Bella nodded. "Yes, that's true. It's a little hard to describe, but it's like I'm more settled inside... quieter... calmer."

I smiled at her. "Then that's a definite step in the right direction. And I think having things more positively resolved between the two of you personally is of the greatest importance. Given your mating bond, being secure in your relationship helps you feel more secure in general, which will also help with Bella's PTSD."

"Mating bond?" Edward asked in surprise. "I didn't think vampires could form a mating bond with a human."

"Mating bond?" Bella echoed almost at the same time. "What's that?"

It occurred to me then that Esme and I had been the ones to talk about their mating bond and that we hadn't actually discussed the idea with Edward or Bella.

I answered Bella's question first. "When vampires find their life mates, it's a powerful connection. I found it myself with Esme, just as Rose and Alice have found it with Emmett and Jasper. Generally, the connection is so deep that it is difficult for the mated pair to be apart for any length of time without feeling some level of pain or discomfort. It's also usually for life. While some vampires can go on to lead fulfilling lives when they lose a mate to a final death, more often than not they either go insane or become suicidal."

I looked at Edward. "As to your question, while I've never heard of a human and a vampire developing a mating bond, I just don't see any other explanation for what you and Bella share, Edward. Its part of the reason that I believe your leaving was so hard on both of you, but especially on Bella." I looked at her. "Bella, you told me that while Edward was gone that any time you'd think of him you had chest pains, correct?"

She glanced up at Edward and I could see she was reluctant to say what was on her mind.

"Go ahead, Bella," Edward said gently.

Bella studied him for a moment and then looked at me. "I don't think it was the same feeling someone would have when they're having a heart attack, it was more like I had an open, gaping wound in my chest. Almost as if someone had ripped out my heart but hadn't closed the wound afterward."

Edward kissed her temple. "I'm sorry, love," he murmured.

"And Edward, after you lost Victoria's trail, didn't you say you couldn't concentrate, to the point that you almost couldn't hunt?"

Edward stroked Bella's back as he nodded. "Yes, it was very difficult to do much more than stare at the wall. There were even periods when time passed and I had no sense of it doing so."

I watched as Bella tangled her fingers loosely in his hair in what I had come to learn was a comforting gesture and it warmed my soul to see them so comfortable with each other again.

"It's just as I suspected. The separation affected you both on a very deep, fundamental level. In addition, to the open wound feeling in Bella's chest, you both suffered from a mental malaise that left you both nearly anorexic and Bella practically mute. In Bella's case the medication she was being given and her time in the hospital made things worse as did the simple fact that she's still human."

"Why does being human matter?" Bella asked.

"You're body isn't as durable as Edward's is so it stands to reason that you would feel the separation that much more acutely."

What I didn't say was that if I was right and what they felt was a mating bond, if Bella should someday be changed, the bond would only grow stronger... stronger than any mating bond I'd ever seen. Edward must have heard the idea in my thoughts because his eyes flashed up to mine but he didn't comment.

"I'm just sorry that I didn't figure this out sooner," I said pressing on. "If I had known that the two of you shared this bond, Edward, I never would have agreed to your plan to leave Bella."

"It's not your fault, Carlisle, it was my ill-conceived plan," Edward said. "Even without the mating bond, I was insane and deluded to think I could be without her."

Bella pressed her face against his neck. "It's all right, I'm never letting you go anywhere without me again."

I felt a bit like a voyeur as I watched them. While they weren't doing anything overly suggestive, the way they touched each other and interacted was very... intimate.

I cleared my throat. "Back to the subject of your PTSD, Bella. I believe the best way to manage it is to keep doing what you're doing. Anytime you have another nightmare like you did a few days ago don't suppress the urge to talk about it. Or if you feel the need to talk about what happened to you when you were with James or after we left you in Forks or when you were in the hospital, don't hesitate to seek one of us out. I'm sure that anyone in the family would be willing to listen and talk things through with you."

"Me most of all," Edward said, kissing her temple and making her smile softly.

"I would also recommend that you take steps to manage your stress as excessive stress can increase your chances of having an episode. Meditation and even some form of exercise like yoga are just two ways you can do that. I've got a number of books on both topics here in my library or I'm sure you can download some to your tablet. We could also purchase some appropriate exercise DVDs if you'd like to try that and I think you can even get programs for use on our video game system."

Bella lifted her head from Edward's shoulder so she could look at me. "Well, I'm not sure I'm coordinated enough for yoga, but I guess I could give it a try."

"Yoga is just a suggestion, I only recommended it because many say that it combines both exercise and meditation, but any form of exercise would be good as long as you don't overdo it."

She nodded. "Okay."

"If you should feel like you're having another episode and you're not able to calm yourself down, would you be open to using medication at that point to help? Not a heavy sedative mind you, but more like something short term like valium that will still leave you awake and aware but will help calm you down or keep you calm?" She frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but I added something before she could. "It would be completely voluntary, of course, as I promised a few days ago, I won't give you anything without your consent."

Her frown eased and I could see that I'd answered some of Bella's fears. "Yes, I'd consider the short term meds if things got to that point again, but now that I know some of what I'm up against, I hope I'll be able to avoid getting there in the first place."

"We all hope that," I told her honestly.

"In any case, you don't have to do it alone," Edward said giving her a squeeze. "We're all here to help you."

Just then a knock sounded at my door and a moment later, Esme stuck her head in the room. "Bella, dinner's ready whenever you'd like to eat."

"Thank you," she said giving Esme a smile. "Even with just my human senses it smells wonderful."

"I hope I did your grandmother's recipe justice."

"I'm sure you did," Bella replied as she hoisted herself out of Edward's lap and got to her feet. "And surprisingly, I find myself kind of hungry." I didn't have to be a doctor to know that a healthy appetite was always a good sign.

She had started to walk out, but then paused and turned back to me. "Thank you, Carlisle, for talking to me, to us, about all this. While I don't want PTSD, knowing I have it is better than thinking I'm just plain going crazy."

"If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask," I encouraged. "If I don't know the answer then I will find out."

"I'll be along in a minute," Edward told her. She gave him a momentary look then nodded and walked out with Esme.

Edward and I waited a few moments before speaking. "What's on your mind, son?"

"What can I do to help her with the PTSD, Carlisle?" he asked, the concern he'd suppressed while Bella was there showing clearly on his face.

Long ago I'd learned that my adopted son was the consummate fixer when it came to things and those he cared about. It was a wonderful trait, but it could also be a heavy burden as he put a lot on his own shoulders.

Rising from my chair I walked around my desk and laid my hand on his shoulder. "Well, Edward, we can only do so much for her, a lot of her healing is going to be up to Bella. I think the best thing you can do for her is to do what you're already doing, love and support her in any way you can and make sure she knows that you're not leaving her again. No matter how bad of a day she has or how much she tries to pick a fight because she doesn't want to talk about what's really bothering her, reassure her that you're not going anywhere. I think abandonment is her greatest fear at this point. And don't let her get away with saying she's 'fine' when you don't think she is. She needs to talk about what she's thinking and feeling. She also has a habit of pulling in her emotions when she's upset and she tends to put other peoples needs, both emotional and physical ahead of her own and we need to get her to be a little more selfish about speaking up for her own needs and wants."

"Well, I won't leave her no matter how difficult she is, so that won't be an issue." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "But you're absolutely right about her putting others' needs ahead of her own. That's definitely something she needs to work on and I intend to see she does just that."

TBC...

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><p>The PTSD diagnosis might not have come as a shock to a lot of you, but I felt it was necessary to show what has been motivating a lot of Bella's more unstable behavior.<p>

_**Next Week: **_Bella tries out Esme's spaghetti sauce and she considers what to do about Charlie and Renee and going back to her old life (I know a lot of you have been asking about this). See you then!


	26. Chapter 26

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and left me reviews. You're reviews and support mean everything to me.

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><p><em><strong>Last week: <strong>_Bella, Edward and Carlisle had a long talk about Bella and it was Carlisle's conclusion that she was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and that was at least in part what has been driving Bella's behavior. Bella vowed to do whatever she could to get better and stay in control and Edward pledged to help her. Esme called Bella to dinner while Edward stayed behind to talk to Carlisle.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 26<strong>_

**BELLA**

A tiny, paranoid voice inside me tried to gain traction by saying that maybe I shouldn't leave Edward and Carlisle alone because they were probably talking about me and I should be worried, but I told it to be quiet. Rationally, I knew that I shouldn't be suspicious if Edward wasn't by my side every second of the day and that Edward relied heavily on Carlisle's council. Even if they were talking about me, it was likely they were discussing the best way to help me and although I hated being made a fuss over, I could appreciate the effort on their parts. If things were going to work with me and Edward, I was going to have to start having a little more faith in him.

Esme and I walked into the kitchen where I found a number of things sitting on the stove, waiting for me to sample.

"Sit down and I'll fix you a plate," Esme instructed excitedly.

Nowadays I cooked for myself about half the time, but it was cute to see how much Esme had gotten into cooking and so she cooked for me the rest of the time. Besides the broths and other soups she'd gotten pretty adept at making, for the most part her cooking skills had leaned more toward reheating things from cans, using the microwave, and putting together cold sandwiches for me, although I had to admit she also made a pretty mean grilled cheese sandwich.

I settled myself at the kitchen bar where I usually ate and waited as she plated everything up. First the noodles and then the sauce, then she added some steamed broccoli she'd made and a piece of grilled garlic toast. When she set the steaming plate in front of me, I grinned at her.

"I know I'm eating again, Esme, but there is enough food here for a linebacker," I teased.

She waved her hand at me as she headed for the fridge. "Only eat what you're comfortable with, dear. If you like it, I made plenty so we can put whatever is leftover in the fridge or the freezer for you to have another day. What would you like to drink?"

"Do we have any Gatorade left?" Originally, I was going to ask for water, but remembered that Carlisle had recently suggested I try drinking Gatorade or some other kind of sports drink to keep me hydrated and for the extra calories and electrolytes.

From the depths of the fridge she grinned over her shoulder at me. "Only about four different flavors," she said and rattled them off for me. She pulled my choice out of the fridge and brought it and the parmesan cheese over to the bar.

Picking up my fork and knife, I cut up some of the spaghetti and took a bite. I was prepared to pretend to enjoy it even if it was bad, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was good; really good actually.

"Well?" she asked expectantly.

I grinned at her. "It's delicious."

She grinned from ear to ear. "Really? You're not just saying that to avoid hurting my feelings?"

"No, it's great," I said taking an even bigger bite. "You really did justice to my grandmother's recipe."

"Oh, I'm so glad! It's so hard to cook when I can't taste what I'm making."

"Well, I think you made it better than I did," I told her.

She waved a hand at me. "I'm sure it's not that good, but it's nice of you to say so."

My gaze lingered on hers for a moment, my expression and my words sincere. "Thank you for going to so much trouble, Esme," I told her quietly. "Especially since you don't even get to eat the fruit of your labors."

She reached across the bar and patted my hand. "It was no trouble. It makes me feel very domestic and you know I enjoy doing things for my family."

Warmth blossomed in my chest at her words which implied that I was included in her idea of family. Even though they'd been trying to drum it into my head since I got here, I was finally beginning to believe it.

Turning, she surveyed the stove. "Well, I better get things put away."

"I can help you when I'm finished," I offered, before taking in another large forkful of spaghetti.

She smiled. "Don't worry about it, just enjoy your dinner."

I watched her bustle around the kitchen, putting away the leftovers and I thought back to how different the meals I had now were from the meals I'd had with Renee and Charlie. Renee had been hopeless in the kitchen so I'd begun cooking out of self-defense and when she was done eating, she'd always been off to work on some new project or hobby she was involved in and so I was left to clean up. Then with Charlie, I'd cooked because beyond fish, things that could be grilled or cooked in a microwave, Charlie's culinary skill was only as good as what he could order at the diner. And after dinner, he was usually tired or there was a game on that he wanted to watch so, as with Renee, I would generally clean up afterward.

It wasn't that I begrudged either Charlie or Renee for leaving me to cook and clean mostly on my own, after all, I'd all but volunteered to do both and just as Esme had said it made her feel domestic, it made me feel useful and domestic as well, but meals were definitely a different experience now. When Esme cooked, I tried to clean as much as I could but she often beat me to it and when I cooked for myself she insisted on cleaning. Part of me wanted to feel like she was taking something away from me or that I wasn't being useful, but to be honest, it was nice to be a bit pampered. For one of the first times in my life, I had begun to feel like someone was taking care of me on a parent-child level rather than the other way around. What I found more than a little surprising was the fact that the change in roles made me feel cherished and grateful rather than resentful.

Taking a bite of broccoli, I frowned down at my plate as I thought of Charlie and Renee. What was I going to do about them? In the couple of days since my suicide attempt, I'd been giving them more and more thought. Edward told me what he'd heard in Charlie's thoughts when he'd gone to Forks to find me and what he'd overheard in the phone conversation between Charlie and Renee and it made me feel guilty for how hard they were taking my disappearance.

I didn't blame either of them for what had happened to me. In my mind, they'd done what they thought was best for me and it wasn't their fault that it had gone badly. Now that I'd had a little time and distance from those dark days, I could see and acknowledge how badly I'd handled things and how broken I'd been. I wish I'd been stronger back then if for no other reason than that I had worried them so badly, but I had to face the fact that it was too late to change what had happened and the question now was what to do going forward.

"Love? What's wrong?" Edward asked quietly as he slid onto the stool next to me and Carlisle went to stand by Esme.

My first instinct was to say nothing was wrong, but in keeping with Carlisle's suggestion to not hold anything back, I told them the truth. "I've been thinking about Charlie and Renee. They must be really worried about me being gone for so long, especially if they think I've been kidnapped."

Edward's expression was grave. "Yes, I imagine they are."

"I'm just not sure what to do about them. I want to let them know I'm okay so they don't worry, but I can't just call them and say, 'hey I'm fine don't wait up for me'."

Esme nodded as I took another bite of garlic bread. "And we certainly can't take you back to Washington or Florida with us without generating questions," she pointed out.

"Right, you guys can move anywhere, including back to Forks, but not with me in tow. I suppose that I could magically show up at some rest stop somewhere and pretend to have no memory of what happened to me from the time I left the hospital until I was found or something like or make up a story like I'd been held in a remote cabin during the last few months and I can't remember where it is." I sighed. "But you know what a terrible liar I am. I have a feeling that I wouldn't do well if I had to try and stick to some kind of story."

I sighed and pushed my plate away, I'd made a pretty big dent in what Esme had given me, but any remaining appetite I'd had was gone now. "There are also a few other things to consider."

"What's that, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I took Edward's hand. "I'm not going to be separated from you again." I looked at Esme and Carlisle. "Any of you. And I have a feeling that even if we make up some brilliant story and I can stick to it and we all go back to our lives in Forks, Charlie is not going to be thrilled about me seeing Edward again. Knowing Charlie, he will hold a grudge and blame you..." Not wanting to hurt Edward, I struggled for the right words. "...well, for everything that happened to me."

"He'd be right to blame me, Bella," Edward said guiltily as he stared down at our linked hands.

My heart ached for him and I knew he still blamed himself for what happened, but I needed to show him that I did not blame him. I gave his hand a squeeze. "I'd like to think we're past placing any blame over what happened. We need to focus on the here and now and what happens next."

"She's right, Edward," Carlisle put in.

"However, that being said, I don't think Charlie will see it that way. And if he doesn't, he'll probably forbid me to see you outside of school."

"It would only be for a few months, Bella," Edward commented. "We'd still see each other at school and I could still sneak into your room at night. Then we could go off to college in the fall and he couldn't do anything about us seeing each other."

I didn't even have to think about my answer. "No, I don't want to go back to not being able to see you when I want to." Trying to decide if I should be hurt that he was suggesting it was okay that he would have limited contact with me for months on end, I looked at him for a long moment. "Is that really what you want?"

His answer was immediate and it made my insides unclench. "No, that's not what I want at all. Anything that keeps me away from you is unacceptable," he said squeezing my hand back. "I'm just trying to find some temporary compromise that we can all live with."

We were all quiet as we mulled that over. What I wanted to say... what was on the tip of my tongue to say was maybe it would be better if I just never went back to Charlie and Renee. I knew that Edward would never change me and I would never again ask, but if I was going to stay with him and the Cullen's permanently then eventually we'd have to fake my death anyway. Maybe it would be better all the way around if we closed the chapter on my life as Charlie and Renee's daughter sooner rather than later; given my habit of attracting disaster, it would probably be safer for my parents anyway.

"Then maybe I shouldn't go back at all," I murmured.

Carlisle and Esme exchanged a surprised look. "But I thought you didn't want to leave them hanging." Edward said.

"I don't," I replied. "I was thinking more along the lines of faking my death or something like that. I hate making them think I died and I wish I could tell them that I don't blame them for what happened to me, but at least if I 'died' it would give them some closure and they wouldn't be wondering what had happened to me."

"Bella, even if we fake your death I'm not sure how much closure they're going to get if they don't at least have some kind of a story about what happened to you over these months," Carlisle pointed out. "Most likely, they'll keep blaming themselves for your death if you can't give them some kind of absolution. And being in law enforcement, Chief Swan might also make it his mission in life to dig deeper into your supposed death to find out what really happened. If he does that, we risk him finding some flaw in our planning."

My heart sank a little. He was right. Charlie might very well do that. He could be very tenacious when it came to his job. Combine that with any foul play he might see in my 'death' and it could mean big trouble.

"Maybe I could leave behind a journal or something that would..."

"I've got it!" Esme blurted excitedly cutting us off.

"Got what?" I asked.

"I know how we can separate your life from your parents without 'killing' you, while still giving you an opportunity to tell them you're okay and that you don't blame them for what happened," she said with a grin. "My idea would even give them a story for where you've been for the last few months that you'd only have to tell once so you wouldn't have to worry about keeping the story straight in the future."

"Sounds almost too good to be true," Carlisle said. "What's your idea?"

I wanted to know too. But before she could say anything further I saw Edward start to nod and his face went from serious to hopeful as he must have heard her thoughts before she'd been able to speak them.

"That's brilliant, Esme," he said.

As the two people in the room that hadn't been in on their mental conversation, Carlisle and I exchanged a look and then shifted our gazes back to Esme. "Could you please let me and Carlisle in on the secret?" I pleaded. "What's this fabulous idea?"

Esme began to explain exactly what she'd been thinking and I had to agree with Edward; her idea really was brilliant. While I hated lying to my parents, I wouldn't have to fake my death and I'd be able to send them a detailed message to give them closure. It would ensure that they could go on with their lives without me and I seriously doubted that they would question it much if at all. As an added bonus, I think it would make Charlie take me off the missing person's list so I could finally leave the house and show my face in public again.

The only obvious drawback was that I'd most likely never see Charlie or Renee ever again. The thought of which made me incredibly sad, but if I wanted to stay with Edward and the Cullens, I had to acknowledge that in the long run it would be for the best. It was a tradeoff I was willing to make, especially if I was able to give Charlie and Renee a bit of closure in the process.

"Bella?" Esme said trying to get my attention.

I shook myself from the melancholy thoughts that had closed over me. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked what you thought of my idea?"

"Oh... it's fine," I said trying to sound convincing.

Edward squeezed my hand. "If you don't feel comfortable with it, Bella, we can think of something else."

I looked at him and then back to Esme and sighed. "No, it really is a good really idea. I hate lying to my parents, but given all that's happened and the fact that I've already put them through so much, I think Esme's idea would be the best way."

Esme gave me an understanding smile. "What about you, Carlisle?" she asked. "What do you think?"

He nodded. "It's unanimous, I think it's the best course of action at this point. We should probably get started right away so we don't leave your parents hanging any longer than necessary. Alice will need to pick up a few things for us."

"Oh, I meant to ask, where is Alice anyway?"

"Where else? Shopping," Esme said with a grin. "When she heard Carlisle suggest yoga and exercise to help with your stress levels, she went out to get some things for you."

Edward chuckled. "Knowing Alice, I imagine she's already seen our conversation and will be picking up the things we need to make Esme's plan work as well."

My heart swelled a bit as I looked at the three of them. They could have fought for me to go back to Forks and live with Charlie while being semi-separated from Edward and probably the rest of them, but instead they were determined to do what would help me stay with them while still helping my parents adjust to my absence. It was yet another tangible reminder of their acceptance of me as a permanent fixture into their family and it meant everything to me.

I smiled at Esme and Carlisle and squeezed Edward's hand. "Okay, let's do it."

TBC...

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><p>Sorry this chapter is so short. Life has gotten crazy for me. I'm in the process of trying to sell my house and so my writing time has been limited.<p>

_**Next week:**_ We see things from Charlie's point of view and we find out exactly what Esme's plan entails. We also catch up with a certain red headed vampire to see what she's up to. See you then!


	27. Chapter 27

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

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><p><em><strong>Last week: <strong>_Bella tried out Esme's cooking while they talked about what to do regarding Bella's decision to return or not return to Charlie and/or Renee. Esme had an idea and the four of them decided to so with it.

_**Author's note:**_ I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that I took a lot of artistic license with the description of the mental health facility/hospital I portrayed in this story. I meant it to be the worst of the worst and the conditions in it were what I needed for the story. I in no way meant to imply that I have anything but the utmost respect for institutions and facilities that work with people who have mental health issues. I know that many if not most are places of great healing and are run with the highest level of dedication and compassion. My apologies if there were any glaring inaccuracies or if I offended anyone with my portrayal.

On a lighter note, it was really fun to see what you thought Esme's idea was for how to deal with Charlie/Renee. I think everyone was generally in agreement that Bella should not go back to her 'old life' and that she should stay with Edward and the Cullens. I hope you ultimately like how I handled it, in some ways it's a little cliché but overall I liked it and decided to go with it.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 27<strong>_

**CHARLIE**

Pulling the police cruiser into the driveway, I turned off the engine and just sat in the silence as I stared at the house. It was dark, of course, as no lights were on inside to welcome me home. When Bella had been here, the lights had always been on; even if she'd gone to bed she'd always left the kitchen light on for me. While I wasn't exactly the kind of man that routinely 'examined his feelings,' I still found myself missing her. She'd lived with me for such a short while, but in that time, she'd managed to leave an even larger imprint on my life than she already had just being my daughter. It had been great to finally be a father to her for more than a couple weeks every year.

I still couldn't believe that the Florida authorities were no closer to finding Bella now than they had been six months ago when she disappeared. The official story the Jacksonville police were giving me and Renee was that they had no new information on her case. A few weeks ago, I'd even taken the time to fly down to Florida in person and see if there was something they weren't telling Renee and Phil, but that hadn't gotten me anywhere. While I did manage to meet with one of the actual detectives assigned to her case, he hadn't told me anything that I didn't already know. I had even tried to play the 'professional courtesy' card in the hopes that I could appeal to him as one cop to another and squeeze something more out of him, but it had done no good.

All he said was that they hadn't been able to find any trace of Bella or the orderly that they suspected had kidnapped her. It was as if they'd disappeared into thin air. He went on to add that I should be prepared for the worst and it didn't take a genius to figure out what he'd meant by that. Being in law enforcement, I knew the statistics, especially for someone as vulnerable as Bella. It was highly unlikely that she was still alive after six months. It twisted my gut to think of that piece of shit orderly hurting her but I never voiced it to Renee or anyone else.

The icing on the cake had been when I'd tried to visit the hospital where Bella had been when she disappeared. I'd made it only as far as the front desk when the hospital administrator had appeared to block my way and no matter how hard I played the role of distressed father or the hardened cop, he wouldn't let me go any further or answer any of my questions. All he did was continually site patient confidentiality and HIPPA privacy laws until he finally threatened to call hospital security and the local cops if I didn't leave.

As for Renee, she lived in the land of denial for the most part. While she acknowledged Bella's disappearance, she was convinced that she was okay and would somehow magically reappear someday soon; in fact, she almost made it sound as if Bella were on some damn vacation or something. Needless to say, trying to talk to her about Bella's disappearance had left me feeling frustrated and angry.

All in all, the trip had been a colossal waste of time and by the time I had to get on the plane to come home, I had to face the fact that I was no closer to finding my daughter than I had been before I arrived. And what's more, in the police's eyes, Bella's case was going to fall, or more accurately, had already fallen into the category of a cold case and there was nothing I could do about it.

Of course, I'd be lying if I hadn't lived in my own brief periods of denial, usually by downing enough Vitamin R to blot out my thoughts and worries for an evening.

After the trip to Florida and without any new leads to follow or clues to track down, every day had become a study in putting one foot in front of the other and getting out of bed and going to the station to work any and all extra days and hours I could. In fact, it was rare that I was home in the evenings at all any more. Usually, I opted to work the night shift because somehow the house didn't seem as empty during the day as it did at night. But one of my deputies had asked to work the night shift that evening so he could be home with a sick child tomorrow and I had accommodated him.

I hadn't seen much of Billy or anyone else lately either, usually because I was working and because I knew they'd ask about Bella and I just didn't want to talk about it. In fact, the last time I'd seen Billy or any of the others from La Push had been when Harry Clearwater had died of a massive heart attack two months earlier. For a brief time, his death had pushed Bella from everyone's mind and they hadn't asked about her every time I saw them. Then there was the fact that helping his widow Sue and her two semi-grown children, Leah and Seth, with the arrangements and anything else they needed had helped take my own mind off of Bella's disappearance.

Not wanting to be reminded of the way Bella used to cook for me, I'd started eating at the diner almost every night, which is where I'd just come from. It was just too hard to stand in my kitchen and not see Bella bustling about as she made lasagna or the beef stroganoff she knew was my favorite. Now I think all that was in my fridge was beer and some assorted condiments.

Knowing I couldn't put it off any longer, I climbed out of the car and headed for the house. Pausing at the mailbox, I pulled out a large wad of ads and an assortment of envelopes. I unlocked the front door and stepped inside. The silence seemed especially deafening that night and before I did anything, I switched on the TV thankful for background noise of broadcaster on ESPN going over the sports news.

Going through my nightly routine, I removed my shoes, hung my gun belt by the door, and tossed the mail on the dining room table before going upstairs to change out of my uniform. That done, it was still way too early to even think about going bed, so I walked into the kitchen to get a beer before I sat down to watch TV. As I walked past the table, I was reminded of the pile of mail that I'd brought in with me and I paused to look through it. Pile of ads, assorted junk mail, an electric bill and...

I frowned as I picked up small padded mailing envelope with no return address and a postmark from Amarillo, Texas. As far as I knew, I didn't know anyone in Texas, much less in Amarillo.

I carefully shook the envelope. It felt like there was something hard and thin inside but it didn't look especially dangerous, so I pulled out my pocket knife and cut open the end of it. Tipping it on end, four things slid out onto the table. Two envelopes, one bearing my name and the other bearing Renee's, and two unmarked DVDs in clear plastic cases.

I blinked when I read my name on the front of the one envelope.

_Charlie._

Not Charles Swan or Chief Swan but just Charlie. To me that implied the contents were from someone that not only knew me, but that also knew Renee. Then I realized something else that made me suck in a breath.

Both our names were written in a smooth, plain script that I recognized as Bella's.

Dropping the DVDs and Renee's letter on the table, my heart hammered in my chest as I tore open the envelope addressed to me and pulled out a brief letter, again written in Bella's hand and started to read.

_Dear Charlie... I mean dad (sorry, force of habit),_

_I know this package will come as a shock to you and you must have a lot of questions about where I've been for the last few months. If you'll watch the enclosed DVD, I think it will answer all your questions. I thought a DVD would be the best way to prove to you that it's really me and not just some cruel hoax. I've also included a letter and a copy of the DVD for mom. If you could forward both to her, I would appreciate it. _

_While everything I have to say is on the DVD, I also want to reiterate something here in writing. I'm very sorry for all I've put you through these past months and I love you very much. Know that I'm alive and well and in a safe place. I miss you and think of you often and I hope that you are doing all right. _

_Love,_

_Bella_

My hand shook as I gripped the paper and read the letter again and then again. The law enforcement officer and skeptic in me wanted to say it was a lie, a hoax, but the father in me wanted to believe that I was holding a document written by my missing, possibly kidnapped daughter.

I wanted... no, I NEEDED more information than this simple letter was giving me.

With the letter still gripped in my hand, I snatched the DVD off the table and all but ran into the living room where I jerked it out of the case and shoved it into the DVD player. Not sure that my legs would take me as far as my recliner, I sank down onto the edge of the coffee table and waited impatiently as the DVD started.

There was no menu, no opening credits or titles or anything like that. The first image I saw was one of my baby girl fidgeting slightly in front of the camera. There was nothing around her to indicate where she might be or when the footage might have been taken. She was in a well lit room with three plain white walls behind her, a small non-descript table beside her and nothing else, not even a window.

She looked a little thinner than when I'd seen her last, but overall she looked healthy enough and the almost bruise like shadows that I remembered being under her eyes were gone. One other thing was also markedly different now; there was life in her eyes where there had been none when she'd left with her mother to go to Florida. Her hair was down and loose but tucked behind her ears as was her habit to keep it out of her face and she looked to be wearing jeans and a good quality but otherwise non-descript sweater.

As she looked into the camera, she looked a little nervous but not scared and not as if anyone were forcing her to be there. In fact, there was a gleam of determination in her eyes and something about her seemed almost... radiant. If I had to say, I thought she looked happy, which given what condition I expected to find her in after all this time, surprised me. It also made me want to be a little mad that she had worried us all this time when she was fine, but as she began to speak, I bit back the anger until I heard what she had to say.

"_Um, hi mom and dad._

_It's me, Bella. I bet you're really surprised to hear from me after all this time. First things first. As I'm taping this it's May 12__th__ 2006."_

May 12th. That would mean she'd taped this about ten days ago. I couldn't believe it. Bella had apparently been alive all this time.

As I watched, she picked up something lying beside her on the small wooden table and held it up in front of her so the camera could clearly see it. It was a newspaper. The camera zoomed in on the image so that meant someone had to be helping her make the recording.

"_The headlines on this issue of USA Today will show you that I'm telling the truth about the date. It's been approximately three months since I disappeared from the hospital. I'm making this recording of my own free will and no one is forcing me to do or say anything I don't want to." _

The camera zoomed out again and her expression turned a bit troubled and very somber as she set aside the newspaper.

"_Your first question is probably what happened to me and where have I been all this time. Unfortunately, the answer to the first part of that question isn't all that pleasant. As you may already suspect, my time in the hospital was not good and to make matters worse, I was eventually abducted from the hospital by one of the orderlies."_

Shame flooded her face and her eyes wouldn't meet the camera as she spoke the next words. My heart dropped and my fists clenched as her story unfolded.

"_He... he hurt me, a lot. I won't go into more specifics than that except to say it took me a while to physically heal from what he did to me; I'm still working on the emotional healing. I don't know much about him, but I think he'd done this sort of thing before with other patients or at least other women. I'm pretty sure he watched me for weeks in the hospital before he attacked me. Ultimately, I think he planned to kill me when he was finished."_

Then she looked up at the camera, took a breath, and squared her shoulders. Apparently what she had to say next would be easier. As she began to speak again, I saw a new strength light her eyes and it made me proud to be her father.

"_But from there the story gets a lot better. It's a bit hard to explain and there are certain details I am not allowed to tell you, but I was eventually rescued from him by Federal authorities. In the process of rescuing me, the monster that abducted me was killed so no one has to worry about him doing the same thing to anyone else ever again."_

I all but gaped at the TV. _**Federal**_ authorities? Why hadn't the Florida cops said anything to me about the Feds being involved?

"_After I was rescued from him, the authorities made sure that I got the medical help I needed and they put me in a safe place and made sure there was no trace of me left in the system beyond a missing persons report, which is why I'm guessing that you haven't seen anything about me come up since I was taken from the hospital. I don't even think the Florida police know what's going on and if they did, I suspect they couldn't tell you anyway."_

I wanted to snort. My guess was that the Jacksonville police hadn't told me anything about the Feds because they didn't know anything about them. After meeting with them in person, I didn't really have a lot of respect for their deductive reasoning skills. I doubt it would have been that hard for anyone to get something past them.

"_The people that saved me are very good at what they do. I wish I could tell you more about them, but anonymity is very important to the work they are doing to bring down people like the one that abducted me. The reason why they haven't contacted you or Renee before now to let you know I was all right is because they tell me that the man who abducted me was working with some very bad people and that if my whereabouts were made known, my life and the life of those around me would be in serious danger." _

"Oh, Bells, what in the hell did you get yourself into?" I muttered as she continued. She'd had things so hard after that Cullen kid left her and now this. When was she going to catch a break?

"_So the people that rescued me are working with the US Marshal's service to give me a new identity and keep me safely hidden. I know it sounds like something from a movie or a TV show, but it's the truth. They're putting me into the Witness Protection Program and unfortunately, that means I have to sever all ties with my former life. Under normal circumstances they wouldn't let me even make this tape to send to you, but I begged them and as long as I have no further contact with you and I allowed them to view the tape first to look for anything that could identify where I am, they agreed. Dad, as you probably already know from being in law enforcement, my being in the program means that you also won't find any record of me in the system so please don't try and find me. You should also know that whatever postmark was on the envelope containing the letters and the DVDs you received will not be where I actually am so it won't help you find me either." _

My heart sank. I didn't like this at all. While I was happy that she was apparently healthy and safe and I was grateful to the agents or whoever that had saved her from that monster, how else was I supposed to react when my only daughter tells me she can never see me or her mother ever again?

"_I'm know it must be hard to hear that you'll likely never see me again and that's why I asked to make this message for you. I wanted to have a chance to say some things to you before I have to cut off contact permanently. First, was to explain what had happened to me in the hospital and afterwards and to tell you that I'm now safe and happy. Second, is that I love you both very much and I don't blame you for anything that happened to me. I completely fell apart when the Cullens left Forks and I know that you both did what you thought was best to help me get over it. I'm sorry that I made it so difficult for you and that I took so long to pull myself out of it."_

My eyes prickled dangerously and I blinked hard to banish the tears that threatened at her words. Despite that fact that I didn't like this situation one bit, a weight I hadn't realized existed seemed to lift somewhat.

Ever since things had taken such a turn with Bella after her 18th birthday, I'd felt like I'd failed her. She'd lived with Renee most of her life and there hadn't been any major upheavals, at least that I knew of, and yet she'd only lived with me a little over a year when everything went south. Maybe that's why I thought her going back to live with Renee was the best course of action. But given how badly things had gone after Bella had gone to Florida, I had regretted letting her go every day since.

When Bella had disappeared from the hospital, of course my biggest concern had been for her safety and her well-being, but now I also realized that I had worried that Bella would hate me for sending her back to live with Renee and that she would blame me for everything that had happened to her. So to hear her say that she was okay and didn't blame me helped to ease my mind on a number of levels.

Bella smiled softly into the camera. _"Renee, you were a great mom and I was so happy when you found a soul mate in Phil. So take care of each other and be happy. I'll miss all the fun times we had growing up, but I will always hold those memories close to my heart. Live your life to the fullest even if I'm not there to share it with you. _

I could see that what Bella was saying was making her a little emotional. Hell, I was getting emotional myself. How could I not be? I knew what she was trying to do.

She was saying goodbye.

"_Charlie, we got to spend so little time together and I'm sorry about that, but I want you to know that no one could have asked for a better father. Now that you know I'm still alive, I know your first instinct as a police officer and a father will be to look for me, but please do as I ask and let me go. If I could have one wish for you, it would be that you would find someone to love and share your life with. You deserve that more that anyone I know."_

I rubbed angrily at my suddenly damp eyes. After everything she'd been through I couldn't believe Bella was worried about me being happy and finding a girlfriend or something. Okay, well, maybe I could believe it. Bella always was one to look out for others and put their needs ahead of hers. For an example of that, I only had to look at how she used to cook and clean for me without even being asked.

"_As for what the future holds for me, don't worry. I won't be holed up in some bunker, hiding from my life. I plan on finishing high school in the coming months and then going on to college. After that, I want to see the world and experience as much of it as I can."_

She smiled widely at the camera and although part of me missed her and ached for what she'd gone through, it did my heart good to see her looking more like the Bella I remembered.

"_After everything that's happened over the past few months, I have a new appreciation for life and I don't plan on wasting a minute of it."_

She stared at the camera for a moment, the silence growing as she seemed to search for something else to say.

"_Well, I guess that's it. It would probably be better if you destroyed the DVDs and the letters after you've seen them, but if you do keep them, please keep them in a safe place where no one will find them. I would also appreciate it if you didn't mention any of what I've told you to anyone else. As I said before, anyone who knows about this is in danger and it might somehow lead back to me. I know that this all sounds very cloak and dagger, but trust me when I say that it's really for the best." _

She smiled again - a soft, sad smile - and my heart clenched painfully.

"_Thank you both for my life and for all you've done for me. I love you both very much. Be well."_

She waved half-heartedly at the camera.

"_Goodbye."_

I was suddenly reminded of an image of her waving to me when she was younger. I'd taken her to the airport so she could fly home to Renee after spending some time with me. She'd given me that same wave before getting on the plane and now, as I had then, I felt almost bereft knowing it would be quite a while before I saw her again. Only this time, it was likely I'd NEVER see her again.

Her softly spoken 'goodbye' was the last thing she said as the screen faded out and then went black as the DVD came to the end and I tried to absorb what I'd just seen. It was a difficult if not impossible task.

And so I started watching and re-watching the DVD which played in a loop, until I lost count of the number of times I seen the damn thing. I studied every word, every shadow, every smile and gesture - anything and everything I could to find a clue about where she was or if she was making the tape of her own free will or not. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anything on the DVD that pointed me in one direction or another.

So the big question was what to do next. Both the cop in me and the father in me rebelled at the idea of just letting her go and swallowing this witness protection story without somehow trying to find some way to verify it.

Trying to think more clearly, I dragged a hand over my face, trying to scrub at the dragging fatigue and frustration that had plagued me ever since Bella had been found in the woods six months ago.

Other than the fact that I now knew that Bella was alive or had been when this DVD was made, the only real new piece of information I now had was that she claimed to be going into the witness protection program. But I knew that if she really was going into the program, getting information from the U.S. Marshal's service on someone in the Witness Security Program or 'WITSEC' as the marshals called it, was next to impossible. Anonymity and the protection of those under their charge was paramount. Even my status as Chief of Police wouldn't get me anywhere with them. Hell, I don't even think the FBI would have been able to get anywhere with them.

Something clicked in my head. Wait a minute... the FBI.

Doug Anders was with the FBI.

My mind started to race. Why hadn't I thought about this before? Doug Anders had been one of my deputies right after I'd become Police Chief. He was also a good fishing buddy before he'd made the move to the Seattle PD. After being promoted to detective, he'd helped solve a number of high profile cases during his time there and within two years, he been recruited by the FBI. As far as I knew, he still worked in the Seattle FBI field office.

While I knew it would be a long shot, it was a thread I had to tug. Even if he couldn't find Bella for me or really get any info on her maybe with his contacts he could find something, anything, to help me verify that she was at least in the program.

Shoving up from the coffee table, I went to dig out his phone number. It would probably be a waste of my time and his, but I had to try.

**VICTORIA**

With a last thrust and a grunt, Riley finished and rolled off me. Thank fuck that was over.

Pun definitely intended, I thought with a barely suppressed giggle.

Mistaking my hint of amusement for satisfaction, Riley turned on his side and grinned at me. "Was it good for you, baby?"

It took all I had not to shove him out of bed for saying something so cliché. Instead, I did what I always did when it came to Riley and sex.

I lied.

Touching his cheek I threw a smile on my face. "It's always good with you, Riley. You know that."

His grinned turned to a smirk. "You ready for another round?" he said putting my hand on his erection. Damn that male vampire staying power. "I'm ready to go again if you are."

Oh, how I longed to wrap my hand around him and squeeze until his dick popped off, but I had to control myself so I just stroked him lightly. "You know I'm always ready for you, lover. But you know, I was thinking, it's been a while since you hunted. I think you better go out and get a bite or two. I want you at your best."

He frowned a little. "Don't want me to stay with you?"

Silently, I swore to myself that if he started whining, plan or no plan, I was going to rip him into small pieces, burn them, dance over the ashes and then go out and find someone else to take his place. "Of course, I do, sweetheart," I cooed. "I'm only thinking of what's best for you. Even though I changed you eight months ago, you're still technically a newborn and so you need to feed more often than I do." I caressed his cheek again. "And all the sex we've been having must have you feeling a little drained by now."

I knew it had sure drained me and not in a good way. Having him pawing me all the time was getting really old.

He still looked unsure. "Well..."

Please say yes, I mentally begged. I really needed a few minutes to myself.

His frown broke into a smile. "Now that you mention it, I am feeling a little thirsty," he said before leaning in to give me a kiss; then he climbed out of bed and started to get dressed. "I'll be back before you know it and then I'll show you a round two you won't soon forget."

That will be the day, I thought. Even with an instruction manual and a vibrator he still wouldn't have been able to make me come.

"I look forward to it," I said instead, lying through my teeth. "Hurry back."

Or not, I mentally added.

"I will," he said giving me another quick kiss before disappearing out the door.

I tugged the pillow over my head and let out a little scream of frustration. How I managed to say things like that to him without grimacing was a miracle. Riley was anything but gifted when it came to sex. In fact, he was the worst I'd ever had. If sex and the lovey-dovey words he wanted to hear weren't the easiest way to keep him in line, I would have had a headache every time he even looked in my direction. And with as clingy as he was, I swear sometime I thought he had a vagina rather than a penis.

Now James... I sighed dreamily as I threw the pillow aside and toyed with a lock of my hair. That man knew how to fuck. He liked it rough and he could make me come with one touch, hell, sometimes even with one look. That is until those bastards, the Cullens, had killed him and over a stupid pathetic human girl of all things. I never would understand it... or forgive it.

Well, I was going to show them all and Riley was going to help me do it, which was why he was still around. If he wasn't so hot and I didn't need him for what I was planning, I would have dispatched him months ago. It hadn't taken very long for me to see that I'd made a mistake in picking him to change.

Too bad I hadn't met the other guy first. He wasn't as hot or young as Riley was but even as a human he'd been big and burly and a tiger in bed on the occasions I'd manage to get him alone while Riley was gone on an errand. There had also been a certain animal magnetism about him that I think would have been even more interesting if he'd been turned. But at the time, I didn't want to have to keep track of two newborns and I suspect that the other one wouldn't have been nearly as malleable as Riley was and for what I had planned I needed malleable.

Ah, well, it didn't matter now anyway as I was pretty sure the big guy was dead and I had once again been thwarted by the Cullens when they'd helped that little human bitch slip through my fingers in Florida. That had really pissed me off at first, but then I decided to use the experience as motivation. I would plan much more carefully the next time so the fortune teller wouldn't see things coming so easily and Riley was my ace in the hole there.

They didn't know about Riley and so the fortune teller wouldn't be watching for him. The way I figured it, she was probably watching for me, but with Riley making most of the decisions, under my guidance of course, then she wouldn't be able to see what was coming until it was too late.

Now all I needed was one simple piece of information.

Where the Cullens were living now.

There was only one person I knew of that could get me the answer to that question and the last time I'd heard from him he was living it up in Alaska with a coven that, as luck would have it, were also friends with the darling Cullens.

I found it interesting and deliciously ironic, that according to Laurent the Cullens had actually suggested that he go to Alaska in the first place. They'd given him this little bit of travel advice right after he bailed out on James on me and left us to fend for ourselves, the little traitor. And while I wasn't planning on forgiving Laurent's betrayal anytime soon, for now he was going to serve his purpose and help me find the Cullens.

And once I knew where they were, I could really get to work on manipulating Riley into doing exactly what I wanted.

Then I would get my revenge once and for all.

TBC...

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><p>Well, there ya go. Just to be clear. The story that Bella told Charlie was a flock of lies covered in a thin layer of truth. After all, Rose and Alice did rescue her from the guy in the hospital and Bella can't tell Charlie or Renee about them and she's sort of gone into the Cullen witness protection program although not because the bad guy is still after her (unless you count Victoria of course, which you would be wise to do). There were no Federal officers involved and having Bella tell Charlie and Renee that she's going into the witness protection program was my solution to the issue.<p>

_**Next week:**_ Bella gets some slightly disturbing news from Carlisle and Alice. See you then!


	28. Chapter 28

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

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><p><em><strong>Author's note:<strong>_ My apologies for this long winded note and for not posting last week. My real life has taken a quick left turn into Crazy Town, Population: Me. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm in the process of selling my house and so I've had real estate agents, buyers, inspectors, repairmen and painters tromping through my house. The kicker is I'm not supposed to be there when most of them are there so I haven't been home much. It's also the first house I've ever sold so I feel a little like I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing.

Consequently, I haven't been sleeping much. When I'm under that much stress it sucks the muse right out of me and I don't usually want to write. I had this chapter pretty well in the bag so I've tuned it up and here it is for your enjoyment. I think I should be able to keep to some kind of schedule in the upcoming weeks but until things with the house get a bit more resolved I can't promise. If I'm not going to post I will send out a message letting you know. Thanks for your patience. As God as my witness, I will finish this story.

As always thanks to everyone that left a review of the last chapter or added me and/or the story to their favorites. And a special thanks to those that left me a message or a PM to check and make sure I was okay. It's nice to have people worry about you.

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><p><em><strong>Last week (or in this case the last chapter): <strong>_Charlie got a package from Bella that said she's going into the witness protection program. While the father in him is relieved she's alive, the cop in him is a bit skeptical of her story and he wants to get more information. Then we caught up with Victoria who is still up to her devious ways and is planning something big with Riley that would appear to be taking them to see Laurent in Alaska.

The idea of Laurent being in Alaska came right out of canon. In _New Moon_ (the book not the movie) when Laurent finds Bella in the meadow, Bella asks him how things were working out in Denali. Oddly enough, he was originally staying with Tanya, whom he commented that he liked very much but he liked her sister Irina more. It would seem that Laurent was making his way through the sisters. ;o)

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 28<strong>_

**BELLA**

I sat cross-legged in the middle of the living room and listened to the sound of my deep, even breathing. Given that it was early summer, I liked to meditate out in the backyard when the weather was nice, but today it was cloudy and cool so I was in the house. In my minds eye, I was focused on the most soothing image I could muster and the same one that I always used for meditating, the meadow back in Forks that Edward and I had shared.

A month had passed since my idiotic jump out my bedroom window, and all things considered it had been the best month I'd had since Alice and Rose had rescued me from the hospital. Taking Carlisle's advice, I'd begun to study meditation, yoga and tai chi. First, I'd read up on each of them a bit so I knew what to expect and then I'd purchased a DVD for each as well as a video game version of a yoga and tai chi workout for the Playstation.

Each morning after a light breakfast I usually alternated between an hour of tai chi or yoga and then an hour of meditation. I'd tried doing all three a few times, but I found that it was a bit too much for me, plus it took up nearly the entire morning, not that I had anywhere I had to be, but still I didn't want to devote all my time to my new pursuits while neglecting others. I was trying to be a bit more well rounded these days.

Between Tai chi and yoga, tai chi was initially easier for me to learn, but oddly enough as I began to be more familiar with the yoga moves and my body began not to protest so much when I tried to perform them, I found that yoga was more restorative and had even improved my balance and coordination. I was looking forward to seeing how much more I would improve as I continued with it over the next few months.

I was also sleeping better and had only had three nightmares in the last month and none of them had been as bad as the one that had brought on my PTSD attack. I had gained a little more weight and some muscle tone and Emmett liked to tease me that if I kept up with the yoga and the tai chi, before long I was going to look ripped like some of those instructors on the workout DVDs. While I seriously doubted that was going to be an issue, I was very happy with the way things were going.

But my meditation period was by far my favorite time of the morning. I found that it very much centered me and helped to quiet my mind. Growing up, I'd chalked up Renee's attempts at mediation as just another crackpot idea, but I had to say it really seemed to help me. The other reason it was my favorite period was currently sitting beside me going through the motions of breathing slowly and evenly even thought he didn't have a physical need to do so.

Since mediation was usually a solitary pursuit, Edward's presence should have been distracting, but it was just the opposite actually and I felt that I was able to focus better when he was nearby. He hadn't asked about doing the tai chi or yoga with me, as I think because he sensed I would feel too self-conscious with him there. However, he had asked if he could join me during the meditation time saying he thought it might help his own peace of mind and I had agreed.

On the other hand, Alice had begged and Rose and Esme had politely asked to join me in going through the yoga and tai chi routines but they were all so graceful and flexible from the very start that I felt completely inadequate and self-conscious when I did it with them or in front of them. Consequently, it had only taken me two days to ask them to let me do it on my own. Rose and Esme had understood and hadn't protested at all, but with Alice, she'd been so excited to do some kind of activity with me that I had to threaten to give up the idea of yoga or anything like it completely for her to agree to let me do it by myself. As for meditating, Rose and Esme seemed to have no interest in it and Alice hadn't even attempted to ask about doing it with me as I don't think, outside of hunting or the threat of imminent death, she could sit still that long.

In exchange for Alice's cooperation, I had promised to do some other kind of activity with her instead but we hadn't exactly decided what that would be. It was only fair since I was already spending some alone time with both Esme and Rose. Esme and I had bonded in the kitchen and with designing how to redecorate my room or more accurately, my and EDWARD'S room although he said I could design it however I wanted. As for Rose, she and I took time to do our nails every couple of days and she was also teaching me a lot about very basic car maintenance and repairs.

In Alice's case, when we finally did decide on our activity, I guessed it would be something clothing related, like maybe online shopping as I still couldn't leave the house or maybe something craft related. At first, she'd toyed with the idea of teaching me to sew but having me around sharp needles and mechanized sewing machines loaded with sharp needles was immediately deemed to be a bad idea and I had whole-heartily agreed.

As for Emmett and Jasper, they were generally banned from even watching me do anything because they couldn't stop themselves from making 'helpful' comments.

Sensing that my hour of meditation was almost up, I took in a final deep, even breath, then let it out just as slowly and opened my eyes to look at Edward. He was beside me with his eyes closed sitting as still as a stone. Even wearing a simple t-shirt and a pair of sweats, he still looked more beautiful than any statue Michelangelo might have created.

As if sensing my gaze, Edward followed my earlier example and he let out a long slow breath, then turned to me and opened his eyes. Looking back at me he smiled, a slight quirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Yes?" he asked in response to my stare.

Unable to resist, I untangled my legs and crawled over to him. "Nothing, just enjoying the view," I said before giving him a light kiss.

Grinning against my mouth, he deepened the kiss and pulled me tighter against him as he lay back until we were both stretched out on the carpet. "Hmm, actually, I think I have the better view."

I smiled down at him and resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Although I didn't agree with all the compliments he gave me, I knew he meant them and that it bothered him when I just shrugged them off. "I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one."

With a little gleam in his eye, he smirked at me. "I could make you agree with me, you know."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really, and how do you propose to do that?"

"I haf my vays," he said in a really bad Russian accent, pronouncing all his w's as v's. "The easiest vay vould be to tickle you until you vill agree vith me!"

With that, he flipped me over and began to lightly tickle my ribcage. Given his vampire speed, the ticklish affect was magnified a hundred times. Unable to help myself, I squealed and giggled and squirmed under him, begging him to stop. Finally, I cried 'okay, okay, I agree, I agree' and he did stop, his hands coming to rest lightly on my waist as we both laid there laughing. I have to say that playful Edward was one of my favorite facets of his personality and it had made a number of appearances in the last month.

Being close to him like this sent waves of heat, happiness and just simple contentment sweeping through me. There was truly nowhere else I wanted to be. In the last month, things were better than ever between Edward and I, even better than they had been before my disastrous 18th birthday. Since he'd given up on fighting the fact that we were meant to be together and that we had a future together, there was something more settled about Edward. He was happier and he liked to touch and kiss me as often as possible.

And, of course, I was a big fan both the kissing and the touching, however, it hadn't gone any further than that, something I hoped might change in the future. But I could appreciate the fact that we were taking things a bit slowly after all we'd both been through. At least we were together now and finally going in the same direction and after the events of the past few months that was a giant victory in my opinion.

"I love that sound," he said as his laughter died away.

"What sound?" I asked still laughing, but trying to listen for whatever he was hearing.

His expression softened. "Your laugh. I think it's one of my favorite sounds in the world."

Everything inside me melted into a gigantic pile of goo. Reaching up, I ran my fingers lightly through his hair and the moment turned from playful to heated in an instant as his golden eyes burned into mine. Using a handful of his hair, I gently tugged his head down to mine and our lips met in a deep kiss. His hands slid up to my face to hold my head at just the right angle for his kisses while his thumbs brushed at the fine hairs along my temples. With the cool hard length of his body partially covering mine and his weight pressing comfortably down on me, I felt hot, languid and a little dazed; it was like I was drunk on him and I never wanted to sober up.

"Well, that's an interesting form of mediation," an amused voice said from above us.

"Yes, the way they appear to be doing it is quite unlike anything I've seen or read about before," a second voice chimed in.

We broke apart and looked up to see a smirking Alice and a bemused Carlisle standing in front of us.

Apparently unembarrassed at being caught making out with me, Edward rolled onto his back and then pulled me half on top of him. As much as I liked being this close to him, the position he put us in wasn't the most comfortable for me because some part of him was poking me in the thigh. I squirmed a little and I swear I heard him groan and he held me a bit tighter as if not wanting me to move. Then the light bulb went on in my head as to just _what_ was poking me in the thigh. Being inexperienced in this area I was still learning what it felt like when his body was... aroused.

Before he'd left me in Forks, this type of thing had never been an issue for us. Edward had always been careful to let things only go so far between us and so the only times we'd been close enough for me to possibly feel this kind of reaction was when he used to watch me sleep. Unfortunately, back then there had always been sheets and blankets between us so I still hadn't felt much of anything but the simple bulk of his body. But in the last month and if I remembered correctly, perhaps even a couple of times before I'd started talking again, there had been times when I'd felt this exact thing but hadn't recognized it for what it was.

It also occurred to me that at the moment, he was trying to hide the fact that he had an erection from Alice and Carlisle by having me cover him and my squirming was not going to help the situation so I laid still and played innocent.

Of course on the inside, the idea that I could cause such a reaction in him had me doing a mental fist pump.

"Can we help you with something?" Edward said, his voice sounding a little like a lazy cat's might.

Alice raised an eyebrow at him and I had a feeling she knew exactly what he was trying to conceal. "If you can stop molesting Bella for more than five minutes, we need to talk to her, to both of you actually."

Edward sighed and kissed my temple. "Sorry, Bella, I guess meditation time is over."

I grinned up at him. "Well, it was fun while it lasted."

He got carefully to his feet, being sure to tug his t-shirt down and then helped me up and I tried not to be little nervous as the four of us sat down at the dining room table. I had no idea what they wanted to talk about and Edward didn't seem able or willing to enlighten me on their thoughts. Although he took my hand when he sat down next to me at the table, he actually seemed a bit preoccupied and I assumed it was because he knew at least part of what Alice and Carlisle wanted to talk to us about.

As usual, Alice jumped right in. "Bella, we're leaving for Alaska first thing in the morning."

I blinked at her. I don't know what I'd expected her to say, but it wasn't that. The entire family, with the exception of Edward and I, had been planning to finally take their long awaited trip to Alaska, but I didn't think they'd been planning to leave so soon.

"I thought you weren't going for another two weeks," I said in confusion.

"We weren't but I've seen some things that lead me to recommend that we leave sooner. We already called the Denalis and they're fine with the change."

I looked at Carlisle. "What about the hospital? I thought you couldn't get time off for another two weeks."

"No, you're right. The doctor that will be filling in for me won't be available for another two weeks, so I'll be staying here with you and Edward for that time and then I'll be joining them," Carlisle explained.

"Do Esme, Rose, Emmett and Jasper know about going early?" I asked, referring to the missing members of the household.

"Yes, we talked about it earlier this morning. They're out getting some last minute things," Carlisle replied.

I looked to Edward for his reaction to all this. He looked a little surprised but not shocked. "Did you know about this?" I asked giving his hand a little squeeze to let him know I wasn't angry, just curious as to why he hadn't told me about it before now.

"No, I was out hunting," he told me. "I got back right before I joined you in the living room. I heard in their minds that they were talking about leaving earlier than expected but not why and not that they were going to leave tomorrow."

I nodded and turned back to Alice. "So what did you see that made you decide to leave early?"

Glancing at Carlisle, she pursed her lips for a moment before answering. "Bella, you know that we're all family, so I don't want you to get embarrassed or anything..."

I frowned then muttered. "Well, that sounds ominous."

"No, no," Alice tried to reassure me. "It's nothing bad, it's actually quite natural."

Her comment did nothing to clarify things. "Natural?"

"You're going to be getting your period," Alice blurted out.

There was dead silence at the table and, for the moment, I was too blindsided by her statement to be embarrassed by its meaning. "My period?" I said with a frown.

"Yes, in three days and it's going to be... difficult for you."

Just as she was always able to correctly forecast the weather and predict stock market trends with an uncanny accuracy, Alice could always tell when the human females around her were going to get their period. It went beyond the obvious ability that vampires had to smell hormone shifts or the particular lushness that human females apparently exuded just before and during that time. Often she could tell a week in advance when it was going to happen.

So the fact that she was telling me I was going to start my period was not what had blindsided me. Rather it was my own realization at just how much time had passed since I'd had one that was disturbing. "I haven't had a period since before I went to Florida to live with Renee."

Carlisle was the one that answered. "It's not unusual for a woman's monthly cycle to stop when she's under a great deal of emotional or physical stress, is markedly undernourished or has some other type of physical injury or malady. It's the body's way of marshalling its resources."

I nodded a bit numbly and then Alice's earlier words came back to me. "What do you mean it's going to be difficult for me?"

Her look was apologetic. "It's going to be longer and more painful than it would usually be," she clarified.

"That's not uncommon either," Carlisle put in. "After a prolonged absence of a menstrual cycle its return is often marked by a heavier flow and pronounced cramping. When it's not shed on a regular basis, the uterine lining continues to grow and will get abnormally thick. So when the menstrual cycle does resume the flow during the first period is much heavier and longer in order to shed the thicker lining. "

The rational part of my brain was telling me I should have been concerned over what Carlisle and Alice were saying since it sounded like I was about to have the period from hell, but I was too busy freaking out for another reason entirely as the surrealness of the conversation finally caught up with me.

I felt myself blush with embarrassment over discussing my period in front of Edward and Carlisle. I didn't care that Edward was my boyfriend, mate or whatever we defined ourselves as these days, or that Carlisle was a doctor, it was still incredibly embarrassing. Thank God Emmett wasn't here or my face probably would have caught fire from blushing so hard.

I dropped my head down onto the table. "Oh, my God. This has got to be the most awkward conversation ever."

"Don't be like that, Bella," Alice said cheerfully. "It's just a human bodily function. It's not like you have a choice."

I groaned and despite the fact that I wanted a large hole to open in the floor and swallow me up, I lifted my head and managed to force my next question out of my throat. "Wait, what does my period have to do with you leaving early for Alaska?"

Alice and Carlisle exchanged a look and then it hit me. "Oh! The blood," I said. "I didn't even realize."

"It's just that outside of school, we've never really lived with you when it's been that time of the month and while I didn't see Jasper or anyone else attacking you because of it, it just seemed like it might be easier on everyone if we were not around as much during that time; especially since this time it was going to be especially heavy," she explained. "And since we were already planning on going to Alaska, it seemed only logical to just go early."

I stared at her, trying to take it all in. When we'd all been in Forks I don't think I'd ever stayed the night with them when it had been that time of the month. When I'd been injured in James' attack, Alice had helped me shower and dress but I'd been at Charlie's and I don't remember it being an issue. While I knew that Alice was right and I shouldn't be embarrassed about a human bodily function, I also hated to think that I was forcing the family out of their home.

"Would it be easier if I went to a hotel or something until I was finished?"

"This is your home now, Bella," Carlisle said gently. "You shouldn't have to leave it."

"But that's what I'm making all of you do," I pointed out.

"Not at all," Alice said. "We were going on vacation anyway."

"But we're going to have to address this eventually," I argued. "If I'm going to start having my period again on a regular basis then every month this is going to come up."

"Well, hopefully, that's where Carlisle can help."

I frowned and looked at Carlisle, who seemed completely unfazed by this conversation which I chalked up to his medical training. "Alice is right, there are a few ways to try and medically control your menstrual cycle."

"How?"

"The easiest method is the use of hormone based contraceptives," Carlisle said.

As if the discussion of my period hadn't been awkward enough, the conversation had just gone to a new high in the level of embarrassment I was feeling. "Birth control pills?"

"Oral contraceptives are just one way to address the issue," he said apparently oblivious to my embarrassment. "There is also a shot that can be given every three months or an intra-uterine device or IUD that can be inserted into your body, and even if oral contraceptives are what you'd prefer there are a number of..."

"Okay, okay! I get the idea," I interrupted, mortified. I just hoped he didn't bring out a Powerpoint presentation on the subject next.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed, Bella," Carlisle said. "As Alice said earlier, we're family and it's just a human biological function and we're suggesting this option not for the contraceptive properties, as we obviously don't need it, but for the blood aspect of it. The contraceptive options I just mentioned usually have the added benefit of either lessening your menstrual cycle or suppressing it altogether."

When he put it like that, it did make my embarrassment sound a little silly. I risked a glance at Edward who had been quiet during the entire conversation. He gave me a small smile and squeezed my hand encouragingly which went a long way toward settling my nerves over this conversation.

As I began to get over my embarrassment and really thought about what Carlisle was saying, I realized that by doing what he was suggesting, I was actually doing something to help the family. It would be a way to make sure that I never chased the rest of the family out of the house the way I was this time. It would definitely make things easier all the way around.

"All right, Carlisle, whatever you think is best. I have to admit it would be nice having fewer or at least lighter periods." I finally said.

Carlisle nodded. "Well, we can talk about all the options after everyone leaves and decide what will work the best for you. Unfortunately, it won't help with the period Alice believes you're going to have in a few days and it may take a few months to lessen or suppress your cycle as your body adjusts to the new hormone levels."

"Well, it's not like it will be the first time I had a bad period." I turned and looked at Edward. "I'm sorry in advance for any mood swings I might have and if I turn into a raging bitch."

He smiled and kissed my temple. "No worries, love. I'll soothe the savage beast with all the ice cream, chocolate and heating pads you want. I'll even rub your feet if you like."

"Oh, so now I'm a beast, am I?" I said giving him a death glare.

His expression went from tender to deer-in-the-headlights in a flash. "I... no, I didn't... I mean..."

Letting him off the hook, I started to laugh. "I'm just kidding, Edward. That was a little test to see how you reacted to the mood swings." I patted his cheek. "You need a little work. Oh, and I like Ben and Jerry's 'Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, New York Super Fudge Chunk' and 'Phish Food' ice creams the best. I'd also stock up on caramel sauce, whipped cream and then maybe...you know what, I'll just make you a list."

Alice snickered and Carlisle's eyes danced with merriment. As for Edward, he still looked confused as his vampire brain took a moment to assimilate the fact that I was teasing him. Then one of his eyebrows slowly lifted into wry amusement. "As you wish."

I grinned at him. "Nice, quoting _The Princess Bride_ is always a good way to go." I grinned at him. "But you better be careful or I'll make you watch it with me. It's an excellent movie for that time of the month."

He bowed slightly with just the hint of a smirk. "As you wish," he repeated. Except for his bronze hair, he did a spot on imitation of Wesley.

"You guys are too cute," Alice said with a giggle. "But back to the matter at hand and getting supplies. Bella, Jasper wanted me to remind you that you still can't go out in public. Charlie still hasn't taken you off of the missing person's list."

My amusement and desire to tease Edward faded and were replaced by a frown. "Charlie should have gotten my package over two weeks ago. I was sure he'd have done something by now."

Alice just shrugged. "Well, I haven't seen him make any kind of decisions, your name hasn't come off the missing persons database, and no one has attempted to contact your 'handler,' so Jasper doesn't think it's safe to go out just yet. He can keep checking while we're gone, but until he hears something different, you'll have to stay home and let Edward and Carlisle get any supplies you might need."

The 'handler' Alice was referring to was none other than Rosalie as she was the Cullen that Charlie had spoken to or interacted with the least so he was less likely to recognize her voice. Jasper had planted some obscure references in the Justice system database and if someone used my name and dug deep enough, they would find a sketchy trail leading to a mysterious WITSEC handler named Cathleen Ramon. If they dug a little deeper, they would find a phone number to a disposable phone we'd set up for just such a purpose. If they called it, then Rosalie would answer and pretend to be the mysterious handler and she would give just enough confirmation to make someone think that I was indeed in the WITSEC program, but would give no details beyond that.

"Don't worry, Alice, I know I have to stay out of sight," I said chewing on my lip.

"Then why do you still look so concerned?" she asked.

"I just hope there's not another more sinister reason why there'd been no apparent reaction to my package," I said. "So many things could have happened to Charlie in the months since Edward came back to Forks to find me and saw him. He could have been hurt at work or in a car accident or be sick or maybe Victoria even came back for me and got to him."

"I'm sure he's fine, Bella," Edward said squeezing my hand.

Alice took the hand that Edward wasn't already holding and gave it a squeeze. "Bella, I haven't seen anything happening to Charlie. I swear I would tell you if I had."

"Your father is probably just being cautious, Bella," Carlisle began. "Despite your recorded message and letter to him, he is most likely checking any remaining leads or other avenues of investigation he can think of before he gives up the search completely. He cares about you a great deal so I imagine it must be very difficult for him to let you go and that's what he'd be doing if he abandons the search and officially takes your name off the missing persons list."

"I guess," I said quietly, trying not to let myself give into the fear that was tugging at me.

Carlisle seemed to read my thoughts. "If it would make you feel better, someone can make a stop on their way to Alaska and check on him, covertly of course. He would never know they were there but they could make sure he was in good health and uninjured."

"Really?" I said, brightening instantly. "Are you sure it wouldn't be too much trouble?"

Carlisle smiled paternally. "Of course, it's no trouble. Alice, do you think you and Jasper could stop by and check on him? I'd do it myself when I head for Alaska, but I don't think Bella wants to wait another two or three weeks to hear any news about Chief Swan."

Alice smiled at me reassuringly. "Of course we can do it. Actually, I think everyone will want to go. Esme mentioned wanting to check on our house in Forks anyway and Emmett would never pass up a chance to dine on some Pacific Northwest Bears."

"That would be great," I said pulling her into a hug. "Thank you, Alice."

Next I hugged Carlisle and thanked him. Then I turned to Edward, but when he opened his arms for a hug of his own, I surprised him, and I imagine all of them, except maybe for Alice who probably saw it happening in her head as I did it, when I walked up to him and took his face in my hands and planted a great big kiss right on his mouth.

When I pulled back, the way he was looking at me was a cross between lust, surprise and joy and Alice and Carlisle were nowhere to be seen. "What was that for?" he asked.

Since he didn't actually need to breathe, the fact that he was a little breathless when he said it made me feel quite pleased with myself.

"Do I need a reason?" I said with a grin.

He lip slowly curled into a lazy smirk. "Absolutely not. In fact, any time you have the urge to do that you go right ahead and act on it."

I smirked right back at him. "I'll keep that in mind."

Then, because Edward wasn't the only one who could be playful, I made sure to put a little extra little wiggle to my hips as I turned and headed for the kitchen to make up that shopping list that he might need for the next week. As I walked, I could feel his eyes all but burning into my backside and I heard him groan a little before he spoke quietly.

"You're going to be the death of me, Bella."

I couldn't suppress a laugh as I threw an answer back over my shoulder. "But what a way to go!"

TBC...

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><p>Mmmm, our Bella is getting a little saucy isn't she? With this chapter I was trying to show that she is getting better and finding her place in the family again. I'm also trying to work up some unresolved sexual tension between her and Edward as lemons will be coming eventually. She's also apparently about to have the period from hell (sorry to any male readers out there if anything in this chapter or the next couple of chapters fall into the TMI – too much information – category).<p>

_**Next week:**_ We'll be checking in once again with Charlie, Victoria and Riley to see what they're up to. See you then!


	29. Chapter 29

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

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><p><em><strong>Author's note:<strong>_ Thanks to everyone that left me reviews, feedback and messages of support. I really appreciate all your kind words. Another note of thanks to those that are either following or have favorited me and my stories.

Well, I have a confession to make. When I started posting this story I had about 20 chapters written which is why I've been so regular about posting. However, I've now just about caught up with myself, so that combined with the craziness that's going on in real life right now means I might not be posting as regularly. My future posts will continue to be on Saturday, but my next chapter will be in two weeks. The next chapter is off with my betas right now but I've got a lot going on next weekend so I won't be ready to post next weekend.

That being said, I SWEAR I have every intention of finishing this story. I know what I want to happen and where it's going. In fact, the latter part of the story is what I've been building toward since the beginning and I'm looking forward to showing you what I have planned. Thanks for your patience and I'm sorry for this extremely long note!

As a teaser, here are a few of the highlights that will be coming in future chapters:

1. Lemons for Edward and Bella (but no baby, which is why I threw in the part about Bella's period and oral contraceptives);

2. Danger for Bella as Victoria learns the location of where the Cullens are living and comes after her;

3. The question of Edward changing Bella will be addressed once and for all (and I think you'll be happy with how I handle it – did I mention I'm all about the happy endings?); and

4. Victoria will get what's coming to her.

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><p><em><strong>Last week: <strong>_Alice told Bella and Edward that she and the rest of the family (except for Carlisle) were leaving early for Alaska because Bella would be starting her period and it would be very bad because she hasn't had one for a while due to her health and emotional upheaval. There was also a tiny bit of citrus goodness between Bella and Edward or at least indications that more of that was coming.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 29<strong>_

**VICTORIA**

"So, do you like the car?" Riley asked hopefully from the passenger seat.

I gave him my sweetest smile. "Of course, I do, baby. You picked a really good one."

And for a change I didn't really have to lie. He'd picked a high end Mercedes sedan with full leather interior, heated seats and every electronic gadget known to man, including a GPS system that would make our trip to see Laurent that much faster. We could have run to our destination in Alaska but it was so much nicer to ride in style. Going barefoot and getting sticks and leaves in your hair got old after a while.

From the one conversation I'd had with Laurent since James had been killed, I only knew the name of the city he was living nearest to but not the exact address or location of the house which was far out into the wilderness. The GPS would get us to Talkeetna, Alaska and from there, Riley and I could use our advanced sense of smell to find him and the coven of freaks he was living with. My best guess was that we would be there by sometime tomorrow. In any case, I tried to keep any plans open and fluid so I didn't raise any significant red flags with the Cullen's fortune teller. It wouldn't do for her to hone in on my plans. Whenever I thought of our trip to Alaska it was just as a random road trip and nothing more.

And the best part was that Laurent didn't even know we were coming. That was another trick I was using to throw off the fortune teller in case she was watching Laurent's actions and decisions. I wanted it to be a surprise. I liked surprises... at least when I was the one giving them.

Riley grinned me. "And it even came with a free meal."

I ran my tongue over my teeth, relishing the remaining tang of blood that lingered in my mouth from our earlier 'meal' of the former owners of the car who were currently riding in the trunk. Before Riley and I dined on the middle aged couple, I dazzled the male into telling us their pin numbers and other financial information so we were also flush with cash, assorted credit cards and a pair of cell phones that wouldn't be reported stolen for quite some time.

I was feeling so sated and pleased with myself at that moment that I didn't even have to force myself to reach over and stroked the ridge of Riley's ear just as I knew he liked. "And a delicious meal it was, but we have to be sure to take out the trash before we arrive at our destination."

Riley laughed. "What? You don't think our unsuspecting hosts will enjoy an 'eau de dead body' scent coming from the trunk?"

I couldn't help but smirk. "Well, since they're some kind of hippie freaks who drink from animals to keep from killing the so called 'precious' humans, I'm guessing they wouldn't be too pleased." I snorted. "I still don't know how my old friend stands to be around them or live like they do."

Riley shuddered a little. "I can't imagine drinking from stinking animals, that's just disgusting."

"You won't get any argument from me, lover."

Riley was thoughtful for a long moment, which was an uncommon state of mind for him. "So just how friendly were you with this Laurent guy?" he finally asked.

I could have told him the truth. I could have told him that Laurent and I were just friends and that we would only ever be friends because not only did I have no desire for him, but he had none for me. Honestly, James was really the only link between us and that was something I was counting on as I was planning on using it as leverage to get the information I wanted on the Cullens.

As for Riley, he knew next to nothing about my real history with James or Laurent and since one of my true pleasures in life was pushing his buttons, and he had a very big button where the topic of me and other men were concerned so I couldn't help but push it.

"Oh, we were very, very close once upon a time," I said silkily. Pushing his buttons was really all too easy. "We spent a lot of time together. Days, weeks, even months on end."

The first part of my statement was a lie, Laurent had always been more James' friend than mine, but the second part was true. Traveling together as nomads, we had spent a lot of time together.

"I still don't see why we need him," Riley said petulantly.

"I told you, Riley, if we find him, we'll find the information we need."

"But surely there's another way to find these Cullens and get back at them without involving this guy."

"No, there really isn't," I insisted. "When I talked to my friend last time, he told me that the people he was staying with were friends with the Cullens so I'm sure they'll know just where we can find them."

He was quiet for a long moment and I suspected he was trying to think of the right way to say something so I didn't get angry which was never a good sign.

"Look, Victoria, I know how much you want to get back at the Cullens, but why don't we just forget about them? We could start a new life somewhere else, just you and me."

Now he was pushing MY buttons and I didn't like it one bit. After all I'd done to bring him and my plans along, he was trying to back out on me and I'd be damned if I'd let him do that. I'd kill him before I just let him wimp out on me.

"How can you ask me to just FORGET the fact that they killed my dearest friend and have threatened me repeatedly?" I said letting my voice catch with just the right amount of emotion. "Don't you care about me at all?"

His expression softened with guilt. "Aw, baby, of course I care about you."

"Well, you sure as hell don't show it," I snapped. "I'm doing this for both of us, Riley, and for anyone else they've threatened. I've told you how they are. With all their powers they think they're untouchable and they'll destroy anyone who gets in their way."

Pulling the car to the shoulder, I let my lip tremble slightly and tried to sound weepy as I turned to him which was no easy feat given that I couldn't actually cry. "I just want to show them that I'm not someone to be trifled with so they'll leave me alone. I changed you because I thought you could help me stop them, but if you don't want do that, I guess I'll just have to do it alone."

I knew that would get his attention. Riley was nothing if not predictable. "No, no," he said in a clearly panicked voice. "Please don't say things like that. You don't have to do it alone. Of course, I'll help you. I just thought..." He trailed off with a sigh. "Just forget I said anything. We'll do things your way."

So easy.

Now that I'd brought him back to heel like the good dog he was, I decided to throw him a bone. One that would have the added benefit of reassuring him and making him think twice about trying to back out on me again.

"Riley, you know I want to be with you." The words were bitter on my tongue, but I think I managed to put the right amount of feeling into them to make them believable. "After we take care of this business with the Cullens, we can be together without worrying about them and we can go anywhere you want, I promise."

Like to the nearest fire pit if you don't stop getting on my nerves, I added silently as I pulled back onto the road and got back up to speed.

"That's all I want," he replied, immediately brightening at my words. "So do you really think killing this 'pet' of theirs is the best way to get them to back off? Won't it just make them madder?"

He had a point, not that I was going to admit that to him. I knew that the Cullens would never stand for me killing their 'precious' Bella. They'd be after me with a vengeance, and Riley too if I let him live that long, once the deed was done. The sentimental idiots actually cared for that stupid girl. But that didn't matter to me, the girl's death was just the opening salvo in the war I was planning to wage with the Cullens. When all was said and done, I wanted them all dead for their part in James' demise.

The girl's death would simply make sure they came looking for the fight I was itching to give them. A fight that could possibly include an army of newborn vampires that I would let someone else, maybe Riley, create for me. In my travels with James, I had heard some very interesting things about the old southern vampire wars and it had given me no end of ideas. And if I let someone else create them for me the fortune teller would never see them coming.

"You have to trust me, Riley. I know how the Cullens think. They're just bullies and right now, they believe they're invincible and that there's no way we can get to them. By killing their little pet, they'll know that they're vulnerable and that we're stronger than they are even though there are only two of us," I lied through my teeth. "And like any bully, once they're challenged by a worthy opponent, they'll back down and run away."

I had just fed him a complete load of crap, but he nodded, looking at me like I'd just imparted the secrets of the universe to him. "And then we can be together?"

Once again, I had the urge to check and see if he had a vagina rather than a penis. He was letting his feelings for me smother any sense of self or misgivings he was having about what we were doing.

Then again, that worked in my favor so I who was I to complain?

I smiled at him. "Of course, baby, we'll be together always."

**CHARLIE**

Flipping open yet another file, I reviewed the service history of one of my deputies. While I enjoyed my position and duties as Forks' Chief of Police, the paperwork was something I always wished I could push off on someone else, which I did as often as I could. But this time it was something I had to do myself. It was time again for staff evaluations and as the boss around here it fell to me to look each of my deputies over and determine if they were eligible for a raise or promotion. With all the nighttime shifts I'd been pulling and the fact that I was the only one on duty in the office, I figured it was as good a time as any to tackle this particular job.

I didn't even look up as the phone on my desk started ringing; instead I just reached over and picked the receiver up from its cradle as I continued to scan the page.

"Forks Police Department, Chief Swan speaking," I said absently.

"Hell Chief, you were answering the phone like that when I was still wet behind the ears," the caller chuckled. "Doesn't anything ever change in that town?"

The caller's voice vaguely rang a bell, but I couldn't quite place it. "Well, you know, I'm nothing if not consistent."

The caller laughed warmly. "Yeah, I'd say that's accurate. So how are the fish biting these days? You still going out to the Quileute Res to fish?"

Clearly, the caller knew me and I mentally scrolled through the people I knew who often fished or used to often fish on the Quileute Reservation. "Well, I don't fish as much as I used to these days," I said. "Uh, can I ask who I'm speaking to?"

There was a mock gasp from the other end of the line. "Why Chief, I'm hurt. I know it's been a while, but I didn't think you'd ever forget the guy that once ran over your hat."

My shoulders immediately relaxed and I let out a laugh. "Well, as I live and breathe, Doug Anders. How the hell are you?"

He laughed. "I'm good, Chief, real good."

"How is that family of yours?"

"Mary's fine, ready to pop out child number three in about four months."

"Number three?" I exclaimed. "When I talked to you last you'd just had your first."

"Time sure does fly, doesn't it?" he asked.

"It does indeed," I agreed. "You know, Doug, you don't have to take the 'go forth and multiply' thing quite so seriously."

"Well, Mary says she likes being pregnant and I enjoy getting her that way so it's a win/win for everyone."

"I guess that's one way to look at it," I said with a laugh. "So how are things at the FBI?"

"Things at the Bureau are good. I liked the Seattle PD well enough, but with the Bureau I get into some real interesting cases. Speaking of which, I'm sorry I didn't return your call before now. I've been out in the field for the last week on assignment."

My stomach tightened slightly as we came to why I had initially called him. "It's no problem, Doug. I appreciate you getting back to me as quickly as you did."

"So what can I ,a humble FBI agent, do for Forks' Chief of Police?" he asked as I hadn't explained the reason for my call when I'd left him a message.

When I didn't answer right away, he prompted me, any lightheartedness gone from his voice. "Chief? You still there?"

I rubbed at my chin thoughtfully, trying to collect my thoughts and what I was going to say. "Yeah, I'm here. Just trying to think of where to start."

There was a pause from his end. "Well, I've always found it's best to start from the beginning," he said gently.

That's what I'd always liked about Doug; he was good at steering people to where they needed to be without being harsh. "Well, you remember my daughter Bella?"

"Sure, of course, I do. She used to come and stay with you for vacations. Cute little thing but shy and a bit clumsy as I recall."

"That she is."

"She must be... what, about sixteen now?"

"Actually, she turned eighteen last September," I corrected.

"Wow, you're right, time sure does fly. How's she doing?"

I was quiet for a moment. "Well, Doug, that's my problem. I don't exactly know."

"Why, what do you mean? What happened to her? Is she a runaway or something?"

"No, not exactly... maybe. Aw, hell, it's complicated," I told him.

"Well, you have my full attention so just take a breath and then lay it out for me."

And so I did. I told him how she'd come to live with me and things were fine until the Cullen kid left her and she sort of went off the deep end. Then I told her how I'd sent her back to live with Renee and how Renee had put her in the hospital, then she'd disappeared and no one had been able to locate any sign of her. My grand finale was telling him about the DVD and letter I'd received from her two weeks ago.

Through it all, he listened, only asking questions when they were absolutely necessary and waiting until I'd completely finished my story.

"Wow, Chief. That's some story you've got there. Sounds like your Bella fell into some nasty business."

"Yeah, tell me about it," I said with a sigh. "Bella was always a bit clumsy, but she is a good girl and not a trouble maker. Seems like she's just had a run of bad luck over the last year."

"Well, I think that's safe to say," he agreed. "So what do you need from me, Chief?"

"I want to try and verify her story. I don't need to know where she is, but I need to know if she really is in the US Marshal's WITSEC program or if someone is just making her say that so I'll back off looking for her."

There was a definite pause from the other end. "Chief, you should be talking to someone in the US Marshal's office. This is way outside my scope."

"I tried. They wouldn't tell me if she was in the program," I told him. "All they said was that they do not discuss that information under any circumstances."

"I'm not surprised. Witness protection is one of the Marshal's most sacred duties. They take it as seriously as the Secret Service takes protecting the President."

"I know, Doug, but please, can't you do something?" I pleaded. "I have no one else to turn to."

"Chief, I would help you if I could, I swear. There's nothing I'd like better than to help you out with this. But even my FBI clearance won't give me access to the US Marshal's WITSEC files. They're very tight fisted with their records and with good reason."

Closing my eyes, I tried to hold back the frustration and the hopelessness I was feeling. Doug had been my last hope. I knew my next words were hitting a little below the belt, but I had to try.

"Is one of your kids a girl?" I said quietly.

His reply was very cautious. "Yeah, my oldest. Her name's Danielle."

"Well, that's a pretty name." I paused and chose my words carefully. "Doug, what would you do if she were the one in trouble? What lengths would you go to in order to make sure she was all right?"

Doug sighed from the other end of the phone. "Exactly what you're doing, Chief. I'd follow every lead, use every contact and call in every favor I had and probably some I didn't."

I felt a glimmer of hope reform in my chest and I pressed him. "Please Doug, I don't need to know where she is or any other details. I just need to know whether or not her story checks out and if she's in the program."

There was another very long silence on the other end and I began to wonder if he was still there. As I opened my mouth to say something in to the silence, he finally spoke.

"Okay, Chief, I'll try. I can't promise you more than that, but I'll try," he told me. "I know someone in the Marshal's office, someone that I worked with during my time at the Seattle PD. Maybe she'll be able to tell me what you want to know."

My glimmer of hope, morphed into relief. "Thank you, Doug, really. I owe you big time."

"You don't owe me a thing," he replied with a smile in his voice. "It will just be from one father to another."

TBC

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><p>Sorry this was so short, but at least you get an insight into what Victoria is planning long term and what's going on with Charlie.<p>

_**In two weeks: **_ Edward goes shopping for Bella's 'monthly supplies.' My beta requested that I write I write this chapter and I'm hoping I've done it justice and that it's funny but I haven't heard back from my betas yet so I don't know if it is or not (I'm not always the best judge of that on my own writing). Either I'll have you grinning over the image of Edward shopping in the feminine hygiene aisle or you'll be yawning and I'll have egg on my face. Luckily, there are some other things in the chapter between Bella and Edward that are important too. Oh, and the chapter is a long one. ;o) See you then!


	30. Chapter 30

_**Author's note: **_In addition to the new chapter, I'm doing things a bit different this week as I've got a lot to say in my Author's Note (sorry it's going to be a little long). I will go back to usual opening in the next chapter. Please check my previous chapters for disclaimers over the fact I don't own Twilight and for my notes of endless gratitude for my wonderful betas and for those that have left reviews and feedback and for those that are following me and this story. This story now has over 500 reviews and it make me giddy with excitement! Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me as this story has progressed even though my posting has slowed down.

Okay, that being said I have three things I'd like to address here if I may. They are in no specific order, I'm just getting them down as I think of them.

First, the events surrounding Kristen's Stewart's actions and the implosion of Robsten (of which I was, okay, _am_ a card carrying member – I'm a hopeless romantic and big on the happy endings after all). I'm not going to go too far into this topic as it's really between Rob and Kristen where things go for them personally. I know the situation has been hard on a lot of people in the fandom, but as for me I'm just going to try and keep my head down and buried in Twilight as opposed to the muck that the tabloids are throwing around.

I read something from another author that said if you're having a hard time with the fandom after the events of the past weeks, you should go back to where it all started and reread the books to remember why you liked these characters and why Bella and Edward mean so much to you. I think that's very sage advice. Also, a very wise friend told me that the great thing about writing fan fiction is that you can make things work out the way you want them too. So in my Twilight universe Bella and Edward will never cheat on each other – in fact, in _Breakdown_ even the kiss between Bella and Jacob that we see in canon in _Eclipse_ will never happen.

Second, I've had a couple of comments from readers about how they don't give a rat's furry behind about what Victoria is up to. On the other hand, when the story was so focused on just Bella and the bubble of the Cullen's home in New York, I had comments asking what was going on with Charlie, Renee, the wolves and the world outside that bubble. So when opinions sort of leave me caught in the middle like that, I tend to just go with my gut and write what I want to write (that's another great thing about writing fan fiction).

Basically, I'm trying to strike a balance and show some of what is going on behind the scenes so that when events happen to Bella and Edward, so readers don't come to a part and suddenly go 'wait, how did we get here?' or 'how the heck did that happen?' I swear the focus will still be on Bella and Edward and I will try and not make too many detours and when I do, rest assured they will all play back into what's happening with Bella and Edward.

Third, this chapter... well, my beta liked it but I have a feeling it more cute than funny. I hope I did it justice. However, I actually do some research for it. I went to the drug store and actually looked at all the feminine hygiene products available. While I am a female and so I do use those types of products, I have been using the same brand forever and have never actually 'shopped' for them. It was both funny and overwhelming to me just how much stuff is out there and the way they try and get you to buy their products with catch phrases and buzz words that often times don't mean anything. For any males out there reading this, sorry if it's too much info.

Thank you for letting me get all that off my chest. OH! One more thing! Sorry! I sold my house and the escrow closed last week so it's a done deal. Yay! Now all I have to do is find a new place to live. ;o) Anyway, enjoy the chapter. I thought about cutting it into two parts but you've been so patient with me that I decided to keep it whole and give you a slightly longer chapter.

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><p><em><strong>In the last chapter: <strong>_All the Cullens but Carlisle (and Edward and Bella, of course) left for Alaska after Alice saw Bella would be starting her period. We also caught up with Victoria and Riley as they headed to Alaska to see Laurent and we heard a bit more about Victoria's plans. We also saw Charlie calling his friend at the FBI for info on Bella and her supposed entrance into the witness protection program.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 30 <strong>_

**EDWARD**

I stared down at the list in my hand and back up at the wall of confusion that stared back at me. I'd done that so many times since arriving here that had I been human, I probably would have had a crick in my neck. Dragging my hand through my hair for what was probably the hundredth time since I'd entered the aisle, I gave it a hard tug in frustration.

I had no idea this would be so difficult.

Or that it would take so long. Carlisle and I had agreed to do this together just so it wouldn't take so much time, but it wasn't turning out to be a quick process. Consequently, I was already feeling apprehensive about leaving Bella home alone. While I trusted that Bella would no longer try to hurt herself and she and I both had fully charged cell phones in case anything happened at the house, anytime she was alone without myself or someone else with her, I worried.

Two teenage girls, about 14 if I had I to venture to guess, came walking up the aisle toward me. From their minds, I could hear that they were curious as to why I was standing in that particular aisle. I could hear that while they felt a little embarrassed to be picking up what they needed with a boy standing there, they also thought I was attractive rather than creepy so it didn't really bother them too much to find me there. As with the number of other females that I'd seen come through here, I desperately wanted to ask them some questions about what I was seeing on the shelves. However, my frustration was not yet strong enough to outweigh the sheer mortification I felt over the situation and reading their minds had been no help as none of them had thoughts that were strong or developed enough to be much help.

When I was growing up, the items in the aisle were not something you discussed in open, polite conversation with those of the fairer sex. Okay, when I was growing up pretty much none of the items in this aisle had actually existed so they couldn't have been discussed, but the need for them HAD been around back then and that was something that wasn't discussed so it still felt a lot like the same thing to me.

By the time, I'd worked up the nerve to actually say something to the girls, one of them had snatched something off the shelf and they all but ran giggling out of the aisle.

And I was again left alone and clueless. Darn Alice, Rose and Esme for being in Alaska when I needed them. Then again, they probably wouldn't have any more knowledge of the items in question than I did since none of the products would have existed, at least in their current state, when they would have been in need of them.

Perhaps I should have done some internet research before I'd come to the store with Carlisle...

As if thinking my sire's name were enough to conjure him from thin air, he rounded the corner pushing a full shopping cart in front of him. I would have found the image of my very proper non-food-eating father pushing a grocery cart like any good suburban soccer mom very amusing if I wasn't so frustrated. I wasn't sure if his arrival in my aisle was a good thing or not. While he was a practicing doctor in a modern hospital and therefore he might have a little insight into the issue at hand, I just wasn't sure how much. Plus, I didn't really want anyone to witness my embarrassment and my apparent failure to carry out what should have been a simple task.

Thank God Emmett and Jasper weren't here or I'd never live this experience down.

"Edward? What's taking you so long? You only had five things on your list," Carlisle asked me more in bafflement than annoyance. "I've managed to get all the other grocery shopping done and I had a lot more on my list than you did, including the five kinds of ice cream, two kinds of chocolate, and the assorted salty snacks Bella wanted, as well as the actual healthy food she'll need for the next week or two and the heating pad she asked for. I assumed you'd be waiting for me at the checkout counter and was a little concerned when I didn't see you."

Carlisle could have communicated to me mentally of course, as I could hear the thoughts in his head before he spoke them, but in public he always tried to speak aloud when I would need to respond. Otherwise, we risked drawing attention to ourselves when people observed us having what seemed like a one-sided conversation.

"Um, well, I've been having some issues with making a selection."

He frowned. "Why is it so hard? Bella wrote out what she wanted, didn't she?"

"Yes, but..."

"Well, then it shouldn't be difficult to fulfill her requests," Carlisle said matter-of-factly. "I know you're probably a little embarrassed about buying feminine hygiene products for Bella and therefore your thinking could be a bit muddled, but you should just look at it like any other commodity in the store. As we've been telling Bella, the feminine cycle is a normal bodily function and the purchase of products to address it should be a straightforward process."

While it was true that I was more than a little mortified at the prospect of purchasing such items, it had done nothing to impede my mental processes and to be honest, I didn't appreciate him implying anything to the contrary.

A touch irritated, I stared pointedly at him. "If you think it's so easy, then here..." I handed him the list. "... why don't you select the things on Bella's list?"

Nodding, he took the list. "It would seem that might be for the best, Edward, unless we want to stand in the middle of this aisle all afternoon."

Although his words would imply that he was impatient or annoyed with me, I could hear in his mind that he was actually amused and teasing me over the idea that I would let something so simple get the better of me. As he studied the list, I stood back and, listening to his mind, I waited with great interest to see how he would handle things.

"_Now let's see, first thing on the list is tampons – regular and the second thing is tampons – super."_

He stepped forward to a display of said objects and bent to pick up a box. Then he frowned.

"_Wait a minute..."_

I honestly tried not to smirk at him, but it was a losing battle. I really couldn't help it. He was finally beginning to see what the problem was.

"_Which ones should I pick? There are so many."_

"Now you see why I've been standing here for the past twenty minutes," I said aloud.

Carlisle straightened and then walked back over to me. In an almost perfect imitation of me, he spent the next few minutes, glancing from the list to the display in front of us.

"This is ridiculous, it can't be this hard," he finally muttered out loud. His internal verbiage was slightly less polite.

"I know, that's what I thought, but look at all these descriptions," I said waving my hand at the offerings. "Finding tampons in 'regular' and 'super' styles is not an issue, but there are so many of each of those types." I started to rattle them off. "Applicator, non-applicator, scented, unscented, Pearl, Sport, Radiant..."

Carlisle stopped me. "Wait, radiant? How would a tampon be radiant?"

"I don't know, maybe they glow in the dark?" I suggested.

Carlisle snorted at the absurdity of it. "That image is not only absurd but disturbing on a number of levels."

"Well, how else would you explain 'radiant'? The word suggests light or light from within."

He plucked a box of the _Tampax_ 'Radiant' tampons off the shelf and we both studied the back of the box. It said nothing about light or glowing, only about the absorbency and other basic features of the tampon.

"Maybe you feel 'radiant' when you use them," he hypothesized.

"Carlisle, you've been around long enough to observe women, including Bella, when they are having their cycle. How many of them seem like they feel 'radiant' to you during that time?"

"Well, you have me there," he said.

"I think they're just using 'radiant' as a marketing ploy."

"Sounds more like false advertising to me," he observed.

"I'm beginning to suspect that all these tampons have some level of embellishment in their descriptions and packaging," I pointed out. "How else do you explain the other terms they use like Silk Touch, Clean Seal, Pro-Comfort, Sleek, Perfect Touch, Natural Balance, Gentle Glide..."

"Well, I imagine most women would want the Gentle Glide part," Carlisle threw in. "As the particular part of their anatomy in question does not usually respond well to rough treatment."

"Okay, but what about the ones labeled 'Fluid-Lock' and 'Security'?" I grabbed two more boxes of tampons. "Shouldn't they all have 'Fluid-Lock' and 'Security'? After all, isn't that the point of a tampon?" I added.

"Yes, I suppose that it is," he agreed.

I picked up another box and turned it over to read the back. "And what about this one? It says 'Click' on it. How would it 'Click'? Does it work like a ball point pen? And why would you want it to do that?"

"I have no idea, Edward," Carlisle said. "What I want to know is why this one says it has a 'resealable wrapper'? As I understand it, these are all disposable, but having a resealable wrapper suggests that you want to keep it for a period of time or reuse it. That makes no sense and from a medical standpoint is completely unsanitary."

About that time, a women with a young child in her cart came walking down the aisle and noticed us standing there. Unlike the two teenage girls, she did think it was a little strange and creepy that we were in that aisle and her feelings were only made worse given the fact that we were two men who were huddled together over boxes of tampons.

"I know!" Carlisle said, brightening. "We should ask her advice. She's a woman with a child so she must have had a monthly cycle, she must know what kind we should get." Before I could stop him and tell him that I'd tried this already without success, he gave the woman a small wave. "Um, excuse me, ma'am could you please help us answer a few questions?"

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. It only confirmed her suspicious that, despite being good looking, Carlisle and I we were probably up to no good. Actually, she thought we were gay and this was some kind of secret homosexual thing she didn't understand or want to understand. At Carlisle's words, she paled slightly and quickly picked up a package of diapers which were on the other side of the aisle from the feminine products, threw them in her cart and then turning her cart around, scurried the opposite way from us as if we were on fire and she was gasoline.

"Now what was that about?" Carlisle wondered. "I asked nicely and said please."

Although the speculation about being gay didn't really thrill me, I couldn't help but laugh at the debacle this shopping trip had become. Next time we needed these supplies, if Bella still wasn't able to leave the house, I would just let her buy what she wanted from the internet and have it delivered to the house. Surely, there were websites that dealt with these types of supplies.

"Actually, she thought we were homosexuals and up to no good," I explained trying to get control of my laughter.

Carlisle ran a hand over his face. "Well, that's just perfect. All right, Edward, I suggest that we never tell anyone about this excursion. Emmett and Jasper would never let us live it down."

"I'm way ahead of you, Carlisle. Actually, once we get done here, I'm planning on completely blocking out this whole experience."

Now he grinned as we started to replace the boxes of tampons in the proper places on the shelves. "Good man, now back to the issue at hand. We're not making much headway here and if we stay here much longer, we're going to start to draw some real attention, so let's set the tampons aside for the moment and go to the next two things on Bella's list which are pads, both regular and maxi. Maybe selecting them will be more straightforward."

I snorted. "I can see why you might think that, but no, I tried that already and if anything they're worse." I started to rattle off the descriptions I'd seen for the pads. "Regular to Go, Super, New and Improved, Original, Body-Shape, Infinity, Clean Wear, Slender, Ultra Thin, Leak Guard, Leak Guard Plus, Maxi, Long Ultra Thin, Overnight, Overnight Extra Heavy Flow, Maximum Protection, Natural Balances 2, Thermo-Control..."

"Thermo-Control?" Carlisle broke in. "Do the pads control body temperature? How is that possible?"

I picked up the package and read the description. "It says that the _Thermo Control Technology_ wicks away moisture to keep you dry, cool and comfortable."

"Well, while I applaud the idea, I'm still not sure how accurate their description is to their name of this so-called 'technology'."

"Oh, that's nothing. The ones that get me are the wings."

He frowned at me. "Wings? What are you talking about?"

"They have pads with wings," I told him and picked up a new package. "For example these are Overnight with Wings pads."

"Why on earth would they need wings?" he said as we studied the package. "I'm guessing it's not so they can fly away."

"No, I seriously doubt that's the case and I have to admit, bloody flying pads are not an image I'd like to think about," I said barely suppressing a shudder. Even for someone like me with an affinity for blood, the image was disturbing.

"Ohhhh! I see!" Carlisle suddenly exclaimed as if he'd just found the cure to cancer on the back of the package. "It's more like the wings of a building than the wings a bird. They act as little barriers along the side of their underwear. Actually, it's really a rather ingenious idea."

Looking way too pleased with himself, he grinned at me and I couldn't help but shake my head and chuckle. "Lucky for you, I'm forgetting this trip when we get done. Otherwise, I'd make a lot of money from the blackmail you'd have to pay me to keep me from telling the rest of the family that you're acting like you cracked the secret to the universe instead of understanding the intricacies of a feminine hygiene product."

Still smiling, he looked over at me. "Don't forget that blackmail works both ways. I'm sure Emmett would love to know how baffled you were by the selection of five items in the feminine hygiene aisle or how the experience made a random woman question your sexuality."

Well, he certainly had me there. "Fair point."

Carlisle nudged his shoulder against mine. "You know what else I noticed?" he began. "The manufacturers seem to have a problem with spelling."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at the packaging. A number of prominent words are spelled wrong. 'Compak instead of 'compact', 'Multi-pax' instead of 'Multi-packs,' 'Dri-lock' instead of 'Dry-lock', 'Xtra Protection' instead of "Extra Protection, 'Flexi-wings' instead of..." he paused. "Actually, I don't know what should really be there for 'flexi' as I don't think that's even remotely a word and what in heaven's name is 'Acti-Fresh'?"

"I have no idea," I mumbled as we studied some of the misspelled words. "You know, I don't remember reading in medical school that having a monthly cycle diminishes a woman's brain function so much that they lose the ability to spell correctly, so why do the companies that market these products misspell things so often? If I was a woman, I'd be outraged that they didn't think I had a brain."

"If you were a woman, I think Bella would be the one to be outraged," he said snickering in a very un-Carlisle like way.

"Ha, Ha," I deadpanned. "You're very funny today."

"Well, the current subject matter does lend itself to humor," he said as he composed himself. "All right, moving on from pads since we're still not getting much accomplished."

"Okay, but be forewarned, I didn't have much better luck with the last item than I did with the first four."

Frowning, he looked at me and then back at the list. "Well, the last thing Bella wrote down was _Midol_. I believe it's a analgesic that should help with her cramps and among other things, it also has a mild diuretic in it to help with bloating," he explained helpfully.

I sighed. "I know what it is, Carlisle."

"Okay, well, finding it shouldn't be too hard."

I pointed to a spot to our left. "It's right there," I said helpfully.

"Good." Just has he had earlier, he stepped forward and started to reach out but then pulled back. "Oh, no, not again," he muttered.

"You know, Carlisle, one of the qualities I've always admired about you is your ability to quickly assess a difficult situation," I said dryly.

He shot me an annoyed look as he turned back to the display and started reading off the different kinds of Midol. "Let's see... Liquid Gels, Extended Relief, Teen and Complete. Well, at least there's only four kinds." He studied the back of each box. "Ah, I see each of them have a slightly different formulation. Despite the fact that Bella is still technically a teenager, I don't think we'll need the Teen formulation, but as for the other three..." He gave me with a somewhat helpless look. "...unless I flip a coin, I don't know which one to pick."

"Now you see why I was I standing here so long."

"We could call Bella and let her decide," he suggested.

I shook my head. "I already thought about that. She said she was going to take a nap and I don't want to risk waking her up." I leveled a look at him. Maybe it was it was my pride but I wanted to do this for her. "Besides, she gave me a list of five things to get for her and it doesn't seem like to much to ask for me to perform such a simple task without having to call her every five minutes."

While what I said was true, it was also true that I didn't want Bella thinking I was checking up on her by calling her. I wanted to show her that I trusted her to take of herself for however long it would take for Carlisle and I to make this shopping trip.

Carlisle sighed in defeat. "All right, but according to Alice and given the way Bella was feeling this morning, it would appear that like she's going to need these supplies by tomorrow at the latest. What do you want to do?"

I stared at the baffling display and debated what we should do. "I'm going to get another cart."

**BELLA**

Lifting my arms over my head, I stretched languidly on the couch as I woke up from my nap. Sleeping, even in the case of a nap, was so much better, not to mention restful when I wasn't plagued with nightmares.

Toying with a lock of my hair, I looked over at the TV and the cooking show that was currently playing with the volume on low. I'd turned the TV on before I went sleep because the house was too quiet otherwise.

Speaking of which, I had to admit that it felt very strange to be alone in the house. As far as I knew it was the first time since I'd started venturing out of my room that I'd been the only one in the house. I knew it was difficult for Edward to leave me alone, not because he was worried that I'd hurt myself as we'd long since gotten past that, but because he worried something might happen to me while he was gone, especially when no one he trusted was with me either. So I appreciated the fact that while Edward probably could have handled the shopping by himself, he asked Carlisle to go along with him to make the trip faster and to show me that he trusted me to be home alone while he was gone.

On the off chance they'd come home while I'd been asleep and were just being stealthy so they didn't wake me up, I sat up.

"EDWARD?!" I called out. "CARLISLE?!"

Although I didn't have super hearing like the rest of the family, I didn't hear anything except for the low sound of the TV and a faint echo of my own call so I figured they hadn't come home. Then there was the fact that I knew if they'd been home my yelling would have brought both of them running.

Glancing at the time on the cable box, I saw that I'd slept for nearly an hour. I frowned a little at that. They'd left about a half hour before I fell asleep and I didn't think they'd be gone this long. Even though neither of them ate food or had spent much time in a grocery store, between the two of them it should have only taken them about a half hour to forty-five minutes to get everything I'd put on the list. I'd felt a little strange asking Edward to get my monthly supplies but he offered and even sounded eager so I'd swallowed any weirdness I'd felt and given him a list of what I would need in addition to the regular grocery list.

I rubbed lightly at my abdomen and the bloated, vaguely achy feeling that had been building there on and off all day. I knew the feeling meant that I would indeed be needing the supplies he was picking up for me. In fact, it was getting to the point that I would need to take some ibuprofen soon or if Edward and Carlisle got back in the next hour, some of the _Midol_ I had put on the list.

Glancing at the coffee table, I considered the cell phone that was sitting next to my iPad. I thought about using it to call Edward to see when he and Carlisle would be home, but I didn't want him to think I couldn't be home by myself for a couple of hours so I discarded the idea and reached for my iPad instead to keep me occupied.

Not in the mood to read, I opened up _Angry Birds_ and lost myself in trying to help the birds defeat the evil green pigs. The next thing I knew, I heard the door from garage into the kitchen being opened and the slight rustle of grocery bags being carried into the kitchen. Putting my iPad to sleep, I set it down on the coffee table, got up and went to greet them.

As I walked into the kitchen, both Edward and Carlisle were setting a large number of shopping bags on the kitchen island. An unexpected wave of relief went through me when I saw Edward. I really had missed him.

"Hey, I was beginning to wonder about you two," I teased with a smile.

The two of them exchanged an odd look, then Edward answered. "Sorry that we took so long, we had a few... complications."

I studied both of them for a moment. From Edward's tone and the looks he and Carlisle kept giving each other, I knew that there had to be a story there. Their expressions were a cross between embarrassment, guilt and, oddly enough, amusement and it made me as curious as hell as to just what had happened at the grocery store.

"Complications?" I ventured.

"Um, yes. I'll explain more later," he said evasively as he and Carlisle turned to go back to the garage.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"To get the rest of the bags," Edward called over his shoulder as he and Carlisle walked out to the garage.

"The rest of them? You mean there's more?" I called after them.

Edward popped his head back around the corner. "Just a couple, oh, and uh, don't worry about unloading the bags, I'll do it when we finish bringing everything in." And with that he disappeared.

A little baffled, I looked at the bags they'd already brought in and wondered how much more there could be. With Edward and Carlisle's strength they'd been able to carry quite a few in already. My list hadn't been that long and there were a great number of bags already piled on the counter. They weren't the standard flimsy plastic grocery bags either, these were the larger, sturdier reusable shopping bags so they held a lot more.

Despite Edward's words, I figured it was only fair that I should help put away what they'd so graciously picked up for me at the grocery store and so I started to unload the bags they'd brought in.

At first I thought I was seeing things when I saw one and then another and then yet another box of tampons of the same absorbency level and all in different brands. Maybe Edward had been confused and gotten three boxes of super by mistake instead of one box of super and one box of regular that I'd asked for.

But as I continued to unpack the bags, I began to see a definite pattern. A confusing pattern, but a pattern nonetheless. I was pretty sure that there were as many feminine hygiene products as there were regular grocery or food products and that was just from the bags they'd already brought in. Lord only knew what was in the remaining bags. Just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, I started to separate everything. Standard grocery items went on one counter and feminine hygiene products went on the other.

Just then, Edward and Carlisle returned with another truckload of shopping bags. So much for there just being a 'couple' more.

Edward saw what I was doing and froze in the doorway with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. "Bella, you don't need to do that; I said I would put everything away. Why don't you go and sit down in the living room?"

Ignoring his suggestion, I shot him a raised eyebrow that said I smelled something rotten in the state of Denmark. "So is there a reason why you bought three kinds of _Midol_, nine different kinds of tampons and uh, let's see..." I began to count off the others. "...four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve... twelve kinds of pads?"

The look between them was back as Edward glanced over his shoulder at Carlisle and I had a feeling I was getting close to the elusive story behind their odd behavior.

"Um, well..." Edward tried, but appeared to be at a loss to say much more than that. "What was the question again?"

I sent Edward a bemused look as my gaze shifted to Carlisle as he tried to hide behind Edward. I wasn't angry at their evasion. If anything, I was really amused and couldn't wait to hear what had lead up to this massive stockpiling of feminine hygiene products.

"Carlisle, since Edward doesn't seem to be able to answer my question, do you want to give it a try?"

"Uh... they were, uh, on sale?" he asked. Then apparently realizing he'd accidentally come up with a vaguely plausible answer, he grinned proudly. "YES! We got so many because they were on sale."

I bit the inside of my lip to keep from laughing. The vampires before me with the super brains and the chameleon-like ability to assume various identities to keep the general population from finding out who they really were, couldn't apparently throw together a story about the grocery store and feminine hygiene products to save their lives. I now had a strong suspicion that the real reason Edward had offered to put everything away for me was because he was hoping that I didn't see all the stuff he and Carlisle had bought.

I nodded my head sagely. "Oh, I see, there was a sale. It must have been some sale. Most sales only cover one brand, but between what we have here and what I suspect you're carrying in those bags, you've got about every type of feminine hygiene product I've ever heard of."

"Yes, it was a big, big sale," Carlisle said sounding more confident now. The sale idea was apparently his official story and he was sticking to it.

As for Edward, he was beginning to look more and more guilty. If I had to say, I would guess that the lies they were telling me, as likely innocent as they were, weren't sitting right with him as he'd promised not to lie to me ever again and he took such things very seriously.

"Well, you realize of course, that you have enough products here to last me for five or six years, right?" I said keeping my focus on Edward as I figured he was probably the weakest link and would likely crack first. "I mean, unless you have something to tell me? Alice said I was going to have a heavy period but she didn't say I was going to hemorrhage or anything and that's about what would need to happen if you think I'm going to need all this."

"No, it's nothing like that, you'll be fine," Carlisle said quickly as he skirted Edward and deposited his bags on the counter. "Oh, my, look at the time. If you'll excuse me, I've got to leave for my shift at the hospital." I knew for a fact, his shift at the hospital didn't start for another hour.

Without another word, Carlisle vanished as he fled the kitchen at vampire speed and I heard the door into the garage slam as he made his exit. That left Edward and I to face each other over the kitchen island, with Edward literally holding the bag, or bags in this case.

I continued to level a stare at him as he quietly set his bags on the counter beside Carlisle's. "So are you gonna stick to the 'there was a sale' story too? Or are you going to take a shot at telling me the truth?"

Edward's shoulders slumped in resignation. "I'm sorry, Bella, I never meant to lie to you," he said, sincerity pouring off of him. "I know I promised not to do that again but..." He let out a long sigh. "... the whole experience was just so mortifying."

Not only did he look so embarrassed that if he'd been human I was sure he'd be blushing right about now, but he also looked a little lost and defeated. It made me feel instantly bad for teasing him.

"Edward, I was just giving you and Carlisle a hard time," I said gently as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek against his chest. "I'm not mad. But can you tell me what really happened?"

Wrapping his arms around me in response, he rested his chin on the top of my head and was quiet for a long time before he finally spoke. "Okay, but Carlisle and I have agreed to never speak of it again so you have to promise you won't tell anyone, especially Emmett and Jasper. Oh, and the girls too since they'd most likely tell my brothers just to embarrass us." He sighed. "Of course, that ship may have sailed since Alice probably already saw what took place."

I pulled back to look at him. "What the heck happened? How much trouble could you get into at the grocery store?"

"You'd be surprised," he muttered.

"Okay, now I'm dying of curiosity, you have to tell me. I swear I won't say anything to anyone," I promised.

He sighed again. "All right, I'll tell you while we put everything away."

So as we started to put away the groceries, not to mention adding to the literal mound of feminine hygiene products on the counter, he told me the tale of the two vampires and the feminine hygiene aisle. By the time he got done, I was trying very hard not to laugh.

"And so you're solution was to buy one of everything?" I managed to say as we stood staring at the impressive amount of supplies.

"Well, I didn't want to risk getting the wrong kind," he said with chagrin.

I gave him a smile to let him know I wasn't annoyed. "You could have called me, you know."

"I know, and I thought about doing just that and Carlisle even suggested it at one point, but I didn't want you to think that I couldn't take care of such a simple task or that..." he dragged a hand through his hair and scrubbed at the back of his neck.

"That what?" I prompted.

He dropped his hand and sighed again. "I didn't want you to think that I was making up some story just so I could check up on you and make sure you were all right."

I stared up at him and any urge I had to laugh was overtaken by how touched I was. He'd was willing, even eager to buy these supplies for me, something that most men would out right refuse to do for their wives or girlfriends and he didn't want me to think less of him when he ran into trouble doing it.

Had he gone overboard with buying so many things? Yes.

Had he let his pride get a little out of control in not asking me for some help or direction? Yes.

But that was all negated by the fact that even though I was sure he was worried about leaving me alone, he still wanted me to know that he trusted me and had enough respect for me that he wasn't going to treat me like a ten year old kid being left home by myself for the first time. In my mind, what he'd done was incredibly sweet and considerate and while I would keep my promise not to tell anyone about it, the story was going to be one that I savored, not to mention giggled over for a long time. I'd have to remember to write it in my journal.

"Bella, love, please don't cry," Edward said plaintively as he brushed at a tear trailing down my cheek.

I sniffed and gave him a slightly watery smile as I swiped at a few more stray tears. "Sorry, I didn't realize I was. PMS I guess."

He looked a little panicked. "Are you okay?"

I put my arms around him and hugged him. "I'm great. Thank you for being so sweet."

He hugged me back. "I just wanted to do this right and I hate that I botched it."

Pulling back, I swatted him lightly on the chest, being sure not to break my hand. "Stop berating yourself, you didn't botch it." We both sat down at the breakfast bar and turned back to look at the mound of products lining the opposite counter. "Besides, look at it this way, we won't need to buy anything for quite a while, especially if the medication they put me on helps to lessen my periods."

"Good, because Carlisle and I already decided at some point in the distant future when you need these products again and if you still can't go out and get them yourself, we'll set it up so you can order what you want from the internet," he said now smiling and clearly relieved that I wasn't angry or upset with him.

Purposefully, I stayed focused on the counter of products and didn't turn back to him right away so he wouldn't see the little frown that crossed my face when he mentioned me having my period for a long time into the future. Having my period meant that in his mind I was going to remain human for quite a while. The issue of him changing me was one of the few forbidden topics we still had, really the only one, and we both avoided it like the plague. And while I had no plans to bring up the subject and risk it coming between us again, it still hurt a little that he apparently didn't have any plans to contradict me on the subject.

Shoving the thought aside, I carefully schooled my face into a passable grin as I finally turned back to him. "You realize of course that if you want to keep this story from everyone, we'll need to find somewhere to stash all this stuff before they come home from Alaska."

"I know, but at least we have a few weeks before they get back," he replied. "Or maybe we can just rent a storage locker for it all."

We both laughed at that. Given that things were back to normal between us, it seemed like as good a time as any to bring up something I wanted to talk to him about when we were alone. "Um, Edward, can I ask you something?"

Sobering, he frowned a little. "Of course, love. You can ask me anything."

"Carlisle I can understand since he's so desensitized to human blood, but won't it be hard for you to be here while I'm having my period, especially a heavy one?"

He considered that. "I'm not worried."

"Why not? I thought my blood was very tempting for you. Has that changed?"

He took my hand in his. "It's a little hard to put into words, Bella, but your blood doesn't command the grip on me that it used to. I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now."

This time I had no problem letting my frown show. "I guess that's a good thing then," I said quietly.

While it was good in one respect, it made me doubt myself in others. Did his words mean that he didn't want me as much as before? Was I somehow less than I had been?

"So does that mean..." my voice trailed off as I couldn't finish my thought out loud.

"Does it mean what?"

"Well, does it mean your feelings for me are..." I swallowed and forced out the words. "... less than they were before?"

Closing his eyes, he took a minute to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration before he lifted his gaze back to mine. "No, not at all. If anything my feelings for you are stronger now than they've ever been. Bella, you need to understand that when I came back to Forks to find you and you were already gone, I had to face the very real possibility that you were dead or lost to me forever." He gripped my hand a little tighter. "Having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you... my reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that would inspire that kind of pain. I guess you could call it a very educational experience. It changed the way I look at a lot of things."

Now he lifted my hand to his mouth and gently kissed each of my knuckles. "Never think that I don't love you and want you with everything I have."

I suddenly felt hot and light-headed, both from his words and the feeling of his cool lips on my skin. His words swept through me washing away all doubt in him and in myself. My body felt drawn to his like a magnet to steel and it was all I could do not to climb into his lap. Our relationship seemed to be growing steadily closer to a new level and I hoped that someday very soon we would be ready to see just what it felt like to have our bodies skin to skin with no barriers between us.

Needing more than just the touch of his mouth on my knuckles, I held our joined hands to my chest and leaned across the small gap that separated us until only a whisper was between our lips. "I love you too, more than I ever thought was possible. So much so that sometimes feel like I'll explode from it."

And with that, I closed the tiny gap between us and kissed him in a slow, wet caress of lips, tongue and shared breath until I heard him groan and then nothing else mattered or registered in my senses but the taste and feel of his mouth under mine.

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Up next in Chapter 31 (which hopefully will post in two weeks):<strong>_ Alice and the rest of the Cullens check on Charlie and while they are in Forks they have an unexpected encounter (then we'll be getting back to Bella and Edward).


	31. Chapter 31

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's note:**_ Thanks to everyone that left me reviews, feedback and messages of support. I really appreciate all your kind words. Another huge note of thanks to those that are either following or have favorited me and my stories.

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><p><em><strong>Last Chapter (Chapter 30):<strong>_ Edward and Carlisle had an interesting trip to the grocery store for 'monthly' supplies for Bella (and I'm so glad you all liked that chapter). Then afterward, Edward and Bella had some quality time where they talked and continued to grow closer.

As for this chapter, sorry but there's no Bella and Edward. This one is all about Alice and the family as they go to Alaska, but there's no Victoria, at least not directly. It's not super long, but there are a few interesting tidbits that I would recommend you read it for.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 31<strong>_

**ALICE**

I stared blankly into the darkness as the vision washed over me. Then I started laughing and I was lucky that I didn't fall out of the tree I was sitting in.

"Careful there, darlin' or someone's going to hear you," Jasper's voice came from below me.

"I... I... I'm sor... sorry," I gasped, still giggling softly as I looked down to see him climbing up the tree toward my shadowy perch.

"All right, I give, what's so funny?" he said with a grin as he sat down beside me on the branch and closed the distance between us to give me a quick kiss.

I leaned into him and managed to get a hold of myself... mostly. "Edward is being an idiot. I knew I should have gone to the grocery store for him. I offered to do just that before we left but he insisted on doing it and I had a lot of packing to do so I just let it go."

Jasper frowned. "Why is him going to the grocery store so funny?"

"It was actually him and Carlisle," I told him as the image went through my head again and I was unable to stop a new round of giggles. "Let's just say it involved... the two of them and... a shopping cart full of... feminine hygiene products." I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the full out laugh I wanted to make. We were pretty high up in the tree so I didn't think it was possible for anyone to hear us, but I didn't want to take any chances.

He grinned. "Damn, Emmett and I miss all the fun. You'll have to give us the details later. I'm sure we'll be able to use it to torment Edward somehow." He looked down from our perch at the object of our interest. "Has anything been going on down there?"

Taking a deep breath, I finally managed to get a hold of my laughter. "Nope, Charlie's in his office and he's been hunched over his desk the whole time I've been here," I told him as we stared down into the window of Charlie's office at the police station far below and the sight of Bella's father doing paperwork with his back to the window. "I think he's working the graveyard shift."

"Well, as it's midnight and he's in the office by himself, I'd say that you're probably right," he said with a teasing grin.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Well, at least we can tell Bella he's okay. Did you find anything at their house?"

"No, as expected it was just his scent and that of a few random visitors; none of which were very recent," he said. "I don't think the Chief has been overly social the last few months and that includes Victoria. There were no traces of her scent or any others of our kind anywhere in the house."

"That's good," I murmured as Charlie got up to put away a file and poured himself a cup of coffee before sitting down again.

Part of me relaxed at hearing that Victoria hadn't been inside Charlie's house and part of me did not. I'd been getting stronger and stronger impressions of Victoria ever sense we left New York and it had me concerned.

Jasper frowned a bit as he read my worried mood. "Are you still having visions of Victoria?"

I pursed my lips thoughtfully. "They're not visions of her exactly, more like impressions of her."

"Like the red ribbon you told Carlisle about?" he prompted.

I nodded. "Yes. As you know, usually my visions are literal, but there are times, like with Victoria that they're subjective or a mixture of the two. In this case, I keep seeing flashes of red either as some kind of ribbon or as a red haze in a number of visions about Bella," I paused. "But there's nothing concrete to show me what she's going to do and what's even stranger is that I've seen the same thing in a couple of visions I've had of Esme."

His frown deepened. "Do you think Victoria is going to go after Esme too?"

"It's possible, but what I can't figure out is why. Edward I could see being a target, but not Esme."

He studied me for a moment. "We'll have to be sure to tell everyone when we get back to the house so we can keep an extra close eye on Esme."

I rubbed at my forehead in annoyance. "It's so frustrating not being able to see more clearly."

He pulled my hand away from my forehead and kissed it tenderly. "You don't give yourself enough credit, darlin'. You already do so much to keep us safe, don't beat yourself up because you can't see what the crazy redhead is planning."

"I know you're right. It just feels like a storm is coming and I want us to be ready."

"We will be," he said putting his arm around me. "Even the small amount you've seen has us on our guard for Victoria where we wouldn't be normally."

I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder. "At least we can honestly tell Bella that Charlie's fine and there's no sign of Victoria."

"She'll definitely be relieved to hear that," Jasper agreed.

The two of us sat quietly for a few more minutes as we watched Charlie slaving away at his desk. While he definitely looked like the past months had aged him, I was glad that we could tell Bella he was alive and well.

"Well, I guess there isn't much more we can do here," I told him. "You want to go back to the house?"

He nodded. "Yeah, by now everyone should be about ready to head for the airport."

The two of us jumped down from the tree and headed back to our house where we'd left Esme, Rosalie and Emmett to check on things there.

Since the weather was not supposed to be bad, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and I had flown into Seattle from New York and then run to Forks on foot. While it was not a short trip, it gave us a chance to stretch our legs and hunt before we ran back to Seattle to catch the flight that would take us to Anchorage tomorrow morning. Once we arrived in Anchorage, we'd rent a car and make the three hour drive north to the Denali's home just outside of Talkeetna, Alaska.

We were about halfway between Forks and our house when my precognitive senses suddenly went black as if they were a candle being snuffed out. In response, I came to a dead stop. Jasper must have sensed the surprise bordering on panic I was feeling because although he had run past me when I stopped, he was back by my side in a flash.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I don't know, all of a sudden our futures went dark."

"Dark?" he asked.

"Yes, I can't see anything. I've never..." My voice trailed off as a four enormous wolves emerged from the dense group of trees in front of us with eyes that glittered dangerously in the dark.

"What the hell?" Jasper muttered as the wolves continued to stalk forward until they were only about 30 feet away and stood growling at us with their hackles raised.

We'd hunted and fed from wolves before so we weren't in any way afraid of these creatures, but aside from their amazing size, the strange thing was that these wolves didn't act or smell at all like other wolves we'd seen in the past. Most animals avoided us like the plague as they sensed we were higher on the food chain than they were and most definitely a predator. These wolves didn't seem to care about that and their smell was quite... pungent and very unappetizing.

"Too bad Emmett's not here, he'd probably love making a midnight snack out of these wolves," Jasper joked.

"Not with the way they smell," I said, wrinkling my nose. "I don't think even Emmett would be able to stomach that."

Jasper snorted. "Darlin' you're talking about a guy that once tried skunk. Our brother is many things, but picky is not one of them. And I'm sure these wolves would give him plenty of sport which he likes almost better than the kill sometimes."

Apparently, the wolves not only understood our conversation but didn't think it was all that amusing because they started growling at us.

Jasper frowned. "Do you think they understood us?"

"It looks like it, but how is that even possible?" I asked him.

"I have no idea. I've never heard of such a thing."

I was starting to feel a little itchy without my visions. As intrigued as I was by these creatures, if they were the ones negating my powers, I wanted to get away from them sooner rather than later. "Look, Jazz, we don't have time for this. Let's go," I urged.

Jasper nodded and we turned to go. As we moved, the wolves moved to block us, all in a formation that couldn't have been better choreographed if they had been humans and had practiced it. They almost acted as if they were of one mind.

Jasper stepped in close to me and let out a growl of his own which didn't seem to faze the wolves in the least. "Well, now. Isn't this interesting? We seem to find ourselves at some kind of standoff."

Despite his growl, Jasper's voice was curious rather than concerned, but he moved in closer to me. Clearly, something was up with these creatures. I wondered for a moment if they were actual werewolves, but I somehow doubted that's what we were dealing with. While I didn't question that werewolves existed, my understanding was that they lived predominantly in Europe and Asia and they were nearly extinct after the Volturi had hunted most of them down and wiped them out. I'd also heard that true werewolves were feral and solitary creatures that did not hunt in packs, which is why it hadn't been that difficult for the Volturi to pick them off. The creatures blocking our path were clearly in a pack and seemed to be too controlled to be werewolves as I knew them.

We had a very long and slightly annoying staring contest with the wolves until finally one of them, a large black one that looked to be the leader, glanced back at a large russet wolf on his flank. The russet wolf bobbed his head in a nod and then disappeared back into the trees. The entire interchange appeared to be more human than animal.

"Are they communicating?" Jasper asked.

"That's what it looks like to me," I said. "They must have some kind of silent method of communication."

"You mean..." Jasper started to say, but he broke off when a figure on two legs appeared from where the russet wolf had disappeared.

The figure walked toward us until he stood next to the large black wolf. He appeared to be a very tall human male in his early to mid-twenties, but he still had the very pungent smell that I'd noted earlier in the wolves. He was also barefoot and dressed simply in a pair of cut-off denim shorts. Unless I missed my guess, this person WAS the russet wolf, or had been. His dark hair and skin and his general features suggested he was Native American and I wondered for a moment if he was one of the Indians from the nearby Quileute Reservation.

"I think they might be Quileutes," I guessed.

"The ones Carlisle told us about from when they lived here a long time ago?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, he said they were shape shifters that appeared as wolves."

"But how is that possible?" Jasper asked. "That was a long time ago. These can't be the same wolves."

Before I could even offer up a guess, the man spoke. "What do you want here, bloodsuckers?" he snarled angrily.

If they were who I thought they were, then they posed a slight threat to us and although I had no doubt we could outrun and out fight them it if came to that, I didn't want to start anything that could have serious ramifications down the road. Carlisle had told us that we had a treaty with them and I wasn't going to be the one to break it. Right now, we were only looking at four of these creatures; whose to say there weren't more of them out there? The fact that they were annoying us wasn't worth starting some kind of war over. I decided to tread carefully.

"We're part of Carlisle Cullen's family," I said.

"We know who you are," he sneered, not at all sounding like being a Cullen was any great prize in his mind.

"We mean you no harm," Jasper told him. "We only feed on animals not humans."

I hoped their night vision was as good as ours. "You can see our eyes are gold and not red," I added. "If you still need to verify our story, you can ask the rest of our family about it. They're back at our home, which is where we were heading when you intercepted us."

The young man's angry expression didn't change. "Yeah, that's just what we want to do, spend the rest of the night within smelling distance of a bunch of bloodsuckers. And for the record, your eyes were what kept us from killing you as soon as we smelled you. You're also lucky we haven't heard any stories of mysterious deaths and you don't have the smell of blood on you or we might have killed you first and looked at your eye color later while we were burning your corpses."

"In your dreams, mongrel," Jasper said with a little growl. Clearly, he'd had enough of their posturing. "You can't really believe you could lay a finger on us."

The Quileute's eyes narrowed. "Well, there's one sure way to find out," he replied. "We're always up for a good fight."

"Knock it off you two!" I yelled. "You're acting like two kids in the school yard."

Jasper was still growling a little but before he could say anything more the wolves began sniffing the air. After a moment, he looked back at us and his expression turned even angrier. "Why do you smell like Charlie Swan's house?"

Oh crap. How were we supposed to explain why Jasper had been in Charlie's house without raising questions about Bella?

"His daughter Bella was my best friend," I said. "Jasper stopped by the house to check on her and Chief Swan but they weren't home."

To my surprise, the young man snorted. "Yeah, some best friend you were. One that abandoned her, left her broken, and then you just come waltzing back in when it suits you? Well, newsflash princess, she's gone, has been for a while now so you've wasted your trip."

I wondered briefly if this was the Quileute that Edward and Bella had both mentioned in the past, he sure sounded like he knew Bella, but neither of them had said anything about him or his friends being werewolves or shape shifters. Then it occurred to me that a young Native American boy had come to our prom last year and had danced with Bella. Edward had told me later that his name was Jacob Black and that he'd carried a message from the tribe saying they'd be watching us.

But wait, this couldn't be the same person. The boy that had come to the dance had been young, maybe sixteen. The man that faced us now looked to be in his mid-twenties. Unless he'd had come kind of unprecedented growth spurt, this couldn't be Jacob Black. Perhaps this was his older brother or some other Quileute that had known Bella.

Pulling myself from my musings, I jumped back into the conversation. "Yes, Jasper could tell she'd been gone for a while. There were extenuating circumstances when we left and we never meant to hurt her."

"Yeah, sure, right. 'Cause bloodsuckers are known for caring about the feelings of their food," he sneered.

I could have said a multitude of things to try and explain myself and my family, but when it came down to it, he was right and I didn't have any defense for my actions or my part in leaving Bella. In any case, I don't think he was in a very charitable or forgiving mood anyway so I didn't even try.

"Well, if there's nothing else, we'd like to get back to our family," I said as we started to move to go around them.

"Hold up, there is something else," the Quileute said. "We've got a few questions for you."

"Why should we answer your questions?" Jasper demanded in a low threatening voice. "You're treating us like we're criminals or something. We're not violating the treaty you established with Carlisle, we're not on your land, and we haven't bitten anyone. You have no right to interrogate us."

Folding his arms, the Quileute smirked. "You should answer our questions because there's four of us and two of you."

"So you're saying you're outnumbered then?" Jasper said with a smirk.

The Quileute's anger flared and he took a step toward us. "Why you filthy..." He didn't get any further than that before the large black wolf turned and let out a yip. The man had a minor staring contest with the wolf, but then the wolf just shook his huge head and the man's posture relaxed slightly and he folded his arm over his chest again.

"Go ahead, run if you want to," he challenged. "You might get away, but you should know that we're pretty damn fast and I'd be willing to bet we could catch you."

This guy was really starting to get on my nerves with the whole macho dominant thing. From what I could see, they were all just overgrown dogs playing at being big, bad werewolves. What's more, we really didn't have time for all this posturing, so I took the bull by the horns or the wolf by the tail in this case and spoke up.

"What do you want to know, pup?" I said. I was probably poking a stick in a hornets' nest with the 'pup' crack but this guy was really very annoying. "We haven't got all day. Ask your questions so we can leave."

"How many bloodsuckers are there in your group?"

I debated about lying for a moment but didn't really see the benefit of doing so. We'd already told them that our family was back at the house. Lying now seemed like a wasted effort. "Including the two of us, there are five."

"Why are you here?"

"We're just passing through on our way to Alaska and wanted to stop and check on Bella and Charlie and our house," I told him.

"And how long are you going to be in the area?"

"Just overnight," Jasper answered for me. "We'll be leaving in a few hours to go back to Seattle."

He stared at us for a long moment; then he looked down at the large black wolf who gave a curt nod.

"Fine; then go meet the rest of your group and leave. Oh, and if you know what's good for you, you'll steer clear of Chief Swan and his house and you'll forget that you ever heard of Bella Swan. They're under our protection."

Jasper snorted again. "Some protection. Bella Swan is gone and if Chief Swan wasn't sheriff he'd be a hermit. You obviously take excellent care of your charges."

A flash of pain and yearning went across the Quileute's face, but then it was gone, replaced once again by the angry sneer. "Yeah, well at least we're around. The two of you and the rest of your so called 'family' can't say the same thing."

I exchanged a look with Jasper. Once again, we couldn't really say much in our defense without outing Bella. So without another word, we took off for the house and didn't even begin to slow down until we were sure there were no signs of pursuit.

**LATER THE NEXT DAY...**

"Alice?"

In the back seat, I jerked myself back from my thoughts. "I'm sorry, Esme, what did you say?"

It had been about 12 hours since our encounter with the wolves. Our 6 am flight out of Seattle had gone without a hitch and we were now settled in a very comfortable car with Rose at the wheel and headed for Talkeetna. The main topic of conversation during this leg of the trip had been the encounter Jasper and I'd had with the wolves the night before. Of course, Emmett was annoyed that he'd missed out on a potential fight, but Esme and Rose were just relieved that no real violence had taken place.

"I said you've been awfully quiet today," Esme repeated. "Is everything all right?"

"I've just been thinking."

"About what?" Jasper said from beside me.

"Something that happened with the wolves triggered an idea about Victoria."

"What about Victoria?" Rose put in. She was very concerned, as we all were about the very real possibility that Victoria might get to Bella.

"Well, we've always suspected that one of Victoria's talents is her ability to get away and on top of that, she's difficult to track. We thought that she did it by purposely not making a lot of decisions which makes it hard for me to see what she was going to do until it was almost too late. Right?"

"Right," they all agreed.

"But what if it's more than that or that's not it at all? Clearly, the wolves are a blind spot to me. That's why the future for Jasper and I disappeared when we were around them and it goes without saying that even if I wasn't in close proximity to the wolves, I still wouldn't have been able to see their future actions either." I could see the light dawn in Jasper's eyes but he remained silent as I continued. "What if Victoria is kind of a blind spot for me too? Not to the point where she totally blocks out other visions like the wolves do, but at the very least her abilities don't allow me to see her actions clearly even when they involve people I'm watching."

"You mean like she's invisible or nearly invisible to your gift?" Jasper supplied.

"Exactly!"

"It would definitely go along with her whole stealth Ninja thing she has going on," Emmett put in.

"Yes, not only is she good at evasion and getting away, but maybe it's just naturally difficult for me to see her actions and all I get is this general red ribbon or red mist I've been seeing when she's somehow involved."

"So you mean our assumption that she's not making a lot of concrete decisions to throw you off isn't actually a factor at all?" Esme asked.

"I'm not sure," I murmured. "If she is being careful about making decisions, it might make things more difficult than they could be for me to see her, but I'm beginning to wonder just how much that plays into it. After all, she had to make the decision to break into the Forks High School office to get Bella's address in Arizona for James but I didn't see her doing it. At the time, I just chalked that up to being concerned for Bella and concentrating too hard on James, but now I'm beginning to rethink that."

"Did you see any kind of red in your vision back then?" Rose asked.

I considered that. "You know, now that you mention it, I think I did. At times, I remember seeing a very thin red ribbon or thread in some of my visions back then. It wasn't nearly as big as it is now but that's probably because Victoria was a minor player back then. Now she's the whole ballgame so the image is more pronounced."

"I think you may have hit on something, darlin'," Jasper said taking my hand. "But the problem is that it's going to make finding and stopping Victoria a whole lot more difficult than we originally thought."

I refused to argue with Jasper when he was right, so I just sighed. "I know. I guess we'll just have to be on our guard. The one thing we have going for us is that there's no way that Victoria knows where Bella is."

If I'd only known then how wrong my statement was going to turn out to be, I would have made Rose turn the car around and head straight back to the airport and home.

TBC...

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><p>Dun, Dun, Dun... Oooo, hints of some upcoming drama. I had some comments from readers asking how Alice could not possibly see at least something of what Victoria was planning and this chapter is an out growth of my response to that. I hope you enjoyed seeing the wolves, but I doubt we will see them again in this story.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Next chapter:<strong>_ You will be glad to hear that the next chapter will be all about Bella and Edward. There will be some more talking and some citrusy goodness. The only problem is that I haven't finished writing said chapter and I'm trying to find a place to live so time is not on my side and I don't know exactly when that chapter will be done. I will try for two weeks but I can't promise. As I said in an earlier post when I do post it will be on Saturday and I WILL finish this story. As a thank you for your patience, here's a little teaser from Chapter 32...

"_Is your back still bothering you?" Edward asked._

_I sighed tiredly. The cramps in my back weren't something that I'd had with my previous periods but Carlisle said it was not that unusual under the circumstances. With the heavy period I was having, he said the cramps I was feeling were more like labor contractions than standard period cramps and that included lower back cramps. _

"_Yes, it feels like one big knot."_

"_Well, let's see what I can do about that." Edward shifted us so that we were lying chest to chest with me on top of him. "Close your eyes and just relax," he murmured in my ear._

_Although it felt strange to be draped over Edward like a blanket, I did as he asked and let my body go limp. To my surprise, I felt the aches and pains in the lower part of my body ease a little. _

_Both of his hands moved down to my lower back and I felt his fingers slide my t-shirt up and the waistband of my loose fitting cotton pants down slightly to expose my lower back. Then his fingers and knuckles began to carefully and rhythmically rub along my back and spine._

_I couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure. His hands were magical on my skin. "Oh, God, Edward that feels amazing."_

_At my words, his hands stilled and I whimpered in protest. I opened my mouth to beg him not to stop when I felt something new poking me in the thigh. I knew right away it was Edward. It occurred to me then how the noises I was making and the words I'd said might have sounded to him. Once again, the thought that I could affect him like that sent a bolt of arousal through me and I felt the area between my thighs dampen with moisture unrelated to my period. The timing was completely wrong and I was in no shape to take things further but it didn't stop my body from reacting to his._

_When I did manage to speak, my words were breathy and earnest rather than whiny. "Please don't stop," I whispered._


	32. Chapter 32

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

_**Author's Note:**_ Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted a chapter. I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting and I want to say thanks to those of you who have hung in there with me. I've been touched by all the reviews, messages of encouragement to plow on with the story, and pleas for more chapters. 'Thank you' just isn't a big enough statement to express my gratitude to all that are still reading interested in this story.

As for the reason for the delay, first I got sick with a bad cold (which I'm still trying to get rid of), then I was out of town for a week, I'm still trying to find a new place to live and I've also been busy at work (I often use slow times at work to write – just don't tell my boss). Real life has put a serious crimp in my writing time. However, let me reiterate that I have NOT abandoned this story and I have no plans to do so in the future. As I've said in earlier posts some of what is coming in the later chapters is the stuff I've had written from the beginning and my most favorite parts (it's just getting there that's the battle). I'm hoping to get another chapter to you next week or in two weeks at the latest (my boss will be out of the office for the next few days and so I'm hoping that will give me some writing time – again, just don't squeal on me).

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><p><em><strong>Last week (or more accurately, last CHAPTER): <strong>_Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Esme stopped on their way to Alaska to check on Charlie in Forks. While they found Charlie alive and mostly well, they were also relieved not to find any trace of Victoria. What Jasper and Alice did find however, was a surprise meeting in the forest with the wolves. Some of what happened during that encounter led Alice to theorize that there may be a bigger reason why she has so much trouble seeing Victoria's decisions and that part of Victoria's gift may cause her to be a type of blind spot to Alice's visions.

And now, to those who wanted more Bella and Edward, this chapter is all theirs. I hope you enjoy it.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 32<strong>_

**BELLA**

I stared at the television and the home improvement show I was watching, it was just interesting enough to occupy my brain while still being mindless enough that I didn't have to pay close attention to it and right now; that was about all I could handle.

I hated acting like such an invalid, but I really felt like crap. I was on day three of the period from hell and I had to say that when Alice had said my period would be long and hard, she'd been seriously understating things. I don't think I've ever had such a painful, heavy period in my life. My abdomen and my lower back felt like they were tied in knots and most of the time it just hurt to move so I'd stayed mostly holed up in bed with a heating pad and lots of pillows while Edward acted like the angel he was and waited on me hand and foot.

About the only time I'd gotten out of bed in the last couple of days was to use the bathroom every few hours for new supplies and an occasional shower. Even though I'd teased him about it at the time, I was now silently thankful for Edward's shopping trip since it meant I was well and truly covered in the area of my monthly supplies.

"Can I get you anything else, love?" Edward asked as he set the insulated container of chamomile tea down on the bedside table where I could reach it.

I managed to give him a smile. "My feet are a little cold. Could you get me that blanket?" I asked indicating the soft micro-fleece blanket someone had left draped over a nearby chair.

Picking it up, he laid it over the lower half of her body. "How's that?"

"Good," I said quietly as another cramp started to feel like it was going to rip out my insides. I knew that Edward hated to see me in pain, so I bit back the wince I wanted to make.

From the look on his face as he sat down on the side of the bed, I wasn't fooling him. "Maybe you should take one of the muscle relaxers Carlisle prescribed for you."

Shifting slightly to try and find a more comfortable position, I closed my eyes and just breathed through the cramp until it finally began to ease. Then I opened my eyes and looked up at him. As it turned out, his indecision over which kind of Midol to buy had all been for nothing since I wasn't using it anyway. It just hadn't been strong enough to do much for the pain and the diuretic in it had caused me to frequently have to get up to use the restroom. Prescription strength ibuprofen and muscle relaxers had been what seemed to work best.

"No, I'm all right. I just took some ibuprofen, I'm sure it will kick in soon," I insisted. "I don't like to take those muscle relaxers during the day because they make me loopy."

He looked at me for a moment as if he was going to argue, but instead he just smoothed some hair back from face. "I just hating seeing you in pain."

I took hold of his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know, but it will pass. In a couple of days it will be gone." I gave him another smile. "And in the meantime, having you here taking care of me makes it bearable."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I love taking care of you."

"You know, there is one more thing I need," she said.

"What's that?"

"You." I worked up another smile. "Could you hold me?"

"Of course, love, you don't even need to ask."

I turned onto my side and he slid into place beside me so we faced each other and he pulled me against him with his legs tangled with mine. One of his hands resting between my shoulder blades and one on my lower back. With the heating pad and light blanket between us, the coolness of his body was barely noticeable. What was noticeable, however, was the hard length of his body pressed against mine from head to foot. Enjoying the feeling, I rested my cheek against his chest and tried to ignore the protesting muscles in my abdomen and lower back.

"I've been thinking, Edward," I said trying to distract myself from the aches and pains in my body by broaching a subject I'd been meaning to talk to him about.

"What about, love?"

"In my DVD to Charlie and Renee I told them that I wasn't going to be spending my life in a bunker somewhere hiding from my life and that I planned on finishing high school."

"Yes, I remember."

"Well, what do you think about me doing just that?" I asked. "Finishing high school, I mean. I'm almost done, I just have the rest of my senior year to finish."

He was quiet for a moment as his hand stroked up and down my back. "Normally, I'd say you going back to finish high school was a wonderful idea and I know that I - and I'm sure the rest of the family - would be more than happy to go back to high school with you, but I just don't see how you can right now. With your name and picture still being circulated among the authorities, there's no telling who might see you. We still don't want to risk you being recognized."

"No, I know," I agreed. "But I did some research and there's a lot I can do online. In fact, I can pretty much do it all online. I can either take classes toward a high school certificate or my GED or I can just take the test for the GED if I think I can pass it without taking classes first. But what I think I'd like to do is a combination of the two; take some classes that I haven't had exposure to, like earth science and calculus, but then also eventually take the online test to get my GED. That way my education will be a little more well-rounded."

He smiled. "Well, I think you're already perfectly well-rounded, but the sake of argument, how would you or the school know what classes you still needed?"

"I figured Jasper could pull my transcripts from Phoenix and Washington and repackage them under one of my new aliases and I could give that to the school as a guide."

His expression was unreadable and there was another long period of silence from him as he considered what I'd said. "You've obviously done a lot of thinking about this," he finally said.

I was nervous enough that I didn't want to see his expression, so I stared at my finger as I drew a random pattern on his chest.

"I have thought about it. Being part of this family again and especially being with you and finding our way back to each other has been and will continue to be amazing, but in the long term, I feel like I need something to occupy me; some goal to strive for and finishing high school seems like a good place to start. I still think about going to college one day and while I know that Jasper could rig my transcripts well enough that I could get into any college right now, I'd really like to do it on my own because I earned it." He still hadn't said anything and I let out a nervous little laugh. "After all, I can't just sit around and play _Grand Theft Auto_ with Emmett or _Angry Birds_ on the iPad for the rest of my life."

I finally ran out of words and silence lapsed between us. After what seemed like forever, the hand that had been resting between my shoulder blades move between us and he lightly cupped my chin and lifted it so I had to look at him. His expression was gentle and the softness in his eyes spoke volumes.

"I'm so proud of you."

Not expecting those words, I blinked at him. "You are?"

He cupped my cheek. "Yes, you did this all on your own. You set an important goal for yourself, did the research on how to achieve it and are now taking steps to make it happen. What's not to be proud of?"

"Well, I thought maybe you'd against the idea," I said. "Maybe even a little upset?"

He frowned. "Why would I be upset?"

"I don't know, I guess I thought..." I tried to find the right words. "It's just that before when we were still in Forks, high school was kind of our thing. It was the place we met and the place we got to know each other. But now, well... this is something I'll be doing on my own. I didn't know if you would feel left out or like I was excluding you."

He smiled at me. "Bella, we were different people then, not to mention that at the time you had to go home to your house at night and I had to go to mine, so school time was a big part of the time we had to spend together. However, now we live in the same house and have a lot of meaningful interaction everyday just by being around each other." He grinned and rubbed my nose playfully with his. "And this way we don't have to suffer through the Mike Newton and Jessica Stanleys of the world. There's just us." His smile softened. "You have to realize that in the past, going to high school was just for show to help keep our cover stories; it was not something that I relished..." He paused. "...that is until the last time in Forks when it brought me to you."

My heart seemed to expand exponentially in my chest and I felt tears prickle at my eyes. He always said just the right thing. "Really?" I whispered.

"Yes, really," he replied. "As for the endeavor you're planning now, I think it's admirable and I'm glad you're trying to spread your wings while still keeping yourself safe." His lips formed a little smirk. "And it just so happens that I know a certain tutor who would be more than happy to assist you with any subjects you might want help with."

I grinned back at him. "Oh, you do, huh? Well, that is definitely something that I will have to keep in..." I winced at the flair of pain in my back.

"What is it?" he asked, instantly concerned.

"My back," I said through clenched teeth.

"Is it bothering you again?" Edward asked.

I tried to shift a bit to get some relief but it wasn't working. The cramps in my back weren't something that I'd had with my previous periods but Carlisle said it was not that unusual under the circumstances. With the heavy period I was having, he said the cramps I was feeling were leaning more toward quasi-labor contractions than standard period cramps and that included lower back cramps.

"Yes, it feels like one big knot."

"Well, let's see what I can do about that."

Edward shifted us so that we were lying chest to chest with me on top of him. "Close your eyes and just relax," he murmured in my ear.

Although it felt a little strange to be draped over Edward like a blanket, I liked the feeling and I did as he asked and let my body go limp. To my surprise, I felt the aches and pains in the lower part of my body ease a bit.

Both of his hands moved down to my lower back and I felt his fingers slide my t-shirt up and the waistband of my loose fitting cotton pants down slightly to expose my lower back. Then his fingers and knuckles began to carefully and rhythmically rub along my back and spine.

I couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure. His hands were magical on my skin. "Oh, God, Edward that feels amazing."

At my words, his hands stilled and I whimpered in protest. I opened my mouth to beg him not to stop when I felt something new poking me in the thigh. I knew right away it was Edward. It occurred to me then how the noises I was making and the words I'd said might have sounded to him. Once again, the thought that I could affect him like that sent a bolt of arousal through me and I felt the area between my thighs dampen with moisture unrelated to my period. The timing was completely wrong and I was in no shape to take things further but it didn't stop my body from reacting to his.

When I did manage to speak, my words were breathy and earnest rather than whiny. "Please don't stop," I whispered.

Now I heard Edward groan and I swear I heard him say, "Emmett in a dress..." But before I could ask him about it or even laugh, his hands started moving again and all I could think about was how they made me feel. It was like he was playing my body with the same finesse he used when he played his piano.

As hard as I tried not to moan, hum and groan, sounds kept coming out of me that I knew were arousing to him. If the feeling of his erection poking me in the thigh wasn't enough evidence, his mutters were proof that he was having a difficult time.

"Emmett in heels... Emmett in make-up... Emmett in a wig... Emmett in a straw hat..."

Maybe this was the opening I needed to finally broach a subject that had been languishing at the corners of my mind. Laying my hand on his chest, I rested my chin on it and looked up at him. His eyes were closed as if he were meditating and his mutterings about Emmett were his mantra as he continued to rub my back.

"Is there some reason why you're so fixated on Emmett in drag?"

His eyes popped open and his expression was embarrassed as he looked back at me. "Um, well, I was just trying to distract myself a bit," he said as his fingers kept kneading my back.

I had a pretty good idea what he was distracting himself from but I wanted to hear him say the words. "Distract yourself from what?"

There was a long pause before he answered. "I'm not sure we should have this conversation," he said, clearly unsure of himself.

I wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. "I think we should definitely have this conversation. We're together now so we should be able to talk about things like this."

He stared at me and I could see the wheels turning in his head. I knew the moment he gave in because his eyes went from mildly embarrassed to soft, then to warm and by the time he answered me, they were almost black and smoldering so intensely that I felt right down to my toes.

"I know you're not oblivious to how you affect me, Bella. There are certain... reactions I can't always control when I'm around you and you're doing something especially enticing," he explained. "When that happens I try to distract myself so I won't embarrass you or make you uncomfortable."

I decided not to beat around the bush and I just told him how I really felt. "You having an erection because of me doesn't embarrass me or make me feel uncomfortable," I told him honestly.

He frowned. "It doesn't?"

"No, it makes me feel good to know that I can affect you like that." I smiled at him. "It makes me feel kind of... powerful."

His hands left my back and slid up to cup my face. "You are powerful. You certainly have complete power over me."

Holding onto his shoulders, I slid higher on his body until my face was hovering over his. Then, lifting my hand, I silently traced his lips with my finger. As always, the feeling of his skin under my fingers sent ripples of desire through me.

"Did you know that I read somewhere that orgasms can help ease period cramps?"

Apparently where Edward was concerned, this horrible period had removed my verbal filter. A minute ago, I was telling myself that I was in no condition to do anything with him and yet here I was putting all kinds of ideas in his head... and mine.

A visible tremor went through him at my words and unless I was mistaken, the part of him poking my leg got even harder. I had a feeling that if I wasn't in pain and he hadn't been trying to help alleviate it he would have slid out from under me to get away from the temptation I was providing.

"Bella, you're driving me crazy," he groaned. "I'm trying to do the right thing and you're not helping."

"Maybe our ideas of what's 'right' are different."

"Bella..." he huffed in exasperation.

"I want you," I said softly. "I won't deny it... I can't."

The words had come out of my mouth before I'd really even processed them, but I had no intention of taking them back. The old Bella might have, or more likely she never would never have spoken them at all, but the person I was now knew that life was too short not to speak your mind and ask for what you wanted. In my opinion, Edward and I had wasted too much time already.

As for my vampire boyfriend, he blinked at me in surprise, but the surprise quickly melted away and desire flooded back into his expression leaving his eyes looking dark and fathomless. Gently, he caught my finger and kissed it.

"You must know that I want you too, unbearably. But right now you're in no condition for us to do anything about it and even if that weren't the case, it's too dangerous. I don't want to risk hurting you. As I said there are times I have trouble suppressing my... urges where you're concerned. If we tried to do something more than kiss or hug, I could lose control."

I stared up at him. My first instinct was to be hurt or disappointed. Part of me wanted him to want me so much that he did lose control. But the stronger, more rational part of my brain realized that he had somewhat of a valid point and that he would be devastated if he were the one to cause me physical harm even if it was accidental.

However, I wasn't ready to concede that there wasn't a middle ground or some kind of alternate solution to this issue. In my mind, it was _not_ an all or nothing – zero to sixty proposition. I'd done a good bit of thinking on this question and consequently, I thought it was time I took the bull by the horns, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say, take the vampire by the fangs.

"Edward, do you remember the first time you kissed me?"

From his expression and the frown he made, my answer had apparently surprised him again. "Of course I remember, it's not something I will ever forget."

"Back then you found it difficult if not impossible to let me get physically close to you because my scent was so tempting and you didn't know if you could kiss me without hurting me."

I could see he was really considering my words, which I took as a good sign. "Go on."

"But we took things slowly and you got over your hesitancy and now we touch and kiss all the time. Back then, I asked you how you did it and you said it was mind over matter," I pointed out.

"True," he agreed.

"So maybe that's what we need to do now. Take things in baby steps and try one thing at a time. Go one step further and explore the more physical part of our relationship a little at a time until you feel more secure in how you'll react. That way you'll know that you can control yourself at least enough that you won't hurt me. Plus, along the way we can do other things that will help you get used to the strong feelings and sensations involved in sex. There are other ways to have an orgasm than intercourse."

He stared at me for a long few moments, his gaze thoughtful and considering before he finally spoke. "Actually your idea does have some merit."

Now it was my turn to blink in surprise. I fully expected him to shoot me down or disagree with me. Was he actually considering taking the physical side of things between us to a new level?

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes, but..."

"I should have known that was too easy," I grumbled as I moved off of him and tumbled back onto the bed where I curled myself around the heating pad.

"Bella, please don't be mad," he begged.

"I'm not mad," I told him honestly. "Disappointed, yes, feeling a little rejected, yes, but I'm not mad. If you don't want to then you don't want to."

Sitting up beside me, he dragged a hand through his hair. "That's just it, I _do_ want to. It's just that you have to understand that in my day, we did things in a certain order. I would have wooed you and gone on chaperoned dates with you and we would have been married before much of anything physical happened between us. To take this step now feels to me like we're skipping ahead. And then there's the fact that I've taken so much from you already - your family, your home, even a high school diploma – that it seems to me that the least I can do is let you keep your virtue."

A small voice inside me pointed out that one way to 'save my virtue' while still potentially giving me what I wanted was for us to get married and I wondered if Edward had ever thought about marrying me. Marriage was never something we'd talked about and I didn't think now was the time to bring it up. If I couldn't even bring up the idea of him changing me, then I certainly didn't think we were ready for a talk about marriage. Then there was the fact that the idea of getting married so young was not something I relished. If my mother were here, she would be giving me the lecture about not making the same mistakes she had and screwing up your life by getting married too young.

Pushing aside the topic of marriage, I focused back on the situation at hand. I'd come to realize that Edward responded best to a calm, clear argument so that's what I was going to give him. "I appreciate you trying to look out for me and I can appreciate your feelings, Edward, but I have to say I disagree. First of all, we've never done things the conventional way; and second; I'm not sure using the morality of the early 1900s in today's world is all that good an idea and I'll tell you why. You were changed in 1918, right?"

"Yes," he confirmed, albeit somewhat hesitantly.

"Then consider for a moment the fact that in your day I wouldn't have even had the right to vote since that right wasn't given to women until 1920. And as for marriage, assuming that vampires had been recognized as a separate race, there is an argument to be made for the fact that in your day, we wouldn't have even have been allowed to marry as interracial marriage wasn't legal in this country until 1967."

"But Bella..."

"Wait, let me finish," I said trying to press my argument while I could. "I know how much you like cars. Well, mass produced automobiles were the new thing back in your day, right?" He nodded and I went on. "Okay, except for something that was a collector's item or an oddity would you honestly want to drive the same car today that Henry Ford was producing in his factories back in 1918?"

"No," he said with a bit of a resigned sigh.

"No, of course you wouldn't. Cars today are faster, safer, more reliable, more comfortable, more fuel efficient, and definitely more stylish than their predecessors."

The fact that Edward wasn't saying anything told me that at least part of my argument was getting through to him. He was toying with a frayed thread on the bedspread and not looking at me. Reaching out, I laid my hand on his arm. "Edward, please look at me." He hesitated for a moment then did so.

"I love the fact that you want to protect my virtue and that you care enough about me to try and do things right, but I'd like to have a say in things too. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that you're the only one I will ever want to give myself to. You're it for me so I don't see the need to wait. I want to be with you and we've already wasted so much time. If the last year and getting you back has taught me anything it's that you never know what tomorrow might bring and that you need to grab onto life, embrace it, and not let go."

Edward's eyes softened and he leaned in to gather me against him. "Oh, Bella."

Pressing my face to his throat, I let the scent of him envelope me as he wrapped me in his embrace. "And you're wrong about taking things from me," I said brushing my lips softly against his skin. "Yes, I've had to give up things to be with you, but I don't blame you for that and I've gotten so much in return. I could have chosen to go back to Charlie or Renee and live with them but I want to be with you... I _chose_ to be with you."

Edward buried his face in my hair, tightened his arms around me and when he spoke, his voice was rough with emotion. "I don't deserve you, love."

I slid my hands up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. "Silly vampire, what you deserve is to be happy."

"You make me happy," he said softly.

I smiled against his skin. "Well, there you are then. I guess you do deserve me."

He didn't comment, only continued to hold me tightly as I stoked the nape of his neck. We laid like that for a long time, not speaking, only holding each other. Luckily, between Edward's ministrations and the ibuprofen the pain in the lower part of my body was beginning to lessen so I was starting to feel halfway human again.

Slowly, Edward pulled back enough to look down at me. In his eyes I could see his conflict and consideration over all we'd talked about earlier. I knew it would be difficult to change his mind about the whole 'protecting my virtue' thing. His values and upbringing were deeply ingrained in him and that was complicated by his vampire nature which made him even more set in his ways.

"Bella, what you said..." he began. "...I don't know what..."

I gently laid my finger on his lips. "Shhh... I don't want you to answer now. Just promise me you'll think about it."

His eyes bored into mine, indecision lining his face as if he wanted to say more, but then he simply kissed my finger. "I promise."

TBC...

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><p>I know this chapter didn't launch the story forward a whole lot but I'm trying to get Bella and Edward into the right headspace for things to do just that.<p>

_**Next week (or next chapter just to be safe): **_Charlie FBI contact comes up with the name of the shadowy contact at the US Marshal's office and Charlie tries to contact them to verify Bella's story about being in witness protection. Meanwhile, Edward mulls over what Bella said and the two of them continue to grow closer. See you soon!


	33. Chapter 33

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created.

As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input. I never would have posted this story if not for them. They also both write awesome fan fiction stories of their own in the Twilight universe so please look them up here on this site and check them out. You won't be disappointed.

It also goes without saying that I have a big smooch for anyone who left a review or comments or even just favorited me or this story. While I would write this story even if no one read it, the fact that people are reading it and enjoying it is incredibly gratifying and makes me want to squeal like a teenage girl at a Twilight convention.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Well, at least this time you only had to wait 2 weeks for a new chapter instead of a month. I hope that's better anyway. I'm going to try and aim for two weeks on the next post as well. This first part of this chapter is from Edward's point of view as he thinks over his discussion with Bella and the other part is from Rose's point of view as she deals with the Charlie Swan situation. I hope you enjoy it.

_**Last chapter:**_ Edward helped Bella through her period and they had a long talk about taking their relationship to a new level. And now, on with the show...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 33<strong>_

**EDWARD **

The morning sun was just beginning to touch the corners of the room as I sat on the edge of the bed and watched Bella sleep. She'd slept soundly through night without nightmares or disturbances and she also hadn't had to take any muscle relaxers before she'd gone to bed. That, coupled with her scent that told me her menstrual flow was greatly diminished, indicated that she was nearing the end of her period, something for which I was thankful. It tore me apart to see her suffering. Gently brushing a strand of hair back from her face, I watched as she almost instinctively leaned toward my hand. It was as if even in sleep she was drawn to me like a magnet.

The discussion we'd had two days ago still resounded in my brain. I'd had yet to give her any kind of an answer, but the topic was definitely on my mind. I'd admired the way Bella had calmly and thoughtfully asked for what she wanted and then laid out her argument to get it, and I wasn't referring to her desire to finish school and get her GED, although I did admire her for that as well. She'd given me plenty of food for thought when it came to our physical relationship. "I want you," she'd said and there was no denying that I wanted her too.

So what was holding me back?

It would be easy for me to say it was my fear of physically hurting her. It was true after all. I'd always had to contain my strength around her and while it had become relatively routine, even something as simple as a touch or a kiss still had to be carefully measured so that I didn't bruise her delicate skin.

But she'd made a compelling case against my fear of hurting her. She pointed out, and rightly so, that perhaps we could 'practice' or take things in baby steps just as we had with kissing and touching. And while I wasn't sure that anything could prepare me enough for the pleasure of being inside her, she was right in that there were other ways to pleasure her- to pleasure both of us - that might still be possible.

She'd also pretty much used logic to blow my outdated morality ideas out of the water. She's made a lot of sense with her argument about times being different now and the fact that neither of us took what was between us, including our physical relationship, lightly. Even without knowing she was my mate, I knew she was all I would ever want and in her eyes and in the words she'd spoken to me two days ago, I saw that she felt the same way I did. Being with her physically seemed like the next logical step and yet still I hesitated.

Until now, there had really only been one thing we didn't talk about in our relationship, that being whether or not she still wanted me to change her. Perhaps it was wrong that we didn't discuss it, but for now it worked for us and I believed we were both afraid that discussing it would upset the delicate balance we'd found. That being said, I think that there might be another subject that we'd need to add to the list of things we'd didn't talk about.

Marriage.

I'd thought about marrying Bella for a long time now. Dreamt about it; fantasized about it actually. Marrying her would not automatically erase my fears since I could still physically harm her if things got out of control, but it would erase the morality issue of us being together. Of course, I also didn't want to marry her just so that I could be physically closer to her. At the heart of my desire to marry her was a need to declare out loud, to Bella and those that mattered, that I loved Bella and that I was committed to Bella and she to me. I wanted to shout to the world that she was mine and I was hers and that we would love each other and be together for as long as fate would allow us to be. That never again would we be separated by anything short of final death.

The first problem with marrying Bella, or asking her to marry me, was the fact that not only were we, both as individuals and as a couple, just getting to a better place mentally than we'd been since even before I'd left her months ago and I didn't want to risk tipping over the proverbial boat if the discussion did not go well.

The second problem was that from a number of off-hand remarks Bella had made regarding her mother and her parents marriage and subsequent divorce, was that I had a pretty good idea she didn't want to get married. At least not at the age of 18 or almost 19. Even though in my day 18 was more the norm than the exception when it came to getting married, I believe Bella saw marriage at such a young age to be a harbinger of doom for a relationship.

If I asked her, I had serious doubts that she would say yes and along with the unspoken change question, I was concerned that it might put another wedge between us when that was the last thing we needed.

It had also occurred to me that many ways, I was just as innocent as Bella when it came to a physical relationship. While my family and other random people had given me plenty of mental examples of what went on between a man and woman when they were being physically intimate, I had no personal experience. I'd always been the loner, someone on the outside looking in on the relationships around me. I hate to call myself a voyeur but that's what I'd been, at least mentally when I hadn't been able to avoid seeing those images from the people near me.

It was a fine line. If Bella and I moved to a more physical relationship, Bella would most likely look to me to lead the way and know what to do, but honestly I wouldn't really know much more than she would. My understanding of sex was that it was more than putting tab A into slot B and I would hate it if I disappointed her. As mortifying as it might be, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to Carlisle about this when he returned from the hospital later that morning and get some of his insight on the subject. Perhaps he could also give me some suggestions on how to try and control my lust for her while still satisfying us both.

But whether or not I talked to him, the question still remained. Was I willing to put away my worries and concerns and let things go to the next level with Bella? I felt conflicted on every side. Each argument had a counter argument, for each pro there was a con. The thought of being with her was both compelling and terrifying.

As was so often in life, there was no simple black and white answer.

I wanted to be with Bella in the way she wanted, in fact I desperately wanted it... wanted her, but it was still difficult for me to shed the constraints that prevented me from taking that final leap. It was hard for me to deny Bella anything and withholding what she seemed to want so badly when she asked for so little seemed wrong. I owed her everything, wanted to give her anything and everything she'd ever wanted and if this was what would make her happy, make us both happy, then I should be willing to give it to her.

My musings were interrupted by Bella taking a long, deep breath which she then let out in an even longer sigh as she rolled onto her back. I could all but feel her rising up through the layers of consciousness until her eyes opened, then focused and finally she blinked up at me.

"Good morning," she murmured.

I couldn't help but smile at her. "Good morning."

"You know most people would find it disconcerting to wake up and find someone watching them," she murmured as she stretched her arms over her head. The motion made her t-shirt ride up and I tried not to notice the strip of creamy white flesh of her belly that was exposed.

"Are you one of those people?" I asked with a little smirk.

Her hands came down to rest on her stomach. "No, as luck would have it, I'm not." She smiled at me and it was like my personal sun coming up along with the one outside in the sky. "I got used to you watching me sleep a long time ago. It makes me feel... cherished."

"And cherish you, I do," I said with a smile as I leaned in and lightly kissed her.

As I started to pull back from the kiss, her hands slid up into my hair and she sat up halfway. "Not so fast, mister."

Keeping her hands buried in my hair, she guided my lips back to hers for another, deeper kiss. Her warm breath fanned over me as she tried to breathe through her nose so she didn't have to choose between kissing me and suffocating herself. Things got heated very quickly and when we finally broke apart, she flopped back on the bed breathing heavily.

"Now that's the way to wake up," she murmured with a satisfied little smile on her face.

I grinned. "How are you feeling this morning?"

She took a moment to consider and then stretched again. This time, the strip of alabaster skin that was exposed was even bigger than before. "Mmm, good actually. Rested."

"No pain or discomfort?"

She toyed with a lock of her hair. "No, not right now anyway."

"Good, then are you hungry for some breakfast?"

"I'm starving actually," she said with more energy in her voice than she'd had since she started her period. "Let me just jump in the shower and I'll meet you downstairs."

"I can start on your breakfast while you're in the shower. What would you like?"

She gave me a look not unlike a child asking for a cookie before dinner. "Do you suppose we have any Pop-Tarts?"

"Bella, you know Pop-Tarts have little redeeming food value," I admonished. While she'd come along way in gaining back the weight she'd lost, she was still too thin and needed to eat healthy.

"I know, but I want some," she whined playfully. "Pleeeease?" she said bringing out the pout.

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Well, as I recall, there's a box of Frosted Strawberry in the back of the pantry."

"Great!" she responded exuberantly.

"BUT..." I interrupted. "You need to something else with them. A glass of milk, some scramble eggs and either juice or some kind of fruit."

"Ooo, you're so strict," she teased. "But okay. I'm hungry enough to eat a horse anyway and I'd rather have a banana than the juice. Juice and Pop-Tarts don't really mix."

I laughed. "I'll have to take your word for it; all of it sounds repulsive to me. Now, you go take your shower and I'll be downstairs working on breakfast."

And so the two of us went to take care of our respective tasks. In the past few weeks and under Esme and Bella's tutelage, I'd gotten pretty good at making breakfast. The other meals I wasn't as good with but I was happy to do at least this small thing for her. Bella didn't take the time to wash her hair so she made it downstairs just as I was sliding the scrambled eggs onto a plate next to the two freshly toasted Pop-Tarts. I sat everything in front of Bella and after murmuring her thanks, she dug in happily.

Since Bella was too busy eating to do much talking, I plugged my iPod into a small stereo sitting on the counter so we had some music to fill the silence. When Rose and Alice had first brought her here, they told me Bella would go into near panic attacks when music music was played around her and of course, shortly after she'd started talking again, Bella had told Carlisle and I that the idea of hearing me play the piano was almost physically painful to her. However, in the past few weeks she'd been asking more and more to hear music and she'd even added some music to her iPad. When her birthday came in a few weeks I planned to get her a new iPod since she'd told me she'd gotten rid of her old one when she stopped being able to listen to music.

Music flowed through the kitchen as Bella ate and I cleaned the kitchen. I would have preferred music that was more classical but I was worried that it would be too close to my piano playing and it would upset Bella so I had settled on some soft classic rock that Alice had originally added to my iPod as a joke, but that now had come in handy.

As she finished the last of her breakfast, I felt Bella's eyes on me. When I had everything cleaned and put away but the dishes she was eating from, I turned to her and found that indeed she was looking at me thoughtfully. Her mood still seemed buoyant but I also had the feeling she wanted to say something and was trying to figure out how.

Meeting her gaze steadily, I leaned forward to rest my arms on the counter. "You look like a woman with something on her mind."

Blushing, she laid the banana peel across her plate and toyed a bit with a piece of crust remaining from one of the Pop-Tarts. "Well, there's something I want to ask you but I'm trying to think how to do it without sounding stupid."

I reached out and laid my hand on her arm. "Bella, you can ask me anything and I'm sure whatever you say will not sound stupid."

"Would... you... um, play for me?"

Taken off guard by her question, it took me a moment to answer. "You want me to play for you?" I asked wanting to make sure I'd heard her correctly, even though I knew there was nothing wrong with my vampire hearing.

"Yes," she said her gaze steady and a bit hopeful.

"But I thought even the idea of hearing me play the piano hurt you?"

"It did... I mean it used to." She laid her hand over mine. "But it doesn't anymore, Edward. Please." Her eyes bore into mine. "Please play for me."

Something in my chest contracted almost to the pain of actual pain, then suddenly expanded in an explosion of feeling. Surprise. Relief. Hope. Joy.

And most of all... Love.

If someone had asked me five minutes ago if it was possible to love Bella any more than I already did, I would have said no, but here we were now in this new minute and I felt my love for her expand even further. My eyes burned dryly and I knew that whatever tiny piece of humanity was still left inside me was crying what Bella called 'happy tears.'

Moving around the counter, I stood beside her. "Really?"

I saw tears gathering in Bella's eyes now too. "Yes, really," she said with a slightly watery laugh. "I want to hear you play."

Leaning in, I kissed her, long and deep, trying to convey all I was feeling in that one kiss. Then without a word, I scooped her up and carried her into the living room where my piano sat. I stopped next to the piano bench.

"You have to promise to tell me if it gets to be too much or you want me to stop."

She sniffed and wiped at a tear that was trailing down her face. "I promise, but I have to tell you that I won't want you to stop."

Grinning, I kissed her again and then I set her down on one side of the bench and slid in beside her. "Any requests?"

Bella rested her head lightly against my shoulder as she'd often done when I'd played for her. "No, just play anything you want."

Playing should have felt rusty; after all, I hadn't played since before I left Bella. However, as my fingers began to move over the keys, first in easy scales and chords and then to more and more complex melodies, it felt completely natural. Of course, I suspected that most of that feeling was due to the amazing woman sitting beside me and her ability to give second chances.

Something which I swore she would never need to do for me again as I would never again let her down.

**ROSE**

I'd just finished draining a rather large moose when Alice came trotting up. "Ugh, how can you like moose? They're even more gamey than deer."

"Oh, stop complaining, they're not so bad and besides, what they lack in taste they make up for in quantity," I said with a grin as I dropped the carcass down a very steep ravine where no one would find it.

We'd only been in Alaska for a few days and this was the first big hunting trip we'd taken since we'd been here. Esme and the guys were around somewhere as well, but Alice was the first one I'd encountered since we set out. So far, our visit to Alaska had been uneventful, well, except for the fact that Laurent had disappeared a few hours after we'd arrived. He'd gone out hunting and then called Irina a bit later to say he remembered some personal business he needed to attend to and didn't know when he'd be back.

Alice hadn't been around Laurent enough to really get a good sense of him which is what she needed for her visions to work properly, so she had no idea what was going on with him but the whole situation felt off to me. Actually, it felt off to everyone in my family. The Denalis, however, were a different matter. Apparently, they saw Laurent as a free spirit. One that came and went when he liked. To them, it was normal for him to be gone for days, even weeks at a time with little explanation. So because of that and the fact that we didn't have any concrete reasons for our suspicion of him, we'd kept our concerns to ourselves.

All I knew for sure was that Irina was much more forgiving that I was. If Emmett ever tried to pull crap like that with me, I'd break his legs, let them heal and then break them again repeating the cycle until he swore not to do it again.

I shoved some hair out of my face. "I knew I should have braided my hair before we left the house. Do you have a brush by any chance? I did some tumbling with the moose and I don't want to go back to the house looking messy."

Alice snorted but handed over a small brush she pulled from her pocket. "Yeah, like you need to worry, you make messy look good."

She sat down on a nearby rock as I dragged the brush through my hair. "You're just lucky you have short hair. It's a lot easier to keep neat."

"Yes, but it's always the same," she said with a sigh. "I would kill for long hair like yours or Esme's. Maybe I should try wearing a wig."

We both laughed at the absurdity of that and then both froze when we heard a chime sound from my back pocket.

"Is that what I think it is?" Alice asked.

For some reason Alice hadn't had a lot of visions about this situation ahead of time, maybe because Charlie Swan's actions would likely hinge on getting a small piece of information before he made a decision. Then there was also the fact that Alice had a lot of mental balls in the air as she tried to constantly monitor her visions for any and all small clues about Victoria and anything that might happen to Bella.

"Yes," I confirmed. "It's the satellite phone Jasper set up for the fake US Marshal's contact he planted in the system for Bella's father to find."

"Well, you better answer it before it goes to voicemail!" she screeched.

Even with my vampire reflexes, I fumbled and nearly dropped the damn phone getting it out of my pocket. "He didn't set up voicemail on it! It will ring as long as the caller doesn't hang up."

"Well, you still need to answer it!" she said her voice shrill with excitement.

"I am! I am! NOW SHUT UP!" I snarled and she clapped a hand over her mouth.

I'd been picked for this duty as I was the member of the family Chief Swan had interacted with the least and so the thinking was that he'd be less likely to recognize my voice or vocal mannerisms.

Letting out a breath to steady my voice and I pressed the 'accept' button. "Hello."

There was a long pause on the other end, but I could still hear breathing so I knew that I hadn't missed his call.

"Hello? Is someone there?" I barked out. "I don't have all day."

"Um, yes," Chief Swan's voice came hesitantly over the phone. "I'm trying to reach Marshal Cathleen Ramon."

"This is Marshal Ramon. Who the hell is this?" I said using my best gruff, authoritative voice. When I'd talked to Edward and Jasper about this idea, we'd decided that I would play my role with a tough, hard bitten slant.

"My name is Charles Swan."

Since if I really had been a marshal and Bella had indeed been in the in the WITSEC program and I was her handler I would know who Charles Swan was, I paused like I was carefully considering my response.

"As in Chief of Police Charles Swan of Forks, Washington?" I said hesitantly even though I knew exactly who he was.

"One in the same, ma'am."

I paused as if considering my response again. "How did you get this number?" I said very cautiously with what I hope was a slightly threatening edge to my voice.

"Uh, that's a bit complicated and I'd rather not say so that I don't get my source in trouble."

"Damn right they'd be in trouble," I growled. "No one is supposed to be able to access my phone number and if they do have the clearance to do so they sure as hell shouldn't be giving it out to unauthorized personnel."

"Well, I called in about a thousand favors and..."

"I don't care if you had to kiss the ass of the President of the United States," I snapped. "No one but authorized personnel should be able to access my information. Doing so jeopardizes a number of lives, including mine."

"I know what I'm doing is highly improper, but..."

"Improper doesn't begin to cover it, mister. Look, if you are who you say you are, Charles Swan, you know that I can't talk to you, so I'm going to hang up the phone now."

"No! Wait!" Charlie pleaded. "Please, just give me a few minutes and then I'll never bother you again. I'll burn your number and forget that I ever heard of you."

"You're going to do that anyway or you're going to feel the weight of entire Marshal's Service and the U.S. Department of Justice breathing down your neck."

"All right, all right, I promise. Just hear me out."

I huffed out an annoyed breath. "Start talking. If you say one thing I don't like, I'm going to hang up and my phone number will be changed faster than you can say Federal Warrant."

"Fair enough. I'm calling because my daughter Isabella Swan has been missing for the last few months. Apparently, she was kidnapped from the hospital in Florida where she was a patient."

"Okay," I said simply, not confirming or denying anything.

"I have it on good authority that she was rescued from her kidnapper and eventually she was put into witness protection and that you're handling her case. All I'm trying to do is verify that story. I don't need to talk to her or know where she is, I just want to know if it's true."

I let a long pause go as if considering my words again. "And just how did you come by this information?"

Now it was Charlie Swan's turn to pause. "Well, ma'am, not to put my head in the lion's mouth, but if you are who you say YOU are, I suspect that you already know how that information came into my hands."

Charlie Swan was really quite cagey. As Bella's WITSEC 'handler,' I would know that she'd sent him and her mother the packet containing the letters and the DVDs. He was testing me, just as much as I was testing him.

"What city and state were listed on the postmark?" Ha! Take that. I was showing him that I knew he received the information in a package that was sent through the U.S. Mail. Now all he had to do was tell me the city and state that package was sent from and we'd theoretically both know that the other was who they said they were. Of course, I already knew who he was, but I had to play my part.

"Amarillo, Texas," he replied without hesitation.

I sighed and softened my tone. "Okay, Chief Swan, so you are apparently who you say you are. However, I still shouldn't be talking to you. It goes against all my training and every protocol in the book."

"I know," Chief Swan agreed. "Coming from a law enforcement background myself, I understand about rules and regulations and following the book. But this is my daughter we're talking about. Where's she's concerned, there's nothing I wouldn't do to make sure she's all right."

I couldn't help but smile. While I didn't agree with all of the parental decisions he and Bella's mother had made, I had to admit that Chief Swan was basically a standup guy. "She would say the same thing about you. Her worry for you was the biggest reason why I allowed her to make that recording. She wouldn't go into the program until I promised to send it to you and her mother."

Charlie let out a long breath. "So it is true," he murmured as a statement rather than a question.

"Yes, everything she said in the recording is true. That's all I can really say."

There was a long silence from Charlie's end of the phone and I assumed it was him trying to come to grips with the fact that he would likely never see Bella again. "Is she okay?" he said quietly. The sadness in his voice was palpable. "I only ask because before she left, she had suffered a severe emotional blow and after hearing her describe some of what happened to her in the hospital, I worry."

In keeping with my persona I probably just should have said 'no comment' or 'I can't say' or something of that nature, but I just couldn't do that and I knew Bella wouldn't want me to either.

"She's fine, Chief. We have her seeing someone about those issues and they're helping her." Okay, so the someone was Edward and the rest of our family but I wasn't going to tell him that. "According to the record, when she was first rescued, she was nearly catatonic and wouldn't eat or speak. But as you saw in the recording, she's flourishing now."

He sighed. "Well, that's something anyway." He paused again. "Look, could you tell her something for me?"

"I don't know," I said hesitantly. "Normally that would be against protocol."

"I know, I just..." He huffed out a breath. "...just tell her I love her and I'm sorry for the mistakes I made with her. Tell her..." he paused. "...tell her that I just want her to be happy."

Again, I had a renewed respect for Charles Swan. "I'll pass that on to her."

"Okay, well, I guess that's it. Thank you for taking care of my little girl and keeping her safe."

"It's part of the job," I said trying to sound nonchalant.

"I know, but it still means a lot to me that she's in good hands."

"Well, in that case, you're welcome." I smirked a little. "But I'm still going to change this phone number as soon as we hang up."

Chief Swan chuckled. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

With that we both switched off and I turned to a beaming Alice. "I think he totally bought it," I told her even though she would have been able to hear his end of the conversation almost as well as I could.

"Of course he did," she agreed. "And you were fabulous, Rose."

"It was a good plan," I told her with a shrug. "If I didn't think it was I wouldn't have let you talk me into doing it."

Alice clapped her hands in delight. "Bella will be so happy! This means she should be in clear very soon now and then she won't have to be afraid to show her face in public anymore."

I laughed. "I think what you're really happy about is that you've just gained another shopping partner."

She grinned unapologetically at me. "Well, duh! After all, a girl can never have too many shopping partners!"

TBC...

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><p>So there's another chapter down. I hope you liked it. Bella and Edward are growing closer and this should be the last we see of Charlie as he accepts the fact that Bella is most likely lost to him forever.<p>

_**Next Chapter (hopefully in two weeks):**_ Laurent returns the Denali home, but there's something different about him that will disturb the Cullen's somewhat. While back at home, Bella and Edward continue to get closer, MUCH closer. See you then!


	34. Chapter 34

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Ha! And you thought I wasn't going to post today! I know I usually post on Saturday mornings but I wasn't able to get this chapter back from my beta until this afternoon and then I had to make a few tweaks and that was all while I was packing up my house to get ready to move. But hey, it's still Saturday here in California so I say it counts. ;o)

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through my erratic posting. I had hope to finish this story before Breaking Dawn part 2 came out but that is so not going to happen. Hopefully the next chapter will be sooner than this one.

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><p><em><strong>Last chapter:<strong>_ First Bella told Edward she wanted to take things to the next level between them, then Edward was thinking over what she'd said as he made her breakfast. Bella had gotten over her period and was feeling much better. While she was eating breakfast she surprised Edward by asking him if he would play the piano for her. Meanwhile, in Alaska, Alice and Rose were hunting when Rose got a call from Charlie. With Rose posing as a US Marshal, she was able to convince Charlie that Bella was indeed in witness protection and he should stop looking for her.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 34<strong>_

"_Did Victoria ever find you?" I asked breathless, desperate to distract him._

"_Yes, I actually came here as a favor to her..."_

Bella to Laurent in the Meadow, _Twilight: New Moon_, Chapter 10

**CARLISLE**

My night shift at the hospital had been long, and had I still been human, exhausting. Luckily, the hospital had underground parking and the windows in my car were tinted so my getting off shift in the middle of the morning wasn't an issue. As it was, I was still mentally fatigued, and our house looming in the distance as I maneuvered the car up the long drive was a welcome sight. The only thing that would have made it better was if I knew my beloved Esme was among its occupants. Unfortunately, she was still in Alaska with the rest of the family. Needless to say, I was really looking forward to seeing her next week when I joined everyone.

Pulling into the garage, I parked the car and switched off the engine. As the sound of the motor died away, I blinked in surprise. I couldn't be hearing what I thought I was hearing, could I? It must be the stereo playing.

Climbing out of the car, I heard the strains of Chopin drifting out of the house and I knew immediately that it was not the stereo. Aside from the fact that I would have been able to pick out the rhythm of Edward's piano playing when I heard it, the vibration in the house was too distinct to be a reproduction. I sagged against the car for a moment. If Edward was playing, it was only because Bella wanted him to. It was such a simple thing and yet it spoke volumes about their relationship and where Bella was emotionally. I couldn't wait to tell Esme about this development. She would be thrilled.

Stepping into the house, the rich sound of his playing enveloped me like a familiar embrace. But what was even more amazing than that was the fact that as I listened, Edward began to toy with the melody making it even more playful and it was quickly joined by the sound of Bella laughing happily.

Even though Edward would have been 100% aware of my presence for some time, I tried to be quiet as I moved through the kitchen and peered around the door frame into the living room. Bella was sitting beside Edward on the piano bench and they appeared to be having a grand time. Soon, Bella's laughter was joined by Edwards as his fingers raced over the keys. With Bella's past issues and Edward so often carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, it was wonderful to see and hear them looking so young and carefree.

Stepping back out of their line of sight, I leaned against the counter. From the place in my chest where my human heart once resided, a feeling of warmth expanded through me. Even though the majority of my assembled family was in Alaska, the feeling of family completeness was never stronger to me than at that moment. Bella being whole and happy and back with Edward was like the resolution of an equation. Once everyone else got home we would truly be a family.

Wanting to disturb them as little as possible, I didn't use the main staircase . Instead, I went outside and found an open window that I used to gain access to my study on the second floor. When I was well ensconced behind my desk, I picked up the phone and dialed Esme's cell phone. She picked it up on the second ring.

"Carlisle?" she asked obviously seeing my name on the caller ID.

"Hello, darling."

I heard her give a happy little sigh. "Oh, I'm so glad you called, sweetheart," she said. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, my love."

"Are you still coming next week?" she said hopefully.

"Of course I am. I can't miss seeing my favorite girl, now can I?" I told her. Maybe it wasn't politically correct in this day and age to call her my 'girl' but I knew it wouldn't bother her and that she took it as a term of endearment.

She laughed softly. "Well, your girl misses her fella, so you better get here soon."

"I will," I promised. "So how are things going with the Denalis?"

"Good. Everyone seems to be getting along famously. Eleazar can't wait to see you. He says that since the women currently outnumber the men two to one they need all the testosterone they can get."

I laughed. "I will keep that in mind. Any news on Laurent's whereabouts?"

"Um, hold on a minute," she said and I heard a long pause punctuated with the sound of a door opening and closing, a slight whooshing sound accompanied with the intermittent snap of a twig and other outdoor noises so that I assumed she was moving away from the Denali's home so we could have more privacy." Then all the noises but a slight wind blowing stopped. "Are you still there, Carlisle?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting," she apologized.

"It's not a problem. But I'm curious why you found it necessary."

Esme let out a little sigh. "Well, it's just that the Denali girls, especially Irina, are a little sensitive about Laurent and I didn't want them overhearing us."

"How are they sensitive?"

"They say that we shouldn't be concerned about Laurent's abrupt departure because he does it often, but after his association with Victoria and James and now Alice thinking Victoria may be a renewed threat, it's difficult not to be concerned."

"I agree," I told her. What I didn't say was that aside from Bella, my biggest concern was for her.

Unaware of my internal thoughts, Esme continued on. "But when we even bring up the hint of something being amiss with Laurent, Irina gets into a snit and verbally rips into whoever dares to bring the subject up. Kate and Tanya, of course, usually back her up, which I personally think stems more from their sisterly love for her than a desire to believe that Laurent's actions are completely above board. In any case, Irina simply refuses to hear anything bad about him." There was little pause. "The thing is, Jasper says Irina feels decidedly insecure when she gets defensive about Laurent, so I think on some level she suspects him too but refuses to acknowledge it."

"So you think it's a case of 'the lady doth protest too much'?" I said quoting Shakespeare's _Hamlet_.

"Absolutely," she agreed.

"How are Carmen and Eleazar reacting to the situation?"

"For the most part they don't have much to say. I think they like to be neutral to keep peace in the house and you know that Eleazar always goes out of his way to be fair-minded, especially since we don't have any proof that Laurent is doing anything wrong."

"Hmm, yes, that sounds just like Eleazar," I put in.

"So anyway, we've been keeping our opinions to ourselves for the most part so we don't spoil our visit, or at least until we find any evidence to support our suspicions about Laurent."

"I think that's a very wise idea," I told her. "Be sure to keep me posted."

"I will."

"Is there any other news from Alaska I should know about?"

"OH! Yes!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Rose finally had a call from Bella's father yesterday."

I leaned forward, eager to hear what had happened. "How did that go?"

"According to the Alice, with Rose posing as a US Marshal, she was able to convince Charlie that Bella was indeed in witness protection. Rose and Alice both feel confident that he believed their story and that he should stop trying to look for her."

I smiled. "That's wonderful news. I'm sure Bella will be glad to hear it."

I heard Esme chuckle. "Alice is already talking about all the places she's going to take Bella shopping."

"Somehow I doubt that Bella will be quite as thrilled at the prospect of shopping as Alice is," I said leaning back in my chair.

She laughed in response. "This is true." There was a slight pause. "Darling, what music are you listening to? I don't think I've heard that recording before. It's wonderful. Very lively."

My face split into a wide grin. "It's not a recording, it's Edward playing the piano downstairs."

She let out a little huff. "Carlisle Cullen, don't you dare try and fool me about something like that. You know how much I miss hearing Edward play."

"I swear, darling, I'm not trying to fool you," I insisted. "He was playing when I got home."

"But what about Bella?" she asked, perplexed. "I thought she said even the idea of him playing hurt her."

"Well, she must have had a change of heart because when I got home from my shift at the hospital, I found them both sitting at the piano and at a number of points, he had her laughing. Actually, they were both laughing."

"Oh, Carlisle, that's wonderful!" she said happily then I could almost hear her pouting. "Oh, rats! But I'm missing it!"

I chuckled. "I'm sure he'll play for you when you get home."

"He'd better," she said with mock seriousness. Even as far apart as we were, I could picture her eyes lighting up at the prospect of hearing Edward play again.

"Well, my darling, I have some work I need to do so I'd better go," I told her reluctantly. "I just wanted to call to give you the good news about Edward playing again and to hear your voice."

"I'm so glad you did. The news about Edward is wonderful and I loved hearing your voice again too."

"I love you," I told her softly.

"I love you too," she replied. "More than I can say. Take care of yourself and I'll see you soon."

"Good-bye," I said and we both disconnected.

I sat there for a moment staring at the phone. Part of me wanted to call her back just to hear her voice again. Unless we were threatened with some unusual or overwhelming force, worrying about Esme was not something that I ever really had to do. But after Alice's suspicions about the red in her visions of not only Bella, but occasionally Esme, and given Laurent's odd disappearance, I'd started to do just that. If something happened to her, I didn't know what I'd do. Even though I knew of no direct threat to her in Alaska, part of me wished I'd asked her to stay home where she'd be close enough that I could help protect her if it came to that. But I hadn't done that and consequently, I knew I was going to spend the next week worrying about her before I could join her in Alaska.

Shaking off my morose thoughts, I pulled out a couple of medical text books that I wanted to use for some research and then sat down to review a few patient files.

Edward's play continued for quite a while, his style going from happy and playful, to quiet and emotional and everything in between. Some pieces I recognized and others I assumed were his own compositions. When the music finally fell silent, I looked at the clock and saw that three hours had passed. I heard a set of footsteps going up the stairs to the third floor and from the tone, my guess was that they were Edward's. I wondered if he was carrying Bella or if she was sitting downstairs reading as she so often did.

Then I heard some movement from their room on the third floor but no voices, then his footsteps coming back down and moving toward my office. The knock I had assumed was coming was quiet but not hesitant.

"_Come in_," I mentally instructed.

The door opened and Edward stood framed in the opening. "May I come in?"

I knew he'd hear my thoughts before I spoke them, but I decided to speak to him verbally rather than mentally. "Of course, Edward, you know my door is always open..." I smiled as he looked at the door which had been closed before he opened it. "Well, at least metaphorically speaking that is. How are you?"

Closing the door behind him, he sat down in one of my visitor chairs with a slight smile on his face. I didn't need Jasper to tell me that his mood was happy... satisfied. "I'm good, Carlisle."

"I can see that," I replied with a smile of my own. "I take it from the piano playing that Bella has gotten over her issues with music and you playing the piano in particular."

"Yes, I could hardly believe it," he told me. "One minute she was having breakfast and then the next thing I know, she's asking me to play for her. I was worried that she was doing it just to please me but she all but begged me to do it and I could see nothing but sincerity in her eyes."

"That's wonderful, Edward."

"And when I was playing, it was like nothing had changed; no time had passed," he all but gushed. "She listened to my playing with nothing but rapt delight on her face, I even made her laugh."

"Actually I heard you both laughing," I told him with a grin of my own. "It was a welcome sound. It's good to see you both so happy."

Abashed, he ran a hand through his hair. "I have to admit that laughing felt a little rusty for me, but being with her like that and hearing her laugh was nothing short of amazing to me."

"I'm really pleased for you, son." I grinned at him. "_I hope I didn't overstep my bounds, but Esme heard you over the phone and I told her it was you playing. She all but begged me to get you to play for her when she gets home,"_ I mentally added.

He smiled shyly. "I think that can be arranged, as long as Bella doesn't mind."

"By the way, where is Bella? I only heard your footsteps going upstairs."

His expression turned tender. "She fell asleep during that last piece, so I carried her upstairs so she would be comfortable while she napped."

"Ah, I see."

"Oh, speaking of Esme," Edward began. "I heard you on the phone with her earlier and that's great news about Charlie calling Rose. I'll be sure to tell Bella when she wakes up. I know it will be a load off her mind." Then he leveled a more serious look at me. "I also agree with her assessment of Laurent. I don't trust him at all. Given the fact he knew well ahead of time that our family was coming to visit the Denalis, I think it's a bit too coincidental that he should magically disappear a few hours after their arrival."

"I agree, but what do you think would make him leave?"

"My guess is that either he's up to something or someone is keeping him away purposefully and he doesn't want anyone else to know about it."

I was going to voice something that none of us had been saying, but I was pretty sure it was something we'd all been thinking. "And someone like Victoria would fit both those scenarios, wouldn't she?"

Edward nodded. "Yes, and if it is Victoria, Laurent knows that any one of our family members would likely recognize her scent on him and it's even more likely that Alice would see something of what he might be plotting with her." He paused. "You know, when James was still alive we were so focused on what he was doing that we didn't really look very hard at Laurent or Victoria. Consequently, we never did find out just how long of a history Laurent has with her and I doubt he's spoken of it to the Denalis."

"Back then, did you see anything at all in Laurent's mind about Victoria or how far she would take something like revenge?" I asked him.

"No, again, at the time Laurent was mostly focused on James. He told us he was tired of James' games and from what I saw in his thoughts he was being truthful. He found it tiresome that every time they would come across others of their kind, James would usually do something to alienate them. However, what I also saw in his mind was a certain... slickness. Even though he was apparently with James and Victoria for quite a while, I picked up from him mind that his own instinct for self-preservation and self-interest would always override any allegiances he had. He's also very good at charming people - especially unwitting female people - into doing what he wants or believing what he says."

I nodded. "It sounds like that's what he's done with Irina and her sisters."

"Exactly."

Now came the really important question that had been concerning me ever since I'd heard that Laurent had made a hasty departure. "If what you say is true and Victoria is the one Laurent is involved with or at the very least, she is the one keeping him from returning to the Denalis, that would mean she's in Alaska and probably not too far from the Denali's home. In light of that and given Alice's sporadic visions of red when she sees Esme, do you think I should have Esme come home now, rather than waiting until I go up there next week?"

Edward rubbed a hand over his jaw in weary frustration. "I just don't know, Carlisle. I can't see how Laurent or Victoria would be a threat to Esme directly, at least not any more so than the rest of the family. Me and Bella I could see since she probably blames me for James' death and maybe even you since you're the head of our family, but not Esme. She poses no threat to them and harming her gains them nothing."

"So you don't think that Esme's in danger?" I said voicing my fears aloud.

He sighed and leaned back in the chair. "Honesty, no I don't. But on the other hand, there's a reason why we always say not to bet against Alice, so I guess it's not completely beyond the realm of possibility. I just don't know. I'd feel a lot better if I was close enough to read Laurent's mind, but I'm not leaving Bella, so unless he shows up here that's not going to happen."

I greatly respected and relied on Edward's counsel and Alice's for that matter. While part of me felt a little foolish for what I was thinking about doing since I had no real proof that there was anything sinister about Laurent's disappearance, I decided that I was going to change my plans. Once I was done talking to Edward, I was going to call Esme back and ask her to come home. If she still wanted to go back to Alaska, we could both go back in a week when I was on vacation from work.

Of course, Edward picked up my thoughts right away. "I know you feel like it's erring on the side of caution, Carlisle, but under the circumstances, I think that might be for the best. It's also exactly what I'd do if Bella were in Esme's place."

I nodded. "Now all I have to do is figure out what we're going to tell the Denalis about Esme's departure without starting a disagreement that your brothers and sisters will have to deal with." I thought about it for a moment. "Well, I'll put my head together with Esme and the rest of our family and come up with something plausible. Now, did you come in here to talk to me about my phone call with Esme or did you have something else on your mind?"

His expression turned serious again, but this time I also saw a little hesitation or maybe it was embarrassment in his eyes when he spoke next. "Actually Carlisle, I was hoping I could talk to you for a bit about Bella."

I frowned. "What about Bella? Is something wrong with her?" I asked.

"No, nothing like that. I..." He hesitated, then sighed. "I just need your advice about some things."

Pleased he'd come to me with his concerns, I relaxed back in my chair. "Of course, Edward. What would you like to talk about?"

He opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. "This shouldn't be so hard..." he muttered more to himself than to me.

"What shouldn't be so hard?"

"Carlisle, do you remember that day in the grocery store? The day we had to buy..."

Suppressing a little shudder, I quickly raised my hand to stop him. "Don't say it. I thought we agreed never to speak of it again."

"I know we did, but what I'm trying to say is that the need to have this conversation with you makes me feel just like that day in the store."

I frowned. "Why? You don't need to feel embarrassed about coming to me about anything. I've never given you any reason to be hesitant about asking for my help, have I?"

"No, but..." He let out a long breath. "All right, here's what's at the heart of the issue. Bella and I have been doing a lot of talking about our relationship."

"That's good to hear," I told him, not understanding why telling me that should be so mortifying to him. "Communication is crucial in a relationship."

"Yes, but what Bella wants is for our relationship to go to the next level..."

I watched as he squirmed slightly in his seat and to my surprise, I could almost swear he was blushing. It was slight and almost imperceptible, but it was there. Which, given the fact that we really didn't have the physical capacity to blush unless it was the slight flush we got right after feeding, was quite a feat.

"What level do you mean?" I asked, although from his 'blush' I had a pretty good idea.

He took a deep breath and then let it out. "She wants to take things between us to the next level... _physically_."

Now I understood why he was embarrassed. We were apparently going to have the 'birds and the bees' talk. Given his age, his medical degrees and all the mental pictures I'm sure Edward had seen just from living around the three couples in this house, not to mention society at large, I didn't know what I'd be able to tell him that he didn't already know about the mechanics of sex, but I suspected he needed more than that anyway and I was pretty sure that I could help him with.

"I see. Well, that's a big step," I pointed out. "How do you feel about taking it?"

He got up from the chair and paced in front of my desk as the words poured out of him. "I want it. Of course I want it. I want _her_! I want to have that intimacy with her, to be with her the way she wants and the way I want. Not because of her blood, but because of _her_. Do you know that she doesn't even have to be in same room for me to want her? I'll catch a fresh waft of her scent, or hear her voice in another room or even see her in someone else's thoughts and it's like my body just switches on. I've wanted her, was _drawn_ to her from the first day I saw her, but now it's as if all I can think of is the need to be with her. To bury myself in her and to have her _wrapped _around me."

He dragged a hand through his hair. "It's like my body has a mind of its own and certain portions of my anatomy are perpetually in a state of... alert. I'm over a hundred years old and for the first time in my existence, I feel every inch of a hormonal, horny 17 year old boy and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. Sometimes it's all I can do not to start tearing her clothes off so I can have my way with her."

I worked hard to keep my expression neutral and not let a smile form on my lips. What he was saying wasn't funny, but it did my heart good to see that his lust for something other than Bella's blood was alive and well. He'd always been so celibate that Esme had often fretted over whether or not he would ever develop more than an emotional or familial love for a mate. I could now tell her without fear of contradiction that was not going to be a problem.

Apparently hearing my thoughts, Edward stopped and turned to glare at me in annoyance. "You know I really hate it when you all spend time speculating about my sexuality. I expect it from Emmett and Jasper because, well, they're Emmett and Jasper, but I would have hoped that you and Esme would have better things to do."

I could easily understand his feelings on the matter. "I know, son, I'm sorry," I said with a sigh. "If it makes you feel any better it was never a case of there being a family meeting on the matter. It was simply a conversation or two between Esme and I and only because we cared about you and wanted you to be happy. We knew how hard it was for you to live in a house full of couples when you were the only single one."

Dropping back down into the chair, Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know that, Carlisle. It's just that hearing you've speculated on this particular topic makes me feel like an even bigger freak than usual."

I blinked in surprise. While I knew that he'd often hated what he was, what I myself had made him into, I'd never heard him call himself a freak. "Why would you feel that way?"

Dropping his hand, he let out a bitter little laugh. "Carlisle, I'm a mind reading, blood drinking, virgin, perpetually 17 going on 100 and something year old vampire. What's NOT freakish about me?"

I got up from my desk and went to lay a hand on his shoulder. "You're not a freak, Edward. You're a strong man..." He started to protest, but I held my ground. "...yes I said _man_, with a good heart, a quick brain and a loving spirit. I'm proud to call you my son and to have you as part of this family and although I could see why you might feel it's a burden, you should see your mind reading as a miraculous gift."

"Intellectually, I know what you're saying is true, Carlisle, but it's still sometimes heard to feel that way." He leveled a very earnest look at me. "Except when I'm with Bella. When I'm with her, all of that goes away. Our past issues aside, when I'm with her, I don't feel like a vampire or a freak, I just feel like a man and like the person I'm supposed to be."

I smiled at his words and at the reaffirmation of what I already knew. Bella was his missing half, the thing that completed him and the woman that brought out the best in him.

"She really is everything," he agreed hearing my thoughts. "The biggest mistake of my existence was thinking I could ever be without her."

Hoping that it would lend a more casual air to a conversation, I sat down in the chair next to him rather than back behind my desk. "Then what's stopping you from taking the next step with her?" I asked. "From what you've said, Bella is willing, if not eager."

He sighed. "It's just that part of me is still stuck back when you changed me with the same morals and societal norms that my parents drilled into me growing up." Leaning back in the chair, he dragged a hand through his hair. "I've done so many things wrong with Bella. I don't want our physical relationship to be another one of them."

I considered his words. "Have you told Bella your feelings on the matter?"

"Yes, she says she understands why I could feel that way, but she believes my thinking is flawed and that I shouldn't be applying 1918 morality to our present day situation." He smiled. "She even likened it to driving a car from that era in this day and age."

"_Interesting analogy,"_ I mentally commented then responded out loud. "Edward, I won't presume to tell you how to feel or what moral code you should follow. You and Bella will have to work on the situation until you can come to some kind of compromise that will satisfy you both." I gave him a smile. "No pun intended."

Edward dragged a hand through his hair. "Actually, I think I may have a possible solution."

That piqued my interest. "Oh? And what might that be?"

As his eyes met mine, his expression was level and calm. "I want to ask her to marry me."

I stared at him thoughtfully for a moment and he seemed surprised that I wasn't giving him a more exuberant response. "Edward, I want to say I'm happy to hear that you want to marry Bella, but there's something I feel I need to clarify."

"Go ahead," he urged.

"You don't just want to marry her so that society and your own conscience will say it's all right for you to have relations with her, do you?"

"Oh, God, Carlisle. Please don't call it 'relations,' it makes me think Bella's my sister or something," he said with a little shudder.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "All right, we'll call it sex then, but you didn't answer the question."

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "No, of course that's not the reason. Well, at least not the primary reason. I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be at least a perk of being married to her. But I've thought about marrying her even before I left her in Forks and now after everything that's happened in the last few months, I want it even more."

"All right, but you still haven't told me why."

The look he sent me was a bit exasperated and he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Because I love her, Carlisle, and want to be with her in every way possible," he said. "I also want to publicly show my commitment to her and have her do the same for me."

Now I couldn't help but release that smile I'd been holding back. "Very good answer, son. Those are all excellent reasons to get married." Now it was my turn to be surprised when my words didn't make him look as happy as I expected him to. "Why do I feel like I'm missing something important?" he asked.

Edward sighed. "You're overlooking the fact that Bella may not want to marry me."

I frowned. "Why wouldn't she want that? She loves you."

"The question isn't if she loves me or not, the question is how receptive will she be to the idea of marriage at all. I believe her parents divorce did some serious damage to her views on the subject."

"Ah, I see."

"And I'm concerned that if I bring up the subject of marriage to her it's going to start a fight and it's going to drive a wedge between us and that's the last thing I want."

I looked at him for a very long moment. "Well, I suppose you do run that risk, but honestly I think the chances of it happening are very low, even to the point of being a million to one."

A flash of hope went through his eyes. "Really?"

"Son, I hate to tell you this, but all couples fight. You know as well as I do that every couple in this house, including Esme and me, have had a fight or a disagreement at one time or another. It's bound to happen, in fact, it's healthy for it to happen. Let me ask you this, is there anything Bella could do or say to you that would make you leave her again?"

His answer was immediate. "No, nothing. Even if she ordered me away, I'm not ashamed to say I would still stay at the fringes of her life."

"Exactly, and I think Bella feels the same way. She loves you. She came alive when you came back to her. She's not going to cut you out of her life again. It would take..." I considered that. "Well, actually I can't think of anything horrible enough to make her turn her back on you."

"You really think so?"

"I do." I sat back in the chair. "Edward, I know that to say you and Bella have had your challenges is a gross understatement, but neither of you can live your life in fear of what the other is going to say every time you express your opinion or ask for something you want or need. That's no way to have a relationship or a healthy marriage. Bella was honest enough to tell you that she wanted to be closer to you physically and I'm sure she expects the same honesty from you. Besides, didn't you tell me you promised to be honest with her from now on?"

"Yes, I did tell her that."

"Then you're off to a good start. As I said earlier, communication is crucial to a relationship and being honest is the first step to good communication."

Hanging his head, Edward was quiet for a long time as he considered that. For a moment, I wished that I had his mind reading abilities so I could see what he was thinking.

Finally, he looked up at me. "You make it all sound so simple."

"No, it's not simple at all. Relationships are work. A good marriage is work. But the rewards can be amazing and well worth the effort."

"I'm beginning to understand that."

I nodded, pleased that I seemed to be giving him a lot of food for thought. However, I could still see that something was bothering him. "Was there something else worrying you?" I asked.

He stared at me for a long moment and I could see the hint of embarrassment creep into his eyes again. "Well... it goes back to the question of a physical relationship with Bella," he began. "But it goes beyond the moral question of whether or not I should have a physical relationship with her and into the realm of whether or not I CAN have a physical relationship with her that is safe."

"Why do you think a physical relationship might not be safe for her?"

His laugh was slightly incredulous. "Isn't it obvious? What if I'm overwhelmed with what I'm feeling and I hurt her?"

I studied him for a long moment. "Do you want to hurt her?"

"No! Of course not. How can you even ask me that?"

I pressed on without answering his question. "Have you ever had an issue with hurting her?"

"Just when I pushed her away to save her from Jasper's attack at her birthday party."

I nodded. "Which I'm sure Bella would agree was accidental and does not count," I said. He looked like he was thinking about arguing with me but I went on before he could. "What about when you drank her blood to save her from James' venom?"

He frowned. "What about it?"

"Did you lose control then?" I asked. "Were you unable to stop?"

His frown deepened. "Why are you asking me this? You were there. You know what happened."

"Just answer the question."

"No, of course not," he snapped out in frustration. "Well, maybe for a split second I was lost in how wonderful she tasted but then..."

I finished for him. "But then your concern was all for Bella and the fact that if you didn't stop, she would die and you found the will to stop. And that was when you were still almost irresistibly drawn to her blood. You see, Edward, I don't think you give yourself enough credit. If you could find the will to stop then, why do you think you won't be able to find the will to not hurt her when you have relations... uh, sex with her."

"I guess I hadn't thought about it like that," he murmured.

"Well, I think you should. I believe that if you feed often, especially right before you want to be with her and then stay focused on her, on her reactions, and on the way she is responding, you'll be fine." I looked at him for a moment, gauging if I should throw in this last part or not but I decided it couldn't hurt. "You might also consider letting her be on top."

"Why?"

"Because it gives her the more dominant position and lets her have more control how things progress and at what speed."

He seemed to mull that over. "Bella also had a suggestion," he said quietly.

"Really?" I asked interested to hear what she had come up with. Bella was turning out to be much more forthright about this aspect of their relationship than I had given her credit for. "And what was that?"

"She mentioned the fact that once I wasn't able to even kiss her or touch her without worrying about losing control or taking things too far, but after some practice, kissing her is effortless now." He looked away and again. I could see just the hint of a flush at the top edge of his cheeks, clearly showing his embarrassment. "She thinks we should apply that with sex as well."

I had to force myself not to smile as I worked to come up with the right response. "So she...ah, wants you to... practice? Almost like desensitizing yourself to her?"

"Something like that," he said still not looking at me. "She pointed out that there is more to sex or pleasuring your partner than intercourse and she thinks we should try other things as a way for me to adjust to the feelings that being that close to her would bring."

"Well, I think Bella made a very smart suggestion," I told him. "She's absolutely right."

Now for the bad news.

"However, there is something that you haven't mentioned and that you need to prepare yourself for."

His gaze flashed up to mine and he frowned at me. "What's that?"

"The first time you do have intercourse with Bella, there is a possibility there will be at least a small amount of blood and some level of pain on her part so she may not enjoy it as much as you will."

Edward inhaled a breath and then scrubbed a hand over his face. "Actually, that had occurred to me, but I just didn't see any way around it."

"Well, there really isn't," I told him honestly. "With your medical training, you know as well as I do that the level of blood and discomfort for her will depend largely on how intact her hymen is, but it can also be influenced by how aroused she is and well lubricated she is. There's a chance she may not even bleed at all."

"But she hasn't been with anyone before," Edward put in.

"I figured as much, but there are other things that can weaken or partially rupture the hymen, including some of that 'practicing' that Bella suggested and the gynecological exam she's scheduled to have tomorrow," I pointed out.

"Hmm, that's true, I hadn't considered that."

"Well, if it's a concern for Bella she can speak to the doctor about it when she has her appointment. In any case, I still think it would be a good idea for you to hunt often if you're going to regularly be with Bella on a physical level. Being well fed will give you more control and since I'm going to ask Esme to come home, you won't have to worry about leaving Bella alone if I'm working at the hospital."

"That will make me feel better," he agreed sitting back in his chair. "Actually, this whole discussion has made me feel better. I figured it would be the most mortifying discussion of my existence, but you've made it relatively painless."

I could tell from the more relaxed set of his shoulders and the less strain around his eyes and along his brow that he was telling the truth and I gave him a smile. "Well, just be glad that your brothers aren't here. I'm sure they would have delighted in making it as awkward and embarrassing as possible."

He chuckled. "I'm sure once they get back and find out that things are progressing between Bella and I, they'll do their best to make up for lost time."

I laughed with him. "Oh, I'm sure you're right about that. If I know one thing about your brothers, especially Emmett, it's that they like to take every opportunity they can to embarrass someone."

Our laughter slowly died away. "In all seriousness, Carlisle, thank you for talking to me about this. I feel a little adrift with the new aspects of my relationship with Bella and it helps to have someone who is more experienced to talk to."

Warmed by his praise and gratified by the fact that he'd come to me with his questions and I'd been able to help him, I smiled. "I'm glad I could be of help."

Just then, above our heads, we heard the sound of footsteps padding across the floor above. "Bella must be up," Edward commented looking up as if he could see Bella through the ceiling. Then he looked back at me. "I'd better go check on her. She'll probably be hungry for lunch by now."

"Let me know if you have any other questions. I'm going to call Esme back and talk to her about coming home."

"All right," he said as rose and walked to the door.

"_Leave it open,"_ I mentally told him as I rose from the visitor's chair and went to sit behind my desk again.

Edward opened the door and disappeared out into the hall, leaving the door to my study open in his wake as I'd requested. As I settled myself in the desk chair, picked up the cell phone and dialed Esme, I stared at the doorway Edward had just left through. Edward and his siblings were normally so self-sufficient, that I didn't get much of a chance to play the father role with them, so being able to do so like I had just done with Edward filled me with a great sense of satisfaction.

Esme's voice broke me out of my reverie. "Hello? Carlisle?" she asked in surprise.

"Hello again, darling."

She was instantly on alert. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," I half lied.

"But I just talked to you," she asked in bafflement. "Not that I mind, but why are you calling back so soon?"

"Can't I just call to talk to my beautiful wife again because I missed hearing her voice?"

She laughed softly. "Well, of course you can, but I know you too well, Dr. Cullen. You wouldn't be calling again so soon if you didn't have something to tell me. Are you sure everyone's okay?"

She did know me too well. "I promise, Esme, everyone here is just fine, don't worry."

There was a long pause on her end of the phone and as I had earlier, I heard the sounds of her moving further away from the house. "Okay, now tell me why you really called," she said in her best wifely voice.

I sighed. It was time to stop stalling. "I called because I need to ask a favor of you and it may sound a little crazy, but I'm hoping you'll indulge me."

There was no hesitation in her answer and I loved her for it. "Of course, Carlisle, whatever you need me to do just ask."

"I need you to come home."

TBC...

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><p>I know this chapter wasn't very exciting or a big jump ahead and some will say they don't care what Carlisle is doing but I liked the way the conversation between Edward and Carlisle came out. This chapter was all about laying the ground work for both Edward and Bella being together and for other future events that you WILL care about in later chapters. I had a number of reviewers comment that Edward shouldn't let Bella pressure him into doing anything he doesn't want and I wanted to show that Edward DOES want to be with her but he just needs to process that desire in light of his old-fashioned values. I hope you liked it.<p>

_**The next chapter:**_ I haven't written it yet but the plan is for it to be part citrusy goodness for Bella and Edward as they 'practice' and part new developments in Alaska. See you then!


	35. Chapter 35

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

_**Author's Note:**_ For those of you still out there, please don't faint, but YES I have a new chapter to post. To say I'm grateful to those that are still out there and interested in this story even after I've been so erratic with my posting is a gross understatement. Between packing up and moving to a new house, having a 12 people at my new place for Thanksgiving, being crazy busy at work and now the holidays, my writing time has been severely limited. So thank you, thank you, thank you to those who have stuck with me. This chapter is from Jasper's POV as most of the gang is still in Alaska. The good news is, chapter 36 is already complete and will post for Christmas next weekend and it's ALL about some citrusy goodness for Edward and Bella.

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><p><em><strong>RecapRefresher:**_ Bella had gotten over the period from hell and was feeling much better and she asked him to play the piano for her. Bella told Edward she wanted to take their physical relationship a step forward. He was hesitant but talked to Carlisle at length about it and had a lot of his fears put to rest.

Meanwhile, in Alaska, Alice and Rose were hunting when Rose got a call from Charlie. With Rose posing as a US Marshal, she was able to convince Charlie that Bella was indeed in witness protection and he should stop looking for her. The Cullens are all suspicious of the fact that Laurent mysteriously disappeared shortly after their arrival in Alaska, but the Denali sisters are hearing none of it. Fearing that Victoria might be at least part of Laurent's sudden departure and the fact that Alice was still having 'red' visions of Esme, Carlisle asked Esme to come home from Alaska. I think that brings us back to where this chapters picks up.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 35<strong>_

**JASPER**

The mood in the car was decidedly dispirited on the way back from the airport where we'd put Esme on a plane back to New York. Alice and I were riding in the back of the spacious sedan we'd borrowed from Carmen and Eleazar while Rose was seated in the front passenger seat and Emmett drove us back to the Denali's home. Under normal circumstances, it didn't take four people to drive one woman to the airport, but we all welcomed the opportunity to get away from the tension in the house.

Esme's announcement that Carlisle needed her back in New York had prompted no small amount of suspicion from Irina and her sisters, not to mention a renewed level of animosity from them. If they'd been prickly about Laurent before, they were downright sullen now. No matter how many times Esme had lied and said it was unrelated, they viewed her departure as a reaction to the situation with Laurent and as some kind of personal affront to their hospitality. Carmen and Eleazar had remained neutral through it all and had attempted, with little success, to be the peacemakers.

Of course, the sisters were right, not that we were going to admit it, but Esme did leave because of Laurent and a possible threat from Victoria. As a family, the Cullens - without the Denalis- met in secret to discuss Carlisle's request and Edward's insight on the issue of Alice's visions, coupled with Laurent's odd disappearance. Where Esme was concerned, we wanted to be safe rather than sorry, and so we agreed that she should go home where she would be out of harm's way.

Privately, Alice had confided to me that while logically she agreed that Esme would be safer at home, she was still a bit disturbed by the fact that the decision to send Esme home had done nothing to get rid of the red haze she'd seen in her visions of Esme.

"Alls I'm saying, is that I think we should have gone with her," Emmett groused from the driver's seat. Of all of us, he was the most annoyed about staying in Alaska.

"I'm sure she'll be fine on the trip home, Em," I assured him.

"Oh, I'm not worried about her; I'm worried about us, or more accurately, I'm worried about the three bitches," he all but growled.

"Emmett! Don't call them that," Rose admonished but I could feel her amusement.

"What? That was the g-rated version of what I wanted to call them," he said. "I swear, if Irina starts in again, I'm going to pull that stick out of her ass and beat her with it." I couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Come on, Em, don't be like that," Rose chided, but it didn't take my empathic abilities to know that she was trying not to laugh.

"Maybe you're right. That stick is so far up her ass now, it would probably need to be surgically removed," he growled, then added in a grumble. "In fact, it's so far up there, I'm surprised she's not choking on it."

That time, Rose didn't even try to rein him in. Instead, we all broke out laughing as Emmett continued his rant.

"I mean, it's not as if this has been that great a trip anyway. Sure, the hunting is awesome, but Carlisle and Eddie had to stay behind, I miss little sis, and to top it all off, the Denalis don't even have an X-Box or a Playstation!"

"It's the end of civilization as we know it," I smirked.

"Oh, shut up," he groused. "You know what I mean. Except for their satellite TV and the hunting, it's been dead-dull boring up here."

"You do have your iPad," Alice suggested brightly.

"Nah, it's no fun without little sis making fun of me," he said.

'Little sis' was the nickname he'd given Bella. He'd tried calling her "Belly" but she hated it so much that she threatened to never play a game - video or otherwise - with him again if he kept calling her that, and so he'd stopped. Edward wasn't the only one that Bella had wrapped around her finger. It's just that with Emmett, and if I was being honest, myself, it was in a purely sisterly way.

"Aw, Em, if that's all you want, we can make fun of you," I teased in a sweetly mocking voice.

"You better not, unless you want your limbs rearranged," Emmett grumbled back.

It was Alice that finally put a stop to his complaining. "Look, Emmett, I think we can all agree that this vacation hasn't turned out all that well, and we would rather be going home with Esme than staying here." She paused meaningfully. "But this is where we need to be. We need to stay here for at least a few more days in case Laurent comes back, so we can try and figure out what he's up to and if he has any link to Victoria."

"I know, I know," he conceded. "It doesn't mean I have to like it."

The rest of the car ride back to the house was uneventful and mostly silent, except for the radio. We all felt a little like we were kids being sent to detention rather than recess, and I had a feeling that we'd be spending a good portion of the days Alice said we should remain here out in the woods hunting, or more accurately, hiding out from the wrath of Irina and her sisters.

However, to keep up appearances for the time being, we dutifully returned to the house and attempted to make nice with our hosts. As it turned, out that wasn't hard since Irina, Kate and Tanya were out when got there, and we had no issues with Carmen and Eleazar. Alice and Rose visited with the two of them while Emmett and I sat down in front of the large flat screen TV and Emmett tried to find some kind of sporting event to watch. Of course, I would have preferred something along the lines of the History Channel as opposed to ESPN, but he vetoed that idea, and since he had the remote, I didn't have much say in the matter unless I wanted to physically fight him for it.

Surprisingly though, there wasn't much going on in sports right then either, so Emmett took out his frustrations by continually running through the channels in a demented round robin. Humans had nothing on vampires when it came to flipping through channels. Basically, he could flip through them as fast as the TV or box would allow, and it only took a flash of a channel for him to be able to tell what was playing on a given channel before moving on.

Of course, I found it VERY annoying. It would have been a little better if he'd just used the built-in channel guide, but I assume he found rounding the channels more entertaining. Plus, I am pretty sure he knew it annoyed me and enjoyed hearing me grind my teeth.

By the time he'd started on his fifth trip through the 300+ channels, he was complacent enough that he didn't expect me to reach out and snatch the remote out of his hand.

"Hey! Give that back!"

"No," I said with a little growl, as I pulled up the on-screen channel guide and started scrolling through the offerings. "You can't pick anything, and it's driving me crazy."

"It's not my fault there's nothing on!"

"That's your opinion," I shot back. "I saw lots of things I wanted to watch."

Then he started whining like a five year old. "But everything you always want to watch is so boring!"

"Well, you had your chance to find something and you didn't, so deal with it," I told him as I moved farther down the couch, so it wouldn't be as easy for him to steal back the remote. It probably never occurred to him that he could have just gotten up and pressed the channels on the satellite cable box to change the stations if he really wanted to.

The first thing I came to that looked like it had remote possibilities was a news broadcast. I hadn't seen the news for a while, so I decided to start there. I assumed it would be a broadcast from Anchorage, since that was the closest metropolitan city, although given the fact that the Denalis had the end-all-be-all of satellite packages, it could have just as easily been from South Korea.

As it turned out, it was a broadcast from a station in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

_Recapping one of our top stories. As rumors swirl about the mysterious disappearance of former Vancouver businessman David Manchester and his wife, Valerie, their family has hired a private investigator to help get to the bottom of it all._

_Manchester, 58, is the retired former- owner of Centennial Manufacturing located in Fraiserview. He and his wife disappeared two weeks ago from their home in the Vancouver community of Point Grey._

_Their son, Alex, and daughter, Christine, told reporters in a brief press conference that they made the decision to hire a private investigator to work the case after the authorities failed to turn up any significant leads in the case._

_The last person to report seeing the Manchesters was their housekeeper, Megan O'Toole. She told police that she fixed their dinner Friday night and then left for the weekend. When she returned on Monday, she observed that the house was in disarray and immediately alerted the authorities and the Manchester's children. _

_Also missing, is the couple's white 2010 Mercedes sedan bearing the British Columbia vanity license plate reading TAKEOVR._

_"We love them so much," said daughter Christine. "And we just want them to come home to us." _

_"We miss you, Pop-pop, please come home," pleaded their grandson, Tommy._

_Anyone with information on this case or the whereabouts of David or Valerie Manchester or their white 2010 Mercedes sedan is asked to call the Royal Canadian Mounted Police at 604-278-1212 or the Vancouver Police Department at 604-717-3321. Anonymous information can also be given to Crime Stoppers by calling 604-252-7463 or sending a text message to__TIP657__._

I froze.

I knew where their car was.

Before I could even open my mouth to say something, I saw Alice stiffen out of the corner of my eye, and due to both of our actions, the entire room went quiet. Turning to look at her, I saw her staring blankly into space as a vision raced through her head. And then, all at once, I could feel her recognition, as I assumed she saw me, or someone at my direction, finding the car.

Her eyes focused on me. "The car is somewhere in the park, isn't it?" she asked me, referring to nearby Denali National Park.

I nodded. "Yes, right near the Denali Visitor Center. I saw it a couple of nights ago when we were hunting in the park. At the time, I didn't think much about it and just figured it was someone that was camping or doing an evening hike."

"No, that can't be right," Carmen put in. "They don't allow overnight parking at the visitor's center or anywhere else in the park for anyone but staff."

"I didn't know that," I told her. "If it's still where I saw it last, it's off to one side of the visitor's center in a small copse of trees and brush. I don't think anyone would see it, unless you knew where to look. I only saw it by accident because I ran past it on my way to meet up with Alice when we were hunting."

"And you're sure it's the same car they mentioned in the news story?"

I nodded. "Yes, I remember seeing the personalized plate from British Columbia and thinking that it was a bit on the pretentious side."

"Well, what are we gonna do about it?" Emmett asked. "Maybe we should call the park rangers and give them an anonymous tip on where to find it."

I opened my mouth to agree that would be the best idea when Alice spoke first. "No, we need to go there and see it...tonight."

"Why should we care beyond helping the police?" Rose asked. "How does it affect us? We don't know that man from Vancouver or his wife."

"I don't know," Alice said, her eyes went a bit blank again as she reviewed the vision. "All I can tell you is that it's important."

I frowned. "Can you give us anything more, darlin'?"

She pursed her lips in frustration. "No, sorry." Her eyes focused on me. "But we need to go."

Knowing better than to ignore her hunches, I nodded. "Then that's what we'll do."

Hours later, Alice, Rose, Emmett and I left the house on foot. Our departure was made easier by the fact that the Denali sisters hadn't returned, and until we knew what we were dealing with, Carmen and Eleazar had agreed to only tell them that we'd gone hunting. The idea almost made me want to laugh. If we'd actually done all the 'hunting' we'd said we'd been doing since we'd been in Alaska, we'd all slosh when we moved. I wondered if the sisters realized that and were just not calling us out on it.

Luckily, our advanced senses allowed us to see in the dark just as well as if it had been the middle of the day, so we had no trouble navigating through the park. We found the white Mercedes sitting just where I remembered it, and it did indeed have a British Columbia personalized license plate that read "TAKEOVR". The four of us approached it slowly, but didn't see any signs of life or any indications that it had been disturbed. It had rained on and off over the past few days, so there were leaves and other organic debris that had fallen out of the trees and surrounding brush, but otherwise, the exterior of the car appeared to be fairly clean and undamaged.

"Well, I don't smell anything," Emmett commented as we walked to the car. "But there's been enough rain that it probably washed away any kind of scent around the car."

I nodded. "It appears that whoever left the car here is long gone."

Outside of the metallic and faint engine oil smell, the area around the car just smelled like any other outdoor area in the park. But then, a moment later as we got closer, I realized my earlier observation was wrong.

"Or not," I murmured as my senses began to register the hint of something else coming from the car. Given the sudden, surprised emotions rolling off the others, they hadn't missed it either.

It was the smell of death.

"This is not going to end well, is it?" Rose put in.

"I think that's safe to say," I added.

Emmett, Rose, and I all looked in the windows of the car, but didn't see much that looked out of place. No blood or anything else that was cause for concern or indicated where the smell was coming from. The keys were even still in the ignition.

Unlike the rest of us, Alice had yet to move past the back of the car which she was staring hard at. "We need to look in the trunk," she said without looking up.

We all stood there for a long moment contemplating Alice's statement. "Well, I'm not doing it," Emmett finally announced, as he took a couple of steps back and crossed his arms over his chest.

I could tell that like me, he suspected that the decaying smell was coming from the trunk, which meant that there was most likely either a body or some kind of dead animal in it. I could also tell that he was a little freaked out by the idea of finding corpses. In my experience and contrary to what most people would expect, vampires weren't all that big on corpses, or at least those in an advanced state of decomposition. Yes, they dealt with dead bodies when they drained someone and killed them, but usually the body was disposed of quickly and they didn't hang around to see the body once it began to decay.

"I'll do it," I said. While it wasn't as if I WANTED to find dead bodies in the truck, my military experience, both human and vampire had conditioned me so that the idea really didn't bother me all that much. For me, it was a mark in the positive column that at least I hadn't been the one to kill them. "But does anyone have any idea how I can open the trunk lid without ripping it open? We're supposed to be keeping a low profile, not to mention wanting to disturb a possible crime scene as little as possible, and I don't think destroying part of the car exactly accomplishes that."

"Maybe there's a trunk release inside the car," Rose suggested, as she moved to stand beside Emmett. "Some cars have that."

"That's true, but that's still going to present a problem if the car is locked," I said walking to the driver's door.

We hadn't actually tried opening one of the car doors or checking to see if they were locked, so I figured it was worth a try. Given the fact that our skin was hard, and we didn't have the same oils on our skin that humans had, we didn't usually leave fingerprints; but just to be safe, I had worn a pair of leather gloves as an extra precaution in case I needed to touch something.

Reaching out, I gripped the driver's door handle and pulled. The door opened easily, and besides the interior dome light in the car coming on, no alarm or other notable item went off or made a sound.

Of course, that didn't stop my own internal alarms from screaming when I smelled the scent wafting off the interior of the car. Between the rain outside and the fact that the windows had been rolled up so the car was well sealed, I hadn't been able to detect the scent before now. But now, in addition to the renewed smell of death that was much stronger in the interior, I could smell another, even more alarming smell.

Victoria.

Her scent was unmistakably all over the inside of the car.

"Come here, Emmett."

He looked at me suspiciously. "Why?"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. "Just come the hell over here, you big baby, there's nothing scary to see. I just want to you tell me what you smell."

He still looked a bit skeptical but he cautiously walked over to me and leaned down so his head was just inside the interior of the car. I felt alarm wash over him, and his gaze flashed up to mine.

"What is it?" Rose said coming up behind us. With the door having been open for a minute or two, enough of the interior scent had escaped that she didn't need to get any closer to smell what we had. "Damn," she growled. "I hate it when Alice is right."

"Right about what?" Alice said moving to stand beside Rose. She too was able to pick up on the scent right away. "Oh, I was afraid of that. Victoria was definitely here."

Nodding, I took a deeper draught of the stale air. "I'd say it's been at least four days since anyone's been in here. And I don't think she was alone. Beside the two human scents, I'm picking up the scent of one other vampire."

Rose took a little whiff. "But it's not Laurent," she commented in surprise.

I was almost disappointed that she was right. Having some kind of proof that Laurent and Victoria had been in close proximity would have been helpful to our cause with the Denalis.

"No, definitely not Laurent," I agreed. "It's also not a vampire that I've ever encountered before."

Rose let out a breath. "Well, at least we know Bella's safe. If Victoria's here in Alaska, then she's nowhere near Bella."

I looked back at her. "But that still begs the question as to why of all the places Victoria could have picked, she shows up in Alaska."

"I can come up with only two possibilities," Alice said. "Either it's a gigantic coincidence, which is what the Denali sisters are going to say, or she's here to look up her old buddy Laurent."

Rose stared back at Alice. "Which is what we're going to say."

"Damn right," Emmett smacked his fist into the palm of his hand for emphasis.

We all murmured our agreement, and then I caught sight of a small fob hanging on the key ring sticking out of the ignition. Among the options on the fob were lock, unlock and yes, a picture of a car with an open truck which I assumed was the trunk release we'd been looking for. Reaching over, I pressed the button and heard the trunk lock snick open.

"Emmett, Rose, while I check the trunk make a thorough inventory of the interior, just in case she left behind any clues as to what she's planning," I suggested. "Be sure to look under the seats and inside the glove compartment, but try not to disturb anything unless it's directly related to Victoria."

They both nodded and got to work while I walked to the back of the car. The trunk lid was ajar but not open. As with the interior of the car, the smell of death was much stronger now that it was open. Alice moved to stand beside me, and I paused before lifting the lid.

"Darlin' why don't you go help Emmett and Rose search the car?" I said, trying to spare her the sight of what I was almost positive was going to be the bodies of the two missing Canadians.

She looked at me sympathetically and then squeezed my arm. "That's all right, they can handle it. I'll stay here with you," she said calmly, then added. "Don't worry, Jazz, I've already seen them in my head. It won't bother me."

Of course she would have already seen them. I hated that she saw so many ugly things in her mind and wished there was some way I could take that away from her or spare her from it. But I also knew that she was strong enough to take it and that her abilities were what made her what she was, and I definitely wouldn't change her for the world.

With a nod, I reached down and opened the trunk. Just as I'd assumed there would be, two lifeless faces looked up at us from the trunk with empty eyes. The middle aged couple matched the pictures we'd seen during the news broadcast. I was, however, surprised to see just how well preserved they were and that the stench wasn't too over-powering. I was sure that was because not only was the car parked in a very shaded area, but summer really hadn't taken full hold up here yet, so the average daily high temperature had hovered just above freezing. Consequently, both bodies were about as well preserved as if they'd been kept in a medical examiner's refrigerated drawer all this time.

In addition to the bite wounds on their throats and even over the smell of the decaying bodies, I could pick out Victoria's scent in the trunk as well as that of her companion. They'd definitely been the ones to kill these people.

"I think they've been here a while," I commented to Alice. "The air here seems much more stale than in the passenger compartment. My estimate is that they've been in here for almost two weeks."

"Victoria and her friend must have killed them not long after they snatched them and the car from Vancouver and then left their bodies in the trunk while they drove the car up here," Alice surmised.

I had to agree. "I'm guessing this hapless pair was a picnic lunch for Victoria and whomever she was traveling with."

"Do you think we should search the trunk?" Alice suggested next.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea, but it means we'll have to move the bodies," I pointed out. "How about if I hold one up and you look underneath it?"

"Okay," she said without protest. That was my Alice, always ready when tough things needed to be done.

Picking up the man first, I held him as far away from my body as I could to help keep from transferring any fibers or other evidence from my clothes to the body, and I waited a moment while she quickly searched underneath where his body had been. When she was done, we repeated the process for the woman.

"I couldn't find anything, Jazz," she said as I settled the woman back in the trunk, and then using my photographic vampire memory, I tried to rearrange the bodies back to the way we'd found them.

"We couldn't find anything either," Emmett said as he closed the drivers door and walked back to where we were standing at the trunk. "It was as clean as...ACK!" he let out a cry just like a frightened little girl and jumped back as if someone had someone had stuck him with a cattle prod. "Those are dead bodies!"

Despite the dire situation for the two people in the trunk, I couldn't help but smirk at him. I though it was sort of funny that a big, usually badass vampire like Emmett would be so freaked out by two harmless corpses. "Astute as always, Emmett, but yes, those are indeed dead bodies."

"Ugh!" he said backing up until he couldn't see the bodies. "Okay, this just got real. Now that we have proof that the red-haired bitch is around, but there's nothing else here we can use to track her down, I say we get the hell out of Dodge and drop an anonymous tip to the park rangers or the police or whatever and let them deal with it."

"I agree with Emmett," Rose added. "If someone sees us with this car then there are going to be a hell of a lot of questions that we don't want to answer."

"Agreed," I said, closing the trunk lid and looking at Alice. "Unless there's something else you think we should do before we go, darlin'?"

"No, we're done here," she said. "The police can handle it from here."

I took her hand. "All right, then let's go find a phone they can't trace back to us and get things rolling."

TBC...

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><p>And so the plot thickens. But where are Victoria, Riley and Laurent now?<p>

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><p><em><strong>Next Week (I promise it's already written and everything):<strong>_

Bella has a dream and it leads to some lemony goodness for her and Edward. My little Christmas present from me to you!


	36. Chapter 36

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who is still out there reading and a gigantic hug to those that sent me feedback and were so happy to see a new chapter. Also thanks to the new readers and followers out there that signed up with the story. Just when I thought I wouldn't catch the eye of any new readers, I am blown away by the response.

As to the response to the last chapter, you all seemed to enjoy Jasper's POV and you have OH SO MANY theories as to whether or not Esme should have gone home or not and exactly where Victoria, Riley and Laurent are and what they are doing. I will say that some of you are definitely right, but of course I'm not going to say which ones 'cause that would ruin all the fun.

Also, I wanted to state for the record that the issue of Bella's change will come up and WILL be addressed in the story (but not in this chapter).

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><p><em><strong>New Chapter:<strong>_ Bella has a dream and it leads to some interesting developments with Edward. I wrote this chapter with images of the sexy dream Bella had during her honeymoon in _Breaking Dawn _when she wanted to be with Edward again and he was reluctant to oblige her.

*******LEMON WARNING******* Okay maybe it's more of a half lemon, but there is definitely some hanky-panky between our duo in this chapter. Those under 18 and/or sensitive to the more intimate details, turn away now. If it's not your thing, read the first part (the dream) and then skim or skip the last part. Don't say I didn't warn you!

And to those of you who, like me, enjoy reading the lemony, intimate details... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 36<strong>_

**BELLA**

I was walking through the forest, but unlike the other times I'd been here, it wasn't dark, but filled with light and life. There were no boogey men here waiting to ambush and hurt me. Instead, I could hear the sounds of small creatures scurrying through the underbrush, and I even saw the occasional deer trotting through the trees, but they were shy and scampered away when they saw me.

I moved fluidly through the trees and the slanting shafts of sunlight and there was nothing to pin my feet the ground. In fact, it quickly became obvious that I wasn't walking but running through the woods. Running for the pure joy of it, not because I was scared or running _from_ anything, but just to run. And what's more, the running didn't make me tired or out of breath. In fact, the more I ran, the more energized I felt.

Then, in a blur, Edward appeared laughing at my side. Of course, he had no trouble keeping up with me, and together, we continued running through the woods. The feeling of being with him like that, so easy and carefree, made happiness bloom inside me until I thought it would overflow and start oozing out of my pores like drops of light.

Ahead of us, the trees and brush began to thin, and suddenly, we were standing at the edge of a meadow.

_Our_ meadow back in Forks.

Amazed, I walked forward and did a slow turn. It was so beautiful and just as I remembered it. Dappled sun flooded the area, and flowers bloomed all around me, the air heavy with their scent.

As I completed my turn, I caught sight of Edward leaning against a tree at the edge of the meadow, watching me with a soft smile on his face.

I held out my hand to him, and he walked toward me, his gait not unlike that of a lazy cat. My body went on alert at the thought. Stopping a foot from me, he looked down at me, his gaze going from lazy to heated in a flash.

He was so beautiful as he stood shimmering in the sun, and I had a sudden desperate need to touch him. Reaching up to cup his cheek, my hand froze. My skin was shimmering in the sun just like his. Not believing what I was seeing, I turned my hand back and forth in case it was just a trick of sunlight, but sure enough it shimmered just like his face did. Could that mean I'd been changed? Was I now like him?

Before I could do much more than mentally form those questions and stare at my hand in wonder, Edward tugged my upraised hand to his lips and kissed it. The touch of his lips on my skin made me instantly melt, and I leaned into him. Replacing my hand with my lips, I reached up and kissed him for what seemed like an eternity.

Vaguely, I felt our bodies falling, but I was anything but scared as we tumbled down into the blanket of flowers at our feet. My hands slid into the hair at the nape of his neck as I held on to him for dear life and put everything I had into kissing him. The weight of his body was firm and solid above me, pinning me down with a delicious heaviness, and there was no mistaking the hard length of him pressing against the cradle of my hips. The thought that two layers of denim were all that separated our bodies sent a thrill through me. One of his hands slid up my thigh and along my side until it was teasing my breast through the t-shirt I was wearing.

As if a great bank of fog suddenly decided to creep in, everything began to fade away and the harder I tried to remain in that moment, the faster it slipped away from me until I was left to stare at the blackness on backside of my eyelids.

"No..." I murmured in disappointment.

"Bad dream?" Edward's gentle voice was soft in my ear, his breath a cool brush over my skin.

It couldn't have been a dream, could it? But I didn't see any other explanation. It had to have been a dream. The meadow in Forks was on the other side of the country, and I hadn't been changed. Edward didn't want me to be changed.

But it had all felt so real. My lips remained slightly pursed from our kisses, and I could still feel the specter of Edward's lips on mine. I could even feel the residual pressure of his body pressing me down and the languid heat that his kisses and his touch had flooded through me.

"Bella?" Edward said lightly brushing some hair from my face. "Are you awake?"

What I wanted to say was that, yes, unfortunately, I was awake after being ripped away from the best dream I'd ever had. However, I found that I couldn't say anything at all due to the large lump that had risen into my throat.

I considered trying to play it off as if I really was still asleep, but I didn't want to lie to him. Unable to avoid him or the truth any longer, I slowly opened my eyes. I knew immediately that my suspicions were correct. I'd been dreaming, and now I was looking at the morning sunlight and shadow playing on the ceiling of my room at the Cullens' house in New York as Edward held me close.

"Bella?" he tried again, now with a hint of concern since I hadn't answered him.

I opened my mouth to make an attempt to say something, but much to my mortification, I felt hot tears gather in my eyes. I was so disappointed. Why couldn't it have been real? Taking a deep breath to get my emotions under control, I turned my face away from him to swipe at the few stray tears that I hadn't been able to keep from escaping.

That was useless; of course, he'd be able to smell the saltiness of my tears as easily as a normal human would be able to smell bacon frying.

"What is it, Bella?" he said, nothing but gentle care and concern in his tone.

"Nothing," I finally choked out. "It's nothing."

He could have, probably _should_ have, called me on my obvious lie. He knew better than anyone that "nothing" wouldn't have made me cry. But Edward, being Edward, he just gathered me close and rocked me softly as he crooned in my ear.

"You don't need to be scared," he said. I hadn't a nightmare since everyone had left to go to Alaska, but he was always on the lookout for them, and when I did have them, he always worked hard to reassure me that I wasn't alone. "I've got you now. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you."

Pressing my face against his throat, I breathed in his scent, which helped me to calm down and get a little perspective. I reminded myself that even though I was still human, my reality wasn't too shabby. While we hadn't progressed to touches that went under clothing, Edward had made a definite effort to be more physically tactile with me and to allow me to do the same with him. He found that he was more comfortable with him touching me than me touching him. As he explained it to me, my warm hands and mouth on his skin, even over his clothes, were amazing but overwhelming for him. But even that had improved a little each time, which I told him only proved my "practice makes perfect" theory.

After a few minutes, I had myself under control again, and I pulled back slightly so I could look up at him.

"Better?" he asked.

I couldn't help but sniffle slightly. It was that or wipe my nose on my sleeve. "Yes," I said quietly.

He brushed a knuckle lightly over my cheek. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I considered that. Part of me did and part of me didn't. I didn't want to tell him the part about me being a vampire like him in case it upset him, but the rest of it was something I was eager to tell him.

"It probably won't seem so bad if you did," he urged.

"Um, actually it wasn't bad," I admitted figuring I could tell him the edited version. "Just the opposite; it was really wonderful."

He blinked in confusion. "Then why were you crying?"

"Because it was just a dream and I wanted it to be real so badly."

He smiled softly at me, not in a mocking way, but in a way that said he found what I'd said endearing. "If you're willing, I'd still like to hear about it."

I nodded. "It all started with me running through the woods, but not because I was being chased or because I was afraid; just because it was fun. The forest was completely different than it was in my nightmares. It was light instead of dark and really beautiful."

His eyes took on a teasing glint. "You were 'running' through the forest and you didn't trip or fall?"

I would have elbowed him in the stomach if I thought there wasn't a chance I'd injure myself on his hard flesh, but instead, I just rolled my eyes and told him the edited version of my dream. "Well, it was my dream self after all," I teased back. "I could be Superman if I wanted to."

Or, you know, a vampire like him.

He chuckled. "Well, you've got me there. So then what happened?"

I proceeded to tell him about coming upon the meadow and how we walked out into it. Then, with what I was sure was a blush on my cheeks, I told him about the kissing and the touching. As I told him, the amused interest faded from his expression, and by the time I finished, it had been replaced by slack-jawed hunger. And I was 100% sure that the hunger was for me, not for my blood.

"Show me," he said softly, but in a tone that begged me to comply.

I felt myself frown. "Show you what?"

"How we were in your dream," he said huskily. "How I touched you." His eyes went to my lips. "Kissed you."

Oh my.

Suddenly the room felt super-heated and the breath in my chest was heavy with expectation. "We were lying in the flowers and you... um, were... uh..." I began with a slight stammer. I swallowed and tried again. If I wanted to be intimate with him, I needed to be able to talk to him about this. "...you were lying on top of me."

He looked at me like I was a very cool drink and he was a very thirsty man. "I don't want my weight to squash you."

"I'll risk it," I said a bit breathlessly as I tried to continue my resolution to be bold. "If it's like my dream, it will be anything but unpleasant for me."

Part of me was sure he wouldn't do it, but the rest of me was thrilled when he pulled back the sheet covering me. With his eyes still locked on mine, he slowly slid a knee between my thighs and once I parted them enough to accommodate him, he carefully moved over me. In my dream, we had both been wearing jeans, but now, he was wearing jeans, and I was wearing a fairly thin pair of yoga pants over my even thinner underwear. As he settled into the cradle of my body, his expression was intense, and I could tell he was keeping a tight reign on himself as I felt a slight shudder go through him.

"Give me a minute," he said through gritted teeth as he pressed his forehead to my shoulder.

"Take your time," I murmured in what I hoped was encouragement.

Unless he was ready for me to start tearing off his clothes, he wasn't the only one who needed a minute. The feeling of his cool, hard body pressed so intimately against me was powerful, a little overwhelming, and definitely more intense than in my dream. I felt hot and cold, breathy and breathless all at once. My first instinct was to bury my hands in his hair as I had done in my dream and start kissing any part of him I could reach, but I knew that if I wasn't careful, Edward's sense of protection would kick in, and he would be away from me and across the room before I could blink so I remained still.

A few minutes passed with both of us silently processing the position we found ourselves in. Finally, Edward planted an elbow on each side of me and then lifted his head to look down at me. "Now what?" he said huskily.

"I put my hands in your hair like this," I said sliding my fingers into his hair gripping handfuls of it.

Edward's eyes fluttered almost closed and what sounded like a very soft purr emanated from him as I alternated between gripping his hair and lightly scraping my nails over his scalp. I knew the area at the nape of his neck had always been something of an erogenous zone for him. As if the purr wasn't enough of an indication that he liked what I was doing, I also felt his body harden against my core as we continued to lay there, and I felt immediately empowered over the fact that I could affect him so much by doing something so simple.

"And then...?" he said. Now, it was his voice that was breathless, which was some feat given that he didn't actually need to breathe.

"You were, um..." I had to pause to swallow. "...touching my, uh, my breast over my t-shirt."

His darkened eyes went from my face to my breast which was heaving slightly from the anticipation, and then back to my face. "Well, I want to be accurate, don't I?"

Shifting slightly, he looked down again and this time both our eyes followed the path of his hand as it moved to rest first on my waist, then began a slow ascent to my left breast. The anticipation of his touch had me all but holding my breath and my nipples had gathered into tight buds that were clearly visible through the thin cotton of my pajama top. It occurred to me then that in my dream I was probably wearing a bra where now I was not. The feeling of him touching me now was going to undoubtedly be more pronounced.

His fingers traced my side, sliding delicately over my ribs until they brushed against the underside of my breast. Even that soft touch had me doing everything I could to stifle a gasp of pleasure and keep from interrupting the moment. On the other hand, it probably wasn't doing me any good to try and stifle anything as Edward could hear and/or read nearly all of my body's reactions just as if I was hooked up to a bank of monitors.

"Do you like that?" he said as his eyes searched my face.

"Yes," I breathed, but couldn't help adding. "More."

Saying nothing, he nodded thoughtfully and his gaze dropped again to watch with heated fascination as he continued to brush delicately at the swell on the underside of my best. Then he turned his palm so that his hand was cupping my breast as if testing the size or the weight.

"You are beautifully and wonderfully made..." he murmured.

Still cupping my breast, he moved only his thumb until it brushed over the already rigid tip. I couldn't hold back a little cry of delight at the feeling of him teasing my nipple.

"Was I doing it like this?" he said very softly he continued to graze the tip with almost maddeningly lazy touches.

"Yes," I said breathlessly. "Exactly like that."

He watched me and my reactions - the blush in my cheeks, the quickening of my breathing, in fact, I would venture to guess that could probably even smell the increasing dampness between my thighs.

"What happened then in this dream of yours?" he asked.

With his touch turning my brain to mush, it took me a moment to gather my wits enough to answer him. "Uh, well, then I kissed you," I whispered as I waited for some signal from him that he was ready for me to do that.

Almost as if he could read my mind, his quiet answer was simple and succinct. "Yes."

Needing no further encouragement, I tugged his face down as I stretched up and pressed my lips to his, and threw everything I had into kissing him. We'd kissed before, of course, but this was unlike any other kiss we'd shared. Perhaps it was the physical position we were in, or the deeper level of emotional intimacy we were sharing, but whatever it was, the kiss I was sharing with him now transcended anything that had come before it. His hand left my breast and came up to cradle my face tenderly.

Without conscious thought on my part, my body instinctively did it's best to wrap itself around him. My legs moved higher on his hips until they wrapped around his hard waist, and I pulled him in as close to me as I could as we continued to kiss.

But my body needed more feeling and what it was straining for was friction. Being in such close proximity to each other, the cool of his body and the heat of mine started to merge into something in the middle, a perfect blend of both of us. I didn't even realize that my hips had begun to rock until I heard him groan into my mouth. I felt his body respond in kind, his hips moving in counterpoint to mine, and then it was my turn to groan, or not so much groan as whimper and moan, as even through the layers of our clothes the hard length of him rubbed intimately against my soft, sensitive core.

The sounds I was making apparently startled or concerned him because he froze and pulled back to look at me. "Are you all right?"

My breathing was hard and fast now and even though he'd stopped, I couldn't seem to control the continued rocking motion of my own hips. "I was incredible until you stopped," I managed, and I wasn't beyond begging. "Please keep going. If you stop now, I really am going to cry."

The concern melted away from his features, and he gave me just the hint of a little smirk as he stared down at me. Instead of leaning in to kiss me again, he began to thrust his hips just a little bit harder as he continued to watch me.

"Oh, God, yes..." I moaned as my head fell back and my back arched slightly, causing him to press even more intimately against me "... just like that."

Between the almost closed barrier of my eyelids, I saw he was watching me intently as my body began to writhe under him. I couldn't control the writhing any more than I'd been able to control the rocking of my hips or the motion of my legs gripping his waist. The pleasure rising inside me was, well, intense, was the only word I could think of. My body was straining... no, racing for something indefinable but as essential as my next breath or heartbeat; something that I thought I understood but had never experienced first hand. Something that I wanted to experience with Edward... something I knew that I would only _ever_ want to experience with him.

Pulling my hands from his hair, he threaded them with his and pressed them into the mattress on either side of my head as he continued to slowly thrust against me as my breath got faster and my movements more jerky. What happened next was a little difficult to describe. It was as if my body fell in on itself, contracting until it was almost painfully pleasurable and then, suddenly it exploded outward with a force that nearly took my breath away.

Instinctively, I squeezed his hands and heard myself cry out Edward's name as what I assumed was an orgasm consumed me, although what I felt seemed bigger and more encompassing than what could be expressed in that one word. Entire volumes could have been written to describe what I was feeling. It was a good thing that Carlisle was at the hospital and Esme was out shopping, or I'm sure I would have been terribly embarrassed for making so much noise.

As the feeling began to ebb, Edward brushed his nose over my cheek as my body continued to vibrate with aftershocks. "So beautiful," he murmured with adoration thick in his voice. "I had no idea seeing you like that would be so breathtaking."

Breathing hard, I looked up at him and pulled one of my hands free to run my nails lightly through his hair and over his scalp again. "I think it's your turn," I whispered with a smirk of my own as I tightened my legs around his waist.

"It's all right, Bella. I don't need to..."

"Shhhh," I said pressing my finger lightly to his lips. "No one knows about your self-control better than I do, but I need to be able to give to you what you just gave me." I stared at him. "Please? Besides, we're supposed to be practicing, right?"

I saw in his eyes he was considering that, then he nodded. "Yes, you're right."

I smiled at him. "Good, so just close your eyes and feel."

Much to my delight, he did as I asked without further argument and he began to slowly thrust against me again. Grinding my hips against him in response, I sucked in a little breath at how sensitive I was.

The sound caught his attention and he froze and opened his eyes to look at me. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm just a little sensitive... down there."

He frowned. "Bella, if it's going to hurt you..."

"No, no, not sensitive as in painful," I clarified. "Sensitive as in I have a feeling you may not be the only one getting a turn, or in my case, getting another turn."

Continuing to frown a little this time in confusion rather than concern, I could tell when the light bulb went off in his head. Suddenly, his expression changed and he looked very pleased with himself. "Really? A second one?"

I couldn't help but giggle. "I think so, but you're going to have to start moving again to find out."

Obviously, I didn't need to tell him twice, because he closed his eyes, dug his hands into the bedding on each side of me, rested his forehead against mine and started thrusting his hips again. Sliding my hands back into his hair, I used them as leverage to rock my body harder against his.

Now that Edward was focused on his own pleasure rather than mine, it didn't take long until he was the one groaning. Which was a good thing because I didn't think I was going to last very long either, but I still tried to keep my focus on him just as he'd done earlier with me.

"Don't you see how well our bodies fit together, Edward?" It wasn't quite dirty talk, but I figured just the sound of my voice would encourage him, although I didn't think he needed much. Judging from the fact that his strokes were getting longer and harder, I thought he was just about there. "It's so good… so perfect."

His groans became low growls, but I wasn't afraid. In fact, if anything it turned me on even more. His hips started to go faster and I had to bite my lip to keep from gasping at how good it felt. I was determined to let him get there before me.

"Let yourself go, Edward," I whispered. "Show me what you look like when you come."

My words must have pushed him over because his response was immediate. "GOD, Bella!" he growled, his voice low and rumbling with his head thrown back. He thrust once more against me and I knew he was there, so I gave in to my own body's needs, and I cried out with him as the second orgasm washed through me. This one was different than the first; it was deeper and more intense and where the other had left me feeling satisfied but fairly energized, this one left me feeling so languid that I didn't want to move.

Once we both stopped trembling, the only movement we made was when Edward held me close and turned us over so I was resting on top of him. I don't know how long we laid there enjoying the quiet stillness and the aftermath of what I supposed could be called lovemaking after a fashion anyway, but it was a feeling I relished. I'd never felt closer to him.

"How are you feeling?" he said softly.

"Wonderfully lazy and like I could lie in this bed with you for a few more days."

"I like the sound of that," he replied.

I lifted my head and rested my chin in my hands on his chest. "And just think," I finally said. "That was with our clothes still on."

Edward looked down at me and chuckled lazily as he brushed some hair back. "It was pretty incredible." He shifted the lower half of his body and grimaced just a little. "However, I'm definitely going to have to shower and change clothes very soon. I'm a bit ... messy."

"Maybe we could take that shower together," I suggested.

I expected him to laugh off the idea or just turn me down flat. "That could be ... interesting."

"Really?" I asked in surprise.

"Sure." He grinned and sent my earlier words back at me. "After all, we are supposed to be practicing, right?"

I grinned at him like a crazy person. "Absolutely," I said before giving him a little hug and resting my cheek back on his chest.

I was going to get to shower with Edward. Just as he'd said, that would definitely be interesting. However, despite his comment about a shower, neither of us moved for a long time. I didn't mind the delay though; I had the feeling that we both just needed some quiet moments to process the new direction our relationship was taking and to just enjoy being close to each other.

"I love you so much, Edward," I said softly as I toyed with the ends of his hair.

"I love you too," he said tightening his arms around me. "What I feel for you is so much bigger than one simple word, but it's all I have to give you."

I snuggled into him. "Then it's everything I need."

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Next Chapter<strong>_**:** More lemony goodness for Edward and Bella before the bad part starts. I'm guessing that the next chapter will be up shortly after the first of the year.

I hope you all have a very safe and Happy Holiday!


	37. Chapter 37

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who have hung in there with me on _Breakdown_ and to the new readers and followers out there that signed up to follow me and the story. I know I'm terrible at responding to reviews, but the response to this story just blows me away.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 36:<strong>_ Bella had a dream about being with Edward and woke up to find him snuggled up with her. He asked her about the dream and when she told him, he was surprisingly receptive to helping her act it out.

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><p><strong>*****Slightly citrusy warning*****<strong> Okay it's more of a hint of lemon as there is a discussion and thoughts of sex more than actual sex in this chapter but I still wanted to throw that out there for anyone that doesn't like that type of thing. I don't think it's anything offensive though, more PG-13. Be warned though, the next chapter (chapter 38 is 100% lemon).

_**New Chapter:**_ Edward goes hunting and Bella does some thinking as she gets ready for him to return.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 37<strong>_

**EDWARD**

Holding Bella in my arms, I listened to the sound of her soft breathing and the now even beat of her heart. Both were two of the most calming sounds in my existence; not that I needed much calming at the moment, as my body was definitely at peace. Even with our clothes on, what I'd experienced with her a few moments before was mind-boggling.

I'd read thoughts and images of pleasure through the minds of others, of course, but to really experience it for myself was a whole different thing. The feeling of intimacy that being with her like that inspired was something I hadn't expected, at least not to that degree, and I assumed it would only be more intense when there were no clothing barriers between us. The odd, not to mention reassuring thing was, not once did I come close to losing control or doing anything that might hurt her. While I had torn up the sheets and possibly the mattress on either side of her, my focus had been completely on her and her cues.

And what cues they'd been. She was always beautiful to me, but in the moment when pleasure had spiked in her she was... transcendent. I had been able to focus on nothing but her face and her body's response in that moment, and I'd felt nothing short of awe as I watched it go through her.

On the other hand, I had already made a mental note to keep my hands off of her when I was deep in the throes of my own response, so what had happened to the sheets and the mattress didn't happen to her flesh. But otherwise, I thought it went well, and I was beginning to think I might be able to give her what she wanted, and truth be told, what I wanted, too.

I was definitely less worried about being with her than I had been before.

I ran my fingers along her arm. "May I be the first to say that I think your idea to practice was brilliant?"

She laughed lightly. "I'm glad you approve."

"I think 'approve' is a bit of an understatement," I chuckled. "Maybe 'heartily endorse' is more accurate."

We both laughed over that. "So we really can continue?" she asked hopefully. "Maybe take that shower you mentioned?"

Smiling, I kissed the end of her nose. "Oh, yes, I think that would be an excellent plan."

Just then, from outside I heard a car pull up to the house. From the sound of the engine, I was pretty sure it was Esme returning from her shopping. I'd been so wrapped up in the cocoon with Bella, I'd forgotten about the fact that Esme and eventually Carlisle, would be home again in the near future.

Something Carlisle had said in our discussion occurred to me then, as well. He suggested that I hunt as often as possible when I was going to be with Bella, especially the first time in case there was blood. That way my control would be as strong as possible.

I sighed. "Esme's home, and I think Carlisle is due home from the hospital in about an hour."

The expectant expression on her face faded and that told me that she understood what Esme's arrival meant. We'd both be a bit more comfortable doing, whatever we were going to end up doing, if we had the house to ourselves.

"Oh, well, it was a nice thought I guess," Bella said, clearly disappointed.

I thought for a moment, and then an idea came to me, and I gave her a quick kiss. "Don't make a face, love, all is not lost. Carlisle said I should hunt more when I was going to be with you, so it's probably a good idea if I take a quick shower and then go do that. That way, you can have something to eat and get clean up yourself. Before I go, I'll also speak to Esme about her and Carlisle giving us the house to ourselves tonight."

Bella snorted out a laugh. "Well, that will be subtle."

"Actually they haven't gone hunting since Esme got back from Alaska so they probably need it anyway." I traced a finger down her cheek. "And in any case, they're going to know that we've been up to something anyway, love," he pointed out. "The scent we'll leave behind will be a dead giveaway." I frowned. "Unless you've changed your mind."

Her answer was immediate. "No, no, that's not what I meant."

I was surprisingly relieved by her answer and I couldn't help but grin at her. "Well, in that case, how about instead of a shower, we try a nice long, hot bath in Esme's big bath tub tonight and we can see where things go?"

"I love that idea," she said grinning back at me. "And we already know that the tub fits us both with room to spare."

"That we do."

I moved my lips close to her ear and whispered, "Although I can't guarantee how controlled I'll be when I get to see you without any clothes on."

The grin disappeared from her face and with a slight shiver; she moaned slightly, and I could smell her renewed arousal floating up through the material separating us. "I, um... get to see you too, right?" her voice trembled slightly with desire and most likely a touch of nervousness now that I was acknowledging things might be heading in a direction she wanted. "Naked, I mean without you wearing any... uh, clothes?"

I brushed my lips over hers. "That is the traditional way one takes a bath, isn't it? I know the first time we shared that tub I was dressed, but it seems to me that I'd do well to try a bath without clothes this time, especially if I'm sharing it with you."

She looked up at me, her eyes full of promise. "It would only be fair," she whispered.

Unable to help myself, I leaned in and gave her a long, slow kiss, then added, "Just something to think about for tonight."

"Oh, I'll definitely be thinking about it," she murmured as I slid out of bed.

Grinning, I picked up a change of clothes and walked to the bathroom. Stepping into the shower, I let the hot water wash over me, and I couldn't stop the smile on my face. While I took things with Bella very seriously, now that I had given myself over to the idea that I was going to be with her physically in whatever way seemed right for us, I found that I was very excited at the prospect.

I had a feeling it was going to be very short hunting trip.

**BELLA**

Listening to the sound of the shower running, I toyed with my hair, which by now I'm sure resembled a rat's nest, but I didn't particularly care. At the moment, my focus was completely on the naked vampire currently in the shower. I wanted nothing more than to climb out of bed and go and join him.

The only things stopping me were the fact that Esme was home;, Carlisle would be home soon; and that I recognized that I shouldn't distract Edward when he was trying to get ready to leave so he could hunt. I knew letting him hunt was important as it would help ease his lingering concerns about being with me again - especially if things went further than they had before - and if there was the slightest possibility of that, I had no desire to jinx my good fortune now. I was happy to wait until tonight and that promised bath with him.

That actually started me thinking. What should I wear? Obviously, to take a bath I wouldn't wear anything, but should I try to dress up _before_ the bath? I didn't think I had much in the way of alluring sleepwear or lingerie, but then again, with Alice supplying my wardrobe, I could never be sure. I'd have to look through my clothes for something that might work.

I was shaken from my thoughts by the sound of the shower turning off, and a few minute later, Edward emerged from the bathroom wearing simple jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was still wet and looked even more tousled than usual, which made my fingers itch to do nothing more than bury themselves there and never let him go. He caught me blatantly staring, and he smirked slightly as he walked over to the bed. Leaning down, he kissed me long and slow until my limbs felt like melted chocolate and my brain was completely muddled.

Slowly, he stood and looked down at me. "I like seeing you in bed all rumpled and lazy like this," he said with a quiet intensity. "I'll be picturing it when I'm out hunting today."

Wow. Apparently, Edward learned quickly when it came to this seduction thing; then again, he'd had enough examples from the thoughts of those around him. That wasn't to say that I didn't think his words were 100 percent sincere. In any case, what he'd said caused a rush of heat to go to my cheeks and bloom low in my abdomen.

When I didn't answer, he looked bemused. "What's going through that active mind of yours, love?"

I swallowed. "The image of you wet and naked in the shower," I said boldly. I was going to show him that I could hold my own with him in this department. "That's what I'll be picturing while you're gone."

The bemused smile faded from his face, and I could all but see his eyes darken and dilate with desire. I saw something in his jaw twitch, and I suspected that he was trying to hold onto his control. He let out a shaky breath.

"I better go, or I never will."

I wanted to tell him that he didn't need to go, but I knew that it was better that he did, so I held back that comment. "Hurry back to me," I said instead.

He stared at me a bit longer, clearly at war with himself over leaving; then he just nodded and disappeared out the bedroom door. I laid there for a long time, thinking about what we'd done and what we might the night might hold for us. The anticipation of it caused a tingling in the pit of my stomach. I just hoped it would live up to both our expectations ... or more accurately, that being with me would live up to _Edward's_ expectations. Despite the fact that, like me, he'd never been with anyone, he'd had a much longer time to build his expectations, and I didn't want to disappoint him.

Not wanting it to take away from the happiness I'd gotten from the rest of the morning's activities, I shoved that thought aside and climbed out of bed. Walking to the closet, I started to rummage through the clothing Alice had supplied for me.

Right away, I found some nice but still serviceable pajama sets made from silk and satin. Part of me wanted some kind of garter-corset-g-string-thigh-high-stocking ensemble to wow Edward with, but I knew that wasn't me, and I'd likely end up feeling and looking foolish. So I found a comfortable, but nice, looking pair of blue satin pajamas that consisted of a short sleeve top and long pants. The satin would feel nice against my skin and the pajamas were fancy enough that I would look nice in them, and Edward would like them because they were blue and he always liked me in blue.

"It doesn't matter what you wear, you know," came a soft voice from my right.

Surprised, I whipped my head around to see a smiling Esme standing in the doorway of the closet. "Oh, Esme, you startled me."

"I'm sorry, dear. I thought I made enough noise that you would have heard me."

"It's all right. I guess I was distracted and not paying attention," I told her, now that my heart had started again. "What did you say before?"

"I said what you wear doesn't matter to Edward. He loves you, not the package you're wrapped in. Wear what makes you feel good or comfortable, and you'll be fine."

I blinked in surprise. "How did you know?"

She shrugged. "Well, I saw you staring at those pajamas clothes like were the riddle of the Spinx, plus, Edward told me he'd like some alone time with you tonight, so I took a guess."

I blushed a little at what she must be thinking about Edward and I and our 'alone time'.

I felt a little weird talking to her about this, especially since she was as much a mother to Edward as she was to me, but it would be nice to talk to someone about some of my own issues about being with him. Even if Alice and Rose had been here, I would have preferred to talk to Esme about it. I didn't want 'girl talk' as much as a 'mother-daughter' kind of talk. Of course, I'd had the birds and the bees talk with Renee years ago, but that had been theory, and tonight was going to be practice ... no pun intended. I greatly valued Esme's opinion, and she was every inch a mother figure for me, in some ways even more than Renee had been. More often than not during my time with her, Renee had fallen into the 'friend' category more than the 'mother' category, but for this discussion, what I wanted was the guiding, reassuring, possibly comforting hand of a mother.

I stared down at the pajamas. "I just don't want him to be disappointed."

"It's not possible," she said kindly, as she walked into the closet to stand next to me.

I frowned a little as I turned to her. "How can you be so sure?"

She smiled softly. "He loves you, and you're his mate. Individually, either of those things would raise your chances for success to a very high level, but the two of them together, positively ensures it."

I wanted so badly to take her words to heart, but the insecure part of me still wanted to hold onto its doubts. "But I don't know what I'm doing. It's like I'm wishing ... aching for something but not really knowing what it is."

Dropping the blue pajamas, I sighed and turned to the full length mirror that Alice had recently installed in the closet and stared at my reflection. "And look at me, Esme. I'm no beauty queen. I'm still so thin and pale, and I've got all these scars."

Just inside the neck of my shirt, I ran my fingers over the scar on my chest from the central line, then over the scars dotting my arm where I'd cut it when I smashed the bathroom mirror, and finally the ones on my forearm from where I'd been cut by glass the night of my 18th birthday party. I thought it was strange that I had never realized that the scars from both of the latter events were intertwined on the same arm, almost like they were extensions of one another, which I suppose in a way they were. Seeing them like this made me remember just how broken I'd been, and I felt the tears gathering in my eyes.

"I want to be perfect for him, and I'm nothing like that."

"Are you done?" she said, her voice firm but not unkind.

Closing my eyes, I swiped at a tear. "I guess," I mumbled miserably.

"Then open your eyes and look in the mirror, and I will tell you what Edward and the rest of us see," she instructed.

Reluctantly, I opened them, but I looked at her instead of the mirror. "But ..." I started to protest.

Gently, she took a hold of my shoulders and turned me back to the mirror. "No buts, eyes straight ahead on the mirror."

This time, I did as she asked, and with her standing behind and slightly to the side of me, I saw both our reflections looking back at us. "Okay," I said meekly.

"Good, now, I want you to listen carefully to what I going to say."

"All right," I said, not quite knowing what to expect.

"When we look at you, we see so many wonderful things, Bella. We see a lovely young woman that's been through a terrible ordeal and survived. We see someone that is a friend, a daughter, and a sister. Someone with humor, courage and compassion."

I chewed my lip and considered that. While everything she'd said was flattering, and I could even accept that it was true, it had all been about what was on the inside. I supposed it meant that I was going to be one of those people others described as being pretty on the inside. I'd never thought of myself as a vain person, but I guess I wanted more for Edward. I wanted to give him the whole package.

"And that's just on the inside," she said excitedly, as if she'd read my thoughts. "Then there's the outside."

I blinked in surprise, which effectively dried up any tears that had been waiting in the wings. I'd figured she was done. "The outside?"

"Of course, Bella. Now, yes, you may think that you're still a little thin, although I've seen fashion models who were thinner, but you have to remember how thin you were when you got here. And now, you've gained back so much weight, and in no time, you'll be just where you should be. That's something to be proud of. But besides your weight, you have to know how beautiful you are," she said, as if it were more of a foregone conclusion than a question. "I know for a fact that Alice envies your long hair since hers will forever be so short and Rose covets your skin."

"My skin? But I'm so pale."

Esme grinned. "Not as pale as we are. Your skin is more translucent where our skin is just plain white. And you can blush; Rosalie misses that."

"You think so?"

"I do," she said emphatically. "As for me, I like your smile. Your smile lights up a room." I couldn't help but smile at her words, and both our smiles were reflected back at us.

"I guess I do have a nice smile," I agreed smiling timidly.

She grinned. "No, you have a _beautiful_ smile. And then there's you're eyes."

I stared into the mirror. "My eyes? But there's nothing special about them, they're just a plain brown."

"Well, I would beg to disagree and say they're a lovely warm shade of brown., But in any case, any of us would say that they're special. Among us, your eyes are unique. We've all got to share the same color, but yours are different. And I know for a fact that Edward loves your eyes. If he were a poet, I'm sure he would write sonnets about your eyes."

I considered her words. In the back of my mind, something whispered that she was just telling me what I wanted to hear, but in my heart I knew she was being honest. Generally, Esme was the type that would tell you the truth as she knew it in the nicest way possible. On the off chance she was trying to spare your feelings, she would either remain silent, or if forced to say something, she would be polite and as non-specific as possible. But in our discussion, all her points had made sense, and I felt like she had been trying to be nothing but forthright.

Tenderly brushing some hair back off my shoulder, her gaze met mine in the mirror again. "Tell me, Bella, do you find Edward hideous because his skin sparkles or because his eyes are always the same odd golden color?"

My response was immediate. "What? No! Of course not!" I insisted. "Nothing about Edward is hideous. He couldn't be hideous if he rolled around in the mud or was covered with boils."

She nodded, clearly expecting that was going to be my answer. "Then why do you think that a few scars on your body are going to be repulsive to him? If he thinks of them at all, I'm sure he sees them as just part of you and a sign that you survived and came back to him." She paused for a moment. "Answer me this, Bella, if he didn't find you anything less than desirable, then why would he want to be with you? If you were so hideous, why would he arrange to have us leave tonight so you could be alone?"

"I guess you do have a point," I said as things were finally beginning to sink in.

"Bella, while I've been with Carlisle and Edward, we've been around a lot of beautiful women, both vampire and human. Edward could have had just about any of them he wanted. He's got money, looks, talent, and a host of other things going for him. But in all the time I've known him, you're the only one that's ever sparked his interest, and I don't mean because of your blood. It's you. You're the only one he wants, the only one he's EVER wanted."

She chuckled. "I mean, the man writes music for you, he would do anything you asked of him, and he practically worships the ground you walk on." She sobered slightly. "When will it be enough to believe that you already _are_ perfect for him, and that you're absolutely everything he's ever wanted or needed?"

Everything she'd said made perfect sense, and it finally seemed to be getting through my thick skull. Happiness had almost been stolen from me when Edward had left in his misguided attempt to protect me. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that part of him, the part that saw himself a 'monster,' left because he didn't think he was good enough for ME. So we apparently had that in common.

Well, I'd be damned if I would turn around and do the same thing to him.

I squared my shoulders and stood a little taller. "You're right, Esme. You're absolutely right. Why am I making this so hard? I'm letting my doubts keep me from getting what I want. Edward wants me, and I want him. That's all that really matters."

Esme smiled broadly. "Now you're talking."

Reaching over, I picked up the pajamas and held them up in front of me. "I like these and I think he will, too."

"Of course, he will."

I turned to her. "Um, Esme, I want to ask you about something, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable or cross some kind of line."

"I can't imagine what you'd say that would make me feel uncomfortable, and if it does, I promise to tell you, so ask away."

"It's a question about sex."

Esme blinked, but nodded. "Oh, okay, well, I can't guarantee that I'll know the answer, but I'm still not uncomfortable, so go ahead."

I sat down on a little padded bench built into one side of the closet and let out a breath. "This is a little embarrassing to say, but as you may or may not know, I've never been with anyone before, sexually, I mean."

Sitting down beside me, she smiled. "I didn't know that, but I suspected it, and I'm glad. I don't think Edward has been with anyone either, not that he would tell me, and it's wonderful that you can be the first for each other."

I smiled at her and took her hand. "If I have anything to say about it, he'll be my first and only."

"I'm sure Edward feels the same way." She lightly patted my hand. "So what did you want to ask me?"

"Um, well, I had the sex talk with Renee years ago, so I know basically what happens and where everything goes, and that it might hurt a bit for me the first time. And it might sound dumb, but I guess what I want to know is, from one woman to another, if you have any suggestions on how to make things go well?"

She considered that for a moment. "Well, I'm no Dr. Ruth, but if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to always communicate with your partner."

I frowned a little. I half expected her to give me the details of some secret vampire sexual position or something. "That's it? Just communicate?"

She smiled and nodded. "That's it. Just communicate with him. I'm sure Edward is concerned about hurting you, and pleasuring you for that matter, and you've already told me that you want to make things enjoyable for him, as well. To do all that, the two of you need to talk to each other. Tell him when you like something and when you don't. Ask him what he wants and what feels good to him, and absolutely tell him if he is hurting you, aside from the pain of being with someone for the first time that is. Do not suffer in silence. Edward will be angry at himself for hurting you needlessly and angry at you for keeping it from him."

"I hadn't thought about it like that."

"In my opinion, the best kind of intimacy is when you trust your partner and with communication, comes trust. I read somewhere that the biggest part of good sex takes place in the brain. It's about connecting with your partner." Then she leaned in a bit closer and said conspiratorially, "But if you're looking for one specific piece of advice, it's that you should try to touch him as much as possible." She smiled slyly at me. "And I do mean ALL over. Vampires are very sensitive to touch, and I'm sure that Edward is not all that used to being touched under his clothes, so I have a feeling he will find it very ... stimulating, especially given the warmth of your hands."

I blushed, but also found myself laughing. "I'll do that. Thanks for the suggestion." Then I sobered. "I also want to thank you for all you've done for me."

Now it was Esme's turn to look a bit embarrassed. "It was nothing."

But I didn't let her get away with that. "Well, it's something to me. You've been every inch the mother I needed after everything that's happened. The love and acceptance you've shown me helped bring me back, and I want you to know that I appreciate it and will never forget it."

Leaning in, Esme hugged me gently. "Well, I'm glad I could be here for you. And I have to say, no mother could ask for a better daughter than you, honey."

"Thank you," I said, my voice not more than a tight whisper. I felt unbearably touched by her words and I had to keep a reign on the tears that were trying to gather in response.

We sat there hugging for a moment, and Esme was the first to break the silence. "Okay, enough of the mushy stuff," she said tugging me up off the bench. "Let's go get you some breakfast. I have a feeling you're going to need your strength tonight."

I couldn't help but blush at what her words implied. "Esme!" I admonished, but she just laughed in response.

As we were walking through the bedroom, I had a sudden bolt of inspiration. "Um Esme, do you think you or Carlisle could run an errand for me before Edward gets home? There's something I want to get for tonight."

TBC...

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><p>LOL, I know, even my beta said something to the effect of "WHAT? You're going to make us wait for another chapter for the good stuff?!" The good news is that I've already started the next chapter and plan to post it next Saturday.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 38:<strong>_ Edward returns from hunting, he and Bella take that bath he promised, and some interesting things happen...Hope to see you then!


	38. Chapter 38

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ HA! You thought I wasn't going to post this weekend, didn't ya?! Surprise! My beta was crazy busy the last couple of days so she only had time to beta this chaper today. Many thanks to her! I thought about trying to wait until next Saturday to post this but you've all been so patient I thought I would go ahead and still post it.

However, there is good news and bad news. The good news is you get a new chapter and I like the way it came out. The bad news is that there is none of the promised lemony goodness in it. I was writing said lemons but the story was fighting to go in this direction so I went with it. However, the second part of the good news is that I am on track with the lemony goodness in the next chapter and I don't see anything that will stand in its way.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 37:<strong>_ Bella and Edward talked a bit more about talking that bath together and seeing where things go. Then Edward went hunting and Bella and Esme had a long talk that helped to ease some of Bella's concerns about being with Edward.

_**New Chapter:**_ Edward returns from hunting and we find out that both he and Bella have been doing some thinking.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 38<strong>_

**EDWARD**

It was just after dark when I got back to the house feeling full and sated after the hunting trip. Clearly, Carlisle and Esme were watching for me and they met me in the back yard as I emerged from the trees.

They were both trying to keep their thoughts neutral, but I could still pick up snatches of their excitement over my evening with Bella. And if that wasn't embarrassing, then I didn't know what was. However, I tried to take it in stride. Given how much they'd worried about me having a definite lack of 'experience,' having them be excited - or at least interested in me possibly changing that situation - was not unexpected. And their reaction would be nothing compared to the ribbing I would likely get when the rest of the family got back from Alaska.

Even now, Alice was probably doing a little happy dance. I frowned internally at that. Or she could be getting ready to call me and say that I shouldn't explore things with Bella because it would go badly. On the heels of that thought, I half expected the cell phone in my pocket to start ringing but it remained silent as I approached my adoptive parents.

"Good trip?" Esme asked with a smile.

I nodded. "Yes. There was a lot of wildlife when I got deeper into the wilderness; I imagine it will be even better for you two now that night has fallen." I glanced at the house. "Bella inside?"

"Yes. She's had dinner and is in the living room reading," Esme replied then gave me a little grin and mentally added. _"She spent all afternoon in your room and the bathroom prepping for tonight."_

Carlisle had to add his own thoughts to the mix. _"Remember what I said, son. Focus on her and her reactions."_ He patted me on the shoulder. _"And I'm sure you'll do just fine."_

"I'll remember," I said. "Um, there's something else I wanted to mention to you."

Esme frowned a bit in surprise. "What's that, dear?"

"I did some thinking while I was hunting, and I've come to a decision."

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, you and I already talked about it," I told him. "But I'm going to ask Bella to marry me tonight."

Esme clapped her hands in delight and hugged me as Carlisle broke into a grin. "That's wonderful!"

I pulled back to look at them. "Well, I thought about what you said the other day, Carlisle, and how Bella and I can't live our lives in fear over what the other is going to say every time we want to express our opinion or ask for something we want or need. I want to marry Bella and show her my commitment to her and so that's what I'm going to ask for."

My mood darkened slightly, I let out a breath. "I can't, however, guarantee that she will say yes. Given her parent's history and my abandonment of her, it may be a difficult for her to accept. But in any case, I'm going to ask her, and if she has reservations then we can talk about them, and I hope that she'll eventually say yes. And if she says no, well, then at least I'll know where I stand with her on the subject of marriage."

Carlisle nodded. "Sounds like you've got a good handle on the situation."

"I hope Bella sees it that way too."

Esme wasn't grinning as widely as she had been, but she was still smiling. "She will, Edward, you'll see. I have a very good feeling about tonight."

The hope in me wouldn't let me say anything else that was contradictory to her words, and instead, I looked at Carlisle. "I wanted to let you know that I'm going to get my mother's ring from the safe in your office."

"Yes, of course."

"She might want something different and less old fashioned," I hypothesized. "But I thought my mother's ring would be a good place to start."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she loves it, Edward. I think Bella is an old fashioned girl at heart," Esme put in.

I played with the keys in my pocket for a moment. "I wish that I could ask Charlie Swan for his blessing," I added quietly. "But that's not an option."

Carlisle and Esme were both quiet before Carlisle cleared his throat. "Why don't you ask me?"

"You?"

"Yes. I'd like to think of myself as Bella's surrogate father and someone that looks out for her best interests. Since asking her biological father is out, maybe you could ask me. Esme and I couldn't love Bella more if she was our biological daughter."

Well, he did have a slight point. Now that Bella was part of the family, and Carlisle was the head of the family and speaking to Charlie Swan was not an option, asking Carlisle wasn't completely outside the bounds of propriety.

Which of course made me instantly nervous. Carlisle knew just about all my insecurities and failings first hand. Honestly, besides Bella, he was the one that knew me the best. While it was a long shot, what if he said no?

"I um..." was about as far as I got with my first try.

Carlisle looked at me patiently. "Take a deep breath."

I did as he suggested, then let the breath out slowly and tried asking him as if I was asking Chief Swan. "Uh, yes sir, that is, I would very much like to ask Bella for her hand in marriage, and I would like to have your blessing to do so. I promise to provide for her and care for her with all that I am for as long as I exist on this earth."

Esme looked like she would cry if she could and even Carlisle looked touched. "Well, Edward, I appreciate that you asked me, and I believe that you would make good on your promise to provide and care for her so, yes, I give my blessing for you to ask her to marry you." He paused and I was on the verge of thanking him when he added. "However, if you ever do anything to hurt her like you did when you left her in Forks, I promise that I will take her side over yours, as I'm sure the rest of the family will, and we will not let such a thing go unpunished."

Although I had no intention of ever doing anything to Bella like as had when I'd left her in Forks, and a threat from Carlisle shouldn't have bothered me since he was basically a pacifist, I found myself gulping.

"Yes, sir," I said, my voice surprisingly shaky. "And I swear that you will never need to make good on your threat."

"See that I don't," he told me gruffly, then broke into a wide grin and stepped forward to hug me. "Welcome to the family."

I knew he was teasing with the last part, and I laughed as I hugged him back. "Thank you, sir." By the time Carlisle and I let go, he, Esme and I were all laughing. "I always knew you liked Bella better than me."

"Nonsense," Carlisle said, waving me away and taking Esme's hand. "We love all our children equally, don't we, Esme?"

"Whatever you say, darling," she replied innocently.

Carlisle grinned. "Now go on, a certain brown eyed beauty is waiting for you."

"And don't forget the ring," Esme said softly as they started for the trees.

With that, they disappeared, and I looked back to the house. Most of the lights were off but looking through the glass doors at the back of the house, I could see a fire had was burning welcomingly in the fireplace in the living room, and I could make out Bella's silhouette on the couch in front of it.

Deciding to be a bit sneaky, I went around the house, but found no upstairs windows open, and so I came in through the side door of the garage and into the kitchen. Then, using my stealth and my speed, I ran silently through the living room and up the stairs to Carlisle's study without Bella noticing. Moving to a large painting behind his desk, I pulled it soundlessly away from the wall to expose the equally large safe behind it. Quickly dialing the combination, I opened the main door and found the smaller inner box containing all of my human family's more valuable possessions. Each person in my vampire family had a box if they wanted one, sort of a local safety deposit box of sorts.

My box contained a pocket watch from my father, some pieces of jewelry from my mother, and even a small tattered black and white photograph of my parents and I that I believe had been taken about a year before the influenza epidemic struck. I really didn't remember it being taken, but given how much photography had cost been back then, I was sure that my father must have paid a fortune to have it done.

Shortly after my change, Carlisle had taken me by my old home, and with his help, we'd gone through the house. He'd helped me pack two small suitcases with some clothes and anything I thought might be of some kind of intrinsic, monetary, or sentimental value. The contents of this box, along with a few other things I had in my possession were all that was left of my human life.

I stared down at the photo. We looked like a happy family, and I wished that I had more memories of them. I also wondered what they would think of my Bella. I had to hope and believe that they would have loved her as much as Carlisle and Esme did.

Maybe what Bella had said was true, and I was holding on too tightly to things that were past. Maybe it was time I needed to move on and join everyone else in the present.

A present and a future with Bella.

Gently laying the picture back in the box, I removed the small ring box containing my mother's engagement ring and slipped it into my pocket. Then I then closed the larger box, returned it to its place in the safe and set everything to rights.

Before returning to Bella, I considered making a detour to our bedroom for a quick shower or at least a change of clothes, but it occurred to me that the idea of doing so when we were going to take a bath together seemed like a wasted effort. And truth be told, I was anxious to get back downstairs to her.

Moving to one of the windows in Carlisle's study, I opened it and jumped down. Then I came back around to the glass doors outside the living room as if I'd just come from hunting. Stepping silently inside, I stood there and took in the scene.

Bella was indeed reading an e-book on her iPad just as Esme had said she would be. And she was a vision. Her skin was kissed by firelight, satin pajamas in a beautiful shade of blue hugged her slim curves and her hair was piled on top of her head with some loose strands curling down around her face and neck. All I could think of was brushing those curls aside to kiss and lick the skin beneath and then tugging at that mass of hair so it was down and loose, and I could run my hands through it.

Not wanting to startle her, I closed the door with just enough force that she could hear it. At the sound, she looked up with a smile and greeted me.

"Hi. Did you have a good hunt?"

I shrugged and sat down beside her on the couch. "It served its purpose." Leaning in, I kissed her lightly. "I missed you though."

Already a little breathless from my kiss, she smiled. "I missed you too."

"How did you spend your day?"

"Well, Carlisle and I read the paper over breakfast this morning; he didn't eat of course," she clarified. "Then I pretty much just hung around the house until you got home."

"Hmmm, sounds like a pretty boring day," I commented lightly. "So I guess Esme was lying when she said that you spent your day in our room and bathroom getting ready?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Well, I might have done that too. I just wanted to look nice for you."

I ran my lips along her temple and down her cheek. "Bella, I appreciate the effort but you always look nice, more than nice. You always look beautiful no matter what you do or don't do."

Even in the dim light from the fire, I could see the blush bloom in her cheeks. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome," I whispered back.

My mouth trailed across her cheek until our lips met again and this time, the kiss was long and slow. I know my lips had been a little chilled from being outside, but being in close contact with hers warmed them quickly. Her hands slid up into my hair sending little jolts of awareness through my body. Who knew that your scalp could be such an erogenous zone?

Pulling back a few minutes later, I looked down at her. Her eyes were half closed and her lips were already a bit swollen from our kisses. "So beautiful," I murmured as I cupped her cheek. "So are you still interested in taking that bath? I think I may need to have my back scrubbed after I was out hunting all day."

I was surprised when she frowned a little and bit her lip at my comment. A sure sign that she was uneasy or had something on her mind. "Bella? What is it? Did you change your mind?"

She stared down at the iPad in her lap but wasn't actively using it. "There's something I want to talk to you about," she said quietly.

"Of course, Bella, anything." Setting her tablet aside, I placed my finger lightly under her chin and lifted her face to mine. "But my only request is that you look at me when you do."

She nodded and then seemed to gather her courage. "Why did you change your mind about being with me? You know... physically." I tried to think of an answer, but she rushed on before I could say anything. "I mean, today I kept thinking that you, well, were so reluctant before. But, now, it almost seems like you've done a 180 or at least a 90 degree change in your attitude when you said you were willing to 'practice'."

Again, I opened my mouth to comment, but she just kept on talking. "I just want to make sure you want to do this for the right reasons and not just to placate me."

I just couldn't help it. I know I should have kept a better reign on myself, but I just couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up in my throat. From the expression on Bella's face, and the fact that I could see and smell the extra moisture gathering in her eyes, she did not share my amusement. I needed to fix this and fix it now.

I gathered her in my arms and pulled her against me. "Oh, love, please don't cry. I'm sorry I laughed. It's not you I'm laughing at, but this situation. I do want this ... want you." I pressed a kiss to her temple. "I've always wanted you, and I'm not talking about your blood. There have been any number of times that it was all I could do not to just throw you down, tear off any clothing you had on, and have my way with you."

Releasing her, I stood up and paced over to the fireplace. "But the other side of me, call it gentleman, human, mate, whatever, kept that urge in check, as did my worry that if I gave into my passion for you, I would not only be breaking a moral code, but I could be breaking _you,_ as well, because of my strength and my vampire nature."

I dragged a hand through my hair. "Of course, being the only unmated vampire in this family didn't help. Before you, it was a little easier because there was no one I wanted to be with, and so I would just escape the house when things got too ... heated. But after I met you, it got very bad. You have no idea how difficult it was, or more accurately, _is_ to be a mind reader with super senses in this family and not give into my ... urges with you."

I paced away from the fire. "I mean Carlisle and Esme try to tone it down, but from the day Emmett was turned, he and Rose have been all over each other like two dogs in perpetual heat. And then there's Alice and Jasper. Sometimes, all he has to do is look at her, and he starts throwing off sexual urges like beads at a Mardi Gras parade."

I jammed my hands in my pockets and stared out the window. "In the beginning, when I first started coming into your room back in Forks, it was half fascination with watching you sleep and hearing you speak my name when you dreamed, and half trying to get away from the love fest going on at home. Of course, then you became my refuge ... in so many ways." I leaned my forehead against the glass and closed my eyes. "When you knew what I was and still accepted me, for the first time since Carlisle changed me, I didn't feel like a freak or an outsider anymore."

Vaguely, I heard Bella sniff, get up from the couch, and walk over to me. A moment later, her small, warm hand came to rest on my cheek. "Edward ... " she said quietly, her voice full of love and not pity.

I leaned into her touch and turning to face her, I wiped away a stray tear that was marring her cheek. Then I took her hand in mine. "I love that you are trying to look out for me and that you're doing it at the possible expense of your own happiness. But you're right; I do owe you an explanation for why I've changed my mind."

She waited patiently for me to start, and I sighed. "In case you haven't noticed, Bella, I don't make decisions quickly. It's part of my nature, both as a human and a vampire. Unless it's in a crisis situation, I have to mull thing over, weigh the pros and cons, sift through any pertinent data. Being a mind reader helps, too, because I often have even more information than most people would in my place." I paused, a flash of pain going through me, and now I was the one that couldn't meet _her_ eyes. "I don't know if you realize this or not, but my last snap decision had me leaving you, and we both know how well that turned out."

There was nothing but love and forgiveness in Bella's eyes when she spoke. "You're not perfect, Edward. You made a mistake, but it's done and over now. I made one, too, when it was easier for me to believe the lies you told me than the truth. But now we need to find a way to move on from it ... together."

"I want that more than anything," I said kissing her palm lightly. Maybe there was hope for my marriage proposal after all.

I pressed on to answer her question regarding my change in attitude. "Any way, I'll admit that part of me was thrilled when you asked me about trying to take things further and about 'practicing,' because after all, I am a male, I love you, and you're my mate so anything that brings me closer to you is something I want. But once again, it left me mulling over those same moral-versus-amoral and will-I-or-will-I-not-hurt-you-when-things-get-more-intimate arguments. Plus, I also thought that I'd made a mess of so much of our relationship that I wanted to do this part right." I blew out a breath. "Consequently, it took me some time to sift through the facts and analyze my own feelings, as well, as the arguments that you had put forth. I also talked to Carlisle because I value his counsel. I hope you don't mind."

"I don't mind," she said quietly. "I kind of expected it actually."

I nodded. "Eventually, I came to realize that you had made some valid points about some of my thinking being a bit outdated in light of what we mean to each other, and as we have 'practiced' I was able to see that I could control myself and that it very well might be possible to be with you and not damage you." I felt my insides clench a bit. "There's also the fact that for a time when I came back for you and couldn't find you, and I overheard your father say he thought you'd been kidnapped by a monster, I had to face the possibility of a world without you in it. In the face of that, and the fact I've been given another chance to be with you, I want to do anything I can to keep you safe and make you happy. So, while yes, I am doing it because it's something you want, I'm also doing it because it's something I want."

Looking relieved, she smiled at me. "Really?"

I chuckled. "Yes, really. Love, how could you think for one moment that I don't want to be with you physically? We've slept in the same bed, you've felt my body's ... reactions to you."

Now, it was her turn to sigh. "I know, I just wanted to be sure that before we take that step that it's what we _both_ want," she said.

I kissed the tip of her nose. "Well, rest assured, it's what I want." I thought now might be a good time to bring up the topic I wanted to broach. "Now, there's something I want to ask _you_."

"What is it?"

"Please, come sit down," I said leading her over to the couch.

She laughed a little nervously. "Uh, oh, you're having me sit down. It's not something bad, is it?" she asked only half joking.

"No, at least I don't think so." I sat down beside her. "I hope you won't either."

"Okay." Clearly, she didn't have a clue what I was talk to her about.

I took her hand in mine. "When I was talking to Carlisle, he said something to me that made a lot of sense. He told me that you and I should not avoid telling each other what we want or need just because we're afraid of the other person might say."

Bella nodded. "He's right," she said, but it sounded a little cautious, and I wondered what she was thinking. "I think that's something we need to both be better about."

I took her words as my cue to go on. "And you were so brave and forthright to ask me about practicing and being more intimate with me, that I realized I should do the same with you."

There was nothing but trust in her eyes when she took my hand. "Its okay, Edward, you can ask me anything."

"All right, but before I do, I just want you to know that your answer to my question does not affect my decision about tonight. No matter what you say, I will still want to take that bath with you and see where things go. All right?"

Frowning a little, she searched my face for some clue as to where I was going with the discussion, and finally, she nodded. "Yes, I understand."

I inhaled, and then let it out slowly as I slipped one hand into my pocket and brought out the ring box, but didn't show it to her yet. "I've thought about this for a long time, Love, especially since I've been back here and you forgave me for leaving you, and we've been able to start over. There's nothing more that I want than to officially join my life with yours and declare to anyone that will listen that I'm yours forever."

Keeping her hand in mine, I slid to the floor to kneel in front of her and I opened the ring box to expose the ring. She gasped as she realized what I was doing.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love you every day of forever. Will you do me the incredibly great honor of marrying me?"

Bella's heart sped up as if she were sprinting, but other than that, she was silent for what was probably the longest moment in my existence as her eyes went from my face to the ring and back again.

TBC...

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><p>Please don't hurt me! I know, I know. That's a crappy place to leave the story. On the other hand, I know you'll come back to see what Bella says. ;o) A bright spot is that I've already started on the next chapter and am looking forward to finishing it quickly.<p>

[Ducking and running away now] See you soon!


	39. Chapter 39

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ First, I would just like to give a HUGE shout out to my beta Im2xshy. She betaed chapters 39 and 40 in record time! I'm having company this weekend so it was helpful to have this betaed so quickly!

And as always a gigantic thanks to those that are still following this story and those that are still discovering it and adding me and the story to their favorites. I'm an epic fail at responding to reviews but I read and treasure each one.

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><p><em><strong>New Chapter:<strong>_ Well, here we are, the moment of truth. What will be Bella's response to Edward's proposal? And will they ever get the lemons I've been promising? My lemon writing skills were a bit rusty, but I hope you like what I came up with.

*******LEMON WARNING******* Don't say I didn't warn you but in Chapter 39 and 40 we have LOTS of explicit lemons! Those under 18, those who are sensitive to the more intimate details, or those who just don't like that kind of thing, turn away now. If it's not your thing, come back for Chapter 41 which is when things will take a turn. Again, don't say I didn't warn you! However, if, like me, you like the lemons, well then I hope you like what I wrote in this chapter.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 38:<strong>_

Keeping her hand in mine, I slid to the floor to kneel in front of her and I opened the ring box to expose the ring. She gasped as she realized what I was doing.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love you every day of forever. Will you do me the incredibly great honor of marrying me?"

Bella's heart sped up as if she were sprinting, but other than that, she was silent for what was probably the longest moment in my existence as her eyes went from my face to the ring and back again.

_**Chapter 39**_

**BELLA**

My heart was pounding in my chest. Edward wanted to marry me. I had considered this possibility but didn't think he wanted to take that step with me, so I really hadn't seen this coming. And yet, maybe I should have. Given the era he was originally from, I thought it was safe to say marriage would be important to him. I knew he loved me, and I also knew that after what had happened in Forks, he never wanted me to doubt his devotion to me again; this was one way he could show that devotion in a very tangible way.

But how did I feel about marriage?

I'd seen my own parents go through it, been a child of divorce and because of that had experienced a number of times in my life when I'd been against marriage altogether, especially for someone my age. I was now about the same age my mother had been when she'd married Charlie and had me, and under different circumstances, I knew I would likely be against it.

But how did I feel about marriage in relation to Edward?

I felt completely different. I wanted it, welcomed it even. With him as part of the equation, it seemed like the right thing to do. After everything that had happened in the last few months, I knew he would never leave me again. I had no doubt that I loved him, and if he wouldn't change me, then being married to him would be the next best thing. If we were going to be together for the long run, which is what I wanted, it would also be the next logical step in our relationship.

Of course, at some point I knew that there would be an issue with my aging when I looked old enough to not only be Edward's mother or grandmother, but Carlisle's as well, but I couldn't - wouldn't - let it stop me from being happy in the meantime. If I'd learned anything in the past few months, it was that while you could try and plan for the future, you needed to live in the moment and find your happiness with who and what you had and not what might or might not happen in the future. Once, I even might have worried about what others thought, but not now. My opinion and Edward's was all that mattered to me.

And as I looked at my beautiful Edward kneeling at my feet, I was reminded of the fact that he already made happy. All our past issues aside, including the subject of my change, which I figured was still largely off limits, he made me happier than I could ever remember being.

His expression, which had started out earnest and hopeful, had begun to fray just the tiniest bit during my prolonged silence, and I realized he was anxiously waiting for my answer. I gave him the only one I had.

"Yes, Edward, of course I'll marry you."

He blinked at me, and I swear if it hadn't been for his vampire reflexes, he would have toppled over. He looked stunned for a moment then asked. "But don't you have any questions or want to talk about it?"

I smiled, suddenly feeling just a little lighter now that I knew I would belong to Edward as his wife for as long as I lived. I couldn't help but laugh a little. "No, no questions. I know what a proposal means." When he still looked a little dumbstruck, I held out my hand and wiggled my fingers at him. "Would you like to put the ring on me now?"

He finally seemed to shake himself from his surprise and he grinned. "Did you really just say you'd marry me?"

"Why, yes, I believe I did." I couldn't help but tease him. "Unless you've changed your mind already."

"No! Definitely not!" he said hugging me fiercely, and once he released me, he couldn't get that ring on my finger fast enough. "This ring was my mother's, but if you want something different we can get you anything you want."

"Your mothers?" I whispered reverently, and I stared down at it and traced my finger over the delicate rows of small diamonds set into the face. I was immensely touched that he'd given me something so important to him.

"Yes, I thought you might like it, but if you don't, we can get..."

I pressed my finger to his lips to stop his verbal spewing. "I don't want any other ring. I love it." I stared down at it again as it winked in the light from the fire. "And it's doubly special because it belonged to your mother." I looked up at Edward. "If I'm going to marry you, have to promise me one thing though."

"Anything," he said immediately. "Whatever you want, it's yours."

"You will help me stand up to Alice if she gets too overbearing with the wedding planning. If it's okay with you, I would like a very small, intimate wedding here at the house. Just the family and a minister, or maybe one of the family could get ordained and they could marry us. I saw something about how it's really easy to get ordained online. For a lot of websites, all you have to do is pay a fee and sign a paper I think."

Edward grinned at me. "I'm happy with whatever kind of wedding you want to have, and you will have 100% of my support when it comes to fending off my sister."

Smiling softly, he moved to sit beside me on the couch. Then he cradled my face in his hands and leaned his forehead against mine. "Thank you for saying you'll marry me."

The moment and his nearness had me hardly breathing at that point. "Thank you for asking."

And with that, he shifted his head and thoroughly kissed me. And clearly he was in no hurry to stop. Never breaking contact with my lips, he slid his arm around me, pulled me into his lap and gathered me against him. Beneath me, I could feel a certain portion of his anatomy harden, and it sent a thrill through me. As much as it pained me to do it, after a few moments, my need to breathe caused me to be the one to break the embrace. Slumping against him, I drew in quick gasping little breaths as he continued to place gentle kisses along the back of my neck.

"Are you ready for that bath now?" he whispered.

After I managed to get my breathing back to a somewhat normal level, I looked up at him. "Yes."

Settling me more securely in his arms, he stood up, and at a normal human pace, he carried me upstairs bridal style, which was appropriate now that we were engaged. The thought made me smile, and I couldn't help but let out a little giggle.

"And just what are you laughing about?"

"Nothing," I grinned up at him. "I'm just happy."

He paused on the landing of the second floor, and I was surprised to see the raw emotion that was swimming in his eyes. If he'd been able to produce them, I suspected that I would have seen tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head, and I saw him visibly swallow as if he was trying to find his voice. "Nothing," he finally said. "Not a thing. I'm just glad you're happy."

Had I not told him how happy he'd made me simply by coming back to me? Yes, it had taken me a while to process it after everything that had happened, but once I'd figured out that he truly did still love me, being with him made me incredibly happy. I pressed my hands to his face.

"_You_ make me happy. I'm sorry that I haven't told you that sooner. Thank you for coming back to me."

He studied me for a moment. "I'm just sorry it took so long and that you had to suffer so much."

"We both suffered," I told him quietly. "Maybe your wounds were not as visible as mine but even when I was wrapped up in my own pain, I could see yours. What matters now is that we're both healing."

Leaning in, he kissed me lightly, then started walking toward Esme and Carlisle's room which was on the second floor. "Have I ever told you that you're very wise?"

I grinned at him. "No, I don't believe you have."

"Well, I intend to do so on a regular basis from now on, love, because you are." He paused in the middle of their bedroom. "Oh, I forgot to ask you if you needed anything from our room or not."

"No," I told him as I felt a blush rise in my cheeks. "I think I have everything I need, but I do have a request."

"What's that?"

"Could you put me down and give me like five minutes in the bathroom? I have a little surprise I want to set up."

He smiled at me. "A surprise, huh? Aren't you the one who hates surprises?"

"I hate _being_ surprised," I clarified. "Now, _giving_ a surprise is an entirely different matter."

"Ah, so it is a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do-situation. I see," he said teasingly as he set me on my feet. "All right, Miss Swan, you may set up your surprise under one condition."

"What's the condition?"

The gold in his eyes began to deepen. "You have to promise not to undress without me. I want that honor."

His words sent a bolt of heat directly to my core. I felt my nipples harden at the thought of his gaze on them, and I had to work hard to even form any words. "Oh ... um I ... " I had to take a breath before I could coherently speak again. "I promise to wait to do that ... if you let me do the same for you."

My words seemed to affect him just as his had affected me because he was breathing a little fast, and since he didn't actually need to breathe, my guess was it was in response to what I'd said.

"Deal," he whispered. "Now what do you want me to do while you get your surprise ready?"

"Just stand right here, it will only take me a minute or two."

He laughed. "Okay, I'll wait right here."

I nodded, and hurried into the bathroom, being sure to close the door behind me. I'm not sure why I was trying to be so secretive since he'd probably be able to smell what I was doing, but was going to do it anyway. With his advanced senses and mind reading abilities, Edward wasn't surprised very often. With me, he at least couldn't draw on his mind reading abilities, so I was going to give it a try.

Turning on the water in the tub, I plugged the drain and let the tub fill while I got out a number of towels and then moved around the bathroom to take care of the other items I had arranged. I thought about trying to add something to the water, but with Edward's heightened senses, I wasn't sure if it would annoy rather than arouse him. I knew that most perfumes but those in my shampoo and my soap were usually off putting to him.

Since I'd been using Esme's tub on a regular basis, I already had a small stash of toiletries stored in there, so I set those on back edge of the tub in case they were needed. When the tub was about two-thirds of the way full, I switched off the water and did a full circle to survey my handiwork. I liked it. It would look even better with the lights off.

The importance of the moment - and what might happen that night - washed over me, and I shivered a little with anticipation. Although I would never tell Alice, I was really glad that I had spent the afternoon primping. I'd washed my hair, given myself a manicure and a pedicure and shaved anything that needed to be shaved, well, except for my more intimate area, as I figured that me getting near that area with a razor, especially when I'd never done it before, would be a recipe for disaster.

I was as ready as I was going to be.

"Just remember to breathe," I told myself as I took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, Bella, you can do this. Go get him."

I didn't dwell on the fact that Edward probably heard me say all that, and I went to the door. Switching off the bathroom light, I opened the door to find him standing right where I'd left him, except I noticed he'd removed his shoes and socks. My feet were already bare, so I didn't need to worry about that. I stood aside for him. "All right, you can come in now."

Edward did as I asked and walked into the center of the large bathroom where he did a slow circle to take in what I'd done. "It's beautiful, Bella."

Closing the door again, I smiled at his words and looked at the white candles that were covering most of the available space in the bathroom, including large sections of the tile floor. Esme had to go to five different stores to find enough candles for me, but she'd come through in spades. They were in all shapes and sizes, some were scented with vanilla and some with gardenia, although Esme said she tried to get as many unscented ones as she could. Personally, I found the scent they were making as mildly floral and not overpowering. There were fat pillars, small votives, tall tapers, and everything in between. The only similarity being that they were white and were all burning at the same time, turning the darkened bathroom into a warm, candlelit fantasy.

"I know it's probably a little girly with all the candles," I told him. "But hey, at least I didn't throw rose petals in the water or anything." I laughed a little nervously when he didn't say anything. "I just wanted it to be a little special since this is a first for both of us. I can turn the lights on and blow them out if..."

"Don't change a thing," he said suddenly turning to me. "It's perfect." He cupped my face. "You're perfect." Then he kissed me and my knees just about melted as I sagged against him. His body was hard and cool and even over the smell of the candles, I was enveloped the scent of him. Almost with a will of their own, my arms went around his neck, and at that moment, I thought I would have tried to climb inside him if I physically could have.

Finally, Edward broke the kiss. "Thank you for going to so much trouble."

"No ... trouble," I said breathlessly. "I liked doing it."

My breath was coming in deep, heaving pants after having been deprived of air while we'd been kissing and I saw Edward's eyes move down to my chest to watch. I hadn't worn a bra under the pajama top, a fact which I'm sure was obvious to him and both my nipples were raised peaks slightly tenting out the fabric. His eyes flicked up to mine briefly with a playful glint then he looked down again. Slowly raising his hand, he cupped my breast over the silk of the material and then brushed just his thumb over the tip. Beneath the fabric, my nipple pebbled even harder under his cool flesh, and I gasped at the pleasure that shot from there to between my thighs at his touch.

"Do you also like it when I touch you like that, love?"

I remembered Esme's words about always telling him what I like, didn't like, and what I wanted. "Yes," I said, my voice sounding breathy. "But I'm almost certain I'd like it even better without the shirt in the way."

"Well, I guess if we want that bath we won't need these clothes anyway, so it will be killing two birds with one stone." He grinned. "And I'm all about efficiency."

Reaching out, his eyes locked on mine as his nimble fingers undid the each of the buttons on the front of my pajama top. While he could have done it with almost blinding speed, he instead did it with incredible slowness, and I hoped that was an indication of things to come.

Once he had all the buttons undone, he ran his finger down over the sliver of skin that was exposed between the two sides of the shirt. "So soft," he murmured. Then his fingers moved to slowly part the material, and even though it wasn't particularly cool in the bathroom, goose bumps rose as I felt the air move over my skin as it was slowly uncovered.

Gently, his fingers skimmed under each side of the shirt and slid it over my skin. The satin fabric was almost a caress as it moved over my shoulders and slid down and off my arms. He caught the shirt and carefully set it aside out of the reach of the candle flames. Without thinking, I crossed my arms over my chest and made him frown.

He laid his hands gently on my upper arms. "No love, I want to see you. You're so beautiful; please don't hide yourself from me." His hands slid down over my elbows and around to my wrists, which he gently tugged away from my body. Then he took my hands in his and held my arms out wide.

I watched his face as his gaze swept down over my torso, and I could see that I there had been no need to worry about his reaction to my scars because I saw nothing but heat in his gaze. Heat, and admiration, and longing.

"So lovely," he said releasing my hands.

Somehow I found my voice, even if it was just a whisper. "I want to see you, too."

My hands went to the hem of his t-shirt, and I waited for some sign from him that I could proceed. With his eyes boring in to mine, I didn't have to wait long for him to raise his hands over his head. Sliding my hands up along his sides, I was able to tug his shirt off, and I laid it over with my pajama top.

Turning back to him, he stood with his hands down at his sides, although I had the feeling that he wasn't any more comfortable without his shirt off than I was. Oddly enough, that eased my mind a bit about being so exposed to him. We were in this together and were experiencing many of the same things for the first time, which I took as comforting.

However, due to the control that he said was always tenuous when I was around, I asked him before I reached out to him. "Can I touch you?"

His eyes had focused back on my breasts, and if I hadn't been so flattered, I would have almost teased him about my face being a few inches north of where he was staring.

However, when I asked about touching him, his eyes came back up to meet mine. "Please," he said in almost a plea.

Lifting my hands, I slowly began to trace the contours of his torso. At the first touch of my fingers on his skin, I felt him shiver.

"Are you all right?" I whispered, hoping I hadn't already pushed him too far just by touching him.

He nodded, but didn't say anything, and I took it as encouragement to continue. My fingers brushed over his collar bones, his shoulders, down his arms to feel his biceps, back up to his pectoral muscles, and the smattering of hair on his chest; then down over his stomach and finally to the happy trail on his washboard abs that eventually disappeared into the waistband of the jeans he had on. From the way the front of his jeans were slightly tented out, I knew my touch was definitely having an effect on him. When my fingers moved to dip under the edge of the waistband, he caught my hand.

"I think we'd better wait on that or I really may not be able to control myself," he said. "Besides I think it's my turn to remove another piece of your clothing."

The anticipation in his words had my heart beating fast again, and I tried to smile away my nervousness. "I think that would be a good idea if we ever want to actually get in the bathtub before the water gets cold."

"Excellent point. May I?" he asked indicating my pajama bottoms.

I nodded mutely, and he gently grasped the waistband and slid the garment slowly down my hips. He moaned a little when he saw I wasn't wearing anything underneath. He knelt beside me as he slid them the rest of the way down and his mouth followed the same path; caressing first my hip, then my thigh and then finally my calf. It was all I could do to remain standing when he did it because my bones all wanted to liquefy in to one large puddle.

"I, um, I figured that, well, tonight underwear would be a little excessive," I explained nervously as he slid the pants off my feet and looked up at me. Rather than responding to my comment, he nudged me into widening my stance a bit, then he brushed his nose against the curls at my center and inhaled. I nearly had an orgasm just from that.

"So luscious," he murmured. "My new favorite scent." Then, like a bolt of lightning going through me, I did have an orgasm and nearly bit through my lip when he leaned in and ran his cool tongue between my folds. "And my new favorite flavor."

My breath was coming in pants, my whole body was humming with little aftershocks and it took me a minute before I could even begin to formulate any kind of response. I was pretty sure that if Edward wasn't physically holding me up, I would have sunk to the floor.

"Geez, Edward ... give a girl a little ... warning."

He smirked up at me. "Now where's the fun in that?"

Taking another long, inhale of ... well, me, he stood and set aside my pants. When he turned back to me, the lust in his eyes was unmistakable as he scanned me from head to toe and back again. I fidgeted a little at being so exposed to him, but I managed to keep myself from trying to cover up again.

Saying nothing, Edward pulled me tight against him and crushed his mouth to mine. Well, crushed in the figurative sense anyway. With his body still partially clothed and mine completely naked, the moment was incredibly erotic, especially when I could taste myself on him, and I fervently kissed him back.

When I finally had to surface for air, I blurted, "One of us is wearing too many clothes."

He looked down at me, the desire in his eyes even more pronounced now than it had been before. "Then take these off me," he instructed in a low, rough voice.

I swallowed. This was the moment of truth. I was going to get to see Edward ... ALL of Edward. "All right," I said trying to be bolder than I really felt.

Reaching out, I grasped the fabric just inside his waist band that held the button at the top of the zipper, but before I could actually slip it through the button hole, I felt the hard tip of him brush against my fingers. I wasn't sure which of us let out a more strangled groan. I groaned because it occurred to me that if I was feeling him already, he must be very ... large or at least long; I assumed he groaned because I was touching a very sensitive spot for him.

I could see his throat working, and I suspected it was taking him a moment to find his voice. "Please be careful how you touch me, Bella, or we're definitely not going to make it into the bath."

For a moment, I considered telling him to hell with the bath, but then I thought it might be better if we kind of eased into things, and the bath would be more 'practice' to help us get used to each other in this new state, so I tried to behave.

I did, however, decide I could give as good as I'd gotten from him. So after carefully lowering the zipper and spreading open the front halves of his jeans, I knelt beside him and as I tugged his jeans down his legs I let my lips brush along his hip, down his thigh, and over his calf just as he'd done to me.

I smiled slyly as he stepped out of his jeans, but rather than just getting up, I had a better idea. Feeling wicked, I once again decided to follow his earlier lead, and I stretched up on my knees. Placing my mouth close to his hardened flesh without touching him, I blew a long, hot breath over his length as I stared up at him.

So much for behaving.

"You're playing with fire, love," he ground out with something like a growl. One of his hands reached out to grip the counter, and I swear I heard the marble under his fingers crack under the pressure of his grip.

"I believe that's the point," I said with a grin.

My eyes drifted down the length of his body from his face to his groin. I had never thought much about the male anatomy, and I had certainly never thought that it could be beautiful, but this was Edward we were talking about, and I thought everything about him was beautiful. Even though I had nothing to compare him to, he definitely seemed large and well endowed. The idea made the flesh between my thighs tingle and moisten with renewed vigor. He was a perfectly sculpted Adonis, and even though I had no idea what I was doing or if he would like it, I wanted to do nothing but touch and taste him.

If Edward hadn't been in such a dazed state from me breathing on his skin and looking at him like he was a bowl of cream and I was a hungry cat, I'm sure he would have tried to stop me, but before he had a chance to over think it, I reached up and cupped his hardened flesh in the palm of one hand. Then leaning forward, I pressed a gentle kiss to the base of his shaft and then trailed my lips up this length to press another kiss to the tip.

"God, Bella, you really shouldn't have done that," he said with another growl.

Did that mean he hadn't liked it? A flash of hurt and embarrassment went through me, here we were just barely undressed, and I was already making a mess of things.

"I'm sorry if I did it wrong," I said feeling rejected and hating the tears that I felt prickling in my eyes as I turned my face away. I couldn't even do this right.

I heard him let out quick, hard breath, his hand slid beneath my chin, and he gently pulled my face up so I had to look at him. "Why do you always assume the worst?" he growled. "I didn't mean you did it wrong. How could you have seen my reaction and still thought you'd done it wrong? All I meant was that you shouldn't have done that because if I wasn't insatiable for your touch before, I am now."

Surprised by his comments, I sat back on my heels and looked up at him innocently. "You mean you liked what I did?"

Something between a growl and a chuckle came out of him as he held out his hand to me. "Yes, my little vixen, you have no idea I liked it."

I allowed him to pull me to my feet, and he kissed me hard, his tongue invading my mouth, and it thrilled - not to mention empowered - me, to know that I could make him have this kind of response. When he let me breathe again, I set the jeans aside, and we faced each other again. Now that we were both naked, there was more touching, and we both did a lot of admiring.

"And you think _I'm_ beautiful," I murmured, as I ran a hand over his chest. "You put me to shame."

"You know, most men would find it a blow to their ego to be called 'beautiful'," he teased as his hands ran over my back and down to my butt.

I smirked at him. "Are you one of those men?"

He smiled. "Not when you're the one saying it, I'm not. Just don't call me that in front of Emmett, or I'll never live it down." His expression sobered and cupped my cheek. "But you _are_ beautiful. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

I blushed. "Be serious, Edward."

He still held my face in his hands, so I was forced to look at him when I might have looked away. "I am being serious. You are beautiful. I would never joke about something like that." His thumb stroked across my cheek. "You need to work on seeing yourself more clearly."

I didn't know what to say to that, and I worked to swallow around the rather large lump in my throat. "I'm trying," I finally managed. "Now, how about that bath?"

He looked a little disappointed at my attempts to deflect his compliment, but he nodded. "I think that would be perfect, I need a moment to calm down."

Trying to put a little extra sway in my hips, while avoiding my habit of tripping over my own feet, I walked to the bathtub. "Maybe I don't want you to calm down."

"Behave, or I'll have to turn you over my knee for a good spanking," he said as he lightly swatted me on the butt as he followed behind me.

Even though the slap had been light and gentle, the sound and the feeling of it coupled with his playful threat sent a hard stab of arousal through me. I'd never considered that kind of thing to be something I would like, but then again, with Edward, everything he did seemed to turn me on.

Suddenly, his body was pressed up against the back of mine, and he pressed his nose into my neck and inhaled. "Hmmm, I can smell your arousal, love. I guess someone likes the idea of a spanking."

"Maybe," I said, my voice not at all steady.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said in a low, rough voice.

I was all but vibrating with desire as I stepped into the water which had cooled considerably since I'd filled it, but was still warm enough to be comfortable. To give us each that moment to calm, I settled myself at one end and Edward settled himself at the other so we could face each other and our legs were comfortably tangled together. Reaching over, I turned on the jets and the recirculating heat pump so the water wouldn't get any cooler.

Under the water, I ran my hand over his foot, ankle and calf where they were resting beside my leg. I marveled slightly at the fact that because of the water, his skin was as warm as I'd ever felt it. Edward didn't comment on my actions, but his eyes were intense as he watched me across the tub. However, in response to my touching, I felt his hands locate my foot under the water, and he began to give me a world class foot massage that left me feeling boneless.

"That feels nice," I murmured.

He paused to continue his ministrations, then said. "Do you remember the day you took your first bath in this tub?"

"Yes," I replied with a grin. "And, as usual, I all but fell in, and you rushed in and saw me wearing the same thing I am now."

"And what a lovely view it was," he said with a smirk and then his expression softened as he remembered. "You don't know this, but seeing you naked, or at least partially naked and your beautiful breasts on display like they were had a powerful effect on me. I wanted to take you right then."

"You told me I looked tempting, but back then, I was still having trouble believing you. I thought you turned away because you couldn't stand to look at me."

"Nothing could have been further from the truth, love. I turned away because I was embarrassed that I couldn't control certain portions of my anatomy, and because I was afraid that seeing just how much you affected me might upset you."

"It wouldn't have upset me," I replied. "I told you before that I like that I can affect you like that. It tells me that you really want me."

"I will always want you." His thumb rubbed lightly over my arch. "That's something you never have to doubt."

"I'm trying," I said honestly. Setting my elbow on the lip of the tub, I sighed and rested my cheek on my fist. "I guess I really do need to work on seeing myself clearly, or at least seeing myself the way you see me."

"We've got time to work on it."

Lost in our own thoughts, we were both quiet for a long time before Edward finally broke the silence. "What I wouldn't give to know what's going on in that mind of yours right now."

"You don't have to wonder, I'll tell you," I replied. "I was just thinking that part of me wants to say that I wish you had acted on those feelings back then, but you know, I don't think we were ready then ... or at least I wasn't anyway." Something deep in my belly began to tingle as I looked at him across the water, the air between us grew heated, and it had nothing do to with the warm water swirling around us. "But I am now."

He nodded. "I think we _both_ are now."

Without another word, I slowly and very deliberately tugged my foot from his hands and carefully moved across to his side of the tub. When I got close enough, he gently pulled me to him and settled me in his lap so I was straddling his thighs. His body was warm from the bath and it was interesting to have us be so much closer in temperature. He was also still hard, and it made me shiver a little to feel him pressing against my belly.

"Hold still, love," he pleaded when I squirmed a little. "I don't want our first time together to be in the bathtub, and that may just be what happens if you don't stop moving."

He had a point. While bathtub sex might be an interesting adventure for the future, I had envisioned something more traditional for our first time ... like being in a bed.

I gave him what I hoped was a coquettish look. "And just when do you think that first time might be?"

He chuckled. "Well, my little vixen, I guess we can try as soon as we get out of this tub, if you'd like."

I grinned and had to suppress the urge to do a little victory dance, well, as much as I could straddling him in the tub. "I would definitely like."

Sobering, he pressed his forehead to mine. "But Bella, remember, the operative work is _try_. I'll try. That's all I can promise. If I feel like I'm losing control, I'm going to stop."

Forcing myself to calm down and take this moment and what we were about to do with all seriousness, I nodded. "I understand." I cupped his face in my hands. "But, Edward, I trust you. I know you can do it."

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths, presumably to calm and center himself. "All right, but there is more thing I think we can do that might help things."

"What's that?"I asked, willing to give him anything at that point.

"We should have a safe word."

I hadn't been expecting that. "A safe word? What do you mean?"

"Look, neither of us have a lot of experience with knowing the difference when a moan or a groan or some other sound is one of pleasure or one of pain or distress. But, I thought if we had a word you could use if I'm doing something wrong or that I could use if things are becoming too much, it might give us both a little piece of mind that we're doing right by each other."

I considered his idea. "Actually, that's really kind of brilliant," I agreed. "What word should we use?"

"Well, it should be something we wouldn't normally say," he began.

Before he could say anything more, I had the answer. "Meadow," I blurted.

He blinked at me. "Why?"

I shrugged. "Because the meadow back in Forks was always such a special and safe place for us," I explained, as I rested my head on his chest. "But if you want to use something else then ... "

"No," he said, running his hands over my back almost soothingly, and he kissed my temple. "It's perfect. So if one of us says 'meadow,' the other will know that something's wrong and stop."

"Right," I agreed.

Part of me wanted to say, 'great now that we have that settled' and hop right out the tub and run up to our room so we could get things started, but I also recognized that just being with him like this was a gift, and I shouldn't devalue it. So I decided to let him set the pace, and I just cuddled up against him and tried to let myself live in the moment.

"Can I let your hair down, Bella?" he asked quietly after a few moments. "I prefer it down."

"Yes, of course. Would you like me to do it?"

"No, please, let me."

Silently, his hands slid to my hair and began undoing it from the slightly messy bun I had put it in after I'd curled it. When it was down and loose, he inhaled deeply, then he gently and methodically ran his hands through it, slowly massaging my scalp. As with the foot massage, he had me feeling relaxed and about as substantial as a wet piece of paper.

His lips brushed over my ear. "Are you ready to get out?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Let me get the towels from the counter so you don't get chilled."

Without another word, he carefully set me aside and climbed out of the tub. My mouth fell open, and I could only gap at how amazing he looked. I fervently hoped I didn't have drool running down my chin. Glittering in the candlelight, water beaded on Edward's skin to drip in sensuous trails down his body, and I was suddenly very thirsty and desperately wanted to quench that thirst by licking the water off of him. He cut off some of the view when he wrapped a towel around his waist, and I found myself being very jealous of the towel that barely concealed the erection he still sported.

I wanted to be the thing that was wrapped around him.

It was all I could do to keep breathing when he came over to me with a towel and held out his hand to help me out of the tub. Once I was standing safely on the bath mat, he wrapped me in a towel and started to slowly, almost sensuously dry me off. When most of the water was gone, he left me to secure the towel around myself as he moved to put the bathroom to rights. He opened the stopper on the tub to empty out the water, blew out most of the candles until only the ones by the door were left to light the way out and then opened the bathroom door.

"Would you wait here a moment?" he asked. I just nodded, and he moved around the bathroom in a blur gathering up the larger candles, disappearing out the door and leaving me to stand there staring expectantly into the glow of the remaining candles. He repeated the collection process twice more until at least half the candles were gone. I had an idea what he was doing with them, and it left me nearly breathless with anticipation.

The third time he returned, he blew the last of the candles out and plunged the room into darkness. Before I could say anything, he'd scooped me up bridal style, and using his super speed, he carried me out of Carlisle and Esme's bedroom and upstairs to our room on the third floor. He stopped in the middle of the room and set me back on my feet.

"I figured it couldn't hurt to reuse the candles," he said, closing the bedroom door and walking back to me as I did a slow circle.

Just before everyone had left for Alaska, Esme had made good on her promise to help me redecorate my room, turning it into 'our' room; meaning Edward's and mine. Gone was the hospital bed and the sterile feel that had existed over the past months, and in it's place was a room decorated in shades of blue and green with actual bedroom furniture and a large king sized bed. I had originally said I didn't need such a big bed, but on that one point, Esme had deferred to Alice, who had insisted that a king sized bed would be better. There was also now a large stereo system along with the television set on the far wall and a number of Edward's things were spread around the room to mix with the few I'd amassed since I'd been here.

As I suspected, Edward had taken the candles from the bathroom and placed them throughout our room, casting the bedroom - and the bed in particular - with the same soft glow that had existed in the bathroom. In addition to the candlelight, Debussy was playing softly from the stereo. He'd also turned the bed down and closed the drapes on the wide windows giving the room a sensual cocoon-like feeling. It was almost dream-like in its perfection.

I turned back to face him. "It's wonderful."

His eyes were soft as he stared at me and cupped my face in his hands. "I love you, Bella."

My breath came out in a slightly shaky sigh. "I love you, too, Edward."

With my words, his mouth descended and enveloped mine in a soul-shattering kiss. The hot-breathless feeling that I'd had before with him rolled through me again. Putting my arms up around his neck, I buried my hands in his hair and tugged, which made him moan, and I held on as he ravished my mouth.

Focused on his kiss, I vaguely registered that his hands had moved over my towel from my waist to my hips and down to the where it ended and my skin began. Then, when his hands moved beyond the material to palm both globes of my butt, and I realized just how close he was to the promised land, his hands came to the forefront of my attention, and I squeaked into his mouth but didn't break off the kiss.

Luckily, our kisses had become just frantic enough that I could drag in enough air to keep going and as we continued, his hands released my behind, and they moved between us where my breasts were still covered by the towel. He palmed each of them, causing a rush of heat and moisture to go straight to my core.

I decided that he shouldn't be the only one that got to do some exploring and releasing some of his hair, I dragged one of my hands slowly down his chest to points south until my fingers hit the terrycloth covering his hips. Sliding my hands even further down, I cupped his erection and then rubbed him through the material. Something between a growl and a purr came out of him, and I felt him grow impossibly harder in my hand.

"Naughty, naughty," he growled between kisses.

To my delight, his very busy hands went to where I had the towel tucked together and with a tug, he had it dropping away. I probably should have been chilled by the air running over my bare skin, but the room felt hot to me and his skin, now cool after our bath, was the only thing that could help. Then his blinding fast hands were all over me, and it was like being wrapped in a blanket of sensation.

However, that gentle blanket of sensation suddenly evaporated, and I was hit with what felt like a live electrical current when his fingers slipped through my wetness to land on the bundle of nerves between my legs that had been aching, almost pleading to be touched. I finally had to break the kiss as I cried out in pleasure, and before I could even process what was happening, the stroke of his fingers over my slick flesh had me tumbling into a shattering orgasm.

With aftershocks still fluttering through me and my breathing in tatters, his fingers began to slow on my flesh and I wondered if I'd ever be able to breath normally again. All I could do was slump against Edward and drop my head on his chest, which I vaguely noticed was also heaving even though he didn't need to breathe, which was a testament to how affected he was.

"God, Edward," I whispered.

Chuckling, he ran a gentle hand through my hair. "Oh, love, we've only just begun."

As punch drunk as I was on him, I couldn't help but giggle a little. "Promises, promises."

With that, his hands moved back to my butt, then to the back of my thighs, and he lifted me, wrapping my legs around his waist, and he slowly carried me to the bed. The gentle motion of his steps rocked my still sensitive center into his cloth covered erection, and unbelievably, I felt my body begin to heat again and a new round of tingling started to build. Part of me wondered just how many times my body could orgasm before I just passed out from it.

I had a feeling I was going to get to find out.

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ I know, I know, you all want to throw things at me, but at least you got an answer to Edward's proposal and and you got a good start on some lemony goodness. In the movies and the books it kind of annoyed me that Edward had to all but beg Bella to marry him and even then she didn't seem very happy about it until they actually got married. So, I figured with all the Bella had been through in this universe, she would have been much more open and excited about the idea.

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><p><em><strong>Next in Chapter 40:<strong>_ More lemons and an update on what's going on with Victoria and Riley.


	40. Chapter 40

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who is reading this story and a double thanks to those that have sent feedback.

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><p><em><strong>New Chapter:<strong>_ Except for a small part at the end about Victoria this chapter is a gigantic lemon! I could have made their first time romantic with hearts and flowers and angels sighing while the heavens sang hallelujah, but well, I didn't think that was very realistic so I wrote it the way I thought it might have actually happened (you know, if these _**fictional**_ characters were actually real).

*******LEMON WARNING******* My warning is even stronger for Chapter 40. Except for a small part at the end that has us catching up with Victoria, it's pretty much one BIG explicit lemon! Those under 18, those who are sensitive to the more intimate details, or those who just don't like that kind of thing, turn away now. If it's not your thing, come back for Chapter 41 which is when things will take a turn. Again, don't say I didn't warn you!

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 39:<strong>_

Chuckling, he ran a gentle hand through my hair. "Oh, love, we've only just begun."

As punch drunk as I was on him, I couldn't help but giggle a little. "Promises, promises."

With that, his hands moved back to my butt, then to the back of my thighs, and he lifted me, wrapping my legs around his waist, and he slowly carried me to the bed. The gentle motion of his steps rocked my still sensitive center into his cloth covered erection, and unbelievably, I felt my body begin to heat again and a new round of tingling started to build. Part of me wondered just how many times my body could orgasm before I just passed out from it.

I had a feeling I was going to get to find out.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 40<strong>_

**BELLA**

Edward stopped beside the bed and kneeling on the edge of it, he gently disentangled my legs and arms from around him and settled me in the center of the huge bed.

Between the orgasm I'd just had and the way he was looking at me as he stood up again, I felt sated and yet wanton at the same time. It never occurred to me to cover myself or feel self-conscious under his intense gaze. In fact, I never wanted him to stop looking at me the way he was at that moment. It was a mixture of hunger and adoration bound together with heat, and it sent a fresh wave of empowerment through me to know that someone like him could look at me like that.

I toyed with the ends of my hair as I let my gaze drift over every inch of him. The candlelight had cast his face slightly in shadow, but made his hair almost look like it was tipped with fire and his body was godlike in its perfection marred only by the towel still wrapped around his waist; although with his very prominent erection pressing against it, I didn't know how it had stayed on so long.

Feeling bold, I told him what I wanted. "Get rid of the towel."

With a smirk, he reached down and gave the towel a yank and dropped it to the floor. "Better?"

"No, you're still too far away."

The smirk turned to a grin. "Well, that's easy enough to rectify."

Edward knelt on the bed, and with his usual catlike grace, he crawled over to me almost as if he was stalking his prey. When he made it over to me, he threw one leg over me and sat down so he was straddling my hips and effectively pinning them to the bed. His cool body was a contrast to my overheated skin, but rather than chilling me, it only made my skin burn hotter.

He was smirking again, and he leaned down so that our faces were just inches apart. "Okay, you've got me, now just what are you going to do with me, Miss Swan?"

"Anything I want to," I said as I ran my hands over his chest. How I'd managed to keep my voice steady when it wanted to tremble with anticipation, I'll never know. I also didn't know where I was getting all my boldness from, but I was definitely enjoying it.

"I like the sound of that," was all he said before closing the gap between us and kissing me.

The kiss was slow and deep. Careful to guard his teeth so I wouldn't nick myself on them, his tongue tangled with mine playfully. The taste of his kisses was sweet on my tongue. He told me once that the flavor came from the trace amounts of venom in his saliva that wouldn't hurt me as long as it didn't come in contact with my blood stream. Whatever it was, I didn't care; I loved it. It made me feel like I was drinking in some tangible part of him, and it thrilled me.

While my hands had made their way to their favorite place, namely his hair, his hands were anything but idle. Where his touch had been fast and furious in the bathroom, now it was torturously slow, touching, stroking, and generally enflaming my body. I heard myself moan on more than one occasion.

Then his lips shifted, moving to the corner of my mouth, along my jaw, down my throat and finally back to the spot behind my ear that he knew made me weak. Lifting his head, he inhaled deeply and sighed.

"God, Bella. Your arousal smells amazing," he ground out. "I can't stand it anymore, I need to taste you."

Before I could force my brain out of its haze and form some kind of verbal reply, he had moved down my body. Parting my legs, he lifted first one and then other over his shoulders so that I was spread open for him. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply then with a smile opened his eyes and his gaze met mine.

"Hmm, just like a banquet spread before me. And you're so wet. Did I do that?"

I could only nod and watch in mute fascination as he placed small kisses along my inner thigh on the way to his ultimate goal. Just as he'd done in the bathroom, he brushed his nose over my folds and inhaled deeply.

"Delectable," he whispered. "I will never tire of your scent, especially when you're aroused."

My whole body was trembling for him now. "Please, Edward," I begged. "I ... "

Whatever the next words were going to be they died a quick death when he leaned in and touched the tip of his cool tongue against my swollen, overheated flesh. Pleasure like I'd never felt before speared through me.

And I screamed his name.

I would have arched off the bed if he hadn't been holding onto my legs securely. Fortunately for me, my reaction only seemed to spur him on, and his tongue laved the length of my sensitive skin like he was licking a popsicle.

I couldn't help but thrash under his ministrations. "Oh, yes, please, Edward," I begged ... no, sobbed was a better description. "Don't stop!"

He apparently had no plans to because the next thing I felt was his tongue not just on me, but _inside_ me.

The orgasms came in waves at that point, one on top of the other until I lost the ability and the desire to count them. When Edward finally finished tasting me, I was a sweaty, quivering lump, unable to do much but lay there and watch him.

Apparently sensing just how weak I was after his ministrations, Edward slowly kissed his way up my body lingering for a moment on my breasts, but while part of my my mind registered that what he was doing to them was pleasurable, I couldn't work up much energy to react.

Then he settled above me, the hard length of him nestled lightly against my center, and his cool body pressing me down into the mattress with a weight that I liked. It was comforting, intimate and yet arousing all at the same time.

His face hovered over mine. "Hi," he said with a wide smirk.

I gave him a sloppy grin. "Hey."

The smirk got wider. "How are you?"

I somehow managed a giggle. "I'm good, really good."

He looked taken aback. "Just good?" he said with mock horror. "Sounds like I need to try harder."

That made me laugh. "If you try any harder, I think I'm going to pass out. Actually, you were ... that was amazing."

He nodded and laughed with me. "Amazing, huh? Now that sounds more like it."

I played with his hair. "Seriously though, thank you for that. You didn't have to do it, but I'm glad you did."

His expression turned soft. "I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. I meant it when I said you taste delicious." To illustrate his point, he licked the wetness off his lips that I knew was from his time between my thighs, and the idea of it set desire simmering inside me again. "And I really liked it when you came around my tongue."

The words had the simmering in my blood moving to a slow rolling boil. My fingers traced lightly around his mouth, collecting what moisture his tongue had missed. "I bet you didn't like it half as much as I did."

I had every intention of putting my finger in my mouth to see if I could taste what Edward thought was so appealing, but before I could he beat me to it and being careful of his teeth, he pulled my finger into his own mouth, sucked it clean, and then let it go with a pop.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. Those delicious juices are mine."

I ran my damp finger down the side of his face. "Only yours," I agreed quietly.

Edward leaned down and kissed me softly. "Thank you for such a gift." Then he shifted slightly, the hard length of him reminding me that I'd been a little lax in seeing to his needs.

Because there wasn't enough room to reach between us and touch him like I wanted to, I slipped my legs up around his waist, settling him even more deeply against me, and then I slowly rocked my hips under him and made him gasp.

"I think it's about time I did some reciprocating," I told him. "I've been having all the fun."

"Oh, believe me when I say it was fun for me, too." His expression was aroused but also warm and thoughtful as he stared down at me. "And I appreciate that you'd like to reciprocate, but I have a favor to ask."

"A favor?" I asked with a frown. "Of course, anything."

He pressed his forehead to mine; which I was beginning to see was a gesture he did when he wanted to be tender or especially heartfelt. "I don't want the first time I come to be in your mouth or on your hands, which is what is going to happen if you put your mouth on me. When it happens for the first time, I want to be inside you, making love to you."

My throat closed for a moment as I cradled his face in my hands, and I had to swallow the small lump that had formed before I could speak. "I'd like that, too."

I was surprised to see that a hint of what I could only describe as trepidation entered his eyes. "You know it might hurt you the first time, right?"

I nodded. That was so like Edward, always concerned about me. "I know the first time for a woman is not always fireworks and the earth moving, and if it's not, that's okay. This is a bridge that has to be crossed, and I know you'll do what you can to make it good for me. Actually, you've already made the night spectacular," I told him. "Things can only get better from here because I'll know that I can bring you pleasure, too. I'm sure that the other times we're together will be amazing for both of us because you love me, and from what you've already shown me tonight, you have no problem with seeing to my needs and making me see those fireworks and throwing the earth right off it's axis."

He smiled down at me like I was the most precious treasure he'd ever seen. "I love you, Isabella Marie Swan."

"I love you too, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

He captured my mouth with his in another slow kiss then lifted his head. "If you're open to suggestion, I'd like to try something."

"Tell me what you want," I whispered.

Tugging gently on my legs, he pulled them from around his waist, then holding onto to me, he rolled us over so he was now looking up at me. "I want you to be on top."

Well, I hadn't expected that, but on the other hand, the idea was intriguing, and I liked the feeling of straddling him. "Not that I'm complaining, because I'm not, but can I ask why?" I asked.

"Without getting technical and ruining the moment, it gives you the dominant position, and you can more easily control how deep and fast I move inside you."

His words sent a little thrill through me, until he got to the next part.

"It will also let me put my hands under me so I don't grip you too hard," he explained and as if to demonstrate, he slid his hands under him.

"You're not going to have your hands on me?" I asked a little disappointed.

"I know, I'd rather touch you too, but when I come I don't want to risk hurting you. We can consider this another form of practice. If I can do it without tearing up the bed, I'll have my hands all over you next time. I promise."

I could see his point, and I knew he was only doing it for my safety and his own piece of mind. "Okay, but with me being on top, I won't really know what to do."

He smiled, apparently pleased by my agreement. "You may have to do more of the work than if you were under me, but I think we can figure it out together. To start with, you might try rubbing yourself against me."

That sounded easy enough. When he had turned us over, his hard length was no longer pressed up against me but was slightly in front of me. I could, however, see that was still slick from the earlier contact with my body which should make it easy to slide against. I inched forward until I was over the base of it, and then I settled down on it and rocked my hips experimentally.

Edward groaned, and I gasped at the feeling. Wow, that was very nice. Not as nice as his tongue, I could definitely get onboard with this idea.

"How was that?" I asked with a grin.

"Good ... uh, that was very, um good," Edward choked out. "Why don't you ... uh, keep going?"

"Whatever you say," I agreed, and then I began to rock my hips in earnest. With every stroke, Edward groaned a little louder, and he began to squirm. Not only did it feel good for me, but I was having a lot of fun driving him as crazy as he'd driven me.

Then I got a little creative. I remembered Esme's advice about touching him, so while I kept my hips moving, I inched my hands up his chest and pinched his nipples.

"Bella!" he growled his back arching off the bed. "God!"

I couldn't help but giggle as I trailed my nails over them repeatedly, and it elicited just about the same reaction. I loved it when he growled like that, and I filed away the fact that he liked having his nipples played with. Yes, we'd definitely be exploring that further. I wondered how he'd like having my mouth fastened around one of them.

"Please, Bella," he begged. "Please ... meadow."

I blinked in surprise at the fact he'd used the safe word, and I snatched my hands back and instantly stilled. Once my initial surprise had ebbed, I started to crawl off of him.

"No! Don't move, I'm sorry," he said, and I settled back into place but remained still.

"What happened?" I asked. "What did I do wrong?"

Closing his eyes, he seemed to by trying to get himself under control. "Nothing," he said. "You did nothing wrong."

He still hadn't opened his eyes. "Then why won't you look at me?" I whispered. A familiar tightening began in my chest and a prickle burned in my eyes, both of which told me tears were not far away. I wanted so badly to make this good for him, and I apparently couldn't manage it.

Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he sat up, gathering me close and pulling my legs around his waist. "Oh, love, please don't cry. I just had my eyes closed in an attempt to try and get a hold of myself. I meant it when I said you did nothing wrong. In fact, you were doing everything very right. I used the safe word because I knew it was the quickest way to stop you."

A tear trailed down my cheek before I could stop it. "If I was doing things so right then why did you want me to stop?"

Blowing out a breath, he brushed away the tear and then some hair back from my face. "Because my beautiful, tempting, love, I was about to come but like I said, I want to be inside you when I do."

I stared at him. "You mean you were ... that I almost ... "

Grinning, he nodded. "I wasn't ready for the sensation of you touching my nipples like that. Coupled with the image of you straddling me and the feeling you rocking over me, it was just too much, and I nearly let go prematurely." He gave me a self-deprecating grin. "Part of me is an inexperienced seventeen year old, you know, they have been known to do that."

I sagged against him with a laugh. I'd been too arousing? Well, that if that was my cross to bear, then I'd do so happily. "So I got you _too_ wound up?"

"Something like that," he said, chuckling with me as he stroked a hand over my hair. "Normally, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but I'm still getting used to being with you like this, and as I said, the first time I want to be inside you. On the positive side, I didn't want to kill you or anything."

I laughed again. "Good to know." Getting a hold of my own emotions, I took a couple of breaths. "Okay, well, what do you want me to do now? Do you still want to try?"

He smiled. "Yes, but I was thinking we might try and move things along a bit." He looked at me cautiously. "Are you ready to try taking me inside you?"

The idea gave me a little thrill. "Yes."

He kissed me lightly, then untangling my legs from his waist, he laid back on the bed. "Well, whenever you're ready."

"Okay, here goes nothing," I said.

The concept was simple enough. Tab A in slot B. Or in our case tab E into slot B. The thought made me giggle.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, my mind is being silly. Just ignore me."

He smirked. "It would be easier for me to make the sun stop coming up in the morning."

I shot him a smile but focused back in on my task. Centering myself over his erection, I took his length in one hand, and I lifted up enough to get the tip of him under me. Once I felt like I had him in the right place, I started to slowly lower myself.

"Easy now," Edward encouraged.

I could tell he wasn't in very far, and already he felt huge inside me. Not like he was going to split me apart huge, but just a feeling of being very, very ... full; the fact that his length was slightly chilled from the air and my moisture probably enhanced that feeling.

I wondered for a moment if I should go slow or if I should use the ripping the bandage off method. I decided to go with door number two and just get it over with. It was almost a given that it was going to hurt to some degree, so why draw out the pain?

"I want to try something," I said tightly.

"Wha...?"

That was as far as Edward got before I slammed my hips down on his, burying him to the hilt inside me all at once. We both cried out at the same time; Edward I'm sure in surprise and probably pleasure at the feeling of my body suddenly wrapped around him and me in pain.

However, the pain wasn't as bad as I'd feared; it wasn't necessarily pleasant, but it wasn't unbearable. It was more of a stinging, slightly burning sensation. Leaning forward, I rested my hands on his chest, closed my eyes and tried to take slow, deep breaths. With all the injuries I'd sustained over the years, one thing they always tell you when dealing with pain is to keep breathing.

"Bella? Are you all right?" When I didn't answer him right away, I felt his hands on my shoulders, telling me he must have given up on the idea of keeping his hands off me. "Bella? Say something!"

"I'm all right. Just, um give me a minute," I said slowly keeping my eyes closed. "Is there much blood?"

Still inside me, he tugged me down and rested my head on his chest, as he ran a gentle hand over my back. "I can smell a little, but it's not much."

Oddly enough, I couldn't smell it, which was just as well since the last thing I needed to do was get sick or dizzy from smelling blood. "Are you okay with it?"

"Yes, I'm fine, don't worry," he said brush away the hair to try and see my face. "I'm more worried about you."

I laid there and took stock. The pain had faded to a slightly dull throbbing. Actually, I think the fact that his length had been cool when he entered me had helped. Like an ice pack on an injury, it was acting like a soothing balm on my slightly abused flesh.

I let out one final breath and then sat up again and straightened my shoulders. "It's fine. I'm okay."

He looked skeptical. "We can stop if ... "

"No," I insisted. "We both want this, and we knew this might happen. It's not as bad as I expected, and the pain is almost gone, I swear." It was the truth; there really wasn't any pain now, just the incredibly full feeling of having him inside me.

Edward sighed tucked some hair behind my ear. "Why did you force things, love? I thought you were going to go slow."

"I was, but then I thought that maybe I should just get it over with quickly, like ripping off a bandage," I explained.

"I wish you'd given me some warning."

I sighed. "I know I should have, but it was a snap decision, and I went with it. I'm sorry." I mustered up a smirk. "So... how do _you_ feel?"

He looked up at me in mild disbelief. "How do you think I feel buried inside your warmth? It feels amazing, I'm just sorry it's at your expense."

Okay, I could see how this was going to go if I didn't do something. He was going to analyze it to death and let his guilt over the fact that I'd had some pain during our first time derail the whole night. Getting another idea, I leaned back slightly and rested my hands on his thighs behind me.

"Bella, what are you...?"

I didn't let him finish before I rocked my hips forward. There was a twinge of pain, but as I continued to rock back and forth, it disappeared again and Edward's reaction was definitely worth it. He had stopped his protests, his eyes were all but rolled up in his head, and he was growling and moaning. It was so much better than him guilting himself to death.

"Yes, Bella, oh, yes, please, like that," he ground out.

"Your wish is my command," I responded playfully.

Now that I wasn't feeling pain any more, I found that with my hands on his thighs for leverage, I could move with quicker, harder strokes. I also discovered that we both liked it better when Edward came almost all the way out of me before I plunged him back in again. Edward's hands gripped my hips firmly but not painfully and he also helped guide my movements. Before long, my hips had settled into a rhythm of long rolling strokes and the sound of flesh meeting flesh filled the room along with Edward's growling. I was also getting quite the workout as sweat began to pop out all over my body.

Then something interesting happened. My body began to respond, I mean really respond to what we were doing. It wasn't just that it wasn't painful, and it wasn't even that it just felt good. Heat and the tingling of desire began building low in my abdomen again which surprised me. This time was meant to be about Edward since he'd spent the evening making it about me, and we hadn't expected to get much past the discomfort for me, but somehow it had become about us.

It also occurred to me that Edward's long length no longer felt cool inside me. It felt like a part of me now that it had warmed to my body temperature. The idea that while he would eventually be leaving his essence inside me, I would be leaving some part of me in him too, was very erotic to me. Even if what I was giving him was something as ephemeral and fleeting as my body heat.

"So close," Edward groaned.

"Me too."

Hearing my words and apparently seeing the truth on my face, he grinned in the midst of his pleasure. "Really?"

I nodded and grinned back, but those feelings were launched into the next stratosphere when Edward moved one of his hands between us and he began to stroke my little bundle of nerves in time with the thrust of my hips.

"Bella, I can't ... hold out ... anymore," Edward yelled. "I need to ... please come with me."

I didn't need any urging, as I was already right there with him. "Yes, Edward, now!"

"BELLA!" he shouted, as he grabbed my hips, and his body jerked up into mine.

I felt his cool release inside me, and it threw me over the edge right after him. This time, the orgasm was so intense, I couldn't manage anything but a silent scream as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through me.

With a groan, I collapsed forward onto Edward's chest. His arms went around me, and we both lay there trembling as I tried to take in as much oxygen as possible. Gently, he turned us so that I was now on my back, and he slid out of me making me groan at the loss and wince a bit at the movement of my slightly sore lady parts.

He kissed my sweaty forehead. "I'll be right back."

I wanted to ask him where he was going, but I didn't have the energy. Instead, I watched him climb out of bed and walk into the bathroom. The water turned on and ran for a few minutes and then he came back with a towel and a wet washcloth in his hands.

My body felt about as firm as runny mashed potatoes when he crawled back on the bed and gently washed down the lower half of my body. Part of the white wash cloth came back slightly pink, but it wasn't bad, and it didn't seem to bother my usually squeamish nature. I remembered Edward's words about there not being a lot of blood, something for which I was grateful.

After drying me off with the large towel, he slid a pair of plain blue underwear on me, presumably in case anything else leaked out of me, and he took the washcloth back into the bathroom where I heard the water running again. A few minutes later he returned and it was hard not to notice the fact that he hadn't put any kind of undergarments or pajamas on himself before sliding back into bed with me. Silently, he gathered me in his arms so I was half resting on his chest. Due to the fact that his groin and hips were dry and not sticky, I guessed he'd taken time in the bathroom to clean himself up as well.

"Are you all right?" Edward finally asked brushing a kiss to my temple.

"Hmm," was all I could manage as I snuggled against him.

"Was that a good 'hmm' or a bad 'hmm'?"

"Hmm, good," I mumbled.

He chuckled. "Good to know that I've reduced to you a woman of few words."

I ran my hand over his arm and up his chest. "What you did was make me a very satisfied woman."

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't one very satisfied man," he said. I could hear the lazy, contented tone in his voice. "I just wish our first time could have been a little more tender."

Looking up at him, I laid my hand on his chest and rested my chin on it. "We'll have time for tender. I thought the way things went was great. I have no complaints."

He kissed the tip of my nose. "Do you feel any different?"

I considered that. "It's a little hard to describe, but I guess the best way to put it is to say that I finally know what all the fuss is about." I reached up and ran my fingers over his jaw. "And I loved being able to share this experience and hopefully many more with you."

He captured my hand and brought it to his lips. "There will be as many as you like," he said kissing each of my fingers.

"What about you?" I asked him. "Do you feel any different?"

His hand stroked over my back. "Well, I guess what I feel is similar to what you're feeling. I feel closer to you, and after all this time of unintentionally seeing glimpses of other people's sex lives and sexual thoughts, it's awfully nice to have some of my own memories. Especially since they're with you."

"Aw, what a sweet talker," I said, as I slid up a bit higher and kissed him before snuggling down next to him.

We were both quiet for the next few minutes, and then I felt his tongue brush my jaw. I blinked a little in surprise and then felt his tongue go down to my throat and do it again.

My head snapped up so I could look at him. "Edward, are you LICKING me?"

He gave me a sheepish look. "Um, yes. Sorry, love, I just couldn't help myself. You've still got sweat on you, and it smells so good and it tastes salty."

"Oh," I said stupidly. A moment ago, I thought that the idea of him licking me was kind of strange, but when he put it like that, it sounded kind of ... erotic.

"I won't do it again if you don't want me to."

I looked at him. "I didn't say that exactly ... " I hedged.

He narrowed his eyes at me playfully. "Are you saying that you don't mind the idea of me licking you all over?"

I remember what his tongue had felt like when it had been between my thighs. To put it mildly, it had been amazing. "Well ... "

He grinned at me. "You are saying that! Excellent!" He took a big swipe at my neck and then along my shoulder.

"Edward, that tickles!" I squealed.

"Even better," he laughed playfully.

And with that, he tackled me back onto the bed and proceeded to give me a tongue bath that I wouldn't be forgetting any time soon.

**VICTORIA**

Riley and I ran through the dark Canadian forest. As much as I had enjoyed riding in a car, there was something to be said for being in the great wide open. The delicious campers that Riley and I had just dined on and then burned to cover the evidence was one of them. Crossing international borders was easier, too. At this point, I felt like I could take on the world. Everything was falling into place, and very soon I would have my revenge on the Cullens for killing my beloved James.

"How much longer do you think it will be before we get there?" Riley asked.

Did he really just ask me the equivalent of 'are we there yet'? I had to suppress the urge to bare my teeth and snarl at him. Was he ever going to stop being so whiny? I swear if he stepped one toe out of line during the next few days, he wasn't going to live long enough to regret it.

"Not too much longer," I said trying to keep my voice calm.

"And you're sure that you can trust the information that Laurent guy gave us?"

"Riley," I said, unable to keep all of the irritation out of my voice. "Laurent knew what he was talking about. Since he's been living with the 'Weird Sisters' clan, he's been keeping tabs on the Cullens' movements for me. The sisters knew where the Cullens were living, so now _we_ know where they live. It's as simple as that."

"I just hope that he didn't lie to us."

"We've been over this," I told him for what felt like the one-thousandth time. "He had no reason to lie."

"Okay, let's say that's true, what if he tells his clan or the Cullens what we've been up to?" he added. "He could ruin everything."

"He won't. He has just as much to lose as we do if he tips them off. Even if his mate forgives him, the Cullens would most likely kill him for helping us."

Laurent also knows that I will rip his balls off and feed them to him if he crosses me, I thought silently.

"He just seemed a little shifty when I met him."

He was actually pouting now and I seriously wanted to hit my head against the nearest tree. No, scratch that, I wanted to hit RILEY'S head against the nearest tree. I mentally counted to ten. "That's just part of Laurent's charm."

"Charm's not what I'd call it," Riley muttered.

I was tired of his bitching and moaning so I came to an abrupt halt. Riley ran past me and had to circle back around. I launched into my verbal assault before he had completely stopped.

"Look, Riley, I'm tired of you doubting me," I snarled. "It sounds like I'm the one you don't trust, not Laurent."

"No, no, that's not what I meant!" he tried to back-pedal.

"Then stop questioning my judgment." I put on my best hurt face. "Unless you don't really want to be with me, and you're trying to find an excuse to leave me."

He launched himself at me like a dog after a bone and hugged me. I resisted the urge to shove him away. "No, baby, of course that's not it. I'm sorry if I made it sound like that," he simpered.

I turned my face away so he wouldn't see me smirk. He was SO easy to control. "That's good, Riley, because I need you. I don't want to do this alone," I said patting his back.

"You don't have to," he promised.

I pulled back to give him my earnest face. "Just be patient a little bit longer, darling. We're so close to getting everything we want. With most of the Cullens still chasing their tails in Alaska, we'll never have a more perfect shot at their pet. There are just a couple more details to set up, and then we'll be ready to set things in motion."

He grinned. "And then the Cullen clan won't know what hit it."

"Exactly."

Yes, things were definitely falling into place. Through the trees, I saw a set of headlights illuminate a large green sign that had been erected at the edge of a nearby road and it made me smile.

_**WELCOME TO NEW YORK – The Empire State**_

TBC...

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><p>In the immortal words of Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott in <em>Star Trek: The Voyage Home<em>: "Hold on tight, Lassie. It gets bumpy from here!"

I haven't written the next chapter yet, but it's been in my head for months so I'm hopeful that I'll have it done within the next two weeks. See you then!


	41. Chapter 41

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who is reading this story and a double thanks to those that have sent feedback. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to get this chapter done. The good news is that chapter 42 is already off with my beta and will definitely be posted in 2 weeks.

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><p><em><strong>New Chapter:<strong>_ No lemons here, in fact there may only be one more before the end of the story. This chapters and the next few coming up are ratcheting up of the angst in the story and things are finally coming to a head. Also let me just repeat for anyone who doesn't know this... I'M ALL ABOUT THE HAPPY ENDING! So please trust me as you read the next couple of chapters. Things will come out in the wash.

_**Previously in Chapter 39:**_Edward and Bella were finally together and the chapter ended with Victoria and Riley running through the forest only to see a sign that read:

_**WELCOME TO NEW YORK – The Empire State**_

For anyone that missed the connection, the Bella and the Cullens are living in Ithaca, New York.

And with that... on with the show.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 41<strong>_

**EDWARD**

Writing the last word on the page, my eyes drifted back over to the bed and I smiled. Sleeping deeply and peacefully, my love was sprawled across the mattress. I wanted to feel guilty that I had probably worn her out with our activities the night before, but I just couldn't.

It had been a week since our first night together and I wasn't sure which of us was enjoying our lovemaking more. Each time we were together, not only did I gain more control, but I delighted in finding new ways to pleasure her. Under normal circumstances she was beautiful, but she was stunning and almost ethereal when she was in the throes of passion.

The only sour note had been a few bruises that I'd left on her while I had still been learning to control my strength during our intimate moments. However, Bella had been patient and understanding with my concerns. After talking them through and her pointing out that not only it was all part of practicing, but the fact that she normally bruised more easily than a ripe pear, we'd pressed on, and there hadn't been a new bruise on her since then; well, not from me anyway as she was still as clumsy as ever.

Tearing my eyes away from the enticing sight of her, I looked back down at the note I'd written and reviewed my words to make sure I'd gotten it just right. Satisfied with what I'd written, I signed my name at the bottom. I rose from the desk and after folding the note in half, I laid it on the pillow next to Bella's head with a small bouquet of freesia. Then, I placed a gentle kiss on her lips and went downstairs.

It was very early, the sun wasn't even up yet, and Carlisle was working an overnight shift at the hospital, but I found Esme sitting at the dining room table pouring over some building plans.

She looked up at me as I entered the dining room. "Good Morning, Edward."

"Morning, Esme. How are the plans coming?"

She smile proudly as I stopped next to her to look over the papers spread across the table. "Wonderfully. I've already got the permits and I've ordered all the materials we'll need. As soon as Emmett and Jasper get back, we'll be ready to move forward with construction."

"Good, I hope Bella will like this surprise."

"I'm sure she will."

"What's that?" I asked pointing to a large area on the blueprints. "A third bedroom?"

Esme grinned. "No, it's a closet and dressing area."

"For what, a modeling troupe?"

She laughed. "No, for you and Bella."

I didn't have to read her mind to know who had been behind something like that. "I assume that was Alice's contribution to the design?"

"Of course. She insisted on it when we were discussing the plans yesterday."

"Hmmm, Alice wanting an enormous closet. There's a shocker."

Two days earlier, I'd read in Esme's mind that she'd had the idea to build a small house for Bella and I. Call it a granny flat, casita or mother-in-law apartment, it would give us our own place. With everyone returning from Alaska in the next couple of days, Esme had come to the correct conclusion that Bella and I would eventually appreciate a little more privacy. She had remembered the small, rundown cottage on the property of the house in Forks and thought to use the same idea here. The property here in Ithaca was smaller than the one in Forks, so it wouldn't be terribly far from the house, but you wouldn't be able to see it from the main house either. I thought the idea of it was nothing short of brilliant, and after discussing it with Esme and Carlisle, the two of them had decided to give us the cottage for a wedding present. We'd talked about giving it to Bella on her birthday, but given how her last birthday had gone, I wasn't going to push any grand gestures on her this year.

"Are you heading out?" Esme asked me.

I nodded. "I thought I'd leave early so I'd be home at a reasonable time. Plus, I should miss the rush hour traffic into the city."

"What time is your appointment with Mr. Jankowski?"

"Eleven a.m."

Bella and I had decided that we didn't want to wait very long to get married. Consequently, she, Rose, Esme, and Alice had already been talking about having the wedding in a couple of weeks. In preparation for that, there were a number of things I wanted to get for Bella; namely a set of wedding jewelry, her own bracelet with the family crest on it, and a wedding band that would fit with her engagement ring. She knew nothing about my plans, of course, she would never let me spend that much money on her without protesting.

Although I was certain that there were many competent jewelers closer to Ithaca, I wanted Bella to have the best, and so Alice had recommended a jewelry designer in the diamond district of mid-town Manhattan that she thought would be perfect. According to Alice, the weather was also going to cooperate, and it would be cloudy all day, so I shouldn't have any issues with being exposed in that sense.

I just wished it wasn't so far away. I hated the idea of leaving Bella for so long. Without too much traffic, it was about a four hour drive into the city and then four hours back, plus whatever time it took me to meet with the jeweler; potentially, I could be gone about 10 hours. Even taking a commuter plane wouldn't really shorten my travel time all that much. Being at the mercy of airline scheduling and airport screening, the travel time would still be about the same. Maybe it was time to look into buying the family our own plane or maybe a helicopter.

"Edward, what's wrong? You're frowning."

"Maybe I shouldn't go," I said snapping out of my thoughts. "Or maybe I should wait until everyone gets back tomorrow. I hate leaving Bella."

Esme smiled in understanding. "I know you do, but it's only for the day, and she'll be fine. I'll be here all day and Carlisle will be home in a few hours. You know we'll take care of her."

"Yes, I know," I told her. "But I still can't help worrying about her."

"And none of us expect you to. As long as Victoria is still out there and Bella is still human, it's understandable that you'd worry, but from the bodies that Jasper found, Victoria is still in Alaska, so I'm sure Bella will be fine."

"Okay, you're right. I'm being irrational."

"You're not being irrational." Her smile softened. "All right, maybe a little, but being in love will do that to you. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about Carlisle every time he's out of my sight, even though I know he's just going to work. It's just part of loving someone." Then she put on her best 'mom' face. "Now, I think you should get going. You know the old saying, the sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back."

I chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Yes, ma'am. Tell Bella I'll call if I'm going to later than 5 p.m."

"I will."

And with that I headed out to the car.

**JASPER**

"Brother? Don't you think you've had enough?" I told him with a grin as he stalked another bear.

"There's no such thing," he growled before he took off after the bear, wrestling with it before burying his teeth in its throat. The wrestling I knew he did more for sport than for anything to do with actually subduing the animal. Seeing how he'd been mauled by one when he was still human, I knew he had a chip on his shoulder where bears were concerned and I could hardly begrudge him that.

However, since I was finished hunting myself, I sat down on a boulder to wait for him. It was already an hour after sunrise and Alice and Rose should have been back at the house already, so I was a little anxious to get back. Things had gotten even more stressed in the Denali household over the last two days. Laurent had still not returned and while Carmen and Eleazar were just as kind and welcoming as always, the Denali sisters were being – as Emmett has so eloquently put it – the three little bitches. Irina especially was taking her frustration with Laurent out on us, even going so far as to blame us for his continued absence. As much as I wanted to ask her WHY our presence would be keeping him away if he had nothing to hide, I didn't think that was the wisest course of action if I wanted to keep even the small sliver of remaining peace between our families.

So, since we were all having a crappy time, Laurent still hadn't shown up, and we still weren't any closer to finding Victoria's trail, we'd decided it would be best if we all just went home tomorrow and regrouped.

Just then, Emmett came all but sloshing out of the woods. "Did you finally get your fill?" I asked him.

"Hey, I'm just stocking up since Ithaca doesn't have nearly the bear population that they've got here," he argued patting his stomach. "And besides, I gotta be ready for the plane ride tomorrow."

"Okay, okay," I said deciding to stop giving him crap about it.

"I can't wait to get out of this place," he told me. "I used to have fun coming up here, but between finding those bodies in the car and Irina being a grade A bitch these days, the honeymoon is definitely over." He kicked at a rock with his shoe and it went sailing into the trees. "Besides, Rose misses Little Sis."

I grinned. "Oh, like you don't miss her too."

To my surprise, he didn't even try to deny it. "Well, of course I miss her too! What a dumb thing to say," he growled, then muttered. "She's the only one that will play Grand Theft Auto with me anymore."

"The rest of us won't play it with you because you cheat," I pointed out.

"I do not cheat!"

"Emmett, not only do you cheat, you blatantly, excessively cheat," I told him. "The difference is you care what Bella thinks, and she won't put up with you cheating, so you keep it honest." I grinned. "That's also why she has a tendency to beat you."

"I let her win," he grumbled.

"Just keep telling yourself that, man. Just keep telling yourself that."

He ignored my last comment and changed the subject. "Speaking of Little Sis, do you think Eddie will be a little less ... Eddie, now that Bella popped his cherry?"

"Okay, Emmett, I am going to suggest that you not say anything about popping anyone's cherry around the women in the family and especially around Bella." But then I grinned. "I am, however, going to enjoy teasing our brother about it when they're not around."

Emmett grinned. "Yeah, I wonder how long it will take until he looses his cool over it."

"I bet I can make him crack first."

He smugly crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh, hell no. I know how to push every one of his buttons. I can definitely get him to crack first."

"Care to put a little wager on that?"

"Absolutely. How much?"

I shrugged. "$500?"

His grinned widened and he held out his hand. "You're on."

Before I could even reach out to shake his hand, my phone buzzed. Pulling it out of my pocket, I looked at the display and saw that it was Rose. She almost never called me, so I figured she called me by mistake and had meant to call Emmett. Accepting the call, I was prepared to tease her.

"Emmett McCarty's House of Ill Repute." I began and Emmett gave me an annoyed shove which made me laugh.

"Cut the crap, Jasper. Something's up with Alice," Rose blurted without preamble.

My heart or what passed for it was in my throat and I had already started running before the next words left my mouth. "What's wrong? Is she hurt?" I demanded trying not to panic. Assess the situation before making any conclusions, I told myself trying to draw on my military training.

"No, she's not hurt but ..." her voice trailed off. "Well, it's hard to explain. Just get your ass back here now!"

"What's going on?" Emmett demanded as he kept pace just beside me.

I ignored him. "We're on our way, but you need to tell me what's happening."

"She's ..." her voiced trailed again.

It was very unlike Rose to be at a loss for words, which worried me even more. "Just take a deep breath, Rose, and tell me what's going on."

To my surprise, I heard her do as I suggested. "She's having a vision, I think, or kind of a vision, but she keeps saying 'I can't see, I can't see' and she won't respond to any of my questions."

I was used to Alice's visions, but this sounded like something different and not in a good way. "Okay, are you back at the house?"

"Yeah, we're in the backyard. We didn't want to go inside and deal with Irina's crap."

"Okay, just stay with her. We're coming."

**BELLA**

Stretching, I pulled myself from a deep, dreamless sleep and looked around. Disappointment rushed through me when I realized Edward wasn't beside me. Usually he was snuggled up with me with just a blanket between us to keep the chill of his body from invading mine. Sitting up, I looked around. Although the clouds looked thick outside, I could tell by the amount of light that it was well into the morning, but I still didn't see any sign of Edward. Then I noticed the note and the small bouquet of freesia on my pillow. I knew without reading the note that both items had to be from Edward. He always commented on how I smelled like freesia.

Reaching over, I picked up the small bunch of flowers and the folded piece of paper. Holding the flowers up to my face, I inhaled their delicate sweet scent and then I flipped open the note and started to read.

_Good morning, Love,_

_I'm sorry that I will not be there when you wake up. In a perfect world, I would be there every morning to wake you with long kisses and soft caresses. However, I have an important errand to run today and it will take me most of the day to complete. Therefore, I am leaving early so that I can return to you that much sooner. If all goes as planned, I should be back late this afternoon. _

_Also, please do not panic when you find that your engagement ring is gone, I've borrowed it, but I promise to return it to its proper place on your finger when I see you tonight. _

_I will miss you every moment we are apart and I plan on making it up to you when I return. As always, be safe and take care of my heart, I've left it with you._

_All my love,_

_Edward_

I smiled at his beautiful words and my gaze went to my ring finger. Sure enough, it was bare, and I had to admit that I didn't like the ring being gone, but if it was just for day and because Edward needed it, I guess I could stand it.

Reading the note again, I sighed. I missed him already and it looked like I was going to be on my own today. Well, I was pretty sure Esme would be here, and I think Carlisle was due home sometime this afternoon. After I did my yoga and my meditation, maybe Esme and I could talk about more about the details for the wedding before Alice descended tomorrow. If I was lucky, maybe she could even help me decide what to get Edward as a wedding present. What did you get the groom-to-be who already has everything, or at the very least has enough money to _buy_ practically everything?

I sighed again and couldn't hold back a smile. We were getting married. It was still a little hard for me to believe that I was finally getting everything I wanted. Well, except for immortality so I could be with him forever of course, but ... okay, I wasn't going there. In any case, I was definitely looking forward to marrying him and tying myself to him in every human way possible. Live in the moment, I reminded myself. Besides, despite missing Edward, it felt like it was going to be a good day.

Stretching again, I took physical inventory. I felt refreshed after a good night's sleep, hungry for some breakfast and ready to take on the day. Then, I smirked. I was also a little sore from my activities with Edward last night, but in the best of ways. In the week we'd been together, as in _together_, together, he'd been wearing me out on a regular basis. And when it came to stamina, he had it in spades, without the need to 'recharge' like I understood human men needed to, but I was in no way complaining. In fact, I'd have to make sure that one of the ways he made it up to me for him being gone all day today was to engage in more of those activities tonight.

With a grin and lascivious thoughts of him in mind, I tossed back the covers and got up to start the day.

**JASPER**

I don't remember much of the journey back to the house. All I knew was that I had to get to Alice and everything else would just have to wait. When Emmett and I finally cleared the tree line and rushed into the wide yard behind the Denali's home, my stomach sank.

Alice was sitting on the ground, her back to us, her knees pulled up to her chest and she was rocking slightly. Rose and Carmen were kneeling on either side of her, while Eleazar stood off to the side looking very concerned. Where the Denali sisters were, I had no idea, but it was obvious that everyone gathered was at a loss for what do to for Alice.

As soon as they saw Emmett and I enter the yard, Rosalie and Carmen stood. "Thank God, you're here."

"Has she been like this the whole time?" I asked replacing Rose by Alice's side and laid my hand on her arm. Alice's eyes were closed and she didn't seem to notice me, she only continued to rock and just as Rose had said on the phone Alice kept muttering 'I can't see, I can't see.'

"We came back from hunting and we were just talking about going home and the wedding, then she stiffened like she was having a really strong or really bad vision. I kept waiting for her to come out of it but she started pacing instead and I heard her say, 'What's happening? No, that can't be right'."

I could feel the uncertainty, confusion and fear rolling off Rosalie. Clearly, she was unnerved by what had happened and Emmett put his arm around her as she continued. "Then she stiffened again, all but screamed 'NO,' and basically dropped where you see her now and started rocking. That's when I called you. I've tried to talk to her or get her attention over and over again, but she won't respond. Carmen and Eleazar tried, as well. She just keeps saying the same thing over and over again, 'I can't see. I can't see'."

Moving in front of her, I took a firm hold on her upper arms. "Alice? Alice darlin' can you hear me?"

"I can't see ... " she muttered again as she continued to rock with her eyes still closed.

"Open your eyes and look at me, Alice," I instructed.

Her eyes opened, but she looked right through me as she continued to rock. "I can't ... " she whispered. It did not escape my notice that she had changed her statement slightly for the first time and now her voice shook slightly. My brain began to process what she had said.

She couldn't be ... it wasn't possible. Was it?

I focused all my attention and my abilities on Alice's emotions. Panic, sadness, confusion, and terror swept over me. The emotions coming off of her were so powerful and overwhelming, it was all I could do to keep from drowning in them myself.

Keeping a mental grip on my own emotions and a physical grip on her, I started to send every bit of calm and soothing emotion I possessed at her. Although vampires couldn't sleep or be unconscious, what I was doing now was akin to a vampire tranquilizer, and was as close as we could come to it. If Alice had been human, it would have been more than enough to render her unconscious. As it was, the rocking and the muttering stopped and she sagged into my arms, but her eyes still stared blankly ahead. I told myself that it was at least an improvement, and I hoped she'd be a bit more lucid when I tried to speak to her.

"Alice?"

"Yes?" she said groggily.

"Do you know who I am?" She looked up to stare at me blankly, but then slowly, and much to my immense relief, she nodded. "Good, darlin', now what's my name?"

Once again, her answer was a little slow but the word was clear. "Jasper."

"That's right." I took a breath and then let it out again before I asked the question I was dreading. "Alice... honey, are your eyes blind?"

I heard everyone gathered around us me gasp at my suggestion. As for Alice, she blinked rapidly at me, and I didn't need to be empathic to know that had she been human, tears would have been falling down her cheeks; her expression said it all. And my hypothesis was confirmed when she slowly nodded. I felt her panic trying to rise again, and I fought it back to keep her calm.

Holding her against me a little tighter, I looked up at everyone. "That's what she meant by 'I can't see.' Not her visions, she literally can't see with her eyes. I'm guessing when she realized it, she was overwhelmed and panicking, which is why she wouldn't respond to anyone until I could get her to calm down."

"That's crazy," Rose said. "How can she just go blind? I swear to you, Jasper, she wasn't injured in any way. We went hunting, then came back here. One minute she was fine and then the next, she wasn't."

"No one is doubting you, Rose." I looked at Alice and my soul broke for the fractured look on her face. "I have no idea how it could happen. All I know is what I see and feel and what she tells me."

"Both," Alice murmured.

"What's that, darlin'?" I asked gently. "What's both?"

"No visions."

"I frowned. You mean your visions have been affected too? You can't see with your eyes, but you can't see any visions either?" She slowly nodded.

"What the hell could cause that?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know, I've never heard of such a thing," I said feeling like I was repeating myself with that answer. "Eleazar, you were with the Volturi for quite a while, have you ever seen anything like this?"

He shook his head. "No, I've seen something change in a vampire if they were injured and even then it's only temporary until they can heal, but I've never seen a sense or a gift just spontaneously go out like this. Theoretically, if one or more of her eyes had been physically separated from her body and burned or lost so it couldn't regenerate, she could be blind, but it still wouldn't affect her second sight. In any case, I imagine for a vampire losing a sense, whether it be mental or physical would be highly traumatic."

I nodded. What he said made sense, and it was likely why Alice was so distraught. We were nearly immortal beings and when we were injured, healed quickly unless ripped apart and burned. Losing something like the ability to see or hear would be disconcerting at best, devastating at worst. And Alice had apparently lost two senses, it was no wonder she was panicking.

I looked at Rose. "What were the two of you talking about before this happened?"

"Bella and Edward's wedding and about the new cottage. Alice said she had some new ideas for both and couldn't wait to talk to Esme about them."

I considered that. "So, she was probably thinking about Esme or maybe Bella," I guessed. "At the very least, thinking about home."

Alice started murmuring again. "Red, all red."

"What's red, honey?"

"Everything. I can't ... can't stop it."

"You mean all you see is red? Both in your regular vision and your second sight?" She nodded.

Rose frowned. "Wait, if she was thinking about Esme and Bella, didn't her recent visions of them have red in them? Could this red be related?" she hypothesized. "Maybe like a new threat." Her expression darkened. "Maybe a bigger threat?"

I didn't like where her thoughts were going, but I couldn't fault her logic. "Maybe. At this point, it's as good a guess as any, I suppose. You know as well as I do that we don't always understand Alice's visions, even she doesn't always understand them." I looked down at my beloved mate and gently brushed some hair back from her face. Her urge to panic was still fighting against my calming emotions, but for the moment, I was winning and keeping her calm.

"Red, all red," she was still repeating softly.

"Darlin', do you think the red you're seeing is related to your other visions with red in them?"

Her murmuring stopped, but she was silent as she continued to stare out at nothing. I could feel her puzzlement, and I wondered if she was considering the question.

I could tell that everyone around us was getting anxious with her silence, so I nudged her gently. "Alice? Did you hear me?"

"I ... " was all she said before her voice trailed off and I could still feel her confusion and puzzlement, so I pressed her a bit more and restated the question.

"Could the red you're seeing now be tied to the red you were seeing when you had visions of Bella and Esme?"

"I ... " She began again, but no more words came out. Her mouth opened and closed a few more times, as if she was trying to speak, but either couldn't find the words or couldn't force them out.

I let out a frustrated sigh and opened my own mouth to tell everyone I didn't know if it was related or not when she finally spoke.

"Yes."

My head snapped back to her. "So, you do think it's related?"

"Yes," she said more emphatically now. "Yes!" Then she sucked in a breath and I felt a new wave of horror coming off of her.

"What? What is it, Alice?"

"The red, the red," she all but chanted it.

"What about it? What about the red?"

"I think ... " she said, but her voice trailed off again.

"What darlin'? What do you think?"

She looked up at me again, but her gaze continued to go right through me, so I knew she still couldn't see.

"I think the red is Victoria, but it's also ... "

Her voice trailed off, and I suspected that she didn't want to say the words, lest they become reality.

"Also what?"

" ... fire."

TBC...

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><p>Dun, dun, dun! So something is definitely coming. As I said chapter 42 is all but in the can so it will definitely be up in 2 weeks. Thanks to everyone that has stuck with me on this story, I figure there are about 10 chapters left in this story (famous last words, I know). See you in 2 weeks!<p> 


	42. Chapter 42

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

_**Author's Note:**_ Thanks to everyone who is reading this story and have added me and this story to their favorites. And a double-mega thanks to those that have sent feedback. As promised, here is the next chapter.

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><p><em><strong>PLEASE NOTE:<strong>_ For some, this chapter is a little tough to read at times. There are NO character deaths, NO rape or sexual assault or anything like that but it is a little gruesome at times and there is some bad mojo going down. Let me just remind you of two things you should already know, first, I'm all about the happy endings so hang in there and we will get there eventually, I swear and second, vampire limbs can be reconnected if torn off as long as they are not burned... I'm just saying.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 41: <strong>_Edward left Bella a note before he left to go into New York City to get a surprise for her. In Alaska, Alice began to have issues with her visions in that all she could see was red. With Jasper calming her down they began to suspect that her 'red' visions were intensifying and that the threat to Bella from Victoria could be coming to a head. In addition to the 'red' maybe symbolizing Victoria, they also think that 'red' could symbolize fire.

Here we go...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 42<strong>_

**ESME**

"What do you think of this one?" I asked Bella pointing to another wedding dress in the magazine we were looking through at the dining room table. I'd cleared the blue prints and other plans for the cottage off the table long before she'd gotten out of bed, so she wouldn't suspect.

She eyed the dress in the picture for a moment. "Hmm, I like the bodice on it, and the sleeves, but I think the skirt and the train are too elaborate. Knowing me, I'd trip over it."

I smiled. "Okay, well, there are plenty more. I'm sure we'll find something that will work."

Bella sighed. "I suppose I should be ready for Alice to drag me all over the place looking for a dress when she gets back."

"Probably." I patted her knee sympathetically. "But don't worry, Rose and I will be there to help reign her in."

"I just wish she'd realize that it's not the dress or any of the other wedding details that are important to me, all that really matters to me is that Edward is waiting at the end of the aisle."

"She knows that; we all do," I told her sympathetically. "But we are talking about Alice after all. She's all about the details, and goodness knows, the girl can throw a terrific party, or in this case, a wedding."

"Maybe the next place we move to Alice should start her own business as a party planner or a wedding coordinator." Bella said with a laugh. "No Bridezilla would stand a chance against her."

Something in my chest expanded pleasantly as I watched her. She must have caught me staring because her laughter faded and she looked at me quizzically. "What is it? Did I say something wrong?"

I took her hand in mine. "No honey, of course not. I'm just so happy for you and Edward, and it's wonderful to hear you laugh again. And what's more, I love that you said the next place 'we' move to." I gave her hand a squeeze. "Not too long ago, you would have had a different response. I'm so glad that you finally trust us enough to recognize that you are indeed part of this family and that we'll never leave you again."

Bella smiled at me, but there was just a hint of something in her eyes. Something a little sad, and I didn't think it was about us leaving her the first time. Using her free hand, she closed the cover of the magazine and then toyed with the corner of the it.

"Oh, no, now I feel as if _I've_ said something wrong," I told her.

She laughed, but again, there was a tinge of sadness in it. "No, you didn't say anything wrong, Esme. What you said means a lot to me," she said. Then she blew out a breath and the words that followed came out in a rush. "And hey, in a few years, I can be the family grandmother; that's something you definitely haven't had before."

Where had that come from? "What do you mean?" I asked frowning at her.

"Just forget it. I'm being stupid," she said pulling open the magazine again. "Let's look at some more dresses."

I squeezed her hand. "Please tell me what I've said to make you so upset."

"It's nothing, and I'm not upset."

"Bella ... " I said softly, hoping to encourage her.

"It really isn't anything you said, I just ... " Her shoulders slumped and she let out a breath as her head dropped forward so her hair hid her face from me as she continued. "I meant that because Edward is against me being changed, it won't be long before I'll grow into an old woman. But, at least I can take comfort in the fact that I'll be a Cullen while I do it."

My frown deepened, this was news to me. I was under the impression that Edward wanted to change Bella, but he didn't think she wanted it. "Edward said he didn't want to change you? Recently?"

"No, not recently," she admitted. "It's pretty much the one thing we don't talk about ... ever."

"Why not?"

"Because things have been going so well between us, I don't want to rock the boat, so I don't bring it up and he never brings it up, so I assume his feelings on it have not changed."

I was already 99.9% sure that she and Edward were having a colossal miscommunication, but I wanted to feel her out just a little more. "And just what do you think his feelings are on the subject?"

"He thinks he'd be taking away my soul," she replied. "But aside from the fact that I don't believe I would have to give up my soul to be like him - to be like all of you - what he doesn't realize is that even if that was the cost, I'd happily pay it if it meant I could be with him forever."

I could smell the salt in the air, and even though she was looking down and her hair was hiding her face, I knew she was either crying or her tears were imminent.

"Oh, honey," I said gathering her into my arms and pulling her into a hug. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I never wanted that."

"I know; it's not you. It just that sometimes it hits me, you know? I realize that I won't get my forever with him." Pulling back, she swiped at a tear and still wouldn't meet my gaze. "I know I'm being selfish and greedy. He asked me to marry him, and I know I should be satisfied with being his wife and with the time I will have with him and all of you." She laughed a little wetly. "But sometimes it's hard. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it too."

I thought about all the platitudes I could have given her, but I decided to go with simple truth. Rising from the table, I walked to the sideboard and pulled a tissue out of a box and brought it back to her. "Can I be honest with you?"

Wiping her eyes, she blew her nose and finally met my gaze. "Of course, Esme. I always want you to be honest with me."

I tried to make my words as kind as I could. "I think you're both being stupid."

Bella started to laugh. "Well, I suppose that's certainly honest."

"Okay, so that didn't come out quite like I wanted it to," I conceded. "What I'm really trying to say is that I think the first, the VERY first thing you need to do when Edward gets back from his errand tonight, is to sit down and talk to him about changing you."

She looked a little panicked at the idea. "But Esme, I told you he doesn't want that. It was always a bone of contention between us. What if I bring it up and he calls off the wedding or leaves me again?"

I sighed. We'd arrived at the exact source of the problem, Bella's abandonment issues, not that I could blame her, poor thing. After all she'd been through, anyone would have issues.

"He won't," I said simply.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because he loves you and you're not the only one who's changed since we left Forks." I cupped her cheek and brushed away a tear she'd missed. "Bella, I think if you'll find the courage to talk to him about this, you'll discover that he's not as adamant as he once was on this topic, just the opposite actually. I'm sure that Edward being Edward is still carrying some guilt over all you've been through, but in my opinion, he's waiting for a sign from you that you still want that forever with him. Unless I miss my guess, he hasn't said anything to you about it because he wants you to make the decision freely and with no pressure from him."

I paused while she considered that, but when she didn't say anything, I sighed and gave her my best motherly stare. "Bella, did you know that, according to my husband, he recently told Edward that the secret to a solid relationship is good communication?"

She nodded. "Yes, Edward told me about that and how Carlisle said we can't hold things back just because we're worried about how the other person might react."

"Yes, well, my husband is a very bright man," I told her with a smirk. "But, you know, by not talking about this issue, that's exactly what you and Edward are doing."

"But ... but ..." she stammered. "This is different."

"How is it different?"

"Because ... " she began, clearly searching for a reason. "Because ... " She sighed. "Because I'm scared."

I gave her a soft smile. "I know you are, honey and I understand that. But you still need to talk it through with him and tell him how you feel."

She seemed to consider that. "Well ... " she began.

Any further words were cut off by the ringing of my cell phone in the kitchen. "Just think about it," I said as I went to retrieve my phone. I saw from the display it was Jasper. "Hello, Jasper. How are ... "

That was as far as I got before he cut me off. "Esme, are you and Bella all right?"

I frowned as I walked back into the dining room where Bella was still sitting at the table. She'd opened the bridal magazine back up again, but given that her fingers were drawing abstract shapes on the pages, I could tell that she wasn't really looking at it.

"Yes, Jasper, we're fine. Why?"

I could hear air whooshing around the phone as he replied as if they were outdoors. "It's a little hard to explain, but we're on our way home right now."

"But I thought you were coming home tomorrow?"

"We were, but there have been ... developments that I don't want to go into right now. We're running to Anchorage and Rose is chartering a jet to fly us directly to New York. If all goes as planned we should be home in about six hours."

If they were running, that would explain the whooshing sound as the air rushed past them. Jasper wasn't the least bit out of breath as he spoke. Like the rest of us, physical exertion did not tax him, and the fact that he didn't actually need to breathe kept his voice steady as they ran.

I could, however, detect the note of concern and even a little fear in his voice and it made my stomach drop. Jasper was usually very level headed and not an alarmist by any means so his behavior now meant that it was not without solid cause.

"What's going on, Jasper?" I asked. "Are you all right?"

"We're fine, well, mostly fine," he said cryptically. It was the only part of my question he actually answered before launching another question at me. "Are Edward and Carlisle with you?"

"No. Edward had to run an errand and won't be back until late this afternoon or early this evening. Carlisle is still at the hospital. His shift finishes up in a couple hours."

I heard Jasper swear, something that he never did, at least not that I'd ever heard him. Emmett swore on a regular basis, even though he knew I didn't like it. Jasper, however, with his proper Southern upbringing, was much more careful with his language. The fact that he was breaking that pattern now was another indicator that the situation was indeed serious.

"Esme, I need you to do something for me. It's going to sound like a strange request, but you need to do it and not ask questions. I promise to explain when we get there."

I glanced at Bella who was frowning up at me in confusion and concern. I patted her shoulder and gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile, which wasn't easy as I fighting not to panic myself. "All right. What is it?"

"I need you to take Bella, right now and leave the house. Don't take anything with you, just go. I want you take one of the cars in the garage. Get in the car without opening the garage door so no one sees you getting into it. Have Bella lay down in the floor of the backseat and cover her with a blanket before you open the door and drive out. Then, staying in well-populated areas, I want you to drive around for an hour or so. When you're sure that no one is following you, I want you to find a hotel, get a room, leave Bella there, and tell her not to call anyone and not to open the door to anyone but you or one of us. Then, go leave the car in some random parking lot, like at a grocery store or a mall, so no one can trace the car to the hotel. After you've done that, go back to Bella. When you get there, stay in the hotel room with her until Carlisle, Edward, or one of us gets there. Do you understand?"

Suddenly, the whole situation felt a bit surreal; as if I'd been dropped into a James Bond movie and I didn't know my lines. "Jasper, what the heck is going ... "

He cut me off, and while he wasn't yelling, his voice was VERY firm and he sounded every inch a military leader when he spoke. "DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND."

I swallowed and nodded, which was silly because he couldn't see me. "Yes, I understand," I finally said, hoping my voice wasn't shaking as much as I thought it was; the last thing I wanted to do was panic Bella. "Do I call and let you know where we end up?"

"No, either Edward, Carlisle, or one of us will call you so, be sure to take your phone and the charger. You can tell us then."

"Okay, I'll ... "

Just then, I saw a shadow move in my periphery, and before I could even fully turn around to investigate, the glass doors at the back of the house exploded and Bella screamed.

**EDWARD **

Coming out of jewelers, I stepped into the late morning light and walked to the car feeling satisfied that I'd accomplished my task, but slightly uncomfortable with my surroundings. On the one hand, the appointment with the jeweler had gone well and he would be able to fulfill my request to have all the pieces done in a week. But on the other hand, I was reminded of why I normally avoided crowded cities. So many minds with so many thoughts pressed in on me, and it took a lot of concentration to keep them from overwhelming me. I would be happy to see the city in my review mirror as I left it behind. As a source of almost unconscious comfort, I found myself toying with Bella's ring where it rested on my pinky finger.

Nearing the car, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Pulling it out, I saw it was Jasper. "Hello?" I said answering the call.

"Edward? Where are you?" he asked urgently.

Frowning at his tone and answered him. "I'm in Manhattan. I just met with a jeweler regarding some pieces for Bella and ... "

"DAMN IT!" He almost screamed into the phone and I started to get a very bad feeling.

"Why? What's wrong?" I demanded moving quickly to the car and getting in. There was a long pause from the other end, but I could still hear the sounds on the other end of the phone, so I knew the connection had not been lost. "Jasper?! Answer me."

"Something's happened," he said.

"What? What's happened?"

"I'm not sure. There's something going on with Alice and we decided to come home now instead of tomorrow because we thought there might be a new threat to Bella."

Anger, dread and panic flooded me. "What threat?!" I demanded.

"We think something with Victoria, but we're not sure, Alice is having issues with her visions and can't tell for certain, but ... " His voice trailed off.

"But WHAT?!"

"As a precaution, we called Esme and told her to take Bella and leave the house until someone else could get there." There was another pause.

I felt like I was coming out of my skin. "AND?!" I almost screamed into the phone as I waited for the other shoe to drop.

"We were on the phone with Esme when we heard a crash, then someone screamed and the phone cut off. We haven't been able to get them back either on her cell phone or on the land line to the house."

I didn't even think, I just climbed back out of the car and started running down the middle of the street, dodging around or jumping over any vehicle, pedestrian or other obstruction in my path. I was going so fast that if anyone did happen to see me, they would see nothing but a very faint blur or more likely just feel an odd breeze as I passed them. I knew that I could run back to Ithaca faster than I could fight the traffic to drive back.

I didn't care about the car. It could be stolen or towed or wrecked for all I cared. My only concern was getting to Bella. I knew I shouldn't have left her and Carlisle would never forgive me if something happened to Esme. But no, I couldn't think about that or the huge yawning emptiness that was opening in my chest at the thought of Bella being hurt or even worse. If I allowed myself to think about it, I knew I would crumble. Instead, I put all my energy into running as fast as I could and I was already nearing the Lincoln Tunnel that would take me out of mid-town Manhattan and into New Jersey.

Although the traffic was already backed up going into the tunnel, I breezed past everyone and headed for the yawning mouth of the closest of the three tubes that comprised the tunnel, but I knew that once I got inside I would lose a cell signal.

"Jasper, I'm going through the tunnel, I'll call you back just as soon as I get on the other side."

Without waiting for an answer, I hung up. Even though I could have just run up through the cars like I had in the city, it was faster and easier to use the small fenced walkway that ran along one side of the tube. Under normal circumstances, I was sure it was illegal for anyone but authorized maintenance and emergency personnel to use it, but now it was perfect for getting me through the tunnel as quickly as possible. Checking my phone, I saw that, indeed, I had lost any signal to my phone, but as soon as I saw daylight and New Jersey at the end of the tunnel, and saw that I had cell service again, I called Jasper back. He answered on the first ring and I spoke before he could.

"Did you call Carlisle?" I asked. "He's closest, he could be at the house in about ten minutes. Even at top speed it, will take me hours."

"We've been trying to reach him. The hospital said he's in surgery."

I swore. "We'll both keep trying, leave message after message, maybe they'll get tired of hearing from us and get him on the phone. Whomever gets a hold of him, should tell him to get home as fast as he can. What is Alice seeing? What has you so concerned?" I asked, desperately reaching for any kind of news or clue as to what was happening at home.

"That's just it. She can't see anything but red. Both her normal vision and her second sight are red. I'm having to carry her because she can't see to walk on her own. She can't really see anything specific, not even shapes really, just the red, but she thinks it's related to Victoria and maybe fire."

"Fire?" I said suddenly finding it hard to swallow. "We used a fire to burn James in the ballet studio."

Jasper swore. We both seemed to be doing a lot of that during this conversation. "I hadn't even thought of that. You don't suppose ... " His voice trailed off.

It didn't matter. I knew what he was going to say. Would Victoria use the same method to finish off Bella or Esme that we had used to destroy James? Again, I shoved the thought away or else I would go completely mad. I had to keep hold of my senses and my emotions if I was going to be of any help to Bella.

"Jasper, does Rose have her phone with her?"

He appeared to be taken aback by the question. "Uh, yes, she just used it to call and book us a private jet."

"Good. Have her call the authorities in Ithaca and tell them that she was on the phone with Esme when she heard an intruder breaking in and now we can't contact the house. Hell, tell them that there is a fire, flood, terrorists, or a ticking nuclear bomb at the house if you have to. Whatever it takes to get them out there in mass. Hopefully, if Victoria is still there she won't want to hang around when they show up."

"Either that or she'll just slaughter them all," Jasper said dryly, but he quickly relayed the instructions to Rose. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to keep trying to get a hold of Carlisle and I'm going to run like hell."

**BELLA**

Why did I have to go and think this felt like it was going to be a good day? I should have known that was going to jinx it.

One minute I was sitting at the dining room table looking through bridal magazines and trying to decide if I should broach the subject of my change with Edward, and the next thing I knew glass was flying everywhere and Esme was yanking me out of my chair and shoving me behind her. Luckily, the glass was tempered, so I didn't think I'd gotten cut.

"Esme? What ... ?" I began as I peeked around her to see what had sent the glass flying.

And I really wish I hadn't.

The two large sliding glass doors at the back of the house had disintegrated, I assume when our visitors had burst through them, and glass was sprinkled over almost every surface in the surrounding area.

Now, standing in front of us, stood a smirking Victoria and a very menacing looking red-eyed man that I didn't recognize. Although he was on the lean side and not nearly as well built as any of the Cullen men, he exuded cold, hard anger. I watched as he walked forward and picked up Esme's cell phone where she'd dropped it. Even without super hearing, I could hear Jasper yelling for Esme on the other end of the phone. Without another word, the man crushed the phone in his hand and let the pieces drop to the floor.

As for Victoria, she looked just as I remembered her. Fiery red hair and eyes - eyes that were dead and cold except for the expectant gleam in them as she cocked her head at me.

Crap, we were in serious trouble. Esme might have been able to take on Victoria, but I knew she was no match for the both of them. Edward was apparently very far away, Carlisle was not due home from the hospital for a couple of hours, and the rest of the family was in Alaska. We were most likely on our own.

Victoria smiled, but it was not a pleasant expression. "Hello, Bella," she said in her high, little girl voice. "Long time no see."

"What are you doing here?" Esme all but growled it as she kept her body between me and them.

Victoria turned an annoyed glance at Esme. "Oh, come now. Let's not play games. You know that I'm here for her. Taking her is the best way I can think of to pay back your family for what they did to James."

"We only killed him because we had to," Esme said. "He would have killed her or the rest of us if we hadn't."

She shrugged. "And so what if he had killed her? It's what we do. If you freaks didn't try to fight your nature, you'd understand. Admit it, she's a pet to you. A novelty."

I couldn't help but feel a little stab of pain at Victoria's words. What she was saying was exactly some of what I had felt during the very lowest times after Edward had left me. However, Esme's words took that pain away.

"No, she's not!" Esme said vehemently. "She is my daughter, Edward's mate, and a part of this family."

The man snorted. "His mate? How can she be a mate to a vampire? She's a weak little human. He probably can't even kiss her without breaking something. What kind of life is that?"

I wasn't going to try and contradict him. There was no way I was going to expound on my physical relationship with Edward, so I remained quiet.

"Riley makes a good point," Victoria said with a smirk. "But even if you actually believe what you're saying, it doesn't matter. To us, she just a tasty little snack." She laughed, and the sound scared me to the tips of my toes. "Well, actually to me, she's how I am going to exact my revenge on your precious Edward and the rest of your family, but you get the idea."

"How did you find us?" Esme asked.

I had the distinct impression she was trying to stall for time. It occurred to me then that maybe when Jasper had been cut off, he'd do something to get us some help. Maybe he could get a hold of Carlisle and not all hope was lost.

"A certain little bird that owed me a favor told me where you were living," she explained. "We've been watching your house for days waiting for the right moment."

Esme shook her head. "You can't have been here for days. Once of us would have seen you or picked up your scent when we were out hunting."

She laughed. "You call what you do, hunting? Chasing bunnies and kittens through the woods and subsisting on their blood rather than embracing your true nature? You really are all pathetic," she sneered. "As for how we watched you, did you know that your next closest neighbor has an attic with a window that has a perfect view of your house?"

When Esme didn't say anything, Victoria continued. "No, I don't suppose you did. We snuck into the house while the old crone who lives there was out shopping, and we mounted a camera in the window so we could watch you remotely without your precious Edward reading our minds. We already knew most of the family was still in Alaska, including the fortune teller, so when we saw the good doctor leave for the hospital last night and dear Edward leave early this morning, we knew it was time to come pay a visit."

Her gaze shifted back to me. "And now, I think we'll take what we came for and be on our way."

"No, you can't have her," Esme said in her most mother bear voice.

Victoria sighed. "Tsk, tsk. There is really nothing I hate more than to be told what I can and cannot do." She turned to her companion. "Riley, could you show Mrs. Cullen what we do to people to try and tell me what to do?"

The only warning I had was a blast of air and then Esme was gone from in front of me and sailing through the one remaining large window in the room. Rather than a sliding door, it was a large plate glass window that overlooked the backyard and Esme screamed as Riley threw her out through the window and into the yard. She quickly tried to get to her feet, but Riley was there towering over her and he stomped on her back with his booted foot, shoving her face first into the ground and holding her there.

"RUN BELLA!" she screamed.

Somehow, part of my brain followed her command instantly and I turned to flee, but before I could even take a step, Victoria was there, grabbing me by my ponytail and yanking me against her. "Oh, no, pet, you're not going anywhere. I've got plans for you."

"Edward will come after you," I gritted out over the pain of what felt like her trying to tear nearly every hair out of my head. "In fact they all will; you won't get away with this."

She laughed and seemed unconcerned with my threat. "Why don't you just let me worry about that, all right? Like I said, I've got plans and that includes dealing with all of the Cullens. You're only the beginning."

Yanking me by the hair, Victoria dragged me outside just in time to see Riley tear Esme's right arm off with a horrible metallic grinding noise. Esme screamed in agony and let out a dry sob as he flung her arm far away into the forest.

"NO! ESME!" I screamed and tried to rush to her, but Victoria yanked on my hair like a master pulling an unruly dog back by its leash.

"You stay right here and enjoy the show." She leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Don't worry. You'll get your turn."

"That's for thinking you could tell her what to do," Riley spat at Esme as he ground his boot into the shattered end of Esme's arm and made her scream again.

"No! PLEASE, I'll go with you!" I screamed as tears streamed down my face. "Just please don't hurt her anymore!"

"You're going with us anyway, so I'll do what I want," Victoria sneered as she shoved me down to my knees and continued to grip my hair to keep me by her side.

Esme looked at me from her place on the ground, her expression broken and her eyes bright with tears she couldn't shed. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you, Bella."

I swallowed around the tears that were thick in my throat. "It's not you fault, Esme. You tried. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

"How touching," Victoria mocked. "Now, on to more pressing matters. What exactly do we do with you dear Mrs. Cullen?"

"Please don't hurt her anymore," I begged.

"Be quiet," she snapped. "I'm tired of listening to you whine."

"But please, she didn't do anything to you. She wasn't even in Phoenix when James was killed. You ... "

"I SAID BE QUIET!" she screamed at me.

In a move that I never expected or saw coming, Victoria dropped my hair and backhanded me. I heard something crack and pain exploded through my face as the force of her blow threw me back a few feet to land on my back. Stunned, I laid there looking up at the cloudy sky unable to move for a moment. The pain was so enormous, I couldn't tell if it was centered at my cheek, my jaw, or somewhere else on that side of my head, but whatever the source, I was pretty sure something was broken. The heated throbbing in my face was unreal, and I could already feel it begin to swell. I seriously doubted I would be able to move my mouth or talk without considerable pain.

"Now that we've shut her up, we need to deal with you," I heard Victoria say to Esme.

Sitting up didn't really seem like an option, so through no small feet, I managed to turn my head so that the uninjured side of my face was on the grass and I could see what was happening. Victoria was standing between me and Esme, tapping her foot impatiently. Esme however, wasn't looking at Victoria, her eyes were solidly on me. The sorrow for what was happening was naked in her eyes. Even though quite a bit of space separated us, I reached my hand out to her and she did the same with her remaining arm.

"Tell Edward I love him," I managed to whisper brokenly and not without a ridiculous amount of pain.

Esme nodded to let me know she'd heard me. I tried to smile reassuringly at her, but the motion sent another flash of pain through my face, so I think it came out as more of a grimace as Victoria continued her little speech.

"You see, Esme, as much as I might want to, I can't just kill you. I need someone to tell the others who did this," she said. "But, I also can't have you following us." She seemed to be considering something. "Hmm, Riley, I think the left leg should do it."

Already knowing what was coming, I opened my mouth to scream, but the pain that simple movement caused stole my breath until all the came out was a choked gasp. I watched in horror as Riley reached down and coldly twisted off Esme's left leg right above the knee. Along with the metallic screeching sound that accompanied the amputation, were Esme's agonized screams of pain. As he'd done with her arm, Riley threw her leg far off into the forest but this time in the opposite direction as her arm.

Esme was gasping and dry sobbing as Victoria dusted off her hands like she'd done an especially hard days work and was now proud of the results. "Well, I think that should do it. With an arm and a leg missing there's no way you'll be able to follow us."

Without another glance at the gasping and agonized Esme, Victoria walked back to me. "Riley, go take care of that other bit of business we talked about."

He nodded and stalked back into the house. There was the sound of crashing and things breaking, but I couldn't see exactly what he was doing. Still dazed from Victoria hitting me, and intent on trying to figure out what Riley was doing, I didn't notice Victoria coming toward me until she jerked me up into a sitting position. With the damage to my face and what was probably a concussion, pain shot through my head, and the world spun crazily with the quick change in position, and I hoped that my stomach didn't revolt. Although, I had to admit the idea of throwing up on Victoria's shoes was a little appealing.

But my stomach contents stayed where they were, and after a moment, the world righted itself, at least to a degree, and I looked toward the house to see Riley striding back over to us.

"Is it done?" Victoria asked.

"Oh, yeah," he said with a big toothy grin.

"Good, then pick her up and let's go."

Riley picked me up and threw me over his shoulders like a bag of cement. Hanging upside down like that made my face and head throb and darkness edged into my vision.

Vaguely, I saw Victoria pull something from her pocket and drop it on the ground next to Esme. "You tell your precious Edward that I'll call him."

With that, Victoria started for the woods with Riley on her heels. There were two images I saw before darkness filled my vision and I passed out.

One, was Esme lying on the ground screaming for me with her remaining hand upraised as if trying to reach for me.

And two were the thick plumes of dark smoke that had begun to rise from the house as it started to burn.

TBC...

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><p>I know, I know, it's a horrible place to stop. Please don't hurt me! The next couple of chapters will be very dark for our heroes. I hope you'll hang in there with me.<p>

And hey, at least now you know why I made the comment about the ability to reattach vampire appendages even after they've been torn off. Next up will be Carlisle's point of view as he gets out of surgery and finds that the world had dropped out from under him.

Now I'm going to hide in the bunker. See you in 2 weeks!


	43. Chapter 43

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Ha! You didn't think I was going to post today, did you? Well, I live on the West Coast and it's not quite 11 pm here, so it's still Saturday (cutting it close, I know). I want to send out an extra special thank you to my beta Im2xshy. She's the reason you got a chapter tonight. I got the chapter finished this morning and she did the beta for me with a super-duper quick turnaround.

This chapter is a somewhat transitional one and while it will answer some of your questions, it will not answer others. I hope you enjoy it anyway. I'm doing my best to update every two weeks so I don't leave you hanging for too long.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 42: <strong>_Victoria and Riley showed up at the house and attacked Bella and Esme. Meanwhile, Alice's vision went haywire and Jasper called Esme to check on them just as the attack was happening. Jasper called Edward who was in New York City and he started running for home. Carlisle was in surgery so they couldn't get him on the phone. The chapter ended with Victoria and Riley carry Bella off as the house began to burn and a badly injured Esme was left behind in the back yard.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 43<strong>_

**CARLISLE**

Stripping off my bloody gloves and the soiled protective gown I was wearing, I tossed everything into the biohazard container. Although I had gone through the medical training for surgery, I didn't perform it very often, and so today's appendectomy was an interesting change.

Oddly enough, it wasn't the pronounced presence of blood that was behind my lack of regular surgical experience. I always hunted before I had to work so my control would be at it's strongest and to be honest, I just didn't find surgery to be to my liking. What I really enjoyed was the face-to-face interaction with patients, and I didn't get as much of that with being a full time surgeon. Then, there was also the fact that I was usually the chief of staff at most of the hospitals I worked in, including the current one, and that meant that I always had staff under me that handled most of the surgeries.

The reason for performing it today was that all of the hospital's on-call staff surgeons had already been in surgery operating on a number of patients that had been injured in a nasty car accident when another patient came into the ER presenting with a severely inflamed appendix that needed to be removed immediately.

Fortunately, I had been able to perform the appendectomy laparoscopically, which had involved using a number of small incisions rather than opening up the entire abdomen. It meant less blood loss, and therefore, less of strain for me to control my thirst, and more importantly, a quicker recovery time for the patient. It had also given me a chance to give one of the newer residents some surgical experience. The surgery had gone well, and I was pleased to say that I expected the patient to make a full and speedy recovery.

After washing up, I checked on said patient in recovery and was pleased with his progress. As I neared the surgical nurses desk, Karen, the lead nurse on duty, greeted me.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen. I understand the surgery went well."

"Textbook, Karen, and your surgical nurses performed flawlessly."

She smiled. "Glad to hear it. Oh, I meant to tell you, your family has been trying to get a hold of you."

I frowned. "Was it my wife?"

She looked down at a message slip before handing it to me. "No, your sons, Jasper and Edward. They both said there was some type of emergency at your home and asked that you call them right away."

I stared down at the slip and saw the same message she had just verbally relayed to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind an alarm began to sound. Edward and especially Jasper, were not alarmists, so for them to use the word 'emergency' did not bode well.

But why hadn't Esme called? Surely if something had happened she would have called me. Maybe she'd called my cell phone. Yes, that must be it. I'd left my cell phone in my office before going into surgery; she must have called me on it rather than bothering the hospital staff.

Trying not to worry prematurely, I thanked Karen and left the surgical area to head back to my office. Since the corridor outside recovery was empty, I turned on the speed, going fast enough that I would be invisible to anyone looking. Entering my office, I closed the door and snatched up my cell phone.

Immediately, I could see there were numerous missed calls and voicemail messages from both Edward and Jasper, but still none from Esme.

I probably should have called Jasper or Edward back first, but I needed to hear Esme's voice and have her assure me that she was fine. Selecting the speed dial button for her phone, I listened to the ring go unanswered and then go to voicemail. Doing the same with the house phone, I got no answer at all, just a continued ringing when even the answering machine didn't pick up. That couldn't be right. Even if she and Bella weren't at home or screening any calls that came in, the answering machine would have picked up.

My brain refused to process the implications of the unanswered the phone. Automatically, I switched to dialing Edward's cell phone. He picked up on the first ring. I knew he'd gone into the City today to get a wedding present for Bella, but city sounds were not what I heard. Instead, there was the sound of air rushing as if he were talking out the phone while he was running.

"CARLISLE?!"

"Edward? What's going on?" I asked. "I just got out of surgery and ... "

He cut me off. "You have to get home NOW."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Something's happened with Alice's vision, and Jasper got worried so he called Esme. He was on the phone with her when it sounded like someone was breaking into the house. After that, the line went dead, and we haven't been able to reach her or Bella. When we tried to call you and were told you were in surgery, Rose called anyone she could think of including the fire department and the police to get someone out there."

I wanted to ask him more questions, but I knew that what I needed to do was get to the house and find out what was going on. "I'm going right now."

"I'm on my way home, but it will take me a couple of hours to get there. Alice, Jasper, and the rest are on their way home, too, and should be here by this evening," he told me. Since I didn't hear the sounds of the car, I guessed that he was indeed running home, which I knew would have been faster for him given the traffic he would have likely encountered otherwise.

"I understand; I will call you as soon as I know something."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, then Edward spoke, and I could hear fear, guilt and pain in his voice. "Carlisle, what if Bella ... "

I know I needed to say something to reassure him, but I didn't want to lie or give him false hope when I had no idea what I was going to find when I got to the house. "Don't go there yet, Edward. We don't know what's happened, let me get home and find out."

What I didn't say and, wouldn't let myself dwell on, was the fact that if Bella were dead, Esme was most likely dead along with her. Esme would never allow anyone to hurt Bella without a fight, but I couldn't think about that and remain in control. Everyone was counting on me to be their eyes, and so I had to be strong right now for Edward, for the family ... and Esme.

There was another little pause from Edward's end. "All right. Call me when you know," was all he said before he hung up.

Grabbing my keys, I called down to the main nurses station, but before I could say much, the nurse was relaying the same message that that Karen had given me, to which I replied that there was, indeed, an emergency at home, and I was leaving, and that she would need to contact another doctor to cover for me for the couple of hours left in my shift. Without waiting to hear her response, I hung up and was out of the building in a shot.

Since I wouldn't face the traffic Edward would have, I opted to drive home instead of run, and while I was normally the most sedate driver in the family, I broke just about every speeding law there was between the hospital and our neighborhood. I say neighborhood and not house because I never actually got the car close to the house.

I was within a mile or so of the house when I smelled and saw the smoke rising into the sky.

Pulling over a few blocks from the house, I climbed out of the car and drew in a deep breath. I tried to comfort myself with the fact that the smoke was black and not purple, and I couldn't detect the telltale scent of burning vampire flesh, but I knew that was no guarantee that Bella or Esme were still alive. The dense black smoke from the house could have been masking the smell and the color of the smoke I worried most about.

Running closer to the house, what I saw nearly brought me to my knees. A fire was raging out of control in the house, and it looked like it was be a total loss. Already parts of it were reduced to rubble, rather than the multi-story building it had been. I could even see the burned out hulks of our cars that had been in the garage as it burned down. Among them was Esme's car, or what was left of it, so I knew she or Bella had not taken it anywhere before the fire had started.

If Esme and Bella had been inside the house or the garage when it burned, there would have been no way they could have survived.

No, I couldn't not think that way; not yet. Don't assume, find the facts, my brain and my doctor's training screamed.

It occurred to me then that if I got too near the house, and the officials found out that I lived there, they would delay me with questions; questions I didn't have time to answer. Consequently, I decided to approach the house from the woods behind it rather than the front.

Ducking into the side yard of the nearest house, I made my way into the woods beyond and then began to make my way toward the house. At the edge of the woods that bordered the backyard of our house, I stopped and stared. The backside of the house was no better than the front. It was fully involved, and nearly all the glass windows at the back of the house had been shattered from the heat.

None of the fire department personnel had made it to the backside of the house yet, so I allowed my suddenly shaky legs to carry me forward. I had to know if Esme and/or Bella were still inside the inferno. Of course, exactly how I was going to ascertain that without actually going into the inferno, I didn't know.

And then, when was I standing in the middle of the yard trying to figure out what to do next, the wind shifted, and I smelled it.

Esme ...

The smell seemed to come from all directions, include the burning house, and for a moment, I wanted to hurl myself into the fire. If she was there, then I wanted to join her, as I no longer had a reason to exist.

Luckily, some finger of reason manage to make it's way into my shocked brain and stop me because in the next moment, I realized the smell was not a burning smell, but the smell of Esme's venom ... fresh venom, which would mean it was not coming from the house.

Empowered by that thought, I began to look around. There, just a few yards to my left was a damp patch in the grass. Human eyes probably wouldn't have seen it, but vampire vision could. Moving over to it, I dropped down to my knees and lightly touched the almost clear liquid, and then brought my fingers to my face. Inhaling deeply and then taking a taste, I nodded. Yes, it was Esme's.

Before I could get too happy about that fact though, I noticed what a large patch of venom it was. Like a human could bleed copiously when they had sustained a serious, life-threatening injury, vampires could exude venom the same way when they had been grievously injured. Given a vampire's healing abilities, it was unusual, but not unheard of. The only difference was that a vampire could 'bleed out' and still survive. They would be severely weakened, and would need to hunt to replenish their venom, but it was not fatal the way it was with humans.

It was then that I noticed the wet patch was not just in one spot, and instead of heading toward the house, it appeared to go off toward the woods. I also noticed that the grass going in that same direction had been disturbed like something had been dragged along that way. I'd been so fixated on the fire and the house, I hadn't noticed it before.

Could Esme or Bella have been dragged off?

Following the trail, which from the smell and color was still Esme's venom and not human blood, it led me back into the woods. Unfortunately, the trail disappeared shortly thereafter. On the one hand, that was probably a good sign, since it most likely meant that the wound or wounds had healed enough to stop oozing venom; but it also left me stymied as to where to go next. I could still smell Esme, but the breeze was strong enough that it was difficult to pinpoint which direction her scent was coming from.

"Esme?" I called out, figuring I had nothing to lose. Getting no response, I tried again. "Esme!"

"Carlisle ... "

I stopped and spun around. Had I really heard that or was it just the sound of the wind stirring the leaves in the trees? Even to my vampire hearing, it had been very faint, and I hoped to God it wasn't my mind playing tricks on me.

"Esme?!" I called again.

"Carlisle ... " It was still faint, but it definitely wasn't the wind in the trees. "I'm here."

"Keep talking, Esme." After a moment, I heard her start to repeat my name.

Using both her scent and the sound, I moved in the direction that both were the strongest. Out of the corner of my eye, near a large clump of bushes, my vampire vision saw a very small flash in the diffuse sunlight coming down through the trees. As I neared the spot, I realized it was Esme's wedding ring, and I all but dove for it. At first, I had thought it was lying by itself, but as I reached out to pick it up, I realized it was still on Esme's finger, but I hadn't been able to see it because her normally pale porcelain skin was dirty and her hand was half covered with leaves.

"Carlisle ... " her voice came weakly again, but now I knew without a doubt that it was coming from under the clump of bushes.

Relief flooded through me and renewed hope began to take root. Maybe she and Bella had hidden themselves before Victoria had arrived.

"Esme?" I asked, feeling my way from her hand to her arm and then up to her shoulder.

"I'm here," she repeated. "But ... you have to ... help me."

I frowned when it sounded like each word was an effort for her to get out. Rather than asking any useless questions, I gently put my hands under her shoulders and began to pull her out from under the bushes. First came her head, and I could see her face was nearly as dirty as her hand had been with grass stains going across her cheek. Then out came her torso and I gasped in horror when her other shoulder appeared, and I saw that her right arm was missing the bottom half of it.

I gripped her good hand in mine. "Oh, my God, Esme. What happened?"

Her eyelids fluttered open, and I saw that her usually gold eyes were nearly black with hunger and through the dirt on her face, I could see that the shadows under her eyes were so dark they looked more like bruises, both of which I assumed was due to the loss of venom. Squeezing my hand a weakly, she looked up at me and spoke in a weary but insistent voice. "I'll be all right."

"But your arm ... "

"You can ... fix it later." She paused as if gathering her strength. "Now you have ... to go after them."

"Go after who?"

"Victoria and the one ... helping her." She closed her eyes as if keeping them open was too much effort. "They took Bella."

My stomach dropped. Finding Esme had me hoping that Bella was stashed somewhere nearby, as well. It would kill Edward if anything happened to Bella. "Which way did they go?" I asked.

Esme slipped her hand from mine to point off in the distance, and then she dropped it back down beside her. "There. I was trying to ... follow them, but I was too weak ... and it's hard to ... move with my leg ... so I hid under the bushes until you or the others found me."

I frowned. Her leg? Peeking under the bush the concealed the lower half of her body, I saw exactly what she meant. Like her arm, the lower part of her left leg was missing.

I prided myself on being a calm, reasonable, generally pacifistic man, but seeing what had been done to my beloved Esme filled me with more rage than I could remember. I vowed that those who were responsible would pay and pay dearly. As much as I wanted to stay and tend to her, I knew she was right. She would be all right for a while longer, and if there was any chance I could still save Bella, I had to take it.

"How long ago did they leave?"

"Not sure," she said. "About twenty minutes, I think."

What I thought, but I didn't say, was that twenty minutes to a vampire could mean that they were a very long way away by now. "All right. I'm going to return you to your hiding place, and see if I can follow them."

She nodded. "I'll be here."

I started to ease her body back under the bushes, but then paused. "Esme, where are your arm and leg?"

Please don't let them be in the burning house, I silently prayed.

"Riley ... the one helping her ... threw them into the forest."

Relieved that they were still out there, and that once I found them, I could repair her injuries, I nodded and kissed her lips lightly before pushing the last of her body back under the bush. "I'll be back."

She didn't reply, but I didn't expect her to, as I started off in the direction she'd indicated. I imagined now that she had told me what had happened and therefore, transferred her burden to me, she would be trying to conserve the her energy until I could reattach her limbs, and she could replenish her venom.

Heading in the direction she had indicated, and not far from where I'd found Esme, I saw a small path leading through the forest and fresh footprints in the soft earth. Luckily, we'd had a little rain the night before and so the ground was fairly soft. I only saw two sets of prints, one small and delicate and the other much larger like a man's, so I presumed it was them and that one of them was carrying Bella. With the breeze blowing like it was, and the smell of the fire heavy in the air, it would be difficult to follow them on scent alone, especially when I didn't know the scent of Victoria's companion. Leaning down near the footprints, I inhaled deeply, trying to pull out anything I could use to track them. I did pick up Victoria's scent, and then one that was a slightly heavier masculine scent.

Using as much speed as I could, I followed the tracks, as well as the small snatches of scent I could pick up when the breeze allowed and other evidence like broken branches on bushes or trees and broken twigs that show that someone had been this way recently. The trail continued on for roughly five miles until I emerged from the forest to find myself in the back parking lot of a small strip mall.

Even the smallest hint of a trail had ended once I stepped onto the payment and that section of the parking lot was empty of cars. I could only assume that Victoria and her cohort either had a car waiting for them, or had stolen one to spirit Bella away.

Damn.

How was I going to tell Esme that I had lost them?

And an even bigger question was how was I going to tell Edward?

**ALICE**

Between the rhythmic sway of Jasper's body under me as he, Rose, and Emmett ran through the woods, and the continuing waves of calming emotion he was sending out to me, I felt like I was wrapped in cotton. I knew it was for the best though, as my panic had gotten the better of me earlier when my vision, both physically and metaphysically, had gone haywire. I was beginning to realize that much of my contribution to those around me, not to mention my self-worth, was tied up in my ability to see things others couldn't, so losing that sight, plus my regular vision had been traumatic to say the least.

I also couldn't help feeling that everything was my fault. If I'd just been able to see more in my visions, or if, despite Bella's period and how it might affect Jasper, I had fought the idea of coming to Alaska, things might be very different right now. I guess I couldn't do much about that now; we could only go forward and try and contain or address any damage that Victoria, or whomever had broken into the house, might have done.

I just hoped whatever had happened with my vision was temporary. If not, I was going to be useless to everyone, even myself. Despite my other heightened senses, blind as I was, I wouldn't even be able to hunt or feed myself; at least, not very well.

There was a reason you don't see many blind predators in the wild.

There might be no more visions, and even more disconcerting was that I would not even be able to give out my stellar fashion advice, as it was hard to comment on an outfit you couldn't see. And I didn't even want to think about what clothes they'd dress me in.

But I also knew this wasn't all about me. In addition to being terrified that my vision was never going to correct itself, I was even more afraid for Bella and Esme. If anything happened to one or both of them, I was sure that our family would never be whole again, not to mention what it would do to Edward and Carlisle.

Between Jasper's efforts and the fact that I was so focused on my vision and trying to get it to do ... well, something other than what it was doing, I had no idea how long we'd been running, but it seemed like it had been forever. Unlike our past trips here, I didn't think anyone was going to come away from this vacation with fond memories, and I'd be surprised if we visited again any time soon.

And when I said 'soon,' I meant within at least the next century.

Part of me wanted to laugh at that, but Jasper's influence had me so relaxed, not even a small amount of amusement could get through. So, I pressed my cheek to his shoulder, closed my eyes, and tried focus more on positive thoughts and less on what was happening with my vision.

Maybe it hadn't been Victoria at the house and something else had happened.

Or if Victoria had shown up, maybe Esme had been able to fight her off and get away with Bella.

Maybe Carlisle had come home from the hospital early and had been able to interrupt or save them from whatever had happened.

Jerking my head up, I blinked. As if the thought of Carlisle coming home early had jogged something loose, my vision wavered, a flicker maybe. Like trying to see something in your peripheral vision without actually turning to look at it, I tried not to focus on what wavered and did my best to just relax.

That approach seemed to be working, because slowly ... very slowly, the red began to thin. It reminded me a bit of those instamatic cameras that used to be all the rage. First, you would take a photo, and then the camera would spit out a square picture that was opaque at first, but then would slowly develop until you had an actual picture.

Trying to keep my mind blank, I watched as the red continued to dissipate, and the image of what my eyes were actually seeing became more vivid and focused. Although it was still a little hazy, the red finally cleared enough to see that we were running through a heavily forested area with Rose and Emmett flanking Jasper. For a moment, I considered trying to see if my second sight was also clearing, but I was worried that it was the source of the problem, so I concentrated on just observing the world as it passed by me. I also decided to wait to mention the fact that I was beginning to see again to Jasper and the others, just in case it didn't last.

Jasper must have sensed the change in me. "Alice? You all right?"

I squeezed my arms a little tighter around his shoulders to reassure him. "Yes, I'm okay, keep going."

I could tell that he wanted to ask more questions, but being the soldier that he was, he focused on his objective and kept running. We really must have been running for longer than I realized, because very shortly, I began to notice that we passed more and more signs of civilization. Finally, we passed a sign welcoming us to Anchorage, Alaska and another with an arrow for the airport, and I knew we were close to our destination.

Since we were flying on a small, chartered jet, we didn't need to go through the main terminal, and while we were still supposed to go through a small security checkpoint, we bypassed it by jumping over the fence that surrounded the tarmac. Luckily, Rose had been given directions to the hanger that housed our plane, and it was well marked and easy to find.

Rose walked away to speak to the representative from the charter company as Jasper slid me off his back, but kept his arm around my waist to make sure I was steady and didn't fall.

"I'm all right, Jasper," I assured him.

"Are you sure?" His eyes searched my face with concern, and he blinked in surprise when he saw me looking back at him instead of just blankly ahead.

"How long have you had your eyesight back?" There was no anger in his voice, just curiosity.

"You can see again?" Emmett said with a grin. "That's great, shorty."

I smiled at him, but turned to Jasper to answer his question. "It started to come back about a half hour ago. It's still a little hazy, but it's getting a little better all the time," I told him. "I didn't want to tell you until I was sure it wasn't going get worse again."

He nodded, and I could feel the waves of calm coming from him begin to ebb now that he knew I was coming out of whatever had happened. "And how about your visions?"

I pursed my lips. "I haven't tried to use my second sight yet."

Looking thoughtful, he nodded. "I suppose that might be for the best ... at least for the time being," he said. "I swear I'm not trying to push you, darlin,' but we sure could use your visions right now to know what's going on back home."

I sighed. "I know. It's just that I think my second sight may be at the root of the problem."

He frowned. "How so?"

"Well, it's just a hunch, but in the last couple of days I've been trying especially hard to see anything about Victoria. I mean REALLY hard, maybe harder than I've ever focused on something. As you know, it's a little different with her since most of what I see for her is impressions, and the images of red, and not outright visions. If she was the one behind whatever's going on at the house and consequently, Bella and Esme, I think it was just too much for my second sight to process. My guess is that it overwhelmed me and sort of short circuited both my regular vision and my second sight for a time while Victoria's activity in our lives was at it's highest point. That made me panic, and made it just that much worse. Once I started to calm down and think about other things, it started to get better."

"What if Victoria is not the one that attacked the house?" Emmett asked.

I wanted to tell him that I was pretty sure it was she, but I didn't. "Then I don't know what happened," I said instead.

"But you think it was Victoria, don't you?" Jasper asked.

I looked at Emmett and then back at Jasper. "Yes. I don't have anything else to explain all the red in my vision."

Before we could say much else, Rose walked back over to us. "The jet's all fueled. We can leave whenever you're ready."

"Hey, babe, good news, short stuff can see again," Emmett told her.

Her gaze snapped back to me. "Seriously?" I nodded. "What did you see?" she asked referring to my second sight. "What's going on at home? Is Bella all right?"

Jasper answered her rapid-fire questions before I could. "She hasn't tried to use her second sight yet. She's worried that her intense focus on Victoria might be the problem."

I think Rose's answer surprised all of us. "I don't care. If she can tell us what's going on at home, then she needs to look anyway."

"And risk permanently damaging her vision ... or both her visions?" Jasper snapped.

"Her vision came back before, didn't it?" she pointed out. "If it goes out again, I'm sure it will fix itself."

"And what if it doesn't?" Jasper said, his voice taking on an angry edge.

"Then we'll deal with it, but right now, our priority is making sure Bella and Esme are safe," Rose all but growled. "Alice understands that."

He took a menacing step toward her. "No, I think Alice understands that she'd like to be able to see!"

Instinctively, Emmett moved to Rose's side in case Jasper went any further. Of course, Rose had no problem standing up to Jasper. "No, she - "

I'd had just about enough of this. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" I yelled, stomping my foot. "I'm not an invalid, and there's nothing wrong with my hearing!"

Emmett being Emmett, he started to laugh. "Welcome back, shorty, I wondered how long you were going to let them get away with that."

I rolled my eyes at him before looking between Rose and Jasper. "Don't I get a say? After all, it's my vision you're talking about."

Jasper looked instantly contrite. "Of course, you get a say, darlin'. I just don't want you to let her bully you into it."

"I'm not bullying her!" Rose insisted.

Ignoring her, I put a hand on my hip. "Jasper, when was the last time anyone made me do anything I didn't want to do?"

"Edward when he made you leave Bella in Forks?" Emmett put in helpfully.

I glared at him. "It was meant to be a rhetorical question, Emmett, but thank you for reminding me of that." I sighed. "What I'm getting at is that _usually_ no one can make me do anything I don't want to."

I looked at Rose. The anger had ebbed out of her expression, and I could see what was behind her attitude; she was worried, no, she was really afraid for Bella and Esme. I could also see she carrying her own burden of guilt over being so far away when they needed us.

"Please, Alice," she pleaded quietly. "I have to know."

I stared at her for a moment longer, and then I looked back to Jasper. "She's right." He opened his mouth to object, but I spoke first. "No, Jasper, she's right. We need to know what's going on, and if there's anything I can do to help them then I need to try."

"You're sure?" he asked. I nodded. "Okay, then. I have to admit, I want to know, too."

As much as I was being honest about wanting to help and get any kind of news on what was happening back at the house, I could also feel an enormous weight falling on my shoulders to give the three of them answers. I suspected that if I allowed that weight to make me force the visions, it would make my vision worse, so I tried to shake it off and clear my mind.

"Okay, give me a minute. I'm going to sit down," I murmured.

Since the only nearby thing to sit on were the portable stairs leading up to the plane, I walked over and sat down on the second step. The three of them had followed me and stood around the foot of the stairs expectantly.

"Okay, you guys, you need to back up and give me a little room or I'm going to go crazy from the pressure."

"Sorry," Jasper murmured. "Come on, let's go over there and give her some space."

I watched the three of them move away, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. Then, I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. Since I didn't actually need to breathe, you would think it wouldn't help to center me, but it did.

When I was as ready as I was going to be, I opened myself up to my second sight. Rather than focusing on Bella, Esme, or Victoria, I tried to focus on Carlisle. Maybe if I saw things through him, I would have better results.

As with my regular vision, the image was still overlaid with a mist of red, but it wasn't enough to completely obscure what I was seeing, and I began to get an image.

It was Carlisle running through the woods as if he were looking for something. Then he suddenly stopped and looked at something near his feet. Reaching down, he picked it up.

I gasped. It was an arm. From the lack of blood and the way the broken end looked like jagged crystal, I was pretty sure it was a vampire arm, so I assumed it had to be Esme's.

I tried to focus on letting the vision play out rather than what it might mean, but it was hard. He took off through the woods again until he stopped and knelt near a clump of bushes. As I watched, he began to pull something out from under the bushes. Relief filled me when I saw what it was; or more accurately, WHO it was.

Esme.

At first, I almost didn't recognize her because she was covered in dirt and leaves, which made no sense to me, but I was used to that with my visions so I kept watching. Then, I saw the stump where her arm should have been. Cradling her against him, I saw him tenderly brush the dirt away from her face.

But before he could do much else, a shadow loomed over them. What followed next left me with more questions than answers. Gasping, my eyes snapped open and Jasper, Rose, and Emmett were in front of me in a blink.

"Are you all right?" Jasper asked tentatively. "Can you see?"

Refocusing my regular vision, which seemed to be no worse for wear this time, I looked at Jasper. "You have to call, Carlisle ... now."

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>In two weeks:<strong>_ Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rose hurry home from Alaska and we're back to Carlisle as he tends to Esme and has to tell Edward that Bella's been you then.


	44. Chapter 44

_**Disclaimer:**_ Not that it will come as a surprise to anyone reading this, but _Twilight_ and it's characters do not belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the only one that can make that claim. I just like to play in the wonderful universe she created. As always, thanks to my betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller for their invaluable support and input.

_**Author's Note:**_ I'm going to keep this one short (please keep the cheering to a minimum). A huge thanks to everyone reading this story and especially to those sending me feedback, you rock my world.

_**Previously in Chapter 43:**_ Carlisle came out of surgery to find that his world had been turned upside down. He rushed home, saw the house on fire and feared the worst. Luckily, he was able to find Esme and she told him to try and find where Victoria and Riley had taken Bella. Unfortunately, their trail ended in a nearby parking lot and he was at a loss for how to follow them further. Back in Alaska, Alice's vision began to clear showed up and she told Jasper to call Carlisle right away.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 44<strong>_

**CARLISLE**

After finding out that Victoria had eluded us, my first instinct was to run directly back to Esme. However, I realized that it would be wiser if I at least tried to find her arm and leg before I returned, so I could reattach them that much sooner.

However, my task was easier said than done. I realized then that part of the reason I had so much trouble finding Esme earlier was the fact that, coupled with the strong breeze and the smoke in the air, having parts of her scattered in the forest had made it nearly impossible to pinpoint her location in any one direction; I had no way of knowing if I was smelling her or one of her appendages.

Consequently, I tried using a simple grid pattern to do a search. With my vampire speed, I was able to cover quite a bit of ground and sure enough, I located Esme's arm a mile or so from where she was hiding. Unfortunately, I didn't have the same luck with her leg. I just hoped that an animal, a curious hiker, or a vigilant fire or police official hadn't found it and taken it somewhere. While I could reattach a vampire limb that had simply been severed, I had no way to replace one that was lost or destroyed.

Deciding to address the issue of Esme's leg later, I headed back to where I'd left her. Between trying to track Victoria and then looking for Esme's missing appendages, it had been almost two hours since I'd left her. While the rational part of my brain told me that even as battered as she was, Esme would be all right during the time I was gone, the mate part of me was screaming at me to get back to her.

Besides, Edward would be back in another couple of hours and then Alice and the rest of the family would be back sometime tonight and they could all help me do a more thorough search for her leg. And if I was lucky, Alice would be able to see where Esme's leg was in a vision and save us some time. Then again, Edward had said Alice was having some issues with her vision and I didn't know if he meant her eyes or her second sight. In any case, they'd be able to help me obtain some food for Esme, as she would need to replenish her lost fluids.

Returning to the copse of bushes, I carefully laid Esme's arm down beside me and reached underneath the center of the bushes; finally locating Esme's shoulder, I slowly pulled her out. Brushing some of the dirt and leaves from her face and hair, I smiled as her eyes fluttered open.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long," I told her.

"Did you find her?" she asked softly.

I wanted to say yes, but I'd never lied to her before and I wasn't going to start now. "No, honey, I didn't. Their trail went through the forest for about five miles until it came out at the parking lot of a strip mall and then it disappeared. I think they either had a car waiting for them or they stole one from the parking lot and got away."

For a moment, she only stared at me as if she hadn't heard what I'd said. Then she seemed to collapse in on herself and her face crumbled. I knew that if she'd been able to cry, a river would have been unleashed.

"I so sorry ... " she sobbed.

I gathered her against me and rocked her slowly. "Sweetheart, there's nothing you could have done. None of us knew that Victoria was going to pick today to show up. All evidence pointed to her still being in Alaska."

"But everyone trusted me to take care of Bella and now Victoria has her," she said against my shoulder with weak, gasping sobs.

"You were only one person, Esme, against Victoria and her accomplice. You're lucky they didn't kill you."

"She wanted to. But she needed me to be around to tell you who'd taken Bella."

Hearing her say the words made my chest ache. To know how close I'd come to losing her, made me grip her a little tighter as I kissed her temple. "Well, whatever the reason, I'm thankful that it didn't come to that. When I saw the house on fire, I feared the worst."

"We fought in the yard," she said, still sounding like it was an effort to speak although her dry sobs had thankfully quieted. "After he'd torn off my arm and leg, she told him to set the house on fire."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "I suspected as much."

"Is the house ... gone?" she asked.

I sighed. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I believe it's a total loss. Well, except maybe for the safe in my office. It was supposed to be fireproof so its contents should have survived."

My words brought another little sob from her, but then she quieted and the conversation lagged as we sat there silently and held each other, or more accurately, I held her. It was a bit more of a challenge for her to hold me with only one fully functioning arm.

"Edward will never forgive me."

"Well, if I know Edward, he'll be too busy blaming himself to blame you."

There was another prolonged silence and then Esme spoke. "I hope Bella is all right."

"Until we know differently, we have to go on the assumption that she's alive," I told her. "If Victoria just wanted to kill her, she could have easily killed Bella here. The fact that she took Bella with her suggests that she has some other plan."

"I hadn't thought about it like that, but I suppose you're right," she agreed.

Pulling back, I gently eased her back down on the ground. "Now, for a spot of good news. In my travels over the last couple of hours, I managed to find your arm," I told her. "Why don't we see if we can get it reattached?"

She managed a weak smile. "You won't get any argument from me."

Before either of us could say anything else, I heard a rustling of leaves and spinning around, I put myself in front of Esme as a shadow from someone standing on the path fell over us. The sun was behind him so his face was in shadow, but from his scent, I instantly knew who it was.

"Edward, how did you get here so fast? Even running at top speed, it should have taken you another hour or two."

"Where's Bella?" he asked ignoring my question, his body all but vibrating with tension. "Was she in the house?"

His question must have set Esme's mind to turning because before I could start to put together a mental or verbal answer, Edward suddenly stiffened as he read her thoughts and then gasped and dropped to his knees with his hands yanking at his hair.

"I never should have left," he groaned in agony. "I should have stayed here to protect her."

"You couldn't have known, Edward," I said gently, trying to keep him as calm as possible under the circumstances. "None of us could have foreseen what happened today."

I desperately wished that Jasper were here, as his talents would be invaluable right now. So far, Edward didn't seem inclined to turn his upset, blame, or anger on Esme, but I didn't move from my spot in front of her in case that changed.

He was rocking slightly now. "No, I should have been here. As long as Victoria was free, I should have stayed with Bella. Now she's going to pay for my mistake with her life."

"We don't know that, Edward," I insisted. "I don't know if you heard me telling Esme or not, but the fact that Victoria took Bella may be a good sign. If she wanted to just kill her, she could have done it, but instead she took her away."

His head snapped up. "Or maybe she'll just make Bella wish she were dead," he all but snarled.

Edward's anger didn't faze me. It was perfectly understandable and I knew that he'd turn it on himself or Victoria when he found her rather than any of us. In an attempt to calm him, I could have tried to deny the possibility of the situation he was talking about with Victoria hurting Bella, but I would have been lying if I'd said it hadn't occurred to me as well, so I stayed with the truth.

"If that's the case, then we will have to find Bella quickly."

"But that's just it! We have no idea where they would go!" he snapped and then he cocked his head. "Unless you found some clue when you followed her trail?"

I didn't even bother to speak my reply, I just mentally showed him what I'd done and the disappointing result. _"I'm sorry, that I wasn't quick enough to stop them_," I mentally added at the end.

If he heard that last thought, he made no acknowledgement of it. "I have to see for myself," was all he said before he disappeared deeper into the woods.

I stared after him and sent a parting thought his way. _"Come back as soon as you can, Edward. I need your help and we all need to work together if we're going to find Bella."_

I was startled out of the thoughts I was sending Edward by the ringing of my cell phone. Pulling it out, I saw it was Jasper calling.

"Hello, Jasper. Are you all right?"

"Now that Alice's vision is coming back, we're fine, but we're all anxious for news about Bella and Esme."

"What exactly happened with Alice's vision? Edward didn't give me much in the way of details."

"Oh, that's right. You were in surgery when I called to tell you. In a nutshell, she couldn't see for a time, not with her regular sight or her second sight, but both seem to be coming back now," he explained. "But now what's happened with Bella and Esme?"

"Esme's here with me, but she's injured. Victoria's accomplice tore off one of her arms and one of her legs, so that she wouldn't follow them. I managed to find her arm, but haven't reattached it yet and I haven't had any luck finding her leg."

"And Bella?"

"She's gone. According to Esme and the other evidence we've found, Victoria took her."

"We were afraid if that," Jasper said. "Edward is going to be devastated when he finds out."

"He already knows. He arrived about 15 minutes ago and did not take the news well. I don't think he'll do anything to himself until we know for sure what's happened to Bella. When I first got here and followed their trail, it led to a parking lot about five miles away and then stopped. Right now, he's out trying find any more clues to where Victoria might have taken her."

"They must have had a car," Jasper guessed.

"Yes, that's what we think, too," I agreed. "Have you left Alaska yet? I could really use all of your help back here."

"Not yet," he replied. "We chartered a jet to bring us home and we're at the airport getting ready to leave, but Alice wanted to talk to you before we took off. Here she is."

I heard a slight rustling as he handed over the phone. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, Alice, I'm here."

"Did you find Esme's arm yet?" she asked.

"Yes, I was just getting ready to reattach it when Jasper called."

"Don't worry about her leg for the moment," she said. "We'll look for it when we get there and I saw in a vision that Emmett will find it up in a tree tomorrow morning and you'll be able to reattach it just fine."

"Good, I'm relieved to hear that. After I get her arm attached, I'll focus on getting her fed so she can replenish her fluids. She lost quite a bit of venom in the attack and it's left her very weak."

"When Edward gets back, make him go and find her some prey. He'll need something to keep him busy until Victoria calls."

I frowned in surprise. "She's going to call?"

"Yes, I saw Edward on the phone with her; well, it was more like Edward was screaming at her on the phone."

"Why would she call? That doesn't seem like her."

"From what I could see in my vision, she was taunting Edward about Bella," she told me.

"Well, I guess that does sound sadistic enough for Victoria after all." I paused. "But wait, with the house gone, how would she know what number to call?"

"No ... " It came out as a little cry from Alice's end of the phone and I wasn't sure if it was her or Rose that had made it. "So the house really _is_ gone? I saw you looking at the ruins of it in a vision but I hoped that we'd get home in time to stop it."

"Yes, apparently Victoria had her accomplice set fire to it. By the time I got here, the fire department was working to put it out, but from what I saw it will be a total loss."

There was another long pause and then I heard Alice let out a quick breath as if she was mentally squaring her shoulders. "Well, they were just things, and we still have plenty of money in other places, so we will be fine. The most important thing right now is that Esme is all right and we will do everything we can to find Bella," she said in her best Alice planning mode. "As soon as we're in the air, Rose and I will use the phone on the plane to work on finding us someplace to live, at least for the short term," she promised.

I nodded. "Try to make it somewhere a little isolated and private. In the woods would be optimal to make hunting as easy as possible. I'll need somewhere I can reattach Esme's leg and she can recuperate in peace. It doesn't really even need to have furniture. Shelter and running water are our immediate concerns."

Alice gave a little snort. "Of course it will have furniture. Bella will need a place to sleep when we get her back," she said in her best 'don't be silly' voice. "Rose and I will also get some new clothes for everyone and I'll arrange to have Edward's car picked up in Manhattan and brought back to Ithaca."

"I still have my car, so that will give us two vehicles in the short term." I sighed as I added something else to the mental list of things I still needed to do. "I suppose I'll have to talk to the authorities at some point in the near future and give them a statement about the fire. I'll tell them that Esme was with you in Alaska and I think it's better not to mention Bella at all."

There was a little pause on her end and I wondered if she were having another vision. "Yes," she finally replied. "That story will work. I think the fire department will rule it arson because of whatever accelerant Victoria used, but they won't suspect you as you were at the hospital and any witnesses will say that we, along with Esme, were all in Alaska. Since we didn't have insurance on the house, and there was no other reason for us to burn down our own house, they won't suspect any kind of fraud. While I do see them doing a standard investigation, they won't find anything."

"That's one bit of good news, anyway."

"Oh, and to answer your earlier question about what number Victoria will know to call, I have no idea. All I know is that I saw Edward talking to her on what looked like a cell phone."

"All right, I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens with that." I paused and I was both anxious and reluctant to ask her my next question. "Alice, have you had any visions of Bella?"

There was a long pause on the other end. "No, Carlisle, I haven't. Like Jasper said, my vision has been having issues, but when it started to come back, all I saw was you and Edward and Esme. I didn't see anything about Bella."

It wouldn't do any good for me to turn away from Esme or speak softly to protect her from the next question as she'd still be able to hear me, so I just asked it. "Do you think that means she's ... " I couldn't even force myself to say the words.

"No, actually I don't," Alice said decisively. "I don't know why I'm so sure, but I am. I don't have a good enough fix on Victoria to see things directly through her, and I've never met her accomplice, so I can't see through him. Bella is the only one I'd be able to see the situation through, and if she unconscious she can't make decisions, and if Victoria hasn't really decided what to do with her, then it's not surprising that I can't see her."

What she said made sense, but for some reason, it didn't do a lot to reassure me about Bella's current precarious state. "All right, Alice. Thank you."

"Oh, I have to go. Edward's calling Jasper and everyone is anxious to get going. Hang in there, Carlisle, till we get home."

"Have a safe flight," I said and then we disconnected. I stared down at the phone. I hoped Alice was right about Bella being simply unconscious instead of something more dire.

Esme's voice broke me from those less than positive thoughts. "Carlisle?"

I turned and knelt back down beside her. "Yes, sweetheart, what is it?"

"I didn't have a chance ... to tell Edward," she said. "We may have a way to find them."

I frowned in surprise as I knelt down beside her again. "What do you mean?"

She slid her remaining hand down to her hip and pulling something from the pocket of the slacks she was wearing, she handed it to me. It was a small phone that I knew was not hers.

"Where did you get this?"

"Victoria left it," she explained. "She said she would call Edward on it."

So this was the phone that Alice had seen Edward speaking to Victoria on. I couldn't be sure because I only knew what I needed to when it came to electronics, but I seemed to remember that there were ways to trace a cell phone signal and the cell tower it was using to find someone's location. Since she had been more nomadic than the rest of us, perhaps Victoria didn't know that. Jasper, Alice, and Edward were the real electronic wizards in the family and I hoped that they might be able to use this to our advantage. It was a small hope, but hope was still important, no matter the size.

"Maybe Jasper can trace the call," Esme said, apparently reading my mind.

"Yes, maybe," I replied, trying to keep some of that hope in my voice.

I carefully slipped the phone into my doctor's bag, which I'd brought with me from the car more out of habit than any real need to use its contents. Even if the cell signal couldn't be traced, the phone was still our only link to Victoria and Bella so I would exceedingly careful with it.

"Now, why don't we get your arm reattached. Let me take a look at the wound," I said gently lifting the stump of her right arm and did my best not to grimace. It was not a clean tear as I had expected. The wound margins on the stump of her arm, while healed for the most part, looked mangled and almost crushed. By contrast, the end of her severed arm looked like the top of a wine bottle that had been broken off; the edges were jagged but well defined.

I hated to ask her this, and I knew I was really going to hate to hear the answer, but I needed as much information as possible so I worked hard to keep my voice calm and steady as I used my best doctor voice.

"Esme, when he removed your arm, did he just tear it off?"

"Yes," she said, her throat working as if to swallow something particularly foul. "But afterward he got angry and ... he crushed the end of the stump under his boot."

Now it was my turn to swallow something foul. Only for me it was a renewed feeling of rage over what had been done to her. I knew that I had to focus on tending to her and there would be time for anger and revenge later, but it was hard to shove down the images she was describing.

Trying to give myself a moment to get my emotions under control, I nodded slowly and continued to study the wound on the stump of her arm. Her description, however, explained why the two wounds looked different. Because of the jagged nature of one side of the wound, it also meant she would have more of a scar than she would have had if the pieces had fit together like a puzzle piece.

I'd never actually reattached a vampire's limb before, but I'd seen it done while I was living with the Volturi and it was fairly straightforward. I just needed to coat the end of each piece with venom and place them together to start the healing process. Just as it did during a person's change, the venom would seek out any damaged tissue in both pieces, knitting it together and striving to make it whole and undamaged again. The scaring would come from the pieces of tissue that had been lost when her arm had been severed and then thrown away and the stump crushed.

Using Esme's venom with her own DNA would be optimum, but since I was her sire, mine should work as well, although the healing might be just a bit slower. The problem with trying to use Esme's own venom was that she'd already lost so much that I doubted she had enough left in her body or in her severed limb to do much good. There was also the fact that I knew reopening the wound at her stump would be incredibly painful. Consequently, I decided to use my own venom.

"Esme, I just want to warn you that as the tissue, bone, and underlying structure knit back together, it will hurt at least to some degree and will probably feel like it's burning." My gaze met hers. "I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to ease it."

She gave me a wan smile. "It's all right, Carlisle. I expected as much. I trust you."

"Very well, then," I said, once again trying to pull on my doctor's persona to keep myself calm and focused.

I picked up her severed arm and held it up to her stump to check the orientation of both pieces; after all, I didn't want to put her arm on backwards or so that it was askew to it's natural position. Since when it came time to actually mesh the two pieces I would have little room for error and an even smaller time for adjustment, I pulled a felt pen from my doctor's bag and made guide mark at the edge of each piece showing me exactly where they needed to meet to get the correct orientation.

If I had more time, and I was working under more controlled conditions, I would have probably used some kind of metal syringe to inject or spread the venom, but since that wasn't the case, and I didn't have to worry about things like keeping the wound sterile, I went for the first method that occurred to me.

Without letting myself dwell on exactly what I was going to do, I let the venom flow into my mouth until it was full; then I spit it out onto the end of the arm. Repeating the same process, I lifted her stump to my mouth and coated it as well. Then using the guide marks I'd drawn, I quickly pressed the two pieces together and held them in place; no easy feat given that the two ends did not mesh well.

At first, nothing seemed to happen. When I'd seen it in Italy, the process had started rather quickly, but that time the wounds had been very fresh and clean, the victim had not been weakened by venom loss as Esme was and the venom used to rejoin the pieces had been from the victim himself rather than a sire or another vampire.

Trying not to be discouraged, I sent up a prayer that it would work because if it didn't, I honestly had no idea what else to do and my only other option was to consult with the Volturi on a solution. They would surely want an explanation as to how Esme had lost her arm and leg, which I didn't really want to go into because any sign of weakness would surely focus their attention on us.

And then, there was the fact that on the off chance we had to take Esme to Italy to have her body repaired, the moment Aro touched any of us, he would know about Bella and the fact that a human knew what we were and yet was still allowed to live. Knowing the Volturi as I did, and their strict adherence to the law, they'd likely help us find Bella only to kill her for knowing our secret.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by a little cry from Esme and I realized something must finally be happening because I saw she was gritting her teeth and squirming slightly from what I assumed was a great deal of pain.

"You weren't ... kidding," she gasped between clenched teeth. "Feels like ... my arm ... is on fire."

It would have been better if I could hold her shoulders down to keep her still but my hands were needed to hold her arm in the correct position. "I know, sweetheart, I'm sorry. It shouldn't last for too long."

Her good hand had clenched into a fist and it started to pound on the ground beside her as if that would distract her. Under my hands, I felt the pieces of her arm begin to shift and almost vibrate as the tissue on both sides started join and reform. The doctor part of me watched in fascination, as through the gaps in the two pieces, I saw first bone, then muscle, tendons, vasculature, and finally soft tissue and skin grow at a rapid rate. I had not been this close to the wound when I saw the process in Volterra so I hadn't really appreciated the amazing method of regeneration.

And then Edward appeared on her other side and knelt down. "Hold onto me, Esme," he said quietly as he unfurled her clenched fist and took it between his hands.

I gave him a quick once over. He didn't meet my gaze, but his temper seemed well under control, maybe a little too under control given the flat tone of his voice and the empty look on his face, but that was a matter for another time.

Esme's surprise at seeing him there and having him hold her hand seemed to calm her a bit but she still struggled slightly against the pain. "Oh, Edward ... " she said with a little sob. " ... Edward, I'm so sorry. I tried to protect her, I swear I did."

Assuming Edward would either say nothing or that he might do worse than that and say something that might make her feel worse, I opened my mouth to comfort her when Edward surprised me by beating me to it.

"It's all right, Esme," he said in a voice that was still flat and yet held a note of sincerity in it. "It's not your fault. I know you tried. There's nothing you could have done." Now he did glance quickly at me and for a moment, the blankness of his expression was replaced with guilt and pain. Then it was gone and he looked back down at Esme. It occurred to me then that he probably thought I blamed him for Esme's injuries. "I'm just sorry you got hurt," he added quietly.

She gave him a weak and slightly tremulous smile. "I'll be fine," she said although the quaver in her voice didn't do much to support her words. "And we'll get Bella back, you'll see."

"I know," he said softly, but he said it in such a way that I made me think he doubted we would get her back alive and in one piece.

"It's like I told you ... " she hissed suddenly at what must have been a fresh stab of pain and then continued. "We have to have faith, right?"

He didn't answer for the longest time, then very quietly I heard him say, "Yes, faith."

Esme had told me of her conversation with Edward shortly after Bella tried to kill herself by jumping from the window of her room and how she told him that he needed to have more faith in Bella and in himself and in what they felt for each other.

Edward didn't say anything after that, but as he continued to hold Esme's hand, there was a certain thoughtfulness to his expression which I took as a good sign.

A few more minutes passed and slowly Esme's body began to still and the lines of pain and exertion began to ease from her face but she still looked exhausted.

"Better?" I asked hopefully.

She let out a relieved breath. "Yes. It's more uncomfortable than painful now."

The wound between the two halves had completely closed by then. While her arm was still dirty from the earth, grass and leaves she'd dragged herself through and hidden in, the venom had either absorbed or disintegrated any foreign matter in the wound. Now, only an angry, ragged scar going completely around her upper arm remained on the surface of her skin to mark the joining of the two pieces, and even it was getting a better as time went on. I knew, however, that it would never fully disappear. Just as vampire bites like that ones Jasper carried never fully went away, Esme would forever carry this one on her arm and theoretically one on her leg when I reattached it. The small spot of good news was that there was every chance that only other vampires would be able to see them; to humans her skin would look perfectly normal.

"Is it still burning?" I asked her.

"Yes, and tingling, but it's not unbearable." She looked up at me. "Should I try moving my fingers?"

"Not yet. Let's just wait until more of the pain goes away," I told her. Now that her arm was well attached again, I gently laid it down beside her. "Just keep your arm as relaxed as possible for the moment."

"All right," she said, even though I could see she was anxious to see if she could move her fingers or not.

"Give me your pain level on a scale from one to ten."

She considered that. "Um, about six, I guess."

"Good, now let's try something," I said. "Close your eyes."

She did as I asked and I lifted my hand over her forearm. This would be the real test of the reattachment. If she had feeling in her arm, then she should eventually have full use of it again. Using one finger, I traced my way over the curve of her elbow. Her eyes popped open instantly.

"Did you just touch me?" she asked almost in wonder.

"Why?" I asked, trying to hide my grin as something inside be finally began to unclench. "Did you feel something?"

Giving me a mild glare, she raised an eyebrow at me and then closed her eyes again. "Do it again. Somewhere different this time."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied. "Now, still keeping your arm relaxed and without opening your eyes, I want you tell me where on your arm I'm touching you."

"Okay, I'm ready." I started moving my fingers over her skin as she began to relay her answers to me. "My wrist ... my pinky finger ... the tip of my index finger ... the knuckle of my middle finger." She smiled as I touched the next part and then let out a little giggle. "... that tickles."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Yes, but where does it tickle?"

"The skin between my thumb and forefinger."

"Excellent. You get a 100%," I said thrilled that things had gone so well. "What's your pain level now?"

"About four."

I couldn't have asked for better results. "All right, I think your pain level is low enough now. Open your eyes and we'll try moving your arm and your fingers."

She opened her eyes and looked up at me. "What do you want me to do first?"

"Try lifting your arm and see how far you can comfortably go." As we watched, she slowly lifted her arm and brought it so was perpendicular to her body. "Good, how does that feel?"

"Actually, it's weird. It doesn't hurt but it feels ... um, I'm trying to think of the right description. I guess, heavy. My arm feels a little heavier than normal."

I nodded. "That's probably because all the muscles and tendons and other connective tissue are still relearning their neural pathways. Similar to what it feels like to a human when an arm or a leg goes to sleep and starts to wake up. I believe that will get better in time," I told her. "Now, slowly bend your elbow."

She did it, but it made her wince. "That's harder. My arm feels a bit stiff and a little like it's got pins and needles poking it."

"Again, I go back to the analogy of human arm or leg going to sleep," I said. "Now for the big test. Slowly and carefully, wiggle your fingers."

This time she hissed. "It stings again like pins and needles, but it's much more intense."

I nodded. "That's to be expected. Fine motor skills take the most effort on the part of the muscles in your arm." I helped ease her arm back down. "Why don't you rest your arm for a bit now and we'll try again in a little bit. The venom should continue to heal your arm. You've already made remarkable progress for not having an arm an hour ago."

She grinned. "Well, having an excellent doctor helps."

I grinned back at her, but I held back any more teasing banter in consideration of Edward and the fact that while I'm sure part of him was happy about Esme's progress, he would still be agonizing over Bella. I could already see that he was looking anywhere but at the two of us and remembered Alice's suggestion that I should keep him busy.

"Edward, do you think you could go and get something for Esme to eat? She really needs to feed. Replacing her venom will be the quickest way to heal her completely. Plus, she'll need to keep up her strength until we can find her leg and reattach it."

"Of course," he murmured looking almost relieved and then without another word, he disappeared.

"I'm really worried about him, Carlisle," she said, once we thought he was out of ear shot and mind reading distance. "If Bella doesn't make it, I don't think he will either."

While I was thinking something similar, I smiled at her. "To quote a very wise woman, 'we've got to have faith'," I said patting her hand. "Bella is going to make it and that's all there is to it."

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>In two weeks:<strong>_ We find out what's been happening to Bella. See you then.


	45. Chapter 45

_**Disclaimer:**_ Here's the abridged version – _Twilight_ isnot mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note (PLEASE READ):<strong>_ **ANGST ALERT!** Many of you have been wondering what's been going on with Bella, well wonder no more. As promised, this chapter is 100% Bella. However, I've had readers that commented on the fact that they didn't want to see Bella hurt so I'm giving everyone fair warning that if Bella being hurt bothers you, then this chapter may be one that you will want to skip. In my mind Victoria was crazy and sadistic like James and now she has the added motivator of his death to make her even angrier and Bella is an easy target for her wrath.

That being said, I cannot stress enough that I WILL NOT KILL BELLA, say that with me everyone. I. WILL. NOT. KILL. BELLA. Nor will I subject her to rape or sexual assault. I still maintain that there WILL be a happy ending and everything that is happening now, as tough as it is, I have done for a reason. I do not do it to torture Bella or to make her suffer for the fun of it. Things will be tough for her in this chapter and the next one as things hit rock bottom, but then it will definitely go nowhere but up. This chapter is mostly Victoria taking out her anger and need for revenge on Bella as well as cluing us in on what she and Riley are planning for the future.

Oh, and believe me, when it comes to Victoria and Riley, their day of reckoning will be here very soon.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 44:<strong>_ Carlisle tended to Esme and reattached her arm and they both worried about a too quiet Edward as the rest of the gang heads home from Alaska.

Okay, enough talking, fasten your seatbelts.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 45<strong>_

**BELLA**

Awareness began to return slowly. Opening my eyes would have taken too much effort, so I tried to get my sluggish brain to do a mental inventory.

The first thing that drifted into my mind was that there was an odd rushing sound in the distance; after a moment, I realized it was the sound of running water.

On the heels of that was that fact that I was wet. Why would I be wet? Had I fallen asleep in the bathtub?

That idea seemed to be unlikely when I realized that despite the sound of running water, I was still wearing clothes and I couldn't actually feel the press of water sloshing around me. Then there was the fact that I was also cold and lying on something hard that was just as cold as I was.

As I was processing that puzzle, I was rocked with a wave of pain going through my head, or more specifically my face, and I fought not to gasp. Why did my face hurt?

For a moment, my brain went back to the locked hospital room in Florida. Was I still there? Was the monster still attacking me? No, that wasn't right. Alice and Rose had saved me.

Hadn't they?

Wait, I couldn't still be in the hospital. Beyond the fact that I wouldn't believe I was still in the middle of that nightmare, I realized that while I had been cold in that place and my head and face had hurt, I hadn't been wet, hadn't been wearing clothes, but I had been lying in a bed.

Suddenly, the sound of the running water snapped off and a soft, girly voice replaced it in my ears. "Wakey, wakey."

Any further mental inventory was abruptly cut off when a wave of very cold water washed over me and instinctively, I jerked, and my eyes snapped open.

The light in the room was blinding. Between it, whatever was going on with my head and the water dripping in my eyes, it took a moment for my vision to clear enough to process what I was seeing.

And when I did, my current situation came back to me in a stomach dropping, fear-inducing flash.

Victoria.

The redheaded vampire stood above me looking fresh as a daisy with a smirk on her face and a large, empty, but still dripping bucket in her hand; I assumed the bucket was how I'd gotten all wet.

"I'm glad you finally decided to wake up," she told me as she tossed the bucket into a large utility sink mounted to the wall behind her. "I was getting tired of waiting for you."

Shoving myself into a sitting position, I scooted away from her until my back hit a wall. Unconcerned, Victoria watched me with some amusement, and we both knew that when, not if, she decided what she was going to do with me, no small amount of room I could put between us was going to make any bit of difference.

Since Victoria seemed to be occupied with studying me, I took a moment to do some quick studying of my own as I looked at my surroundings. I was in a small square room with a bare concrete floor that was probably eight feet by eight feet across. The mostly bare cinderblock walls were painted a dingy industrial white or cream color, with no windows and one simple, but heavy looking door as the only entry or exit I could see.

A simple fluorescent light fixture, that had seemed blinding when I'd first opened my eyes but now actually seemed a little dim, hummed from the ceiling and aside from the utility sink, the only things on the walls were some empty racks like the kinds that were used to hold the handles of brooms and mops. There was also a small drain set into the middle of the floor, and given the slightly chemical or cleaning products smell that had begun to drift through my nose, my guess was that I was in what had once been some kind of janitorial closet or storage room.

I was snapped back from my thoughts by Victoria taking a step toward me. "Where am I?" I blurted even though it sent fresh waves of pain through my battered face. It occurred to me that as long as I kept her talking, it was less likely that she'd be hurting me.

And it seemed to work, at least for the moment, when Victoria stopped her advance toward me. "You're where I want you to be," she said cryptically.

Well, that was helpful. "What did you do with Esme?"

"I didn't do anything with her," she said innocently, then giggled. "Well, Riley left her without an arm and a leg, but as far as I know, she's still laying in the backyard where we left her."

The callousness she showed toward hurting Esme shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. "You didn't have to hurt her, she was no real threat to you."

She shrugged. "I know, but it was fun, and I really couldn't have her following us, now could I? What you really should be doing is thanking me for not killing her."

"I _am_ thankful for that," I told her honestly. "Very thankful."

My words sent a wave of annoyance across her face. I think she meant to be sarcastic and flip and she probably didn't like the fact that I was indeed thankful.

Her annoyance passed quickly and morphed into smug satisfaction as she continued. "It also felt amazing to finally get to take some revenge out on the Cullens, the first of many such instances I'm planning."

I went cold and it had nothing to do with the water soaking my clothes or the cement beneath me. I had thought she just wanted me so that she could complete what James had started and get a little revenge for his death in the process; like an eye for an eye, or in our case, a mate for a mate. But from what she was saying, I gathered it was so much more than that. What more did she have planned for the Cullens?

"What do you mean?" I asked carefully.

Victoria stared at me thoughtfully, then she laughed lightly. "I guess it won't hurt to tell you. After all, I'm eventually going to kill you, so it's not as if you're going to be able to tell your precious Edward or the Cullens what I'm planning."

My heart seemed to clog in my throat at her casual, off-handed words. Like James, she planned to kill me, and I just bet she was going to do her best to make it as painful as possible. The idea of never getting to see Edward and the Cullens again made my chest tighten and my eyes burn as tears started to gather.

But, for the moment, I had to shove all of that out of my mind. I didn't want to let her see how upset her words made me, and I knew that there would be time for tears and letting myself fall apart later. Oddly enough, it had been my time in the hospital that helped me keep my emotions at bay. I'd gotten very good at detaching myself from unpleasant things while I'd been there and I drew on that same ability to keep my emotions clamped down. Maybe if I kept Victoria talking, I could get some answers and Alice would be able to see some of what she was planning through me.

"You know they're going to come after you, right?" I said with more bravado than I felt. "Even if you kill me, they won't stop until you're dead, too."

Smirking, she stalked toward me, and despite the fact that every instinct inside me was screaming for me to run, this time I didn't bother trying to move away from her as my back was literally in a corner and I had no place to go. With only a foot or so between us, she knelt down in front of me; her chilling red eyes way too close for my comfort level.

"Now, see that's where you're wrong," she told me. "Oh, they'll come after me, in fact, I'm counting on it. But when I'm done, they'll be the ones that are dead."

That had me blinking in surprise. She didn't seem the least bit concerned about having a coven of powerful and pissed off vampires after her. "How is that possible? It's only the two of you against the seven of them."

She giggled again in her high, baby doll way, and I was really beginning to hate the sound of it. "That's just it, by the time they find me, it won't be just the two of us against the seven of them."

Okay, well now I was completely confused. Who else could she be talking about? The only other vampire I was aware of that she knew was Laurent. Could she be talking about him? Even if she added him to her ranks it would still only be the three of them.

She continued, her expression almost gleeful. "In fact, if things go as I hope, when I see them next, it will be with an army of others willing to fight for me."

I noticed she said 'for me' and not 'with me.' If I had to venture a guess, I would say that Victoria was a coward at heart and she would hide behind whomever she was going to recruit. "What are you talking about? Where are you going to get this army?"

"Why, that's the best part. My dear, devoted Riley is going to make them for me. Such a good little soldier, my Riley, and so very handy," she gloated and I began to suspect that Victoria very much liked to hear herself talk. "The way I hear it, your little mind reader can't see me very well and she has never met Riley and so she won't be able to see what he does. The Cullens will never see it coming."

Things just got worse and worse. I think Alice told me once that vampires were strongest in their first year due to the blood in their system. Edward and the rest of the Cullens would be no match for an army of new vampires and they'd be walking into a trap. Frantically, my mind searched for a way to either get more information from her or to dissuade her of the idea altogether.

"Don't you think that in a town the size of Ithaca, the Cullens, and people in general, are going to notice when people start to go missing?" I said, assuming we were still in Ithaca. I had no idea how long I'd been out, so I didn't know how far we'd gone.

She nodded. "Absolutely."

Surprised by her unconcerned answer, I stared at her. "But then how ... "

Victoria rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. "Because I won't be doing it in Ithaca," she said as if I was the dumbest person in the world. "After I kill you, I think it would be best if Riley and I got out of town for while, plus, it will give the Cullens a while to stew about what I've done." Her expression turned ugly. "Just like I had to stew about what they did to James."

"But I told you, they had to do it. James didn't give them any other choice. He would have killed me." The words were out of my mouth before I'd really considered them ... or how Victoria might react to them.

Suddenly, her hand was in my hair and my head was jerked back against the wall so hard I saw stars. She was gripping my hair tightly enough that my head was all but immobile and I thought she might tear out a good chunk of my hair. I couldn't help the tears that sprang to my eyes at having my hair pulled so hard, and as I once again struggled not to give in to the need to cry, I could feel her cool breath on my cheek and on my throat as she spoke in a low, angry whisper.

"James was worth ten of you," she sneered. "And when your precious Cullens destroyed him, they took everything from me. Now, I plan on doing the same to them. Turn about is fair play I always say. So, when I finally let them find me, I will be ready for them and it will in the place where it all started."

Between my terror and the throbbing in my head and face, I'm not sure where I found the voice to speak, but I somehow managed it, even if it was thin and I couldn't keep the tremor out of it. "And where's that?"

Her voice was soft but it chilled me to the bone. "Why, the place we first met. That lovely field in Washington."

My heart froze in my chest. She couldn't mean the baseball field near Forks, could she? "But ... but," I stuttered trying to get my brain moving. "If you start taking people from Forks, you'd have the same problem that you had in Ithaca. People are going to notice."

Banging my already abused head against the wall again, Victoria released my hair, but didn't go far. "Thank you for stating the obvious," she jeered. "But, as I'm sure you're aware, Seattle is just a hop and a skip away and it's brimming full of people for the taking that no one is going to miss, or at least miss enough to cause me any trouble." Then she grinned evilly. "And I think that after we massacre the Cullens, we will have our victory celebration in your little hometown. Yes, that would be just the thing," she chuckled. "Of course, there won't be much of a town left when we get done."

"No! You can't!" I begged. "The townspeople never did anything to you."

Studying her nails, she looked bored rather than moved by my plea. "You say that like it matters."

"Please, do anything to me, I'm the one that James was after, so blame me for what happened to him, but don't hurt those innocent people."

She sighed. "Now, you're boring me," she stated flatly. "And when I get bored, I get annoyed."

And before I could take another breath, she grabbed my hand and squeezed, instantly snapping a number of bones. Somehow, I managed to grit my teeth and not scream at the sudden burning pain, but that changed when she moved to my wrist and jerked it to the side, instantly breaking it as well. The uncontrolled scream burst out of me and echoed off the walls. But even then she wasn't done. Her hand slid up to my forearm and she squeezed again until the two bones in my arm snapped and I screamed again.

"Yes, that was much more entertaining," she said with a grin as she stood up.

My screams died into little gasping sobs and I stared down at my shattered and all but unusable arm as I cradled it in my lap. Nearly as painful as what James had done to me, my arm from my elbow to my fingertips was already turning purple and swelling. The only positive thing was that the breaks had not been bad enough to cause any external bleeding or displacement, well, except for my wrist, which was clearly out of joint, and had my hand turned at the wrong angle in relation to my arm. I tried not to dwell on that point as it made me nauseous.

Victoria's voice floated down to me and I looked up at her as she stood before me. "You know, you should be thanking me. Riley keeps asking if he can have a turn with you, but I've been keeping him away. Part of me wants to let him do what he wants, but he can be a little rough, not to mention ... insatiable and I doubt that you would live through it. Besides, I'm not ready for you to be dead ... yet."

She walked to the door and paused to look back at me. "Right now, I'm hoping that your little fortune teller is seeing exactly what I'm doing to you. If so, I know it will drive her, your stupid, precious Edward, and the rest of them crazy because they'll know that you're alive, but they can't do anything to stop what I'm doing to you." She grinned. "I just wish I could be there to see their faces."

With that, she swept out of the room, closed the door behind her, and a moment later I heard the snick of locks being set and the single light in the ceiling went out leaving me in near total darkness. The only smidgeon of light in the room came from the small, pale sliver that snuck under the door, but it was nowhere near enough to let me actually see the inside of my prison.

While Victoria had been rambling on about her plans, I'd considered trying to write a message on the floor in blood or water maybe for Alice to see, but with it being nearly pitch black in here there was no way that would work. It was too bad that Alice's visions were only silent pictures and didn't include a soundtrack or she'd already know what Victoria was planning. And even if I could write out a message, it still wouldn't help them find where I was since I'd been out cold when Victoria had brought me here and I had no idea where "here" was.

Head, face, and arm throbbing in tempo with every beat of my heart, I was suddenly too exhausted and disheartened to remain sitting up, so I let myself slide down to lay in a ball on the floor with my broken arm resting awkwardly against my chest. When that became too uncomfortable, I eased my arm down beside me on the cold cement, which actually felt good against the burning pain. It wasn't as good as having it wrapped in ice would have been, but at that point, I would take even the tiny amount of relief it provided.

I tried closing my eyes, but when I did, scenes of Esme being ... dismembered, the house burning, and my own arm being broken flashed across the back of my lids, so I gave up and stared into the dark as I reviewed my situation.

It didn't take long.

My situation was, in short, terrible to the point of being hopeless. For as much chance as I had to escape, I might as well have been locked in that hospital room in Florida. Given what I was seeing, or rather _not_ seeing, there was nothing in the room to use as a weapon, and unless the door was going to magically open for me and I managed to get past Victoria and her henchman, there was no way I was getting out of this room unless I was rescued.

Despair tried to edge its way into my heart and I felt those tears that I'd held back earlier threaten to come roaring back as I considered what to do next. My only real option was to stay alive long enough for Edward and the others to find me. I'd already survived a whole of lot of things that I shouldn't have, and I vowed that this would be one more.

That is as long as Victoria didn't decide to kill me first.

**ALICE**

"Darlin,' you need to try and calm down."

Along with the waves of calm he was sending me, Jasper's words were meant to be soothing, but all I felt was annoyance as I paced the luxurious interior of the small jet.

I spun to face him. "How can I be calm when Victoria is hurting Bella?" I all but yelled at him. "I saw her slam Bella into the wall, repeatedly break her arm, and then leave her huddled in the dark. I just can't forget those images."

When the scenes of Bella and a hazy Victoria had first filled my vision four hours earlier, I'd nearly sagged with relief to know Bella was alive and apparently not badly harmed. But the sagging turned to falling to my knees when I'd seen Victoria begin to hurt Bella and I hated the idea that Bella was somewhere hurt and alone.

"It's just like she's back in the hospital again," Rose murmured from the couch on the other side of the cabin as she stared blankly out the window into the night. "Just with a different monster."

Her words sent a long beat of silence through the cabin and Emmett moved closer to sit beside Rose, but he didn't hug her, knowing that she was lost in her own thoughts at the moment and that, like me, she would be annoyed rather than comforted if he tried it. The anxiety level in the plane during this ten-hour flight was off the charts and as much as Jasper was trying to be calm and reassuring, I knew he was just as upset as we were so it made his abilities that much weaker.

"I'm not asking you to forget them," he defended quietly, as if Rose hadn't spoken. "But you can't do anything about them right now. You said yourself that you couldn't see any distinguishing marks or anything else that might tell us where Bella's being held, and I'm concerned that you're going to throw your vision out again by trying to see anything having to do with Victoria."

I waved away his concerns as I resumed pacing. "My vision has been a little hazy at times, usually when I'm trying to look at Victoria directly in my visions of Bella, but I haven't had anything close to what happened before."

A sense of frustration began to seep from Jasper along with the attempt to calm us, and I knew I was trying even his patience. "Fine, then if you're not going to worry about yourself, what about Edward?" he challenged.

That brought me up short and I stopped my pacing again. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we're going to be landing in an hour and Carlisle said Edward is the one meeting us at the airport since he needs to stay with Esme at the lodge. Do you want him seeing those images in your head? I imagine he's barely holding himself together and seeing Bella being hurt by Victoria when he can't help her is going to send him over the edge."

Well, I could hardly argue with him there. I could only imagine the mental and emotional hell Edward was going through. He'd originally left Bella in Forks to protect her and now that she was in mortal danger, he was all but powerless to help her.

When I didn't say anything, Jasper pressed on. "The three of us shouldn't have too much of a problem keeping our thoughts away from the description you gave us of what happened to Bella, especially if we go out searching for Esme's leg, but Edward's going to want to stick with you in case you have any more visions. You know as well as I do that it's harder for you to keep him out of your head when you're upset and unfocused, or in Bella's case uber-focused."

Again, as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't argue with his logic. I sighed and rubbed my forehead absently. For the first time, I realized I had a slight headache, which was surprising, as I didn't think I could ever remember having one before. Maybe I was pushing myself a little hard.

Before I'd had my vision of Bella and Victoria, I'd been able to distract myself by seeing to all the arrangements that needed to be made back in New York. Rose and I had made good use of the onboard phones to set things up not only for our arrival, but to take care of Carlisle, Esme, and Edward until we got there, so I thought it might be just what I needed to distract myself again.

"All right, I guess I could go over the details again to make sure we haven't missed anything," I said picking up my note pad and reading down the list. "We've got Carlisle, Esme, and Edward all set up in the lodge, check. Edward's car is on its way back from New York City and should be waiting for us at the airport, check."

"The Escalade I rented should be waiting for us at the airport's rental office too," Rose put in. "So we should be fixed for vehicles."

I nodded. "Emmett, Jasper, when you go to look for Esme's leg, stop at the house and dig Carlisle's safe out of the debris and bring it back to the lodge along with her leg. It will still be dark when we land, if you go before sunrise and approach the house from the back yard you should be able to avoid any police or fire personnel."

"Okay, boss," Emmett tried to joke.

"We'll take care of it," Jasper put in.

"The big thing is, we'll need to do at least two shopping trips if not more. The first for the basics, since thanks to the fire, the four of us, as well as Carlisle, Esme, Edward, and Bella have nothing but the clothes on our backs; well, at least until Carmen and Eleazar ship our luggage back. The second shopping trip will be much more involved because we'll need everything from electronics to clothes to cookware, but we can do that one once we resolve the situation with Bella and finally decide where we're permanently going to live." An idea struck me then. "Actually, it might be good if start making a list now because ... "

I gasped and the pad and pen slipped from my hands as something flashed into my second sight. I could sense Jasper beside me instantly, but I keep my focus on the picture I was seeing.

Bruised, disheveled, and cradling her broken arm against her body, Bella was standing at a wide utility sink splashing water over her face and using her cupped hand to take a drink from the faucet. Maybe her decision to use the sink was why I was seeing her now, but I couldn't be sure. I think she had gone to the sink in the dark and Victoria had just turned the light on because Bella was squinting and blinking like the light was blinding. She was in the same empty room that I'd seen her in with Victoria before, and again, I was frustrated that there was nothing I could see that would tell me where she was.

Suddenly, the door flew open so hard it bounced against the wall and Bella jumped in surprise as she saw a seething Victoria standing in the doorway. There was nothing revealing about the hallway behind her, it was painted cinderblock like the room, and the light source making it visible was from another fluorescent light fixture.

To my eyes, Victoria still looked hazy, almost like when someone appears on TV but they can't show their face, except not quite as pronounced; I could still make out her features enough that I could tell it was Victoria, but they weren't sharp. Then, from the way I saw Victoria's chest move and from the look on Bella's face as she slowly backed away from her, I guessed that Victoria was screaming at her. Not for the first time, I was frustrated over the fact that my visions were only visual and not auditory so I couldn't hear what was being said.

Victoria slammed the door behind her closing them in and stalked across the small room. Bella didn't even have a chance to backpedal further as Victoria bodily picked her up and hurled her against the wall. There was a small rack mounted on the wall that Bella hit, and I could tell that she had hit it hard before she and the broken pieces of the rack slid down into a dazed heap on the floor.

If I had to guess at the source of Victoria's displeasure, I would say that Bella had used the sink without permission. That idea was further reinforced when I watched Victoria rip it from the wall and toss it in Bella's direction. I frowned when I noticed that Bella didn't so much as flinch when it landed a few feet away from her. I could see Bella was still awake, but she wasn't really moving or even grimacing in pain, and I began to wonder if that hit to the wall had hurt her more than I realized.

As for Victoria, she only seemed to be madder when the newly-torn water supply lines sprayed water over her. In a flash, she was at Bella's feet and reaching down she grasped first one and then other of Bella's ankles, and with a violent twist she wrenched each of them to the side. It took me a moment to realize what she'd done, but the new position of Bella's legs told me I was right.

Victoria had dislocated both her hips.

"NO!" I cried out before I could stop myself.

"What? What's going on, Alice?" Jasper asked, but I didn't acknowledge him as I continued to watch the scene unfold. Even if I'd wanted to turn away from what I was seeing, I knew I wouldn't have been able to.

I expected to see Bella crying or screaming in pain, since I was sure that what Victoria did would have been excruciating, but with dawning horror, I saw that Bella's only reaction was her unbroken hand moving slowly across the floor toward her head, which she touched dazedly. Her legs hadn't moved at all, not even a twitch, which could partially be blamed on them being dislocated, but I just knew it had to be more than that.

"Something's wrong," I murmured.

"What? What's wrong?!" Rose's voice demanded from somewhere to my right, but I didn't answer her.

Victoria seemed just as surprised as I was by Bella's lack of response, but whereas I was concerned by seeing it, it only seemed to send Victoria into another angry frenzy and she began to stomp on both of Bella's legs. With her vampire strength, and the heavy boots Victoria was wearing, there must have been some serious power behind her blows; but except for the slight jerking of her body as Victoria's blows jostled her, Bella still didn't have much of a response.

Finally, mercifully, Victoria seemed to run out of steam and she stood back to look down at the broken doll that Bella had apparently become. Even though she didn't need to breathe, I could see Victoria panting somewhat from emotion and exertion and a little trail of spittle or venom trailed off her chin as she stood back to study her handy work.

Given the even more unnatural angle of Bella's legs, I could tell that both of them were now broken in a number of places, but I didn't see any blood, so they weren't likely to be compound fractures; and still, Bella only laid there in what seemed like a daze. Victoria cocked her head at Bella as if she were trying to figure something out. Then, she nudged one of Bella's legs with the toe of her boot. Getting no response, I could just make out a grin sliding over her hazy features.

Then she threw her head back and laughed.

After a few moments, the humor Victoria apparently saw in the situation ran its course, and after giving Bella another nudge, she turned and left the room.

When the lights went out in the room Bella was being held in, I blinked and brought myself back to the interior of the jet. I noticed then that I was no longer standing, but I was in Jasper's lap, and we were both on the floor with Rose and Emmett standing around us. I didn't remember collapsing, but I must have, or I wouldn't be in that position. I looked at all of them and then at Jasper, but I'm sure he'd already felt my despair and sorrow.

"I think both of Bella's legs are paralyzed."

**BELLA**

_I'd just wanted a drink of water,_ I thought as I stared idly up into the darkness.

And Victoria had been so angry, but I couldn't quite make my lazy brain remember why.

Oh, wait, yes. I had gotten a drink of water from the sink and Victoria hadn't liked it. She kept screaming at me about doing what she told me and not moving, unless she said it was all right. But I didn't see how she could be mad about that because she hadn't told me that the sink was off limits.

And least, I don't think she'd told me that, my brain was a bit fuzzy at the moment, so I couldn't be sure.

I sighed. Before she'd come in, that water had tasted so good. I wish I could have some right now, but my body felt too heavy and too tired to move so I thought it best to just stay where I was.

I wanted to sleep, but my mind, as sluggish as it was, just didn't seem to want to shut off and it kept coming back to Victoria. There was something I was missing or some connection I was not making about what had just happened; all I could remember was Victoria's screaming.

Well, and flying; yes, I remember flying like Superman. I wanted to giggle. I wasn't a man, so I guess it was more like Supergirl. But wait, I wasn't a girl either and wasn't it sexist of the comic book gods to make the male superhero a 'man' but the female a 'girl'? How about Superwoman? Now, there's a superhero I could get behind. I wondered how Superman, oops, I mean Superwoman would do against a vampire. With Superwoman, or Superman for that matter, being impervious to bullets and having super strength, it seems like they'd be a pretty good match for vampires. Now, I did giggle. And if they weren't impervious to vampires, at least our Kryptonian brethren could simply fly away. Even vampires couldn't fly.

I wished I could fly. I missed Edward and all the Cullens. If I could fly away, I would go right to them and never let anyone take me away again. I didn't want to be here any more with Victoria. She was always yelling and stomping around and throwing things. It was like she was a spoiled two-year old that was perpetually throwing a tantrum.

At least my back didn't hurt anymore. When she'd thrown me ... wait, oh, now I remember, I'd been flying because she'd thrown me. What was that old saying, 'it's not the falling that hurts but the sudden stop?' That's what had pretty much happened. She had thrown me and the sudden stop against the wall had hurt really badly, especially my back. But the pain had quickly lessened to tingling and then disappeared all together.

Now, I didn't feel anything.

Well, not in the lower half of my body anyway, my arm and my face still hurt, but it wasn't bad. I could take it, I was tough and I wouldn't cry.

It was strange though; I expected to feel some kind of pain in my legs but I didn't, not that I was complaining, but I also couldn't feel anything below my chest. I wondered why that was. It was like the lower half of my body was asleep or something.

I guess it didn't matter right then. And I was so tired; all I wanted to do was sleep. I could figure out what was going on with my legs later.

After all, I want to be rested for when Edward came to rescue me.

And then we would get married and live happily ever after.

TBC ...

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><p><em><strong>In Two Weeks:<strong>_ The gang comes home from Alaska, Edward finally gets a phone call and the question of Bella's situation will be resolved.


	46. Chapter 46

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note (PLEASE READ):<strong>_ **ANGST ALERT!** This chapter will cover Esme's, Bella's and Edward's POV. Things are definitely coming to a head. Once again, I'd like to remind everyone that I WILL NOT KILL BELLA and there will still be a happy ending for Bella and Edward. We only have this chapter and maybe part of the next one to be angsty and then things will definitely take a turn for the better.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 45:<strong>_ We found out what had happened to Bella and that Victoria showed her no mercy. Alice saw at least part of what was happening, including the fact that something in Bella's back was damaged enough to leave her paralyzed.

Oh, one other note, I posted chapter 45 two weeks ago but was having issues and they weren't sending out e-mail alerts so you may not know about that chapter. Please be sure you've read it before you read this one as it has a lot of Bella's POV in it.

Here we go ...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 46<strong>_

**ESME**

After their plane had landed, Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett had all met Edward and they'd followed him back to the lodge so they would know where it was located. Then Jasper, Emmett, and Rose left to check on the remains on the house and look for my leg and Alice had hit up a number of nearby stores to purchase things that would fulfill our immediate needs. Alice had also been on the phone ordering up any equipment that Jasper might need to trace Victoria's cell phone signal before returning to the lodge with her purchases.

Oh, and for the record, calling the place we were currently living in a 'lodge,' was a bit like calling the White House a 'homestead.' From what Alice told Carlisle, the building with its three floors, two wings, 12 guest suites, a gourmet kitchen, an indoor pool and full spa facilities had once been a popular resort but it had fallen on hard times. Consequently, it had been closed three years ago and put up for sale, but had never had any serious buyers. However, Alice, being the persuasive little thing she was, had been able to rent it for us for as long as we needed it. Luckily for us, the owners had seen to it that it had been well-maintained so everything still worked, probably to make sure that they could get the most in resale value for it would be my guess; as a bonus, it still had most of the furniture in it so we were able to make use of that, as well.

Oddly enough, I really liked it. It was set deep in the woods with no neighbors around, and while it was much more rustic than our usual homes, and didn't have as many windows as we liked, there was a definite charm and warmth to it. With a little remodeling and decorative touches, I could see us using this as a home down the road. Although right now, we were renting it from the owners, it was technically still for sale, so once this mess was resolved, I made a mental note to ask everyone what they thought about purchasing it.

"LUCY, we're home!" came Emmett's bellow from the foyer of the lodge.

"In here, Emmett," Carlisle said from the seat in between Edward and I in what we'd termed the 'Great Room' due to its enormous size and massive fire place.

I was seated on a wide sofa with Carlisle beside me and Edward sitting in a large oversized chair on his other side. Since I was still missing my leg, I had to be carried everywhere. Carlisle had wanted me to rest on a bed in one of the guest suites, but I'd vehemently refused. I wanted to be near Edward, even if all he did was sit in the same chair with Victoria's phone sitting on the arm, looking at nothing. Besides, I'd argued to Carlisle that my arm was completely healed, and after he and Edward had seen to it that I was fed almost to bursting, my strength was fully restored. Now, all I needed was my leg and to get Bella back, and things and would be right as rain.

Emmett came in first, carrying the large fire-proof safe that had been in Carlisle's office and was now black with soot and burn marks that I tried and failed to ignore. It had been difficult not to mourn the loss of our house and all the possessions in it, but when that sadness threatened to overwhelm me, I remembered that we currently did have a roof over our heads, we were all alive and, for the most part, together, and most importantly, that with Bella still missing we had bigger things to worry about.

"Where do you want it?" he asked.

"Over in the corner, Emmett, thank you," Carlisle instructed. "We can remove its contents later."

"Was there anything left of the house?" I asked hopefully.

Rose, who had come in right behind Emmett, looked grim as we watched Emmett gently set the safe down with a soft thump. "No, it's almost a total loss. Besides the safe, the only things I think we might be able to salvage are some of my metal tools from the garage and a few assorted metal and pottery items that didn't melt completely in the fire. The fire must have been very hot, even the cars are gone, and most things we saw were completely unrecognizable as anything other than melted lumps."

She must have seen my disappointed and demoralized look because she softened her tone. "There could be some things I missed. I didn't get to look through the debris as thoroughly as I would have liked before it got late enough that Alice said the authorities would be showing up. We could still find something later when they officially allow us in to look."

I did my best to smile at her, appreciating the fact that she was trying to soften the blow. "Thank you, Rose."

Then, out in the entry, the heavy, wooden front door slammed. "Someone here lose something?" came Jasper's voice as he walked back to the great room. As he entered the room, I saw that in his arms he was carrying a long skinny bundle wrapped in a tarp.

Now, I really was hopeful. "Is that what I think it is?"

He grinned. "If you think it's your wayward leg, then yes. Just like Alice said, Emmett found it up in a tree about a mile from the house."

In full doctor mode, Carlisle stood up and went to him. "Is it in good condition?" he asked running his hands over the bundle.

Jasper nodded. "Yes, it looked very good actually. Its trip through the trees didn't seem to do it much damage."

"Please put it over on the sideboard so we can unwrap it and I can take a look at it," Carlisle said. Without a word, Jasper carried it over to a large, chest-high cabinet set along one wall of the room. "Rose, did you get the supplies I asked for?"

She held up a large paper shopping bag. "Right here, Carlisle."

"Thank you," he said, taking the bag from her and carrying it over to the sideboard.

While he and Jasper gently unwrapped my leg, I looked over at Emmett. "Thank you for finding my leg."

He grinned a bit shyly at my praise. "Well, we couldn't very well have you hopping around here like a pogo-stick, now could we?"

Then, he glanced at Edward who had done nothing to even acknowledge their presence or the return of my leg. "Hey Eddie, how you doin'?"

I knew Emmett had called him "Eddie" to see what kind of a rise he could get out of Edward. Normally, Edward would have growled at him or made some comment about the name "Eddie," which he hated with a vengeance, but now, he just remained where his was, no more animated than a statue.

"He's been like that since you left to look for my leg," I told Emmett quietly. "He just sits in that chair with the phone by his hand ... waiting."

"Is that the phone the bitch left?" Emmett said with a mixture of anger, bitterness, and curiosity.

Normally, I would have admonished him for his language and the generally disparaging term for the female gender, but in this case, I personally thought his description of Victoria was right on the nose, so I let it pass. "Yes. She said she would call, but not when."

Walking over to where Edward sat, Emmett reached out to pick it up off the arm of the chair. In a lighting fast move, Edward's hand flashed out and grabbed his wrist.

Still staring at nothing, Edward's voice was only a growl when he spoke. "DO. NOT. TOUCH. IT."

No one was more surprised by Edward's actions than Emmett. "All right, man, don't get upset," Emmett reassure him. "I was just going to look at it." Then an odd look crossed his face. "Ease up on my wrist, dude."

I blinked in surprise and realized that the look on Emmett's face had been pain. Emmett being Emmett, and therefore much bigger and generally tougher and stronger than everyone else, was not used to feeling physical pain. Jasper and Carlisle had even turned to watch the unfolding scene and I could tell they were trying to decide if they should intervene.

"Edward," I said, trying to speak firmly and in my best mom voice. "Let go of him."

Instantly, and without apology, Edward let go of Emmett's wrist and his hand dropped back to arm of the chair. Still not saying anything or in any other way acknowledging us, his fingers lightly stroked the side of the phone almost as it were a pet.

Absently rubbing his wrist and eyeing Edward warily, Emmett moved to stand over by Rose, who tried to break the very pregnant silence. "Um, we probably should get a charger for the phone," Rose suggested. "If the battery goes dead, we will have no way for Victoria to contact us."

I nodded. "I think Alice asked for one to be sent over with the other electronic equipment she ordered for Jasper," I supplied. "They're going to try and trace the signal when Victoria does call, so even if she doesn't tell us where Bella is, we'll have a way to at least narrow down the location. I think all the equipment will be delivered in a couple of hours."

Jasper's part of whatever he and Carlisle were doing with my leg seemed to be finished and he walked over to us. "Where's Alice?"

"She's upstairs," I said. "She took what she bought and she is making up some of the bedrooms and bathrooms for us so we can all get cleaned up."

"I'm going to go check in with her," Jasper said before disappearing out of the room.

After watching him go, I turned back to Edward and watched worriedly as he continued to stroke the cell phone. I had been a little surprised that Edward had let Alice out of his sight, or at least out of his mental 'hearing' distance to go shopping earlier, but I chalked that up to the fact that as hard as she'd tried to keep him out of her head, he'd apparently seen enough that her continued presence hadn't been necessary. All that Alice had told Carlisle and I was that she saw Bella being held in a windowless room that she couldn't identify the location of and that she thought she was in bad shape physically but was still alive.

Mentally, I sighed. Why hadn't Victoria called? It had been nearly eighteen hours since she'd taken Bella and still no word. What was she waiting for? Why was she dragging this out? What purpose did it serve other than to torment us?

Then again, maybe tormenting us was the whole point.

**BELLA**

It seemed like I'd only closed my eyes a moment earlier when I heard someone calling my name. A little annoyed, I resisted the urge to listen to the voice and I kept my eyes shut. I was cold, wet, sore, and tired, why couldn't the voice just let me be?

The voice, however, had different ideas and it was very persistent. With an angry protest on my lips, I opened my eyes and saw ...

Nothing.

I blinked again just to make sure that my eyes were actually open, when it finally penetrated into my brain that they were indeed open, I realized I couldn't see anything because there was nothing to see. Wherever I was, it almost pitch black.

Then the truth washed over me. Being taken by Victoria. The dark, windowless room with the bare concrete floor. Victoria yelling and breaking things ... breaking me.

Panicking a little at the thought I sat up, or tried to. My body didn't seem to want to cooperate, and all I managed to do was lift my shoulders off the ground a few inches. I tried to get my arms behind me but the second my left hand touched the ground I hissed in pain.

Oh, that's right, Victoria had broken hand and arm, so it would be no help in getting me upright. Undeterred, I tried to use just my right hand to boost myself up, but again, I didn't get far. Trying to shift my legs to get myself in a better position, I quickly realized that my legs weren't doing what my brain was telling them to do. If I'd been panicked before, it was nothing to what I felt when I realized that not only could I not move my legs, but I couldn't feel them either.

Were my legs asleep?

Reaching down with my uninjured hand, I felt what should have been my hip, but it felt strange. While my hand encountered the physical mass of my hip, my brain had no corresponding record from my hip that said it had been touched. I reached down as far as I could go while I was still on my back, which was just to the top of my thigh and got the same response, or more accurately, lack of response. Moving my hand back up, I ran it over my abdomen; it too had that same lack of feeling.

I kept waiting for the tingles that would tell me that my lower half had just fallen asleep from lying on the hard concrete and was now waking up.

But they never came.

"_And they never will,"_ a gentle voice said from beside me. _"You're paralyzed."_

Whipping my head toward the voice, a movement which my battered head did NOT appreciate, I blinked rapidly as I tried to bring what I was seeing into focus. A form sat cross-legged on the floor beside me, his outline and features touched with a pale glow. Almost as if he were a ghost or had been sprayed with a thin coating of phosphorescent paint.

"_Hello, Bella,"_ he said with a sad smile.

I blinked. "Anthony?"

"_In the luminescent flesh,"_ he replied.

The fact that he was there couldn't be good news. While on one level I was happy to see him after such a long absence, and because at least with him there I wasn't completely alone in the dark, I knew he only showed up when things got really bad for me mentally and/or physically.

"I thought I wouldn't see you again."

"_Well, you almost didn't. If things weren't so dire now, I still wouldn't be speaking to you after that stunt you pulled by jumping out of the bedroom window. Thank God Edward was there to catch you." _Putting his elbow on knee, he rested his chin on his fist and sighed. _"On the other hand, I can't be too mad at you for it, after all, it was the push you needed to get your life back."_ He smiled._ "And I'm really happy that you finally worked things out with Edward."_

My brain was having trouble keeping up and what he'd said a few moments ago kept reverberating in my head. "Wait, back up a minute, did you say I was ..." I had trouble getting the word out. "... paralyzed?"

His expression turned grim as he clasped his hands in his lap and looked at me with eyes full of sympathy. _"I'm afraid so, honey."_

I didn't want to believe it ... couldn't believe it. "No, you're wrong," I argued. "My legs are just asleep. I've been lying on this cold, hard concrete too long. They'll wake up once I'm out of here."

Anthony slowly shook his head. _"No, Bella, they won't. When Victoria threw you against that rack on the wall, it damaged your spine; your legs are paralyzed."_

I remembered Victoria coming in to find me using the sink and how mad she was, but I only had vague memories of her shoving me against the wall. And I didn't remember it hurting that much. Wouldn't it have hurt a lot if I'd injured my spine?

"No, I'm not paralyzed!" I denied. "Stop saying that!"

As usual, he didn't let my anger bother him. _"Bella, you know very well that I have never lied to you. Why would I start now? I have no reason to." _He stared at me for a long moment. _"And consider this, I'm inside your head, so I only know what you know. The difference is, I'm able to face the truth and so far, you haven't been able to."_

It seemed inconceivable. Could he be telling me the truth? Could my legs really be paralyzed?

"No..." I said with a little sob.

Frantic now and eager to prove him wrong, I ran my hand over my lower half, pinching and hitting any part of my body that I could reach. I could feel the touches and hits on the areas above where my ribs started but below that, it was like hitting a bag of wet cement. Then I flung my good arm out to grab anything to help pull myself up and prove that I was okay, but except for the smooth wall beside me and the bits of plastic and metal that surrounded me on the floor, there was nothing.

But when my hand encountered a rather large, jagged piece of metal that was apparently wedged beneath my hips and I hadn't even felt it, I could no longer deny that truth Anthony was talking about.

My legs were paralyzed.

I couldn't hold back the tears. "Is it permanent?"

"_I honestly don't know,"_ he said softly.

I didn't even bother to swipe at the tears as they continued to fall. "God, and I thought being clumsy was bad. If I make it out of this alive, I'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life." The tears were flowing so hard by then that even Anthony's glowing form was no more than a blur.

"_Hey, there is no 'if',"_ he told me firmly. _"You will get out of this. You have to remain strong for Edward and the Cullens. I'm sure they're doing everything they can to get you back."_

"Oh, God, Edward and the Cullens," I said dissolving into a new round of sobs. "I'll be even more of a drag on them than I was before. A cripple in a houseful of perfect beings, oh yeah, that will be fun." I started to laugh, and even I could hear the edge of hysteria in it. "Well, I guess at the very least I'll be able to get Alice a good parking spot at the mall."

"_STOP IT, BELLA!" _Anthony bellowed. "I know you've had a shock, but this is not the time to throw yourself a pity party."

I laughed again, but this time, it was more bitter than hysterical. "Oh, I think now's a perfect time for a pity party. I'm in clutches of a crazy vampire who hates the very sight of me and wants nothing more than to kill me as slowly and painfully as possible and then turn around and kill everyone I love. When would be a better time?"

"_When you're out of here and you know for sure if the paralysis is permanent."_

I took in a breath but it sounded more like a sob. "Come on, Anthony. It's just you and me. I'm not leaving here alive and you know it."

"_No, I don't know it. What I do know is that for you to have any chance of making out of here, you need to get it together."  
><em>

"Why should I?!" I shouted back, anger temporarily pushing back my tears.

"_Because you're still alive and that's not a small thing."_

Even though it was dark and I knew he couldn't see them, I rolled my eyes. "What's that old saying, 'that and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee'?"

He sighed in frustration. _"Bella, you've faced some pretty big odds before and you still came out the other side. It looked like James was going to kill you at the dance studio, but you managed to make it out of there,"_ he pointed out.

"Yes, because Edward and the rest of the Cullen's found me before he finished the job," I replied. "But now Victoria has me hidden away where they apparently can't find me, and she is more than eager to finish what James started and then some. No matter what happens to me, she's going after them next and they have no idea she's coming or what's she's planning."

His voice was very quiet when he replied. _"Then that's just another reason you need to hold it together and not give up. You are the only one that can warn them about what she's planning. You can't do that if you're dead."_

Okay, so he had a very solid point there. Aside from perhaps Riley, I was the only one who knew what Victoria was planning for the Cullens and for the town of Forks. If they had any chance of surviving the coming storm, I would have to be around to warn them.

The thought settled into my brain and my heart and I could feel myself calm as a new resolve began to take hold. If it was physically possible, I would do everything I could to stay alive long enough to tell Edward and the Cullens what I knew.

Anthony suddenly looked up. _"Someone's coming."_

My head turned toward the door and I heard the sound of approaching footsteps. I prayed that Victoria, or whomever it was, would just walk past the door and not come in. Having her come in would almost certainly mean more pain.

Despite my silent pleas, the door opened, but this time Victoria was not alone and she hadn't bothered to turn on the light before she'd come in and then closed the door behind them. I didn't think that could be a good sign. While vampires could see in the dark just fine, I figured that wasn't the case in Alice's visions and she would not be able to see what happened next.

I didn't know if that was a blessing or a curse.

I heard their footsteps cross the room and I sensed rather then saw them stop next to me. Anthony had risen to his feet as they'd come in and he was standing near my head. Then Victoria's voice floated out of the dark.

"Hello, Bella. I know you can't see him, but I'm sure you remember Riley."

"Hey, Bella," came his smooth voice.

As if I could forget Riley. In addition to what he'd done back at the house, hadn't Victoria also told me that he had wanted a turn with me but she hadn't let him because he was a little too rough and she wasn't ready for me to be dead yet?

No, this couldn't be good.

"_Bella, don't give up,"_ Anthony said obviously reading my mind which was not surprising since he was inside my head. _"You're not alone. I'll be with you."_

"While I'm sure that our time together has been as fun for you as it has for me, it's time for you and Riley to take one last little trip, Bella," Victoria said pleasantly, as if she were talking about a trip to the grocery store. "But this time, I don't want the little fortune teller to see where you're going, so it's time for you to go nighty-night."

I opened my mouth to say something, but never had a chance.

The first blow struck my chest and I would have screamed at the pain if it hadn't stolen my breath. The second struck my head and lights exploded behind my eyes right before everything went truly and completely black.

**EDWARD**

"Edward?" Carlisle said, as he sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of me.

I ignored him just as I'd ignored pretty much everyone else, except for Emmett when he tried to touch the phone at my fingertips. I had a vague impression that Carlisle had reattached Esme's leg and it was currently dark outside, but I didn't especially care about the time other than to know Bella had been gone for roughly 36 hours.

In all the years that my heart had been silent, I'd never felt more dead inside than I did at that moment. The idea of Bella being at the mercy of someone as sadistic as Victoria and there was nothing I could do about it, tore me apart inside. To make matters worse, the glimpses I'd seen in Alice's mind of what had been happening to Bella were almost crippling.

When I didn't respond to Carlisle's verbal inquiry, he tried again, this time mentally. _"Edward? I know you're in there and that you can hear me. I need to talk to you about Bella."_

At the mention of her name, my eyes finally flicked to his, but I stared at him without saying a word.

"_Good, now that I have your attention, Esme and I were talking about Bella,"_ he mentally continued. _"When you were looking through Esme's thoughts, did you see the discussion she had with Bella before Victoria arrived?"_

"No," I replied. I'd focused more on Esme's memories after Victoria had arrived than before.

"_Esme tells me that Bella expressed a strong desire for you to change her."_

I tried not to flinch. If I'd changed her months or even weeks ago, Bella would likely still be here with me. As a newborn, she, along with Esme, would have been a very good match against Victoria and her accomplice, if not an overmatch.

Carlisle continued. _"Edward, there's no delicate way to put this, so I'm just going to say it. When we get Bella back from Victoria and we find out if her injuries are as severe as Alice thinks they are or will be, we may have to take drastic measures to save her. You are the one closest to her and in this case, you are the only one that can speak for her." _He paused._ "I've got a full medical suite set up to treat her, but if it comes to it, do you want to change her?"_

I didn't even hesitate. "Yes, anything to keep her with me."

He nodded._ "Good, I agree with your decision and I know that everyone in the family supports it. That being said, I have an idea that might speed up the process and get as much venom into her as possible as quickly as possible." _

Mentally, he outlined his plan. It involved collecting my venom and when the time came, injecting it directly into Bella's heart, femoral artery, and a number of other areas of the body that carried large amounts of blood, thereby spreading it through the body much faster than just trying to bite her would. I quickly saw it was a very good plan.

"What do you need me to do?" I said without preamble. Now that I had something to focus on, something that could potentially save Bella, I couldn't do it fast enough.

He blinked at me in surprise. Clearly, he hadn't expected my quick and affirmative response and it took him a moment to absorb it. "I can use my own venom to do it if you'd prefer," he offered.

"No, Bella would want it to be mine and so do I."

He nodded. "All right, then come with me," he finally said. "I'm all set up in the other room."

Keeping the phone carefully cupped in one hand, I followed him to the make-shift clinic he'd set up in what had been the dining room. I'd had a vague impression of Emmett and Jasper bringing in lot of supplies and equipment earlier, but now I saw the scope of what Carlisle had done. In place of the large banquet style dining room table was a gurney and along the walls were various pieces of medical equipment from an x-ray machine and a ventilator to a defibrillator and a sonogram machine. There were also a number of rolling cases that looked to contain a full supply of tools, supplies, and medications he might need if he had to perform surgery on Bella.

"I'd rather treat Bella in a hospital, but there would be too many questions, and it would be more difficult to change her and get her out of the hospital quickly, so I've managed to pull together everything I thought I might need." I nodded in approval and without further comment, he led me over to a table he'd set up in the corner.

When it came to collecting my venom, what it finally came down to was me practically being milked like a snake. I let my venom flow from my mouth into a wide beaker and, using a glass funnel, Carlisle divided the pale, nearly clear liquid into a number of syringes, which he then placed in his bag to be ready at a moment's notice.

Despite my protests, Carlisle insisted I feed to replenish any fluids I'd lost from being 'milked.' He didn't let the fact that I refused to leave the house or the phone deter him. Instead, he had Emmett go out and get me something to drink. With my mood the way it was, the deer he brought back me had the taste of sawdust in my mouth, but it satisfied Carlisle enough for him to leave me alone to brood again.

Well, I was never really alone. Even though I ignored everyone, it hadn't escaped my notice that I was never left by myself. Everyone but Alice appeared to take a turn sitting with me even if we didn't speak.

As for me, my mind seemed to spin in various directions as images of Bella bombarded me.

Bella laughing in our meadow.

At the prom in that lovely blue dress.

The first day I'd seen her in the lunchroom at Forks High School.

The scent of her filling my senses to overflowing.

Our first kiss.

The first time she said she loved me.

Her face in passionate release as we made love.

I was jerked out of those thoughts when the cell phone under my fingers began to ring.

Everyone but Jasper, who had moved to the cell phone signal tracing equipment they'd set up, instantly surrounded me. In my haste to snatch up the phone, I nearly dropped it, but I managed to keep hold of it without crushing it.

"Where is she?!" I demanded without preamble.

"Hello, Edward. How are you?" Victoria said in a voice that was calm and unconcerned.

"Where is she, Victoria?!" I repeated.

On the other end of the line, Victoria let out a girlish, high-pitched giggle. "You know, Edward, once upon a time I would have appreciated you getting right to the point. But now ... " her voice trailed off. " ... well, let's just say, I'm having too much fun for that, so I'm going to answer your question in my own way and in my own good time."

It was all I could do not to close my fist around the phone and crush it into dust, but even through my rage, I knew I had to keep her talking. "Tell me ... NOW?" I said again.

"Here's a little interesting fact. Did you know that there are roughly 206 bones in the average human body?" she asked.

I suspected where she was going with the question and the implications threatened to chill me to the core, but if I was going to be any help to Bella, I had to remain focused and not let Victoria pull me into her games.

"Do not make me ask you again," I growled. "Where is she?"

She continued to ignore my repeated question. "In the last day and a half, I'm guessing that I've managed to break at least a third of those bones in your precious Bella's fragile little body. After the first ten or twenty breaks, she even stopped screaming. Oh, and her legs are paralyzed. I'm afraid that I got a little upset with her and wasn't quite as gentle as I should have been. Sorry about that." Everyone around me gasped and I didn't need to read their minds to know they were as horrified as I was.

My vision went red and I had to force the image of a broken Bella from my mind. "I'm going to kill you."

She laughed again and the sound was in complete opposition to her words. "I know you're going to try, but you'll have to catch me first, and after the little trip you made to Texas and South America earlier this year, we both know that your tracking skills leave a lot to be desired."

I didn't rise to her bait, but if it was the last thing I did, I would end Victoria's existence. "If you tell me where she is now, I'll make your death quick, if you don't, I promise it will be as long and painful as I can possibly make it," I vowed.

She wasn't laughing now, but she also didn't sound afraid. "No, I don't think I will tell you. I don't remember you telling me what you did with James. As I recall, I had to find his ashes buried in a dumpster next to the burned out ruins of that dance studio in Phoenix," she said with quiet anger. "You see, Edward, I've been dead inside since the day you and your family killed James over that pathetic little human girl. So even if, by some miracle, you manage to find me and tear me apart like you keep promising, it will only be a formality. I've got nothing to lose."

I decided it was time to try playing little offense. "James wasn't your mate, Victoria," I taunted. "He never loved you."

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone and I knew I'd surprised her. "You don't know what you're talking about," she finally said.

"Of course, I do. I'm a mind reader, remember?" I told her, and it was the truth. "He thought no more of you than a hunter feels for his mount."

"That's a lie!" she hissed, but I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince me or herself.

"No, I'm only telling you what I saw in James' mind before we killed him. He was wishing you were with him in Phoenix because he prized your ability to escape. That's all you were to him, a means to an end. He used you, played with you, but you were never more than a convenience to him. It must be an empty feeling knowing you loved someone who didn't care for you in return."

"YOU'RE LYING!" she screamed into the phone.

I knew I could only push her so far or she'd just hang up and we'd never know where she had Bella. "WHERE IS SHE?!" I roared instead.

She didn't answer for a long time and I thought maybe she had hung up, but I could still hear her angry breathing. Then, finally, she spoke. "I was the one that set the orderly on her in the hospital in Florida," she said simply.

To say I was stunned into silence was an understatement.

"You have nothing to say to that, do you?" she sneered.

I exchanged a look with Alice and Rose who appeared to be just as surprised as I was. "That's not possible."

"I hate to disagree with you, but with the right motivation, many things are possible," she replied lightly. "After you killed James, I made a trip to Seattle and created myself a new partner in Riley. Then, we took a trip to Forks. Imagine my surprise when I found out that not only had the mighty Cullens up and left town, but they had also left their precious little Isabella all alone."

I closed my eyes. If only we'd been there, we might have been able to stop Victoria right then and there. I also wouldn't have hurt Bella by leaving and she wouldn't be in mortal peril now.

Victoria laughed harshly as she continued. "You should have seen her, so sad and pathetic. She didn't even know Riley and I watched her for weeks. It was all I could do to keep Riley from draining and killing her. You know how thirsty newborns are."

I looked over at Jasper to see if he had made any progress on her location, but he shook his head. "She's definitely within a 100 mile radius of Ithaca, but I'm still trying to pin it down more than that," he told us, keeping his voice low enough that it wouldn't carry over the phone and spook Victoria into hanging up.

"We heard her father on the phone arranging to have her mother take her to Florida, and even though we had to travel at night and on cloudy days to keep from being seen, we made our way down there," she continued. "We stopped for a snack in Tennessee when we I found the big guy. I don't even remember his name, Joe or Don or Dan, one of those three letter names. Anyway, he was just a random drunk-off-his-ass human pissing in an alley behind a bar. At first, I was going to drain him, but there was something about him, I could tell he was very ... dark. I liked that about him."

"You would," I couldn't help but mutter.

"Aw, Eddie, don't be bitter," she teased. "Now, where was I. Oh, yes! Tennessee. In hindsight, I almost wish I'd turned him instead of Riley, as he would have made a much better errand boy, and goodness knows he couldn't possibly whine any more than Riley does, but one newborn at a time was all the trouble I wanted to deal with back then, so I let the human live. I did, however, enjoy using him as a diversion while I sent Riley to scout out the house where Bella's mother lived in Florida."

Victoria all but purred as she remembered. "He liked sex rough, rough for a human anyway, not that it hurt me in the least and he had quite a lot of ... stamina for a human male. I don't think he knew what we were, but if he did, it didn't seem to bother him." She sounded self-satisfied and almost wistful as she went on. "He told me how he had been a medic in the military and that he was good with computers. At the time, I didn't care, but when Riley came back and told me that your pathetic human had been put in a hospital, I saw it as an omen and an opportunity."

She laughed again. "And the rest, as they say, is history. He falsified his records and got the job at the hospital with no problem. The plan was for him to have his fun with your darling Bella and then kill her for me. I promised him money and sex and whatever else he wanted if he did it. I lied, of course. I might have killed Riley and changed him instead, but it's more likely that I would have just drained him dry and moved on." She sighed. "Unfortunately, we'll never know because your two little bitch sisters got to him first."

It took me the longest time to even form a response. Clearly, I had vastly underestimated Victoria and it was going to cost Bella dearly. "You vile, despicable bitch," was all I could think to say. I wouldn't normally use such language, but in this case I just couldn't help myself.

"Now, now, sticks and stones ... " she chanted. With as much laughing and giggling she'd done, I'd expected her to do more, but this time her girly voice was low and deadly serious. "I'm exactly what you and your family made me when you killed James."

Enraged, I clenched my jaw so hard it was a wonder I didn't fracture my teeth. "WHERE'S BELLA?!" I screamed at her again.

Now she did laugh. "We all want things, Edward. I want James back, but that's not going to happen." She paused. "I'm guessing what you want is to know where you can find your precious Bella."

"YES!"

"Well, how does it feel to want what you can't have?" she asked quietly.

I was so tired of asking this question, but if it led me to Bella, then I would ask it forever. "Just tell me where she is."

"Sorry, Edward, that's for me to know and for you to find out."

And with that she hung up.

"VICTORIA!" I screamed, getting no response but dead air. Without thinking, and before anyone could stop me, I hurled the phone into the far wall where it fractured into multiple pieces.

"Jasper!" Rose called. "Tell us you got something."

He stared at the computer screen. "She's using one of three cell towers, each within a five mile radius of Ithaca."

Emmett slammed his fist into his palm. "Then we'll split up and examine the area around each one until we find Bella."

My head whipped toward Alice who had sunk down into a chair. In her mind, I saw a picture had begun to flicker to life.

She gave a little cry as the scene unfolded. "Bella's not in Ithaca."

"But that's where Victoria is," Jasper argued. "Or at least that's where her cell phone is."

"Victoria may be there but Bella is ... " her voice trailed off and a look of first elation and then horror crossed her face as her gaze met mine. "Oh, my God. I know where Bella is."

I saw the answer in her mind and I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Her voice was strangled when she spoke before I could make my own mouth form the words.

"The landfill, the C&D Hakes Landfill."

TBC...

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><p>Okay, I'm passing out cyber paper bags to anyone that might be hyperventilating right now. Please just breathe and bear with me.<p>

The scene with Edward talking to Victoria is something I've had 80% written since the start of this story. That along with landfill scene coming up in the next chapter were some of my earliest bits and pieces of this story. Did you all enjoy seeing Anthony again? I've had a lot of requests to have him back.

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><p><strong><em>In Two Weeks:<em>** We get a quick glimpse from Bella's POV and the gang races to the landfill to find her.


	47. Chapter 47

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ **This is another angst alert **(But I think this will be the last truly angsty chapter)! This chapter will cover Bella's, Alice's and Edward's POV. Not to sound like a broken record but I WILL NOT KILL BELLA and there will still be a happy ending.

_**Previously in Chapter 46: **_Esme worried about a too quiet and Emmett found Esme's leg and retrieved the safe from the burned out remains of the house. Bella continued talking to Anthony, until Victoria came in with Riley. Finally, Edward was a basket case until Victoria called to taunt him about Bella ...

I tried to post this chapter a number of times on Saturday but the website was having issues and wouldn't let me. Sorry for the delay.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 47<strong>_

**BELLA**

I was floating again, my mind drifting along lazily.

But then there was that stupid voice; the one that wouldn't let me float away completely.

"_Bella? Bella! Come on, honey, you need to open those pretty brown eyes," _it said. _"Alice can't see you if you don't."_

That finally broke through my lethargy and spiked some interest. "Alice?" I tried to say, but I wasn't sure that it came out very loud.

"_Yes, Alice. And if Alice can see you, then Edward will come and get you."_

"Edward?" I said my voice now a little louder.

"Shut up!" another voice snapped.

And with that, I seemed to slam back into my body; which was not a pleasant experience by any means.

The lower half of my body was still numb, but the rest of my body was making up for it. My head was splitting, and on top of the other now familiar pains in my arm and face, my chest was on fire to the point that it felt like I was inhaling broken glass with every breath. Part of my brain registered that it was really cold outside, but oddly, I didn't feel really feel cold or the need to shiver; instead I just felt drowsy. The sense of floating I'd felt was because I was being carried - and none too carefully. I worked hard to focus my vision on whose arms were holding me.

It was Riley.

He was also the one that had told me to shut up. While I didn't want to be held by him at all, I was in no position to argue the point and I was at least thankful that he was carrying me bridal style instead of slung over his shoulder. I didn't think my chest could have handled it if he'd been carrying me like a bag of dog food. From the cold wind that was brushing over my face, I had the feeling that we were running, but it was dark, so I didn't know where we were or where we were going.

"_He's a real peach, isn't he?"_ came the other voice, the one that had woken me.

Shifting my eyes again, I worked hard to bring the form walking beside us into focus. As he had back in that locked room, he was glowing with an inner light. "Anthony?"

Riley gave me a little shake and sent new waves of pain through my chest. "I said be quiet!" he growled in annoyance.

"_Talk to me in your head, it will be easier on your chest and he won't hear you,"_ Anthony suggested as he easily kept pace with us.

I stared at him and concentrated on doing as he suggested. _"Where am I?"_ I mentally said and he was right; it was much easier on my chest when I communicated this way.

He looked around us. _"Hmm, I'm not sure. The woods I think, but I have no idea where he's headed. Victoria just said you were going on one last trip."_

I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to this question, but I asked it anyway. _"What do you think he's going to do with me?"_

Anthony looked at me. _"I think he's going to try and kill you. But we're not going to let him do that."_

If I wasn't terrified and in so much pain, I think I would have laughed at that. _"And how do you propose we stop him? He's a vampire who gets his jollies from tearing off other vampire's appendages, you're my imaginary friend, half my body is paralyzed and the other half is one big throbbing pain. It doesn't sound like the odds are in our favor."_

He frowned at me. _"Hey now, what happened to all that resolve earlier about staying alive so you could tell the Cullens what Victoria is planning?"_

I had nearly forgotten about that. Ugh, my brain felt like mush. _"Okay, okay, you have a point there."_

"_Look, just don't give up, that's all I ask,"_ he said. _"It's like that old saying, 'it's not over till the fat lady sings'."_

Still staring at Anthony, I was quiet for a moment. _"As long as I'm still breathing, I won't give up," _I promised him with as much conviction as I could muster.

He grinned. _"Good, because I know that if you stay alive long enough, Edward will come for you."_

That reminded my sluggish brain of something I wanted to ask him. _"Anthony?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Do you think that if ..."_ I amended my statement. _"... I mean, 'when' Edward finds me that..."_

He frowned. _"What?"_

"_That, if I asked him, he'd change me?"_

There was no hesitation in his answer. _"Yes. In fact, I think he may change you whether you ask him to or not."_

I blinked in surprise. _"You sound pretty sure of yourself." _Given that he was inside my head, he seemed to be much more sure than I felt.

"_Think about it, Bella. Edward wants you with him and he would never let you die when he had it in his power to save you. And then there's the fact that he would never and I mean NEVER let you suffer when he could stop it. Even his leaving you in Forks was because he was trying, in his own twisted, screwed up way, to help you have a happy life." _

I thought about that._ "And he did promise not to do anything like leave me ever again."_

"_This is what I'm talking about,"_ Anthony said with a grin. Then his head snapped up as he noticed something. _"Oh, I see some lights up ahead. I wonder if that's where we're going?"_

I slowly swung my head around and focused on some lights that were rapidly getting bigger. _"What is it?"_

"_I don't know." _

Given Riley's speed, we seemed to reach the lights within a few seconds and he slowed to a walk. There seemed to be a lot of chain link fencing, a large gate, some signs that I couldn't quite get my eyes to focus on and a terrible odor in the air; something like a dumpster that hadn't been emptied in a very long time.

"_Phew, it stinks."_ I observed.

I expected Anthony to make some sarcastic comment, "like thank you Captain Obvious," but he was busy looking at something with a deep frown of concentration. Then, he looked back at me with a very serious expression on his face.

"_Okay, Bella, I need you to listen to me very carefully."_

"_Kay."_

"_I want you to look at that big sign over there before Riley moves away from it,"_ he directed as he pointed toward a section of the fence. _"Do you see the one I mean?"_

I blinked a number of times and squinted. _"The green one under the lights?"_

"_Yes, exactly. I need you to focus all of your attention on it. You need to see what it says. I mean, you need to concentrate on it like you've never concentrated before. If we're going to save your life and help Alice to find you, then you HAVE to focus on the sign and read what it says."_

"_Okay. I'll try."_

"_No, don't try!" _he snapped._ "DO IT! Your life may depend on it." _

I wanted to be annoyed with him but I couldn't muster the energy. _"All right, all right. You don't have to yell at me."_

"_If yelling at you is what it takes to get you to focus, then that's what I'll do,"_ he growled back. _"Now, read it in your mind and keep reading it over and over again, but do it mentally so the jerk weed carrying you doesn't hear what you're doing."_

"_Okay." _

Locking my eyes on the sign he had indicated, I blinked hard and concentrated. Slowly, the words came into focus.

C ... C&D... Hakes ... Sanitary ... Landfill ... Painted Post ... NY.

I put everything together and mentally said them to myself._ "C&D Hakes Sanitary Landfill, Painted Post, New York." _I kept reading them and repeating them to myself until Riley, who was clearly unaware of what I was doing, jumped over the fence and we were in the dark again.

"_I hope Alice saw that,"_ I told Anthony who had jumped over fence with us.

"_I bet she did, but just to be sure, keep thinking about the sign,"_ he said. _"Keep picturing it in your mind."_

I did as he asked and kept the image of the sign in the front of my mind. Anthony continued to walk beside us, but he didn't talk to me, presumably so he didn't distract me from thinking about the sign. I wasn't sure how long Riley walked, or if I was actually conscious the entire time, but it seemed like no time at all had passed before he stopped.

"Yeah, this should work," he said.

And then we were moving again, but from the dip in my stomach, it felt like we were going down a slope. Trying to focus in the light from a half moon, I could just make out that we were heading toward the bottom of a small valley with piles of trash all around us.

All conscious thought, including the image of the sign, fled when Riley abruptly dropped me to the ground, or in this case the blanket of trash that covered the ground. Landing on my injured side, I felt something - or a number of somethings - pop in my chest as I hit and I tried to scream at the pain that radiated through my chest, but didn't have the breath to make any noise. To make things worse, I couldn't even turn over to relieve the weight to my side since my mostly paralyzed body wouldn't cooperate.

"Don't go anywhere." Then Riley chuckled as he walked away. "Oh, that's right. You can't."

"_Asshole." _I heard Anthony mutter.

Tears came to my eyes and I wanted to cry, but I still couldn't find much air to actually let out a sob. Beyond the excruciating pain, I felt like I was slowly suffocating. The hopelessness of the situation washed over me and I felt despair begin to set in as I realized that, except for Anthony, I was going to die alone in a trash dump.

"_Don't give up, Bella!"_ Anthony yelled. _"You promised you wouldn't give up!"_

Even trying to speak mentally was hard. _"Can't ... breathe ..."_

"_Try to stay calm and take small breaths. Come on, you can do it."_

I heard a little thud beside me and I was surprised to hear Riley's voice again when I thought he'd left. "Come here," he said and I felt myself being lifted. Even though the weight on my side was gone and I could breathe a little better, which was wonderful, the movement of him picking me up sent more waves of pain through my chest. I literally felt the ribs on my injured side, or what I suspected were pieces of my ribs, move in different directions.

It was not a pleasant feeling. The movement of the bones was wholly unnatural and I had the sudden image of a bag of bones being shaken up. There was also a new feeling building in my chest. The only way I could think of to describe it was pressure.

Just when I thought that Riley might have changed his mind and he might be taking me out of this place, he dropped me again, this time onto a dirty mattress. The fall shifted things in my chest again, and in addition to the building pressure, I felt something tear.

One small saving grace was that he had laid me out on my back so at least I wasn't on my side again. But while breathing wasn't as difficult as it had been when I'd been on my side, it was still harder than it should have been and every breath was a concerted effort.

For some reason I couldn't fathom, Riley fiddled with my body slightly, first doing something at my legs that I couldn't see and then spreading out my arms to each side. He was apparently positioning my body, but I didn't know why. Then he stood back and studied me.

"Yes, that works nicely. When, or should I say if, someone finds you before you get buried in trash, the position of your body will look very dramatic." Kneeling back down beside me, he took my head in his hands.

"Please ..." I found myself begging out loud. "... please don't do this, Riley."

He stared at me for a moment, then to my surprise he shrugged and released my head. "You know, Victoria wanted me to snap your pretty neck, but I don't see the need. I mean in some ways it would be more humane to kill you quickly, but you won't last long anyway," he said cockily. "With your injuries, and the fact that it's freezing out here, you'll be dead soon anyway. And it's not like the Cullens have any idea where you are, so it's not like they're going to ride in and save you at the last minute."

An urge to cough had started deep in my chest. "Please, Riley," I begged as I tried to hold one back.

As he continued speaking, it was obvious he was completely unmoved by my pleas. "Yes, I think it's more fitting that you should just lay here and think about what a mistake it was to hook up with losers like the Cullens." Then he grinned, his perfect white teeth shining even in the low light. "But don't worry, they'll be joining you soon enough when we kill them all."

It was all but impossible to hold back the coughs now. Each one felt like they were wrenching my chest apart. "No, Riley ..." I begged. "... please don't ... hurt them."

He laughed. "Oh, we won't hurt them, just kill them."

With that, he gave the injured side of my face a firm pat, but I was in too much pain otherwise to even process the pain that it sent shooting through my face.

"Goodbye, Isabella Swan." Then he was gone and I was alone with Anthony who was sitting beside me on what I could now see was an old, dirty, and tattered mattress.

"_How are doing, honey?"_ he asked me.

"_Just fabulous_," I mentally said as another cough wracked me, but this time it wasn't just a cough; along with came a mouthful of blood that I quickly spit out. Given my squeamishness over blood, I'm sure that any other time, I would have passed out over that alone, but now it hardly phased me. It was just another rock on the pile of awful that my life had become._ "Oh, no. That can't be good." _

Anthony, being the cheerleader he was, continued to be positive. _"Just hold on, Bella. Riley's gone and I know that Edward and Alice are coming, I just know it."_

"_Well, I guess I don't have much choice, do I?"_ I replied as another cough and another mouthful of blood slipped out of me.

I stared up at a beautiful night sky filled with stars. Unfortunately, I couldn't really enjoy the view and instead, I focused on sending up a pray to anyone listening that Anthony was right.

**ALICE**

The C&D Hakes Landfill was in Painted Post, New York, about 38 miles from Ithaca. Everyone but Esme, ran there as fast as our legs would carry us. Esme was following us in the Cadillac Escalade we'd rented so we'd have something warm and spacious to put Bella in once we found her.

The images I saw of Bella were horrifying. I kept seeing her broken, battered body lying out in the cold night air. In my visions, she would start out alive and in terrible distress as I saw her gasp for air and cough up blood. Not too long after, I would see her open eyes go still, fixed, and then empty, and I wondered if we would be in time. I tried to push that thought and the images to the back of my mind so that Edward would not be inundated by them. Unfortunately, they seemed to want to run in a merciless loop in my head, so it was difficult to completely suppress them.

To make matters worse, it was unseasonably cold outside. According to the calendar the area should have been edging toward summer, but instead it had been having an odd cold snap for the past week and while there wasn't much of a breeze and it was clear so it wouldn't snow or rain, the temperature was getting down to freezing or below at night. I estimated it was about 35 degrees as we reached the landfill and I knew that it would only go lower until the sun actually came up. I hated to think of Bella fighting exposure along with everything else.

We smelled the stench from the landfill from quite a distance away, but it did nothing to deter us. "There's the sign!" I told them pointing to the large metal, well-lit sign near the entrance. "That's the sign I saw in my vision!"

It was still dark and the landfill was closed, but we merely jumped over the fence. "Where do we start, Alice?" Jasper asked.

I looked around for any landmark I'd seen in my vision to use as a reference point. The vision of the sign had been crystal clear, but due to Bella's human vision and her physical condition, the images had gotten much harder to see after that as it was largely dark once she'd gotten inside the fence. Normally, we could have followed her scent right to her, but all the trash masked any form of her usual scent ... or the scent of any blood there might be. We could also have listened to her heartbeat, but we couldn't hear it. Whether that was because the beating hearts of all the small rats and other animals that lived in the landfill masked it, or because it was too weak even for us to hear, I didn't know.

I didn't like to think of the other reason why we might not be able to hear Bella's heartbeat.

"Alice?!" Edward barked impatiently, not that I could blame him.

"I don't know!" I yelled back. "The vision got very fuzzy once they passed the entrance sign. She was surrounded by piles of trash in what looked like a little valley, but other than that, I didn't really see any landmarks."

Ever the strategist, Jasper nodded and started giving orders. "Okay, we'll do a grid search. The landfill isn't that big and the six of us can all move fast enough to cover a lot of ground quickly." He laid out which direction we should each go in and we streaked away.

Using both the grid search pattern and the arrangement of trash piles I'd seen around Bella in my vision, we searched the landfill. Cresting the top of one large pile, I looked down over a small valley in the trash, just like the one in my vision. There, lying in the very center of it, I saw her. As far away as I was, the sound traveled up from the small valley well enough that I could make out a single, disturbing sound.

A weak, almost choking cough, the sound of which matched the images of my vision. For the moment, she was alive which was good, but in my vision, she didn't cough like that very long.

I saw movement on the other side valley and I recognized Edward's form; it was clear he saw her as well. Before I could even say anything, he was moving down the valley toward her. I started yelling to bring the others running; with their vampire hearing, I knew they'd hear me wherever they were.

"OVER HERE! COME QUICK! WE FOUND HER!"

**EDWARD **

Anger burned in me as I searched my portion of the landfill; how could they leave Bella here? How could they just throw her away like some kind of empty soda can or used candy wrapper? Well, Victoria and anyone aligned with her would pay dearly for all they'd done to Bella.

As I crested yet another pile of refuse, I froze. There was something, a scent ... even over the smell of the garbage I could pick it up and a feeling like static electricity seemed to brush against my skin.

Bella had to be close.

I quickly scanned the small valley and with a jerk of recognition, I saw Bella at the bottom. Without conscious thought, my feet were moving in the next instant as I heard Alice start yelling for the others. While I could tell she was somewhere on the other side of the valley, I didn't even spare her a glance as I raced to the bottom; my focus was solely on Bella. An irrational part of me worried that if I looked away from her, she would disappear.

She was lying on an old mattress in an almost Christ-like pose with her feet together and her arms pointing straight out on each side of her. She was dressed in the yoga pants and tank top that she'd been taken in, but both were very tattered and offered little protection from the elements. Most worrisome of all, I could see and hear that she was coughing weakly. No, coughing wasn't quite the right word, it was more half cough - half choke, and her breathing was decidedly labored and wheezing, which meant she likely had a collapsed or punctured lung. As I watched, a small dark line trickled out of her mouth and over her cheek.

She was coughing up blood; that had to mean she was bleeding internally. From the depression I could see along one side of her rib cage, I could tell that most of her chest injury was on the left side.

Kneeling down beside her, I took her hand gently in mine. "Bella...?"

It took just a moment for her eyes to focus, but when they locked with mine, I saw pain, relief and, to my astonishment ... a touch of happiness.

"I knew ... you'd come," she said weakly between coughs. "Anthony said ... I should stay ... alive until you ... did."

I didn't want to hurt her or aggravate any of her injuries, but I desperately wanted to hold her. Plus, I thought that by helping her sit up slightly, it might help keep her from choking on the blood. Knowing that I couldn't really make her spinal injury any worse, and knowing that it was a bad but not immediately fatal injury, I concentrated instead on being careful of her chest injury as I gently lifted her into my arms. My movements didn't seem to cause her any more pain or distress, so I held her uninjured side against me.

In addition to her chest injury, one side of her face was badly swollen, as were her arm, both her legs, and other parts of her body where I assumed things were broken or damaged. The white of one of her eyes was even stained red with broken blood vessels. She was still beautiful to me, even like this, but it made me ache to see her body so battered and broken.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to find you," I told her softly.

She managed a small smile. "No, you're here ... all that matters."

I could tell it was terribly difficult for her to speak, both because of her breathing and because her face was so swollen. "Don't talk, save your strength," I said stroking her hair lightly. Just then, Alice arrived then and knelt down beside me.

"Bella ..." Alice began, but her voice trailed off as she gave me an 'oh-crap' look. Even my chatterbox of a sister was at a loss for words.

Bella's eyes drifted to Alice. "Hey ... Alice," she managed breathlessly, then she looked back at me. "Have to tell you ..."

"You can tell me later," I tried to soothe as she coughed and a new trickle of blood came out of her mouth, but it was a little smaller than it had been so maybe sitting her up slightly had helped after all.

The overpowering scents in the landfill, coupled with the direness of the situation, made any kind of bloodlust from it nearly impossible and I sensed the same thing from Alice so I wasn't worried about any of us attacking Bella over the blood that was slowly leaking out of her.

"No ... now," she insisted. "Victoria plans to ... kill everyone."

"We'll take care of her," I promised, as if that wasn't already a foregone conclusion. Victoria was dead already and just didn't know it. "Right now, you have to save your strength."

Where the hell was Carlisle? If we ever needed that venom he was carrying in his bag, it was now. Maybe I should just bite her now and not wait.

"Newborns ..." Bella managed.

That brought me up short. "Newborns? What about newborns?"

"Making an army ..."

I exchanged disbelieving glances with Alice and before we could say anything more, Carlisle, Rose, Jasper and Emmett surrounded us.

"Carlisle, thank God you're here," Alice said before I could, as Rose and Carlisle knelt down on Bella's other side and Carlisle began to assess her condition.

"Did I hear Bella say that Victoria's planning on making a newborn army?" Jasper put in.

I answered for Bella, so she could save her strength. "Apparently."

"I can't believe she would do such a thing," he argued. "Doesn't she know how destructive that would be?"

"I think destructive is probably what she's going for," Emmett put in.

"Would you all SHUT UP about Victoria!" Alice screeched. "We've got bigger problems right now!" She glared at Jasper. "There's blood, so I think you should stay a bit further back."

He nodded. "Emmett and I can keep a perimeter in case Victoria decides to spring another trap," he said as they both shot Bella and I worried look and then ran off to circle the small valley while Carlisle continued to examine her.

"I think she's bleeding internally," I told him, as I saw Bella's eyes start to flutter closed. "Stay with me, Bella!" My command seemed to work, and she slowly focused back in on me again, but I could hear her heart was slowing and her breathing was becoming even more labored, both of which were not good signs.

"Given her breathing and the blood she's coughing up, I sure of it," he agreed. "Probably a pneumothorax. From the looks of it, half of the ribs on the right side of her chest are broken, a couple of them badly enough they most likely punctured the pleural cavity and her lung."

"Stop acting like a walking medical dictionary, Carlisle, and change her NOW!" Alice yelled.

Carlisle ignored her and kept his focus on me and Bella. "She won't make it back to the house, Edward. Even if we were in a hospital already, I don't think she could survive her injuries. I don't think she'll even make it back to the car without ... intervention."

I knew he didn't mean medical intervention. He meant she wouldn't survive without venom, without being changed, which was no surprise to me. I may not have his extensive medical experience, but I'd had enough medical training to know Bella was a hair's breath away from dying.

This time it was Rose that put in her opinion. "Why are we even talking about this? Change her!"

"Rose ..." Carlisle began, and I knew he was going to tell her that he was preparing to do just that, but Bella's soft voice cut him off from responding.

"No ... Carlisle ... wait," Bella said before coughing up a little more blood. This time, it was joined by a bloody tear that trailed from her swollen eye and across her temple and disappeared into her hair.

"But Bella!" Alice and Rose both protested.

Closing her eyes, Bella coughed again and more blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. While I sensed that she was trying to rally her strength, her breathing was getting even more ragged and her eyes were closed for a long time, but just as I was about to start panicking, they slowly fluttered open and her gaze slowly shifted between Alice and Rose.

"It's okay ..." she said.

"No, Bella. It's not okay," Alice insisted. "We need you ... I need you."

Bella managed a tiny smile. "Love you ... you and Rose ... my best ... friends," Bella wheezed as Rose pressed a hand to her mouth as she tried to stifle a sob. "But I'm tired... so tired ... and so ... hard to breathe."

Alice took Bella's hand from mine and gave it a squeeze. "But Carlisle can fix that. You'll never be tired again and we can be friends forever."

Another bloody tear ran down the side of Bella's face and I brushed it gently away. From the look in her eyes, it was clear that Bella had moved beyond the pain of her injuries. "I want ... that," she said clearly struggling to speak. "... but he ... has to ... want it too ... without him ... it means ... nothing."

There was another wet cough and more blood came out of her mouth as if any benefit she'd gotten from her more upright position was gone. "Of course, I want that, Bella," I said trying to pull her closer. "I want you forever. Please, I need you to stay with me."

"Love you ... Edward ... always loved you." She coughed again, only this time, it was more of choked gurgle and her body barely moved.

I pressed my lips to her forehead. "I love you too, Bella. With all that I am."

Carlisle's face was grim. "Edward, she's out of time, if it's to be done, it has to be now."

As weak as she was, Bella's eyes still burned into mine. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and her breathing, such as it was, and her heartbeat, were very, very slow. "Please ... let me ... stay with you ... forever."

I wish there was more time for me to say all the things I wanted, but Carlisle was right, we were out of time if we were going to save her. Once we saved her, there would be all the time in the world and I vowed to tell her everyday how much I loved her and wanted her so she would never again doubt my feelings.

"Forever..." I whispered.

She smiled at me then, a smile so luminous, it lit up every corner of my soul. Then, just as quickly, it started to fade as her eyes closed, her body slowly sagged in my arms and then went still as her heart began to stutter in her chest.

I acted before anyone could say anything and with a sob, I sank my teeth into the warm flesh of her throat and let my venom flow into her body as Carlisle started using the syringes he'd brought to fill her body with even more.

I just hoped we'd been in time.

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>In two weeks:<strong>_ We see what happens with Bella and if she can come back from all her injuries. See you then.


	48. Chapter 48

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Finally, a chapter that doesn't need an angst warning. In fact, I decided to go with a bit of levity in this chapter, which is transitional as we wait for Bella to wake up.

_**Previously in Chapter 47: **_ Bella struggled to stay alive and keep her eyes open to send Alice clue to where Riley was taking her. Edward, Alice and the Cullens rushed to the landfill and after a lot of searching, they located Bella who was near death. She managed to tell them some of what Victoria was planning and when it was clear that she would not survive if he didn't do something, Edward bit her while Carlisle injected her with syringes of Edward's venom.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 48<strong>_

**ESME **

Edward sat beside Bella's bed looking worried and holding her hand; he hadn't left her side since we'd returned from the landfill.

As for everyone else, they'd all cleaned up and then scattered to various parts of the house. With my arm and leg completely healed, I waited with Edward and Bella in the make-shift hospital room that had been set up - Carlisle was outside taking a phone call - Alice and Rose were doing something in what used to be the resort's spa, and Emmett and Jasper were watching TV in the great room.

"I wish you wouldn't worry so much, Edward," I told him as he stared at Bella with a concerned frown. When we'd first brought Bella home, Carlisle had put her on a ventilator for the first couple of hours to ease her breathing but when he noted that it was much easier, he had removed it. "You can hear for yourself how strong her heartbeat is and her breathing is much better now that the venom has had some time to work."

As he spoke, Edward's gaze never left Bella's face. "I know, but she was so close to dying, even Carlisle said he'd never changed anyone that had sustained such extensive injuries," he paused. "And she has been so quiet. I don't know about Alice or Jasper's change, but none of the rest of us were this quiet."

"I was," Carlisle said matter-of-factly as he re-entered the room and walked over to check on Bella. "I had to be or the mob would have surely discovered me. I made sure that I moved as little as possible and didn't make any noise while I hid in the cellar during my change." He looked over at the two of us. "Although in Bella's case, her stillness may be due, at least in part, to the morphine I gave her along with the venom."

Edward looked at him in surprise. "You didn't tell me you were going to give her morphine," he said, but his voice was more curious than accusatory.

"It was my hope that it would keep her more comfortable both from her injuries and while she was changing. My only real concern with using it was the fact that morphine can also depress respiration and Bella was nearly in respiratory arrest when we found her; it's also another reason I thought using the ventilator, at least for the first few hours, would be wise. And as Esme said and you can hear for yourself, her breathing and heartbeat are much stronger than when we first brought her back here. As you know, at the end of her change, her breathing will slow again as her heart rate increases until both will stop and she will awaken." He smiled reassuringly at Edward. "She's doing well, Edward, very well. I'm sure she's going to come through this just fine."

Edward's shoulders seemed to relax a bit and I felt some of the tension go out of him. "Thank you, Carlisle."

He smiled paternally. "I can't take too much credit. It's your venom that's healing her. I'm just glad that the two of you finally decided to take the steps to change her. I've said it before, but it bears repeating, as much as Bella is your mate, she's also part of this family and her absence would have left a terrible hole."

Hoping to distract Edward a bit from his worries over Bella, I asked Carlisle a question on a different topic.

"What did Eleazar want?" I asked him referring to the call he'd gone outside to answer.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one interested in the phone call because Emmett and Jasper appeared in the room with us just as Carlisle started to answer.

"Oh, yes, I meant to mention that," he told us all. "It was a very interesting exchange."

"How so?" Jasper asked.

"He called to tell me that Laurent returned yesterday ... with red eyes no less."

"I guess it's safe to say that he fell off the vegetarian wagon," Jasper said.

Carlisle nodded. "While he begged Irina and the rest of the Denalis for their forgiveness on drinking human blood, he also refused to give them any explanation as to where he's been these past weeks."

Emmett smirked. "Sounds to me like he had himself the vampire version of a bender."

"Indeed," Carlisle agreed. "Of course, Irina welcomed him back with open arms and no questions asked and the others really had no choice but to do the same."

Jasper huffed out an annoyed laugh. "Can't they see they're just enabling him?"

"In my opinion, Carmen, Eleazar, Kate, and Tanya are just trying to keep their family together," Carlisle told us. "Irina is so blind to Laurent's shortcomings that I think the rest of them are worried that if they say anything against him, she will turn on them and they'll lose her. And since Laurent poses no direct threat to them, they are willing to let things go to keep Irina happy."

"So I guess it's just too bad for us, right?" Emmett said angrily. "Laurent just sells Bella and the rest of us down the river to Victoria and it's okay?" He slammed his fist into the palm of his other hand. "Laurent better hope I never meet him in a dark forest."

"Well, if he has been the one feeding information to Victoria," Carlisle began. "And bear in mind that technically, we only have our suspicions and not actual fact on that point, we may never know it unless Edward can read Laurent's mind or we can get Victoria or her lackey to admit to his part in their plot."

I didn't know if he realized it or not, but when he said 'lackey' Carlisle had growled softly. While he was also angry with Victoria, and Riley had only been acting on her orders, I knew my husband had a special anger for Riley because of what he'd done to me and Bella and to our house. I'd be lying if I said the growling on my behalf was not as sexy as all get out, and if there weren't so many things going on, Bella's change and the question of Victoria's plans for a newborn army primary among them, I'd probably be making up an excuse to get Carlisle alone in some quiet corner of the resort so I could test out my newly reattached limbs and have my way with him.

Pulling myself away from that thought, I watched Carlisle turn to Edward and give him a meaningful look, and I saw a muscle twitch in Edward's jaw in response. "There's something else you should all know," Carlisle said. "I told Eleazar that we didn't make it in time and Bella died."

I gasped, and everyone but Edward looked startled by his statement. I assumed that Edward didn't look overly surprised by what Carlisle had said because he'd read the thought in Carlisle's mind before he'd actually verbalized it; it was probably also why I'd seen the muscle twitch in his jaw a moment earlier.

"Was that really necessary, Carlisle?" I asked.

To my surprise, it was Edward that answered me. "We need Victoria to think that Bella is dead so she won't try for her again until we're ready."

While I had no illusions over the fact that with Laurent pulling their strings, the Denali sisters could not be trusted, I tried to defend our oldest friends. "But Eleazar and Carmen ..."

Again, Edward's response was immediate. "Carlisle's right," he said cutting me off. "As long as Eleazar and Carmen are in that house with Laurent, then we need to keep them in the dark. If there's the slightest risk that the information will get back to Laurent and potentially, Victoria, then it's a risk we can't take."

I could hardly disagree with what he was saying, especially after what had happened to me and Bella. As much as I felt some duty to Carmen and Eleazar as friends and extended family, I knew my primary responsibility was to those in our own immediate family. And I knew first hand when dealing with Victoria we really needed to be safe rather than sorry, so I just nodded and didn't argue the point any further.

"While we're on the subject of risk and Victoria," Jasper put in. "When are we going to discuss the issue of the newborn army Bella talked about?"

"We can discuss it now, but ultimately we will need Bella to tell us anything else she knows beyond what she managed to get out back at the landfill," Carlisle said.

"You're right, of course, Carlisle. Bella's insight will be our greatest asset. And if Victoria is indeed planning to develop a newborn army, then it's information that we need to know sooner rather than later," Jasper said. "We will need to squash it before it can take root."

Now it was Emmett's turn to chime in. "But we don't even know where Victoria's gone or where she plans on making this army. Even if Bella's memory isn't too messed up after her change, Victoria may not have told her where it's all going down."

"We can only deal with the information we have, Emmett," Carlisle told him. "We'll just have to wait and see what Bella can tell us and proceed accordingly."

"Carlisle, Emmett brings up a good point. She was so traumatized before her change, do you think her memory will be intact enough to be of help?" I asked.

"I don't know, Esme. In my experience, the change affects each person's memory a bit differently," Carlisle replied. "For most of us, myself included, the memories are a bit fuzzy, but they are mostly intact. However, there are also more extreme cases, like Alice's, where the person has no memory of their human life at all. On the other end of the spectrum, I recall one vampire in the Volturi Court that could clearly remember every moment of every day of his human life with perfect clarity. In Bella's case, we will just have to wait and see, but I think it bodes well that she didn't have too much head trauma, just a mild concussion before she was changed."

"Hey, not to change the subject," Emmett said. "But could this whole thing with the newborn army be a trick?"

Jasper frowned. "A trick?"

"Yeah, maybe something to lure us into one of Victoria's traps," he clarified. "Or at the very least having us chase our tails like a bunch of idiots."

We all considered that, but Edward was the one to answer. "No, I don't think so. From the way she talked on the phone, I don't think Victoria meant to let Bella live long for us to find her, let alone tell us what Victoria was planning. She wanted us, wanted me, to suffer for what happened to James and she knew that finding Bella dead, or never being able to find her at all, would do that. I think that's also why she had Riley leave her in a landfill. She said something on the phone about having to find James' ashes in a dumpster next to the burned out dance studio."

Emmett smirked. "Yeah, well, Little Sis outsmarted her and held on long enough for us to find her. The Wicked Witch of the West is gonna be pretty pissed about that when she finds out."

"But she'll also be surprised, and it will likely throw her off her game," Jasper put in. "And in the meantime, we are going to be adding our own newborn to the mix."

"I don't want Bella anywhere near a fight," Edward put in.

"I know you don't," Jasper agreed. "And, of course, we'll keep her out of it if we can; but if it comes down to a fight for survival for all of us, she may have to join in."

"You know Bella won't stand idly by while the rest of us are hurt," I told him. "When Riley and Victoria attacked us, Bella tried to get Victoria to focus on her and not me and that's when she was still human."

Edward ran a gentle hand over Bella's grimy hair, while the rest of us had cleaned up after the landfill, Edward and Bella were still wearing the same clothes they'd had on. When we'd brought her back, we'd had bigger issues with Bella than how dirty or clean she was and Edward had refused to leave her side.

"Bella always was braver than her body could handle."

Jasper grinned. "Well, I don't think that will be the case much longer."

Just then Alice came bouncing into the room. "Okay, everyone needs to stop looking like they're at a funeral," she said as she pranced up to where Bella lay. "Bella's going to be fine, better than fine, actually, she'll be breathtaking. I've seen it."

Edward looked at her intently and I could tell from expression on his face, he was reading her mind to see the images she'd described. Then, for the first time since he'd left to go to New York, he smiled.

"Edward?" I asked. "What did she show you?"

He continued to look at Alice as he answered. "It was Bella and I running through the woods.  
>She looked so ... happy." Then he turned to me. "Bella's always been beautiful and amazing to me, but if what Alice sees is correct, she'll be ..." he chuckled. "... I can't really even describe it."<p>

"Oh, and she'll wake up a bit sooner than most," Alice added. "I'd say her change should be complete sometime late tomorrow."

Carlisle blinked in surprise. "But that would mean her change will be done in just over two days rather than the three days that it usually takes." He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I wonder what could have caused that? Maybe using such a large dose of venom all at once sped up the process."

Alice shrugged. "I don't know, all I know is, I see her waking up sometime tomorrow night." She wrinkled her nose. "God, Edward, do our noses all a favor and go take a long, hot shower. I've laid out some toiletries and clothes for you in one of the bedrooms."

"No, I want to wait for Bella," he protested.

"Now, Edward, you know that when Bella wakes up her senses are going to be heightened. Do you want the first thing she does to be recoiling in horror because you stink?"

"Alice ..." I chided.

"Okay, okay, so I'm overstating it, but still. Don't you want to look your best for her? Besides, you've got her blood on your shirt and that's going to be difficult for her to be around as well."

He considered that. "I guess you have a point," he said reluctantly. "I just don't want to leave her."

"No problem, she won't be alone for a second. While you're taking your shower, Bella's got her own spa date with me and Rose."

"And how would that work exactly?" Emmett asked. "I mean she's sorta ... unconscious."

Alice grinned. "One of the neat things about the spa area is a special shower that can be used with a waterproof bed or a table. I've seen television programs where they use something similar in high end spas. The person can get a massage or some kind of spa treatment like a salt body scrub or a mud wrap and then can be washed off without having to even get off the table. So, with Bella still on the gurney, it will work perfectly and because this building was designed to be handicap accessible, it even has an elevator that's big enough to accommodate the gurney, so it will be easy to move her around."

Again, I could see from Edward's expression, he was reading her mind. Oddly enough, the face he made was a cross between annoyed disbelief and embarrassment as if she'd given him a little too much information.

"Alice, is all that really necessary?" he asked.

She all but stamped her foot. "Yes, it is absolutely necessary, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

"Uh, oh, look out, she full named him," Emmett snickered.

Alice went on, clearly building up to a full blown tirade. "If you only knew how much work it took for Rose, Esme, and I just to get the hair off our legs and underarms so we didn't have to go through eternity looking like a trio of sasquatch ,you wouldn't ask such a question."

I nodded, then added, "For the record, it took the careful and rather unpleasant application of a hand-held power sander."

"See what I mean?" Alice agreed. "Do you want Bella to go through that? And I won't even go into how the hell you clip vampire toenails and fingernails."

"Thank, God," Jasper muttered.

She ignored him. "Right now, Bella's body is still pliable enough that we can shave her, or wax her, or trim what needs to be trimmed; and what's more, she's unconscious. She won't feel a thing. Believe me, Edward, once we get done, you and she will both thank us."

He still looked a little skeptical, but I thought he might also be weakening. "I just don't want you to play Bella Barbie with her while she's unconscious. You know she hates that."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Edward, I'm not going to do anything crazy like give her a tattoo or chop off all her hair. I'm just going to get her cleaned up, and groomed, and wash the blood off of her so that she'll be all set when she does wake up."

Finally, Edward sighed. "All right, but I have three conditions."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What?" she said a bit suspiciously.

"No make-up. You know how Bella hates it when you put all the stuff on her face, and if what you're seeing in your visions is real she won't need it."

She looked a little annoyed, but nodded. "Fine, that can wait until she wakes up. What else?"

"No fancy clothes or shoes." Clearly outraged by this condition, Alice opened her mouth to protest, but Edward cut her off. "No, I saw it your mind, and even if I hadn't, I know that if it was up to you, you'd put her in something completely inappropriate like a cocktail dress and high heels."

"But Edward!" she protested. "She's going to be so beautiful when she wakes up I want her to look her best."

"More important than how she looks is the fact that she's going to need to feed when she wakes up," he pointed out. "I can tell you right now that she is going to be annoyed, to say the least, if she has to do it in a fancy dress by Vera Versace and Manolo Armani shoes."

I couldn't stifle a giggle before it slipped out. Between Alice's look of stunned disbelief and Edward's butchering of designers, the moment was too funny. "Edward, dear, I think you mean Vera Wang and Donatella or Gianni Versace for the dress and Manolo Blahnik or Giorgio Armani for the shoes."

"At last, someone who has an appreciation for fashion," Alice muttered.

Edward waved away my concern. "Whatever, you all know what I meant; I'm making a point."

That only seemed to make Alice madder. "Oh, really? Well, the point of my shoe is going to be jammed in some very unpleasant places if you keep going like you are," she all but growled at him.

"Now stop it, you two!" I jumped in. "I feel like a teacher having to pull apart a couple of first graders for fighting over a toy."

Jasper threw in his two cents. "Edward, I tell you this as a brother and fellow male in this family, point or no point, you can't say things like that to her. To her, those are fighting words and she'll cut you."

"You got that right," Emmett put in with a little shiver.

I sighed. "I think we're getting a little off track here. Bella needs to be our focus. Now, Alice, can you keep her clothing and shoes simple? Like jeans and a shirt? Or maybe a compromise. How about nice jeans and a fancier blouse with some flats?"

Alice pursed her lips. "I guess I can make that work."

"What about you, Edward? Would an outfit like that be acceptable?"

"Yes, that's fine," he said. "And that also leads me to the third condition."

"You're really pushing your luck," Alice muttered.

"Maybe you really should quit while you're ahead, dude," Emmett helpfully put in.

"Just tell me already," Alice groused. "What's the third condition?"

"I want Esme to go with you to oversee things. Between her and Rose, they should be able to keep you from overdoing things with Bella." He turned to me. "If you're amenable to the idea, Esme."

I felt very honored that he would ask me take care of Bella in his place. After everything that had happened, part of me kept waiting for him to blame me for letting Victoria take Bella, but he hadn't given any indication that he felt that way at all, just the opposite actually.

I smiled and patted his shoulder. "Of course, I'll go with them. Don't worry." I looked up at Alice. "And I'm sure Alice doesn't mind me being there, do you, Alice?"

To my surprise, the idea seemed to actually perk her up. "No, not at all, it will be like a spa day."

I stifled a laugh and turned back to Edward. "Now go get cleaned up and I'll keep watch over Bella for you, and I'll bring her back down here just as soon as we're done."

**BELLA**

It was dark. Really dark with no shapes or light at all and I felt like I was floating.

The next sensation I had was heat, no, not heat exactly, but burning. Yes, I was definitely burning. It was as if I was a disembodied spirit floating free in a black, burning void.

When people usually think of something burning, they thought of heat, but I knew that extreme cold could also burn, and to tell the truth, I didn't specifically feel hot or cold, so I couldn't tell which one was doing the burning. All I did know was that my brain was telling me I was definitely burning.

Actually, all my senses seemed dulled, like I was wrapped in cotton. In addition to not being able to see, I also couldn't smell anything and I suspected that if I tried to speak or scream, I'd be unable to make any actual sound. I thought about trying to move, but I couldn't even feel enough of my arms and legs to try and make them move.

Had the fire or whatever was burning me, destroyed enough of my body that I couldn't see or feel my extremities? I'd read once that extremely burned victims often didn't feel pain in the beginning because they had no nerve endings left to feel pain. Is that what had happened to me?

Or had I died and this was hell; an endless black burning?

To my surprise, a soft chuckle came flowing out of the darkness beside me. _"No, of course not,"_ came a cool, gentle voice. I knew that voice. Edward? No, not exactly. Anthony, yes, it was Anthony's voice that continued speaking. _"Even if you were dead, which you're not, you wouldn't be in hell. We'd be having this chat at the pearly gates if you were really dead."_

"_Anthony?"_

"_Yep, that's me. I'm glad to see you're back with us."_

"_Why can't I see you? I've always been able to see you before."_

"_This time things are a bit different,"_ he tried to explain. _"With everything that's going on, I think my voice is as good as you're going to get."_

"_Where am I?"_

"_Hmm, I'm not exactly sure, but if I had to guess I'd say that you're deep inside your own head."_

"_I'm inside my head?" _I asked dazedly looking around the dark void for something recognizable and finding nothing and I mean that literally. _"Doesn't feel like my head."_

"_Well, as I said, there's a lot going on right now."_

I wanted to frown, but I couldn't feel my face enough to actually make facial muscles move. _"What do I have going on? Where's Edward?"_

"_Don't worry, I'm sure he's close by,"_ he promised. _"What's that last thing you remember?"_

Even thinking was difficult, as if I had no physical brain, but I gave it a try. _"Um ... Victoria ... the dark room ... her hurting me ... saying she would kill Edward ... and the Cullens ... and Charlie ..." _

Pain flared in what should have been my chest, and I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate, at least I thought that's what it was. I wasn't actually breathing, so it was a very weird sensation, and I could feel myself starting to panic.

Anthony's voice dropped to a very soothing tone._ "I know it's hard sweetie, but you need to try and calm down. They're just memories, they can't hurt you." _

His words seemed to help me focus and I managed to somehow get a grip, at least metaphorically, on myself.

"_Good, Bella, that's it. Try to draw on the techniques you used when you were meditating." _I did as he suggested and remarkably, it began to work. When I was finally calmer, he gently pressed on._ "Now, as painful and scary as those memories are, I need you to hold onto them so you can tell Edward and the others about what Victoria has planned. It's very important that they know."_

Part of me didn't want to do what he was asking. I wanted to lock those memories in a deep dark place and never take them out again, but I knew he was right. I had to warn the Cullens or everyone I loved, Edward included, would pay the price. _"All right,"_ I agreed.

"_Good," _he encouraged._ "You're being very brave."_

"_I don't feel very brave," _I admitted. _"I'm scared to death that I'll never get out of this place or see Edward again."_

"_Oh, you'll see him again."_

I wanted to frown again but quickly gave up as it was too much effort. _"How can you be so sure?"_

"_I just am. Now, is that all you remember?"_

I worked at trying to pull more from my memory and something started to prickle at the edges. _"No ... uh, trash, the landfill ... wait!"_ I said suddenly excited as the memory went through me like a beam of light in my personal darkness. _"Edward, I remember Edward and Alice were there!"_

"_Yes, good,"_ he said again. _"Because you didn't give up, Alice saw where you'd been taken and Edward and the others came and found you." _

"_But then where is he?"_ I wondered. _"He said he'd keep me forever but he's not here. Are you sure that I'm not really dead?" _He chuckled again like he was privy to an inside joke and I wanted to be annoyed with him but again, it was too much effort. _"What's so funny?" _Was all I could manage.

"_I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh,"_ he said apologetically._ "It's just that, don't you understand, Bella? Edward IS keeping you forever ... he bit you."_

I blinked in surprise, or tried to. _"Edward bit me? He's going to change me?"_

"_Actually it's already happening,"_ he said gently, as if he wasn't sure how I was going to react. _"I believe the burning you've been feeling is the change taking place." _

A burst of what I could only describe as happiness and wonder went through me. I was changing; Edward was keeping me. This was amazing news; no, amazing didn't even begin to cover it. I would be his ... forever. And I would no longer be weak or easily bruised. I would be able to keep up with him and his family, no longer an outsider in their world, or the weakest link, but one of them in all ways that mattered.

Unfortunately, on the heels of that incredible thought, came pain. It was as if the knowledge of what was really happening to me and talking about it made it real and made the burning worse as if the fire had been turned from low to volcanic. And the pain just wasn't from outside of me, but from inside me, as well. Edward had told me once that the change was excruciating, but now I could tell that he'd been understating it.

Out of reflex, I sucked in a breath, or something to that effect, to scream, but as I'd suspected earlier, there was no sound. Now I knew first-hand what a silent scream felt like and it was not a good feeling.

"_Oh, God! It hurts!" _I mentally wailed. I wanted to twist and writhe in the agony I felt, but there was no body to move, no arms to flail. It was like being impaled on millions of burning needles that spared no part of me.

Dimly, I heard Anthony trying to get my attention over the sounds of my mental agony._ "Bella! Bella! You have to try and calm down! Please, just try! I think the calmer you are, the less the burning will be. I'm sorry I brought it up. I thought it would make you happy, not hurt you more." _

"_I can't! It's too much."_

"_Yes, you can!" _he argued._ "You've already survived so much! This is nothing, and when it's all said and done, you'll be with Edward forever, just like you've always wanted."_

"_But it hurts so bad!"_

"_Then let's talk about something else,"_ he suggested. _"That way you won't be focused on the pain. Let's go over the details of what Victoria told you she is planning so they'll stay fresh in your mind."_

Part of me knew it was a good idea, but I was still too busy trying not to turn into a charcoal briquette. That didn't seem to faze Anthony though and he pressed on which only served to make me angry.

"_Now, didn't you say Victoria and Riley were going to lay low after they killed you? By the way, kudos on proving them wrong on the killing you part." _When I didn't answer, he seemed to get a little annoyed. _"Come on, Bella, you're not even trying."_

"_Easy for you to say,"_ I mentally spat as my temper started to get away from me. _"You're not the one getting roasted on a spit!"_

"_There's my feisty girl,"_ he said, and if I could see him, I knew he'd be grinning.

"_Stupid hallucination,"_ I growled. _"Can't even let me burn in peace."_

"_Hey, insult me all you want. Get pissed at me. I don't mind. Every moment you're insulting me, you're not screaming," _he remarked._ "Now, answer my question, were Victoria and Riley going to hang around New York after they killed you?"_

"_NO!"_ I snapped angrily. _"Don't you ever listen? I didn't know hallucinations could be deaf and stupid. For the hundredth time, I said they were going to lay low for a while but not in New York. They were going to leave here and eventually go to Seattle." _

"_And what were they going to do in Seattle?"_

"_Duh! Make an army of newborn vampires to attack Edward and the Cullens with," _I growled back.

"_How was she going to get the Cullens there?" _he asked me next.

"_I have no idea. She didn't say. She only said that they wouldn't find her until she was 'ready' for them."_

"_Why would she tell you all that?"_ he asked._ "Wasn't she worried that you'd tell Edward and the Cullens?"_

"_Oh, so now you're calling me a liar?"_

He didn't seem to be at all bothered by my anger_. "Just answer the question."_

"_I'm going to speak slowly so you'll understand me the first time," _I ground out._ "SHE. THOUGHT. I. WOULD. BE. DEAD."_

"_Did she say where the Cullens would find her?"_

My anger began to fade and I mentally sighed._ "In the meadow outside of Forks, where we were playing baseball when we first met her, James, and Laurent."_

"_Okay, did she say anything else?"_

"_Yes, she said that when her army got done with the Cullens, they were going to celebrate by destroying Forks and snacking on all the townspeople."_

"_Good, that's really good, Bella. It's all information that Edward and the Cullens will need,"_ he said. _"By the way, how do you feel?"_

His question brought me up short. I was still in pain, but talking to Anthony about other things had apparently helped me get above the worst of it. _"I feel ... not hideous."_

"_See? I told you if you were calmer it would help you feel better,"_ he said a bit smugly. _"Now, what else would you like to talk about? I know, how about the wedding?"_

I was still getting over my surprise and it took me a minute for my thoughts to catch up with what he'd said._ "But, uh, you're a guy. I thought guys didn't like talking about stuff like wedding details."_

"_Hey, I'm here for you and whatever you want to talk about, we'll talk about. It if makes it easier, you can pretend that I'm Alice or Rose."_

If I'd actually had a physical mouth, I would have smiled._ "Yeah, because that image isn't disturbing. Have I ever told you that you're weird?"_

He laughed and the sound rushed over me in a cooling wave. _"I hate to tell you this, sweetie, but it takes one to know one."_

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Next up:<strong>_ Bella wakes up. I'll try to get it up in two weeks but I'm going to be out of town for a week around the Fourth of July so I'm not sure how much that will slow me up, but I will get it up just as soon as possible.

Oh, and no, I haven't forgotten about the ass kicking the Victoria and Riley have coming to them.


	49. Chapter 49

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Okay, so I know it's not Saturday and it's been six weeks since my last update. It goes without saying that I suck. Thank you much for being patient with me, I hope I haven't lost you all by now with the delay. I'm SO sorry this new chapter took so long. I never had any intention of it taking this long. As I told you in my last update I went on vacation for 10 days, but when I got back, I brought a cold with me, then I got slammed at work (did I mention I write a lot work) and then I tweaked my back so it hurt to sit up for about a week.

To make matters worse, I was a little blocked on this chapter. I didn't want to just do a replica of Bella's change from _Breaking Dawn_ and so I struggled with what to do. And so, while things in this chapter happen similarly to canon, this is my spin on it. Although to be honest, I have to say that this is not my favorite chapter as it's transitional and not especially exciting.

However ... the good news is that once I got past this chapter, the next chapter flowed out much easier and I liked it much better. There are actually some things that happen in it that I thought were more interesting. It is currently with my beta and I should have it back in the next couple of days. As soon as I get it back and make any tweaks that I need to, I will post it. You have all been so patient with me, the least I can do is post an early chapter for you.

So here we go ...

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 48:<strong>_ Edward and the others saved Bella after Riley dumped her at the landfill and Bella was undergoing her change. The first part of the previous chapter was from Esme's POV as Alice came in and wanted to give Bella a "spa day" so that she was not permanently stuck with hairy legs and so on. The other part was from Bella's POV while she was burning and talking to Anthony in her head.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 49<strong>_

**CARLISLE**

Lifting her wrist, I took Bella's pulse, or attempted to, but there was no pulse to be found there. I'd encountered the same situation at her other wrist and at both ankles. She no longer had radial pulses as the venom had finished it's work in her extremities and had pulled back to occupy her head and torso. As for her breathing, which had been such a concern before, it was now down to a predictable one breath approximately every five minutes and I knew that even that would also be gone very shortly.

Even though it had only been two days since the process had started, both situations were a clear signal that she was nearing the end of her change. Despite Alice's prediction that Bella would wake early, I was still surprised that it was actually working out that way.

All vampiric changes I'd seen or been apart of in the past had lasted approximately three days. From a medical and scientific standpoint, the issue of why it was taking so much less time for Bella intrigued me and I'd spent the last couple of hours analyzing the situation. The only two factors that were different in Bella's case were the use of the morphine and the administration of a massive dose of venom all at once, rather than through a bite or two, as was the norm.

While I couldn't completely rule out that the morphine had somehow sped up the change by interacting with the venom, or because it kept Bella calm so she was not fighting the change, I really didn't think that was the case. I firmly believed that the reason for the accelerated change had to be the large amount of venom we had given Bella. Normally, the person changing was bitten once or maybe twice and therefore a relatively small amount of venom was introduced into the body. However, by using not only Edward's bite, but the syringes of his venom, we would have all but overwhelmed her body with it.

Of course, right about now, the point was moot, but it was something to keep in mind if we were ever faced with changing someone else. Burning for two days was much more preferable to burning for three.

Jasper's voice pulled me from my musings. "Carlisle? What's the verdict?"

"As Alice predicted, Bella's change is almost over. I believe she should wake any time now."

Jasper nodded and then addressed everyone who was gathered in the room to await Bella's awakening. "Remember what we talked about. After her ordeal, Bella may be upset when she wakes. Edward will speak to her first while Rose, Alice and Esme stay behind the rest of us until we can decide if Bella can control herself."

"But Jasper," Alice began as she leaned a large gilded mirror against the wall. "I told you, Bella will be fine when she wakes up."

From the look on his face, Jasper was unconvinced. Even though I couldn't imagine Bella being a threat to any of us, during his time in Maria's service, I'm sure Jasper had seen his share of out of control newborns and he was erring on the side of caution, especially where Alice was concerned.

"Please Alice, just humor me," be pleaded.

Alice, ever unconcerned, rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine."

Esme, who had been Edward's biggest source of support during Bella's change, spoke into the silence left by Jasper and Alice's exchange. "I think she looks like the Sleeping Beauty you read about in fairytales, Edward."

"I would have to agree," I seconded.

Any blemish or trace of Bella's physical ordeal with Victoria had been healed by the venom, and it had gone one step further to sharpen and perfect every aspect of her appearance. Her hair was thicker, shinier and a deeper chestnut color, her skin was pale and flawless, and her figure, while still slim, had filled out slightly, restoring the weight she'd lost in the last six months and giving her just the hint of curves. The final touch was the fact that Bella had been scrubbed, waxed and buffed during her 'spa day' and was now dressed in the simple, but stylish clothes that Edward had requested.

From the chair beside Bella's bed, Edward smiled. "She has always been beautiful to me. Even when I found her in the landfill, broken and filthy, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

Smiling, Alice walked over to look down at Bella. "She's not just beautiful, she's perfect."

As if Bella had heard Alice words and didn't like them, her heart began to pound furiously and her body gave a hard jerk as her heart made one last, fruitless stand at keeping it's mortality. Suddenly, her back arched sharply lifting her torso off the bed. Then, just as suddenly her body went lax and she slumped back into place.

With one last beat, her heart went silent and her breathing ceased.

"Okay, everyone, take your places," Jasper instructed. As we had promised Jasper, we moved to the far side of the room, putting Alice, Rose and Esme behind us.

The moment Bella's body had given its sudden jerk, Edward had risen to his feet to lean over her. Then as soon as her body had gone silent, he gripped her hand and spoke to her. "Bella?" He waited for a moment and tried again. "Bella, love, you're safe now, please open your eyes."

From my place across the room, I watched as her eyelids twitched and then her eyes snapped open. Edward said her name again but she didn't answer him, instead, her gaze was riveted upward as if there was something fascinating on the ceiling above her.

Gently, he reached out to stroke her cheek. As his fingers touched her skin, she startled badly and then in the next moment, Edward was leaning over the empty bed with an equally empty hand and Bella was crouching in the furthermost corner of the room, a growl rumbling in her chest.

"Wow, did you see how fast she was?" Emmett said smugly.

"Emmett, be quiet," Jasper admonished, but I noticed he didn't argue the point of her speed. Even to vampire eyes, her movements had been very fast.

Edward ignored the rest of us as he focused on Bella. He slowly walked around the bed to her. "Bella? It's okay, no one is going to hurt you. You don't need to be scared."

Bella stared at him and then suddenly blinked and recognition came into her eyes and her growling stopped. "Edward?"

He grinned at her. "Yes, it's me."

Slowly, she rose from her crouch and a wide, warm smile split her face as she ran to him. Well, perhaps 'ran' was not an accurate description, what she did was more like 'jump' to him. She leapt across the space between them in one bound and wrapped her arms and legs around him. Although her movements had once again been quick, Edward had apparently been ready for her because while he staggered under her weight, he remained upright. If he hadn't been ready, it was likely she would have tackled him to the floor.

"Oh, Edward, you saved me," she said with a little sob. "Thank you. I love you so much."

He chuckled. "I love you too ... ugh," he said as his chuckle morphed into a groan and his voice sounded a little strangled. "Uh, Bella, not so hard, love, when it comes to you, I'm the breakable one now."

Immediately she released him and took a step back. "Oops, sorry," she said sheepishly.

Smirking, Edward pulled her close again. "I didn't mean you should stop hugging me, just be a little gentle with me until you get used to your new strength."

She smiled shyly up at him. "But you'll help me, right?"

Edward couldn't seem to stop grinning at her. "Of course I will." His smile faded as he turned serious for a moment. "How do you feel?"

Taking a little step back, she held up her hands and stared at them, touched them to her hair and then ran them down over her body. Although her steps were anything but wobbly, something in her expression and demeanor made me think of a newborn colt.

With a look of wonder on her face, she finally looked up at Edward. "I feel great, amazing actually," she said. "Everything is so much ... more. It's like having new eyes and all new senses that are a thousand times better than when I was human. To be honest, it's incredible, but a little overwhelming."

"I know," he agreed. "But with time you'll get used to it and it will become second nature to you."

"I'll take your word for it." Then she reached up and touched Edward's cheek. "You're so beautiful."

Emmett snickered but Rose elbowed him to keep him quiet.

Edward took her hand from his cheek and kissed her palm tenderly. "I was thinking the same thing about you," he told her. "So you're all right with the fact that I changed you?"

Blinking at him in surprise, she frowned. "Of course I am, we talked about this when you found me, didn't we?"

He nodded. "Yes, we did but I just ..."

Her eyes were searching his face and she took a sudden step back. "Unless you're sorry that you did."

"Edward ... " Jasper hissed as he obviously sensed a shift in Bella's mood.

Edward ignored him and pulled Bella in close rubbing his nose against hers Eskimo style. "No, love, I don't regret it one bit, I'm thrilled with it actually." He cupped her cheek. "We're the same temperature now and I don't have to worry about hurting you ever again. Best of all, I get to keep you forever. I could never regret that."

Bella visibly relaxed against him. "You had me worried there for a minute."

He stroked a hand down her back. "You never have to worry about how much I want you."

Leave it to Emmett to ruin the sweet moment. "Aw, she's fine," he groused. "She's not going to freak out or anything."

We all ignored him as I turned to Jasper. "Well, Jasper, what do you think?"

Jasper stared at Bella as I assumed he took her emotional temperature. "I don't know how to explain it, but Emmett's right, she seems fine, at least for the moment."

For the first time, Bella seemed to notice the rest of us. "Hi everyone," she said, then she looked at me. "What does he think about what?" Bella asked.

"It's nothing," Edward told her. "Jasper just keeps expecting you to start attacking all of us."

She frowned. "Why would I do that?"

I answered first. "Sometimes newborns can be a little ... out of control."

Bella looked from me to Edward. "But I don't feel out of control." A hint of worry came into her expression and she took a step closer to Edward. "I won't just snap or something, will I?"

Now it was Alice's turn to chime in. "Of course not, don't be silly. You're fine, Jasper and Carlisle are just being worrywarts." She maneuvered around Jasper to wrap Bella in a hug. "I'm so glad we found you in time."

Relaxing at Alice's words, Bella hugged her back and laughed lightly. "Me too."

So as to not overwhelm her, the rest of us slowly came forward to greet her. "Let me be the first to officially welcome you to the family, Bella," I said giving her a hug.

Esme was next. "Immortality suits you," she said as she hugged Bella. "And I have to agree with Edward, you look beautiful."

As soon as Esme had released her, Emmett, being Emmett, couldn't help but play the part of the bull in the china shop and he snatched her up into a hear hug and swung her around. "I missed you little sis! It was SO boring without you around! We're going to have so much fun!"

Bella laughed. "I missed you too, you big lug!"

Rose snorted. "Come on, Emmett, put her down, she's not your new toy."

He laughed and spun Bella around once more and then set her down. I hadn't expected Rose to hug Bella, since hugging wasn't really Rose's thing, but she surprised me and I'm sure nearly everyone else in the room when she did exactly that.

"I'm glad you're all right," she said quietly. "And don't worry, we'll make that bitch pay for what she did."

As she hugged Rose, I saw a flicker of emotion cross Bella's face, but I couldn't tell if it was anger or sadness and then it was gone as she put on a smile as Rose released her. "Thanks, Rose."

That left only Jasper to officially greet her, but he still hadn't moved from the original spot where he'd been standing and had continued to watch Bella carefully as she interacted with all of us.

Now it was Bella's turn to look at Jasper, she wasn't staring at him like someone who was trying to exert some kind of dominance, but instead she seemed to be trying to figure something out. It occurred to me that she was probably really seeing all his scars for the first time and I hoped her vampire instincts didn't make her see him as a threat.

"Um, Jasper how did you get so many scars?" she said carefully as if she were talking to a coiled snake.

"It's a long story," he replied.

All of us were silent as we waited to see what she would say to that and how things would play out between them. It was no secret that Jasper still blamed himself for what happened the night of Bella's birthday and the events that followed it, but he held no ill feelings toward Bella. If anything, part of him felt compelled to make it up to her. In this case, he was just being cautious. We also knew that Bella didn't hold him responsible in any way for what had happened to her.

After a moment, Bella looked up at Edward and then back to Jasper. "I'll make you a deal, Jasper. If you promise to tell me that story sometime soon, I promise that you can be my vampire babysitter until you're satisfied that I'm not going to massacre everyone." She smiled at him. "We can even play cards and you can cheat like Emmett does and when I get mad you can help teach me how to calm down."

"HEY! I don't cheat," Emmett protested, but we all ignored him; he was a notorious cheater.

Whatever Jasper had thought Bella was going to say, it apparently wasn't that because he blinked at her in surprise and appeared to be momentarily speechless. But slowly, his intense look faded and he smiled back at her.

"It's a deal," he said walking forward to give her a hug. "And I have to admit it's going to be nice not to want to kill you all the time."

Bella laughed at that, her laugh more bell-like and lyrical than it had been when she'd been human, but before she could comment, Alice was suddenly bursting with excitement. "Oh! Bella, quick, come over here!" she said as she took Bella's hand and dragged her over to the large mirror she'd propped against the wall and gesturing to it like a game show hostess. "Edward told me I could be the first one to show you what you look like. So ... Tah-Dah!"

With Edward and Alice flanking her, Bella stood in mute fascination as she studied her reflection. As she'd done earlier, she touched her hair and her face, but now her expression didn't exactly scream that she was thrilled with what she saw.

She looked up at Edward. "What about my eyes? How long will they be red like that?"

Edward spoke quickly to reassure her. "They'll darken up in a few months," he said gently. "Animal blood dilutes the color more quickly than a diet of human blood. They'll turn amber first, then gold."

That didn't seem to comfort her as much as he'd hoped. "They're going to look like that for months?" she said, her voice a bit higher and clearly more stressed than it had before.

Jasper stepped closer in case he needed to intervene if Bella's emotions got the better of her. However, it wasn't necessary. Bella caught his movement in the mirror and it was enough to snap her out of her upset.

"No, I'm fine," she said as she looked at herself in the mirror again. "It's just a lot to take in."

We were quiet while Bella continued to study her reflection. "Bella?" Jasper asked.

"Yes?"

"How did you do that?"

She frowned at him in the mirror. "Do what?"

"Control your emotions," he told her. "I've never seen a newborn do that. I could feel you were upset about your eyes, but when you saw we were concerned you reined it in. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it."

She turned away from the mirror to look at him. "I don't know. I just did. I didn't want any of you to worry about me." She frowned. "Is that wrong?"

"No," Edward said. "We're just a little surprised, but happily so, over how well you're doing."

Aside from the fact that she was indeed doing splendidly and since she clearly knew all of us, even the question of her memory no longer seemed to be an issue, it occurred to me that we were ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room, so I spoke up. "Edward, perhaps you should take Bella hunting."

"Oh, of course. I'm sorry, Bella, you must be terribly thirsty," Edward said.

"I hadn't thought about it, but now that you mention it ..." She frowned and rubbed a hand over her throat and her voice took on a slightly rough tone as if it were bone dry. "My throat is burning."

"You definitely should feed," Jasper put in. "It's important for maintaining your control."

Edward nodded in agreement. "We can go hunting right now. I know some places that will be far enough way from humans that they won't be a problem."

"But I don't know what to do."

"Your transition has been so easy so far, I wouldn't be surprised if hunting will turn out to be the same way," Jasper said encouragingly.

Edward took her hand. "I'll be there to help if you need it."

"All right then, let's go."

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Note:<strong> _Well, there you go, my spin on Bella's first moments as a new vampire.

_**Up next in Chapter 50:** _Bella and Edward return from her first hunt and they meet with everyone else to discuss Victoria.

Oh, and we learn that Bella may have a new talent that no one expected. Ooops, I've said too much. ;o) See you then.


	50. Chapter 50

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ See? I told you another chapter! My amazing beta was able to fast track her review and she got it back to me today. Again, because you've been so incredibly patient, I'm posting this even though I just posted chapter 49 this morning. I hope you like it.

Oh! Before I forget, there is a little twist at the end of this chapter, no, no one dies or anything, but please just finish reading and I'll explain more at the end.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 49:<strong>_ Bella woke up and tried to absorb all the changes to her reality as a vampire and then she and Edward left so she could hunt.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 50<strong>_

**BELLA**

I laughed. "She really wanted to put me in a cocktail dress?" I asked Edward as we neared the house after we'd finished hunting. I was a little dirty, but I'd managed to bring down two large deer and my throat felt much better. Hunting in jeans and a blouse had been hard enough, but I couldn't imagine trying to do it in a fancy dress.

Edward grinned as we went inside. "Absolutely, but I knew that you would hate that; not to mention it was impractical, so I put my foot down and she gave in."

"Yeah, Edward, just keep telling yourself that," Alice commented as we walked into the great room where everyone was occupied with various activities. However, I suspected what they were really there for was to see how my first hunting trip had gone. Aside from the fact that even as a vampire I still didn't like being the center of attention, I didn't especially want to rehash my first hunting trip. Unfortunately, I had a feeling I wasn't going to have a lot of choice. Edward told me once that given super hearing and vision and his and Alice's abilities there wasn't a lot of privacy in this family, but now I could see the reality of it first hand.

"Well, how did it go?" Carlisle asked brightly.

"It went fine," Edward answered before I could. "She took down two deer without much help from me at all."

I looked up at him and waited for him to tell them the other part, the part I really didn't want to talk about, but he just smiled down at me and gave my hand a squeeze. Alice had a rather knowing look on her face, so I suspected that she'd already seen what had happened, but she remained oddly silent.

There was a long pause and then Jasper spoke up. "Why do I think you're leaving something out?"

Edward looked at me in question, clearly asking me if I wanted to tell them or not. I knew they'd probably keep at us until we told them so I just sighed. "Go ahead and tell them."

Esme frowned. "Tell us what?"

"There was an incident while we were hunting," Edward began.

"What kind of incident?" Rose asked cautiously.

Even without Jasper's powers, I could tell that the mood in room had shifted from one of curiosity to one of concern.

"It was my fault," Edward told them. "I should have checked and I should have been paying closer attention."

I grabbed his arm. "No, it wasn't your fault."

"You still haven't told us what happened," Rose said in annoyance.

Edward sighed. "She was tracking a deer when she caught the scent of some campers that were in the wrong place at the wrong time." There was a collective gasp from everyone but Alice.

"Edward, how could you be so irresponsible?!" Carlisle admonished.

Then it was Jasper's turn to jump into the fray. "I thought you said you knew where to take her so that she wouldn't encounter anyone."

"It wasn't his fault," I tried to put in, but was soundly ignored.

Edward dragged a hand through his hair. "I know, I know. I was just plain stupid and I made a mistake."

"You should have been more careful," Carlisle put in. "Bella was counting on you."

I couldn't take them ignoring me and attacking him a moment longer and I leapt in front of Edward as my temper boiled over and an angry red haze filled my vision. "WOULD EVERYONE STOP BLAMING HIM!" I yelled.

I suddenly felt a wave of something come over me, almost like a blanket had been tossed over my emotions and I realized Jasper was trying to calm me down, but I wasn't ready to be calm and I glared at him.

"KNOCK IT OFF, JASPER! I'm perfectly in control of myself. I'm pissed, not homicidal, and I would like to have my say, so if you don't mind, stop trying to control my mood!" Jasper stared at me for a moment, then he nodded and I felt the mental blanket ebb away.

Apparently my outbursts had startled everyone, including Edward, into momentary silence, which was fine by me since I was far from done.

"Now, I want all of you to listen. I don't appreciate being ignored and besides, it wasn't Edward's fault that the campers were there when they shouldn't have been. Sometimes things happen and you have to just deal with it. Besides, nothing even happened! He chased me and I growled at him and then I realized what I was doing and I went in the other direction, okay!?" I eyed each of them. "So, stop trying to blame him up because I almost screwed up."

"Bella ..." Edward tried.

I whipped around to face him. "And YOU!" I yelled. "You need to stop blaming yourself for every little thing! I keep telling you that what happened was not your fault! I asked for your help but I am not a child, and vampire or not, I have a brain in my head and when I make a mistake you need to stop apologizing for me! I love you, but you are my fiancé, not my father and if I screw up, then I will be the one to apologize!"

Again, there was a very pregnant silence as if they were waiting for me to say something else, but by then my anger had fled as quickly as it had erupted. "That's it. That's all I have to say," I muttered feeling a bit dispirited. "So, now that you are probably all rethinking the wisdom of changing me and letting me into the family, say what you want."

Emmett went first and to my surprise he snickered. "I like vampire Bella. She's a bad ass."

In contrast to Emmett's sarcasm, Jasper just asked a question. "What did you mean when you said you realized what you were doing during the hunt?"

I figured they were all going to all start yelling at me or telling me to be quiet or something else like that, but I hadn't expected Emmett's teasing or Jasper's simple question. I looked at all of them and found that Emmett was still grinning and everyone else but Edward had a curious and almost admiring look on their faces.

As for Edward, he looked like he wanted to do nothing more than throw me down and have his way with me.

I really didn't understand vampires sometimes. Oh, that's right I was one of them now, so I better work on that.

I looked back at Jasper. "Um, I don't know exactly. It's hard to explain."

"Could you please try?" he asked.

"Okay, well, I was pretty much completely focused onto the scent of the campers and how good they smelled and how much I wanted their blood; then Edward was there. At first, I only saw him as something in my way and as competition for feeding on them and I growled at him, but then he said my name and it was like a switch was flipped. I still craved that smell, craved it more than I've ever craved anything, but I knew that I shouldn't want it and I needed to get away from it, so I held my breath and ran away."

"You ran away?" Jasper asked, incredulous. "You mean you stopped hunting them?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that's what you'd call it."

"But that's unheard of," Jasper argued.

Emmett grinned wider. "See, I told you, she's a bad ass."

I frowned at Jasper who still looked shocked. "I'll say I'm sorry if you want me to, but I'm not," I told him. "I thought it was kind of a good thing I hadn't massacred the campers. I guess I'm not a very good vampire."

"That's not what he means," Rose put in. "He means ..."

"He means you're a bad ass!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Emmett!" everyone shot back.

Then came Edward's quiet voice. "He means you're amazing."

I turned to find him kneeling before me and he still had that look on his face like he wanted to throw everyone else out and have his way with me.

"Edward ... what ...?"

"You can't know how it felt to hear you say I was your fiancé just now. After everything that has happened, I was afraid that you'd forgotten or changed your mind," he said. "And so it occurs to me that it is past time I returned this to you." He drew his hand out of his pocket and I saw that he was holding something between his thumb and forefinger.

It was my engagement ring.

I gasped and looked down at my bare hand. I'd forgotten that Edward had taken it the day that Victoria had attacked, so it wasn't on my finger.

"My ring!"

Edward smiled up at me. "That is if you still want to marry me."

I rolled my eyes and almost gave his shoulder a little shove, but I was worried that with my new strength my 'little' shove, might send him flying across the room, so I didn't. "Silly man, of course I want to marry you."

He took my hand in his and gently slid the ring back on my finger, then he kissed it. "Now, it's back where it belongs."

My eyes burned, but I knew no tears would fall, so I just laughed and launched myself at him. He caught me and we tumbled to the floor and I covered his face with kisses. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he said laughing with me and kissing me back.

"Um, not to interrupt you two love birds, but could we get back to how Bella was able to stop hunting?" Jasper put in.

"Oh, Jasper, let it go," Rose huffed.

Carlisle chimed in. "Maybe her gift is a strong sense of self-control."

"Hmm, I hadn't thought about that. You could be right, Carlisle," Jasper agreed.

Edward and I sat up. "Great, so what you're saying is that my great vampire power is super self control?" I groused. "Fabulous."

"Actually, it's a very valuable gift," Carlisle said. "Normally, newborn vampires, while not quite slathering fiends are very much preoccupied with feeding and find it difficult to control their emotions, but it doesn't appear that will be the case for you. A heightened sense of self control will make it easier for you to be around humans that much sooner and it will also give you more flexibility with regards to when and how you interact with them."

I leaned into Edward. "I guess that's something anyway."

Edward hugged me. "In time, you'll see that it's more than you realize."

"Well, now that we have that settled," Carlisle said. "I think we should move on to a less pleasant topic and discuss the situation with Victoria."

He was right about it being a less pleasant topic and if it wasn't so important to everyone's survival, I would probably refuse to discuss it, but I knew that it was something we needed to talk about and shouldn't put off.

I sighed. "Okay, if we're going to talk about her, then I need to get up off the floor." Edward and I stood up and he drew me into his side. Seeing as how we were going to discuss the recent and still somewhat traumatic events of the past week, I appreciated him keeping me close.

"How's your memory of your time with Victoria, Bella?" Jasper asked.

I considered his question and while my memories were fuzzy, I knew it would have been even worse if Anthony hadn't insisted I keep repeating the events over and over again.

"It's a little hazy, but I think everything's there," I replied. "I'm not sure where to start though."

"Why don't you go over everything that happened after Victoria showed up at the house?" Alice suggested.

I blew out a breath and Edward gave me a little hug. "We know it's hard, Bella, but it's important."

"I know it is, I just ..." I closed my eyes and forced my mind to bring up the memories it was doing its best to try to forget. "Okay, well, Esme and I were talking about the wedding."

"Esme ..." My eyes snapped open and I looked at her. I had forgotten all about her and the fact that I had not been the only one ravaged in the attack. "Are you okay?" Something in my expression had her going into mother mode and crossing the room to us, she hugged me tightly.

"Yes, darling, I'm fine," she said. "Carlisle and Edward put me back together and I'm as good as new."

I held onto her and tried not to squeeze her too hard. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you."

She patted my back. "Shhh, none of that, you tried, but we were definitely outmatched."

Taking her hand, I pulled back to look at her. "I'm so glad you're okay."

Smiling, she kissed my forehead. "I'm glad you're okay, too."

Sensing that I didn't want to let go of her hand while I told the rest of the story, Esme settled herself on my other side as I turned back to everyone. "Sorry, I just remembered the man hurting her."

"It's all right, Bella," Carlisle said. "Go on whenever you're ready."

I nodded and let out a breath. "I can't seem to remember his name, but he burst in with Victoria and seemed to be eager to do all of her dirty work."

"Esme told us his name is Riley," Edward said and I swear I heard Carlisle growl. I looked over at him and given his normal calm, almost serene personality, the thunderous expression I now saw on his face took me by surprise.

Esme squeezed my hand. "He's a little sensitive about Riley since he was the one that hurt me," she reassured me. Then she held her free hand out to him. "It's okay, sweetie." Immediately, he crossed to her and took hold of her hand. Almost instantly, I could see Carlisle's shoulders relax.

"Go on, Bella," Jasper encouraged.

So, with some help from Esme since she had perfect recall of what had happened, I recounted the story of what had taken place at the house. Then, I went on to tell what I could remember of my time in the windowless room and what Victoria told me about her plans.

"I told her that even if she killed me, you would come after her and you wouldn't stop until she was dead, too." I looked up at Edward. "But she didn't seem to care, in fact, as I recall, she seemed eager, even happy for it."

Edward looked from me to Jasper. "That's probably when she talked about making a newborn army."

"It has to be," Jasper agreed. "Unless she was suicidal, there's no other way she could expect her and Riley to survive going up against the seven of us."

"Yeah, we definitely would have pounded the two of them into dust," Emmett put in.

Parts of my time in the windowless room were so much more hazy than others, but I worked hard to pull up any memories I had from that time. "Yes, she said that you wouldn't find her until she was ready and by then it wouldn't just be the two of them against the seven of you because she'd have an army fighting on her side."

I nodded. "And she said she knew that Alice couldn't see her very well ..."

"How did she know that?" Rose asked.

"I don't know, but she did," I replied.

Emmett growled. "I bet it was that slimy rat bastard, Laurent."

I looked up at Edward. "Laurent?"

He nodded. "We've suspected for a while that he was feeding Victoria information about us and that's how she knew where to find the house."

That made sense. "Oh, well in any case, just to be on the safe side, Victoria said she was going to have Riley make the newborns because Alice had never met him and so she wouldn't be able to see what he was doing."

"It's not a bad strategy actually," Jasper said absently. "Alice wouldn't have seen this coming and if Bella hadn't been able to warn us, we would have gone after Victoria, been greeted with her shiny new army, and we'd be the ones pounded into dust." He looked at each of us. "We have to find her and stop her _before_ she makes the army."

"And just how do you think we're going to do that?" Emmett asked. "I doubt she and her bootlicker stuck around Ithaca waiting for us. If it were me and I'd just done what they did to Bella, the first thing I'd do was get the hell out of Dodge."

"Emmett makes a good point," Carlisle added, then turned to me. "Bella, I don't suppose Victoria told you where she planned to go, did she?"

I frowned. "I'm not sure ... maybe."

Something kept brushing at the back of my mind. I just knew I had the answer to where she'd gone if I could just put my mental finger on it.

And then I had it.

"Wait, yes!" I blurted suddenly. "To the place it all started."

"What do you mean, Bella?" Esme asked.

"I just remembered. Victoria said when she was ready for you to find her, it would be in the place where it had all started ... the place we first met her."

Alice filled in the blank. "The clearing near Forks? The one where we played baseball?"

"Exactly! She said that she and Riley would lie low for a while to let you all stew about what had happened to me like she had stewed about what happened to James. Then they would build the newborn army in Seattle because it was close to Forks and no one would really notice or make too much of a fuss if people started to go missing. And finally, when she was ready, she would lure you all to the clearing and get her revenge." I frowned as I remembered the other part. "She also promised to turn the newborns loose on Forks as a victory celebration."

Everyone was quiet for a long time as they considered the ramifications of Victoria's plans, not only for our family, but for Forks and even the people of Seattle that might be caught up in everything.

"Well, if we're going to stop her then we are going to need a plan," Jasper said. "At least we have one huge thing in our favor."

"What's that?" Esme said.

He grinned. "Bella. She's a newborn, so we'll have her extra strength and more importantly she's given us the intel we need on Victoria's plans so we'll be the ones surprising _her_."

If I'd still been human, I would have blushed for sure. "Well, Anthony gets some of the credit. I don't think I would have remembered as much as I did if he hadn't kept telling me to think about it over and over again while I was still with Victoria and when I was changing."

Alice looked at me strangely. "Who's Anthony?"

Ooops, the words had tumbled out of my mouth before I had taken into account the fact that only Edward knew anything about my invisible sidekick. I wondered just how crazy they thought I'd be once I told them.

I looked up at Edward and even though he knew about Anthony, he hadn't known that Anthony had appeared to me recently so his expression, while not baffled, was curious as well.

"Well ... it's a little hard to explain." I sighed and just decided to spit it out. "Anthony is sort of my ... invisible friend."

"What do you mean your 'invisible' friend?" Alice asked.

"Just what I said. He's someone my mind created when things got really bad when I was in the hospital and he still appears to me now and then."

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "He doesn't tell you to kill us all and take over the world or anything, does he?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, of course not. I kind of think of him as my therapist," I tried to explain. "He actually looks like Edward, or at least what I thought Edward looked like when he was human."

"You don't have invisible sex with him or anything, do you?" Emmett said.

Even the idea of that creeped me out and I made a face. "EWWW! No! Of course not!"

"Emmett!" Rose said smacking him in the head.

"What?! I didn't know!"

"It's not like that with him. I don't have the same feelings for him that I have for Edward," I insisted. "He's more like my brother, or maybe Edward's brother."

Everyone looked at the man in question. "You don't look overly surprised to hear about this," Alice commented to him.

Edward shrugged. "I'm not. She told me about him before. But I didn't know he'd appeared to her when she was with Victoria."

"Anthony normally only appears when Edward can't be with me or when I'm in really dire circumstances, so I see him as my own mental Edward." I looked up at the love of my life. "He kept telling me to hang on because he knew you would come for me if I could hang on long enough."

He kissed me lightly. "Then I owe him everything."

I leaned into him for a moment and then turned to look at everyone. "I called him Anthony because when he first appeared it was too hard to call him Edward, but I haven't seen him since my change." I sighed. "He was a good friend, but I suppose I won't see him again now that I'm a vampire and much less breakable."

On the heels of my words, a collective gasp went up as everyone jerked around to look at something behind me.

"Who the hell is that?!" Jasper exclaimed.

Getting up from the chair, Edward and I turned around to see what they were staring at. Beside me, Edward gasped right along with the rest of them as I blinked in surprise at the figure standing right behind our chair.

"Oh, my God." To say I was stunned by what I was seeing was an understatement. "You mean you can see him, too?"

"Hell, yes we can see him!" Emmett said and before we could say anything else, he rushed forward to tackle the interloper. However, even though the figure appeared to be solid, Emmett passed right though him as if he were a ghost. As for the figure, he remained unchanged and unmoving.

"He looks just like Edward," Alice exclaimed in wonder as she circled around him.

"He should," I told her as we all gathered around to study the figure. "That's Anthony!"

"But how the hell is he here?" Rose said as she reached out to touch him. Just as with Emmett her hand passed through him. "I thought you said he was only in your mind."

"He was ... I mean he is," I fumbled. "I don't know how he's here."

"Bella, are you doing this?" Carlisle asked.

Bewildered, I looked at him. "No, of course not ... well, at least I don't think so."

"She has to be doing it," Edward said in wonder looking at himself in what I was sure was a surreal moment for him. "No one else knew what Anthony actually looks."

"But HOW is she doing it?" Jasper said. "Especially when she doesn't seem to be aware she's doing it."

Standing beside Anthony, a little smile lifted the corner of Edward's mouth. "Well, Bella, it's beginning to look like you may have more gifts than super self-control."

Emmett grinned. "BAD ... ASS."

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <strong>_So the twist I meant in my earlier note was obviously the fact that Bella is somehow projecting an image of Anthony. The reason why I sort of warned you about it in the beginning was because when my beta started reading that section she commented that she wondered how she was going to tell me that I'd gone off the reservation, but then she figured out what I was doing and that Bella was projecting the image and then she liked it. To be clear, it's just a life sized 3D image of Anthony, like a hologram. I also want to be clear on the point that Anthony was never meant to be any kind of competition for Edward. Anthony was more for times that Edward couldn't be there but Bella needed him.

If you think it's an impossible talent for Bella to have, then I point to Amazon vampire Zafrina's abilities. In _Breaking Dawn_ we saw that Zafrina could make you see things that weren't there, the only difference here is that Bella is projecting a person (Anthony will not be the only one she'll eventually be able to project) and not just a scene or a landscape. Please note, Bella will still have her mental shield although it too will have a twist on it.

I also want to give credit where credit is due. The idea for Bella's new talent came from a few of the readers and I ran with it so I would like to send out a HUGE thank you to them for the idea. In their review, _**LunaDiSangue85**_commented, _I was thinking that it would be cool if Bella's ability, would be her__being to project hallucinations. It be a cool way to use it as__a lure or a diversion!_ One guest reviewer asked: _Is Anthony going to be part of her talent?_ And _**JavaMasta**_ said: _Do you think Edward will ever "meet" Anthony? _

So thanks for the idea!

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><p><em><strong>Up next in Chapter 51:<strong>_ Bella works on her new talent and the crew makes preparations to travel back to Washington.


	51. Chapter 51

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful. A special thanks to Im2xshy for the quick beta on this chapter.

_**Author's Note:**_ To say I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted is an understatement. The delay was a combination of being slammed at work, trying to get some work done on my home, and health issues that have robbed me of energy, inspiration and motivation. That being said, I absolutely plan on finishing this story and never even thought about abandoning it. Thank you to everyone that is still out there reading this story, you have been incredibly patient and I will do my best not to make you wait so long for the next chapter.

Oh! I wanted to quickly address something one of my reviewers said. They commented about the fact that Victoria knew about Bella still being alive. To be clear, Victoria does not know Edward and the Cullens found Bella in time and that she is now a vampire. The first part of this chapter was written specifically to reinforce that.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 50:<strong>_ Bella and Edward returned from Bella's first hunt and Edward told everyone how Bella was able to stop hunting some humans they found by accident. The family, and especially Jasper, is pretty surprised by how well Bella is adjusting to her new vampire nature. Bella also let it slip to everyone that she saw Anthony while Victoria had her captive. Since Edward was the only one that knew about Anthony, Bella had to explain who and what he was. Then she stunned all of them because as she was talking about Anthony, an image of him appeared out of thin air and that was how they discovered that Bella had a very unexpected talent; she could project images from her mind.

And now on with the show...

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 51<strong>_

**RILEY**

Looking around me, I took in the sight of what I'm sure most would call picturesque surroundings, but to me it was just another place we'd gotten stuck in. We'd 'borrowed' the remote mountain lake cabin from it's owner a few weeks earlier; well, not so much borrowed as stolen when we'd fed on him and his fishing buddy.

Well, it certainly wasn't as if they were going to need it anymore, especially after we'd used the motor from their boat to anchor their bodies to the bottom of the lake.

Finally, I threw aside the magazine I'd been attempting to read. "We've been here for three weeks, Victoria. I know you said we should lay low for awhile, but when in the hell are we going to actually DO something?"

The beautiful redhead sitting on the deck chair beside me looked up from her own magazine and, from behind the sunglasses she'd also appropriated from the previous owner of the cabin, lifted a brow at me. "Whining is very unattractive, Riley."

"I know, but ..." I sighed and worked to remove the whining from my voice. "I just thought we'd be moving on to Seattle by now."

Completely unconcerned, she took a slow look around the wide deck we were currently sunning ourselves on. "And what exactly do you have against staying in this nice place that has a roof and running water?"

"I don't have anything against it, I just didn't think we were going to be here forever. Exactly how long did you plan on staying here? I'm ready to get started on building this army you told me about."

"You know, Riley, you really need to work on your patience. Good things come to those who wait."

I hated when she got like this and basically ignored my questions and answered them with something completely different. It made me feel like a five year old.

"Victoria ..." I said in exasperation.

"It's safe to assume that you're feeling some cabin fever and going a little stir crazy?" she said, still apparently unperturbed by my outbursts.

"Yes! Exactly!"

She smirked. "Then just imagine how the Cullens are feeling right now."

I blinked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Just think about it. Their precious Bella is dead and thanks to you covering her eyes and then snapping her neck, the fortune-teller didn't see where you left her, so they don't even know where her body is. And to top it off, they must want revenge for her death, for us hurting the other woman, and for us destroying their house, but they have no idea where we are or what we're planning." The smirk became a grin and she giggled. "Just imagine how crazy all that is making them."

I nodded, but forced myself not to react to her words in any other way. If I was to contradict Victoria and point out the fact that I hadn't covered the human's eyes and I hadn't snapped her neck as she instructed me to, then she'd probably fly into one of her rages and I'd probably end up missing my head.

Then again, I wasn't worried about her finding out. I was sure that the human girl couldn't have survived more than a few minutes after I left her in the landfill and Victoria was right when she said that there was no way the Cullens could have found where I'd left her.

Like I said, nothing to worry about.

At least that was my story and I was sticking to it.

Given that my sense of self-preservation kicked in right about then I decided to shift the subject. "You know, I've been wondering about something," I began. "If the Cullens don't know our plans, then how are they going to know where to find us when we've got the army ready?"

She smiled slyly. "My friend Laurent works both ways. First, he fed us information about the Cullens and when I'm ready, I'll feed him information to give TO the Cullens. They'll be so frantic to find me that they swallow the information hook, line, and sinker. I'm sure they'll come to us without any trouble."

While I didn't like the idea of working with the dreadlocked asshole again, I couldn't help but smirk. "And they'll walk right into our little army and we will rip them to pieces."

Victoria nodded. "They'll never know what hit them." She reached out to stoke my cheek. "And then we can be together forever, lover."

I rubbed my hands gleefully. Instead of making me more patient, her words had made me more raring to go than ever. "So, when were you planning on getting to Seattle so we can start building the army?"

She sighed and I had the distinct impression that she was trying not to be annoyed with me, but she seemed to be considering my question all the same. "Hmmm, that's an interesting question. We don't want to let too much time pass or their anger against us might cool down. However, we also need time to find our new soldiers and then train them into an army that will serve us well." She tapped her fingernail against her full bottom lip. "I think a week longer here should do it. Then we'll move to Seattle and set up for the newborns." She gave me a sideways look and there was a hint of sarcasm in her voice when she spoke. "If that meets with your approval."

"It's perfect," I reached out and took her hand. Bringing it to my lips, I started to kiss my way up her arm. "Now that we have that settled, I think I have an idea of how we can spend the next week."

"Which is?" she said coyly.

I grinned. "Making use of that big bed upstairs."

She stuck out her lip in an adorable baby doll pout. "You know I want to, Riley, but when we got here, I told you that I wanted us to both spend the time getting mentally ready for the big fight with the Cullens. That's what our focus should be. Sex, as amazing as it is with you, will just take our focus away from our ultimate goal. You understand, don't you?"

"I guess," I muttered, trying to extinguish the flare of anger that had gone through me.

How exactly was sitting on this deck in bumbfuck Idaho sunning herself and reading a copy of _Cosmopolitan_ magazine helping her to 'mentally prepare'? If I didn't know better, I'd say she was just using it as an excuse not to be with me, but she loved me and had told me repeatedly how good sex with me was, so I didn't see how that was possible.

"You don't understand, do you?" she said looking like she wanted to cry, if she physically could have, that is. "I'm just trying to do everything I can to get rid of the Cullens so we can be together without fear of what they might do to us and you hate me for it, don't you?" With that she buried her face in her hands.

Instantly contrite that I'd upset her, I knelt down beside her chair and laid my hand on her arm. "Of course, I don't hate you, baby. I love you. It's just that I miss being with you like that."

She lifted her beautiful face to look at me. "And you think I don't? I love being with you like that too, but right now I need to focus."

"I think you give the Cullens too much credit," I grumbled.

"And I think you don't give them enough," she snapped back.

"But with army we're going to assemble, there will a lot more of us then there will be of them."

"Riley, the Cullens are very cunning and even with our army, getting rid of them will not be a cake-walk."

I let out a breath. "I guess I'll just have to trust you on that one."

She smiled at me, her skin glittering in the light of the setting sun. "I'm glad we agree that I know best when it comes to the Cullens." A little smirk reemerged on her lips. "And I promise to give you all the sex you can handle once we're free of the Cullens once and for all."

I grinned stupidly at her. God, I was so over the moon for this woman. "I'm going to hold you to that."

**BELLA**

I sat cross-legged on the floor of the sun room, trying my best to meditate, but it wasn't really working.

"Stop distracting me, Edward," I said addressing my fiancé, who was sitting in the large armchair by the window.

"How am I distracting you?" he teased. "I'm not doing anything but sitting here."

I cracked one eye open to find him grinning at me. "You know that's all it takes," I told him. He knew as well as I did that him just being in the same room with me was plenty of distraction. I could always feel when his eyes were on me even when my own eyes were closed.

He chuckled. "Okay, I'm sorry. I know you wanted to meditate. Do you want me to leave?"

I sighed and opened my eyes. "No, it's not happening anyway," I said flopping back onto the yoga mat I was sitting on more out of habit than need for comfort; my new vampire body was as comfortable on a tile floor as it was on a soft feather bed.

Getting up from his chair, he crossed the room and dropped down beside me on the floor. "I'm sorry that you've been struggling with your meditation."

"My new brain is just going in too many directions. Meditation helps, but even with it, getting my thoughts under control can be a little like trying to corral a large flock of chickens with a butterfly net."

He burst out laughing. "Bella, you have the most interesting way of putting things."

He leaned over and kissed me as I ran a hand through his hair. The taste and feel of him had always been so intoxicating, but now with my new senses it was almost beyond description. He'd once accused me of being his own personal brand of heroin and now I saw what he meant because he'd become mine. One of us could hardly be out of the room without the other before we started to feel what could only be described as itchy and unsettled. It had been especially bad for me, which I supposed, was due to the fact that I was still so new to this life.

Unfortunately, beyond some intensive kissing and touching, we hadn't gone back to the more physical part of our relationship that we'd enjoyed before my kidnapping and change three weeks ago. Part of me longed for ... even grieved for that, but the other part was so focused on finding Victoria, exploring my new senses, and working to understand and control my power that I felt like I had to set that part of myself aside for the time being.

As for Edward, he had been incredibly patient, and I knew he was waiting for a sign from me before he made any overtures in that area.

"If that's what you call meditating, then Rosie and I better give it a try," a voice from the doorway said.

Breaking off the kiss, we both sighed and sat up. "Hi, Emmett."

Grinning, he crossed the room and sat down with us. "So, B.A., can you do me again?"

After finding out what I could do, Emmett had quickly changed my nickname from 'Little Sis' to 'B.A.' which, of course, was short for 'Bad Ass.' I wanted to be annoyed with him for it, but truth was, I thought it was pretty cool that big, bad Emmett thought little ole me was a bad ass.

"No, Emmett, she cannot 'do you' and please don't say it like that," Edward snapped.

"I didn't mean it that way and you know it so get your mind out of the gutter." Emmett smirked. "It's not my fault if you're feeling a little ... deprived."

Since I was the reason Edward was feeling 'deprived,' if I had still retained the ability to blush I knew I'd be doing it like crazy right about now. "And on that note," I said, starting to get up. "I think I'll go find somewhere else to be."

"No, Bella. Please don't go, he's just trying to bait me," Edward said before turning to his brother. "Emmett, apologize for embarrassing Bella."

Emmett at least had the grace to look chagrined. "Um, sorry, Bella, I really didn't mean it. I was just trying to get a rise out of him and ... " Realizing what he'd said, he swallowed. "Sorry, I didn't mean that either, I uh ... ah, hell you know what I mean."

I sighed. "It's fine, Emmett, but for five whole minutes could you please stop trying to tease Edward and embarrass me?"

He nodded and then grinned like the overgrown kid he was. "Sure. I can do five minutes. Now do you think you can make one of me?"

At that point, Edward was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Emmett, she not some trained seal that can do tricks on command."

"I know she's not, don't get your panties in a bunch," he grumbled. "It's just really cool to see her do it and I know that usually her powers work better after she meditates." He smirked. "Or whatever you crazy kids are calling it these days."

I looked at Edward. "All I asked for was five minutes. I didn't think it was that much to ask."

Edward shrugged. "Unfortunately, I think he's pretty much a lost cause."

"I know you both think you're funny, but your routine needs work," Emmett replied. "Now can you pleeeease try and make one of me?"

"Whining does not become you, Emmett," Edward told him.

Emmett ignored him. "I'm not above begging, and you know I'll keep bugging you until you give in."

"Well, he's got me there," I told Edward before turning back to Emmett. "Okay, fine. Give me a minute and let me see what I can do."

In the three weeks since my change, I'd slowly started to get some kind of feel for my new gift. When I'd first produced Anthony, I hadn't even realized I was doing it and the biggest hurdle I'd had in learning how to use my ability was defining exactly how it worked. The meditation techniques I'd used as a human had definitely helped with that as I'd been able to calm my mind just enough to begin to 'feel' what happened when I projected something. With Anthony the first time, I hadn't known what I was doing but I'd already been subconsciously focusing on him so it had been easy. However, after working to do it again and analyzing the best way to make it happen, I'd broken it down into a two-fold process.

First, I had to picture something in my mind; well, maybe 'picture' wasn't the right word as the image couldn't just be two dimensional like a photograph. I had to visualize it as something more like a three dimensional statue that I could see all the way around and I had to put as much detail into it as possible; the more the better. The place in my mind where these three dimensional images formed I'd started to call the 'green room' just like the rooms in real that people waited in until they were called on stage. In point of fact, like most real life 'green rooms,' the room in my head was not actually green. Instead, mine was a black space with a small-lighted dais in the center that rotated so I could see all sides of the image.

The second part of the process was a bit harder to describe as it just sort of happened. After concentrating on the image for a period of time, the walls of the 'green room' would begin to ripple, like small waves on a pond under moonlight or a darker version of the ripples that rose from a heated desert road. The ripples would then intensify as if the power were gathering in my head and then when it reached a peak, the image would disappear from the 'green room' with a subtle pop and appear outside my head.

While I felt like I was going at a snail's pace, everyone else had repeatedly praised me on how far I'd come with developing my new power. Apparently, it often took years to decades for new vampires to then identify much less develop their powers; if they had powers, that is.

Despite their praise, I knew I had a long way to go. There were in fact, still a lot of limitations to what I could and could not do.

I couldn't get the images to move or speak.

I never knew exactly where the image would appear, although they did stay in 20-foot radius around me.

I could manifest objects, as well as people, as long as the object wasn't too big. Emmett dared me to manifest a bulldozer and it came out half-sized and looking like something that was put together by a two year old using extra large Lego blocks.

The time it took for me to focus on the image in the 'green room' before it would manifest, had gotten progressively shorter the more I practiced, but I never knew how long the image would last once I manifested it and as far as I could tell, I couldn't make it 'switch off' when I wanted it to. Instead the images followed me around and seemed to go away when they were ready. On average they seemed to last five to ten minutes, with the initial image of Anthony lasting the longest at 20 minutes and one I'd done of Jasper lasting the shortest at about 30 seconds.

So far, I'd found that I could only manifest one image at a time and I had to wait about 30 minutes between projections before I could do it again.

Apparently, I wasn't actually projecting something into the air like a hologram, but instead I was implanting an image in the minds around me, including my own and my range seemed to be 100 – 120 feet. If the observer got about 100 feet away from me, the image would begin to fade and then at the 125 foot mark it would disappear all together, even though to those standing closer it was still there.

At times, the whole thing was completely overwhelming to me and on more than one occasion, I'd given myself the equivalent of a vampire headache, which was more annoying than painful. Most everyone in the family thought I could probably overcome of lot of the issues I was having given enough time and practice, but it was still frustrating to me now.

Carlisle had to remind me more than once that I had to crawl before I could run.

But for the moment, I was focused on the image of Emmett and just to see if I could do it, I added something special to the image as payback for him interrupting Edward and me.

The image formed in my mind and I packed it with detail. Then I smiled as it popped and disappeared from my head.

And before I could even open my eyes, I heard Emmett let out something between a scream and a squeal as Edward erupted into side-splitting laughter.

Snapping my eyes open, I was greeted to the sight of Emmett's back as he ran from the room like he was being chased by the devil himself and Edward, who was still laughing as he all but rolled on the floor.

"That ... was ... awesome!" he said between guffaws.

I frowned as I stared at the image I'd produced of Emmett dressed as clown, complete with a red nose, full face paint, a polka-dot outfit, huge floppy shoes and wild cherry red hair ah-la Bozo the Clown. "What's wrong with him? I figured he'd think it was funny."

"Emmett's terrified of clowns," Rose said from the doorway, but despite her words she didn't look especially concerned.

"He is? I didn't know that."

Edward managed to control himself long enough to speak. "Back in the fifties, we all went to the circus and when they brought out the clowns, he nearly caused a panic in the audience with his screaming and before any of us could stop him, he literally ran out of the tent without actually using the opening and left an Emmett sized hole in the canvas." He started laughing again. "The owners of the circus made us pay for the repairs and we didn't see Emmett for two days."

"Apparently, he had some kind of bad experience with a clown when he was a kid," Rose put in. "Then his fear only got worse when Jasper dared him to watch that Stephen King movie _IT_, you know the one about the killer, evil clown?"

I nodded. "So what happened?"

"Well, you know that Emmett can't back down from a dare."

"Right," I agreed.

"Well, he only made it about half way through the movie before he ran screaming from the room," Rose explained. "Only this time instead of making an Emmett shaped hole in a canvas wall, he made one through the wall of the house."

Edward was laughing again. "Esme was furious and grounded both Emmett and Jasper for a week."

"Wait, how exactly do you ground vampires?"

Rose answered. "She made them fix the house and then the only time they were allowed to leave their rooms was to hunt or go to school." She grinned a little. "She also got Alice and me to promise not to have sex with them for a week."

"Ouch!" I commented. "That must have been really hard ... err, difficult for them."

Rose shrugged. "I think it punished me and Alice more as we had to listen to them whining about it. On the other hand, it got them to stop trying to one up each other ... for a couple of weeks anyway." She sighed. "But the whole experience did nothing to lessen Emmett's fear of clowns."

"Well, now I really do feel terrible," I told her. "I never would have dressed his image like a clown if I'd known all that." I smacked Edward on the shoulder. "Stop laughing, it's not funny."

"Yes, it is," he protested, still chuckling. "If you only knew how many pranks Emmett has pulled on us over the years, you would agree that he totally had it coming."

Rose broke into a grin. "While I don't like to see Emmett upset, I know you didn't mean any harm and Edward does have a point about the pranks." She looked in the direction Emmett had gone in. "At least this time I don't think he did any property damage."

I started to get up. "I should go find him so I can apologize."

She waved me off. "Don't worry about it, Bella. I'll go find him." She smirked. "I know just how to calm him down."

As he disappeared back into the hall, it wasn't difficult for me to figure out what Rose had planned to do to 'calm him down' and given the fact that I did not want to stumble over them 'calming' each other, I settled back down beside Edward who was still having a hard time completely controlling his laughter.

"Okay, you've had your fun now," I chided. "When Emmett comes back I think we should both apologize."

That stopped his laughter cold.

He looked very put out by the mere suggestion of an apology. "You're the one who dressed him up as a clown. Why should I be the one to apologize?"

"Oh, I'm going to apologize, too, but you should apologize because you laughed at him."

"But he laughs at me on a regular basis!" Edward insisted and I had to agree that he had a point. Emmett was quite the jokester and Edward was a favorite target.

"Be that as it may, you need to be the bigger person." I said sagely.

"But Bella ... " he whined.

I huffed and blew some hair out of my face. "Okay, fine, don't apologize but could you at least try NOT to laugh at him or tease him when he gets back?"

"Are we talking forever or just about this?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just about this. I know I'd be asking the impossible if I requested forever. After all, 'forever' is a very long time for us."

His eyes watched me and I saw them turn from laughing to intense in the space of a few moments. "Forever is indeed a very long time for us, something for which I am grateful every day," he said cupping my cheek.

Then he leaned in and kissed me and I felt heat go through my body in delicious waves as his lips played over mine and his tongue slid past into my mouth to taste my tongue. When we finally parted, we were lying back on the yoga mat with him hovering above me.

I stared up at him, no, I'm not sure 'stared' is the right word. I think it was more that I drank in the sight of him, because I found myself wanting to just ... absorb him. Then, in a flash of insight, something occurred to me and I blinked at him.

Apparently, he saw the wheels turning in my head and frowned. "What is it?"

"You," I said softly. "I can't get over it. Ever since I became a vampire I've seen a big change in you. You're ... lighter. You laugh and smile more and you seem more at ease with me, with your family and most of all with yourself. You don't seem as burdened down as you once did."

He looked almost shy for a moment before he answered. "I haven't thought about it much, but I guess you're right."

"Why do you think that is?"

Quietly, he lay down beside me and gathered me against him so my cheek was resting on his shoulder before he answered. "It's pretty simple really. I got everything I wanted."

"How so exactly?"

"Bella, do you remember that day when you first saw my house back in Forks?"

I searched my fuzzy human memory for the day he was talking about. "Yes, I remember ... mostly."

"Do you remember me telling you about the rebellious period I had shortly after Carlisle changed Esme and married her?"

I pulled hard at the memories and was pleased when they surfaced without too much trouble. "Yes, I remember."

"What I didn't tell you was that my first victim was Esme's abusive husband, Charles Evenson."

I was surprised by his words to say the least. "Really?"

"Yes, I thought that it was the least I could do for her. When she was still human and found out she was pregnant, she ran from him to protect the baby and even after her change when she could have snapped him like a twig, I think part of her was still afraid he would find out where she'd gone, so I figured it would give her some peace of mind to know he was gone from her life permanently. He was a reprehensible human being anyway and local law enforcement was not going to do anything to prosecute him for the way he treated her." He sighed. "Back then, most officials saw spousal abuse as a private, family matter and looked the other way. So I tracked him down, fed on him and killed him."

I could never condemn him for such a thing. In my opinion, anyone who would hurt someone as sweet and kind as Esme got what they deserved. "Sounds like you did Esme and the world a favor."

He didn't say anything to that and was quiet for a long time. I thought about trying to say something to prod him into speaking again, but knowing Edward, he would talk when he was ready. My patience was rewarded a few minutes later.

"You see, Bella, I had always hated being a vampire and especially after that time away from Carlisle and Esme and given the fact that I'd killed so many, I felt like I was being punished and that I had to deny myself and my needs in order to do a ... penance, if you will, for everything fate had decided that I had done wrong and by doing so I'd somehow tip the scales back in my favor." He laughed but it wasn't a humorous or happy sound. "It seems kind of ridiculous when I say it out loud like that."

I didn't think it was ridiculous so much as the saddest thing I ever heard. No wonder he'd always seemed so tormented. He'd been tormenting himself. "Edward," I said gently. "That's no way to live your life."

"I know that now. It's something I've learned because of you," he said pulling me tighter against him. "You walked into my life and no matter how hard I tried to resist you and what I felt for you, you were always there." He ran a hand down my back. "Even after I left you and you almost died because of it, you still loved me."

"Yes, I'm quite stubborn," I said trying to lighten his mood a bit.

"And thank God you are." He chuckled softly then quieted. "I nearly lost you so many times, and yet you're still here."

I hugged him tighter. "WE'RE still here."

He toyed with my hair for a moment. "By changing you and seeing how amazing you are as a vampire, the scales have finally fallen from my eyes. I understand now that being a vampire has not been a curse, but a blessing because it allowed me to live long enough to meet you. Consequently, I need to embrace my life rather than fight it and let myself accept the gifts I've been given." Turning his head, he pressed his lips to my temple. "And you're one of the gifts, Bella. You're the gift of all gifts and after almost losing you so many times, I don't intend to waste another moment with you."

My throat tightened and my now silent heart swelled at his words. "Same goes for me," I told him quietly. "I'm thankful everyday that I met you and that I now get to love you every day of our forever." Shifting my body, I moved until I was lying on top of him and leaning in, I kissed him, long and hard trying to show him how much I meant it. Heat and desire began to unfurl deep in my belly and between my thighs for what felt like the first time in forever.

A few long, heated moments later, I pulled back to look at him. "Speaking of wasting moments, I'm sorry that I have been somewhat ... distracted when it comes to alone time for us."

He smiled warmly at me as he tucked some hair behind my ear. "It's all right. We have time. I know it can be difficult being a newborn and that you've been focused on other things."

"That's true, but I'm beginning to see that I shouldn't be so focused on things that are not as important to me as you are." I traced my finger over his lips. "You are my gift of all gifts too."

Leaning down to touch my lips to his again, I spoke between kisses as I felt the length of him harden against my thigh.

"How about ... we go find ... one of the ... many ... big beds ... in this place ... and I will show you ... just how much ... I like my ... gift."

Before he could say anything, there was a throat clearing behind us. "Sorry, but we don't have time for that. We have a lot to do if we're going to leave for Seattle the day after tomorrow."

With a sigh, I dropped my head down on Edward's chest in frustration. I'm finally ready to have some hanky-panky with Edward and Alice is there blocking me.

"I hate your sister," I growled.

He chuckled. "She's your sister too, you know."

"How could I forget?"

Alice was now tapping her foot impatiently. "You do know I can hear you, right?"

Resigned to the fact that Alice was going to keep us busy enough that we wouldn't have time for the sex I'd been thinking about, I rolled off of Edward and sat up. I couldn't help but smirk as I watched him sit up carefully and pull the hem of his shirt down over his lap.

"Hi Alice. What's up?" I said trying to sound breezy.

"You mean other than me?" Edward muttered from behind me making me giggle and bump his shoulder with mine.

Alice ignored us. "What's up is the fact that Emmett and Rose are nowhere to be found so packing and loading up the RV is going to take a lot longer."

"Sorry, Alice, that was my fault. I made that clown of him over there..." I began, then stopped when I saw that the image of Emmett the Clown was gone. "Huh, well, it was over there, I wonder when that disappeared."

"But Emmett's scared of clowns," she said helpfully.

"Yes, well I didn't know that then," I explained. "He took one look at it and ran out. Rose went after him."

"Ah, so that's why they left. I saw a vision of Emmett running and then him and Rose, well doing what they so often do and wondered why he left in such a hurry," she told us. "I don't think they'll be back before tomorrow. With Carlisle signing out at the hospital for the last time and collecting the things from his office, I'm going to need the two of you and Esme to help me get the house packed up and our things into the RV and I won't take no for an answer."

Knowing she was right and we did need to get organized so we could be on our way to ridding Victoria from our lives once and for all, I gave Edward a long-suffering look and stood up.

"Okay, let's get to work."

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Sorry for turning Alice into a cock blocker for Edward and Bella (my beta was very unhappy about that turn of events). However, don't worry, they will definitely reconnect on that level before the end of the story.

I was looking up something on the Twilight Lexicon when I found that tidbit about Esme's abusive husband being Edward's first victim during his 'rebellious' period. It apparently didn't appear in the regular books but was a secondary comment by SM and I believe it also appeared in the Twilight Reference Guide.

_**In the next chapter:**_ The Cullens get to Seattle and set up camp. Very soon they begin to see signs that Victoria may have started to put her plans into action.


	52. Chapter 52

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful. A special thanks to Im2xshy for the quick beta on this chapter.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Hello? Is anyone still out there? I know, I know, I suck for making you wait so long for a new chapter. I was out of town over Thanksgiving and then I caught a cold that turned into bronchitis so it's been one fun thing after another. On the upside you'll be getting not one but two chapters (Chapter 52 now and Chapter 53 tomorrow). Now that I seem to have finally gotten the upper hand on my bronchitis, hopefully you won't have so much time to wait for a new chapter. I think there will be 2 more chapters to this story (after Ch. 53). Thanks to everyone that is still with me and the new readers that recently found it.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 51:<strong>_ Riley and Victoria plotted and schemed in a remote mountain cabin, while Bella worked to control her powers. Emmett was teasing Bella and Edward and asked Bella to create an image of him. Not knowing he was afraid of clowns, she created an image of Emmett in a clown suit which completely freaked him out and sent him running out into the woods. Rose promised to bring him back and Alice showed up to say it was time to pack for their trip to Washington.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 52<strong>_

**BELLA**

Seattle was a blur far below me. I worked to suppress a laugh of pure joy as I jumped easily from the roof of one building to another, happy that the night was dry and not raining for a change. The feeling of freedom I had when it came to running and jumping since becoming a vampire was indescribable. After my change, Emmett had teased me about the fact that I'd probably be the first clumsy vampire in history: fortunately, he'd been wrong about that and I was even more graceful and coordinated than expected.

Emmett.

At the thought of my vampire brother, I frowned.

While he wasn't exactly pissed at me anymore for 'clown-gate' as I'd taken it to calling it, we hadn't gotten back to easy camaraderie we'd had before. He was speaking to me but it was selective and he'd focused all of his teasing and practical jokes on me. While I agreed that he'd deserved to get some payback for the clown thing, he was clearly holding a grudge and didn't show any signs of letting go of it anytime soon even though I'd apologized again and again.

The worst part was that he'd gone out of his way to interrupt my alone time with Edward and he was always doing something to break us up if we were kissing or doing any other similar activities. Consequently, there still had been no sex for Edward and me. A couple of times, Edward had even jokingly offered to kill Emmett for me.

At least I think he was joking.

Needless to say we were both feeling beyond deprived by now. I'd even heard Edward muttering 'damn cock blocker' a couple of times and that was not language that he would normally use, so I knew he was feeling frustrated.

In any case, I thought a time was coming soon when Emmett and I would have to have a talk and come to some kind of understanding. Not only was I tired of being the butt of his jokes and pranks, I missed my goofy big brother.

Reaching my target building, I started to walk the perimeter of the roof to scan the streets below for anything significant. The problem we had in searching for Victoria was that while we could pick up her scent if we came across it, she could also pick up ours. The intermittent rain helped wash ours away, but again, that worked both ways and it also helped to rinse away hers. Trying to find Riley's scent was even trickier. When I'd been human, my senses hadn't been good enough to fully take it in and so Esme was the only one who really knew what his scent smelled like as the fire had destroyed his scent for the others as surely as it had destroyed the house.

And then there was the problem of my scent. While it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility that the rest of the family would be in Seattle since they lived in Forks at one time and might come back to the Pacific Northwest after all the events in New York, we assumed that Victoria and Riley still thought I was dead and so there would be no reason for my scent to be in Seattle. If Victoria and Riley smelled my scent, everyone worried that the jig really would be up so to speak. So, at Carlisle's suggestion and everyone's agreement, it was decided that I would search from above whenever possible since it would make my scent harder to detect, while everyone else searched on the ground.

We'd been in Seattle for a week. Jasper had been monitoring the broadcast and print media, a police scanner, and the internet for any signs of mysterious disappearances, but we hadn't found much of anything and our nightly patrols hadn't turned up anything either.

I rested my elbows on the edge of the building and even though I no longer needed to breathe, I couldn't help but sigh in frustration. I just hoped we found something soon.

"That's an awfully heavy sigh there, love," came a familiar voice.

Turning, I smiled at Edward and went to him. Immediately, his arms went around me and I felt much more at ease.

"Just doubting myself, I guess."

He pulled back to look at me. "Doubting yourself? Why?"

"We've been here for week and found pretty much nothing. What if my fuzzy human memory is wrong? What if Victoria didn't tell me she was coming to Seattle to build a newborn army?"

He frowned at me a little. "Do you really believe that?"

"No," I said, and I meant it. "In my gut I know she said she would come here to build the army and then ambush you in Forks."

He nodded. "Then stop doubting yourself."

"But all of you have to be wondering if I've sent us all on a wild goose chase and that I'm remembering things that never happened."

"I don't think that," he said. "And as far as I've been able to hear in their minds, no one else thinks that."

I felt an almost ridiculous amount of relief over the fact that everyone still believed me. "Really?"

He laughed. "Yes, really."

Taking my hand, we walked over to the side of the building and sat down on the ledge so we could still see what was going on down below us.

"Bella, even though she told you what she was planning to do, Victoria is very unpredictable. There's even a chance she may not come to Seattle at all."

"What do you mean?"

"There are any number of reasons why she wouldn't come here or not yet anyway," he said. "I'd also be willing to bet she didn't give you a specific timeline for being here, did she?"

I searched my hazy memory again. "Well, no. As I recall, she just said they would lay low for a while before coming here to make you stew about what happened to me and where she was."

He nodded. "Well, as I'm sure you'll learn 'a while' to a practically immortal being can be a very long time. She might come now, she might come six months from now or even longer. And then there's the very real possibility that she could have changed her mind and decided to go somewhere else altogether to build her army. There are plenty of cities and towns between Ithaca and Seattle. With her, there's just no telling. Then there's the fact that she could have also been here but she caught our scents or saw one of us on patrol and it made her leave town."

"So, where does that leave us? We can't keep running these patrols indefinitely." I sighed. "At some point, I want us to get married and start a life together."

He broke into a wide, beautiful smile and put an arm around my shoulder to pull me close. "I want that too."

I really hated to wipe that smile off his face. "But on the other hand…"

"No, no, there is no other hand, I like the hand we were just talking about," he protested. "I know, let's just take that evil, naughty other hand and put it away …" As if to dramatize his point, he held out his hand and made a big gesture of sweeping it behind him and shoving it in his pocket. "See? No more other hand."

Smiling, I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Edward, I appreciate the fact that you're trying to be positive, but we can't just ignore the elephant in the room, especially when it is obsessed with squashing us and everyone we love into the ground. I want to start our life with a clean slate and no worries about Victoria and what she might be planning and I can't do that if this is hanging over our heads."

While his smile had faded, the love and hope in his eyes had not as he wrapped his arm more tightly around me. "We may have to, love. There's no telling how long it may take to find her and we can't let her dictate our lives. The minute we let her control us or let her get in the way of what we want, we let her win. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of letting Victoria get away with doing whatever she wants."

I had to admire his attitude. Then there was that fact that he was absolutely right. "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing," I said softly.

"Excellent quote, Bella, Edmund Burke had it exactly right," Edward said. "And one of the things we can do, whether we find Victoria tomorrow or sixty years from now, is to live our lives. That would be the best revenge on her."

I mulled that over a moment. "It's pretty hard to argue with that."

He brushed his fingers over my cheek. "Then don't. Let our life start now, in this place and in this time." Suddenly, he grinned shyly. "Sorry, I sound like I'm giving a speech.

My insides had gone warm and mushy at his words. "Yeah, a little, but I like it. You're getting me all fired up."

His fingers went from stroking my cheek to cupping my cheek. "Then let's get married sooner rather than later. I don't want to wait any longer than I have to make you mine … forever."

Rising up on my tiptoes, my lips hovered near his and slid my hand to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. "I like the way you think, Mr. Cullen. And for the record, I can't wait to be Mrs. Cullen."

Tugging down on his neck, I brought his lips down to mine and he kissed me. His lips were firm and warmed quickly to mine as the kisses deepened. Instinctively, my mouth opened to him as I gave myself over to the kiss and I tightened my hold on him while trying to control my strength and not accidentally break him in half in the heat of the moment.

"Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope …" Princess Leia's voice said into the night air before she repeated the same phrase. "Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope …"

It was like a bucket of water being thrown over both of us. "How does he do that?!" Edward snarled as we pulled apart and he dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. "How does he always know just the exact wrong moment to call?"

I sighed and pulled out my cell phone, which continued to repeat the phase I'd come to loathe as it rang. Looking at the display I saw that the caller was indeed who Edward thought it was. "What I want to know is how he keeps making that my ringtone? I've started using a lock code and everything." Deciding I didn't want to deal the caller at the moment, I shoved the phone back in my pocket, it stopped ringing a moment later. "Just forget about it." I wrapped my arms around his neck again. "Now, where were we?"

Edward grinned and lowered his head again. "I think we were right about …"

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope …" My phone said again as it started to ring a second time.

Now it was my turn to snarl as I jerked back from Edward. "Damn it!" Punching in the aforementioned lock code, I answered the call. "WHAT?!"

"Hey, R2, you and C3PO having a nice evening?" Emmett said with barely contained mirth.

Another way Emmett had taken to punishing me was to change my nickname from 'B.A.' to 'R2.' This was in honor of R2-D2 since the famous little droid from _Star Wars_ could project images like I could, including the famous image of Princess Leia begging for Obi-Wan's help against the Empire. While I'd always thought that R2 was pretty cool, it seemed like a pretty long fall from being 'bad ass Bella' to an small, unassuming droid and part of me was a little hurt that he'd done it.

For the most part, I tried to ignore him, but a couple of times I'd seen Edward giving him the evil eye and I suspected that he might not let Emmett tease me for too much longer. Interestingly enough, it didn't seem to bother Edward all that much that Emmett had taken to calling him 'C3PO' since we were almost always together just like the famous duo. But it kind of pissed me off since Edward hadn't done anything to Emmett but laugh at his distress over 'clown-gate.'

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Emmett, we're having a fine evening, thank you for asking," I said sarcastically. "But we haven't found any signs of Victoria."

"That's what I called about."

My annoyance evaporated and my interest was immediately piqued. "Why? What did you find?"

"Me? I didn't find anything, but Jasper thinks he may have," he replied. "He said it's a long shot but he'd like us all to head back to camp so he can show us. Carlisle and Esme are already on their way back and Rose and I are right behind them."

I exchanged a look with Edward who nodded. "All right, we'll start back too."

"Kay. In the meantime, you crazy kids don't do anything I wouldn't do," he teased with a laugh and hung up.

"Not much chance of that apparently," Edward muttered dragging his hand through his hair.

I sighed and put the phone back in my pocket. "Sorry. Maybe next time we go hunting we can find a nice cozy spot and pick up where we left off."

He managed a little smile. "It's a date."

I squeezed his hand. "Ready to go?"

With a nod, we started back for what Emmett had called 'camp,' although it wasn't what I'd call camp. It was by no means a rustic affair with tents for shelter, only a campfire for warmth and no running water. Rather it a very nice campground in the South Seattle suburb of Tukwila and the roof over our heads was the 'RV' that Alice had procured for us to drive out here from New York.

Like our 'camp,' calling the RV a simple motor home was a massive understatement. Instead, the RV, or 'the beast' as I'd privately started calling it, was more rock star tour bus than recreational vehicle. If a semi-truck and a huge bus had been physically able to mate, then the 'beast' is what would have resulted from the coupling. It even required a special driver's license to operate, which luckily Rose had so she'd been the one to do the driving from New York to Washington State.

It had luxury everything with two main levels, a huge amount of storage, could sleep six, not that we needed to sleep, had a full kitchen, not that we ate, and complete satellite TV, internet and other entertainment features which we absolutely made full use of.

What I found most surprising was that it was actually not as much of a gas-guzzling monstrosity as I would have expected. It was brand new and practically a prototype of what was up and coming in vehicles of its type. Similar to a Prius, it was a hybrid vehicle with one electric engine and one diesel engine that worked individually or in tandem depending on the driving circumstance. The resulting improvement in the fuel efficiency put it on par with large sedans with a standard combustion engine. With the decent gas mileage resulting fewer stops for gas and the fact that Rose didn't suffer from any kind of fatigue or need to stop to sleep, we had arrive in Seattle in about three days.

Despite its opulence, the RV was actually a perfect solution to where we would stay when we were in Seattle. We didn't want to go back to Forks yet and risk being seen by anyone we knew or worse, yet, Victoria, as that would spoil our plans for finding her before she could raise her newborn army. Consequently, we'd settled on the campground in Southeastern Seattle because it had easy access to the city and yet, also was not far from undeveloped wooded areas that were more than adequate for our hunting needs.

Edward opened the RV door for me and we hurried inside to find everyone standing around Jasper, who was seated at a table and pouring over images on his laptop.

"Good, you're back, now that everyone is here we can get started," he said like any good commanding officer. "If everyone will get settled and direct their attention to the flat screen, we can get started."

We all scattered to various positions either sitting or standing that faced the large flat screen television mounted to the wall of the main living area. I could see the same images on the flat screen that I'd seen on Jasper's laptop, so I figured he must have tied them together so that he could more easily show us what he'd discovered.

"What have you found, Jasper?" Carlisle asked when we were all quiet.

Carrying a small remote, Jasper walked to the flat screen and stood next to it. "It occurred to me when Alice and I were out searching for Victoria this morning that maybe we were approaching the search from the wrong angle. While using a grid search to find her is not a bad idea, to be the most effective, we need to narrow down the area we're searching as much as possible."

"Makes sense," Carlisle said. "What did you have in mind to do that?"

"I started looking at this from a more tactical point of view."

Edward, clearly having read more detail from Jasper's mind spoke up. "Like soldiers on trying to predict where the enemy is or might be going when they have no reconnaissance data."

"Yes, exactly," Jasper agreed. "One of the things you do in that situation is to look at the enemy's last known location and then you look at any disturbances that might have taken place along the area between that enemy and you or the position you with to secure. In the Civil War, we looked for things like reports of usual fires or smoke or sudden trails that hadn't been there before, disturbed earth where a large group might have watered or camped overnight, or people's homes being raided for food and supplies; basically, anything out of the ordinary that would indicate the enemies forces on the move."

He paused a moment to let us process that. Edward was nodding even more than the rest of us, so I assumed he was already pulling more info out of Jasper's head.

"For our purposes here, I used the random missing person's data I'd already collected for the time after we believe Victoria and Riley left New York and I applied it to a map of the United States."

A map appeared on the flat screen showing the entire country with a focus on the route we'd driven from Ithaca to Washington State as he continued to explain. "The red dots you see are missing persons and the blue dots are missing persons that disappeared under more, shall we say, mysterious circumstances."

The red dots were pretty evenly distributed across the country with concentrations around major metropolitan cities as would be expected. The blue dots were more sparse and appeared to be concentrated in the north western states of Montana, Idaho and Washington.

"Can you be more specific about how you're distinguishing the two types of missing persons and what you mean by 'mysterious' circumstances?" Esme put in.

He nodded. "Typically, the red dots were prostitutes, apparent runaways, transients and other at risk people that had someone or something in their life that may have caused them to disappear, either because they were running from those threats or the threats had caught up with them. The blue dots were people that had zero reason to disappear. People like two men in Idaho that went on their annual fishing trip and simply vanished, a happily married mother of two that disappeared from a Spokane grocery story with all her groceries and one of her children still waiting in the shopping cart, and a man who was at the movies in the town of Moses Lake with his longtime girlfriend and went out to get popcorn and hasn't been heard from since."

Next a map of just Washington State appeared on the monitor. This time there were more blue dots than red dots and it was clear that the 'mysterious' disappearances had occurred along the I-90 corridor, which was also the way we'd taken driving in as it was the most direct route to Seattle.

"So, you think all the blue dots are people Victoria has changed and … recruited, for the lack of a better word?" Emmett said. "That would mean she already has a big army, there must be at least 8-10 blue dots there and it looks like they haven't even gotten to Seattle yet."

"Actually, no, I don't think they're all part of her new army. I seriously doubt Victoria is going to want to drag around a bunch of newborns with her when she's still traveling because newborns are so hard to control." He grinned at me. "Unless you're Bella, of course."

"So you're thinking they're more cattle than soldiers?" Edward put in.

"Yes, exactly. The fact that the disappearances are spread out would also seem to support that. The time frame between the disappearances indicates to me that Victoria and Riley are feeding as they travel west." His expression turned grim. "But I think that may be changing as they get closer to Seattle."

He brought up another map, this one of just the western half of Washington. The blue dots were much closer together on this map. "As you can see here, the disappearances have gotten more frequent in the last week, ending with one two days ago out on Mercer Island and one last night in Bellevue."

"And those are both right across Lake Washington from downtown Seattle," Carlisle commented.

Jasper nodded. "After reviewing this new data, I believe the reason our patrols haven't found anything, is that we've gotten to Seattle before Victoria and her compatriots."

"If the pattern you've found is correct, and I believe it is, then I would have to agree," Carlisle said and we all nodded our own agreement.

"In that case," Jasper continued. "I recommend that we move our next round of patrols from downtown Seattle to the east and the area in and around Lake Washington. However, we'll have to wait until tonight. It will be dawn in two hours and Alice said it's going to be a sunny day."

Beside me, I felt Edward shift and I looked up to see his gaze shift from Jasper and Carlisle to where Alice sat at the large table. It was then that I noticed Alice was staring blankly ahead as she did when she was having a vision.

"Alice, what was that?" he asked.

All other conversation ceased and everyone turned to Alice as Jasper went to her side. "Did you see something, darlin'?" he asked her as he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

When it came to Victoria, we all knew she hadn't been using her second sight if she could avoid it and we had all agreed. The last thing we wanted for her vision to go out again and maybe never come back.

Alice continued to stare straight ahead for a moment longer then she looked up at Jasper and nodded. "It's a little hard to describe," she began.

"Just tell us what you can," Carlisle said.

"It was nighttime and there was grass and a large hill," Edward supplied.

Alice nodded. "I'm almost positive it was a park. I didn't see us or Victoria there, but there was a red ribbon in my vision. What was weird was there was all this old, rusted industrial metal machinery in the middle of it. Like someone had taken an old refinery and dropped it in the middle of a park."

"Could it be a big jungle gym?" I suggested. "Maybe it just looked like machinery in the dark."

"No, at least I don't think so," Alice argued. "It really did look industrial and part of it was sectioned off by a chain link fence, so I don't think that people are allowed in some areas of the park … if it is a park, that is."

Suddenly, I had the flash of an old human memory. "Wait, I think I might know where that is!" I said excitedly. "Can I use your laptop, Jasper?"

"Of course, Bella."

I sat down in front the computer and started to type. I entered the parameters that I thought I remembered and hit search. A list of places popped up and I scanned them carefully. Finding the one that I thought was the most likely, I nodded and clicked on the link.

"That's it! That's what was in her vision!" Edward exclaimed before the page even finished loading.

What I was seeing on the laptop screen was also being projected onto the flat screen and everyone but Edward, who was looking over my shoulder, and I gathered around the TV to study the images.

"Gas Works Park," Alice murmured as she studied the large picture I'd found and the groupings of large metal structures that dominated one section of the park. "Edward's right, that's exactly what I saw in my vision."

"In that case, don't you think we should focus our patrols there tonight?" Esme put in.

Jasper nodded. "Yes, I think that would be an excellent idea." He turned to me. "Bella, can you pull up more information about the park? Maybe a map of the overall layout and the access points both from the land and lake vantage points."

"Sure, give me just a moment," I said searching through a couple of pages. "Here, this should give you what you need."

The online map I found flashed up on the television. It included a brief description and history of the park, which Carlisle began to read out loud.

_Just west of Lake Washington, on a 20-acre point of land overlooking Lake Union, stands Gas Works Park. Opened to the public as a city park in 1975, the site was originally cleared in 1906 by the Seattle Gas Company to construct a plant to manufacture synthetic natural gas; first from coal and then from crude oil. Although it's main purpose was to produce energy for the City of Seattle, it also generated a number of useful by-products: among these were tar, charcoal briquettes, sulfur, benzene, toluene, ammonium sulfate, sulfuric acid, and a type of carbon dust called 'lamp black' that was commonly used in the manufacture of rubber tires, inks and as an industrial coloring agent._

Carlisle turned to look at us. "Many of those by-products are now listed as dangerous or banned substances due to their detrimental impact to the environment," he added before turning to read on.

_However, the importation of natural gas in the 1950's rendered the plant obsolete and the plant was eventually abandoned. In 1962, the site was acquired by the City of Seattle for use as a park, but t__he soil and groundwater of the site had been contaminated during the plant's operation and required a massive clean-up effort. Although the presence of organic pollutants had been substantially reduced by the mid-1980s, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and the Washington State Department of Ecology required additional measures to remove the benzene that was a theoretical source of pollutants reaching Lake Union via ground water. There are currently no known areas of surface soil contamination remaining on the site, although tar occasionally still oozes from some locations and is isolated and then removed. Because of the potential hazardous substances present in the lake sediment, access to Lake Union from the park is prohibited as is e__ntering the water or launching boats from the park. There is also no swimming, no fishing and no wading in the park._

"Sounds like they had their hands full trying to remediate the site and get rid of all the hazardous materials the gas plant left behind," Jasper put in as Carlisle continued.

_A__lthough the original site plan for the park called for the removal of all the old plant structures and machinery, park architect, Richard Haag, realized that the site contained the last gas works factory in existence and saw the park as a unique opportunity for preservation. After an intense public appeal to convince the public of the value of keeping portions of the plant, the new plan was unanimously approved by the Park Board. The proposal centered on recycling the buildings, production structures, machinery, and even the grounds themselves. __The boiler house was converted to a picnic shelter with tables, fire grills and an open area and the former exhauster-compressor building was made into a children's play barn that features a maze of brightly painted machinery. Gas Works Park also features __an artificial kite-flying hill with an elaborately sculptured sundial built into its summit and__ offers wide vistas of Lake Union and the City of Seattle. _

"All that machinery means there will be lots of places to hide," Emmett commented when Carlisle had finished.

"Yes," Jasper agreed. "But that works both ways; we can use it to hide, but so can Victoria." He studied the map. "So, given what I see here, I think we should split into two groups. A land team to watch for anyone entering the park from the surrounding neighborhood and a water team that will monitor anyone approaching from the lake. If they are coming to the park tonight, I suspect they'll use surface streets and won't be expecting anyone to be guarding the lake side so with both groups we'll be covered; plus, if they try to escape by jumping into the lake, we can cut them off."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. "Fortunately, the hazardous materials in the lake sediment will not hurt us, but be aware that benzene is highly flammable, so although I know you would normally avoid fire anyway, be extra cautious of it if you are in the water or should get any unknown substances on you. We should also try to avoid stirring anything up from the lake bed if at all possible to minimize environmental contamination of the park and the surrounding waters. Additionally, I would recommend that everyone on the lake team takes a very thorough shower as soon as possible to avoid tracking the contaminants elsewhere."

Jasper looked at all of us. "Sounds like the lake team will have the messier time of it, so do I have any volunteers?"

"I'll take the lake," I said. "I don't mind the idea of getting wet or dirty and it will help mask my scent."

Edward's answer was immediate. "I'll take the lake with her, too."

"Good," Jasper said. "Anyone else?"

"Well, I'm not getting my hair wet, so that leaves me out of the lake," Rose said and I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. I loved Rose, but sometimes she was just such a … girl.

"I'm with Rose," Emmett said to no one's surprise.

Esme exchanged a look with Carlisle and then spoke up. "Carlisle and I will help Bella and Edward with the lake."

"All right, that leaves Alice and me to cover the rest of the park with Emmett and Rose." He indicated the map again. "Emmett and Rose, why don't you take the play barn area with the maze while Alice and I will take the area around the cordoned off machinery and smoke stacks."

Emmett gave him a little salute. "Whatever you say, major."

Ignoring him, Jasper turned to us. "Bella and Edward, why don't you take the east side of the lake and Esme and Carlisle can take the west side. I'm not sure how deep the water is there, but I'd recommend staying out far enough that you can keep the water just below eye or nose level."

The four of us nodded.

"It's going to cloud up tomorrow night," Alice added. "So there won't be much moon or star light and that, coupled with the natural motion of the lake water, should hide the tops of your heads. Plus, I don't imagine Victoria or anyone else will expect visitors to come from the water side."

"Right," Carlisle agreed.

Jasper let out a breath. "Okay, folks, I guess we've got ourselves a plan."

"Good," I said giving Edward's hand a quick squeeze. "Because the sooner we find Victoria and get this over with, the happier I'll be."

And, I added silently, the sooner Edward and I can get married and start our life together.

TBC...

_**Author's Note:**_ Up next ... the battle.


	53. Chapter 53

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful. A special thanks to Im2xshy for the quick beta on this chapter.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Just as I promised, here's another chapter. Merry Christmas from me. I hope you all have a very Happy Holiday.

_**Previously in Chapter 52: **_The Cullens traveled to Seattle in an attempt to head off Victoria. They were running nightly patrols but not finding anything. Jasper then discovered a pattern of strange disappearances that he attributed to Victoria, Riley and possibly newborn that might be with them. Alice had a vision of Gas Works Park and so they decided to focus their efforts there.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 53<strong>_

**EDWARD**

The next night found Bella and me floating in the dark waters just off Gas Works Park. Despite the late hour, with my enhanced vision, I could see everything just fine, although some of the park land jutted out into the water so I couldn't technically see Carlisle or Esme where they also treaded water on the other side, but I could hear their thoughts as they conversed quietly and waited for something to happen.

Earlier that evening, the four of us in the water had swam across the lake to our current location and were now treading water just far enough out that our feet didn't touch the bottom so we didn't stir up the sediment. Despite the reports that the contamination in the area had been thoroughly removed, my heightened senses could tell that the waters just off the park tasted and smelled slightly different than Lake Washington or the rest of Lake Union.

As for the others, I'd seen them moving around earlier and I could hear their thoughts as well, but they were now well hidden in the park that was officially closed for the night. Since the eight of us were so spread out, Alice had given us each waterproofed phones that were set to vibrate but were otherwise silent so that we could send out a text to notify the rest of the group if any of us saw anything suspicious.

Beside me, my lovely and much better half, floated in silence. Her hair, like Esme's, had been braided to make it easier to control when wet. As I watched her, I had to admit that I was a little worried about her. She'd seemed oddly preoccupied since the family meeting the night before.

"You all right, Bella?"

She seemed startled by my question, as if she'd been deep in thought. "What? Oh, yes, of course."

Not quite believing her, I pressed a bit. "It's just that you've been awfully quiet."

She didn't answer for a long moment. "Just trying to take it all in, I guess."

I frowned. "Take what all in?"

"All of it. What we're about to do," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean if Victoria does what we expect, and that's a BIG if, then we could end this all tonight and finally get on with our lives."

I stared at her. "You say that like maybe it's a bad thing."

"No, not at all, it's a great thing," she insisted.

"Then why do I still feel that there's a 'but' in there somewhere?"

She stared at me over the water. "Because you're very perceptive."

"What is it, Bella," I said gently. "What's bothering you?"

"It's a bit hard to put into words, but I guess it breaks down to the fact that this is all so new to me," she began.

"How so?"

"My dad was a cop, Edward, and being around him gave me a very definite sense of crime and punishment, and yet, we can't really apply that in this case. Realistically, we're not intercepting Victoria and Riley and whoever is with them tonight just so we can haul them off to jail. The idea of putting them in some kind of cell or using some kind of traditional idea of legal or judicial punishment is just not feasible or practical in this case. But we also know for sure that they're guilty and if we don't stop them, then they will keep killing and Victoria will continue to seek revenge for what happened to James. Consequently, while no one has said it out loud, the logical, even expected outcome of tonight is that we're going to kill them or end them or whatever you want to call it."

"Bella, I can see how the idea of destroying them might disturb you, but you won't have to be the one to do it. The rest of us will take care of that."

"But that's the weirdest part. Intellectually, I know that killing them SHOULD bother me, but everything inside me is almost looking forward to it and I think that's what bothers me the most."

I could certainly understand why she was conflicted. In addition to her father being in law enforcement, my love had a tender heart and it was understandable that the idea of lying in wait with the purpose of destroying another sentient being would give her pause.

"That's your new vampire nature, Bella. The grey areas in life are now much larger and you'll come to see that very little is black and white. Part of you is also now more predator than human and in the case of someone like Victoria, your instinct is going to be to destroy the threat she poses to us."

"I guess," she said quietly.

I opened my mouth to say something else, but the opportunity was lost when I heard Emmett's mental comment as the waterproof phone vibrated in my pocket as he sent out a similar text message. "_Here they come_."

"They're here," I told Bella as I quietly repeated the rest of Emmett's thoughts to Bella. "Emmett is saying that there are four of them. Victoria and three others that have entered the park near the maze where he and Rose are watching, but they look like they're headed for the old machinery where Alice and Jasper are waiting." I frowned. "They're also carrying two unconscious humans."

"I wonder if the humans are unwilling recruits or dinner," Bella murmured.

I read the answer in their minds. "Dinner. But we're going to see to it that they go hungry," I growled.

Even without Emmett's input, we easily spotted the figures as they entered the park. They weren't being stealthy or quiet which didn't surprise me since I saw in their minds that they weren't expecting us and hadn't yet detected us. The plan for us was to hold our positions until it looked like they had come to a stop in one location and then we'd move in and surround them. Luckily, there was no wind that night, so it would help to mask our scents for as long as possible.

The four of them moved toward Jasper and Alice's position in the grouping of old rusting metal machinery, holding tanks and smoke stacks left over from the factory. Easily jumping over the chain link fence that surrounded the machinery, the four of them moved deeper into the structure. When they reached a small open area to the side of one of the empty holding tanks, they unceremoniously dropped the two unconscious humans, one woman and one man, to the grass. I hoped we could get to the humans before Victoria and the others drained them and that the humans stayed unconscious as it would make things easier for them and us.

Using the dropping of the humans as a signal, Bella and I nodded to each other, then sank beneath the water and started to swim silently to the shore. As soon as we stepped from the water, we stayed low and moved quickly to the fence with Carlisle and Esme joining us a moment later. Jumping over the fence on the backside of the area, we used a grouping of machinery as cover so that Victoria and the others wouldn't see us.

Fortunately, all our efforts at being stealthy weren't really necessary. The two newborns had started loudly bickering over which of them was going to get a crack at draining the human female first and the arguing quickly degenerated in to a fist fight, which a yelling Riley waded in to try and stop. Standing to the side, Victoria merely looked bored and slightly annoyed as she watched the proceedings. After all she'd done, seeing her now made a new rush of anger go through me and I had to force myself to be patient.

Mentally, I knew that she was thinking that not only did she regret changing all of them, including Riley, in the first place, but she even went so far as to try and work out how she might go about killing all three of them just for being such a huge pain. All and all we probably could have paraded a herd of stampeding elephants through the park and the four of them never would have noticed.

If they'd been paying attention, they would have known they were already surrounded. In addition to Bella and I hiding behind the holding tank, Carlisle and Esme had moved around the clearing to the machinery at the north end and Rose and Emmett were doing the same thing on the opposite side of the clearing. Between the three couples, we'd formed a triangle formation around Victoria's group. To top things off, and I meant that literally, Alice and Jasper were directly above them on an old catwalk that encircled one of the other tanks. They planned to jump down into the clearing when we were ready.

Because we could all see Alice and Jasper the easiest, Jasper mentally suggested to me that we all look to him and Alice to coordinate our attack. Agreeing with the suggestion, I nodded up to him and then I peeked out around the tank, so first Emmett and Rose, and then Esme and Carlisle could see me and I pointed up in Jasper's direction. Everyone looked up at Jasper and gave him a nod.

And then we waited.

If any of us needed to breathe we would have been holding our collective breaths. Fortunately, we didn't need to wait for long. About the time that Riley was making headway at separating the newborns, Jasper raised his hand with five fingers extended and began to silently tuck away each finger as he counted down to zero.

And when the last finger disappeared, we struck.

We knew that the newborns would be the strongest physically, so Emmett and Rose and Jasper and Alice went after them first.

"_Riley is mine,"_ Carlisle mentally growled as he and Esme aimed for Victoria's lieutenant.

That left Victoria to me and Bella, which seemed only fitting. I grabbed Victoria before she could even twitch and had both arms gripped behind her.

Jasper and Alice easily dispatched the smaller of the two newborns, his head coming off with a crunch. However, the newborn Emmett and Rose had chosen was rather large and apparently, volatile and he got in a lucky shot that sent Rose flying backward over the fence. Mentally, I heard Rose curse and it was followed by a distant splash.

Apparently, she was going to get her hair wet whether she wanted to or not. Luckily for the newborn, Jasper jumped in to help Emmett destroy him before Rose got back from her unplanned dip in the lake. She returned a moment later, dripping wet and in her mind, I saw that she was livid, not to mention disappointed that she wouldn't be able to make the newborn suffer by slowly tearing off pieces of him before she finished him.

As for Riley and Victoria, their expressions were priceless ... especially when they saw Bella.

I could see in their minds that we had taken them completely by surprise that they were both too stunned to even think about struggling ... for the moment. Because they weren't struggling, we didn't just dispatch them right off as we had the newborns, well, that and fact that we also wanted them to know exactly who had put an end to their spree of death and destruction. Seeing Bella would only reinforce the fact that they had failed on every level.

"NO!" Victoria screamed at Bella. "You can't be here. You're dead!" Her thoughts revealed that she was equal parts baffled and disbelieving, but anger was also beginning to make an appearance.

Given her earlier misgivings about tonight, I was a little surprised when Bella smirked at Victoria. "As it turns out, death becomes me." Victoria didn't really react to Bella's comment, except to slowly turn her head and look at Riley.

As for Riley, he was incredulous about the whole situation and, to my surprise, terrified as Carlisle held him securely in a headlock that was only loose enough for him to speak. He wasn't, however, terrified of Carlisle or the rest of us; he was terrified of what Bella's presence meant for him. He knew Victoria would likely kill him for Bella's continued existence. The sad thing was, I could read love and longing in his thoughts for Victoria, while in hers, it was all about self-preservation and she couldn't have cared less what happened to him, well, beyond any revenge she might exact from him over his failure with Bella.

"How is she here?!" Victoria screamed at him. "I told you to kill her before you dumped her body."

"But, Victoria, I ..."

"He lied to you," I supplied unemotionally as I read the truth in his thoughts. "He thought there was no way that Bella would survive the cold or her injuries long enough for us to find her, so he left her in the landfill but didn't worry about covering her eyes or snapping her neck like you told him to." The next words were hard for me to say. "He also thought she'd suffer more by laying out there in the cold. He didn't tell you because he knew you would be angry if you found out."

"Why couldn't you, for ONCE, do what I asked?" she shrieked.

"How was I supposed to know she wasn't going to die easily?" he said defensively. "Besides I didn't think that they would find her in time to change her!"

"I didn't tell you to THINK!" she continued to scream at him. "Why do you always have to ruin everything!"

"Everything I've ever done was for you!" he yelled back. "All I've ever did was love you! I hated being away from you when I had to dump her body, so I wanted to get back to you as soon as possible."

She laughed a little, but the sound was hollow and bitter. "God, Riley, you're so pathetic."

Riley looked like she'd junk punched him and emotionally, he was devastated by what she was saying. He had some grand romantic idea that she'd declare her undying love for him now that they were so close to death. He was now beginning to understand that he couldn't have been more wrong.

Before he could embarrassed himself further, I gave him the bad news. "She doesn't love you, Riley. She only loves herself."

"I loved James and you killed him," she snarled at me and began to struggle in earnest.

I growled in her ear. "Maybe you did love him and maybe you didn't, but you should know that he never loved you."

"That's a lie!"

I couldn't help but twist the knife deeper. "I saw it in his mind, Victoria. He wasn't your mate. He felt no more for you than a rider feels for his mount. He would have happily given you over for someone else if he'd had the chance."

Anger radiated off Victoria like a living thing and in hindsight, I should not have underestimated her desperation and ability to escape. Before I could even read in her mind what she was planning, Victoria suddenly sagged and in the moment it took me to shift my grip, she's slipped free of my hold and started to flee with all the speed her vampire legs had.

I moved to pursue her, but as it turned out, my action was totally unnecessary.

"Where are you going, Victoria?" came a soft, slightly menacing voice that not only stopped Victoria but the rest of us in our tracks and a collective gasp went up from everyone assembled.

Victoria whipped around and there, in the midst of the clearing, stood the symbol of everything she claimed to hold dear, or as much as someone like her could hold dear.

"James?" she breathed, confusion, hope and desperation all running through her mind. "But how?"

James, smugness radiating off of him, just smirked at her. "Long time, no see, pet."

"JAMES!" Victoria's eyes filled with an almost unholy light and she flew to where he stood, all but flinging herself at him.

And she passed right through him, her own momentum throwing her to the ground.

Rolling over, Victoria looked up in confusion at the image of James who continued to smirk down at her. "What's wrong, Victoria? You look like you've seen a ghost."

It was Bella, of course. I'd known it was her doing this right from the start. She was using her newfound powers to exploit the one true weakness Victoria had; her supposed feelings for James.

What I didn't know was just how Bella was doing it. Up until now, none of Bella's projections had been able to talk or move; they had been much more mannequin-like than the James we were all looking at. As for Bella, she was standing stock still almost in a trance with just the slightest hint of a smirk on her face.

For the first time, Victoria looked vulnerable and a little frightened and in her mind, her thoughts were racing. I wondered if seeing James like this had finally sent her over the edge because she was thinking of him as if he were really still alive and standing among us even though part of her brain was telling her that he had to be dead.

"James? I don't understand." When neither he nor anyone else answered her, she screamed. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"

The image of James simply folded his arms over his chest. "What's happening, my dear Victoria, is that you're about to lose your head."

Trembling, she blinked up at him and whether it was his words or her just freaking out over seeing him like this, her instincts finally kick in. Suddenly, she flipped over and made a move to run. At the same time, Emmett, Jasper and I had the same thought to stop her, but someone else beat us to it and no one was more surprised than me when I saw who it was.

"You're not going anywhere, bitch."

And with that Bella was on her.

Given Bella's lack of actual battle or self-defense training, her attack on Victoria was surprisingly effective. Her newborn strength was an obvious advantage, but in my opinion, it was likely Bella's thirst for revenge for what Victoria had done to her and Esme that made her go after Victoria so aggressively. There was punching and hair pulling and the two of them grappling on the ground as they screamed and swore at each other.

Emmett snickered. "Some girl fight. I got fifty bucks on Bella."

"Shut up, Emmett," Rose growled.

Bella, who had a firm hold on Victoria's arm as they struggled, gave it a hard wrench to the side and with a metallic tearing sound, it came free leaving Bella holding Victoria's amputated arm. Even though it was her arm that Bella was holding, Victoria didn't pause for a second and turned to run again.

And then the most extraordinary thing happened.

Victoria ran headfirst into what appeared to be an invisible wall. Had the situation not been so serious, her expression would have been almost laughable as she bounced off of what appeared to be empty air and fell to the ground. Missing an arm as she was, getting to her feet was a little difficult but she used her remaining hand in kind of a cartwheel move to flip up to her feet and she tried running again.

Only to meet with the invisible wall once more.

Could Bella be doing this? Mentally, everyone in my family was wondering the same thing. If so, it was a talent that none of us had known about.

"What the hell?" Emmett said, verbalizing what we were all thinking.

I turned to look at Bella, but she only had eyes for Victoria and those eyes were all but aflame with anger and deadly intent. "You're not going anywhere, Victoria," Bella growled. "We're going to finish this here and now!"

Unused to being trapped, Victoria was in a full blown panic as her eyes darted from Bella to the image of a still smirking James and back again as she searched along the 'wall' for some break or opening. Unfortunately for her, there was none and it appeared that she and Bella were enveloped in some kind of large invisible bubble.

Fearing what a trapped Victoria might do to Bella in what was apparently a confined space, I started to go to her, only to be stopped by the same wall Victoria and Bella were surrounded by. Apparently, whatever invisible barrier was keeping Victoria in, it was going to keep us out as well.

Victoria tried to back away from Bella but she quickly encountered the wall again and there was clearly no place to go. "What are YOU?!" she screeched.

Bella's eyes were almost feral as she slowly stalked Victoria and softly answered. "I'm exactly what you made me."

"Riley, help me!" Victoria screamed as her mind searched for any possible way to get out of the situation she found herself in and found nothing.

As for Riley, he was in no position to help himself, much less her. Even if Carlisle hadn't still been gripping him in a secure choke hold, Riley was mentally defeated and had already resigned himself to his fate.

"No one is going to help you now," Bella growled as she advanced on Victoria. "Just like you didn't help me all those times I begged you to."

Apparently tired of being on the defensive and having nothing left to lose, Victoria screamed and charged at Bella.

"Bella!" I screamed in alarm.

I needn't have worried. With surprising grace, Bella launched herself over Victoria and landed squarely on the other woman's shoulders. Then, grasping Victoria's head between her hands, Bella gave a forceful twist.

And the image of James was the last thing I saw in Victoria's mind before Bella ripped her head from her body.

Then it was over.

"That was for Esme," Bella spat, as she jumped from Victoria's falling body with the severed head still gripped in her hand.

"I second that," Carlisle said as he unceremoniously snapped Riley's neck and pulled his head off, as well.

"Bad ass," Emmett murmured with great appreciation.

Then the night went silent and still as a great sense of relief flowed over all of us and we stood for a moment taking in the fact that the long nightmare was finally over.

Ever the practical one, Jasper spoke first. "Come on everyone, we need to get these two humans somewhere safe and we need to burn these bodies."

Turning to Bella, my relief melted into concern when I saw her. She was staring down at Victoria's face, and I saw from her horrified expression, her humanity was reasserting itself and she was absorbing the fact that, deserving or not, she'd just destroyed another sentient being. Suddenly, she dropped Victoria's head as if it burned her, fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands as great dry sobs began to wrack her small frame.

"Bella!" I exclaimed, going to her.

Or tried to go to her. I was greeted by the same invisible wall Victoria had encountered earlier.

"Bella!" I said, beating at the barrier. "Please let me in."

Everyone else tried to get through the barrier, as well, but they had no better luck than I did and Bella was too consumed by her pain to respond to our entreaties.

"She may not even know she's doing it," Jasper said.

"And even if she does know, it's likely she can't control it," Carlisle added.

I looked at Jasper. "Maybe if we can calm her down it will collapse on its own. Could you try using your powers to sedate her?"

He nodded. "Of course. I just hope the barrier doesn't keep out emotions, as well."

"Me too," I agreed.

Jasper took a moment to mentally prepare and then he focused in on Bella. At first, I didn't think he was having any impact, but then slowly, I saw that her shoulders had began to relax and her sobs began to quiet. Then, almost like a puppet with its strings cut, she suddenly sagged sideways until she was lying quietly in the grass. Lifting my hand to the barrier, I pushed.

And felt nothing. The barrier was gone.

Without another word, I rushed to Bella and gathered her in her arms as the rest of my family set about moving the still unconscious humans out of the way and then collecting the various vampire body parts to burn. Once they set the bodies on fire we'd have to leave ... quickly. The park was exposed enough that the fire would likely be visible to many of the surrounding waterfront homes, not to mention any boaters out on the lake.

"Bella?" I said gently brushing the hair away from her face.

She was awake, of course, but her eyes were dazed as she looked up at me and all but whimpered. "Take me away from here."

"Go take care of her," Carlisle said. "We'll see to things here."

Not needing to be told twice, I stood with Bella in my arms and carried her off into the night.

TBC...

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Whew! Victoria has finally been dispatched! But now how will Bella deal with the fallout? Don't worry, just a little angst, nothing too drawn out.

Thanks to everyone that gave me the idea of Rose taking an unexpected dip in the water and that Bella should project James to get to Victoria.


	54. Chapter 54

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful. A special thanks to Im2xshy for the quick beta on this chapter.

_**Author's Note:**_ Hi all, thanks to everyone that left feedback and sent me messages regarding the story. They were like belated Christmas presents. Thanks for your patience while I wrote these next chapters. The good news is that in addition to this chapter, I have the next two chapters ready as well. I will post chapter 55 tomorrow (Sunday) and then chapter 56 next Saturday. I hope you enjoy.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 53:<strong>_ Edward, Bella and the rest of the Cullens had a big confrontation with Victoria and Riley at the park. While had they waited in the water, Bella and Edward talked about some of Bella's concerns over killing Victoria. When Victoria, Riley and the two newborns they created showed up, Jasper and Emmett destroyed the newborns while Carlisle took care of Riley. Bella used her projection powers to show Victoria an image of James that kept her from escaping as well as a bubble/shield that accomplished the same thing. It was also Bella that finally dispatched Victoria. However, when all was said and done, the impact of what she'd done caught up with Bella.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 54<strong>_

_**One Month Later**_

**EDWARD**

The wooden chair I sat in creaked rhythmically as I slowly rocked. The wide veranda it rested on had a spectacular view of the peaceful open ocean as it sparkled in the mid-day sun. My eyes however, were not focused on the water, but on an even more beautiful sight, albeit also a more troubled one, as she walked along the beach.

Bella.

When I'd whisked her away from the park and we'd returned to the campground, the first thing we did was get in the small motor home shower to wash off the lake water as well as lingering evidence of the fight. Or it's more accurate to say that I washed both of us. Bella wasn't much of an active participant in the process, and instead, she'd only leaned against me quietly. I was gently drying her off when she spoke for the first time since leaving the park. Oddly enough, she repeated the exact same words.

"Take me away from here."

It was the one thing she asked me for, begged me for really, if her tone was any indication. She wanted some time away. Away from my family, from Seattle, even from New York; basically, from everything that reminded her of what had happened. The only thing she hadn't asked for time away from was me, which was just as well since, like it or not, she wasn't getting rid of me anytime soon.

So Carlisle had offered us the use of the small island off the coast of Brazil that we called _Isle Esme_, as well as the house that stood on it, and I had taken him up on it. It was isolated and yet still close enough to the jungle on the mainland that we could hunt easily. I could have taken her north to Canada or Alaska, but I did not want either of us to be anywhere near the Denali clan or Laurent, the latter which I hadn't decided if I was going to let live or not.

The island was also a perfect fit because I'd developed an almost obsessive need to keep Bella warm, especially now that she was so obviously hurting. Despite the fact that I knew her vampire body would never be bothered by the cold again, I wanted to give Bella the sun and it's warmth rather than the colder, drearier weather we were more familiar with. I always remembered her comment to me when we first met that she didn't like the cold or the wet and I would never be able to forget that her very human body had been nearly as cold as mine that night we found her lying in the middle of that landfill. So, even if it was more symbolic now than anything, I wanted her to be warm.

From somewhere inside the house, the satellite phone began to ring, pulling me from my thoughts.

For a moment, I debated whether or not to answer it, but the only ones who were allowed to call us were Carlisle and Esme, and it had been almost a month since we'd talked to them. Also, if I was being honest, right about now being able to talk to either of them, but especially my father, was a welcome idea, so I got up and went into the house.

Picking the phone up off the counter, I answered the call. "Hello?"

"Hello, Edward," Carlisle greeted me. "I hope I'm not disturbing you and Bella."

"No, not at all," I told him as I walked back out and sat back down in the rocking chair. "Bella's not here though, she's taking a walk down on the beach."

There was a pause at the other end of the phone, and I suspected that Carlisle was trying to decide how to phrase what he wanted to say.

"Oh, I see. Well, Esme and I just wanted to call and check to see how things are going."

Now it was my turn to try and figure out what to say. My eyes located Bella down on the beach again. She was at the far end, which was quite a ways from the house, so I thought she was likely out of ear shot.

"Things are pretty much the same."

"Is Bella still upset about what happened?"

"I guess so," I murmured.

There was a pause. "You mean you don't know?"

Carlisle's question had been gentle but it felt like a sliver under my conscience and the frustration oozed out in my response. "Well, Carlisle, Bella's not doing much talking, so it's hard for me to tell what she's feeling."

"I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to imply ..."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "No, Carlisle, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just frustrated with the situation. Believe me when I say that in all the time I've known Bella, I never wished that I could read her mind more than I do right now. At least then I might know how to help her."

"Do you want to talk about it or will that make it worse?"

I gave a little laugh. "I honestly don't know."

Ever the patient mentor, Carlisle's answer was calm and unruffled. "Well, I'm a good sounding board if you need one."

"I'm not sure what good talking about it will do."

"It might make _you_ feel better."

I wanted to argue with him, but part of me realized that he might be right. I'd been trying to give Bella space, and in doing so, I'd avoided pressing her too hard to talk about anything substantial, and given that we were the only two people on the island, that left me without anyone to really talk to.

"Edward? Are you still there?"

"Yes," I said quietly as I settled back in my chair. "I was just thinking that a sounding board might be helpful after all."

"Of course, Edward, whatever I can do."

My eyes continued to track Bella as my mind tried to find a place to start. "She hardly ever speaks," I began quietly.

"You mean she's become mute again, like she did after we brought her back from the hospital?"

"No, thankfully it's not as bad as that. She will respond if I speak to her or ask her a question, but her answers are very brief, and she rarely, if ever, initiates a conversation," I explained. "She's definitely pulled into herself." I paused in case Carlisle wanted to ask a question or comment, but he remained silent, and I checked to make sure we hadn't been disconnected. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, Edward, I'm still here. I'm just listening and didn't want to interrupt."

For some unknown reason I nodded, which of course was unnecessary as he couldn't see me, so I just went on. "I've tried to talk to her about it, to engage her, but she says she's not ready to discuss it." I dragged a hand through my hair and started to ramble, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"The first couple of weeks we were here, even when we hunted, she strayed no farther from my side than my own shadow. I think that was because she was afraid I was going to leave her, which I want to say is ludicrous because I'll never leave her, but given what I did back in Forks, I guess I can understand it. I just thought we were past that and she understood."

Closing my eyes, I fisted a hand in my hair. "But what worries me more than that is now it's like she's pulling away, almost separating herself from me. I told you that Bella was down on the beach, and she is, but up until last week she wouldn't have been there without me. I tried to go with her this morning, but for the third time this week, she asked to go alone."

I swallowed hard as if I could stop the words that were about to escape. "I feel like she's slipping away from me, Carlisle, and I don't know how to stop it."

"Have you spoken to Bella about your concerns?"

"No," I admitted. "I haven't wanted to put any more pressure on her."

There was a long silence on the other end of the line, and I could all but picture the wheels turning in Carlisle's head before he finally spoke. "Would you like my advice?"

"Please," I begged. "I'm apparently missing something or doing something wrong, and I need help."

"Edward, give yourself some credit. I'm sure that you're doing all you can. Bella is struggling right now, and that's difficult for you to deal with. It's in your nature to want to rush in and fix everything, especially where Bella's concerned. Now, when she was human that was much easier for you to do, except maybe for when she was struggling emotionally after the hospital, but even then, just your presence began to bring her back from the dark place she'd gotten herself into. The problem is that now, Bella is not letting you help her, so you're at a loss for what to do."

"That's very true," I agreed.

"And I'm guessing that your first instinct right now is probably to coddle and indulge her in this melancholy that she's experiencing after what happened with Victoria."

"What else can I do, Carlisle?"

"First of all, you have to tell Bella how you're feeling. Tell her that it seems like you're losing her. It may very well be that she doesn't realize that she's putting distance between you. One of the keys to a good relationship is communicating with your partner, and right now, it doesn't sound like either of you is doing a very good job of that."

I had to agree with him. "No, as much as I hate to admit it, you're right."

"Next, you can't let Bella shut you out. If she wants to take that walk on the beach alone, follow a few paces behind her. Having your presence right there all the time will keep you in the forefront of her thoughts, and it will make it that much harder for her to shut you out."

"But won't that make her angry?"

"It might, but wouldn't her anger be preferable to this malaise she's gotten herself into?"

"I suppose it would be, I just don't like upsetting her."

"That's understandable, but I still think it would be the best course of action in this case. You said that in the beginning she stuck right by your side, and I think you need to do the same thing to her now."

"Okay, I can do that," I agreed. "The truth is, I miss having her so close by all the time."

There was another pause again, and I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what he had to say next. "And finally, I think you're going to have to stop letting her drift and, if necessary, provoke her into a response."

"What, you mean pick a fight with her?" I asked incredulous. "I can't do that, Carlisle. She's been through so much, she needs me to lean on right now, not to fight with."

"Edward, sometimes loving someone means doing something difficult. Tell me this, if Bella were still human and she was suffering from a cancer that would slowly kill her and yet she refused to accept a life-saving treatment that was readily available, what would you do?"

My answer was immediate. "I would talk her into accepting treatment."

"And if that didn't work?"

"I'd force her to get the treatment," I told him.

He paused for a moment before continuing. "But if she's so sick, wouldn't she need you to just support her and not argue with her?"

"No, not if her life is in danger. Getting her well takes priority over everything else," I argued.

"Even if it meant dragging her kicking and screaming to the doctor?"

"Yes, it would be for her own good," I replied. "I would rather have her angry with me if it meant she was alive."

"Good, then that's how you have to see this situation," he told me. "The cancer is this depression she's gotten into, and the treatment is making her talk about it, thereby forcing her to excise whatever she's got bottled up inside her."

I had a feeling that was where he was going with his allegory, and I had to admit what he was saying made sense, but that last thing I wanted to do was upset Bella after she'd been through so much. "But Carlisle …" I began to protest.

"Edward, you know as well as anyone that a vampire's first newborn year is very important for how they will do going forward. And furthermore, once our kind gets into a certain mindset, it takes an awful lot to change that mindset," Carlisle said. "I'm afraid that if you let Bella wallow for too long, it will permanently become part of who she is, and it will take nothing short of a miracle to bring her out of it."

Again, everything he was saying made sense; I did indeed know about getting stuck in an unhealthy mindset. Bella had been the miracle, my miracle, to bring me out of it, and as hard as it was going to be for me, I could see now that I was going to have to be hers.

While I was having my mini-revelation, Carlisle continued to speak. "By the way, I spoke to Eleazar as a sort of second opinion, and he agrees with me."

In a flash, I went from thoughtful to irritated. "I don't especially care what Eleazar has to say about anything," I snarled into the phone.

"I know, please don't be angry with me for speaking to him," Carlisle said trying to explain. "Given his background with the Volturi, I thought he would be the perfect person to offer some insight on Bella's powers."

Trying to get hold of my temper, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I honestly don't care if he knows the secrets of the universe. He and the rest of the Denalis are letting Laurent live under their roof even after everything he did to lead Victoria to Bella."

"You have to understand that he's caught in a difficult situation. Irina still insists that she's loves Laurent, and if Eleazar does anything to hurt him or throw him out, he'll lose Irina too, and if that happens, Kate and Tanya will most likely go too. He's just trying to keep his family together."

"I'm not especially worried about _their_ family right now, Carlisle. I'm worried about Bella and her being part of _our_ family," I told him honestly. "And for the record, I would prefer to keep the rest of his clan from knowing anything about Bella or her powers. I don't trust Laurent at all and I could see him using the information for his own purposes if it benefited him in some way."

"I absolutely agree with you, which is why I asked Eleazar to keep what we discussed between him and I, which he agreed to do," Carlisle told me. "To be honest, Edward I don't think he trusts Laurent any more than we do."

Mentally, I sighed in defeat. I wanted nothing to do with the Denalis after what happened with Laurent, but I had to admit that Carlisle was right, and Eleazar would be a good source of information where Bella was concerned.

"Fine, what did he say?"

"He thinks Bella is a shield, a very strong one, since, among other things, you couldn't read her mind even when she was still human."

It was like a light bulb went off in my head. "A shield. Of course, she is a shield. How did I miss that? It makes perfect sense."

"Furthermore, he said that her shield ability is unlike anything he's ever seen, and he's never heard of someone being able to project images like she apparently can. Normally shields are broken into two categories, mental shields or physical shields. He's never encountered a strictly mental shield, but Aro's personal shield, Renata, is an example of a physical shield. If someone approaches her or Aro, they find themselves diverted. There's a force around her that repels, though it's almost unnoticeable. You simply find yourself going in a different direction than you planned, with a confused memory as to why you wanted to go that other way in the first place. She can project her shield several meters out from herself. However, he's never seen a shield that is both mental and physical like Bella appears to be. It's likely that she would be immune to both Jane and Alec's powers, and it's doubtful that Aro would be able to read her thoughts any more than you can." He paused. "Bella's very special."

"That's not news to me, Carlisle. I've always thought she was special for many, many reasons." Then, a rather disturbing thought crossed my mind. "Carlisle, if her gifts make her immune to any of the guard's powers and the Volturi were to learn about her …" I trailed off, not even wanting to say the words.

"Yes, Eleazar thinks that they would be very interested in … collecting Bella," he said gravely.

Many years ago, Carlisle had cautioned Alice and me that we should do all we could to avoid interaction with the Volturi because he worried that Aro would want us to join the Volturi guard. The problem with the Volturi was that their method of 'recruitment' was more like being drafted than volunteering; meaning we might not have much choice in the matter.

"Then we'll have to do everything possible to keep her off their radar," I told him.

"Actually, I think it would be best if we _all_ stayed off their radar," he replied.

"You're sure that Eleazar will remain silent? After all, he used to work for the Volturi," I pointed out.

"I have to point out that I used to live among them for a time as well," Carlisle said. "But that doesn't mean my current allegiance is still with them."

I was probably being unnecessarily cautious, but this was Bella we were talking about, and I didn't want to take any chances. "Yes, but you never worked for them. Eleazar can't say the same. In fact, it was his job to find people just like Bella and the rest of us with powers they could exploit."

His reply was quiet but earnest. "I trust him not to say anything, Edward. Not to the Volturi, not to the Denali sisters and certainly not to Laurent. I have to believe that our secret is safe with him."

"Well, I don't trust him, but I do trust you, so I'll just have to take your word for it." Then I added in a grumble. "Besides, that proverbial cat is already out of the bag, so I don't suppose I have much choice in the matter."

"Yes, well, there is that," he said quietly.

I immediately felt guilty for being so hard on him. "I'm sorry, Carlisle, I know you were only doing what you thought was best. You know I just worry about Bella. She's been through so much, and there have been so many things that have happened that have tried to keep us apart, and I don't want any more surprises. I just want us to get on with our lives."

"You don't have to apologize to me for anything, Edward. It's only right that you're focus is on Bella. It's about time that things started to go your way." He paused. "And I'd like to remind you that as many obstacles as the two of you have had to face, you're still together. That counts for a lot."

I couldn't help but smile at that. He definitely had a point. "I guess it all goes back to what Esme said about having faith." The smile became a grin. "Just don't tell her she was right, or I will never hear the end of it."

He chuckled as I heard an indignant, "And just what is that supposed to mean?" from Carlisle's end of the line.

"Too late, son," he said still chuckling. "She's sitting right here beside me and heard the whole thing."

"Just kidding, Esme," I called out.

"From the look on her face, I think it will take more than that to get back in her good graces," Carlisle replied.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I'll work on it."

"Well, if you're laughing then I guess talking about things has helped a little bit."

Surprisingly, I did feel better. I had a bit of a plan now, and even though it would be difficult, I didn't feel quite so alone with what was happening with Bella. "Yes, I guess it has at that." My amusement faded, and I turned a bit more serious. "Carlisle, if I do what we talked about and it still doesn't help things, would you and Esme be willing to come down here and help me?"

"Kind of an intervention?" he replied.

"Something like that. I know talking to Esme usually helps Bella, especially after their shared experience with Victoria and Riley."

"Of course, we'd come. Just say the word."

"Thanks, Carlisle." My eyes found Bella again, and now she was walking back toward the house. "Well, I better go. Bella is heading back this way."

"All right. Give her our best."

"I will. Thank you again for calling Carlisle." I raised my voice a little even though I probably didn't need to. "You too, Esme." I thought I heard a bit of a 'harrumph' from their end of the line, but I couldn't be certain and yet, it still made me grin.

We disconnected the call, and I laid the phone on the small table next to the rocking chair. I sought out Bella again and found her nearing the stretch of beach closest to the house. However, rather than walking back toward the house itself, she sat down in the sand at the edge of the water with her back to me as she looked out over the ocean.

"Well, here's goes nothing," I murmured as I started toward her.

TBC…

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><p><em><strong>Author's note: <strong>_Tomorrow we get to see what's going on in Bella's head. See you then!


	55. Chapter 55

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful. A special thanks to Im2xshy for the quick beta on this chapter.

_**Author's Note:**_ Here's another chapter just like I promised. This chapter is from Bella's POV and covers the discussion between her and Edward.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 54:<strong>_ Edward and Bella went to Isle Esme and Carlisle called to check on them. Bella was clearly still struggling with what had happened and Edward was at a loss on how to help her. Carlisle told him he needed to talk to Bella and tell her how he was feeling while also getting her to open up about how she was feeling.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 55<strong>_

**BELLA**

The sand was warm beneath me as I settled down at the shore and looked out over the waves as they slowly, rhythmically rolled toward me. Under normal circumstances, I would have enjoyed the beautiful view, but my mind was too full of thoughts right now to let me appreciate it. Edward hadn't been kidding when he told me that my vampire mind brain would have more room for thoughts than my human one had, and that I would feel things more intently. Unfortunately, for me, that was a bad thing right now as the thoughts I was having were not all that pleasant, and I was feeling pretty terrible about things in general.

Closing my eyes, my personal hit list of issues that were plaguing me flashed up on the backside of my eyelids like an unwelcome movie.

First, there was the feeling of power as I'd reduced Victoria to near hysteria at the sight of James' image.

I still didn't know how I'd projected such a realistic and animated image of the long-dead vampire. I hadn't used my usual method of producing an image, in fact I hadn't thought about it at all; it had been largely instinctive. Ever since that night, I hadn't even thought about trying to project anything else. Even though it had been effective, I was almost sick over the fact that not only had I used such a cruel trick to stop Victoria, but I had been almost gleeful about it at the time.

Second, was the supreme satisfaction I felt when I tore her head from her shoulders.

While I knew that Victoria had to be taken out, what shamed me was not so much that I'd been one to do it, but the happiness I'd felt over it.

Third, the look of disappointment and confusion on everyone's faces when Edward told them that we were going away for a while and the fact that I wouldn't talk to them about it.

It wasn't that they had done anything wrong or that I blamed them for anything. At the time, I simply felt overwhelmed by what happened and by what I was feeling, and I simply could not articulate what was going inside me. Then there was the fact that looking at them and seeing how happy they were at how things came out—after all we'd accomplished what we set out to do and gotten rid of the threat that Victoria and Riley presented—reminded me of everything that had happened at the park and made me feel that much more ashamed at my own actions.

And finally there was Edward. I seemed to failing him at every turn. I wouldn't blame him if he regretted ever meeting me, much less changing me. My actions at the park had probably lowered his opinion of me considerably.

I thought I'd be stronger and better as a vampire, and, of course, I was those thing physically, but otherwise I couldn't seem to do anything right. I'm pretty sure that he'd found the way I'd all but clung to him in the weeks after the showdown with Victoria annoying, but then when I forced myself to do things without him, he seemed to be hurt. Even now I could picture the look on his face when I'd told him I wanted to take a walk without him. It was part surprise, part concern and mostly hurt.

All I seemed to do these days was hurt him, when that was the last thing I wanted, and I hoped that it wasn't permanently damaging our relationship.

But my hopes on that score were fading fast. He hadn't tried to kiss me or be intimate with me since that night at the park. Gone was the playfulness we'd shared over Emmett and other things keeping us from making love after my change. Since we'd been on the island, Edward had been nothing but solicitous and gentlemanly. Of course, I hadn't made any overtures to him in that respect either, but beyond being distracted by my own thoughts, I had been looking for some sign from him that he still wanted that with me.

Think of the man and he appears, I thought as I heard his footsteps coming toward me from the house. I turned to watch him walk at human speed to where I sat.

"Hi," he said as he dropped down to sit next to me. "Carlisle called. He and Esme send their best."

I nodded and tried to give him a smile as I traced my fingers through a small mound of sand. As had become a rather unpleasant habit, a long silence stretched between us when neither of us spoke.

That was another thing that had been difficult for me since that night at the park … talking. It wasn't that I was making a conscious effort not to speak. Most of the time, it was just that I didn't know what to say or the words seemed to be stuck in my throat. As for Edward, in the beginning, he actually carried not only his end of the conversation, but most of mine too. However, I think he'd gotten tired of it because he'd stopped doing it in the last couple of weeks.

Now, all we had were a lot of long silences that only seemed to punctuate the growing distance between us.

"Bella," Edward said quietly, but with an odd firmness that I recognized as resolve. "I need to talk to you."

I stared harder at the sand and tried to control the sudden pain in my chest. Was this the time he told me that he was tired of my issues and was done with me? If so, I didn't know what I was going to do.

"Bella, look at me."

Not even a 'please.' He was definitely serious. To be honest, I was a little afraid to look at him and see that he was giving me the same look he'd given me when he left me in Forks. Despite my fear, I raised my head and my eyes met his. The look in his eyes was not the same as it had been that day in the forest, yes, there was resolve there, but his eyes were warm and concerned, not cold and bleak as I had remembered them being.

Then he spoke. "We can't go on like this."

The pain in my chest flared, and I found myself physically unable to speak.

He frowned at me and looked confused. "Bella? What is it?" When I still didn't answer, his hand brushed my cheek. "Please say something."

Somehow I managed to stutter out the words. "Do … do you … want me to go …. go?"

He blinked at me in what I could only describe as utter surprise. "Go? Go where?"

He wasn't the only one that was apparently confused. His words and his actions seemed to contradict each other. His words terrified me, but the look in his eyes and the touch of his hand seemed to reassure me.

Even though it was not physically necessary, I swallowed hard and managed to force out the words. "Away from this place? Away from … you?"

My words only made him frown harder. "No!" he said vehemently. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"But … but you said we couldn't go on like this," I said pointing out what I thought was obvious.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I just meant that it hurts me to see you suffering so badly and the fact that you can't or won't talk to me about it is like twisting a knife in the wound." He took hold of the upper parts of my arms and squeezed gently. "Please Bella, talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling. I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"So you mean you're not going to leave me?"

Another round of bafflement crossed his face, then it morphed into a myriad of other emotions. Anger. Frustration. Pain. The latter of which made me regret my words. There I went again apparently hurting him when I hadn't meant to.

Releasing my arms, Edward got up and walked a little ways away and stood with his back to me almost as if he were mentally counting to ten. A few minutes passed with neither of us moving or speaking, then, apparently able to control whatever he'd been feeling, he turned and walked back to me.

Kneeling in front of me, he took my hands in his. "Bella, I need you to listen to me now. I understand that what I did to you back in Forks was utterly wrong and hurt you deeply, and so I will say this as many times as it takes for you to really believe it." He released my hands so he could cradle my face in his palms. "I am not going to leave you again … EVER," he said with the utmost solemnity. "You can never talk to me again, and I will not go. You can tell me that you don't want me around anymore, but that will just make me follow you around like a lost puppy. You can run away from me, but I have news for you, I run faster." His thumbs brushed over my cheekbones. "I love you with all that I am, and as long as I exist, I will never leave you … ever. It is my most solemn vow and my deepest truth."

The painful feeling in my chest was washed away by a wave of love and warmth that seemed to fill me to bursting. I wholeheartedly believed him.

And for the first time, I realized that some dark, selfish part of me had been waiting for him to leave, and that same immature part of me had been holding back my words to test him. I'd wielded my silence almost as a weapon, or maybe a shield, to keep him out and push him away. It shamed to know that I could do that to him, especially when I could see how much I had hurt him.

Once I realized that, every locked door and sealed part of me was thrown open. I threw myself at him and hugged him. "I'm sorry. Oh, God, Edward, I'm so sorry."

It took a beat to get over his surprise at my sudden action, but he hugged me back. "What are you sorry for?" he asked, still confused.

"For shutting you out and for doing anything to hurt you, when all you've done was be patient and kind and give me everything." I pulled back to look at him. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know exactly what's been troubling you so much."

I sat back on the sand and let out a sigh which, since I no longer needed to breathe, was more out of habit and emotion than physical need. "There's a number of things," I admitted. "I'm not sure where to start."

"Pick anything," he smiled, clearly thrilled that he finally seemed to be getting through to me. "I've heard the beginning is always a good place to start."

I nodded. "I guess the biggest thing is what happened with Victoria. You know I my conscience was already having issues with killing her."

"Yes, but Bella just like we talked about that night, it had to be done."

"No, I know, and I think I've come to terms with that part of it, although I'm a little surprised that I was the one to do it."

"Honestly, I think we were all surprised it was you, but I have to say, I was proud of you for doing something I know you found so difficult."

I ran a handful of sand through my fingers. "But that's the real problem. Not that I was the one to end Victoria, but that I really didn't find it all that difficult." I looked up at him. "Actually, when it was happening, I was _thrilled_ I was doing it and the fact that I was practically … joyful over ending the existence of another sentient being disturbs me. It's like my head and my instincts can't reconcile the other." I looked down at the sand again. "I guess that doesn't make much sense to you."

He took my hand. "It makes perfect sense, Bella, although I don't think it's so much a fight between your head and your instincts but between your human and vampire natures."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I told you that night, now that you're a vampire, the grey areas in life will be much bigger. Your human nature wants to see things in more black and white terms and tells you that you shouldn't enjoy killing, and in a sense it's right, as even as vampires, we need to control ourselves, and we shouldn't revel in killing living thing. But it's not that cut and dry. For example, as a human, you would have been horrified to kill any living thing, including an animal, but as a vampire, you have to regularly kill animals to survive."

"But I don't enjoy killing them," I pointed out. "I'm not horrified by it, and I guess it's satisfying in a sense, but it has to be done."

He nodded. "Yes, and I believe it's that thinking that caused you to be the one to destroy Victoria. You knew it had to be done. It was like putting down a rabid or suffering animal. Now, with regards to you enjoying it, let me ask you a question."

"Okay, go ahead."

"If said to you, 'Hey, Bella, let's swim to the mainland and massacre the first town or village we come to just for fun,' what would you say?"

I gave his shoulder a little shove. "Be serious, Edward."

"I am being serious, what would you say?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "I would think you were joking, and if you weren't, I'd think something was seriously wrong with you."

"That just proves my point. Even as a newborn you don't love killing, don't seek it out. It was only with Victoria that it gave you some kind of pleasure."

"Okay," I conceded, feeling a little better. "You do have a point there."

"But when it comes to Victoria, I think part of you, yes, maybe a darker part of you, remembered what she did to you when she had you prisoner, and it also remembered what a threat she posed not only to you and all of us, but to the innocent humans out there that she was either going to drain or change and then twist into something evil. The reason you were glad was because you were the one to remove the threat she posed and because you got some revenge for what she did to you. But you have to remember that revenge in one instance, like your actions that night, and being vengeful as a way of life as Victoria was, are two entirely different things. And if you think about it, you gave her a relatively quick, painless death, but she didn't give you the same luxury. In many ways, you were very merciful to her."

I thought about that for a long moment. "All right, I see what you're saying, and for the most part, I agree with you. But I'm not convinced that I was all that merciful to her."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, it's another thing that's been bothering me," I told him. "How could I use an image of James against her? Even if you're right, and he didn't really ever love her, I think she loved him. Using his image to stop her was unbelievably cruel, and the fact that I did it without even a second thought makes it that much worse."

"It was also effective," Edward pointed out. "She was running away, and she excels at getting away, but you stopped her."

"Yes, by using the one thing that she couldn't resist, the one thing that would get past all her defenses. James."

"You did what needed to be done, Bella," Edward argued. "Against someone that hurt you and tormented you. Some would call that brave."

"Well, I don't think I'm one of them." I pressed the heel of my palms into my eyes. "I just keep seeing her face."

He gently gripped my upper arms again. "Bella, you have to stop torturing yourself."

I looked up at him. "I keep wondering if it were me," I said quietly. "If you had been killed and someone had the ability to project you in a form that walked and talked, I would have acted just like her. After all, I am the one that dredged up Anthony just so I could see your face and hear your voice."

He cupped my cheek. "Would it make you feel any better to know that the last image she saw was James?" he said softly. "Because that's what I saw in her mind and for a moment, I sensed she felt whole again."

"I never looked at it in quite that way," I admitted.

"If you want to look at it like this, Victoria is in a better place now, maybe even with James and you made her last moment happy."

While it still bothered me some, I felt some of the weight lift from my shoulders. "In the interest of full disclosure, there has been something else that's been bothering me."

"What's that?"

Secure in the knowledge that he wasn't going to leave me, I was honest with him. "Did what happened at the park change your opinion of me or how you feel about me?"

There was a flicker of surprise in his gaze, but his expression quickly evened out. "It absolutely changed my opinion of you," he said benignly. Before my own overactive imagination could jump to a conclusion, he broke into a smile. "It made me think that you're even stronger and more amazing than I'd previously given you credit for." He chuckled. "And when you not only created a projection that could talk and move, but then you created that bubble thing to trap Victoria … well let's just say that I was floored. I've never seen anyone do things like much."

"But what if I can't do it again?" I asked. "I still don't know exactly how I projected such a lifelike figure, and I really don't know how I did that bubble thing. All I remember thinking was that I just didn't want Victoria getting away, and poof, there it was."

His expression softened. "It doesn't matter if you can't do either one again—although I suspect you will be able to eventually with some practice—I'll still adore you, just like I do at this very minute."

I looked up at him, the next words I wanted to say stuck in my throat. With a supreme effort, I forced them out and like a proverbial champagne cork, they all came flying out at once. "Thenwhyhaven'tyoutriedtomakelovetome?"

He frowned. "Okay, I know vampire hearing and all, but I didn't get any of that."

I sighed and stared down at the sand. "Please don't make me say it again, it's kind of embarrassing."

"Bella, love," he said placing his fingers under my chin to lift my face up to look at him. "You don't need to feel embarrassed. You can ask me anything."

He was right, of course. So, screwing up my courage, I tried again, this time letting words out more slowly as my eyes locked onto his face. "Why haven't you tried to make love to me?"

Clearly, he had not been expecting that question. "Why haven't I…?" he trailed off.

"Yes, I thought maybe it was because what happened at the park had changed how you felt about me, that maybe you didn't want me like that anymore, but you just said that …"

I didn't get to finish my sentence before I found myself stretched out on the sand with Edward's body above me. A spike of heated desire—the first I'd felt since we'd been on the island—went through me to settle between my legs where it hummed like a low electrical charge.

Edward's lips hovered just above mine when he spoke. "I haven't tried to make love to you because you have been upset, and I was trying to give you time and space. If I'd known that was what it was going to take to make you feel better, I would have ravished you in the shower of the motor home when we got back from the park. And if Emmett tried to interrupt us, he would have gotten a great show because I wouldn't have stopped for anything less than nuclear holocaust."

His words left me breathless, if I'd needed to breathe that is, and with that, his lips were on mine, hard and insistent like he was trying to lay claim to me. In response, every part of my body seemed to sit up and take notice as if to say, FINALLY! Although I had no doubt what he said was true, if I'd needed any further evidence of how he felt, it was pressing against my inner thigh.

And it was getting bigger and harder by the minute.

Before my brain could process all the stimuli my body was currently experiencing, Edward's weight was gone, and he was picking me up.

"What…?" was all I could manage.

"We're going inside. I understand getting sand in certain places can be very unpleasant, even for vampires." He threw me over his shoulder and gave my butt a light pat, as if he was inordinately pleased with himself. "Besides, I want to make love to you in a proper bed."

I liked this more caveman version of Edward, and I giggled in response as he carried me off into the house. Unlike earlier, I noticed this time he moved at vampire rather than human speed. Not that I minded; after all the delays we'd experienced, I couldn't quite believe that I was going to finally get to make love with him for the first time since my change.

TBC…

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><p><em><strong>Author's note:<strong>_ The next chapter is done and will be up next Saturday. I promise, no more cock blocking. Bella and Edward will have their lemon … actually they get a whole orchard of them. I hope it meets with your expectations. The lemony goodness chapter will be the last regular chapter of the story, but there will be an epilogue to follow. See you next week! Thanks for reading.


	56. Chapter 56

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>I want to give a special shout out to my beta Im2xshy. This chapter is dedicated to her. She was ready to wring my neck for cock blocking Edward and Bella and I appreciate her patience with me while I worked all their issues. AM this one is for you!<strong>_

_**Author's Note:**_ This chapter is all about the lemony goodness. If that's not your thing or you're under 18, look away now. However, I would encourage you to read the end section which is good but not lemony. If you go to the end of the chapter and then scroll back up, I've put in "**BKDWN**" so that you know where to start reading. If the lemony goodness IS your type of thing, I hope you will enjoy it. This will be the last regular chapter of this story, but there will be an epilogue to follow. Thank you all for joining me on this crazy ride. Enjoy.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 55: <strong>_Still on Isle Esme, Bella and Edward finally had a long overdue discussion about what they were both feeling and Edward did a lot to put Bella's fears to rest.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 56<strong>_

**BELLA**

The interior of the house was a blur as he carried me into the master bedroom. While we'd used the room to change and the attached bathroom to shower, we hadn't actually tried out the bed. It looked sturdy enough, but part of me hoped we could do some damage to it. The idea started me giggling again.

"I think that's one of my favorite sounds," he said stopping next to the bed and setting me back on my feet beside it.

"What sound?"

"The sound of you laughing or giggling. It's such a happy sound," he said. The sweetness and intimacy of his comment made me smile. He ran a gentle finger along my bottom lip. "And that smile is one of my favorite things to see. I've missed it."

Before I could think of a reply, his finger trailed lower to toy with the skin where it peeked out of the top of my simple white sundress. His eyes never left mine, as I felt all his fingers slowly begin to undo the small pearl buttons down the front of my dress. It was an incredibly erotic moment, and I was glad I didn't need to breathe because it made holding my breath to see what he was going to do next so much easier.

I had forgone a bra since we'd been on the island, so once the buttons were undone, the warm air in the room brushed over my now exposed nipples, making them pucker and sending an additional jolt to my already tingling core. But his fingers were far from done as he ran one under each of the small straps that were now the only things keeping my dress up.

His eyes were still locked with mine and the look in his eyes made my stomach quiver.

"Your skin is so soft," he murmured, as he slid each of the straps off my shoulders and had the dress floating to the floor with a soft swish to land in a pool at my feet, so that I was left standing before him in only my white boy shorts.

Now his eyes did move as they traveled languidly from my face to my toes. His gaze was like a physical caress as they moved over me. Feeling a little self-conscious, I started to lift my arms to cover my chest, but Edward caught my hands, and without a word of reproach for me trying to cover myself, he held my arms out wide as he continued to look at me.

"I thought I remembered how beautiful your breasts were, but either your change made them even more lovely or even my vampire memory didn't do them justice because they are quite simply spectacular."

Gently but firmly, he placed my hands back down at my sides, and his very busy fingers trailed up my arms to my shoulders leaving goose bumps in their wake. His eyes followed his fingers as they drifted downward until they brushed over the very hard tips of both my breasts. I gasped at the sensation and the jolt that seemed to go through my whole body at his touch on such sensitive spots. At the same time, I felt the warm wetness from my arousal begin to seep out of me, and I imagined that if my boy shorts didn't already have a damp patch on them, it would only be a matter of time.

"It's like they were made just for my touch," he continued almost to himself as he cupped one in his hand and brushed his thumb over the nipple. "Pale, soft and yet firm with luscious rosy tips, begging for my mouth to taste them, and I intend to get my fill." His eyes flashed to my face. "Get on the bed, Bella."

The command in his voice made me scramble to do what he asked without hesitation. I only stopped long enough to rip the bedspread and the top sheet out of the way. There was no way that my boy shorts weren't soaked by now, and it occurred to me that he could probably see that as I moved, not to mention smell it on the air. Oddly enough, I didn't mind at all, on the contrary, I wanted him to know the effect he had on me, and it made me feel that much sexier. Edward had just the hint of a smirk on his beautiful mouth as he watched me. Once I was settled against the pillows, he slowly walked around the bed, his movements almost sinuous as if he were cat stalking his prey.

Standing at the foot of the bed, he studied me. "So lovely," he murmured.

There was no smirk on his mouth now, just a heat in his eyes that felt hot enough to burn the wet panties right off me. Catching the hem of his t-shirt, he pulled it off in one smooth motion and tossed it aside leaving him only in a pair of low slung jeans. A breath I no longer required caught in my throat. It had been so long since I'd seen the visual feast of his bare chest and the V of his hips and points south that my fingers tingled to touch him. By the bulge his jeans and the fact that tip of his cock was already peeking over the edge of his waistband, I could tell that he was fully aroused and hard.

How had I gone so long without being with him like this? I really must have been out of my mind for the last few weeks. I made a vow that I would never let it happen again. The need to touch him became overpowering, and I started to sit up so I could crawl across the bed to him but he stopped me.

"No," he said, his voice still commanding. "Stay there."

I reluctantly settled back against the pillows. "But I want to touch you," I said softly.

"Oh, don't worry, you'll get your chance," he all but growled at me. "Before I let you out of that bed I intend for you to touch me everywhere that's physically possible, but first things first."

His hands moved to the waistband of his button-fly jeans, which I assumed he had nothing on underneath as he usually went commando. As I watched, he slowly, almost painstakingly opened each button. When the last one was undone, his erection slid out to stand proud, tall and very hard.

"How could you doubt how much I want you?" he said softly as his hand moved to touch himself. "If you need any proof, you don't need to look any further than right here. The only reason I don't walk around with a hard-on for you every minute of the day is because I've had decades alone to work on my self-control."

Seeing him lightly stroking himself made it all but impossible to make my mouth form any words, so I just nodded and watched him with rapt fascination. Without conscious thought on my part, my own hand drifted down mimic him, as I touched myself through my very damp panties. I realized what I was doing when I saw his nostrils flare and his eyes followed the motion of my hand.

His eyes were black with desire and without another word from him, he shoved down his jeans and stepped out of them. The lower half of his body was no less a work of art than the top half had been. In fact, it was probably even better. Before I'd seen Edward naked for the first time, I'd never thought that I would find the male body and all its parts as anything more than just a simple variation of my own, but his body had blown that idea to pieces. He was, quite simply, beautiful.

His gorgeous face, with its smirking poet's mouth and wild bronze hair was impossible for anyone, including me, to resist.

The hard plains and muscles of his chest and abdomen.

The long, firm lines of his legs.

And most delightful of all, the smattering of bronze hair across his chest and the corresponding treasure trail that led to points south.

As for those points south, they were the absolute picture of virility. From the back, he had a butt that you could bounce a quarter off of. And, although I didn't really have much to compare him to, in my opinion, from the front, he was long, thick and very well endowed, not to mention utterly delectable.

Edward had climbed onto the bed and was now crawling toward me. Again, I felt a little like he was the predator and I was the prey, and I didn't mind one bit. When he got close enough, he picked my hand from where it was still brushing over my damp boy shorts.

With his eyes on mine, he lifted my hand first to his nose where he inhaled deeply, then he opened his mouth and licked the remaining arousal from my fingers. My whole body shivered as I watched him, and I heard myself whimper.

"Delicious," he said with a seductive grin. "And I bet it's even better right from the source."

I half expected him to remove my underwear, but he left them in place and moved up my body until our faces were level, and he proceeded to kiss me. I could faintly taste myself on his tongue and it only added to the eroticism of the moment.

He pulled back to look at me. "But first I have to taste those luscious breasts that were tempting me a few moments ago."

A gasp of anticipation went through me as his hand moved to caress and pinch the still hard nipple of one of my breasts while his head dipped down, and he wrapped his lips around the other nipple and sucked.

My whole body bucked, and I let out a little cry of delight at the sensation of him suckling, nipping and pinching my breasts. While we'd done something similar when I'd still been human, the feeling was much more intense now. Part of it was, of course, because my senses were so much more heightened, but I also thought it was because Edward was not holding back in fear of hurting me like he had when I'd still been human. My hand slid up to grip his hair, holding him in place at my breast.

After a moment, he pulled back and my nipple came out of his mouth with a little 'pop'. "You like that, hmmm?"

"Y … yes," my voice sounded breathless, which was quite a feat, since I didn't actually have to breathe.

The smirk was back on his lips. "Oh, love, that's nothing. You have no idea what I plan to do to you."

His lips descended to my other breast where he gave it a thorough suckling. I was so wrapped up in the feeling of his lips on my breast that it took me a moment to realize that one of his hands was traveling down my stomach and was sliding into the front of my boy shorts.

"Edward," I whimpered when I realized he was going to touch me without the cloth barrier between us. His fingers didn't actually need to go very far before he encountered evidence of my arousal.

Releasing my breast again he looked up at me. "You're so wet, love. Is that all for me?"

When his hand stilled and he only continued to look at me, I realized that he wanted me to actually answer him. I swallowed more out of reflex than anything and tried to form some kind of coherent response.

"I … uh, yes," I managed and the look in his eyes made me a little bolder. "I want … please … touch me."

He grinned at me and went back to lavishing attention on my breasts. As if he were waiting for something, his hand hadn't really moved inside my underwear, but I was almost desperate to feel him touch me more intimately, so I shifted my hips to encourage him in that direction.

"Someone's impatient," he murmured with a chuckle around my breast, the vibration adding a new level of sensation.

"Please, Edward …" I begged.

"Since you used the magic word …" he said continuing to tease my breasts with his mouth and his free hand.

The talented fingers of his other hand slid a bit lower inside my underwear, and he tapped them against my outer lips as if he were playing a piano. The idea he was playing my body as his instrument threw yet another log on the raging bonfire of desire that was already raging through me. Apparently, the tune he was playing came to some kind of crescendo because his fingers suddenly slid down and between my outer lips to rub the bundle of nerves between my legs that was all but weeping for his touch.

It only took two strokes of his finger against my sensitive flesh and him biting down hard on my nipple to have me crying out his name as my body exploded in a mind shattering orgasm. Where orgasms he'd given me as a human had been what I considered a ten on the one to ten scale, the one he'd just given me was about a 22 on the same scale, and he wasn't even inside me yet. I hope I survived the orgasms still to come … no pun intended.

"Well, that was fun," he said with a smirk as he withdrew his hand and watched me try to calm down and stop my body from shaking in the aftermath of the orgasm.

I managed what felt like a somewhat goofy smile. "You won't get any arguments from me, and if you give me a minute, I'll be ready and willing to return the favor."

He leaned in and kissed me long and hard. "Don't worry about it," he said a moment later. "You can have a turn at me soon enough, but right now, this is about you, and I'm not done tasting you yet."

Without waiting for a response, he crawled down my body, kissing his way over my chest and lower to my belly until he was settled between my legs, and his mouth hovered over my damp underwear.

"Hmmm, so good," he murmured as he inhaled deeply and his fingers toyed with the waistband of my boy shorts. "I think it's time we got rid of these, don't you?"

Again, the most I could manage was a nod. I assumed he was going to pull my underwear down and toss them away, but he surprised me yet again when he took hold of each side and yanked. In his hands, the cotton fabric ripped as easily as paper, and he pulled them off my body.

"Much better," he said tossing them aside. "Now, spread those lovely legs, so I can see how much you want this."

I did as he instructed, and I felt hyper aware of every air current in the room as it rushed over my newly exposed flesh. I suppose it should have made me self-conscious for him to see me so … intimately, but it didn't. Instead, his words made my whole body tingle. Letting him lead and telling me what to do was freeing in a way because I didn't have to think, and the best part was everything he'd done so far had been geared toward making me feel amazing, so it was a win-win for me.

He chuckled and rubbed his thumb lightly over my center making me shiver. "Hmmm, yes, I can see just how much you want it." His thumb was dripping with my arousal when he pulled it away from my body and slid it into his mouth. "Even better than I expected," he said. "But I want more, I _need_ more."

With that, he leaned in and … and … well, my mind sort of went blank at that point due to the overload as orgasm after orgasm rolled through me. Edward's tongue and mouth and fingers, there were no words to really do them justice. In my mind, they were now going to be known as the Holy Trinity, because they were giving me the closest thing I'd ever had to a religious experience. When he put all three of them to use on me and _in_ me, it was like my body, my soul, just every part of me was in a constant orgasmic state, one dove tailing onto another as he didn't let me come down from one before the next one slammed into me. The overload of sensation left me with only vague impressions of exactly what he was doing to me to provoke such a response.

The flat of his tongue lapping at me.

The point of his tongue flicking over me as his fingers slid in and out of me.

His lips literally sucking the arousal from my body like you would suck the juice from a very ripe peach.

All I knew for sure was that all of it felt good, no not good, good was too mild a word, earthshaking was closer, mind blowing was probably the best description. His name fell repeatedly from my lips like a curse, like a blessing … like a song. If I'd still been human, I was pretty sure I'd have been dead from heart failure over what he was doing.

Thank God I wasn't human any more.

But if I had been, wow, what a way to go. Talk about dying with a smile on your face.

Just when I thought that he couldn't improve on what he was already doing, his lips wrapped around my clit, and he sucked on it like he had on my nipple earlier while his fingers were curled deep inside me. Some hazy, barely functioning part of my brain wondered if he was also going to bite my clit like he'd bitten my nipple when he did exactly that.

And I heard myself scream.

I don't think I would even call what I felt at that point an orgasm. The word seemed so weak and pale compared to what I felt. I would liken the feeling more to a nuclear bomb going off in my body than a simple orgasm.

Reality began to return slowly. I hadn't passed out or anything, of course, as it was impossible for me to do that now, but my brain and my body had to take a moment to start working again like a stopped heart after it's been given an electrical shock.

I felt as languid and relaxed as I could remember being since I'd been changed. I was so out of it that it took me a second to figure out that my eyes were closed. I hadn't even remembered closing them. Forcing them open, I was greeted with the sight of Edward, still positioned between my legs, only now he was giving my sensitized flesh a respite. Instead, he was placing small butterfly kisses along the inside of both my thighs as he watched me with a very smug expression on his face.

"That was fun," I said echoing his earlier statement.

He laughed. "It was indeed."

Just has he had admired my laugh earlier, I catalogued his laugh as one of my favorite things as well. It was then I noticed something. "Why are you all wet?"

I was referring to the fact that liquid droplets were hanging from his hair, dripping off his nose and his face and chest had a sheen on them, as if he'd been sprayed down with water. I also noticed that the bed under me was also wet.

At my question, his grin only widened. "That would be your fault."

I felt myself frown slightly. "Me? How did I do that?"

"When you came the last time, you squirted all over me," he said, as he drew little patterns on the skin of my thigh.

I stared at him in disbelief. "I did? You're sure?"

He licked at some of the moisture around his lips. "Yes, I'm positive."

"I thought it was just a myth that women could do that."

"Apparently not," he smirked.

I was still a bit stunned by this little revelation. "I had no idea." Then I turned sheepish. "Well, sorry for getting you and the bed all wet."

He looked anything but upset that I had apparently all but hosed him down, in fact, he looked inordinately pleased with himself. "I'm not sorry, and don't you dare apologize again, I was actually hoping you could do it. And aside from the fact that you taste delicious, it was fun for me to find out that you most definitely can."

"Did you do something to get me to do it? Is there some trick to it?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets." He nipped lightly at my thigh. "Maybe if you are very good, I will demonstrate it again for you."

I smiled at him being all mysterious and sexy. "Well, then why don't you lie back, and I'll see what I can do to start earning those brownie points?"

"You say that like I'm done with you," he said as the heat and caveman Edward began crept back into his eyes.

"But you've done so much for me already, wouldn't you like me to … reciprocate?"

"What I really want …" he began, as he moved up so that his body was covering mine and his groin was cradled between my thighs. I could feel his erection hard and throbbing against my core. "…is to be inside you." Taking my hands in his, he raised them over my head to press them into the mattress. "I've been waiting to be inside you ever since your change, well, actually I've been waiting for it since I left you that morning…"

His voice trailed off and the confident, commanding caveman Edward vanished as his body sagged against me, his head dropped against my shoulder, and his arms went around me to grip me tightly. I knew that he was once again beating himself up for leaving me alone with Esme to go to New York the day that Victoria and Riley had attacked. Part of me wanted to smack him for feeling guilty over something he couldn't know was going to happen, and part of me wanted to comfort him. We both carried scars from what Victoria and Riley had done, and I could not discount or devalue his.

In the end, I decided to deal with the situation in the same way Edward had dealt with my melancholy earlier; I took the direct approach. I put my hands in his hair in what I knew he took as a comforting gesture. "Edward, look at me," I said trying to put as much firmness in my voice as I could manage.

Slowly, he lifted his head and looked down at me. "I'm sor…"

I covered his mouth with my hand. "No. You have nothing to apologize for, not for leaving me that morning, not for anything as far as I'm concerned. It's done, it's over. In this room, it's just you and me. This room is about healing and reconnecting, and most of all, both of us moving on from the past so we can look to a future that is full of limitless possibilities."

He looked into my eyes and slowly I saw his burden ease. He nodded. "Yes." His hand caressed my cheek. "Limitless possibilities."

I wrapped my legs tightly around him. "Make love to me, Edward. You're not the only one whose been waiting for you to be inside me." I lightly scratched the nape of his neck, a very sensitive spot on his body, and he shuddered in my arms. "Don't make either of us wait any longer. I want you so deep inside me that we can't tell where you begin and I end."

Tangling his hands in my hair, he leaned down and kissed me long and slow. I loved when he kissed me like that. It made me feel cherished and loved. When we finally broke apart, he looked down at me with so much love in his eyes it made my throat close up.

"I love you, Bella," he said softly.

"I love you, too," I managed around the lump in my throat.

Using our mutual declarations as a signal, Edward shifted his body and slid slowly inside me until he was fully seated within me. He didn't move right away, but that was fine with me, as I reveled in the renewed feel of him. From what I could remember when I was still human, it felt different to be with him now, but in a good way. Everything was more intense. He felt so big and hard inside me, and yet there was no pain, no discomfort, it was as if we were made to fit together. What I really felt at that moment was total sense of completion.

"There it is," I whispered reverently.

As for Edward, he groaned softly and closed his eyes. The expression on his face was almost blissful, and I had a feeling he was trying to gain some kind of control of himself. "God, Bella, you feel so good," he said softly.

After a moment, he opened his eyes and began to move, his motions were languid and unhurried. Our eyes met and held as he moved inside me, the depth of our emotion on clear display for the other to see. Sensation built upon sensation like a fire being slowly stoked as the friction of our bodies built to a peak until, cradled in each other arms, we both climaxed.

While it wasn't the blow the top of your head off kind of orgasm I'd had earlier, in my mind, it was better. The other one had been more physical than emotional, almost so big and explosive I couldn't process it. This one was physical too, but it was more emotional to the point of being almost spiritual, and in my mind, it served to highlight and strengthen the deep connection I had with Edward.

Afterward, we lay together on the bed; Edward had rolled us so that I was sprawled on top of him, and he was still inside me as he drew lazy circles on my back.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me quietly.

"No much really, just enjoying the feeling of being with you again," I smiled up at him. "I feel delightfully used."

He smiled back. "You _look _delightfully used," he said trying to run his fingers through my hair which was now a tangled mess.

I tugged lightly at his hair. "We _both_ do. Of course, on you it looks good."

He studied me. "Oh, I don't know, I think it looks pretty good on you too. Seeing your hair all tumbled and wild reminds me how it got that way."

"Sweet talker," I said with a snort. "But on that note, I'm feeling like I could use a shower." I smirked at him. "You want to join me?"

He smirked. "I think that's best offer I've heard in a very long time."

Carefully, I lifted my body off of him, and we both groaned at the loss as he slid out of me. Climbing off the bed, I waited for him to do the same. Then I surprised the heck out of him by throwing him over _my_ shoulder as he'd done with me earlier.

"Bella! What are you doing?" He laughed. "Put me down, I'm too heavy for you to carry."

"Not with my newborn strength you're not. Now just be quiet and enjoy the ride, I won't be able to do this forever," I said, as I gave his butt a little smack and walked to the bathroom.

In response, he laughed all the way to the bathroom, where I set him down in the shower and turned on the water. "So, I was thinking," I began as we washed ourselves.

"Oh? Should I be scared?" he teased.

I slapped his chest. "Behave or I won't share my idea with you."

"Sorry." He laughed and rinsed shampoo from his hair. "Tell me all about your idea."

I smirked up at him, at the same time, my hand slid down to wrap around his erection that had never really gotten below half-staff since we'd come into the house. Just the touch of my hand had him going from half-staff to full-alert in a blink. That was something I found very interesting about male vampires, they could have marathon amounts of sex without much of any recovery time, and they never got tired.

Gripping his erection, I began to move my hand slowly up and down. "My idea was that it's about time I worked on that whole being good thing."

His eyes were half closed and his body was all but vibrating under my hand. "Well, who am I …" He groaned. "… to stand in your way …. when you have a good … make that a fabulous idea." He gasped. "God, Bella, I love your hands."

I chuckled. "Oh, I think I can do better than just my hands," I told him as I knelt down in front of him putting his erection at eye level as my hand kept stroking him. I looked up at him. "What's that old saying, 'When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad … I'm better?' Well, I'll let you be the judge."

I proceeded to make him as crazy as he'd made me earlier. As my hand continued its busy task, I placed open mouthed kisses along his length and then starting at his balls. I used the flat of my tongue to lick my way back up the same path to the tip of him where I sucked and laved the sensitive underside of the head with my tongue. By the time I pulled him into my mouth and started to bob my head over him, he had been reduced him to a cursing, growling mass as he looked down at me with dark, hooded eyes.

"Yes, Bella, don't stop."

I had no intentions of stopping. Interestingly enough, I found out that I didn't have much of a gag reflex, something which I was sure Edward would be happy about, and so I was able to take him almost all the way into my mouth as I toyed with his balls with my other hand.

His hands were pressed up against the opposite wall for some kind of balance as I worked him over, and I heard the tile beginning to crack as his hands dug reflexively into the wall.

"Bella, please," he begged. "I'm so close."

I let him drop from my mouth momentarily, but my hand kept stroking him. "Come for me," I said before taking him back in my mouth.

Just to send him completely over the edge, I tried something I'd read somewhere. While my mouth was busy sucking on him even harder, I used one hand to rub and gently push against the sensitive skin just below the base of his cock, and at the same time I slid my pinky finger inside his small puckered hole.

He erupted.

There was a crash somewhere behind me and my sweet, gentlemanly Edward, roared like the lion he was and proceeded to come in buckets, filling my mouth to bursting. Delighted with this turn of events, I swallowed every drop I could, and I now understood why he didn't seem to mind at all when I'd coated him with my own arousal earlier.

His body was still shaking from the violence of his orgasm as I gently licked him clean. I could have used the water still pouring from the shower to clean him, but I found my way more fun. After a moment, he pulled away slightly and leaned against the wall with his eyes closed.

"Too sensitive," he tried to explain, and I could relate. I'd felt the same way earlier.

Giving him a moment, I got to my feet. There were two fist sized holes in the tile where his hands had apparently broken the tile and gone right through the wall. Hmm, Esme was not going to be happy about that. I gave a mental shrug. We would fix it, and besides, it had been _so_ worth it and right now, I was having too much fun to care. It was wonderful not to feel burdened down as I had these past weeks. I felt lighter and so happy I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't having the mother of all amazing dreams. No, scratch that, if I was having a dream, I _never_ wanted to wake up.

As I waited for Edward to collect himself, I started to wash my hair. As I rinsed off the conditioner, I opened my eyes to find him looking at me. "What the hell was that?" he said in a tone that was stunned rather than unhappy. In fact, he looked anything but unhappy. Rather, he looked at me like I knew the secrets to the universe.

I liked that look.

In reply, I just smiled at him. "A magician never reveals _her_ secrets either," I teased.

With a grin of his own, he descended on me and kissed me silly. Things got playful after that, and the rest of the shower was filled with laughter, sighs, giggles, gasps, groping hands, hungry mouths and tickling fingers. When the water finally started to get cold, we climbed out, dried off and began to put fresh sheets on the bed. I say 'began' because we didn't get any further than getting the fitted sheet before we gave up and started round two.

Or was it round three? Yes, I think round three if you counted the shower, which I most certainly did.

The theme continued to be playful, but we also threw in inventive and even a little kinky. I think we ended up trying about every sexual position either of us had seen or heard and for Edward, with the mental catalogue he'd probably stored up over the years, that was saying something.

Actually, I'm not entirely sure there were names for some of the things we did.

The only thing we didn't really try, beyond a little exploration and touching was anal sex. which we both decided might be something to think about for the future, but not right then.

**BKDWN**

The day had bled into night, and the night had nearly bled back into the next morning when we finally lay replete and tangled around each other.

"Esme's gonna kill us," I told him as I surveyed our surroundings. "First the bathroom shower and now the master bedroom. I wouldn't be surprised if Alice saw what happened, and Esme is already plotting our punishment."

As had been my prediction, okay, my hope, the bed was in a shambles. The frame and headboard were all but kindling. We were currently lying on the mattress that had long ago lost anything resembling sheets, and there were random holes in the fabric with bits of foam coming out. One of the dressers was smashed from when Edward had taken me up against it. A lovely arm chair was broken beyond repair after I'd straddled himin it. The plush, probably handmade area rug that covered the floor had a number of tears in it where it had been gripped by one or both of us when we'd made love on it. And to top things off, there were feathers everywhere from the somewhat raucous pillow fight we'd had earlier.

Edward chuckled. "She may bluster about it, but she won't punish us, she'll just use it as an excuse to redecorate everything. Of course, she'll probably make me pay for it, but it will be totally worth it. Plus, she'll be so happy that you're better and things are right between us again, that she won't really care." He stroked my hair as he talked. "We will, however, have to get a supply of new mattresses to use in the meantime though."

"Hmm, I suppose you have a point there. I do want to do something to repay her and Carlisle for lending us the island though." I stretched up and kissed his mouth. "It was definitely what we needed."

"Definitely," he said lightly kissing me back.

"Hey, by the way, you were SO holding back on me when I was still a human and we did this."

He grinned. "I think I mentioned that at the time. Was I wrong to do it?"

I snuggled against him. "No, there's no way I would have survived all this if was still human. I am curious though, since you hadn't been with anyone before me, did you learn all your 'moves' from what you saw in other people's minds?"

"Pretty much. In addition to having years alone to work on my self-control, I've had years to pick up tricks and ideas from those around me. I tried to tune them and others around me out for the most part when things got sexual, but there are times when I couldn't. I'm sure it will come as no surprise to you that the members of my family can be very … sexual. It's also a vampire thing, especially for mated vampires. At the time, I wished for a way to bleach my brain, but now I see that it will come in handy when I'm with you."

"So, let me guess who in your family is the worst. I'm guessing Emmett and Rose."

He laughed. "No, actually it's Alice and Jasper."

I giggled. "I think I could see Alice with her boundless energy, but Jasper? Really?"

"Jasper reads voraciously, mostly history and non-fiction, but he also slips in some very suggestive material, like the _Kama Sutra,_ the _Joy of Sex_ and so on to keep up with her. As for Alice, in addition to her energy, she's very … inventive."

"I guess it really is always the quiet ones," I laughed. "So, I assume Emmett and Rose are next?"

He sighed. "I can see why you think that, but no."

I sat up and looked at him. "CARLISLE AND ESME are second?"

"Yes, but please don't make me talk about it. Just imagine if you had images of Charlie and Renee locked up in your head."

I shivered a little and wrapped my arms around him. "Okay, yeah, I can see why that's all kinds of wrong."

"All I'm going to say is that Carlisle's medical training gives him a very special awareness of the female body, and Esme has a little dominatrix in her that he enjoys." Now Edward was the one to shiver. "Okay, ick, now I do need some brain bleach for even thinking about it."

I gave him a quick, hard kiss. "Is that better? I know it's not brain bleach, but I thought it might help distract you."

He smiled down at me. "Actually, that was infinitely better than brain bleach."

"So, why are Emmett and Rose at the bottom of the list? The way Emmett spouts, I figured they'd be at the top."

"Well, I think that overall, the probably have the most actual sexual encounters of everyone in the family, but it's not necessarily very inventive. Emmett has to be a little careful with Rose. While she knows he won't hurt her or do anything she doesn't want, and they do have a healthy sex life, the trauma she suffered when she was a human and the attitudes she had from that time sometime hold them back from doing more adventurous things. Emmett doesn't mind though. I think in his mind he got the hot girl, and he's all about the quantity." He grinned down at me. "And if you tell anyone anything I just told you, I will deny it until hell freezes over."

I smiled up at him. "My lips are sealed."

We laid quietly for a while longer and watched as the light from the pink morning sky splashed color over the demolished room. My mind was turning over an idea that I'd been playing with for the last few hours. I thought I knew how Edward would feel about it, but I wasn't 100% sure.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

The fact that he sounded so contented made me smile. "There's something I'd like to do, but I don't know how you'll feel about it."

He chuckled. "I didn't think there was anything we hadn't done in the last 24 hours, but if you have a new suggestion, then I'm up for it." He grinned. "Pun absolutely intended."

I laughed and sat up. "If you could get your mind out of the gutter for a minute, I meant something non-sexual."

He shrugged. "My answer's still the same. I'm game for whatever you want to do."

Working up my courage, I told him my idea. "I want to get married, here on the island … soon. Like in the next couple of weeks or as soon as your family can get here and we can pull things together."

Seeing I was serious, he sat up and took my hand. "Really?"

"Yes, I don't want to wait any longer to be your wife."

I frowned a little at the long pause that followed. Edward hadn't said anything yet, and I couldn't read anything from his expression. "Unless you think it's too soon. I mean we could wait if you want or have the wedding someplace else, it's just that this place is so beautiful and well … say something."

Grinning like a loon, he hauled me into his lap and kissed me soundly. "Sorry, you just took me by surprise, but I love the idea."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely, the sooner the better," he said, and now I could see the excitement growing in his eyes. "I hadn't said anything before now because of everything going on, and I didn't want to push if you weren't ready."

"Oh, I'm definitely ready." I cupped his face. "There's nothing I want more."

"Then let's do it."

I grinned at him. "Wait. Do you hear that?" I asked, holding my hand up to my ear as if I was hearing something far off.

He frowned in confusion. "What?"

"Somewhere Alice is screaming and has already started to plan the wedding."

As if on cue, from the depths of the house, we heard the satellite phone start to ring.

TBC …

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note:<strong>_ Epilogue to follow … you are cordially invited to the wedding of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen to Isabella Marie Swan.


	57. Chapter 57

_**Disclaimer:**_ Once again, _Twilight_ is not mine; I just play in Stephanie Meyer's sandbox. My incredible betas Im2xshy and Kzintikiller keep me motivated and on track for which I am eternally grateful.

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><p><em><strong>I want to give another special shout out to my beta Im2xshy. Even though she had company this weekend, she took the time to beta this chapter for me which I really appreciate. If I was to dedicate this entire story to one person it would be her. She has been my rock. <strong>_

**_Author's Note:_** Well, this is the last chapter of this story. Originally, I had toyed with the idea of a future-take/epilogue but I like the way this chapter came out so I think I'll just end it with this chapter. Finishing this story makes me a little sad because I won't be visiting Edward and Bella on a regular basis, but I have other non-_Twilight_ projects waiting in the wings to work on which is very exciting to me and very soon I hope to try my hand at self-publishing my own original fiction. Thank you all for your patience while I've toiled on this story and for all your kind words and input, they meant the world to me.

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><p><em><strong>Previously in Chapter 56:<strong>_ Bella and Edward finally got their lemony goodness. And at the end of the chapter, she told him that she wanted to get married there on the island.

And now, the wedding of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan…

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 57<strong>_

**BELLA**

As we stood on the beach near the island's dock, Edward smiled down at me and tucked me into his side while we waited. The ship was still too far out for human eyes to see, but Edward and I could see it just fine as it drew inexorably closer.

I fidgeted slightly and Edward correctly read it as nervousness. "Don't worry, they'll be thrilled to see you."

"I know," I said, but I could hear the doubt in my own voice. "I guess I still feel a little guilty about the way I left things in Seattle."

"They love you, Bella and they know that you were struggling to come to terms with what happened with Victoria." He kissed my temple and pulled me closer. "All they care about is that you want them here now."

I hugged him. "I hope you're right."

"I am," he said confidently.

I mentally sighed, but didn't say anything else since I figured that I'd know the answer for sure in a few minutes anyway. It had been two weeks since we'd decided to get married here on the island; two blissful, amazing, mostly naked weeks alone with Edward that were only interrupted by calls from Carlisle, oh, and of course, Alice, Rose and Esme about the wedding, which was tomorrow.

While I was happy, thrilled even, that everyone was coming to the island to be with us, their arrival was a bit like the real world intruding on the little bubble we'd created around ourselves and I just wanted everything to go smoothly.

We watched as the white hull of the ship sped over the water at a surprisingly fast clip for such a large vessel. When Edward had first brought me to the island, it had been in a small speed boat, but due to the number of people it had to bring here, and I'm sure the amount of cargo they were carrying, our visitors would need something bigger. Then there was the fact that instead of flying down here, they'd opted to come by boat, so again, something bigger was more practical. What was coming toward us now looked to be more like a mid-sized yacht, which is why I was surprised that it appeared to move so quickly.

Before I could obsess much more about seeing everyone again, the boat, ship, or whatever it was called was pulling up to the end of the dock. Jasper, and a predictably grinning Emmett, jumped down to secure the mooring lines around the cleats set into the dock. Then they both turned and pulled down the small gangplank that would allow everyone to easily disembark and offload supplies and cargo.

The gangplank had no sooner touched the wooden dock when I saw a bit of a commotion onboard that I quickly realized was Alice and Rose trying to crowd off the ship and onto the gangplank at the same time. The image was so funny I couldn't help but laugh.

Alice apparently won the battle, because suddenly she came all but shooting off the ship like a cork from a bottle and nearly went into the water when she almost didn't change direction in time to make it onto the dock. I was sure that her vampire reflexes were all that had kept her from taking a swim. Then her pixie like form was a blur of motion as she came racing toward us with Rose close on her heels, followed by a laughing Emmett and Jasper and an indulgent Esme and Carlisle bringing up the rear at a much more sedate pace.

"Bella!" Alice called as she ran toward us.

Snickering, Edward leaned down and whispered. "Yes, they definitely look like they're angry with you."

I shot him a dirty look, and before I knew what I was doing, I was off and running out to meet them with laughter bubbling out of my chest. When we got to each other, we embraced like the long lost sisters we were. With the way we hugging and jumping around, we were probably lucky that we didn't tumble off the dock.

"I'm so happy to see you!" I told them, then pulled back to address everyone. "All of you!"

"We're so glad we finally got here," Alice said. "Coming by boat, the trip seemed to take forever."

"I can imagine."

Emmett picked me up and spun me around. "I've missed you B.A.! I hear you and Eddie have been having lots of 'bow chicka bow wow'." He grinned and looked past us. "Must not have been too much though, the house is still standing."

"EMMETT!" Everyone else chorused while I just rolled my eyes.

"We are not talking about our sex life, now put me down you big ox!" I knew if I acted all embarrassed, he would only tease me more. Besides, he and everyone else would see soon enough that while the outside of the house had fared pretty well, we'd done a fair amount of damage to the inside.

Once Emmett set me down, Jasper embraced me warmly. "It's good to see you, Bella." Releasing his hold on me, he gave me a grin. "Oh, and you'll be happy to know I am now an officially ordained minister with the Universal Life Church."

Originally, we were going to have Carlisle officiate at our wedding, especially since he was already ordained, but I decided instead that I wanted him to walk me down the aisle since Charlie couldn't be there to do it, so Jasper had been the next choice to marry us.

"That's great, Jasper! Was it difficult?"

"Nope," he said. "I just went on their website, filled out some forms, paid the fee and just like that, instant minister."

"I still don't see why I couldn't be the one to go online and get the preacher thing so I could do your wedding," Emmett groused.

"Um, I think the bow, chicka bow wow, comment is reason enough," I said patting his cheek. "I tell you what, if you stop pouting, you can officiate at the next wedding, okay?"

"Next wedding?" Edward said from behind me. "Who are you planning on marrying after me?"

Turning, I saw he was just teasing and I laughed. It was a well-known fact that the couples in the Cullen clan liked to renew their vows and get remarried on a semi-regular basis, which was also part of the reason Carlisle was already ordained.

"I meant YOU, silly!" I told Edward.

"Good answer," he said giving me a kiss.

"Hey now, no mushy stuff until after the wedding!" Emmett said.

"Dream on," I said before kissing Edward back.

"Hello, Bella. It's wonderful to see you looking so happy," Carlisle greeted me with a soft smile and a firm hug.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I held the hug a moment longer than he probably expected. "And thank you for all the support and good advice you gave Edward."

"My pleasure, I'm just glad it helped."

After we pulled apart, I turned to Esme who held her arms out to me; I went into them without a second of hesitation. "I missed you," I told her softly.

"I missed you too, sweetheart." Then she added conspiratorially, "Oh, and Alice told me about the inside of the house, but I don't want you to worry about it for a second. It will give me an excuse to redecorate and I'll make Edward pay for it."

I laughed. "Edward thought you'd say that."

"Okay, now that we've got the meet and greet out of the way," Alice said switching in to wedding planner mode. "Boys, you've got some things to unload." Jasper and Emmett groaned in resignation, but started for the ship again. When she saw that the other two males in the group were just standing on the dock talking, she didn't beat around the bush. "Edward, Carlisle that means you, too."

Carlisle laughed and gave her a little salute. "Yes, ma'am."

Edward already knew better than to argue with Alice so he went with Carlisle, and they continued to talk as they followed Jasper and Emmett down the dock.

Alice was all but vibrating with excitement. "I can't wait to show you everything we brought, Bella! Come on, Rose, let's go see how bad the damage is inside and find a place to set up."

With that, Rose and Alice took off for the house. I looped my arm through Esme's as we followed them at a human pace.

"Carlisle's right," Esme said with a soft smile.

"About what?"

She gave my arm a squeeze. "You do look happy, you and Edward both."

"I don't think I've ever been so happy. Esme." I was quiet for a moment. "Edward and I owe a lot of that to you and Carlisle for letting us stay on the island."

"I'm glad you could make use of it."

"The last two weeks have been nothing short of amazing." I gave a happy little sigh. "Once, I got myself squared away about what happened with Victoria, and I really talked to Edward about some things, we were able to reconnect in a way we never have before. I think with me being a vampire now, we're also on a more level footing, and it's only made our relationship stronger."

"That's wonderful."

"I can't wait to marry him tomorrow, and I'm so glad you could all be here for it."

Esme smile widely. "There's nowhere we'd rather be."

I debated whether or not to say what I wanted to say, but along with my resolution to be honest and communicate with Edward, I decided that should carry over to the rest of the family.

I stopped walking to face her. "I'm sorry about how I left things in Seattle, Esme," I began.

"Bella …"

"No, let me get this out," I pressed. "At the time, everything reminded me of what I did to Victoria, and I felt so guilty about that I needed to get away from it." I looked down at my feet. "I never saw it as pushing you all away, which is exactly what I did."

"Bella …" Her voice was soft, and she gently lifted my chin so I looked at her. "You have nothing to apologize for. We all know how hard adjusting to this life can be, especially in the beginning. Rose killed the men that hurt her, Emmett, Jasper and I have had slip ups and killed humans that we felt remorse about afterward, and Edward had his rebellious period, which he definitely felt guilty about. What's important is that once you worked things out, came back to us." She gathered me into a hug. "And that's all that really matters."

My eyes prickled, and I knew that if I'd still been human, tears would have been coursing down my cheeks by now. "Thank you," I whispered.

She patted my back and then released me just as the guys began to return from the ship laden down with suitcases, trunks and boxes. "Now, no more talk of things best left in the past," she told me firmly. "Tomorrow is your wedding day, and you're going to be a beautiful bride."

As I stood in front of the mirror the next day, I had to admit that Esme's words were prophetic; I hardly recognized myself. After we'd all gone to the mainland to hunt in the morning, Rose, Esme and Alice had spent the better part of the afternoon helping me get ready and they had done an amazing job. They had just left a few moments before to put the final touches on their own outfits and to give me a few moments to myself.

Instead of the fluffy, meringue inspired creation that I expected Alice to pick out for my wedding dress, she had gone for a more minimalist approach. While the sleeveless dress was still long, the bodice was fitted silk with a light smattering of tiny seed pearls and delicate straps to keep it up. As for the skirt, it was a mixture of silk and chiffon that fell in a soft flowing wave from my waist to my feet. I swished lightly when I walked, which I thought was fun, and I imagined it would look amazing in the soft breeze that came almost constantly off the ocean.

The dress was perfect for me and I loved it.

However, the shoes she had picked out were another matter. The moment she had pulled them out to show me, I had refused to wear the stilettoed death traps. When she pointed out that I was a vampire now and wouldn't fall or injure myself by wearing them, I'd reminded her that we were having a beach wedding and I would have to walk across the sand so pointy heels just weren't practical. In fact, I'd planned on going barefoot.

Alice had nearly gone apoplectic at the idea of me getting married in my bare feet. If she'd been human, I was pretty sure she would have literally popped a few blood vessels.

I looked down at my bare feet and my toes with their bright red toenail polish that Rose had put on me last night and, giving them a wriggle, I smiled. Against all of Alice's protestations, arguments and threats, I had stood firm; all right, so Rose and Esme had also taken my side which helped, but in any case, I was getting married barefoot like I'd wanted.

My hair was pulled back from my face and secured with the small veil that I'd chosen from the three that Alice had brought along. She'd encouraged me to pick the one that was so long it almost touched the ground, but I'd opted for simpler one that only went to my waist. Unlike many traditional brides, I was not going wear it over my face, but leave it trailing down my back during the entire ceremony.

The final piece of my ensemble was the small bunch of flowers I held in my hand. The bouquet was made up of delicate white freesia blossoms that I'd picked out at Edward's suggestion.

Turning away from the mirror, I walked to the window and looked out over the ocean as the sun began it's decent into the horizon. Somewhere out across that water Charlie and Renee were going about their lives not knowing all the changes that had and were taking place in my life. A part of me always missed them, and I wished there was an easy, covert way I could know for sure if they were doing all right. It was too bad vampires didn't have an affinity for crystal balls or magic mirrors. However, today, their absence was especially was poignant.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Bella?"

"Come in, Carlisle."

He opened the door and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him to keep anyone from seeing me before they should. As he turned toward me, he stopped and smiled. "Oh, Bella, you are a vision."

Forcing my thoughts about Charlie and Renee away, I smiled and swished my skirt a bit. "The girls did quite a good job on me, didn't they?"

Walking over to me, he kissed my cheek and stepped back. "Well, they had good material to work with."

Although Carlisle was being nothing but fatherly toward me, I knew I would have blushed if I could. "Thank you, Carlisle. And thank you for standing in for Charlie since he can't be here."

"It's my honor," he said bowing slightly at the waist. "You must be missing him and your mother quite a bit today."

Slowly, I nodded and turned back to the window. "Yes, I was just thinking about them when you came in." I stared out at a sky that was evolving from a soft blue to a golden yellow as the sun began to disappear. "Nothing is going to stop me from marrying Edward, and I know that being with him and being part of this family requires some sacrifice, and normally I am more than happy to make it, but somehow, it doesn't seem right that they're not here for this."

"It's understandable that you'd feel that way," he said gently. "This is a significant day in your life, and you want those you love to be part of it."

Silence stretched between us as I continued to stand there looking out the window and Carlisle remained quietly behind me, not pushing me to say more or pull me from my thoughts before I was ready.

I spent the ensuing moments mentally telling Charlie and Renee that I loved them, and I hoped they would be happy because I was happy and that I would never forget them; in essence, saying good-bye to them and to the remnants of my old life. I thought I'd already done that, but apparently, some part of me had been holding on to the past. However, the time had come to let it go and embrace the new life I'd begun with Edward and the Cullens.

Feeling like a small weight had been removed from my heart, I straightened my shoulders, took a breath and turned back to Carlisle. "I'm ready."

He searched my face for something and after a moment, he nodded and smiled. "Yes, I can see that you are."

I looped my arm through his. "Then let's go get me married."

Carlisle led me out of the bedroom and down the hall. The lights in the house were off and with only the tiniest sliver of sun still above the horizon, it was rapidly getting dark in the house. As we turned the corner and walked to the front door, the huge windows at the front of the house came into view and I smiled. The scene that greeted me was beautiful. Candles were everywhere, including forming a path from the house and down the beach where two large torches illuminated the place where everyone was gathered and where I would say my vows to Edward. We had decided to get married at twilight as Edward had told me once that was his favorite time of day.

And speaking of my fiancé, I could see him standing beside one of the torches with Jasper at his back, a huge smile lighting his face as he waited for me. Since we were having a beach wedding and therefore, being somewhat unconventional, he was not dressed in a standard black suit or tuxedo. Instead he was wearing a soft, loose fitting pair of gauzy white pants cuffed at the ankle and a billowy white shirt.

His feet were bare, of course.

One might think that white on an already pale vampire would not be complimentary, but on him, in the falling twilight and with the flickering light from the candle and torch fires, it looked perfect.

Somehow Alice had managed to find a version of the wedding march that had a bit more of a tropical bent to it without being cheesy or overdone, and it began to play from hidden speakers as Carlisle and I began the walk down the lighted sandy path to the beach. I had to admit, I was so anxious to marry Edward that it was a little hard for me to hold to Carlisle's slow and steady human pace when what I really wanted was to sprint to Edward using the vampire speed I possessed.

Nonetheless, we finally arrived at our destination, passing first the rest of our family and then stopping next to Edward. Carlisle turned to me. "Bella, I would say welcome to the family, but you became part of our family a long time ago." He kissed my cheek and then gently took my hand from his arm and placed it in Edward's hand. "I wish you both happiness beyond measure." With that, he moved back and went to stand by Esme.

His eyes shining with adoration, Edward gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "You look beautiful, love."

I sent him an adoring, but slightly bashful smile. "Thank you."

"Are we ready to begin?" Jasper asked us.

Although Edward and I had planned to do our own vows, we had not discussed any other details with Jasper or made any requests of him on how we wanted the ceremony conducted. Except for my vows, I really didn't care as long as at the end of it I was Mrs. Edward Masen Cullen. Consequently, I was a little interested to see how Jasper would conduct things.

We both nodded in answer to his question and he began. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, and this woman, Isabella Marie Swan, in the bonds of holy matrimony," he began. "Breaking with tradition, I have no plans to ask if anyone here objects to this union, as I believe that we all know and agree that if there were ever two people who belonged together, it's Edward and Bella. Deep, abiding love is a rare thing these days, and all we have to do is look at you both and we know that you have truly found it."

He paused and opened his hand to reveal two rings resting on his palm. "In my hand, I hold the rings that will symbolize their union and their commitment to each other. At their request, each have requested to recite their own vows to the other."

Jasper handed one of the rings to Edward. "Edward, take this ring and as a sign of your love and devotion, recite your vows to Bella and place it on her finger."

Edward nodded, took the ring from him and held it up between us. "Bella, my love, before we met, I never imagined I would arrive at a moment like this. While I had good examples of what a 'forever after' kind of love was like, to me it was something that only other people found, and I thought I was destined to be forever alone." He smiled down at me. "But then you came into my life and showed me how wrong I was. You showed me color and life and possibility and in the best of ways, my life was never the same again."

His voice grew even heavier with emotion when he spoke next. "I think Shakespeare said it best, _Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service, there resides to make me slave to it_."

My silent heart clenched to hear him recite the quote from _The Tempest,_ and I reached out to cup his face as he continued. "My heart has always been yours, Bella. Even when I made the most foolish mistake of all and tried to push you away, my heart was still yours. I am thankful every day that you gave me, gave us, a second chance. Never forget that I love you more today than yesterday, but less today than I will tomorrow."

He took my hand from his cheek and slowly slid the ring on my finger. "Isabella Marie Swan, be my wife and take this ring as a symbol of my pledge of love and eternal devotion to you."

"Bella, do you accept the vows that Edward has spoken to you?" Jasper put in.

I was so overcome with emotion, it took me a moment to answer, and I knew I'd be crying at that point if I'd still retained the ability. "I do."

Next, Jasper handed me a ring. "Bella, take this ring and as a sign of your love and devotion, recite your vows to Edward and place it on his finger."

Accepting the ring from Jasper, I tried to not only speak what was in my heart, but also do justice to the beautiful words Edward had just spoken to me. "Edward, the first time I saw you, I thought you were bigger than life; something unobtainable. But then you let me into your life, and as I got to know you and love you, I saw that you weren't so different from me and that together we just … fit. Loving you was like opening a door to a new life, a new existence; one that had all the passion and color I'd been missing and didn't even know it. Everything just makes sense when I'm with you and without you, I'm lost."

Edward wasn't the only one who could recite Shakespeare. What I said next, came from one of his sonnets. "Shakespeare definitely had it right when he said, _Such is my love, to thee I so belong, that for thy right myself will bear all wrong."_

"My heart was yours the first time I saw you Edward. We've both made mistakes, but through the darkness, your love was always my guiding light and my true north, and I will be by your side for as long as you will have me." Next, I stole his words because I thought they were so true. "And I, too, love you more today than yesterday, but less today than I will tomorrow."

Mimicking his earlier motions, I lifted his hand and slowly slid the ring on his finger. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, be my husband and take this ring as a symbol of my pledge of love and eternal devotion to you."

"Edward, do you accept the vows that Bella has spoken to you?" Jasper asked.

I could see Edward was just as overcome with emotion as I had been. "I do," he said with the utmost certainty.

Jasper grinned. "Excellent. Then by the power vested in me by the internet guys, otherwise known as the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Not needing to be told twice, Edward pulled me to him, bent me back into a wonderful dip and kissed me soundly. Vaguely, I heard clapping and hooting, but all I was really aware of was the feel of Edward's lips on mine and his strong arms around me. After what felt like an all too short amount of time, he lifted me back to a standing position, but kept his arms around me.

Jasper moved to stand beside us. "It is my great honor to be the first one to introduce to you all to Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen."

Smiling and clapping enthusiastically, our family gathered around us giving us hearty congratulations and warm wishes.

As I stood there beside Edward, surrounded by not only his love, but theirs, I realized how happy I was and that my life felt … complete, was the only word I could think of to describe it. Not complete in a way that signaled an end, but a beginning. A signal that everything was lined up as it should be, and it was time to move onto the next step, the next phase, the next … whatever.

And as long as I was with him, I couldn't wait to see what our future held.

_The End_


End file.
